Friday, 19 April 2024
Life, the universe, pies, hot-pink bunnies, world domination, and everything
This quintessentially British celebration is extra-special this year: it’s the 400th anniversary of the Gunpowder Plot. Maybe Paul Baker will leave his bonfire long enough to tell us about it.
Date: November 4, 2005
Categories: Non-Muse news
yyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!
first post specialness. i hope. *fingers crossed*
guy fawkes day…interesting.
so what do you britisher peoples do on guy fawkes day anyway? do people get skool off? do you blow stuff up? *gasp* what fun!!!
*ebeth runs away to get her secret stash of dynamite*
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Don’t you all go to huge firework spectaculars on the 5th?
Oh, no, of course you don’t. OK, I’ll just have to think of you all when I’m up in Lancaster tomorrow, playing a specially commisioned programme of Gunpowder Plot music. Well, actually, there isn’t much Gunpowder Plot music. It was too politically dangerous to publish, whichever side you were on. There’s one song, called “Bravely deck’t, come forth, bright day”. That’s it. So we’ve expanded the brief a bit.
“The Stake, the Rack and the Gibbet”
A woeful miscellanie of ballads, songes and funereall aires, celebrating the lives and untymely deathes of Englandes most famousest cutpurses, traytoures and hereticks; to commemorate the wicked and gruesome Gunpowder Plot, happilye discover’d by Kinge James.
I wish you could all be there. When we’ve done the concert, they’re putting on what’s claimed to be the biggest firework display in the North of England. It should be epic.
Incidentally, if any of you should meet someone from whichever US Government department organises festivals, it might be worth pointing out that 4th of July is only two weeks after the summer solstice, and it’s not exactly the most sensible day to launch fireworks. November in England works so much better.
*cackle*
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OMG!!! the pb&j’s back!!! gloating once again about his supreme britishness (grrr…)
*BANG BANG*
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Alas, kids don’t get the day off, even when it falls on a school day. It’s on a Saturday this year.
Well. huge numbers of people light bonfires and burn effigies of Guy Fawkes. Lovely, eh? They also let off lots of fireworks. There are little private parties in people’s back gardens, and huge municipal displays in parks. Most of them are approximately on November 5th, but it all goes on for at least a week before and after.
The old traditon of “penny for the guy” is rapidly disappearing. It’s a bit like trick or treat (which we’ve only acquired recently due to the influence of Hollywood), except it’s more creative. A bunch of kids make an effigy of Guy Fawkes, usually from old clothes stuffed with newspaper, and cart it round the streets on some sort of ramshackle trolley. People who think they’ve done a good job give them money for fireworks. A bit more than a penny nowadays, one hopes. You don’t get many fireworks for a quid, let alone a penny. The Guy ends up on the bonfire.
Actually, a lot of kids nowadays don’t know what it’s all about. It’s even been known for kids to request a “penny for the Guy” without having made a Guy. Old folks like me will generally explain their conceptual deficiency to them. At great length.
We don’t actually blow stuff up. Not intentionally, anyway.
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‘Ere, Ebef me old flower, wot’s the &j bit for? Is it like yoof culcha or summat?
(Sorry, my Cockney is about as good as Dick van Dyke’s).
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“PB&J” is short for “peanut butter and jelly,” a kind of sandwich that American children consider scrumptious. I’d say it’s a compliment.
Be advised that our jelly is what you call jam. What you think of when you hear “jelly” is what we call gelatin or Jell-O. That’s a little hard to imagine on a sandwich, though I’m sure it’s been tried.
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Wow. Isn’t America confusing?
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natrually.
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actually i didn’t really like pb&j (the sandwich not the person) until i was in like 7th or 8th grade…
jello sandwich? that would be interesting…
i know what i’m having for dinner!!!
except we don’t have any jello. scratch that.
next time though. 
Isn’t the world confusing?
I mean seriously when has anybody been to a perfectly sane and rational place? (actually that’s possible but if it’s sane and rational it’s sure to be incredibly boring which is not sane and rational. which would make it an insane and irrational place. so give up. the place doesn’t exist)
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yEP iT sURE iS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Erm….mousie are you kitten? Cuz kitten hasn’t been appearing.
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tell me in a secret spot.
HK*
just guess what it means. Clue: hurri
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hurricane katrina?
hang on what’s that got to do w/guy fawkes day anyway?
i think the anonymous person blahblahblah is kricket. (creative spelling plus she knows kitten.)
wow this is pretty fun…
wait if it is kricket she’ll be disgusted… 
it’s not kricket!!! no way! dunno where i got that idea!!!! Absolutely totally completely inconceivable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Remember, remember the fifth of November,
gunpowder, treason and plot,
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes,
’twas his intent
to blow up the King and the Parliament.
Three score barrels of powder below,
Poor old England to overthrow:
By God’s providence he was catch’d
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, make the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!
Hip hip hoorah!
A penny loaf to feed the Pope.
A farthing o’ cheese to choke him.
A pint of beer to rinse it down.
A faggot of sticks to burn him.
Burn him in a tub of tar.
Burn him like a blazing star.
Burn his body from his head.
Then we’ll say ol’ Pope is dead.
Hip hip hoorah!
Hip hip hoorah!
yeah i copied that off the wikepedia thing…
wow and you know what the odd thing is? I always knew to remember remember the 5th of november but i never could remember why! i just remembered that first line and i was like ??? 
confooooosed!!!
but now i am a smart person again. well…not really. but i can pretend i am now. 
i g2g watch my lb’s play now. charlie+the choklit factory. yuuum….choklit….
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On guy Fawkes day don’t you burn “guys” (little dolls that are supposed to be Guy Fawkes), send off fireworks, make noise, have fun, etc?
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hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Welcome to the blog mousie!!!!!!! Trust me anonomoyous person, mousie is not Kitten. I know Kitten personally and she would have told me if she was. *note- I could be lying ’cause I wouldn’t give my bff away, now would I?* Hey Kitten, if you are reading this just know I’m sending you an email in a few minutes!!!!!! to the email and away!!!!!!!!!!!
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I knew about Guy Fawkes Day sort of because of the Diana Wynn Jones Chronicles of Chrestomanci. The rest of her stuff is disgusting, though…
But hey, any day where you set off explosives and burn effigies of people is cool…
How much do you guys want to bet that it would have been banned long before now in America, due to fears of being sued, etc?
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hi y’all! what does HK* mean?… wait do you go to my school?
Question- What did you do to help Huricane Katrina people?
Is your Principal’s name Mr. R?
Do you live in Pennsylvania?
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Oooh! Oooh! Gunpowder Plot! Isn’t that the one where a bunch of crazy people tried to blow up the King of England and all the Parliament peoples? Aha. Right. Thanks for clearing that up, Ebeth.
Mousie, I got the hint.
Hurricane. Yay.
Yours Gunpowderily,
Phoebe
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We don’t celebrate the day that guy put a bomb in his shoe and got caught in security on an airline, do we? That is so unfair!
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what??? haven’t heard that one…
we should have a skool burning day at the end of the skool year….it would give us a wonderful outlet. and people would have something to do besides fix roads. the road stuff here is crazy, they’re doing something w/the sewers on main st. that means cosi was blocked for a while and we could only walk there. not that that’s saying much of anything seeing as it’s like right down the street…
*BANGBANGBANG*
I might do guy fawkes day if i could convince one of my friends to come w/me. you know burning the little doll and everything….nice little suprise to start the day…
ebeth+co: *push doorbell*
doorbell: *dingdong*
ebeth: *lights little dolly dude on fire*
neighbors: *open the door*
ebeth: trick or treat!!! i mean…erm…happy guy fawkes day!!! BURN THE WITCH!!!!
neighbors: What???!!!
ebeth: well he turned me into a newt!!!!
neighbors: AAH!!! IT’S ON FIRE!!! PUT IT OUT!!!
ebeth: YES!!! BURN BURN BUUUUURN!!! THE WORLD WILL BURN IN THE FIRES OF DOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
neighbors: What will we do?!!
ebeth: I sugges the scream, panic, and run helplessly around in circles method.
neighbors: *scream, panic, and helplessly run around in circles*
ebeth: one down, 19 to go…
+co (from ebeth+co): why are we doing this again???
ebeth: oh it’s just a mostly harmless and slightly amusing pastime for bored kids in england. I thought we’d follow their example so we have something to do besides sitting around making up silly things on the museblog…
+co: ok then….
ebeth: you wanna light the next one?
+co: oh that’s ok…you can do it…
ebeth: HUZZAH!!!!!!!! BUUUUUUUUUUUURN!!!!!!!!!
I’m pretty sure that’s not how you actually do it…
it’d be pretty fun though 
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I would point out that these effigies of the estimable Mr Fawkes are certainly not “small dolls”. Back garden versions tend to be kid sized if made by kids, or adult sized if made by adults. Municipal versions can be huge. The Himley Hall bonfire is the closest big one to me. The bonfire itself is the size of a substantial house, the guy is twenty feet high, and the event usually attracts at least 30,000 people.
Alas, I’ve missed it this year. I did the concert up in Lancaster, the punters went away smiling, or at least nodding contentedly, because it was a very lugubrious programme. I intended to stay for the Big Display, but it was chucking it down with rain, and it didn’t look like stopping. So I drove home, and by the time I got back here, the weather had cleared up nicely but the Himley Hall bash was over.
Never mind. I’m sitting here, writing this, and gazing out of my window at all the back garden bonfires and fireworks. It’s almost as good as Himley. Wheeeee!
Meanwhile, just for your edification,
A songe of rejoicyng by Mr. Thomas Campion, at the confounding of the wicked Powder-plot, hatchd by the traytour Fawkes and his foule brethren.
Bravely deckt, come forth, bright day,
Thine houres with Roses strew thy way,
As they well remember,
Thou receiv’d shalt be with feasts:
Come, chiefest of the British ghests,
Thou fift of November,
Thou with triumph shalt exceede
In the strictest ember;
For by thy returne the Lord records his blessed deede.
Britaines, frolicke at your bourd,
But first sing praises to the Lord
In your Congregations.
Hee preserv’d your state alone,
His loving grace hath made you one
Of his chosen Nations.
But this light must hallowed be
With your best Oblations;
Prayse the Lord, for onely great and mercifull is hee.
Death had enter’d in the gate,
And ruine was crept neare the State;
But heav’n all revealed.
Fi’ry Powder hell did make,
Which, ready long the flame to take,
Lay in shade concealed.
God us helpt of his free grace,
None to him appealed;
For none was so bad to feare the treason or the place.
God his peacefull Monarch chose,
To him the mist he did disclose,
To him, and none other;
This hee did, O King, for thee,
That thou thine owne renowne might’st see,
Which no time can smother.
May blest Charles thy comfort be,
Firmer then his Brother:
May his heart the love of peace, and wisedome learn from thee.
So that’s that then. The one surviving song written about the Gunpowder Plot at the time. “Remember, remember” was written much later.
You feel all knowledgeable now, don’t you?
Actually, it’s not a brilliant song. The “Lamentable Ballad of King John, Poysoned by a Fryer”, is much juicier.But it’s nothing to do with Guy Fawkes. Obviously.
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so what’s the lamentable ballad of king john, poysoned by a fryer?
AARRGH!!! YOU’VE RAISED MY CURIOUSITY!!!! CURSE YOU!!! BUT NOT REALLY CUZ I NEED YOU TO TELL ME HOW KING JOHN GOT POISONED BY A FRYER WHICH MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL!!!
heh. big dolly dudes then. i blame my unknowing americanness.
*sigh* now my mom is yelling at me again…i told her i was studying british history. she doesn’t believe me.
only 10 precious minutes!!! gogogogogogo! but where? there? maybe i’ll just stay here frantically trying to figure out where to spend my last 10 minutes on the computer!!! aaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!! *screams, panics, and helplessly runs around in circles*
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aha! problem solved. heh. a fryer. it means a friar right? not a fryer. wow. i amaze myself sometimes…
i still wanna hear the ballad.
but it makes sense now…
wow i’m still amazed. and shocked. and laughing at myself. a fryer oh my.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
wow…that was pretty funny…
friar. fryer. friar. fryer.
k don’t mind me i’m gonna be laughing at myself about that all night…
i’m not technically supposed to be on here either so with the mystery solved and the laughing at myself at least partially accomplished, i’m gonna go now…
fryer
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Yeah, I don’t think a Fryer would poison anyone… a Friar is fair game, though.
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We never do anything fun in America. Burning stuff qualifies as fun. (Although we did burn croutons and caramel rice cakes in science class.)
I have an idea! Since today is Guy Fawkes day, we shall burn a virtual Guy!
__
X0
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NOOOOOO! My virtual Guy died before you could see him in all his pyrotechnic glory! Let’s try it again.
__
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Darn stupid computer. This one burned up too. That’s what they’re for, I guess.
One more try.
X
O
^
|
^ (This would be the Guy.)
^^^^ (and the fire)
:twisted:… (and the evil MuseBloggers)
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It worked! At last!
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Well, if you must…..
A Lamentable ballad of the death of King John, poysoned by a fryer
A Trecherous deede forthwith I shall you tell,
Which on King John vpon a sudden fell:
To Lincolneshire proceeding on his way,
At Swinestead Abby, one whole night he lay.
There did the King oppose his welcome good,
But much deceit lyes vnder an Abbots hood.
There did the King himselfe in safetie thinke,
But there the King receiued his latest drinke.
Great cheare they made vnto his royall grace,
While he remaind a guest within that place.
But while they smilde and laughed in his sight,
They wrought great treason, shadowed with delight.
A flat faced Monke comes with a glosing tale,
To giue the King a cup of spiced Ale:
A deadliar draught was neuer offered man,
Yet this false Monke vnto the King began.
Which when the king without mistrust did see,
He tooke the Cup of him most courteously:
But while he held the poisoned Cup in hand,
Our noble king amazed much did stand.
For casting downe by chance his princely eye,
On pretious iewels which he had full nye:
He saw tho colour of each pretious stone,
Most strangely turne and alter one by one.
Their Orient brightnesse to a pale dead hue,
Were changed quite, the cause no person knew
And such a sweat did ouerspread them all,
As stood like dew which on faire flowers fall,
And hereby was their pretious natures tride,
For precious stones foule poyson cannot bide
But though our king beheld their colour pale,
Mistrusted not the poyson in the Ale.
For why the Monke the taste before him tooke,
Nor knew the king how ill he did it brooke.
And therefore he a hartie draught did take,
Which of his life a quicke dispatch did make.
Th’infectious drinke fumd vp into his head:
And through the veines into the heart it spred,
Distempering the pure vnspotted braine,
That doth in man his memorie maintaine.
Then felt the King an extreame grief to grow,
Through all his intrels being infected so:
Thereby he knew through anguish which he felt
The Monks with him most traiterously had delt.
The grones he gaue did mak al men to wonder,
He cast as if his heart would split in sunder,
And still he cald while he thereon did thinke,
For that false Monke which brought the deadly drinke.
And then his Lords went searching round about
In euerie place to find this Traytor out:
At length they found him dead as any stone,
Within a corner lying all alone.
For hauing tasted of that poysoned Cup,
Whereof our King the residue drunke vp,
The enuious Monk himself to death did bring
That he thereby might kill our royall king.
But when the king with wonder hard them tel,
The Monks dead body did with poyson swel:
Why then my Lords ful quickly now (quoth he)
A breathlesse King you shall among you see.
Behold (he said) my vaines in peeces cracke,
A grieuous torment feele I in my backe:
And by this poyson deadly and accurst,
I feel my heart strings ready for to burst.
With that his eyes did turne within his head:
A pale dead colour through his face did spread,
And lying gasping with a cold faint breath,
The royall King was ouercome by death.
His mournful Lords which stood about him then
With al their force and troopes of warlike men:
To Worcester the corpes they did conueye,
With Drumbe & trumpet marching al the waye.
And in the faire Cathedrall Church I find,
They buried him according to their mind:
Most pompiously best fitting for a king,
Who were aplauded greatly for this thing.
FINIS.
(Note: you have to pronounce “Worcester” the American way, which is more or less the same as the Elizabethan way. It doesn’t fit if you pronounce it “Wooster” the way Brits do now.)
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Actually, King John probably died of dysentery. Some disreputable ballad monger just didn’t like monks.
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wooster! cockadoodledoo!!!
mommy let’s go pet the wooster!
how about the bugs bunny way? worstisheshtisheshtisheshtishire!!!!!!
yaaaaay! king john got deep fat fried!!! huzzah!
welcome to mcdonald’s may i take your order?
yeah i’d like a king johnburger please.
would you like fries with that?
no thanks.
up to the next window please!!
*drive off*
$3.95.
here you go.
thank you.
*drive off*’
here’s your king johnburger have a nice day!
thanks you too!
*opens wrapper*
mmmmm
i’m not dead!!
what was that???!!!
it’s your king johnburger smart one!!! i’m not dead in here!!! helloooo!!!!
but you got fried!!!
no i was about to get poisoned but i hid inside a burger.
oh. well you’d better come out then.
*out comes king john*
*a friar comes up”
have some sugarwaterandartificialflavoring!!!!
*king john drinks sugarwaterandartificialflavoring”*
oh no! i’ve been poisoned!!! AAAAH!!!!!!
i am up waaaaay too early. bad me. grrrrr.
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I went to the baby nameing page in Muse, and it was SOOOO cool! my mom styed up playing with it last night, although my name didn’t show up :(. however, I wasn’t really suprised, since not many people name thier children “Tree”.
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Kitten! Where are you!!!!!!! KitKat, Ebeth, and.. and… well ME miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fine, I’ll do your zoooooooommmmmmmmmms for you now.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzoom!!!!!!!!!!!!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzoom!!!!!!!!!!!!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzoom!!!!!!!!!!!!
COME BACK KITTEN!!!!!!!!!!!! AND EMAIL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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yeah where is kitten anyway? she give up or something?
kitten you’d better come back cuz i have a feeling kricket is gonna flood your inbox with angry emails asking where you are and why are you not on the museblog ect…
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too late!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the flood has arrived!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Guy Fawkes Day is also called Bonfire Night, right? And it’s mentioned in Lord of the Nutcracker Men. Not that I reccomend that book–it’s pretty bad. I hat to read it for English, which will ruin any book, so maybe I’m biased due to forced overanalysis. I dunno.
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okay, uh, MontgomeryGurl? hat to? baised? SPELLING ERROR ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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that would be memyselfandi. aneewaye, spleling es note importent ine tha beeger picsher. wee shuld abolesh al propr spleling ande goe thrue lyfe spleling evrytheng rong. thane tha wurld wuld bee an allmoste perfict playce. doune withe spleling!!!!
lol! creeativ spleling ise fune…
hay pb&j, es guye fokes daye stille goeng one ore noe? leke u sayd et wente fore weekes ore somtheng…
cuz eye nevr gote arond tu bilding a guye. soe ife it’se ovr eye haf tu wayte untile nexte yeer…en ordr tu bee proprlee insanlee britishe thet es.
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nice. I hate reading books in English class, because they take a perfectly good book and boil it down untill it’s nothing! I HATE that! just as bad, in it’s own way, is doing the same with a BAD book or a stupid one untill you just can’t take it anymore!
a really scary story is “the telltale heart” by Edgar Allan Poe. here is my summary of his life:
mother dies
father dies
girlfriend dies
writes a few scary stories
he dies.
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heh. that one…we watched a scary movie of that. and got really hyper cuz sam’s a major e.a.poe freak.
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ya know, the raven in “The Raven” was supposed to be a parrot. imagine. Quoth the parrot nevermore.
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Hmph, Kricket. I’ll have you know I spelled “biased” right! One typo isn’t that bad. I’m terrible on a computer keyboard, and what’s the point in proofreading a blog message?
Well,Ebeth, I know ee’ll probably end up watching that, too–I saw it in my English teacher’s classroom on top of her VCR… It’s an odd story, I read it in our textbook because I was bored.
Completely unrelated question: Does anybody else like The Phantom of the Opera? I watched it for the first time yesterday and I think it’s really really good…
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AAAGH!!! ANOTHER TYPO!!!! I meant “I know *we’ll* probably…”
Hah! I can catch my own mistakes!
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the phantom of the opera is one of those weird stories that i know, but can never remember reading or watching or hearing somebody tell me. it’s very strange. that happened w/ the 3 musketeers too. except then i read the book.
ok i’m gonna go now. i’m multi tasking and i really shouldn’t be. i’m watching raiders again. i watch that movie too much. we should just buy the stupid thing already. it’s due back soon. 
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Raiders? Raiders of what? Of the Lost Ark, possibly?
The Phantom of the Opera has come out several times. Most recently, it came out last year as the movie version of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical and it’s really awesome.
NOTE to anybody who’s confused about which one I’m talking about– it’s the most recent one, starring Gerard Butler as the Phantom, Emmy Rossum as Christine, and Patrick Wilson as Raoul. It’s good!
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Huh. I wonder how we got to movies from Guy Fawkes Day… Oh, right. That was me.
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I’ve never seen it… but is that your favoriite play? I like Oliver!, and Into the Woods, and My Fair Lady, and the Lion King, and On the Town, Pirates of Penzance especially. I’m learning the major general song! Iam the very model of a modern major general/ I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral…
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Quoth? hey do any of you people read “The Wyrd Museum” series? you know with the Spinners of the Web and all that stuff?
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I haven’t seen the musical, just the movie… but the movie is awesome!
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How did we get from burning people to musicals? Can we at least talk about British musicals? Is there a movie about Guy Fawkes? Probably. Anybody know?
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yeah raiders of the lost ark. that movie rocks.
my fair lady was awesome, except the one guy bugged me. a lot. at the end i was like “you idiot (talking to the girl) why did you go back to him? you enjoy fetching his slippers or something?” *ahem* anyway. good movie though.
pirates of penzance rock. haven’t seen the others.
hey why aren’t we saying this on the BOOKS+MOVIES THREAD???
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I’ve seen various documentaries about Guy Fawkes with dramatised sequences (and lots of jiucy computer graphics of the original Palace of Westminster exploding spectacularly, which it didn’t), but nothing like a proper film. It should be done. Maybe I’ll get my video camera out and start fundraising. Anyone got a spare couple of million dollars? That should cover it, if we do it on the cheap.
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Guy Fawkes was tortured to death, wasn’t he? If you tell Mel Gibson about him, he’ll insist on making the movie and starring in it. Mel seems to enjoy being tortured to death.
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hey pb&j write a script and i’ll find his email address somewhere…or his agent’s or whatever…
um…guys? why is this thread up so early? it’s 11 months 3 weeks and 3 days till guy fawkes day…
yes i’m starting a countdown now. i wanna burn the big little dolly dude!!!!
i g2g do hw now. more history. oh joy. writing a fake diary. i hate those things. if i really had a diary during that time i wouldn’t bother explaining how a textile mill works!!! i would be rambling on about the sad lack of computers, ipods, mcdonalds, muse, and the other joys of life sadly lacking way back then. of course i’d need a time machine to do that…
aaaaanyhoo i’ll probably be back in about 30 secs when i can’t think of anything to write but for now i have to at least pretend to try to make an attempt at giving the fake boring diary a shot. cu all in 30 secs!
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Here you go, Mr. Baker.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Now make the movie! Hope this covers it.
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Right, as soon as I’ve finished making a harp and visiting Bronze Age settlements (sneaky future spoiler), I’ll get the camera out. I just need to locate 36 barrels of gunpowder. It’s not easy to get hold of nowadays. Actually, the barrels don’t have to contain gunpowder. I’ll just look up coopers in Yellow Pages.
Hey, Ebeth – method for spicing up homework, but it involves heavy labour. Next time you have to write a dairy explaining how a textile mill works, try and dig up LOTS of historical documents, plans, diagrams, etc. Once you have 20 times more detailed info than you need, you can write PAGES of stuff about the number of staff off sick this week, the unseasonal dry weather causing too many thread breakages and associated downtime, how the bearings on number 4 loom are knocking, but no-one can locate the problem, and the engineer will have to be called in, and how that’s going to affect this month’s balance sheet…………
I did this once. We were asked to outline the manufacturing processes involved in producing a mains plug. I gave the teacher milling specifications, tooling costs, production costs, references for dealers in injection-moulding equipment, non-ferrous metals suppliers, the lot. He could have set up a manufacturing plant if he had the capital. He HAD to give me full marks, and it was FUN.
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hah! I will try that sometime. unfortunately this diary was due the next morning (before study hall 
) and it was kinda time to just get it done already.
I still haven’t figured out anybody’s password either. meh.
Bronze age settlements?? ooh. fun stuff.
making a harp. grr. COME TO AMERICA ALREADY!! you’re making us jealous of britishers now.
when did you do that anyway??
ok i g2g now. hey rrf got any extra money left over??
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Speaking of Guy Faukes or what ever, who has read the story of Young Tam Lin? I’m eager to read it. I want to read theArabian Nights book too, but i don’t know it’s exact title. Does anybody Know? Don’t ignore more else I’ll hire somebody to almost blow up YOUR parliament! Moohawhawhawgaspcoffchoke1
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Well, it’s mnow November 12th, and there are still lots of silly people making flashes and bangs in the sky. People with dogs will be cursing, because they generally get scared adn hide under a table. Or howl. People without dogs (like me) just stare out of the window and enjoy the free show.
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mnow? adn?? WATCH YOUR SPELLING!!!!!!!!!!!!
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what is mnow???
hey pb&j do you know anything about james II and some kind of rebellion or something? cuz i’m watching capt. blood, and it rocks, but it rocks more when you actually have some clue what’s going on historically and i’m too lazy to go read some long wikepidia thing or whatever. do those people honestly have nothing else to do? they ramble on forever! wikepidia bugs me. even though i use it all the time. baaaad ebeth, baaaad. bad hypocritical ebeth. oh vell.
I am now going to go finish watching my movie. even though i haven’t figured out the king james thing yet. james is my lb’s name. random fact of the day. it’s kind of weird, Elizabeth and then James. If you’re a brit history freak that is. which my dad actually is. actually he’s basically a history freak about any kind of history. but i don’t think that was planned.
haha i was a better ruler than him in my past life. mwahaha i laugh.
if that makes any sense to you at all you get 50 hot pink bunny points.
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OK, sorry about the spelling. I occasionally have long Missidge Ingine conversations with Captain Pelluw, and I have to bang it all in fast without checking, just to keep up. It’s not easy to kick the habit. Especially now Museblog has grown way beyond the point where I have the time to read all the posts. That’s the trouble with gainful employment. He says, inviting sympathy and getting absolutely zero response because they all know that in pb&j’s case, gainful employment involves making harps and videoing donkeys.
Brief summary of Jim 2. Blithering idiot, and arrogant with it. Very much like Charlie 1, who got the chop because of his dictatorial ways. Wanted to restore authoritorian Catholicism to England, but failed to realise that after the Civil War, the king didn’t really run the show. He offended everyone worth mentioning, of all political persuasions. They eventually kicked him out of England, and invited William of Orange to “invade”. Quietest invasion ever. 1688, “Glorious Revolution”. The only actual battle occurred when the exiled James teamed up with the Catholic French king and mustered support in Ireland. Battle of the Boyne, 1690. William won, partly because he had a whole cartload of crack mercenaries provided by – wait for it – the Pope. The battle is still being fought in Ireland between heavily armed loonies on both sides who are still convinced it was a Catholic-Protestant thing. It wasn’t, really. It was just very political, and very complicated.
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ah. ok. thanx!
so what is mnow??
*gasp* read all the posts?! shock and horror!!! how terrible! what a horrible fate!
ok you get some virtual choklit now cuz you read posts (go you! *coughcough*) and cuz you satisfy my insane desire for random summaries of brit history so i don’t have to go look it up. unfortunately i have no choklit right now, and i think people here in the library might think it just a little odd that some crazy freshman is over here chucking choklit at the comp. i’ll send it when everybody’s gone after skool (mwahaha..vandilization through choklit. what fun)
oh wait..what’s this? aha! my secret virtual cubby located in a secret virtual place with virtual locks and a virtual guard! let’s see what’s inside…ah. virtual choklit. here you go!
i shall ramble on a bit more cuz i really don’t feel like doing my math. soooooooo…what is up people? erm…nice day…not really actually but let’s just pretend so i have something to say. well..um…very..interesting and…rainy. nice. and…um…cold. i think. it was cold this morning anyway. but that’s not saying much. it’s usually cold in the morning. by the morning I mean that terrible time of day when we have to go to skool when all is dark and quiet…yeah i wish. ok all is dark and loud from high skool drivers being cool and beeping their horns randomly at each other, and it’s…erm..cold. and dark…and…loud. yeah. that.
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii don’t want to go hear how badly i did on the stupid english test and then go hear how badly i did on the stupid science lab and then go get yelled at for a whole bunch of things that weren’t my fault because our theater directer has issues and then stay up late doing my homework and then get up way too early in the morning and fail the latin test and have a pop quiz in history (I know we’re going to have one tomorrow. don’t ask me how, i just know it.) and then go to math and be really bored and clueless and then go to band and be depressed cuz we suck and my old i g2g
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hello, all. I am depressed. praise me.
I got another bad grade on my math (which, incedentally, Zyviva got an A on, of course), mainly because, although I am not a bad math student, I work slooooowly and need lots of time. plus I thought the hight of a triangle said 1/2 instead of “h”, so I was doing all this complicated mathimatica and finally came up with an infactorable number, so I thought it was a trick question and didn’t catch that it was infactorable, and got a bad grade. bleh. Plus when I was having a broadsword duel the other guy (it was The Bully, actually, and he started it by hitting me with a meter stick) he cheated. He dosn’t even know broadsword fight. And so when i showed him starting position, he suddenly made the “kill” position! how unfair is THAT? I was just trying to be nice, in a fair duel I could beat him any day.
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sry about the abrupt cutoff. i was caught *gasp* ok we’re not really allowed to be doing anything but hw in study hall on the comps. but nobody really cares, and he (nolan) doesn’t really care either. usually. i guess he was in a bad mood today. so then i argued a bit and sulked and sat in the aisle and read dave barry. I don’t know why i always sit in the aisle, i just do. I like it there on the floor. people always look at me strange like “why are you sitting there in that uncomfortable position on the floor when there’s an empty squishy chair a foot away from you?” but that’s me! go strangeness and…stuff.
dude phoenix, you don’t fence fairly with bullies!! just kill them and get on with it! except you can’t kill somebody with a meter stick. but whatever! just schmack em! schmack em good! yeah! yeah! come on! then you go BANG! ooh burn! you got SKOOLED!!! mwahaha!
and the bully slinks off in shame and defeat while the convenienlty situated large crowd of people come in to carry you off on their shoulders straight into the camera while you smile and wave and wonder if your hair looks all right. that’s how you deal with a duel with a bully!!! yeah!!!
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oh yeah and i told nolan i was learning british history and he didn’t believe me either! I was like “ok look. see this? yeah that’s a summary of james II. you can’t say that’s not educational” of course he didn’t even look. i think there’s some sort of curse on this thread. nobody believes it’s educational!!!!!! help!!! noooo!!! maybe we should have pb&j ramble on in a pompous wikipedia type way. but then it wouldn’t be cool and we would all leave. never mind.
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I’m not sure I’d know HOW to ramble on in a Wikipedia manner. The trouble with Wikipedia is that it tries to give you the whole picture. In history, the whole picture is invariably horribly complicated and open to dispute. So at school, you get fed the simplified version because you have altogether too much information to absorb about EVERYTHING in not enough time, and then you get tested on it. If you ever get really interested in Vlad the Impaler or Richard III’s second cousin, try Wikipedia again. It’s quite a good starting point if you want the inconvenient details.
Incidentally, it happens in science as well. The standard explanation of how an airfoil section works is rubbish. It depends on air molecules on the top of a wing somehow knowing that they have to travel faster to catch up with the ones on the bottom. My mate Andrew lectures in fluid dynamics. He gave me the real explanation once. My brain still hurts.
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Wikipedia has an article on Muse amgazine! yaaay!
1 problem with your otherwise lovely suggestion, Ebeth. If I scored, he would just throw away the meterstick and hit me, which wouldn’t be a problem except that he is, like, twice my size. Wish the metersticks were real broadswords. Bully sliced in half– what a beutiful, beutiful picture…
you are really lucky to have study hall, we don’t have it at all.
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I think you guys argue too much
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we probably do. arguing is fun.
hey New York, are you new or are you an alter ego??
ah yes phoenix, that might be a problem. hoom. k we shall gather an army of musebloggers and make him King of something so that we can start a war with him.
haha yes study hall rocks. except not regular study hall. you have to get in the library to have any fun. otherwise it’s in the cafeteria. blech.
I always get on the list first though cuz i have library homeroom so i sign up right in the morning! woohoo go me!
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NO!!!!!!!!! ARGUING IS NOT FUN I HATE ARGUING HOW DARE YOU SAY ARGUING IS FUN I NEVER ARGUE AND I WOULD SAY SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR MOTHER BEING A CHIPMUNK BUT I’VE NEVER SEEN MONTY PYTHON SO I DON’T KNOW THE LINES AND I WILL JUST KEEP GOING ON AND ON ABOUT HOW I HATE TO ARGUE AND HOW I NEVER DO IT AND YOU ARE SO WRONG FOR SAYING THAT I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEATH TO ARGUING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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um…would you possibly be arguing about the fact that you argue??
*ahem*
*gasp* YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN MONTY PYTHON!!?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! YOU POOR DEPRIVED CHILD! I SHALL NOW QUOTE THE WHOLE MOVIE TO YOU BECAUSE I KNOW IT ALL CUZ I’M SAD LIKE THAT!!!
*deep breath*
Credits-I shall skip. ok i don’t know all of it. just most of it. everything but the credits and anthrax cuz i usually skip that *hemhem*
Scene 1-*clopclopclopclop*
Guard 1: Halt! Who goes there?
King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon from the court of Camelot. King of the Britons! Defeater of the Saxons! Sovreign of all England!
Guard 1: Pull the other one!
KA: I am! And this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land, in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.
Guard1: What? ridden on a horse?
KA: yes.
G1: You’re using coconuts!
KA: what?
G1: you’ve got two empty halves of coconuts and you’re banging them together!
KA: so? we have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land! Through the kingdom of Mercia, through…
G1: Where’d you get the coconuts?
KA: We found them.
G1: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut’s tropical!
KA: What do you mean?
G1: Well this is a temperate zone!
KA: The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house marten or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land!
G1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
KA: Not at all! They could be carried.
G1: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
KA: It could grip it by the husk!
G1: It’s not a question of where he grips it! It’s a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut!
KA: Well it doesn’t matter! Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the court of Camelot is here?
G1: Listen. In order to maintain air speed velocity, a swallow has to beat it’s wings 43 times every second right?
KA: Please!
G1: Am I right?
KA: I’m not interested!
G2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
G1: Oh yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow , that’s my point.
G2: Oh yeah, I agree with that…
KA: Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the court of Camelot is here!
G1: But then of course, African swallows are non-migratory.
G2: oh yeah…
G1: So they couldn’t bring a coconut back anyway.
G2: Wait a minute. Supposing two swallows carried it together?
G1: No, they’d have to have it on a line…
G2: Well simple! They’d just use a strand of crepon!
G1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers??
G2: Well why not?
*Arthur and patsy “ride” off*
ok enough for now. g2g do hw. I hope that will be the start of your monty python obsession! It’s actually waaay funnier when you see it though. gotta have the accents.
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I have finished my hw, so i shall now do scene 2.
I’m typing this from memory btw. although i have the actual script somewhere. I think it’s on the other comp. though…
Scene 2
guy-that-i-don’t-know-what-to-call-so-i-will-call-random-person-1-or-rp1: Bring out your dead! *clink* Bring out your dead! *clink* Bring out your dead! Ninepence. Bring out your dead! *clink* Bring out your dead!
random-person-2-or-rp2: Here’s one!
rp1: Ninepence
dead-guy-who’s-alive-or-dg:I’m not dead!
rp1: what?
dg: I’m not dead!
rp1: Here, he says he’s not dead!
rp2: yes he is.
dg: I’m not!
rp1: he isn’t?
rp2: well he will be soon, he’s very ill.
dg: I’m getting better!
rp2: No you’re not, you’ll be stone dead in a moment.
rp1: I can’t take him like that! It’s against regulations!
dg: I don’t want to go in the cart!
rp2: Oh don’t be such a baby.
rp1: I can’t take him.
dg: I feel fine!
rp2: Well can you hang around for a couple of minutes? He won’t be long.
rp1: No, I’ve got to get down to Robinson’s, they’ve lost 9 today…
rp2: well when’s your next round?
rp1: Thursday.
dg: I think I’m going for a walk!
rp2: you’re not fooling anyone you know! look, isn’t there something you can do?
dg: I feel happy! I feel happy!
*WHACK*
rp2: oh thanks very much!
rp1: not at all, see you on Thursday!
rp2: right.
*Arthur+patsy “ride” by*
rp2: who’s that there?
rp1: I dunno. Must be a king.
rp2: why?
rp1: he hasn’t got s*** all over him.
aw the next scene’s one of my favs but i g2g or my mom’s gonna put me in a cart with a load of dead people. cu guys tomorrow then.
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hey scene 3. I love this scene! the constitutional peasants! woot!
oh yah i’m on the upstairs comp so i have the script on here but my incredible geekiness and my need to procrastinate are dictating that I shall type it all myself again. here goes…
KA: Old woman!
Dennis: Man!
KA: Man. sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Dennis: I’m 37!
KA: What?
Dennis: I’m 37, I’m not old!
KA: well I can’t just call you man!
Dennis: You could say Dennis.
KA: I didn’t know you were called Dennis!
Dennis: You didn’t bother to find out did you?
KA: I did say sorry about the old woman, but from behind, you looked…
Dennis: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!
KA: Well I am King…
Dennis: Oh King, eh, very nice. And how’d you get that? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma, which perpetuates the social and economic differences in our society. If there’s ever going to be any progress…
Old woman (OW): Dennis, there’s some lovely filth down here! Oh, how do you do?
KA: How do you do good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Who lives in that castle over there?
OW: King of who?
KA: The Britons!
OW: Who are the Britons?
KA: We all are! We are all Britons, and I am your King!
OW: I didn’t know we had a King. I thought we were an autonimous collective.
Dennis: You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship! A self-perpetuating autocracy, in which the working classes…
OW: Oh there you go bringing class into it again!
Dennis: Well that’s what it’s all about! (besides the Hokey Pokey) If only people would…
KA: Please, please good people, I am in haste. What knight lives in that castle over there?
OW: No one lives there.
KA: Then who is your lord?
OW: We don’t have a lord.
KA: What??!
Dennis: I told you, we’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week…
KA: yes.
Dennis: …but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting…
KA: yes i see!
Dennis: …by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs…
KA: Be quiet!
Dennis: …but by a 2/3rds majority, in he case of…
KA: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
OW: heh who does he think he is?
KA: I am your King!
OW: Well I didn’t vote for you.
KA: You don’t vote for kings!
OW: Well how’d you become King then?
KA: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your King!
Dennis: Listen, strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords, is no basis for a system of government! Supreme Executive power is derived from a mandate from the masses not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!
KA: BE QUIET!!
Dennis: You can’t expect to wield Supreme Executive power, just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!
KA: Shut up!
Dennis: I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!
KA: Shut up! Will you shut up?!!
*grabs dennis*
Dennis: Ah, now we see the violence inherit in the system!
KA: SHUT UP!!
Dennis: Come and see the violence inherit in the system! Help, help! I’m being repressed!!
KA: BLOODY PEASANT!!!
Dennis: Oh what a giveaway! Did you hear that? That’s what I’m on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw it didn’t you?
*Arthur and Patsy “ride” off*
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my turn!
(battle sounds]
[Black Knight defeats a knight]
ARTHUR: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir knight.
[pause]
I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
[pause]
I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to
join me in my Court of Camelot.
[pause]
You have proved yourself worthy; will you join me?
[pause, during all these pauses the black knight just stands there not moving]
You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy.
BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.
ARTHUR: What?
BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.
ARTHUR: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir knight, but I must
cross this bridge.
BLACK KNIGHT: Then you shall die.
ARTHUR: I command you as King of the Britons to stand aside!
BLACK KNIGHT: I move for no man.
ARTHUR: So be it!
[fights for about five seconds]
[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT’s left arm off]
ARTHUR: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
BLACK KNIGHT: ‘Tis but a scratch.
ARTHUR: A scratch? Your arm’s off!
BLACK KNIGHT: No, it isn’t.
ARTHUR: Well, what’s that then?
BLACK KNIGHT: I’ve had worse.
ARTHUR: You liar!
BLACK KNIGHT: Come on you pansy!
[fights for another five seconds]
[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT’s right arm off]
ARTHUR: Victory is mine!
[kneels down to pray]
We thank thee Lord, that in thy merc-
[Black Knight kicks Arthur in the head while he is praying]
BLACK KNIGHT: Come on then.
ARTHUR: What?
BLACK KNIGHT: Have at you!
ARTHUR: You are indeed brave, Sir knight, but the fight is mine.
BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, had enough, eh?
ARTHUR: Look, you stupid bastard, you’ve got no arms left.
BLACK KNIGHT: Yes I have.
ARTHUR: Look!
BLACK KNIGHT: Just a flesh wound.
[Headbutts Arthur in the chest]
ARTHUR: Look, stop that.
BLACK KNIGHT: Chicken! Chicken!
ARTHUR: Look, I’ll have your leg. Right!
[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT’s leg off]
BLACK KNIGHT: Right, I’ll do you for that!
ARTHUR: You’ll what?
BLACK KNIGHT: Come ‘ere!
ARTHUR: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
BLACK KNIGHT: I’m invincible!
ARTHUR: You’re a loony.
BLACK KNIGHT: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you!
Come on then.
[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT’s other leg off. Knight is just a torso on the ground]
ARTHUR: All right; we’ll call it a draw. Come, Patsy.
BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow
bastards! Come back here and take what’s coming to you. I’ll bite
your legs off!
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Oh, yeah, subtitles for the credits (every space is a seperate screen):
Røten nik Akten Di
Wik
Alsø wik
Alsø alsø wik
Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër?
See the løveli lakes
The wøndërful telephøne system
And mäny interesting furry animals
Including the majestik møøse
A møøse once bit my sister…
No realli! She was Karving her initials øn the møøse with the sharpened end
of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge – her brother-in-law -an Oslo
dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: “The Høt Hands of an Oslo
Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink”…
We apologise for the fault in the
subtitles. Those responsible have been
sacked.
Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretty nasti…
We apologise again for the fault in the
subtitles. Those responsible for sacking
the people who have just been sacked,
have been sacked.
[Møøse Trained by YUTTE HERMSGERVØRDENBRØTBØRDA]
[Special Møøse Effects OLAF PROT]
[Møøse Costumes SIGGI CHURCHILL]
[Møøse choreographed by HORST PROT III]
[Miss Taylor’s Møøses by HENGST DOUGLAS-HOME]
[Møøse trained to mis concrete and
sign complicated insurance forms by JURGEN WIGG]
[Møøses noses wiped by BJØRN IRKESTØM-SLATER WALKER]
[Large møøse on the left hand side
of the screen in the third scene from the
end, given a thorough grounding in Latin,
French and ‘O’ Level Geography by BO BENN]
[Suggestive poses for the møøse
suggested by VIC ROTTER]
[Antler-care by LIV THATCHER]
The directors of the firm hired to
continue the credits after the other
people had been sacked, wish it to
be known that they have just been
sacked.
The credits have been completed
in an entirely different style at great
expense and at the last minute
================================================================
MY FAVORITE SCENE:
CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch! We’ve got a witch! A witch!
VILLAGER #1: We have found a witch, might we burn her?
CROWD: Burn her! Burn!
BEDEVERE: How do you know she is a witch?
VILLAGER #2: She looks like one.
BEDEVERE: Bring her forward.
WITCH: I’m not a witch. I’m not a witch.
BEDEVERE: But you are dressed as one.
WITCH: They dressed me up like this.
CROWD: No, we didn’t — no.
WITCH: And this isn’t my nose, it’s a false one.
BEDEVERE: Well?
VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the nose.
BEDEVERE: The nose?
VILLAGER #1: And the hat — but she is a witch!
CROWD: Burn her! Witch! Witch! Burn her!
BEDEVERE: Did you dress her up like this?
CROWD: No, no… no … yes. Yes, a bit, a bit.
VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart.
BEDEVERE: What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.
BEDEVERE: A newt?
VILLAGER #3: I got better.
VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!
CROWD: Burn! Burn her!
BEDEVERE: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether
she is a witch.
CROWD: Are there? What are they? Do they hurt?
BEDEVERE: Tell me, what do you do with witches?
VILLAGER #2: Burn!
CROWD: Burn, burn them up!
BEDEVERE: And what do you burn apart from witches?
VILLAGER #1: More witches!
VILLAGER #2: Wood!
BEDEVERE: So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3: B–… ’cause they’re made of wood…?
BEDEVERE: Good!
CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah…
BEDEVERE: So, how do we tell whether she, is made, of wood?
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEVERE: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #2: Oh, yeah.
BEDEVERE: Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1: No, no.
VILLAGER #2: It floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!
CROWD: The pond!
BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Great gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #2: Mud!
VILLAGER #3: Churches — churches!
VILLAGER #2: Lead — lead!
ARTHUR: A duck.
CROWD: Oooh.
BEDEVERE: Exactly! So, logically…,
VILLAGER #1: If… she.. weighs the same as a duck, she’s made of
wood.
BEDEVERE: And therefore–?
VILLAGER #1: A witch!
CROWD: A witch! A duck! A duck!
BEDEVERE: We shall use my largest scales!
[yelling]
BEDEVERE: Right, remove the supports!
[whop]
[creak]
CROWD: A witch! A witch!
WITCH: It’s a fair cop.
CROWD: Burn her! Burn!
[yelling]
BEDEVERE: Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
ARTHUR: I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
BEDEVERE: My liege!
ARTHUR: Good Sir knight, will you come with me to Camelot,
and join us at the Round Table?
BEDEVERE: My liege! I would be honored.
ARTHUR: What is your name?
BEDEVERE: Bedevere, my leige.
ARTHUR: Then I dub you Sir Bedevere, Knight of the Round Table.
[Narrative Interlude]
NARRATOR: The wise Sir Bedevere was the first to join King
Arthur’s knights, but other illustrious names were soon to follow:
Sir Launcelot the Brave; Sir Galahad the Pure; and Sir Robin the
Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Launcelot who had nearly fought the
Dragon of Agnor, who had nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of
Bristol and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon
Hill; and the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film. Together
they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold
throughout the centuries, the Knights of the Round Table.
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aaaw, you did the cool scene! the witches rock!!!
ok i takes from there then cuz i’m up late and i have homework to do which of course means i have to spend my time otherwise employed *coughtypingmontypythoncough*
Bedevere (B): And that my liege, is how we know the earth to be banana shaped.
KA: This new learning amazes me sir Bedevere! Explain again how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
B: Certainlnevermindg2gparentalunitredalertcuguysinthemorningmaybepossiblygoingnow
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yaaaay we have a monty python thread now. let’s go back in the conversation a bit. let’s um…argue? no..farther back…dueling with metersticks? fun stuff but not when you’re dueling a bully…wikipedia? the curse of civilization (aka everybody but the people that write it) hoom. oh vell. whatever.
guy fawkes day isn’t for a while yet. i don’t really know why i’m commenting on here. maybe just because i can. mwahaha. anyhoo….whatever.
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when is guy fawkes day again? if it already passed, y is the thread still here?
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Kricket, darling,
Are you Brockian Ultra Krikkit (orig. spelling), the insect, the English sport (wicket, etc.) or the regular, world kind? I only wonder out of curiousity. (And satisfaction brought it back, by the way.) Guy Fawkes is Nov. 5th. It’s flamablamablous. Literally.
May your PA go straight,
HM Queen Julietaini the Flamablamablous of Kiador
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