Jokes & Riddles, v. 2006.1
Ripe for revival.
Date: January 3, 2006
Categories: Random craziness
Monday, 6 May 2024
Life, the universe, pies, hot-pink bunnies, world domination, and everything
maaaaybe first post. maybe. possibly. ok.
erm…i have no riddles. heh.
i dont suppose anybody liked my idea of having our own version of bilbo’s riddle game?
yesyesyesyes!!!! good idea good idea!!!!
well i posted my rules on the fresh start thread, but ill repost them here.
RIDDLE GAME
rules
1. one person starts by asking a riddle, and the other persons try to guess it.
2. the first person who gets it right has to ask the next riddle, or someone else could use their answer.
3. if you don’t want to ask the next riddle, don’t tell the answer.
4. any riddle-type thing is fine. don’t ask a riddle that is absolutely impossible to answer.
5. the first person to ask a riddle that nobody can answer, wins.
6. when everybody agree’s that they can’t answer your riddle, you must tell the answer (so we know that there actually was one)
the only problem with this is it depends on peoples knowing some riddles. hopefully since you asked for a riddle thread you do.
Okay, I’ll start out. Yes, I have posted this before. You’re not imagining things.
What is greater than God,
Worse than the devil,
Poor people have it,
Rich people want it,
And if you eat it you die.
isn’t it strange that no one has posted a riddle yet
hey your from the cheese state
Nothing. okay, a riddle that sounds disgusting but the answer isn’t:
I met my sister Sally
while walking in the valley
I broke her neck
and drank her blood
and left her body lying there.
what is sister Sally?
Drugs. Arsenic. No wait, the class distinction doesn’t make sense. My best guess is some type of narcotic.
I’m still Queen Julietaini the Flamablamablous of Kiador (Queenie J), just Froody instead of Flam. Get it? {Got it.} Good.
The answer is nothing.
What’s in my pokket?
The answer is nothing. Nothing is greater then God (objectively), nothing is worse then the devil (again objectively), poor people have nothing (obec tivelyyyyy), rich people want nothing (o-b-j-e-c-t-i-v-e-l-y), and if you eat nothing you die (this part’s true).
I pulled up to a hotel and went bankrupt. What’s going on? You can ask questions.
Shoot. That was me. Now the whole thing is gone.
I don’t know the answers to any riddles. Go me.
Phoenix, isn’t sister Sally dead?
did you have any money before you went bankrupt?
Here’s a really obvious one.
What walks on 4 feet in the morning,
2 feet at noon, and 3 at night and 1 at midnight?
Doi.
You forgot the rest tof the riddle, Pheebs. The last part goes, “and the more legs it has the weaker it is.”
I answered MG’s riddle first! Peoples, from now on you can’t post a riddle unless you answer one first. So read mine and answer it!
That’s the riddle of the Sphinx! The answer is man!
Sally is a bottle of drink, i.e. gin, etc.
That’s not ariddle! How the heck are we supposed to know what’s in your pocket?
what gets bigger the more you take from it?
It’s from The Hobbit. The answer is the One Ring.
and yes, Sally is a bottle of drink.
Phoebe’s riddle is a human.
The answer to my riddle is that I don’t have any pokkets!
I started from home. I took a right, and them a left, and then another left. I ended up back home. How?
Is it Hobbit handses?
What does man love more than life,
Fear more than death or mortal strife,
What poor men have, and the rich require,
What contented men desire,
What misers spend and spendthrifts save,
And all men carry to the grave?
everyone knows the answer…
A) Only one colour, but not one size,
Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies
Present in sun, but not in rain,
Doing no harm and feeling no pain…..
what is it?
B) What gets bigger the more you take from it?
C) Round like an apple, deep like a cup,
but all the kings horses can’t pull it up.
what is it?
D) What force and strength cannot do
i with a gentle touch can do,
and many in the street would stand,
were i not a friend at hand.
what am i?
E) black are we, and much admired
men seek for us if they are tired
we tire the horse, but comfort the man,
tell me this riddle if you can
F) a hill full, a hole full,
you cannot catch a bowl full
G) Black within and red without
with four coners round about
H) in marble wall as white as milk,
lined with skin as soft as silk
within a fountian crystal clear,
a golden apple does appear,
no doors are there to this stronghold,
yet thieves break in and steal the gold
now, people, answers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve got one. This will be peaches to whoever played Encarta Encyclopedia’s Mindmaze back in the day. When I was about six I would get on the computer. Riddle me once, Riddle me twice, I don’t know the words to any riddle prelude rhymes.
What is always close to coming, but never really comes?
Libro:
A) Shadow
B) Hole
C) a well
D) a key
E) coals (or a saddle)
F) shadow again, or darkness
G)????
H) an egg
Grant: tomorrow, or the furture if ou please. I never played Encarta Mindmaze.
All right: I am the black child of a golden father, a wingless bird, flying even to the clouds of heaven. I give birth to tears of mourning in pupils that meet me, even though there is no cause for grief, and at once on my birth I am dissolved into air. What am I?
G: chimney.
peoples are trying to play a riddle game here. hey what about if you are playing the game you put RG at the top of your post. llike so:
RG
except i dont know any of the answers.
RG
well?!? was I right, Mr. Chairman?
and once more I post mine:
I am the black child of a golden father, a wingless bird, flying even to the clouds of heaven. I give birth to tears of mourning in pupils that meet me, even though there is no cause for grief, and at once on my birth I am dissolved into air. What am I?
RG
Smoke.
Yes, correct.
RG(sorta)
i have no idea what you are
Smoke.
I pulled up to a hotel and went bankrupt. What’s going on?
You’re playing monopoly!
Nice! It took me forever to figure that one out when I first heard it!
RG, if anyone wants to do this one.
A horse is tied to a rope fifteen feet long. A bunch of hay is thirty feet away. No wind is blowing, and the rope stays intact. Yet somehow, the horse manages to get the hay. How?
o, come off it!!!!!!!!! the horse is tied to the rope, and the rope isn’t tied to anything. am i right?
RG
the horse is the max away from the hay allowed by the rope. the peg, the center point of the rope, is 15 feet from the hay. therefore the horse can walk the thirty feet to the opposite extent of the rope and eat the hay.
Or the rope is hanging loose.
easy one (Sphinx can’t answer it):
Peeps through the curtains but is not spying
dances on tables but is not shamed
drowns in the ocean without once dying
owned by all but never claimed.
Pheonix:
first my name is L*I*L*B*R*O, not libro.
A) correct
B) correct
C) correct
D) correct
E) coal
F) incorrect
G) unanswered
H) correct
u r good.
now this:
once, there was an old king, and he had no heirs. he knew that his time was almost over, so he called a contest to determine who would reign after him. the contest was open to everyone who wanted to participate. all one had to do to become the kings heir was to dance, throw a spear into the air, and count to ten before it hit the ground. a rather stuck up noble went first. his dance was terrible, and he only got to 3 before the spear fell and knocked him out. as he was dragged away, a prince from a neighboring kingdom came in the hopes of ruling two kingdoms instead of one. he was a good deal more gracful than the noble, but he was only to 5 when the spear hit the ground, narrowly missing him. and so it went, for hours and hours. at last, a thin stable boy with a mop of brown hair stepped forward and asked if he might have a try? the nobles all laughed and told him to go muck out a stall or something, but the king, who had a kind heart, told him to try. the boy was by far the most graceful and nimble of the contesters so far, having spent most of his life dodging blows. he easily counted to ten before the spear hit the ground, or rather, he caught it after counting to ten. how did he do it?
thankee. But I once read the dragon book too…
and for G I will take Mr. Chairman’s answer of a chiminey. found mine yet?
Anyone going to try my riddle?
I started from home. I took a right, and them a left, and then another left. I ended up back home. How?
Excuse me! What’s that supposed to mean?
is it RG?
b/c you made the previous rights and lefts, fetracing your steps. Think about it.
and again:
Peeps through the curtains but is not spying
dances on tables but is not shamed
drowns in the ocean without once dying
owned by all but never claimed.
Sunlight?
yep! good, Mr. Administrator!
you get to pose one to me now.
I don’t know any riddles! I’m an answer man, not a question man. But I have found a great Web site with a collection of Old English (Anglo-Saxon) riddles from the Exeter Book, including this one.
Tolkienites will enjoy it. It begins:
Middle-earth is made lovely in unmatched
Ways rich and rare. Across the hall
I saw a creature singing-nothing wilder
In the haunts of men...
(No, J. R. R. Tolkien did not invent Middle-earth.)
Sphinx — I played Monopoly recently. That’s why that riddle was easy for me. The answer just popped into my head.
how long was the game?
This is a joke, not a riddle. Ahem:
A minister, a preist, and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The bar tender looks up and says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
I heard that one too! Like a million times! Wow!
ok, so it was funny the first time i heard it. I’ll give it that…
He couldn’t count, so he just counted 1…3…10? Or he counted really fast?
sphinx: no, he is edukated, and he did not count really fast.
what does it mean if you go home and you don’t have to do any homework or do any chores?
I’m a cheesehead
He threw it really high? Or a bird caught it and dropped it again? Or he never threw it at all? Is a he supposed to be throwing it horizontally or vertically? If I am to assume he is throwing it vertically, I think the answer is he threw it horizontally.
Did he count in base ten?
Or did the spear bounce?
Ok. I WILL figure it out!
Okay, meanwhile, I have one of my own.
A man lay dead in a cabin in the woods. Ask yes or no questions to figure out what’s going on.
he got the spear stuck in the ceiling?
R.G.
Adon Moreh, that riddle was HARD! I thought it was a harp, but there were about ten zillion answers when I looked.
Its not really a riddle but here goes.
You go into a hardware store and ask the cashier:
How much does one cost? $3
How much do sixteen cost? $6
How much do a hundred cost? $9
What are u buying?
( something for your house)
Here is another really stupid one.(that I did not make up!)
You climb a cherry tree where there are cherries. You do not pick cherries, but you do not leave cherries either. What did you do?(You did not eat any!)
there wasn’t any cherries
Oh, that’s easy. No cherries.
#53: you are either dead or dreaming — Newsies
No, the quote is: For a dreamer night’s the only time of day.
As I said: I know the riddle on the HP board. Zallie and Pheebs, can I say it? pleasepleaseplease?
Sphinx: about the dead guy: did somebody kill him?
#49- i dont get it…. sry but i have not heard that joke before…. what?! why are you all cyberlly staring at me!!??
Sphinx- about the dead guy… is this what happened?
The DG walked into the cabin as it was being robbed. The robbers saw him and shot him with a gun… Seeing they had missed, the ran away and came back at midnight.. While the DG was asleep they threw him to the ground and killed him with a weapon. Is that right?
Meanwhile i have my own riddle…
There’s guy named Willy Nilly… Ask what he likes and dislikes to figure out who he is..
here’s a hint- he likes swimming but he doesn’t like to swim.
He was not murdered.
Willy nilly likes things that have two of the same letter in their name.
Power-That-Bes, what is the answer?
Sphinx! You are taking my answer without giving me credit?! Bad Sphinx!
Lusifer Ink. — what is the the answer to what?
What, should I say that you told me, and then lose?
Robert’s riddle. Was it ever answered?
You and Robert are both Powers-That-Be.
Ah.
The answer is …
BAGPIPE
Ah. I didn’t see the link, so I was really confused for a bit.
wisconsinite stole my idea grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….
About DG: Are there other people who live/are in the woods?
i knew it was a bagpipe. i am so smart. actually i clicked on the solutions page. *gets pied by angry musebloggers*
Someone else eats the cherries? There were no cherries? I give up. Zarquon, you guys can riddle.
Oh, fine. But I really want to say it.
I’d say it’s fine for you to say it, actually. Scratch my last post, wherever it went.
The DG may or may not have been alone.
Sphinx,
Is the cabin made of metal?
Yes.
all right. I posted the answer elsewhere, but I will re-post it here.
FIRE.
the only element that stands alone. Am I right? And if I come in the middle of the plot, can I still play the contest? I heart riddles.
i think the contest died. there was only supposed to be one riddle at once, and whoever answered it asked the next one. i am not a big fan of riddles, but i thought it was a cool idea.
I can’t say if you’re right or not, but you’d better apply quick like a bunny if you want to be in this storyline!
Yay, our new plotline is oh-so-cryptic…
*cries* it isn’t my fault! I’m trying to join as hard as I can!
what do you mean by “plotline”?
Yes, the cabin is made of metal.
oh, you meant hp.
oh, you meant hp.
talk about in on the hp thread please.
Did the cabin come from somewhere else?
Yes.
If you know what it is, out with it!
hey did anyone answer #39’s riddle yet? answer it so i don’t feel stupid any more not knowing what it is…
Why can’t you join, Phoenix?
39- He never threw it- he held it above his head, and than tossed it a bit at nine or so. Am I right?
Amoung other things, we still haven’t finished searching all your email addresses on the the board to see if any of you are psycos. (how do you spell that, anyway?) even though I have been lurking for 6 months.
Phsyco. P-H-S-Y-C-O. Pheonix is a physco.
Wha do I win?
My phsyconess. Here ya go. *hands Sphinx her phsyconess*
Huh. All I can say is ‘be snappy’ ’cause the plotline’s starting on Wednesday & adding people after that will be a pain and possibly impossible.
Sphinx (#57): Was it an airline cabin? You know, the kind of cabins they have on planes? If it is, he was killed by a plane crash.
well? what’s the answer to #39?!?!
#103: Yes.
#104: I think he counted to ten, then through the stick in the air and caught it.
sorry. *is sad* I really really can’t help it.
I know. *hugs*
Pyscho. As in “Pyscho Killer” by Talking Heads.
I heart the airline cabin riddle.
I thought it was spleled psycho…
DG was not murdered, he may or may not have been alone, the cabin is made of metal. I’m with MG. I think he is in a plane which crashed in the woods, killing him. We must revive the riddle game! Nobody post anymore riddles until we’ve gotten the one’s that are here already, okay?
okay.
Oh. It is Psycho. Never mind. Fire me.
As you wish.
You’re fired!
I don’t think you can fire queens. You have to depose them, lock them up in a tower or dungeon, and eventually behead them. If they escape, you can declare them exiled. Firing, though, seems thoroughly unroyal.
But we don’t want to behead or exile queen j! She’s too funny to be beheaded/exiled!
Besides, she asked to be fired, not beheaded, deposed, locked up, or exiled.
AAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no one has gotten the right answer yet so i vill tell you: he threw the spear in the air and counted by 5s (5, 10) the king didn’t say how to count. erm…..
Hey! You threw us off the trail when you answered the question about him counting “1…3…10”! Have we gotten the cherry one yet? Maybe you didn’t do anything. Or maybe you did something completely unrelated to cherries. I don’t get it.
pthbt.
In pricipio creavit Deus caelum et terram.
Gloria in excelcies deo.
anyone know latin?
Latin joke.
A Centurion is stomping back towards Rome along the Appian Way. he hasn’t had a good day. He needs a drink. He stomps into a roadside tavern and slumps onto a stool at the bar.
“Yes, Centurion?” says the barkeeper.
“Give me a Martinus” says the centurion.
“Er – you mean Martini, don’t you?” asks the barkeeper.
Centurion, gruffly : “Look, mate, if I want a double, I’ll ask for one!”
*grin*
*comes back*
I meant that sarcastically! Ms. Spector is right, as always.
Nice Latin joke, Mr. Baker. Very nice and age-appropriate.
I have a sports riddle! A man leaves home, makes three left turns,
and sees two men in masks. Who are they? (I know it’s easy.)
Thirty white horses on a red hill…
That was Mr. Coontz, not me. He’s right pretty often too.
*groan* please no. I have an EXAM on that coming up and i am sooooooooooooooooooooooo sooooooooooooooo sooooooooooooo sooooooooooooo note the extremely large # of oooooooooooooooos soooooooooooo tired of latin. I’m sure that joke would be absolutely hilarious under any other circumstances…
the catcher and the umpire?
those 2 have masks right? i don’t know much about baseball…
oh btw if u wanted to trick us u probably shouldn’t have mentioned that it was a sports riddle…but that’s ok…
I’m dying peoples. Either that or i’m rotting in hell for something terribly evil i did in my past life…
lucky you. i wish i could take latin. instead ill probably end up taking french my whole life.
I know some Latin. How come we’re not talking about jokes or riddles? Except the Latin one. That was a good one, Mr. Baker.
#120- PB, i don’t get it… what’s that mean?
Kricket- in latin, the plural of a word ending in “us” is “i”. So, for example, actually never mind because suddenly I can’t think of any second declention verbs… Oh, got one. The plural of “cactus” (you know those spiky plants?) is “cacti”. The “us” is replaced by an “i”, as opposed to being “cactuses”.
omg cactus is latin too??
*bangs head on desk menny menny times*
Most words that end in “us” are Latin (masculine singular, plural “i”). So are most words that end in “um” (neuter singular, plural “a”).
haha wanna hear all the endings? Too bad i can’t remember the bleepin things. *bangbangbang* except i know 1st declension-a, ae, ae, am, long a however you type that… and then plural, ae, am, arum, is, as, is. 2nd i can only do about half of and i mix up all the 3rds.
Oh well. Latin isn’t that bad i guess. I can walk up to random people and say random things like “Cave! Puella baculo!” and watch them stare in confusion as i calmly walk away leaving them pondering the vast amount of things they don’t know.
#130-what does that mean?
huh?
im confuzzled.. and i don’t know why….
yeh! peoples are pikking up on my term! *yayness*
ok, Gung hay fat choy! (which means, unless i am mistaken, happy new year in chinese.)
you mean conuzzled?
cunfuzzled. yea.
hey its weird. i left this [stupid] windows xp on for2 days waiting for it to download macromedia flash 8 so i cood play this game, and it never downloaded…..??
Please, if you already know it, don’t answer.
I kows. Buts i wont tellses yet*.
*Unless Choklit is involved.
Sorry! that one was from me. This same computer thing is starting to bother me.
But you noticed before you submited it and didnt change it. Bad violetfire.
JOKE:
WHAT KIND OF KILLERS, DO PRIESTS LIVE IN MORTAL FEAR OF?
“MASS” MURDERERS!
Does “caelum” mean “sky” in Latin?
I think so. Why?
Wow. Haven’t been here in a while…
#131-that means “Beware. Girl with stick”
Although i am happy to say that i have managed to guess my way through those endings and as a reward, have begun the horror of perfect tense. Which isn’t hard in itself-except when you confuse it with the other million different lists of endings. Gotta love latin
#137-did he live on the 87th floor, perchance?
#142-Haha. Excuse any hint of sarcasm-i’m horribly unappreciative of puns. That is actually a pretty good one, as puns go.
Mer, caelum means heaven. I’m taking latin class and boy is my teacher horrible.
What’s Brown and Sticky?
A stick!
what lies on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck!
Jewish Joke:
A bee and another bee were flying by. As they flew past the synogauge, one of them put on a yammkah. “Why did you put that on?” asked the other bee. The first bee said, “I didn’t want them to think I was a WASP”
I have this funny idea for a political joke that would be great on the internet.
MINI-SCRIPT:
1. Show short video of excited male chimp. Jumping up and down, slapping the ground, and generally behaving like a big jerk.
2. Show short video of Bill O’ Rielly on ‘The O’ Rielly Factor’ losing his temper, and shouting at a guest (who cannot be seen in the shot).
3. Morph image of tantrum throwing male chimp, onto the guest chair, and replay the video of Bill shouting. Only this time, take out the actual shouting, and replace it, with what sounds like another agressive male chimp.
Read chapter 13, of Al Franken’s ‘Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them,’ to learn more about Bill O’ Lielly.
Cedear, have you ever seen Outfoxed? Its all aboiut Bill O’reily and Fox News, and what jerks they are. I’d recommend it to you.
Also: I was watching when Bill O’Reily said “Shut up. Shut Up. the phrase “Shut Up” has only been used 6 times. Shut Up”
joke:
what do you do if attacked by a group of clowns?
scare them