agrrrfishi requested this thread after attending an assembly at her school, probably prompted by the case of Phoebe Prince, a 15-year-old girl in Massachusetts who was bullied for several months and finally committed suicide. Here is what agrrrfishi says:
Today during second hour, all of the students in my school were called down to the auditorium. All of the lights were off and everyone on the stage was wearing dark colors and looked solemn. After everyone was seated, a presentation came on the screen that we had set up onstage.
They showed a slideshow of dozens of horrible, rude, degrading comments posted on Formspring, Facebook, Myspace and other messaging sites. They were made to hurt the people who received them, saying things like†you’re a fat whoreâ€, “nobody likes youâ€, and “why don’t you just dieâ€, and those are just the dumbed-down versions. At the end, the presenters revealed that all of these pictures of comments were screenshots, taken from the Formsprings, Facebooks, etc. of girls from our school. I had had an idea that that was what they were, but I never thought they’d show up.
After that, we had an open-mike session, in which time I heard about twenty stories from girls who go to my school. There was some really tough stuff, some terrible experiences with other peers making fun on them, putting them down and driving them even to the brink of suicide. There were some girls who had been bullied for their entire lives. I just felt really bad because I knew that I had been mean to people before, and was so afraid that I could have had this effect on those people and never realized it…I know that bullying is bad and happens all the time, but the assembly effected the majority of our student body in a detrimental way.
I’d love to have a thread to discuss (if we don’t already have one) bullying, whether online and in person, where people can share their stories, get comfort, and so that we can discuss ways to try and eliminate backstabbing and hurtful behavior, if not only within our own circles of friends.
I was just reading an article today about how bullying, online and in schools, is being pinpointed as the main cause for many teen (and preteen) suicides nowadays. (Could I put a link? http ://www. csmonitor. com/USA/Society/2010/0428/Bullying-and-teen-suicide-How-do-we-adjust-school-climate/%28page%29/2 )
I think it’s definitely an important topic. It came up a bit on the Paleo threads awhile back, but I think it could do with a blog-wide thread to raise awareness and share support.
A dear friend of mine sings a song called “Howard Gray†about bullying, and the really amazing thing is that it’s a true story. The man who wrote it actually knew this kid in school, and wrote the song and performed it all across the country and one night after a performance this guy came up to him, and it was Howard Gray.
I really wish I had a recording of Ken singing it that I could put as a link for you all, but here’s the song (different artist and I’m obviously partial, but it’s a good recording and has the lyrics) http :// www. youtube. com /watch?v=-y4xkpAm96M
I’m from Massachusetts, so Phoebe Prince…it’s just horrible. Her picture is plastered up all over the place. Today they are going to begin enacting strict bullying laws, and South Hadley is making rules where teachers are required to report instances of bullying to counselors and principals who can help end it. I think that people should report online bullying more. This kid Nick in my school – he’s a terrible person. He writes mean comments about my friend on Facebook. I tell her, you should report him, but she doesn’t want to be a snitch. My school is relatively small, but I hate how everyone can be so mean to each other. You’d think someone would stop this horrible cycle, and be nice to each other, I don’t understand why people are so cruel. I don’t get why people want to hurt each other.
Oh my gosh Pheobe Prince.
That is just so HORRIBLE! How can people do that?!?
Me either, Magnolia. What happened to “treat others the way you want to be treated”? Sadly, I’m not immune. I bruise very, very easily, and that’s made me a target. Not the only target, mind you, but a target nonetheless. Still, I’m getting better at just ignoring people I don’t like (namely these guys named Chocolate and Nougat), but I have a hard time standing up to bullies. Thankfully, I don’t use Facebook or Twitter or the like, so no window for online bullying there.
LBK – or everyone – don’t let people make fun of you, or make you feel worthless. We all know you’re amazing.
I’ve been bullied about… once in my life. That was in 6th grade. It was pretty much one person, and he just made rude comments all the time. Nobody else got in on the act.
Oh, sure, people have tried to bully me, but I just take it in stride. For example, a kid at lunch recently tried to call me a hippie. I said “Yes!” and he was like (Though much less mildly) “Cake it!”
2.1- People can be just so stupid sometimes. It’s so depressing to see the lengths some kids will go to to feel better about themselves, and even then, crushing the soul of somebody else won’t help them at all. It’s an aggressive cycle that doesn’t really seem to show any sign of stopping. And that’s really tough to swallow.
I used to be an easy target for bullying. Now, though, not so much, even though I’m still half convinced i’m an idiot, a spoiled brat, and horrible at everything.
Basically, on the outside I’m immune but inside I’m still hurting from previous scars.
There were these three girls in particular. N, D, and then K came later.
N used me, by threatening that she wouldn’t be my friend if I didn’t do what she wanted. I have no idea why I kept doing what she wanted from first grade to third grade. D was just plain mean to everyone, but I still remember clearly the time I almost got in trouble with the teacher because she, uh, literally stepped on me.
And then K. At one point we were best friends, then it kind of detoriated into her constantly calling me names and being mean to
me yet at the same time still pretending to be my friend.
But now if I hear someone talking about me in a unkind tone, I just walk over, give them my favourite Stare, and ask them to repeat what they were saying. It’s very effective. And it amuses me.
First through third grade? You were little. Also, let’s take a vote on this:
ATTENTION ALL MUSEBLOGGERS. ATTENTION.
Everyone who thinks fireh is an amazing person raise their hand.
*raises hand*
*raises both hands, and grabs another random person’s hand and raises it*
*raises hand*
*raises hand*
*raises hands and feet and everything else possible*
*raises hand gripping Keiffer’s TARDIS*
*Raises hand*
*Raises hand*
Everyone who thinks all MuseBloggers are amazing people, raise your hand.
*rips everyone on earth’s hands off* *raises all of them*
Hey! I need hands for playing the piano and the clarinet and posting on MuseBlog! Give those back!
*raises both hands*
All of you are awesome. (not so sure about me….)
You are one of us. You are awesome.
I need my hands to raise them Enc! *takes back hands and raises them*
*raises hands because I’m too magical to have my hands stolen by the evil Enceladus*
*raises both hands, one of which is holding Alanna*
NOO! PEOPLE BULLY ALANNA? That’s just cruel.
No, I never let anyone bully my beloved flute.
*raises all five hands*
o.O
I knew what she was doing. I just let her push me around. For three years. THREE. And I was two years older than N- her parents pushed her up into first grade. No idea why. Her only excuse for being the boss of me was she was a head taller than me. Yay for midgets. -_-
Oh my gosh, you guys. Now I’m crying.
thanks. Nice to know that people somewhere know that I exist, and even somehow manage to think that I am an amazing person.
*raises hand*
*raises hands* That’s awful! I used to have a “friend” like that. I ditched her.
*raises both hands*
*Vishnu raises all hands*
*raises hand*
*pet bird raises foot*
*pet fish raises fin*
*random passing Dalek raises toilet plunger*
*raises hands*
*raises Earth*
* helps *
I was bullied… oh, lemme see, kindergarten, grade school (a bit), junior high school… ironically, high school is the nicest so far (okay, N. was b*ing about me and trying to turn my friends against me (she got K., I got M.), then we each bashed each other over the head with a volleyball (fine, fine, I might have started that one, but she was asking for it) and now we get alone fairly well).
In kindergarten, there was one girl I admired. For some reason, she started picking on me, and my best friend couldn’t protect me because she just threatened me and never beat me up (no evidence). My parents told me to hit her (I was half a head taller), which I didn’t want to do ’cause I was convinced that it was bad, so I settled for blackmail instead (teaching morals and being nice: FAIL).
Grade school, I stood out too much and drew the wrath of the popular twins, but I managed to rustle up a friend and force my way into being semi-accepted into a group, even though the twins used every chance they got to diss me and exclude and ignore me. I cried a lot, the eventually hid in my books.
Junior high brought a brief change to my life: I was popular for once and it rocked. Until suddenly the L and her twin (why is it always twins that hate me?) who basically ruled the clique, decided I was competition and threw me out. That was the worst time for me: the benches at school are made for two, and I couldn’t sit next to the nicest girl in class without her wrinkling her nose, standing up and moving away. No-one talked to me either (but often enough about me in my earshot) and people made excuses not to have me on their team for gym. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but you didn’t really have to do much with L & L. For example N, another girl, was ignored/dissed for several days because she got a better grade on geography than them (the best grade, actually). IRL Friends: 0. At least I finally found you guys, or… I was very, very depressed. Thankfully I didn’t have facebook or anything, so I was spared that form of nastiness.
The homeroom (in austria, you take almost all classes with your homeroom, so on one hand you don’t need to worry about the rest of the school, on the other there is no escape from bullies) I’m in now is much nicer, probably because their former german teacher bashed anyone who seemed bully-like. Now that the gym incidents have subsided (she’s better at aiming, but I can get pretty focused when I’m pissed), I’m content.
Thankfully, the only sort of bullying I ever got was in elementary school where I was the “goody-two-shoes” “teacher’s pet”, etc. (that isn’t to say I’m not still a goody goody, but I don’t particularly see it as an insult). Of course, there were the one or two people who seemed to just hate me, but that seems to have dissipated. High school is great – everyone in my grade seems to get along well, even though we have our different “groups”.
Oh. My. Cake. Remember those two boys (Chocolate and Nougat)? Well, they have taken stupidity to a new low. So here I am, standing FOUR FEET AWAY from them, and what are they doing? They’re talking about me!!!!! This happened again in English. I don’t get it!! I mean, I’m smart, but not SMART smart. What the bleep is going on!?!?!?
What’s going on is that they’re ignorant donkeys who, frankly, don’t deserve your attention. Just forget about them.
By the way, Massachusetts is enacting that bullying legislation today. I hope it works.
This is a very good thread idea – especially since I used up a good portion of the Paleo threads with my rants about bullying earlier, (Which I think is how we got onto the topic in the first place, Fiddler) no doubt clogging them up, so it’s nice to have a place specifically for bullying, especially since it’s such an important topic to discuss for most of us.
The truth is that I haven’t been bullied that much – people have criticized me or said mean things in the past, but for the most part I’ve always had a nice group of friends and been fairly well accepted. The most bullying I’ve experienced was earlier this year, and because I didn’t really have much past experience dealing with it, that’s one of the reasons why I had such a hard time with it. I can’t really summarize it very well, but it was mostly just a stupid fight between E and I. I think it started when I began talking to T, a boy who she’s had a crush on for awhile (Sooo mature, I know
) and she began hating on me and spreading mean rumors about the whole thing, making it a much bigger deal than it was. I made the mistake of reacting to her and trying to defend myself, only making the situation worse in the process. We ended up both acting like jerks at different points because we both overreacted and blew it up into a lot of drama (Some of which I still have huge regrets about today) but ultimately (from my biased perspective) I’d say that I was the victim who just wanted to end the friendship and she was the predator. We continued to go back and forth from love to hate, but our relationship is better now – we don’t go out of our way to talk and we’re not friends, but we don’t hate on each other and the bullying and using of each other is done.
That being said, I still hear about E gossiping about me behind my back, and she still can be annoying, but I’ve learned to just let it go. She’s not worth it right now anyway.
Unfortunately, the after effects of the deal are still taking place. I was never popular before, but I was relatively well liked, and now a lot of people don’t like me and I have lost some friends from it or at least don‘t have as many good, close friends. People who I barely know have been swayed to assume I’m not nice, and it’s hard. But I’m dealing with it, and I’m glad that I got a taste of it all, because now I know how to deal with it better. I dunno, bullying is still always going to be a hard thing to figure out how to deal with.
Long post.
“Others faulted the bill for not making bullying a crime, but legislators said prosecutors have plenty of weapons in existing statutes, such as those against stalking and harassment. The legislation would amend harassment and stalking laws to include electronic communication.
Civil libertarians said the bill defines bullying so broadly that students could get in trouble for teasing or other free speech that, while offensive, is constitutionally protected.”
Hmm. This sounds like everything is going to be monitored. How is that going to happen? Someone at my school recently got expelled for harassment and taunting.
I was bullied in elementary school. When I first heard about Phoebe Prince I described it on the paleo thread, but I’ll summarize it here. I was mostly teased by this one girl who led a pack of other mean girls and other mean people. They all called me a slow poke and a cry baby. And then there were two boys who were particularly nasty to me. It all stopped when I went to Junior High. It was a much bigger school than my elementary school and, even though a lot of the people who teased me in elementary school also went to my jr. high, we all had our own friends groups and no one bothered.
I guess I’ve been bullied on and off through middle and high school. In middle school because I was younger, smaller, and smarter than everyone else, and in high school because:
1. in freshman year I was perhaps the shortest person in the school, and
2. because I’ve become an oddity since then.
I remember in freshman year when a [generic jock] randomly picked me up and carried me halfway down a hallway. And in study hall this year, a group of people, seeing me sit *gasp* by myself and *gasp* read, occasionally treat me like a circus animal, coming over and saying a few bits of conversation before going back, snickering, to their cronies.
But I’ve never really cared about other people, so it hasn’t bothered me. There’s no reason to let their actions affect my thoughts, so they don’t. I just smile to myself and imagine them working at a 7-11 in ten years. I just continue to go about in my particular lonerish manner.
Whoever bullies you does not know you. You’re the most rule-abiding person here!!!! *worships*
Wow, that takes guts. I wish I was able to do that. *admires*
Although seriously, they carried you down a hallway? That’s….stupid.
I wouldn’t say it takes guts. It’s just who I am. It would be like saying, “Oh, wow, you have red hair. I wish I had red hair. That takes guts.” As for the hallway-carrying, stupid is as stupid does.
I suppose.
Fireh~ You are an awesome person. I had (interestingly enough) two, and later three, “friends” who treated me in a similar manner, and I was older than them as well (though shorter xD). *hugs* You’re not an idiot, spoiled brat, or horrible at everything, and please never think so again.
And to everyone else as well, *hugs*
Well, pleh bullying really sucks, and is really confusing. There are a few bullies in my grade, that like to pick on me, and a few of my friends, who I stick up for when I can. But then other times they act like they find me a perfectly reasonable and respectable person. It really confuses me… One second they’re verbally harassing me, the next they’re laughing at something I did, and I can’t tell if they’re laughing with or at me.
Why do people do that?
Most of the people I know in real life are like that. It’s annoying.
Sadly, that’s me sometimes. But ‘m usually joking, and people know that, so… yeah. My friends and I insult eachother for fun. I even insult myself sometimes.
Nobody deserves to be bullied, especially not anyone here. I just wanted to let you all know that you are great people, and never, EVER allow anyone to make you think that you’re not, because you are beautiful and you deserve all the love and respect in the world.
/sappiness
/truthful sappiness
DITTO.
First of all, I am not saying this because I think myself or anyone else on MB is, but has anyone wondered if they’re a bully?
Well, apparently when I was little a lot of people thought of me as a bully because I was incredibly bossy. People who didn’t want to make me feel bad called it “leadership skills”, but I was pretty bossy and stubborn. I never wanted the person to feel bad, I just wanted them to do what I wanted…which didn’t always mesh. Which is why I watch myself a lot now to make sure I don’t sink back down to where I was.
17~ Yes, actually, but it’s in the friend dynamics.
Some of my friends, two come to mind immediately, who I consider relatively close I pick on in jest. They give it right back, and I think it’s pretty obvious that we’re joking, but sometimes I wonder if I go too far. They’re both slightly delicate at times, if that makes sense. I’ve felt a few times that I’ve overstepped on the sibling-like ribbing I was giving them. I mean, when they’re really having a rough time I don’t tease them, and both have come to me when upset and I’m glad they trusted me, but still. I sometimes wonder if I’m too mean when I’m joking around.
Put into that that Neil (one of the friends, who’s like a brother to me) used to kind of like me, but I dated someone else, and I feel kind of like a creep. I mean, I don’t think anything would have worked between us, but still, he’s a genuinely nice guy and in some ways probably more like me that Pip is in terms of where our lives are headed. Oh well.
And Muffy, well she’s my little sister and I love her to death (most of the time…well, no, all the time), and I know that occasionally she needs me to act mature and do the advice thing, but I’m not sure I always do.
But that’s not bullying, I digress.
Oh, and as for bossiness, yes. I can be bossy, which is amusing since I can also be very quiet and shy. But when I have an idea of how something should go, I’m going to DO IT, goshdarnit, and everyone else better comply!
Late for the….er, party. *raises hands*
Bullying…I have been bullied before, mostly because I was in a foster program for five years in a few different homes before I was adopted, so I moved around a lot. It’s a long story, but there were some people who picked on me for that. Luckily because I moved around a lot, I was able to make new friends quickly and basically escape a lot of it. And I’ve been really fortunate to have amazing friends along the way.
Our high school is actually pretty good. Obviously there are the populars and the nerds and all that crap but for the most part everyone’s relatively nice to one another. I would expect high school to be worse in terms of bullying compared to middle school, but for me it’s pretty much been the other way around.
bullying….well, comments to your face are always bad, but me, usually I’m stuck with the silence, avoidence, occasional laughter in my direction, overt gay disses when I’m around to see how I’ll react sort of thing. It sort of sucks, but I’m used to it…if you ignore the last bit of that sentance, I’ve been dealing with it for the last 6 years. Which isn’t to say I dislike my classmates, a lot of them (esp. the guys) are really nice. Just some aren’t, and I only have 33 people in my grade anyway, so they’re not easy to avoid. but whatever. I can deal just fine.
Hmm…only 33 people? And I thought my grade was small! We have around 80 or so, and sometimes I am sick of the same people all the time.
Wow, people go to some small schools here on MB. *has 600 people in his grade*
Precisely why I’ve always thought of my school as being pretty small. (My church is also a school, however, and that one only has 20 per grade. Honestly, I have no idea how I would survive there.) On the other hand, although several of the high schools around here are small, (Think 60-80 per grade) the major ones all have around 600. Emma goes to one of the high schools that has around that number.
600 people…there are maybe half that in my entire school, K-12. When I first joined in freshman year, high school was 25 students. We all had classes together. Now it’s around 40-45. This was considered a huge increase. We had to separate classes by grade, or have two different English classes–honors and non-honors, for example. And the average class size is ten students.
*hums “No matter how small your school, my school is smaller..”* (without actually going into home school class sizes.)
Whoa. That’s big. We have around… 200ish people in my grade. But is your school just for the town, or the whole county?
There’s a lot of schools in my city, though mine’s the largest.
We have roughly 70, but you’re stuck with the 20-odd people who make up your homeroom. The classes get smaller and smaller the higher up you go- we lost two more people this year, one moved and one dropped out.
starr – SAME HERE. I wish they just had one big middle school in my town, instead of just a bunch of K-8 schools. Oh well, I’ll be in high school next year.
*sticks out tongue*
You should move to my town! As well as all the other MBers in your town!
I see. But do you guys go to private or public schools? The reason why most of the schools I’m talking about only have around 80 students per grade (Or at least, all of the K-8 schools do) is because we’re private. The public schools are much bigger I would imagine.
I go to public school- but the system is different. Roughly 90-105 kids are admitted when secondary school starts and over the years, and about 60-75 graduate (this is over 8 years, so…). The others move, switch schools or burn & drop out entirely.
Per grade level, I mean.
Piggy-
200 per grade feels too large. 100-150 would be better– I want to be able to talk to new people if the old ones get boring and have the wide range of classes we do now, but I want to be able to learn everyone’s names in under two years.
We have about 350 per grade at my high school.
I’m a Program Aide for a Cadette troop of Girl scouts at my school. Today we were discussing bullying, prejudice, and cliqueing. Everyone seems to get the whole ‘prejudice is wrong’ idea, (I pulled out my old friend the March 2006 issue of Muse and introduced them to IATS) but then we asked them if they identified with any cliques….
Long story short. They do. They are a very clique-y bunch of girls. They were insistent on this, and they also insisted that their cliques weren’t doing any harm to anyone. So we asked them if that meant they were just a friendship circle instead. No, they are definitely a clique.
So do they feel like it harms anyone? No they let people be themselves. So they don’t block outsiders form the group? Well, sometimes, but only if they were dumb and stupid. They don’t want uncool people in their group. “It’s not our fault we don’t want to be friends with these people. Well, OK, it is, but they’re annoying and clingy” SO THAT JUSTIFIES EVERYTHING.
We finished up with the issue still unsolved. They just won’t admit that their actions could cause harm to someone…And there are girls in the troop left out. You can tell because they don’t sit next to each other. And yet…
My grade’s social dymnamics? If I actually asked my friends and the general nerd population if they had ever been bullied, a lot of them would say yes, I’m sure. Then there are the few reasonably nice populars, the smart-and-not-really-popular-but-not-total-nerds-either girls, the normal ones, and the bullies and those people who aren’t mean themselves but are too lazy/scared to leave their group. Whenever I hear of someone who’s been bullied at our school, it’s always a certain group, and usually it’s pretty serious and if it stops it’s usually because the bullies found a different target. Cliquiness- Everyone has a lot of friendships outside their cliques(both a blessing and an insane complicated burden) and it’s a pity we only ever do the “Let’s bond as a group and say no to cliquiness!” stuff in my stupid homeroom. Yes, there are the awkward loners, but they mostly get ignored because the bullies pick on people like us when we’re not with our friends. Sometimes it feels like things are getting better and somethimes it’s stupidly complicated. I wonder how different things are at a coed school…