Friday, 19 April 2024
Life, the universe, pies, hot-pink bunnies, world domination, and everything
Description: A general store serving the Academy, MuseBlog, and the greater Musipolitan area.
Location: The village of New Reykjavik, Hyperborea, off the coast of Iceland; with interdimensional connections to the Oasis.
Inventory: Transfinite. Inconceivable. “If we don’t have it, you don’t need it. Trust us. You really don’t.”
Date: July 8, 2010
Categories: Muse Academy, The Musiverse
Thank you oh great GAPA(s).
Welcome to the store please come in and have a look at my merchandise.
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We have Pink Bunny Repelent, Exploding Pies, anything to help out in an RPG thread, and anything else you would ever need on MB.
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Do you sell thread reviving bullhorns?
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Likewise clothes, school supplies, and everything imaginable for the care, feeding, and amusement of your wung.
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Wung supplies are in the back by the Stuffed Muses. You can order a Wung in our catalouge.
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SFTDP: Rebbeca: I have a great idea for the picture on the thread, but I don’t know how to make it. It would have the MB academy symbol with a few Muses around it randomly on the sign. Then just emporium written in fancy letters. (calm down mas0n no posting till someone else posts on this thread)
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Oh. Hiking boots. And general camping supplies. Preferably with access to hammerspace so I don’t have to choose what to bring. Yes, I am planning something…I just have to figure out what.
Do you sell anti-HPB protection gear?
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Here are your anti-HPB hiking boots. That auto-pie launchers built in to protect you from pink bunnies. Heres matches, axe, tent, sleeping bag, food supplies(provided by H&H Tea Shop), and anti-HPB spray. That will be 50 pies.
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*winces at the price* Here you go. 
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*wipes whip cream of of face* Thank you. Have a nice day.
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Would you happen to have depigmentizer darts in stock?
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Of course. That will be 2 pies.
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Thanks!
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No problem.
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What are wungs,and how much are they?
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You really can’t buy or even order them. Possibly they order you. They’re agreeable but mysterious. As for what they are, MBers have many conflicting theories about that.
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What are wungs? Well, I think that what aren’t wungs is a better place to start of with.
What wungs aren’t:
Beings whose size, shape, and color can be agreed upon.
Boring
Unintelligent
Dangerous (usually)
Edible
Vegetables
Minerals
3- dimensional (They’re a bit like mice in that respect)
Monotoned
Something you can buy.
This place is for buying things for your wung. A wung has to be found on en’s own, whether in your virtual garden, by your computer, or at the H&H.
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To get one you will need to come to the back into the Wung Room. It is full of Wungs if one picks you you can buy it for 8 pies.
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I mean 8 pies for a “Finders Fee”. He he.
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Could I possibly buy wung locating goggles? Nimly seems to have wandered off into the virtual mists.
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We have a Wung Locater hand help system, but we only have a few pairs of goggles to use ourselves to catch them. (We also sell Wung catching nets)
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Careful, mas0n, we’re licensing the emporium on the understanding that you’re running a respectable establishment. No one involved with Muse Academy catches, sells, or otherwise controls wungs. They are completely free souls.
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There not really catching nets they choose whether to come into the net or not. It comes with a luxury suite built into the net.
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Could I have a Wung Locater hand held system? How much are they?
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Sure that will be 10 pies.Batteries included.
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I suppose people are entitled to spend their money (or their pies) however they please. But really: wung locaters? Wung goggles? If a wung wants you to see it, you’ll see it. If it doesn’t, you won’t. It’s as simple as that. Bill Gates doesn’t have enough money to make one visible (and he’s probably smart enough to know that).
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Ok. I just guess he’s found a new home.
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I think it’s unlikely that he’s gone forever. Once wungs intersect a person’s world line, they seem to keep coming back. Maybe he has an important mission somewhere. We know so little about them.
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Perhaps he’s out seeking the answer (or question) to life, the universe, and everything.
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Quite possibly.
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Oh well the locater was a GPS with a picture of a wung on it.
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Except you can’t have a picture of a wung. A photograph even changes for whomever took it. If you and I took a picture at the same time of the same wung, they’d look completely different.
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I see.
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Would it be possible for me to get a few hours in this shop? There are… things happening at Muse Academy. Well, four things. Well, four things, and a lizard.
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Blink reference. ♥
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Of course stay as long as you want to.
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No, I mean I want to buy hours to take and use elsewhere. I want to buy some time.
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You can use our time machine. It’s 5 pies per use.
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Ok. *sets time travelled back to 8 hours ago* 
*turns time machine on*
Ok, now I just need to find that lizard…
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Do you have some flour, eggs, cherries,peaches, baking soda, milk, a rolling pin, some sugar, 5 bowls, and an oven? How much would it cost? Also, how about a dozen ruber bands, some plywood, a glue gun, a saw, 35 nails, a hammer, and a skate board?
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Of course. That will be 90 pies.
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Something tells me your building something, and are going to make a cake.
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I thought it was a pie catapult.
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Oh very nice. What kind of pie.
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Cherry and peach? That’s what she asked for.
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Oh should have reread post.
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Cherry, peach, and raspberry.(I already have the raspberries.) Moving pie launcher, here we come!!!
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Here…
90!!!!… what does the word “arrow” mean again?
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I think it was origanaly(sorry for spelling I can’t think straight) pictures of arrows instead of pies.
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That’s right.
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Any chance I can purchase a wish-granting machine?
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We do not sell the whole machines, but you can purchase individual wishes for 2 pies a wish.
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One brother for sale!
One brother for sale!
One crying and spying old brother for sale!
I’m really not kidding,
So who’ll start the bidding?
Do I hear a dollar?
A nickle?
A penny?
Oh, isn’t there, isn’t there, isn’t there any
one kid who will buy this old brother for sale,
This crying and spying old brother for sale?
(-Lovingly ripped off from Shel Silverstein, and tweaked to suit my own purposes.)
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Psst.. This isn’t an auction, but I might buy some useful items. I see no need for this said older brother in my shop (provided be GAPAs *theme song plays*)
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Do you have any gecko gloves, perchance?
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We have gecko style gloves, anti-gecko gloves, and glove-shaped geckos.
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Glove… shaped… geckos…
Um, I meant gloves that let you climb on the walls like a gecko, although that might have been what you meant by “gecko style” gloves.
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We have Spider Gloves which you you can climb basicly anything with. Those cost 4 pies.
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SFTDP: Sorry for the double you.
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Okay, that’s good. I’ll take a pair!
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Do you have an automated pie baking and throwing machine?
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We have an automated pie baking machine,automated pie throwing machine, and duct tape.
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Is there any sort of thing that can connect the two machines (like some sort of chute)?
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Of course we have tubes, chutes, and wires in any shape or size.
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I’ll take the machines, some duct tape, and a chute to connect them. (And maybe an extension cord.)
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Of course that will be 40 pies.
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I think I’ll take two of each 
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Robert and Rebecca: (Yeah! I spelled her name right) Since new threads are being posted continuesly(sorry for spelling), I was kind of wondering if this can always stay under the H&H Tea Shop. I’m not saying it needs to be yet, but if it goes of the main page it will lose service.(which it will probably not usually be as much as yesterday anyways)
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I have decided to bring back Drakon. Therefore, I would like to purchase some wung entertainment items, such as wung toys may I have some, please?
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Of course here’s our finest wung toy. Would you like some wung treats.
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I would! MInt, Please don’t bite mas0n.
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Yes thank you, I would. What is the total pies I owe you?
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15 pies total.
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Wungs look to everyone how everyone individually expects them to look. All machinery sees a wung differently, if they see them at all.
Of course, mine looks like a tiny kitten with rabbit ears and bunny tail, and color-changing eyes. I received her as a gift under the Gifting Tree a few holiday years ago, and am quite fond of her. Ah, sweet little Kismet…
Hey, bartender, shoptender-I’d like the answer to life, the universe, and everything. In outfit form. /rummages through her wallet
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Ok one subscription to Muse Magizine. Thats 15 pies.
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Not helping, kiddo.
I mean, the other answer.
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I would like something that is awesome, not edible, and cute. And a pack of debunnify rays.
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One muse plush doll and a pack of debunnydying rays. That will be 20 pies.
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Dude, It’s a recession! Fine.
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I would like to be omnipotent. How much will that cost?
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Does it really matter? Once you get your omnipotence you can pay him however much he wants.
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Alright then. Once he comes I will pay him precisely one pie.
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How much he wants, not how much you want….
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No 20 pies, or I call the GAPA police.
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Oops nevermind thought it was someone else. Nevermind we don’t sell things like that.
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I don’t think the Emporium sells abstractions — just concrete things. Try to keep your requests tangible, please.
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Darn.
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That’s just laziness talking. It would be too easy if a store could grant all your wishes in the blink of an eye (or a pie). Even in the Oasis, things don’t work like that.
Instead, you have to figure out a plan for making your own wishes come true, and a list of items you’ll need to put the plan into effect. Then you go shopping.
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May I have a pie-making kit and a wung house, please?
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Sure, that will be 15 pies.
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(Sorry for late payment!!!)
I wonder whether Awpie will choose to live in the house. Do you think wungs require a USB connector to enter virtuality?
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Of course they don’t.
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See, for omnipotence, I’d say you require about fifty average schoolchildren, the same number of up-to-date personal computers, a shipment of assorted components from the Monoceros Ring trading consortium, five hundred servings of mind-enhancing French fries (sorry, “chips”), and Anthony Stewart Head.
On the downside, this is obviously prohibitively expensive (not least Mr. Head’s salary) and involves slavery. So until we come up with a different route, I’ll be staying right at this comfortable level of -potence.
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Could you not just use an Infinite Improbability Drive?
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They’re far too unpredictable. Use the Heart of Gold to try to become all powerful and you’d end up five million years in the past with your mouth sealed shut and hard-boiled eggs for hands. (naming one of the many, many possibilities here)
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I would like a thread reviver. Is that possible to obtain?
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I would like a bakers dozen.
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I would like a H&H gift card.
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Books. I need books.
If you would be so kind, Mas-Zero-N, please quote me the price for Trans-Neptunian Space by Carl Sagan’s Ghost… Storms by Jasper Barkworthy… and every book on theoretical marine biology published after 1973.
Also, do you have any Igors on your staff, and if so, how much would their expert consultation cost me for say, one week?
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I cracked up at “Theoretical Marine Biology”.
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It’s extremely important… *twitch*
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I need… a potter’s wheel. And Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There, by Lewis Carroll. How much does that cost?
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Also, a functioning Thiotimoline Drive in the 50-terawatt range, if you please.
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Where is mas0n?! I want my thread reviver!
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Here is your thred revier, that’ll be 20 pies. It comes with batteries.
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Ahem. You’re the second job stealer? Beetles, that will be *counts on abacus* 20 pies, if I’ve converted correctly. I’ll just pretend you paid them to me. Thank you! Have a superfantasticultraterrificmegaawesome day!
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LBK, you don’t have to be the only cashier, you know.
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Nyah, but it’s MINE!!
*takes sanity pill* I know, I know. Sorry, I’m CDO. It’s like OCD, only all the letters are in alphabetical order, like they should be.
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Could I buy an Alewife please? I wish to ward off some baritone zombies.
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Could I get one too, as well as some swing music and a copy of Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen? Oh, and some portable speakers that I can play it all from. Thanks!
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Do you have anything small that can dry wet clothing very quickly without the clothing being taken off that fits in a backpack?
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Battery-operated hair dryer?
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…Mas0n?
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Mr. MasZeroN hasn’t been around for a week, apparently. I’ll just help myself to the books and leave the money on the counter.
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As for the Igor, I suppose I will have to hire one elsewhere.
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Does Mas0n perhaps require an assistant to run the shop while he isn’t?
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That seems reasonable.
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I’d be willing to try, I suppose, at least temporarily. If someone else wants the position, they should feel free to take it. (From me, not from mas0n.)
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Sudo, do you have any Pterosaur food?
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Um, could I take a position a little bit later, Sudo?
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Several MBers could staff the Emporium. Judging by the traffic patterns around here, I’d say it’s unlikely that more than one of you would be around when a customer arrived.
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I could also staff…maybe I would be the perky cashier? ^.^
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Can you operate an abacus?
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I could be one of the people that helps people find things.
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Or we could all do whatever job currently needs doing. If it seems no-one else is online who works at the store, take over the whole thing. If it seems like someone else is but they missed someone who needed help, help that person. If you give yourself a specific job you might feel limited to that job, which might result in a person having an item, but not being able to take it out of the store.
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I think so. It’s one of those wooden-bead things, right? Yeah, I’ll be fine. 
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LBK- probably. What exactly do they eat?
Robert- that makes sense.
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Fish and insects, I believe.
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Certainly. The aquarium and terrarium are in the back. Take your pick and I’ll ring them up.
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Okay, thank you. *goes and picks 10 1lb marlins and 10 lbs of various insects*
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KaiYves- I’m sure there’s something… some kind of hot blow-drier? Anyway, we’ve got to have something somewhere.
Silver Leopard- Here you go. I won’t charge you pies because they kinda spam the RC bar. Have a nice day!
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*Finds blow-drier compact enough to fit in my backpack*
“Thanks! How much, Sudo?”
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LBK doesn’t seem to be here, so I’ll work the abacus. That’ll be 15 pies, but please, I’ll just assume you gave them to me. I’d prefer not to have the emporium spamming the RC thread. You have a nice day now!
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Rawr! I’m here! I’m here! *snatches abacus and pets it* Thank you, Kai! Have a superfantasticultraterrificmegaawesome day!
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Thank you both!
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Don’t forget that all of the store’s financial records are expressed in Musean hypernumbers (en. wikipedia . org/wiki/Musean_hypernumber).
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*gulp* I’ll…I’ll try.
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Okay, I think I’ll start working here. Does anyone need any assistance?
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The Emporium is Inter-Timeline Agency sanctioned to sell “Impossible” books and documentaries from worlds where history went differently, yes?
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Certainly. They’re back in the freezer, though. (The rift in the time-space continuum makes the whole room cold anyway, and why let it go to waste?)
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Great!
*Runs into the freezer and starts browsing*
“Hmmm… Amelia Earhart’s ticker-tape parade after her successful global circumnavigation… postcards from the SECOND voyage of the Titanic… ‘A Visitor’s Guide to the Superconducting Super Collider’… ‘EPCOT Center- 25 Years in the Community of Tomorrow’ (With Walt Disney cutting the ribbon on the front page!)… Oh, this is good stuff, this is really good stuff…”
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So, to the current staff: do you have any Igor subcontractors?
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Uh, what?
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An Igor. I require one. Preferably soon. The cometary beacons won’t last forever, you know.
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Uh, I suppose so. There’s a do-it-yourself model over there *points to aisle 4* or there are frozen completed Igors in the back. The do-it-yourself model costs 15 pies and the fully completed model is 50 pies.
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We also have the business card of several Igors looking for work.
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I’ll take a card, please.
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Here you go!
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Several Muse Academy students are looking for summer research assistantships. They’re all extremely capable but probably too independent-minded to make good Igors in the traditional mold. I’m not sure any of them could say “Yes, master” with a straight face.
(By the way, has anyone noticed that in the 1931 “Frankenstein” movie, the Igor is named Fritz?)
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Do you have any time machines? Or thread restarters?
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No time machines, but we do carry thread revivers. That will be seven pies, please.
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Just my opinion, but I don’t think even the Oasis Marage has the power to revive threads.
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Oh. I didn’t know that, Sudo. Sorry, Opt. (Can I call you Opt?)
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Maybe I’m wrong. I just don’t want to se
ll something to a customer that I don’t think will work.
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May I step into the Wung Room?
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Certainly.
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May I work here?
Also, do you sell any wonderflonium, or any narrativium?
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We do sell wonderflonium. It is 10 pies. Just don’t bounce it.
Yes, you may work here.
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May I have an infinite amount of clay?
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We’ll have to pack it away in a pocket dimension where gravity works differently, so that it doesn’t collapse into a singularity immediately.
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Okay. How many pies will that be?
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Too bad there isn’t a thread restarter, we need the Game Room *coughcough* revived again. May I sporadically work here whenever a customer needs assistance and I happen to be around?
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Don’t see why not.
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Oh, and if you really want a thread revived, post on it! And I don’t mean “DEAD THREAD DEAD THREAD DEAD THREAD” posts, actually make substantial ones so people will have something to post about. Generally, threads are dead because they were no longer interesting, so make it interesting again!
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I heartily approve of this advice.
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Could I buy a heavy duty sea kayak and paddle please?
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SFTDP Oh, and a pack of debunnifying rays?
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Certainly. That will be 30 pies total.
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*Hands over pies*
I also need a deficentcy cabaratior, several steel rods, one pound of extra long nails, and a lighting abrasic rod.
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Ooh! May I have an infinite amount of clay too? And a pottery wheel? Thank you!
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Of course! I’ll assemble the pocket dimension shortly. That will be 35 pies.
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Thanks to everybody that helped out while I was gone.
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We are open for business. Sale going for 1/2 off every item!!
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May I please have a deficentcy cabaratior, several steel rods, one pound of extra long nails, and a lighting abrasic rod?
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Sure. That’ll be 20 pies.
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20
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May I have some volatile organic compounds, volatile malted milk impoundments, 9 medium geosynthetic membranes, and a Cross-Borehole Electromagnetic Imaging Rhubarb please?
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Something with geology?
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No, I think he’s baking a Portal cake.
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Sure. (even though I don’t know what most of that is) That will be 26 pies.
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Here you go. x26
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We now sell special edition HPB Paker cards that have millions of uses in Paker, and it’s only 5 pies. We also sell just normal 5 packs if cards for 7 pies.
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Please, I need eight crates of depigmentizer darts, and a pair of wung-watching binoculars.
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Please? It’s a bit of an emergency. How many pies will my above request be? SFTDP
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I’ll give those to you for twelve pies.
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