A musepaper for newsers, by popular request (original idea by Kricket, name by Jadestone). We’re not sure whether you want to write news about the places where you live (carefully disguising local names, etc.) or to write news about the blog and the magazine, but we’re sure you’ll sort it out. Double pink-bunny bonus points for writing it in real newspaper style.
Patience, Please
This site is under reconstruction and will look strange for a while. We regret the inconvenience.
BIGG IMPORTINT MAGAZEEN IN TOWNE!!!!!
by Peter-Joe
So theirs this magazeen and its reely kool. Becuz it has sience stuf and mathy stuf and funnee stuf. Its calld MUSE. I gett this magazeen and I lyke it becuz its funnee and has a blogg on the Intirnet, wich is soopa kool. I cant rite anymor heer becuz I gotta go and blogg my hart owt. Byebye.
pleaaaase first post
(my fourth attempt today)
First Post
Pentatonikk, 13, has gotten the first post. Maybe. This reporter will now proceed to spin facts wildly out of proportion, in true newspaper fashion. Pentatonikk says, “I’ve been reading Muse for so long, I can actually remember the time before pink bunnies and Bo’s page, when there was a Muse News and people actually wanted to talk about cats.” This reporter is not sure how relevant it is to the article.
I was just thinking of writing a description of the blog. Funny.
YOU ARE TOTALLY NOT ALLOWED TO SPELL MUSE WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’ll See In a Minute
by Jessie (aka Lusifer Ink)
If you aren’t sure what this article is about, you’ll see in a minute.
(Somewhere in Scottland, Noonish) Emily Iwannacookie, 12, has found a brain! This is an amazing event. After believeing that this would never occur, spectators are staring in awe at this marvelous sight. She has somehow managed to get so far without a bunch of nerve endings in her head. Now that she’s got on, who knows what else will happen?
Hæna Shale, 17 and a freshman at Drexel University, has finally discovred her purpose in life: to write. She has already published a novel, “11:11”, under the pen name Blue Antonia, and is one of the youngest people to ever publish any work as a full book. “It’s like competing with Christophr Paolini,” she xplains, “which rules because he’s my favorite author.” Shale is working on “Zenith” about science gone wrong and is already drafting a new novel, “Aurora.” Frankly, we are getting scared. Time is all wrong now, because the great authors are getting younger.
Is that true? If it is, that’s awesome! If not, I sad.
yes!!!!!!!! thank you sosososososososo much!!!!!!!! i’m gonna copy+paste this so kitten can see it!!!! but first… hehehehe…
Muse News Report!
Warning!
It has seemed that in the moment of granting the Muse Bloggers a wish for a thread, the GAPAs (consisting of Robert Coontz and Rosanne Specter) have actually spelled Muse wrong!!! How do the Muse Bloggers feel about this misspelling? Let’s hear from Em, a distressed Muser.
Em says and I quote,” YOU ARE TOTALLY NOT ALLOWED TO SPELL MUSE WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The GAPAs were not available for comment.
Maddie Mynameis has finally gotten out of bed, an amazing concept, and she actually got on the computer in time to be in the first ten posts. Reporters crowd around the Mynameis household to get a look at, and maybe a few words out of, the girl who was once a lazy lump out of bed before noon on a Sunday.
News from the anonymous place where I live: MY BEST FRIEND”S PET TURTLE HAS ESCAPED! He is currently ravaging the suburb town of *****. Yay! Rabid turtles!
News flash! Ebeth Secretoohscary, 14, has discovered at the last minute that she has a band concert today! How totally clueless and unobservant of her. Editor-HEY! Is this an editorial? I don’t think this is an editorial! Keep your opinions to yourself!!! Random newsperson-
Sorry. She will now proceed to freak out and wonder why nobody told her before. In her own words, “I will now proceed to freak out. Why did nobody ever tell me before?” RN-They probably did and you just weren’t listening you inconsiderate blocker of other peoples sentences! Editor-*shoots death glare at RN*
Weather Report from The Anonymous place where I live
Today it is fairly sunny out with only a few clouds. The temperature is 45*F. It’s a perfect day for biking and outdoor activities. There’s no fronts moving through the area so far and everything seems fine and dandy around here.
News from PA
Let’s sum it up. Lots of people have been killed or gone missing. Wow don’t we live in a wonderful place! NOT!
Local
A dog escaped from the home of ****** **********. Fortunately it was returned to it’s owner ****** although it escaped into the elementary school first. Luckily no one got dog slobber all over them.
Warning!
UFO sighted above the Muse publisher place! A bystander reported seeing Hot Pink Bunnies being sucked up into the ship. One Hot Pink Bunny survivor had this to say: “Oh my poor friends!!! How will we ever finish next month’s issue?”
The GAPAs are devastated. Without the Hot Pink Bunnies the Muse Blog might not work!!! Okay fine it will work but it will take a lot of manual labor on the GAPAs part.
And that is all for today folks! I’m Kricket signing off.
Oh no! Not actual Manual Labor by the GAPAs!
Kidding. We really appreciate everything you guys do.
Thanks! It’s nice to be appreciated.
We really could manage without the bunnies here, but we’d miss them.
Yeah, what else would you cover the cats and dogs with? Turtles?
hey, RRF, I actually can remember the time before hot pink bunnies and Bo’s page… and then when they started the false fact thing but didn’t bother to tell you which one it was…
I laughed so hard reading that…I missed a lesson yesterday (did I tell you?) so now I am music-deprived and no one will take me to the library or anywhere at all today, but my sister gets to go shoe-shopping, so I am really not happy today. Oh yes-
I CALL THE OSCAR PARODIES TOMORROW!!! They should be posted around four (if a GAPA could stand by, groovy) and be acidic satire that should show up on Google, when posted, if you type in “Oscar awards send-up”. I am totally inspired by Tom Lehrer’s actually being alive. w00t! nEWt! nEWt w00t!
Hey, Jon Stewart is hosting the Oscars! I’d like to see you be funnier than him.
Landofplasticppl Underground Press
issue I
edtior/writer/everything else you can think of: emogrl themole
WHAT HAPPENED ON SATURDAY
well, absolutely nothing, except emogrl had to miss her friends in the thespian play in order to go to dinner @ her aunt + uncle’s + listen to ppl scream @ each other
TODAYS BREAKING NEWS
haha got u there. after awakening @ 11:05, emogrl waited for almost 2 hrs in order to use the computer + has just remembered that she promised to vacuum half of the house yesterday + still hasnt done it, so shell be leaving soon… she also remembers that she needs to get at least 30 more pictures of jon foreman to plaster the kitchen w/ (shes already done this w/ 21 pics of him) in an attempt to have her parents drive her to a switchfoot concert in ******** next month. wish her luck.
Yaaaaaaaaaaay you used my name for a news place!!! Why doesnt it say name thanks to Jadestone?! I came up with it! Please? You put “thred and decription thanks to EM” under winter olimpics… Please?
because the thread was my idea. hem hem. MINE just kidding. but still… wait so it was you who made it Mews Nuse!!! DIE FIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jk.
News from ************************************
by an anonymous reporter
dark lord of darkness has been sighted not doing his homework at all, event hough he has procrastinated on it all week.i will now quote dark lord of darkness”but i dont wanna do my homework! its boring!” now i will quote his parents “we are really getting worried about ****** actually getting his homework done.” inn response to this dark lord of darkness has said “dont worry! ill get it done i allways do!” wheatherthis statement is true or notis not know at this moment.furthur news in an unspesified amont of time.
Queen j (#18) and GAPA-we should have an oscar thread where queen j shall post her lovely parodies that are sure to be hilariously funny and then we can all laugh hysterically, it being extremely late (or perhaps early) or maybe just randomly be erm random and stuff and i am really hyper now no idea why so i shall go sleep that’s probably it cuz i stayed up all night and that always makes me hyper so bye
NEWS BULLETIN: IT IS CURRENTLY 5:21 WHERE I LIVE AND MY SISTER IS AT HOME AND SHE IS NOT BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS. This is, like, so major I can’t even believe it. She’s normally the queen of hyperness.
Special report, live from Somewhere!
A small, fluffy dog has recently been sighted trotting around a posh hotel and wagging her tail a lot. Spectators are horrified. “We’re horrified!” one of them summed up. “The carnage is just awful. I can’t bear to see one more stray dog hair on my best Persian carpet!” The spectator swooned shortly after uttering this and had to be carried out of the building.
Police are sending in multiple crews to block off exits, herd the idiot spectators out of the way, and oh yeah, get the dog and give it back to its owner. They are unsuccessful so far. The dog has managed to evade all police stationed inside the building while simultaneously chewing up some posh curtains and a waitstaff uniform.
The final score is Dog 3, Police 0. Back to you, Anchorperson.
“I’m not planning on covering the Oscars,” states unpopular newswriter Moose, “but I’m interested to hear other’s takes.”
“A Maricle on—” WHAP! The headline writer is pounded over the head as he is about to reveal the town and street name.
“For the first time in a LONGGGGGGGGGG time, S—” WHAP! A new reporter is recruited as the old one is fired. “For the first time in a LONGGGGGGGGGG time, a city in Arizona has had rain. What, oh, sorry. Not rain, but clouds. But these clouds have prompted 12,000 people to do a rain dance. At 5:30 am, thousands of people walked down to —–Mall, and did a ceremonial rain dance. It is the first of it’s kind, and the participents stated that they will do this every Wednsday morning. Will this help, or will it be a lost cause. When asked how long the rain dance would last until it expired, a participent who wishes to remain anonomys said, “The next rain, even if two years from now, will be because of us.”
Some say this is a bit hopeful, while others believe that S—” WHAP! Oh darn we’re out of reporters.
I can be funnier than Jon Stewart with my eyes closed. Jon Stewart can take a running jump as far as I’m concerned! But not before he’s given me lots of material to make fun of. And so should everyone else, for that matter.
News at 8:03!
Some piano playing is going on up stairs in the ******* household today. This is actually surprising because the people are done playing the instrument for today. Thank you for your time and patience as we gave you this update.
It’s time for another anouncement …
POSSIBLE MUSE MOVIE?
BY CEDAR
About a week or so ago, I [ QUESTION: ]
suggested the idea of a Muse
movie on the ‘Suggestions’ I think Jim Carrey
thread. It picked up almost should play Koko.
intstantly, and a new and What do you think?
popular thread was started. [ ]
However, the future of a Muse
movie, based on Larry Gonick’s
‘Attack of the Smart Pies,’ is very
fragile. The threads are periodically
changed, in order to make room for
new threads. So there is no telling
how long this one will be around.
It is up to Muse fans all across the
world, to post their ideas on the
‘Muse movie?’ thread in the
‘Random craziness’ section.
Kids should also send as many
letters as possible to the
‘Muse Letterbox,’ asking them to
considor making a Muse movie.
TIP: Suggest that the profits be sent to Hurricane Katrina victims.
If anyone gets the Boston Globe (it’s a newspaper for all of New England, so it revels nothing about where i live) there’s a really cool article about the Roomba vacum in the C section.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELANGELO!!!!!
i just thought i’d share that…
Actually, yes, that shows that you live in the New England area (wherever that is)!
huzzah! i just recieved my new mag.
i especially like the “Live Long and Prosper” sign on page 13.
Not nessasaraly
Landofplasticppl Underground Presswriter/editor/wvr - emogrl
Today emogrl awoke after a nice 2 hours of rest to a new and exciting MONDAY! While changing busses at the local junior high, she ran into her stalker - again - who has reportedly been following her and proclaiming his love for three weeks. Unfortunately, it is said that this person in particular has been proclaiming his love to many others as well, and that is why he earned the nickname Creepy Stalker Guy. Emogrl is at a loss regarding what to do in this situation.
During choir first hour, Emogrl's teacher had a psychotic breakdown after suddenly realizing that choirfest is in 2 days, and the choir doesnt know any of its musik. The situation does look rather dismal at this point.
At approximately 11:00 am, after wasting half of her lunch hour practicing musik- that will never be learned in time- with the rest of her section, Emogrl was walking to the cafeteria building when she was reportedly assailed by 4 friends all trying to hug her at once for no apparent reason. Then they abandoned her. Once she actually reached the cafeteria, Emogrl had finally come to the moment she had been waiting for the entire morning - the buying of her choklit chip muffin. However, before she could sink her teeth into the too-great-for -the -cafeteria goodness, it was stolen by another friend, however, after a brief war, she managed to re-sieze the muffin, and all was well once again.
During 6th hr, Emogrl was ecstatic to hear from a friend that their parents could take them to the ROCKY HORROR SHOW at MIDNITE at the local playhouse this weekend! She will definitely provide the toast to throw at the stage...
After Emogrl finished her homework - wait! i still have homework to do! …psh, gotta go. mrahr…
does anyone know how to get rid of a creepy stalker guy w/o being relly mean??
Quite simple. Just tell him to go to h***, or something along those lines if you’d rather say something more polite. Really, getting rid of the mean ones is easy. Getting rid of nice ones is more of a problem.
Oh wait…dyslexic moment sry. I thought you said “who’s” being really mean instead of “w/o” being really mean.
Erm…
Well…
I had this creepy stalker a year younger than me (so he couldn’t stalk me much) and…erm…well i moved to ohio.
So moving to ohio works!
but if you’d rather not…
not sure. sry.
I will probably never have a Creepy Stalker Guy. I’m not the kind of girl people stalk. I’m too weird and independent for that. Plus, I know kung-fu. And I can throw people. That’s what we were working on today at my lesson. It’s fun.
Lucky. I only know basic defensive moves. My parents say I’m too violent for my own good, and I overestimate my martial skills, mainly because there is a huge bully in my class who keeps beating up on little chiddlers, and I keep telling him to leave ’em alone or I’ll slug him into next Monday. My mum and dad say that they are worried he’ll take me up on it, whereupon I’ll be pounded to a pulp because a) he is about a foot taller than I and b) he is a boy, and so is stronger than I am. Hehe. My moves don’t rely on strength.
Whatever. The point is that they think I’m too self-confident, and martial arts will make me more so. Bleh.
Phoenix, you sharpen our fingernails!
You are the only people i know who leave me lost for words…
i usually have that effect on everyone
one of you guys should teach me martial arts
I’m a black belt in Tae-Kwon-Do. I’m also an assistant teacher.
I take fencing. My goal is to break my sword by stabbing someone in the head. (Its not as bad as it sounds)
Awesome. I’m a first-level brown belt, going on black. And it isn’t bad to be self-confident if you really can do the things you think you can. Here, I’ll teach you a throw right now. Actually, just a kind of flip. But that’s okay. Watch carefully…………………………….. There. Did you get it?
How old are you, bulletproffmarshmellow? At my school for martial arts, Shihan (my teacher. He’s a ninth-level black belt) only has adult senseis. But then, kung-fu comes from China, and Tae-kwon-do is Korean, right? They’re different.
What i really hate is when people call it karate. I mean, they’re really different, but people are familar with karate, so they call any kind of martial art that.
38/42- i had a creepy stalker guy once. he was completely in love with me ALL THROUGHOUT eighth grade. seriously, at the semiformal, he got the rest of our grade to vote for him as king and me as queen. basically i glared him down and refused to dance until he ran away….he was mean to most of my friends so i didn’t feel to bad…
45- heh heh heh i know that feeling…it’s rather amusing…in a sadistic manner…
today, in 1854, charles miller received a patent for the sewing machine that stitched buttonholes.
It’s Billy Zoom’s birthday! YAY BILLY ZOOM!!!
There’s a guy, an Arab, who calls me “the peach-buttocked jewel of the Nile”. I pointed out that I’ve never been in, near, or within a hundred miles of the Nile in my life. He just gushed at me until I gave up.
Landofplasticppl Underground Presseditor/writer/wvr : Emogrl
issue 4
Firstly, Emogrl would like to thank all the readers ( she is quite surprised that people are able to get through an entire issue without dying of boredom) of the Press for their stalker-ditching ideas.
Today Creepy Stalker Guy (will now be referred to as CSG) was stalking Emogrl, as usual, but not for long because as soon as she made it to F building she pulled the I'm-going-to-the-scary-honors-physics-room trick that she with her nerd mind thought of (this trick has indeed proved to scare many a person off). After a day filled with parallel circuits drawing, looking frantically through a copy of the US Constitution to find answers for a Government worksheet, and polynomial graphs in trig, Emogrl had her usual 45 minute bus ride home, blasting her musik all the way there and making those sitting in neighboring seats wonder.
Once at home, Emogrl split a thingie of toll house cookie dough with her brother, which is so far the highlight of her day- the cookie dough, NOT her brother. Honestly now. She then had an exhilerating two hours of circuit drawing homework, and is now supposed to be reading "All the King's Men" for AP Lang, so... i g2g. byebye.
I SO WANT TO MEET OTHER MUSERS! I will die of unfulfilled wishes if we don’t have a Muse convention sometime before I die!
Wait. That didn’t make sense.
Muse Convention! The thought brings tears of happiness to my eyes! (Sort of. I mean, I just used eyedrops, but it’s possible okay?)
That would just…be absolutely wonderful. As long as it was held in either New York City or Philadelphia. But that would show BIAS, wouldn’t it? -shock and horror-
Well, perhaps. Though it is only a distant dream…-gathers her breath and begins to break into song- A dreeeaaaam! -is rudely interrupted by a king who appears suddenly in the room and screams “STOP SINGING! There’ll be no singing ‘ere!”-
…ah, well. I’ll go back to staring at the curtains. One day, you know, all of those curtains will be mine.
Darth Yoda! Very late did I read your post. (#48)
That has long been a goal of mine as well! It’s the only reason I still fence foil. (Blatant lies. It’s really only because I’m no good at it yet, and lazy in addition.) If I switched to epee, it would be quite hard to break…
it would be fun to hav a muser convention but how the heck would we actually do it?
News?
Unfortunately, I have no News. I must find some.
But Muse convention sounds awesome. Though more likely than not I wouldn’t be able to come.
Well, I’m off to find some news…
we could take over that uber spiffy skating rink. and we could have the convention there.
I have a big field next to my house. We could all just run around insanely, scaring flocks of Canada geese.
58- a convention?!? we shoud. without a doubt. and get convention t-shirts. i love getting t-shirts from everywhere i go
The Muse Convention should be in Chicago, since that’s where the offices are. Plus then i can stay at mine uncle’s.
Or not.
Maybe we should flood the fan page’s inbox. (I have a feeling the fan page would pay more attention than the company…)
Whee! SPAMSPAMSPAMSPAM!
Ok done spamming now.
If we do a convention though, we should totally have hoodies that say PWT PWNS!!! on the back and little kokos all over and a giant PIE!!! with 3.1415 written in frosting (well ok, a picture of frosting) and have this big empty space on the back for everybody to sign and hot pink bunnies all over (alternating with the kokos) and the “meet the muses” thing and erm…erm…erm…how much space do we have left??? hmm…
Right. Well. News.
*SKIP REST OF POST IF YOU DO NOT CARE ABOUT EBETH’S BORING LIFE!!!*
The Band Geek News reports…
The most amazing and totally cool section of the band, that is, the trumpet section, had sectionals today before skool. Ebeth got there right at 11:25. In the room were David and Andy, both freshmen as well. Two minutes later, it is 11:27 and Mike walks in the room, a senior, so he is allowed to be late. Three minutes after, it is 11:30 and we see Billy, a junior, first part (obviously mike is first, and Ebeth, David, and Andy are all 3rd). Right afterwards comes Peter, junior, first part. We start playing, Schneids seeing that it is 11:30 and we were supposed to start at 11:25. At 11:35, in comes Devin, freshman, 3rd part, and Ebeth’s stand partner. We now have a total of six trumpets. No seconds. We have two freshmen missing-Tyler, and Eric (who was in the main hall when we got out and who *ahem* “forgot”). No sophomores present out of maybe five. And thus, out of a good 15-20 trumpets, we end up with six during sectionals. *sigh* Such is the sad life of the devoted band geek. Ah well.
Oh yes and more news of the day, Ebeth took a very easy math quiz, and did absolutely nothing in gym class. In english, she read Antigone, and that was her day. Huzzah. (w00t half days rock. i love you whoever ordered the wrong test!!!)
Following that, she walked home in the rain. Ouch. But she had her coat. Yay.
And that is my boring life.
dark lord of darkness would like a muse convention. unfourtunatly his parents would most likely not allow him to go. no he will unshamefully plaigerize ebeth’s idea and tell people about his boring life.
he won (sort of) the cornell university science challange! (a rea;;y big science fair.)
“PWT PWNS” has got to be the greatest slogan ever crafted by the mind of a human! huzzah!
chichago…hmm…maybe we could flood the muse offices in a rampant flood of insane fandom
–now about my pathetic life–
i had gym class today. and we played dodgeball. i can neither throw nor catch. so my hp-obsessed friend and i ran around the gym screaming “i got the bloody snitch!” after we finally captured a yellow ball. ‘t was great indeed
some science teachers were at some sort of meeting, and the theology department (yeah, i’m now at a catholic school) was with the bishop. all science and theology classes were thereby directed to the auditorium. i sat with one of my…uh…five? friends for theology. and alone in the middle of the seating for science.
my curriculum from my olde school wasn’t completely aligned with that of my new school, so i ended up in math and science courses one year above my current grade level. i might as well get a blinking “NERD” sign and wear it on my head. yay nerds! but i’m more of a black-and-the-occasional-dark-colour person than a neon-sing person…alas!
and i completely pwnd my spanish test today!
and the one in pre-calc!
Today we made simulation aerogel. Also, today is the International Day of the Woman. United Nations. Today Queenie completely shocked her advisor by admitting that yes, beneath her ska-bop exterior, she wears bikinis on vacation. The advisor, a conservative Christian (no offense to), Mrs. Raming, went on to denounce Queenie as an infidel on learning that the monarch was an atheist. Shortly after, Queenie discovered that the reason her test grade was so low is that her teacher used the wrong key to grade it. Also today, the girl in question flew into a hockey net and unintentionally broke a hockey stick by the stick hitting her left hip, which fortunately survived the accident but sports a bruise approximately the size of South America. To end Queenie’s exciting, painful, and oh-so-infidelic day, she narrowly avoided being stuffed into her locker by kicking a certain boy in a particularly vulnerable spot. This operation was greatly aided by Queenie’s Doc Martens, and resulted in Queenie regaining her freedom and running home with the spirit and freedom of a gazelle escaping from a hartebeest. She is currently trying to solve the aasvego tragedy by finding a rhyme for it.
hi im kenji at Pakistan
united States is searchng us for Osama bin Laden, and they gave India lots of Nuclear weaponry
im scared of india and osama And united States
Dear Kenji,
You don’t have to be afraid of MuseBlog. We’re Mostly Harmless. Though a few of us here find you confusing and hard to pin down. In the past two hours you’ve had
threefour aliases on the blog, starting with The Dark One, and your English has deteriorated considerably. Please stay one person for a while so we can get to know you.Your friend,
The GAPA
In case It fooled anyone, i’m “Kenji’!!!!!!
Fooled you!!! 
Oh… the administrator posted?
sorry GAPA…
Hey Y’all. guess what!
uhh…
well…
never mind, I forgot.
Hey… how did you change your blog like that GAPA?
??? this place is getting so confusing.im so glad gym is all over for me!!! w00t! my PE1 teacher was rumored to be a registered sex offender or something like that, so that was kinda creepy, and for some reason all the burnouts were put in my PE2 class the next year... mrahr.
its fun to just sppontaneously switch fontsoh BTW:Landofplasticppl Underground Press
issue 5 i believe
editor/writer/wvr: Emogrl
This morning Emogrl woke up even earlier than usual, but she was quite excited, for this was the day of choir festival! She put on her ugly polyester never-wrinkles-even-if-you-wad-it-up-+-shove-it-in-your-skoolbag choir dress, + made it to skool by 7:40; it was just in time.
At 8:15, Emogrl + the rest of the choir ppl had to walk to the college (where the judging would take place) in the freezing cold. After singing, her choir was herded outside again to a different building for sight reading (reading musik solfege- if anyone tells you its fun, dont believe them); after this they returned to skool and other than this event Emogrl's day has been a total drag.
66. Doc Martens rule. Like, everything.
Issue 1 of Penguin Press
There is a sickness inavading the skool that this reporter goes to. The simptoms are a headache and then fever and coughing. This has been determined by calling several friend to give them their homework. Others have reported the same syptoms. There are approximatly 10 people absent in my classes
ad probably more in others.
This may wreak lots of havok on the skool play. Several lead parts are missing and there is a performance in 2 or so days. The pit band
is also missing several important people like the percusionist is the lead trumpet player.
This has ABSOLUTLY NO CONECTION TO THE BIRD FLU!!!!!!!
ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!
According to the recent news on the MB, we have several newbies on the blog!!! Some of them include Whisper-Light Challenged, Kenji, and penguini. Please welcome these newbies with warm pies and choklit!!!
Attention!!! ((again))
Kenji is an alter ego!!!!
welcome newbies *glomps* *confetti*
wait thats me..
-gives all of the newbies…um…muffins- Oh wait, I’m a newbie too. Yay! -gives self a muffin-
hey, i wanna
muffin! ive only been here for... 5 weeks! haha...a choklit chip muffin will do
ill make the newbies pancakes. those are my specialty. theyre relly good when you just add water to the mix + dump it all into a small-ish frying pan... then they get all fluffy +... *daydreams, then remembers no one is stupid enough to eat something she bakes*
Today, peoples, we are talking to Em! Em is a long-time Muser and an honorary HPB. She has been on the blog for 3 months, and is now currently having trouble coming on, you’ll have to excuse her. Em actually has a Muse issue from 1998 before Bo’s page and that child-protecting thingy where peoples names were bleeped. In fact, it happens to be the issue that started the Great Pwt War, which is still going on today! (Em has no idea where she got this issue, but who cares!) Em likes Watership Down, Pwt, and HPBs. She absolutely hates Kokopelli, and has already been pied numerous times for this, so don’t bother. The number of people Em actually knows who get Muse is down to one. Em would like to welcome all newbies. Em would like to request that the Muse Contst thread be kept at the top to help all of the Musey peoples find the contest entries.
Hello Em! I would love to see that issue. It’s another thing we have to do at the Muse Convention-a pie-throwing contest, the offices could let us into the archives, and then we learn useful phrases in other languages while fressing doughnuts like nobody’s business. The event could be combined with AIDALC (Annual International Douglas Adams Lovers Convention) or something else.
i don’t think i know anyone else who gets muse…..i feel so empty? how can people survive without hpbs?
Emogirl, when you use that font it’s hard to read………
a pie-throwing contest at a musers convention? sounds superb! and we can all dress in character! conventions just wouldn’t be the same without costumes! i must find my ancient issues….
oh, dear….anything before 2002 seems to have vanished! whatever shall i do????
Penguini likes choklit. Choklit is good…
Penguini would like people to not look at #79.
(people have returned for todays rehersal. I wonder why. Most of them are not entiraly well again either. Hope they don’ give the gleep to penguini…
oh god… please people…
anyways, we should have an annual musefan convention, attended by all musers 18 and over. or, we could wait until the giant muse convention in chicago. everybody make black t-shirts that say:
PWT PWNS!!!!!
MUSEBLOGGERS UNITE!!!!!
http://www.musefanpage.com
on the front, and on the back your museblogger name, so you are identifiable. okay, so this is just wistful thinking, but i like to think that we will become such great buddies that someday we will all contrive to meet eachother. another one of my frequent daydreams involves us saving the world from something only we could save it from. and of course, we should all hitch hike down to the DC area and stalk robert. ideally rosanne too, but i think i would have to at least know what city she lives in to be sure of her adress. darn. maybe she’ll feel left out and give it to us.
Annual? Seems a bit much…
like the t-shirt idea though. it’d be cool to meet you people.
*gasp* OMG I MUST BE A STALKER! RUN AWAY! AAAAH!
I just broke Internet Safety Law #9487376! NEVER ADMIT WISHING TO MEET PEOPLE!
OH NO!
SCREAM PANIC AND HELPLESSLY RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES!!!!! AAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!
*pies all new people* Can someone make a list of all the new people? Please? I is confuzzeled..
92- I agree! With the first part, at least… Though stalking robert sounds like fun!
92- why only 18 and over?
but i could make a tshirt no problem….i have so much fabric paint that it poses a fire hazard….
hey jadestone-the who’s here section has dates of when they first posted…you could make a newbie list from that. i dunno what u consider a newbie though…a week old? a month? three days?
yah, speaking of which, ebeth, if i were a stalkr i could probably track you down. you’ve left WAY too much info about yourself all over the intrnt that can be found just by going to your blogger profil. your skool, for one. and email, and IM and blog and xanga and blogrings you’re on. all i would have to do is go to your skool and get a skool directory and interview all poples namd elizabth. elizabeth.
okay, so twice a year. whn we’re all as ancient as gapas (ok, maybe not that ancient) we can hav a giant party. like a collage reunion. probably too dangrous at this point, though. plus, nobody’s older than 16 or so.
I really don’t care. I welcome all stalkers with open arms. The ones that aren’t frightened away already i mean…
But there’s actually a suprising number of people named elizabeth in my skool…
and we could wear party hats with our muse names on them so people would know who we were.
Wait, Em, you found my xanga and you didn’t comment?!?! Not even on the talky chat thing on the side?!?!? *gasp* Shun!
lol jk.
NEWS FLASH! about ebeth’s boring life, true, but still…
Ebeth reports that she had found Andy’s talent, his true calling in life-the fish face! She says, “Almost as good as Jacob’s monkey face, but not quite.” According to various eyewitnesses, it’s hilariously funny. Some people take a slightly different view however. When Ebeth interviewed one Trotsky, all she would say was, “You guys are so weird. Now let me do my theater homework!”
Ebeth promptly laughed at trotsky because she had to stay up tonight finishing her creative project and then wake up at 8 tomorrow to turn it in. (Ebeth much prefers staying up all night thursday-that way you can sleep all through friday)
Not that we did much in class actually. We watched the basketball games. OSU won. And there was much rejoicing.
YAY! 103rd POST!!!
I have some OLD news:
IMPEACH BUSH!!!!!!!!!
MAKE LEVEES, NOT WAR!!!!!!!
SUPPORT OUR TROOPS-BRING THEM HOME!!!!!!!!!!
#103: was that the name of that one relly-old-ice mummy? if it isnt, or relly if you havent the slightest clue of what im talking about (which would mean i probably was wrong) u dont hav to post this
sry if i posted twice; my computers being a butt right now
ah yessssss… *laces fingers* the stalker inside me would love to meet u ppls…
JK!
i just think it would be nice to meet others w/ the same interests as i have! i mean, i hav some good friends, but im shockingly different from most of them…. yet they luv me anyhow… im surprised
Land of Plasticppl Underground Pressissue 6
editor/writer/wvr: Emogrl
Today was a good day, for Emogrl got to miss an entire day of skool! Instead, she and several friends went to the maritime part of the local colleges campus to participate in the regional envirothon competition- which wasnt so much a competition, but more of a learning exp type thingie + info gathering day to prepare for teams' new service projects. Emogrl spent the day learning about bio-energy, forestry, aquatic biology, and eating double choklit chip muffins. However, she was disappointed when she was shooed away from the chemistry station in the aquatic bio class (this may have had something to do w/ her yelling yes! we get to play with chemicals! ).
Emogrl is excited that her team has agreed to call themselves the T******* City Tenrecs!
Thats all there is, there is no more. Emogrl just took a 2 hour nap, and shes only tired the more.
emogrl: YEAH, Otzi is the name of a really old Ice Mummy. How a girl ended up with that name is a long and freightening story having to do with a cruel student teaching assignment, a history/english teacher turned sadistic lacrosse coach, and the unfortunate passage of a metal (ok, plastic) ruler into a computer. The rest, as they say, is history.
Did anyone know that it is impossible to eat for days after a serving of Tempura Ice Cream?
“It is by thier votes the people excercise thier sovereignity”
-Thomas Jefferson (who can also be known as hypocrite of the millenium. However, that was in the last millenium, thus leaving us free to elect another one. I vote for Dubya!)
WE SHOULD HAVE A MUSE CONVENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COME ONNN, YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Pauses, paints MUSE on forehead using purple sharpie) MUSE MUSE MUSE MUSE MUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know, the Italians would burst a couple blood vessels if the real Otzi did that.
Here is the news from Kingswinford.
The current spell of random weather which has afflicted the region since before Christmas looks set to continue. After two days of bright sunshine, followed by a protracted chill severe enough to freeze over the canals, most people are taking sensible precautions, wearing mountaineering gear over swimsuits, carrying tents, emergency rations, maximum protection sunblock, yak repellent, and water. Yesterday’s unconfirmed reports of the mating call of the common frog being heard at midnight are being treated with skepticism by frog experts, especially with gales and heavy snow in the north forecast for tonight. The National Union of Snowdrops, however, has pledged to ignore the unpredictable weather. Most clumps have emerged on schedule, with just a few unofficial groups staging a late entry protest. Union sources are confidently predicting that the daffodils will follow suit. Colourful local folk forecaster, Alf Potts, today examined a multitude of natural weather signs, from cloud patterns to the nesting habits of wrens, and was quoted as saying “Dunno.”
Paul Baker, of the controversial Tudor band “Diabolus in Musica”, today announced that he has acquired a piece of software for producing music notation. “I’m a-goin’ ter try writin’ the stuff proper, like, instead o’ makin’ it up as I goes along” he told a reporter. Whether audiences will notice any difference remains to be seen. The package in question is renowned for its user-hostile interface, and may be quickly consigned to the bin or eBay.
We apologise for a short break in transmission. This is due to matters beyond our control – chiefly the drying time of traditional glue when applied to the soundboard of a medieval ducimer. The Kingswinford News will continue eventually. When I’ve fixed it.
11:17!!!!
There’s some sort of St. Patricks day drinking party going on at Station Square. (It’s not even noon yet!) The name of my square doesn’t give away too much about my city, right? According to other news sources who wish to remain annonymous, over half of all P*********ers claim to have some Irish backround. “Riiiiiight,” scoffs local moose obsessor. “This is just those crazy cesus people.” And now: the weather. “Well, we have a unseasonable warm front coming on here,” announces a weather person who locals claim is the spitting image of the moose obsessor who appeared earlier. “I mean, I actually had my windows open the night before last! It has also been seriously windy. How windy? Um…….. Pretty darn windy! Of course it would be trash day.” There is also a report of growing instances of really stupid news stories. Not from Yesterday’s_Kinked_News ‘where the news is always weird!’ of course. Seriously, there was a story about a so-called ‘missing family’ who actually just went on vacation last friday. “Appearantly, they didn’t think to tell anyone where they were going,” said one of the reporters. The family actually appeared on television to tell about the event! Do I care about this? Is this even news?! I’ll read the paper from now on, thank you. There was another one that was really funny. They were parodying it on the radio for days. Here’s the story (or as much of it as I can post without being zapped): Some dude found a severed erm… organ in the microwave of his convenience store and, of course, was alarmed. I, watching the news, thought “Oh brother, this is the chilie-finger thing all over again,” However, it turned that it was a product used to pass a drug test dubbed ‘The Whizzinator’ and it needed to be warmed up. Is that stupid or what? And then they had a video of the convenience store people running around like crazy trying not to get caught on camera. Then the anchor-person is like “You can see this video again on our website!” Okay, it was funny the first time, but come on… And should the news really be filming people who don’t want to be filmed? I don’t think so. I wouldn’t want to be associated with the Whizzinator either.
Hi Pual. Good luck with that.
#111: hi mr cool elizabethianwriting guy!
#112: hehe!
Landofplasticppl Underground Pressissue 7 (special saturday am issue)
writer/editor/wvr: Emogrl
This morning, afternoon, rather; Emogrl is happy to feel better, after taking a 2 hour nap the previous evening and then going to bed sick a couple hours later (she believes it was simply the effect of barely sleeping at all for the last 4 days), and awakening 11.5 hours later. Once she had gotten some coffee into herself, Emogrl decided to sieze the computer while no one else was using it (a very rare occurence, this is), and see how everyone else was doing. She is now ready to begin a predictably tedious weekend doing physics homework and reading All the King's Men for Lang...thinking of this, she suddenly has a compelling urge to return to bed.
whoa! this is crazy! I live basically at the ocean in central california and it SNOWED last night! crazy!
Maybe we should trade weather, 100% C, and everything would be back to normal.
iT’S SUNNy outside!!! I never see the sun!!!!! Here comes, the sun, dudududu…. Ther it goes. So much for my tan.
you know whats crazy? the fact that its almost 60 degrees in…where i liv…right now. the snows almost all gone!
From the Computer of Mattathias “Hinkypunk”
Last Night I decided to go and fence at the CFC, home of the most estimable Dr. ***, Yoda of foil-fencing. I need to get my foil-game back in shape for States. While at the club, and learned that what my school coach has been telling me about footwork for about the past month is WRONG. Thus, for the lowlow price of an $8 floor fee, I have exponentially improved my fencing. I then proceeded to get myself whooped in epee by Joe, who taught me how to extend properly. i consider that 2 hours well spent.
you fence? Sweetness, go you! I don’t, but want to.
btw are you new? I don’t think i’ve seen you before…but then there are only like a million nowadays…lol…
Ebeth is tired. vewy vewy tired.
Ebeth’s lovely town of censoredville in oohi would have all the snow melted by now, except that it never had any snow to melt. Ebeth is very much wishing the weather were more like censoredville in migichan, or better yet, even censoredville in the up where she was born.
Aka-Ebeth wants snow and is depressed because she didn’t get any.
There’s a nice summary for you.
Ebeth is leaving now. The foul and loathsome Dishes await.
do you know what stalkers do? well, i may have that mixed up with child molesters.
Gross!
Forget the Muse movie! I say we have an entirely Imaginative movie:
(drumroll)
THE MODERATORS!!!!
(Starring Robert and Rosanne as…I don’t know….Themselves?)
And all of us in the background. Sweet.
Whats the plot?
Snow? Whats snow? The coldest it got in Rhodes this year was….. maybe we had a few days where it stayed 55 the whole day. On monday it was 80. It cooled down some now because some strom clouds rolled in and THANK THE WEATHER brought some blessed, beautiful, sweet wet rain. Ahh bask in the glory of the wetness. It wont last long, thats for sure.
Moderators Movie! Yess! Thank you Otzi!
Hmmm I can smell the Oscars already.
I’ll play myself! But how can we get Oscars if we can’t reveal our names?
Ohhhhh…… We can go and then email our acceptance speech and they’ll read it.
Yeah! We’ll be famous! But wait…How would we get together to film it?
Well, VF and I can get together to do it, but i dont see how we all can… Maybe at the next Muse convention?? Is there a Muse convention?? There shoud be…
WHERE?????
maybe a convention-planning thread should be started?
Today, March the 12th, in Texas, the small town of ________ reached a high of 87º, causing many residents to pass out from heat-stroke.
Okay, nobody that I know of has had heat stroke, but hey, what’s a little artistic lisense among friends..
Weather Report for W*******
Yesterday was worm. Today was cold. Tomarrow is not looking good either. Thank you for your time.
Friends? Where?
It was not cold!
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS A CONVENTION PLANNING THREAD
guys, im sorry, but i strongly belive that there may be the slightest chance of a possibility that a slightest bit of a microscopic percent of you could theoretically be possibly a bunch of crazy stalkers who want to kidnap/rape/murder me, so therefore i shall be unable to attend any sort of convention that is planned. plus, i have to do my hw. sorry.
Muse Convention Held: Millions show!
Yesterday, March 13, 2009, a Muse convention was held, and for the first time in ages, everybody took off work. It was a major hit, and now the GAPA of the magazine are million ers, along with the co-sponsorors, those at teh muse blog.
This is a future article, no doubt. And I’ll write it.
There will be a Muse convention soon. And I’ll be there…..
3 days ago in the town of ****** Arizona, it was 85 degrees. The next day it was 87. The next the clouds came in and it rained. Now its back down to 60 degrees.
Winter: I did a bad job of being cold and now Im leaving!
****** Arizona: Wow it seems like that rather pathectic Winter we had has gone. It’s officially Spring.
Winter: psyche!
Landofplasticppl Underground Presseditor/writer/wvr: Emogrl
issue 7
Today it was very springish(as in 48 degrees) in the town of ******** City, **. However, Emogrl was forced to waste part of the afternoon in a gymnasium w/ 1,199 other people, forced to clap repeatedly for the skool's hockey team. She believes they won states or something like that.
This morning Emogrl's choir celebrated the birthday of their choir teacher. One of the teachers presents were 2 finger puppets wrapped in several hundred yards of toilet paper; this was basicallt thrown around the room until completely unravelled. If you think that's weird, you should see some of the other things in that room-namely the duct tape covered doll hanging from the ceiling. No, Emogrl doesn't know the story behind this.
Before she resumes her homework, Emogrl would like to say this:
VOTE FOR A MUSER CONVENTION IN 2006! VOTE NOW! OH HONESTLY JUST VOTE ALREADY!
Since GAPA suggested it……
I was cast as Peter Pan!
Flying will be so much fun, but I think it’ll be hard to sing at the same time………
YES!!!!!!! for the muse convention.
143
correction theeeeee GAPA(great and powerful administrators)
I thought it stood for Great Armadillos Paint Anonomously! (jk!)
Clara (143),
Congratulations! The competition must have been fierce. And flying and singing at the same time–what an incredible role. Do you have a lot of theatrical experience?
Isn’t he a guy? Aren’t you a girl? Wil you be wearing a hat? I saw a Peter Pan play once and he wasn’t wearing the little lopsided hat he has in the book and in the movie, and it drove me crazy. Please wear a hat.
im not gonna put this in newspaper form b/c i cant be bothered w/ it right now.
today relly relly sucked! mrahr. so right when i rose @ 5:45, i had this sick feeling. then in 2nd hr, i didnt finish the speech analysis thingie we were supposed to do. the worst is 3rd hr (physics). we hav a test over circuits tomorrow-and i literally hav no idea how to do circuit problems. + i already hav a D in that class. my parents just think im an idiot, + i could cry b/c ive had straight As/Bs every single year until this year. + then in 6th (govt) hr i was in a group + we were supposed to be doing something but none of us relly knew what, + then this one girl in the group-i dont even know her-turns around to talk to her friend + starts making fun of me + another certain person-she was literally 3 feet away; i cant believe she thought i couldnt hear her. then in 7th hr i had loads of fun failing an algebra test, which probably destroyed my last ok grade in any class this semester.
yeah, life sure is good…that was fun to rant about though
Oh….poor, poor emogrl. Sounds like a hard day.
Weather Report for *******A
Today was windy, and warmish cold. We might have a blizzard tonight. This means that the swans living on our lake(who recently laid an egg or two) will not be happy. That is all.
News flash from a couple days ago!!! Some idiot in our history class forgot to take his ciggie out from behind his ear (some smoker idiots keep them behind their ears when smoking outside skool cuz they think it’s cool and that rhymed go me!) and featherstone caught him and got really mad and he got sent to the office. Haha, serves him right. Loser.
News flash from last night! Apparantly they think there’s mad cow disease again in alabama or some state beginning with an a. Maybe it was arkansas. Whichever one they have cows in anyway.
I live in ******, O**o
Oh yah and one good thing about living near these insane buckeye peoples is that we’re not gonna do anything in math or english tomorrow but watch the OSU basketball game. That’s seriously what both mine teachers said, they’re like “yeah, let’s just watch the game ok?” and we were like “heck yeah, i’m sick of regular pentagonal prisms!” or words to that effect. As for english, lamuth’s been there for a million years, she doesn’t even bother going through the whole “you deserve a break” explanatory speech.
insane…but i’m not complaining 
Be careful Jadestone! Don’t start giving away the name of our town one letter at a time! These people already know it’s W******A! Watch out!
I used to live in a town called W******A in the state of W*******N.
do you mean W*******n (7 *s), W*******n?
Would that be Wisconsin?
I’m wearing a hat with a feather and green tights…….and a shirt with leaf-looking things glued onto it
Me am listening to music and HP while eating, posting on Museblog, IMimg two of my cuosons (children of Anuts and uncles) and playing my PSP. and in a second im gonna make pancakes. What be multitasking?
157- doing more than one thing at once. Like breathing and standing at the same time. (lol just kidding on the last part)
ah. thanks.
What about breathing and sitting? Is that allowed?
lol i usually type stuff here while reading soem beek for for AP lang @ the same time…
@ my skool, theres this place we like to call the “pothole” yeah. thats what it is, you guessed it. the thing is, there are police stationed in a parking lot across from it practically every day; so its not relly a secret place. why ppl are still stupid enough to go there is beyond me
This is What Happened Todayissue 8 im guessing
editor/writer/wvr: Emogrl
Emogrl is very relieved that this day is over. First of all was her physics test, which she spent half of the night studying for. All for a 75%, however, this is good for her. She found out when her parents dragged her to conferences this evening. But then she also found out that she practically aced her film project in ap lang, which pretty much made her day, since she doesnt get relly outstanding grades anymore.
The rest of Emogrl's skool day was nothing exciting. Ah, Emogrl does not like govt class. theres a certain person who sits in front of her that turns around every day and stares at her-and when she looks at them they immediately turn around-and its really, really starting to freak Emogrl out. That would be all.
Yeah, there’s a kid in science who does that to me.
Lyra had an emotional breakdown today. She played hooky but she wishes she had a muffin. She also wishes that her friends would come to her house and give her hugs, but they can’t because they’re stuck in skool. ^_^; She really thinks that skool is evil. She wishes she could start a sentence with something other than she but her brainpower is at low ebb today.
Hence you playing hooky. Tsk, tsk. I see you’ve embraced your poison already. In the latest news: It is now time for the penguin on top of your television to explode.
Headline: LOCAL TEEN BORED IN LOCAL TEEN’S HOUSE
{my house} I, The Great Masticator, am bored.
I am typing a silly and useless Mews Nuse article and it is boring me.
Goodbye.
Hahahaha.
Well, OSU won. And there was much rejoicing. Ebeth got many dark looks and mutters because she was reading Saki instead of actually watching. People were running around the skool with their little brackets…and sydney and i had a discussion of the stupidity of betting on basketball games (She just moved too). Oh and news flash-my name at skool is now “Allo” for some unknown reason. Except in band of course.
Speaking of band devin made a shirt today with a bunch of seniors’ names on it (including trumpeters hirsch and lamar) and put “My senior gods” at the bottom. For no reason, he wasn’t even forced to. He’s such a suck-up.
It’s spring break now for me too! I’m going to Bay city in migichan (Relax GAPA, it’s actually somewhere outside the city. It’s just the nearest big(ish) city around that people might actually know the location of. I suppose u can zap it if u want though) Then i’m coming back and my cousins are coming down from TC to gloat about how much snow they got.
So yup. That’s mine life.
skool relly sux nowadays
im relly starting to think its time to freak out. today, as i was escaping from first hr, who should be in the hall but creepy stalker guy. he was like “come give me a hug, emogrl!” so i was like “right. wvr.” + kept walking. next thing i know hes right behind me, + then he grabs me. i didnt know what to say, so i just ran. yeah. i relly dont know what to do, b/c i dont want to turn this into something that will get passed around the entire skool. he rides the same morning bus as me, + i have no idea how to avoid this guy.
152,153,154-
My guess is Washington.
168- Tell someone anonymously. Chances are, if he did it to you, he’ll do it to other people. It would be better by far to tell someone. Oh, and by the why, how is Rebekah doing? It’s been a while sence she started getting better. How is she?
i told 2 ppl, + they both volunteered to kick his *** if he ever did it again, but i think that should be a last resort
Emogirl– the simplest way to get out of a grab like that is to jump into a deep stance, elbow him in the stomach, stomp his foot, then turn around and kick and/or punch him. If that ever happens again, you might want to scream as well. It almost always works. And if you hurt him, he’ll probably back off.
I love kung-fu at times like that.
ha. arent there these two pressure points near ones wrists, and if you jab them hard enough, it causes the person to lose their balance + fall over? this karate guy showed something like that to my class in 7th grade…problem is i forgot how he did it
There are pressure points all over the body. Some of the best are on the lower arms, the sides and back of the neck, and between ribs. But you have to know exactly where they are and push in the right place, and I can’t exactly show you that.
Hey, Emo, that sort of thing is my specialty! Here ya go:
1) if he grabs you wrists, turn them so the edge of your hand is facing his thumb, and pull. The thumb is the weakest part, and his grip will break.
2) pain points. If you have nails, dig ’em into the skin below the base of the guy’s fingernail, the skin web between his thumb and forefinger, or the inside of his upper arm.
3) if you need to hit, flatten out your hand and hit with the outside edge of your WRIST. NOT your fingers. But be careful, that sort of blow can break bones! Use it gently!
4) Kicking is a good defence for a girl. If you are grabbed from behind, here is how to kill his instep: You look at the area connecting his foot and ankle. You MUST keep your eyes on it. Then you raise your kicking foot to knee level, and step down HARD with the outside edge of your foot.
5) if you are facing him, hold up your hand so the palm is in front and the fingers back, then drive the base of your palm into his nose. Another warning: only use this if you are really in trouble, because you could break his nose.
6) uppercut to the chin. Classic.
7) Hair pulling can be useful.
8) Make use of your knees and elbows.
Gotta go!
Oh yeah. Those were all grapple tricks, i.e. to get out of a grapple. Once you are out, you RUN. If he has you backed into a corner or summat and you can’t get away, you should use simple karate to keep him from grappling you again. As Violetfire said, boys lose confidence when they get hurt, especially by a girl. So get into a cat stance (my personal favorite), which is your stronger leg in front of your weaker leg, knees of both bent. The front leg is pointing at the guy, the back leg is about two feet behind the other and at a right angle to it (pointing sideways). Reach your weaker hand forward toward the guy (don’t let him grab your hand) and have the stronger hand at your hip, in a fist with your thumb tight over your fingers and your palm up. Then pull the weaker hand back, and swing the fisted hand forward at the same time, turning the palm side down right before impact. Aim for the stomach with that punch. A good follow up move is the side kick: you lift your kicking leg up to knee height and then kick out, striking with the outside edge. This kick can be aimed anywhere from knee (I don’t advis it, you could break his kneecap) to chin, depending on how high you can kick. As soon as you hit draw the leg back to knee level, then lower it to the ground in the cat stance again. Be very, VERY fast, or else he might grab your foot, in which case he can throw you, and that would be VERY bad. Head butting is also useful. And the first cahnce you have, RUN.
Hope you found that useful! No, Phoenix does not take any form of martial arts. Yes, she has had to use this before. Yes, it was on a creepy guy. No, he was not a stalker, just a jerk who was trying to stab Phoenix through the heart with a pencil. Yes, she did win. Good luck, Emogrl!
175- if you do number 5 hard enough, you can shove the nose bones into the brain and kill the person. use only in extreme desperation!
my father just commandeered my SA’s. i think i shall perish. especially because i explicitly stated that he was not to enter my room to obtain them. i think i shall…eh…borrow his laptop…..muhahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yeah, about #5: what frankenfaerie said. Only use it if you are, like, being murdered or summat.
wow, thanx for all the ideas! if he ever does it again, ill probably try the arm twisting thingie
H’m… I just realized that ‘Muse News’ is what they used to call Bo’s page without a fake fact.
hola! im in spanish right now. this is boring…
guess were supposed to be researching for this project, but i finished all my research this weekend…
…
wow, i am so bored…
havent seen that creep yet today, so thats good…
mrahr.
my friend did this impression of a drunk guy today+ it was hilarious…
…i used to be able to do a flawless impression of stitch (lilo + stitch), but now i cant.
you know what? im gonna go now.
like right now
im serious
relly
bye
adios
bye
jw, I probably sound really stupid, but how were you on museblog in spanish class………………..?
Hahahaha
a musepaper……I just read that,
i despise spanish class. especially because my teacher refers to me as “señorita olivia newton-john.” no, that is not my actual last name, so please do not zap it.
speaking of zap, tomorrow is lab day! and we’re going to prove charles’s law! yay, charles! (“ZAP!” is the name of a cleaning product used on lab tables after we complete experiments) i ♥ chem.
oh, i remember chem last year. interesting memories…like when this person dropped some chemical mixture + it burned a hole in the tile floor…ha
I love the cat stance myself. I love cats.
You must have a different cat stance than me. For me, your feet are almost touching. A cat stance, for all of you, is when you make a kind of a T with your feet. The top of it should be vertical to you, and the I line should extend towards your enemy. Put 90% of your weight on the back foot, and 10% on the front one, which should be with only the ball of your foot touching the ground. Great for kicking.
Also, if he grabs you from the front, like with his hand on your shoulder, grab his wrist. Put your thumb on the base of the back of his hand. Then, turn his arm away from you, so that your thumb points down. Push. This is a wrist lock. I use it a lot. It really hurts.
gapa- should the 7th, 8th, and 9th words of comment 186 be replaced by hpbs?
No, that’s only in the magazine. Here on the blog, the bunnies serve a different purpose. (We haven’t figured out what it is yet, but it’s different.)
cool.
yeah, i’m blogging from school…
It was very windy today. Papers blowing everywhere.
How do you people blog from school?!?!?!
191- go on your school’s computers and go to the blog. during computer classes or in study halls……bess doesn’t block it!
yeah my skool is rumored to hav this big scary firewall for their comps, but i can blog there w/ no trouble @ all. ha.
*laughs in skools face*
And if you couldn’t, there’s always this thing calld a proxy. It’s like [link snipped. –Admin.], and then you type in the museblog website, and then you can get to it. That is, if your school does block it. I don'[t know why they would. But my school just seems to be like that.
March 22, 2006- In a small New Jersey private school, World War III is breaking out. All sane (and insane as well, unless they have a death wish) MuseBloggers are advised to stay far away from the area (which is of course unspecified), lest they be struck by lethal waves of Enmity, Arguments, and General Teenage Drama (a horrible fate). Lyra, a slave of said school, comments on the situation: “I’m really scared. I’ve taken to bringing buckets of cold water to school, because the Two Opposing Sides happen to be friends of mine, and if I get in the middle I might be vaporized. I keep my cell phone with me whenever I can, in case I have to call S.W.A.T. or Homeland Security.” Residents of the area are advised to keep all small, furry, and/or delicate animals inside the house.
…
I DID write it in newspaper form, even if it is a bunch of whining. ^_^
Attention!!!! IMPORTANT
Kricket’s school is having it’s annual dance on FRIDAY. Thank you that is… Oh no wait!!! I’ve just recieved an update!!! Kricket does not have a date!!!! oh my gosh how could this be!!! And the amazing thing is, she doesn’t really care!!!! How could this happen!!!
Kricket- “Boyfriends and dates are overrated. There’s no point in getting one.”
And that is all.
Update!
Kricket- “At least, boyfriends are overrated until high school. But not in high school. Not yet.”
psh. boyfriends are also overrated in high school.
195- some of my friends from my olde school do that. every other month. it’s really trying, but just hang in there and (10 be nice to everyone on bothe sides, and (2) don’t say mean things about either side!!!!! because when they make up (they will…eventually) they may start another fight with you!!
teenage drama!!! beware!!!!
I hate adolescant males, as a species. I hate adolescents, as a species, but mostly males. The nicest boy can go adolescant in a second, this happed to one of my best friends. It’s scaaaaaaarrry.
the bunnies are there to eat unresponsive GAPA.
Haha, kinda funny but scary:
Today, at around 1:00 (EST) there was a man in camoflage on the roof of a building with a telescope gun. Everyone thought he was a sniper, so all the streets were shut down, etc. False alarm , though. It was a pellet gun and he was just a maintenence worker trying to shoot or scare away pigeons or something……
april 5 is arbour day. why is it not on the countdown? trees are quite important to our ecosystem. *hugs tree*
randomly appearing people: treehugger…..
me: which is why the internet is so great! look, ma–no paper!
mrahr to teen drama. whats relly annoying are the ppl who create drama just b/c their bored.
EYP: u live in new jersey? eee! *is envious * you live in the same state as… ♥ ♥ ♥ *is scarily obsessed fangirl*
I’m a treehugger! So is anyone who hugs me…
hahahaha *bad joke police run in and subdue Phoenix with clubs*
clubs?!? aaaah! dead trees!!! *hugs clubs*
I’m a treehugger. A proud treehugger. I recycle everything and I have a solar-powered calculator and whatnot. *hugs Phoenix*
w00t! enviro freaks unite! solar powered flashlights and everything else!
*hugs Phoenix* yeah for treehuggers!!! Phoenix, if this keeps up, you’re going to be surrounded by fellow treehuggers all hugging you. and the trees. i’d hate to be in the middle of that group hug!!! i’d be squished!!! lol
I’ve been trying to get my parents to bet a solar powered system for our entire house. Yes, there is enough sunlight in Arizona. Maybe too much.
I’m a treehugger too….I started the service committee at my school and we just started to recycle a bunch of stuff that we didn’t before *go me*!!!!!
yay! we should have the convention in the amazon and hug the trees so that they won’t be cut down.
the rate deforestation is phenominal.
oops, there goes another species.
212- yeah!!! *pulls frankenfaerie and malignant mandolin into group hug*
AMAZING SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY
Just yesterday, in somewheresville New York the scientst MR. railgibtaf with the help of his assistants, MR. duarf and Mss. ekaf, have constructed a large machine witch they claim can turn anything into a grape. an object is dropped into a large storage bin, the lid is closed, and then comes out of a small dispenser in the shape of a perfectly normal grape! they have demonstrated this with everything from a rock, to a diamond ring. this same team has also invented several other things, such as the alien spotter, the elvis reincarnation detector, and a amazing cloth which can only be seen by those who are fit for there jobs.
*strolls into thread*
wha..eek! claustrophobic, claustrophobic!
trees rule *makes like a tree + leafs*
sry, i hav a relly bad sense of humour
And by those who are not simpletons.
YAY!!
*Treehuggers*!!
214- ok. that’s just creepy. but a goode way to take someone’s diamond ring….replaging it with a grape. genius!
**replacing
chorus concert now….bye?
BYE!!!!
yay. concert over. and i managed to turn pages without dropping the musicks! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! *par-tay*
i’ll be back!!!
#222 – Congratulations!!!!!
A really funny story
(I didn’t write it)
A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things.
Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost “in a series of small fires.” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued….and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated
nevertheless, that the Lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the “fires.” NOW FOR THE BEST PART…
After the lawyer cashed the check, the Insurance Company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own Insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was
sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.
This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
ONLY IN AMERICA!
HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yes… ONLY IN AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol, that was funny.
Whoa. How stupid can people get?
224- thanks!!!! yay! have some virtual choklit
â–’â–’â–’â–’â–’â–’â–’â–’
â–’â–’choklitâ–’â–’
â–’â–’â–’â–’â–’â–’â–’â–’
ha! that is hilarious! ppl these days…
I thought it was pretty funny too
*eating virtual choklit*
True Story!
A woman puts her stuff on one of those conveyer belts in Walmart. The woman puts a divider thingy inbetween her stuff and the person behind her’s stuff. The person at the cash register, rings up the lady’s stuff and then picks up the divider and asks, “Are you getting this?” The woman said, “Uhhhh… No…” and picks up her stuff and leaves.
How dumb can you get!!!
i’ve heard the story about the cigars so many times, and it’s still funny.
well, humans, after all, are only the third-most-intelligent creatures of the earth. and i think wal-mart workers classify as only a sub-species.
and why is it “humans”? why not “humen” in the plural. or better yet, “huwoman” and “huwomen.” i like that much better. and why does the word “woman” have “man” in it? (please, don’t recite the story about adam’s rib to me). i think i shall use the term “people” from now on. “homo sapiens” is also rather sexist. grr.
actually, the adam’s rib story reminds me of a very funny, very sexist joke.
What did God say after he created man?
-“I can do better.”
i also found a bumpersticker on CafePress that read, “EVE WAS FRAMED.”
‘t was great.
how bout womon
that’s nice to know. SARCASIM!!!!!! BEWARE!
womon. cool word. it sounds like someone with a jamacian accent saying “woah, mon!” sweetness.
ooh… I have another very funny, very sexist joke..
A man asked a genie to make him a million times smarter than any man. The genie turned him into a womon.
238- very funny!!!
excellent.
Yay!
*sends Otzi virtual choklit*
TELL PARENTS
By Cedar
Robert Coontz, posted a message on the ‘Muse convention’ thread, stating that if there were ever to be hope of holding a Muse convention, kids would have to get their parents involved. So let’s get them involved.
Robert said that the convention might take place in Washington, so be sure to tell your parents where they’re going to have to fly to.
Ask your parents on an upcoming sunday, if they wouldn’t mind sending an e-mail to the magazine, saying that they support the idea of a Muse convention in washington.
They’ll need to give some sort of proof that they are over eighteen, but I’ll leave that up to them.
So let’s get moving people. Get your folks involved, and maybe, just maybe, we could have a chance at this.
See ya.
No, I said I could imagine someone’s organizing a SMALL Muse PICNIC for Musers who ALREADY live near Washington. But yes, parents would definitely have to be involved in any physical gathering of Musers.
OMG THE MUSE CONVENTION SHOULD BE IN CHICAGO AND WE COULD ALL GO WATCH SPAMALOT!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!
That should be on the convention thread shouldn’t it? Oh well. I’m lazy.
Washington, or Washington D.C. Pleeeeeeeeeeeease D.C. Washington the state is halfway across the world from me!!! plus, it isn’t really a central location
A man called 411 to look up the buissness numberfor 1-800-Flowers
In a related story, spring is here, and you better go hide in your house before the birds skate out their mating territories (You only know why this is funny if you study birds of the crow family. You don’t wanna know how they get towards humans during breeding season…..)
oooo small picknicky convention…*goes to convention thread*
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It has been reported that several radical muse fans have been begging for a muse convention, in the words of one person virtually picketing the museblog: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS A CONVENTION PLANNING THREAD and another homo sapien stated: OMG THE MUSE CONVENTION SHOULD BE IN CHICAGO AND WE COULD ALL GO WATCH SPAMALOT!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!
these slightly crazy people have been parading about the museblog for some time now, some passing out vitual candy.
umm… want some choklit? *passes out choklit and sings/hums marching songs*
i’m sure you’ve seen the news about the illegal immigrants. non-citizens demanding citizens’ rights….where is the logic in that? i was reading an editorial about that today, and i shall paraphrase it in a line or so:
their arguement would more convincing if they immigrated legally, or if, at least, they asked for rights in english whilst waving the american flag.
does the US actually have an official language? i’m not sure…
i think they should go through the whole citizenship process, not just be granted amnesty. it would be so horrible if they were unfair to the legal immigrants.
RAISE AWARENESS FOR MUSE- INVOLVE THE POLITICIANS
By Cedar
As many of you are doubtless aware, Musers have been trying to raise interest in the greatest magazine since I don’t know what.
They have suggested shirts, towels, and many other attention grabbing things. But it has recently come to my attention, that the best way to raise interest in this most wonderful of magazines, is to involve political figures.
Muse will have a lot more magazines to print and send out, if someone from a higher political office promotes the magazine.
Musers can help, by sending letters to the Mayor of their city, the Govener of their state, or if they must, the President of the United States.
The best way to go about it:
1. Order about three backissues from http://www.muse.com
2. Once they get to your house, write out a well phrased promotion letter, and put it in a pacake along with the three back issues.
3. Send it to a Mayor, Govener, Or the President.
The more kids do this, the more copies of the magazine will pour into Goverment offices across the nation. If people hear one of the big people saying good things about Muse, they will be more likely to think about getting a subscription for their child.
And who knows? Maybe if we’re lucky, someday in the future, we’ll here someone on CNN, or NBC, or something, talking about the sudden shipment of dozens of copies of Muse magazine, to politicians across the USA.
Not to meantion, it would be fun.
What do you think?
Ceader, thats not going to work with conservative republicans. Matter of fact, even libreal republicans or democrats will think we’re nuts.
The thing: We have to promote Muse without
A. People thinking we’re crazed idiots
B. People thinbking we’re advertising a book on the greek muses, whihc has happened when i bring my magazine places with me.
Sorry I keep on saying “They’ll think wer’e crazed/nuts/we will annoy them”, its just that I’m very uptight and paranoid…..
I think it’s great that you all want to promote the magazine. Of course you want to be smart about it–you’re smart people.
I have some ideas about this. There isn’t time to describe them in detail tonight, so I’ll just toss out a couple of quick thoughts:
– Word of mouth is the best recommendation. Think how it works with music. Even the most expensive advertising campaign might not tempt you to buy music by a group you’d never heard of. But someone you knew and trusted said “I think you’d like this,” you probably would–especially if your friend lent you a copy to listen to first.
– Kids are the main people who read Muse, but parents and (especially) grandparents are the ones who buy it.
– If you’re looking for someone who definitely won’t think you’re crazy for wanting the whole world to read Muse, why not try the publishing company? It’s their magazine, after all. Send them your ideas for making Muse better known. Volunteer to help promote it. You can write to or use the form on their website. They may be, well, bemused, but I guarantee that they’ll be polite about it.
– I happen to know that the magazine has extra stickers (both the hpb kind and the ones that say “Kokopelli for President in 2008”) left over from the Bunny Wars contest. I’m sure they’ll let you have some if you send them a self-addressed, stamped envelope. You won’t need any help finding ways to make good use of them.
OK, that’s a start. More later.
And, of course, me and Shanto’s strategy. It’s all in the window paints!
HPB stickers? People will be fascinated by those. Of course, the Dog/Cat wars are pretty much over, so the HPBS show up only occationally. Still, when thwey do show up, I ♥ them *Pets a HPB*
Here’s a weird bit of news that I heard on the radio today. The story of a stupid victim/criminal: This guy gets his house robbed so he naturally calls the cops over to investigate. The cops head on over and start checking things out. They are involved in this task when they detect the scent of marajuana (that’s a hard word to spell, okay?). They follow the odor into the basement and it turns out the guy had 42 pots of pot growing down there. Talk about stupid. I’m sure he was just making oodles of money, so why would he rock the boat by inviting the police over? Serves him right, though. The pink bunny stickers are probably a good way to advertise. People will go to any ol’ web address just becuase they can. So you stick the HPB stickers in public places, people see them and come on to the fan page. They are totally confused by all the in-jokes, but start poking around and realize that they are on a website for the froodiest mag on earth. Maybe. Or maybe they’ll just see the stickers and think ‘what a bunch of trash!’ It’s worth a shot.
255- MORE STICKERS?!? *begins to write letter*
Gapa said we would get a pink-bunny bonus if we wrote in newspaper style, so, here it goes…….oh, ignore the stars!
Muse is Cool *******************Peter Pan
Muse is a really*****************Here is another
cool magazine.*****************article. Peter
It is really fun********************Pan is a really
to read and I*********************good show. It
like it a lot.************************is really cool.
Muse is an************************My school is
interesting************************doing Peter Pan
magazine,************************as its musical this
nomatter *************************year. It is really
what the**************************fun! Flying is
“Midwest**************************the best part.
Educator†has *******************ok, this is really
to say about it.*******************hard (writing in
************************************newspaper style!
I hope this comes out ok…
I guess it came out ok….better than I thought is was.
BTW, you should read it in columns.
Does anybody like it????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
a bit freaky, but still very froody.
YAY!!! I was VERY time consuming…
IT WAS COOL.
Ahh sorry Caps lock.
OMG!! I was just thinking “I haven’t seen Jadestone in a while” and then I came to this thread and I was proven wrong!!…cool
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
One of America’s Greatest Newspapers
50 cents Tuesday, April 18, 2006 Vol. 79, No. 258 4/18/06
WANTED, TIGER TRAINER! Needs to know how to train and obtain control over Bengal Tigers. Position also requires knowledge of sailing – we travel by sea and require a full crew to sail the boat. We will be beginning our summer tour in June. Please contact the Pondicherry Circus at (123) 456 – 7890.
Pondicherry Circus – I would much like to accept your job of a Tiger Trainer. I feel very comfortable with tigers. After spending 227 days lost at sea with a Bengal Tiger, I consider myself an expert on Tigers and sailing! Also, if you need any assistance of steering the boat out of shark-infested waters, I can help witht that as well. Please contact me (Pi Patel) at (456) 789 – 1234.
hmm….I used to have another article, but it went away..oh well, anyway, here’s a wanted ad and a response about the book, “Life of Pi” Happy, GAPA?
269- nice…
whoops…now everybody knows where I live…oh well..It’s a big city
May 1
WARNING:
Today begins May. Spring fever is out and about, and many schools are nearing final exams. What does this mean? Well, this fever is escalating, and causing the skin of many young girls to turn curiously orange. They seem to be blind to this strange hue, though others who have not yet caught this mysterious virus can plainly see that their skin pigments have become rather splotchy. Even their hair seems to be turining blonder in reaction to this unearthly change. Long term effects include hair thinning and melanoma.
You forgot to mewntion the body feeling like you have an electric jolt, SM
Of course!
May 1
Unrest in schools elevates as the end grows nearer.
Students have taken to slacking off, and loosing interest in assignments halfway thr
hey whats up people?? nice talking to ya
Hey, zack G.,
Welcome to MuseBlog. Unless you’ve been here before and I’ve simply forgotten. In that case, hi again.
Will GAPAs Start ‘Muse Movie? Part Two’ Thread for Muser’s Script Ideas?
By Cedar
For the last couple of days, I have been supporting the idea for a second Muse Movie thread, which will be used soley for the purpose of submiting script ideas. Musers with non script ideas should head to the original ‘Muse Movie?’ thread, and post there.
If you have an idea for a scene, or would like to post your own script sample, please submit it on ‘Muse Movie? Part Two.’
I hope the GAPAs will put this thread on the homepage, so we can all take a look at each other’s great ideas.
Pretty please GAPAs.
Thank you.