Friday, 19 April 2024
Life, the universe, pies, hot-pink bunnies, world domination, and everything
STRATOCATS! *insert suitably stirring theme song*
Description by the artist, KaiYves:
Attached is a drawing inspired by our discussion of Latin names and extreme skydiving on the Random Thread. “Coming soon to Nickelodeon… they’ll go to extremes, save the world, and ALWAYS land on their feet!”
Date: October 26, 2012
Categories: Nonrandom Craziness, Sound and images
One of my cats is a red tabby, but I’m pretty sure neither of them is adventurous enough to be a Stratocat. See for yourselves:
Do those look like cats willing to brave danger, or even slight discomfort?
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You never know, the people who seem harmless are the best secret agents of all… maybe they’ve already been recruited…
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“Quick, Mina! They’ve gone to work. Time to suit up and contact Mission Control!”
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“They?” Is there someone living with you?
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Several Kokonvening MBers have met my long-suffering wife. The cats have decided that she is Mina’s human, and I am Mishmish’s. When I protest that I’m a free being, not someone’s property, they just look smug.
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I’d no idea you were married; I’d congratulate you, but it’s probably quite a bit late. Are any of the other GAPAs?
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We generally don’t discuss things like that here. For MuseBlog purposes, we prefer to be considered artificial intelligences made of electrons.
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That’s fine; I was just curious.
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And as for suitably stirring promo music… perhaps part of the “Breaking the Sound Barrier” instrumental from “The Right Stuff”?
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Okay, since I’ve finally got time on my hands, here’s a promo commercial as if it were a real cartoon series:
A metallic elevator door opens, revealing Felis in a leather jacket surrounded by several serious-looking guards in business suits and sunglasses. They step out onto a catwalk*, with laboratories and workshops containing various forms of crazy spy technology visible all around and below them. Felis looks from side-to-side, astonished and surprised, while the guards only look straight ahead and keep him moving.
*Ha, unintentional pun
Felis: “Uh… this isn’t really a milk company, is it?” ((You can read his lines with or without an accent, I’m not really decided yet.))
Guard: “Everything will be explained in time, Mr. Baumgartner.”
They continue across the catwalk, a room criss-crossed by laser beams visible along one side, a large transparent tube that appears to be a vertical wind tunnel on the other.
They reach the far wall, and one of the guards enters a combination on a side panel and scans his paw-print before the door in front of them slides open. The group moves down a corridor, and to another door where the same thing happens. Felis looks more and more surprised/awed/nervous every moment.
They enter the room, which appears to be an office. A cat in a suit stands behind the desk, beaconing for them to come inside. Two chairs are near the desk, one facing it, one next to it, but with the back facing the entrance.
Spy Boss Guy: “Ah, and this must be Felis. Can I call you Felis?”
Felis: *angrily* “What’s going on here? Who are you people really? I was told–”
The cat in the suit holds up his paw.
Spy Boss Guy: “I know, you’ve got a lot of questions. But first, there’s someone here we want you to meet, and he’ll give you your answers.”
The chair spins around, revealing an older, white-haired cat who stands up. Felis instinctively recognizes him and runs forward in fanboy mode to shake hands with the cat, who stands.
Felis: “Joe Kitten-ger? Hairballs, man, you’re a legend of aviation!”
Joe: *laughs* “You’re pretty impressive yourself. In fact, you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t.†*more seriously* “You’re going to want to sit down, son.”
They both sit.
Joe: “Fifty years ago, I was a *Stratocat*. The best of the best. Flying fighter planes, going on secret missions, testing equipment in extreme conditions, traveling the world, setting records, saving the world from maniacal lunatics, you name it.â€
Montage of younger Kitten-ger (with red hair) doing these things while his voice plays over.
Joe: “I did my part, saved lives, and when it looked like my job was done, I retired. But today, the world’s in danger again. And when Sector 95’s usual agents stopped being enough to handle it, they brought me in to help find and train another Stratocat.â€
“We needed someone willing to push the edge of the envelope. But just courage wasn’t enough, daredevils are a dime-a-dozen.â€
Montage of agents dressed like the guards watching other cats do various extreme sports.
“We looked for a cat who was intelligent, determined and persistent, somebody strong mentally, physically, and morally.â€
Scene of agents watching Felis jump off Statue of Liberty (which is, of course, of a cat-person in this reality).
“Felis Baumgartner, you are that cat.â€
Fade back in to Felis’ surprised face.
Felis: “But I was told, the record…â€
Spy Boss Guy: “Oh, you’ll get your chance at his record. And a lot of others, too. You’ll get everything you were promised. A Sector 95 agent snooping in far-off places, meeting with bigshots, and training with exotic equipment would be suspicious. But an extreme-sports athlete who travels the world performing exhibition stunts for some the Red Tabby company…â€
Felis: *moment of comprehension* “It’s the perfect cover.â€
Spy Boss Guy: “Exactly. So what do you say?â€
Felis: “When do I start?†*smiles*
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So, it’s SWAT Kats + Max Steel + Batman Beyond, basically.
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