Sometimes called “prejudiced triples,” this game takes an an activity or trait and shows how one’s perception of it changes depending on distance from the speaker. For example:
I am firm. You are stubborn. He is pig-headed.
(That’s the classic example, which we’ve seen attributed to Bertrand Russell, George Bernard Shaw, and someone called K. J. Stavronides.)
On MuseBlog, of course, the gender-specific “he” can be replaced with the gender-noncommital “en.” Here are two recent examples from the original “Conjugation Game” thread:
I am writing my french-history paper. You technically aren’t taking a break from said paper*. En is downloading Disney and AVPM songs and planning to go running.
*Because you haven’t started yet.
I am enjoying my vacation. You are being lazy. En is inanimate.
See how it works?
I listen to country music because of a class I took. You listen to country music because you have unrefined tastes. En listens to country music because they are a bumpkin.
I hope it’s OK to write one in reverse order?
En is smart. You are a genius. I am a MuseBlogger.
I remember this thread. You worship this thread. En is the thread.
I would like to post on this thread. You need to post something incredibly witty on this thread. En feels a fundamental need to be perceived as witty and smart, and takes this out on the Internet.
I am triumphant. You are gloating. En is about to get slapped in the face.
Cooking is not my forte. Your cooking is not great. En sets bagels on fire.
I momentarily lack inspiration. You have writer’s block. En is staring blank-faced at the computer, with absolutely no idea what to type.
I was being silly. You are foolish. En is Mr. Joe.
SFTDP
I was joking. You are tactless. En just got thrown out the window.
I am amusingly balance-challenged. You are clumsy. En is going to die soon.
I appreciate small moments of joy. You are happy by default. En has no regard for solemnity whatsoever.
I am affectionate. You are a flirt. En is shameless.
I am working on gracefulness. You can default to clumsiness. En just dented my trombone!
I have a TARDIS. You possess a portable bathroom. En is playing with a cardboard box.
I am just tired. You are falling asleep. En is a sloth.
I am working at a leisurely pace. You are procrastinating. En is skivving off.
I have to take my Dad to the airport. You are over exaggerating a minor errand. En is skipping class.
I am clearly exceptional. You are average. En is nearing delinquency.
I’m not sure if that works…
*reads again* I’m not sure either… I was trying to make a comment on the thread in general, how there seems to be a pattern that the “I” is doing fine, the “You” is slightly negative, and the “En” is very negative/radical/insert term here.
But if the jump between You and En is too large, then yes, it likely did not work.
If at first you don’t succeed…
I’m only a little late. You are two hours behind. En forgot about it.
(does this work?)
I enjoy doing things by myself. You are an introvert. En… wait, who? I’ve never seen en out.
I am tired. You are exhausted. En is comatose.
I am great in class. You are average. The teacher despairs of ens ability to learn.
(Based on a sad but true tale of a classmate of mine.)
I have good taste. You are picky. En is impossible to please.
I made a catapult. You created something that seems to be able to fling other things around. En built… a sort of stick structure?
I made modern art. You take random objects, put them together, and call it art. En has a broken chair.
(Based on a chair belonging (used to belong?) to a friend of Swalot and me.
Friend (Pandaninja): So I sat down on my chair and this /insert picture of broken chair/ happened!
Me: Modern art indeed.
Swalot: It says “the weight of humanity is crushing me.”)
I am an abstract artist. You can’t draw very well. En is wasting paper.
That third person is me.
Personally I don’t believe any art is a waste of paper, and also, I like the things you’ve drawn. So no, the third person is not you.
…unless you’re talking about something else and have a broken chair right now?
I used this game in one of my essays for the AP English test today…
This is the one I used:
I am a savvy businessman. You are pushing ethical boundaries. He is a filthy money-grubbing weasel.
I am not bounded by present location or time. You are absentminded. En doesn’t know where they are.
I am forlorn. You are miserable. En is having a breakdown.
(I will likely look like En in two weeks. I have been You recently)
They’re supposed to be the same person…
Ah…now I understand. Thank you for the clarification.
I am eating a large meal. You are eating too much. En is pigging out.
I am talented. You are hardworking. En knows how to beat the system.
On the use of paper towels:
I have a towel.
What are you doing with that paper towel?
En is too thrifty to get an actual towel.
I enjoy a wide variety of music. You are not picky when choosing music. En has no taste in music.
I hang out with my friends. You follow your friends wherever they go. En stalks people en thinks are ens friends.
I am eccentric. You have a caffeine problem. En is being carted off to the madhouse as we speak.
I have a good imagination. You are disconnected from reality. En is always spacing out.
I am studying. You are reading your textbook. En has a textbook open to some random page.
I know which one I am at the moment…
I appreciate my amazing friends. You are in love with your friends. En stalks ens friends.
(I’m only the first one, I swear!)
I could be better at geography. You were embarrassed you couldn’t find Indonesia on the world map but are now inspired to study the map better. En was surprised to learn Samoa is a Pacific island and not just a cookie.
I spend most of my time surfing the Internet, occasionally interrupted by lab work. You work at a biology lab at Stanford. En is a scientist at a respected academic institution.
Wow, conjugation in reverse!
Is that in reverse? Haha, I wasn’t quite sure if I was doing it right. I saw it as sort of a zooming-out of perspective.
The classic conjugation game takes exactly the same action or trait from different perspectives, the idea being that you’ll condemn, stigmatize, criticize, or pathologize in others behavior that you justify in yourself. For example: “I am detail-oriented; you are finicky; en is obsessive-compulsive” or “I am imaginative; you are woolly-minded; en lives in ens own little world.” To me, the “you” component is funniest, because the imagined speaker is trying to be vaguely polite but would undoubtedly use the third-person formulation behind the other person’s back.
But the variations on the game are interesting, too. I enjoy them.
I am working on my college applications. You have the Common App open in another tab. En is crying.
I totally know how to respond to this essay prompt. You have less than half a page written. En’s essay consists of the words “please please please let me into U Chicago.”
I have a decent chance of getting into my dream school. You have unrealistic expectations. En is only applying to one school.
I’m keeping my options open by applying to a wide variety of schools. You’re a little scattered. En has no idea what en wants.