Sometimes a little mayhem is just the thing to clear away the cobwebs and banish the winter doldrums. And to put you in the mood, Robert has written a new marching song to a tune we’re sure you all know:
Can you hear the music swell with a quasi-martial sound?
Hear the shouting and the laughter as the Musers rally ‘round?
When the sloshing in your guts echoes the splatting of our tins,
There will be chaos on the blog when the fight begins!You must agree the world can see how sick to death you are
Of endless woes on Rants and Plaints and maudlin R&R,
So join our ranks and bid your angst au revoir!In our stain-resistant suits, with our weapons raised on high,
We are indomitable warriors who are not afraid to pie!
See the ballistic pastry soar, hear how it whistles as it spins –
There will be filling everywhere when the fight begins![reprise]
We are fairly well-behaved and convinced that war is wrong,
But we know that we’ll go crazy if we put it off too long.
Though it makes a royal mess, and it’s hard to say who wins,
It will be such a big relief when the fight begins!
*pies Robert*
Ho! The Pie Skirmish!
Pumpkin, custard, or cherry,
Fling, and be merry.
*pies galore*
Arrr, hoist with my own petard!
Hrmm… I thought you were administrator of Museblog, not of pies!
All four of us are, in fact, Lords of the Pies.
Red! The filling of cherry pie,
Black! The dark of angst that’s past,
Red! A pastry about to fly,
Black! The pies that are flung at last!
Had you been on this thread you might know how it feels
To be struck to the face in a moment of breathless cream (white).
Had you been on this thread you might also have known
How your day can be changed in just one pastry fight,
And what was fruit seems cream,
And what was pie takes flight.
Lovely pastry! Fling a bit my way!
Give me carbs and calories to brighten up my day.
Lovely pastry, flying through the air,
Plugging up my nose and mouth and gluing down my hair…
*Swoops over battlefield in jet wingpack, firing pie gun*
“SPARTAAAAA! Or, I guess, MUSICAAAAAAAA!”
THIS…IS… MUSEBLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!
*pies in return*
The perfect opportunity to test the latest version of my dynamite pie filling. Luckily I made a huge batch last night. The chocolate-avocado mousse version. Fill up your crusts! (And let me know what happens when you fling them.)
((This is possibly the best thing I have ever read.))
((I hope Jadestone joins us, but she’ll have to watch out for the vegetarians and vegans on the thread. Irish pies tend to contain meat.))
Yessss!
If I knew any songs with the right lyrics
You can bet that I’d rework ’em in a way that’d stick
But I’m not good at that stuff
Although I’ve pied it enough
So instead, here, have this limerick
I swoop onto the field armed with my pies
Kai Yves I engage in battle among the skies
A zeppelin with a pie cannon is my car
I strafe all comers, near and far
Engaging me in battle isn’t wise.
~[}
((For anyone who doesn’t recognize them, most of the lyrics on this thread so far have been based on songs from “Les Miserables.”))
((Oh, is THAT where they’re from?))
((Aye, starting with the marching song at the top. Think “Do you hear the people sing, …”))
*hiding in a bush* Hehehehe… Wonder how long it’ll take then to find me? *throws a fresh-backed apple-and-firecracker pie* Not long, I expect!
Well, as nobody else is testing Rosanne’s avocado-chocolate-mousse filling, I suppose I’ll give it a try. I’ll just ladle it into this empty large-caliber shell, so… and stick it into this mortar… and send it about 200 feet straight up. Three, two one — go!
…..
…..
Whoa.
…..
WOW.
I wish I’d worn earplugs for that one. Sunglasses, too. And sunblock!
I wonder what activates it. Change in pressure? It can’t be that different at such a low altitude — better hope a storm front doesn’t pass through before we can use it up. Of course, Rosanne did say that its behavior is highly variable and unpredictable, so it might do something completely different next time someone tries it.
I swerve, dodging blasts from FantasyFan’s pie cannons.
“Cake it, you’re good!” I shout, seeking the momentary shelter at the top of the airship, directly opposite the gondola. With the gas bag between FF and me, she can’t see me, much less shoot, which gives me time to think… But how to get down without being seen?
Before I can think of an answer, the avocado-chocolate shell explodes below us, shaking the airship and knocking me into a head-over-heels plunge over it’s starboard side, spinning wildly. Blinded and tumbling, I struggle to regain control…
((Oops. Sorry!))
((Don’t worry, Monsieur Rossy has trained me quite well…))
Suddenly, a person just barely too far away to recognize falls into my line of sight. Must have been that explosion. I think to myself. That boom was huge! It must have been something meant to explode, not like my pie where the explosion is just a means to an end. Just as I think this, I realize that the figure I’m watching is falling straight into my own pie’s trajectory. Oh dear… I think. But luckily my pie explodes a few yards away and a few yards up, not close enough to harm the falling figure (though the direction of ens fall was slightly altered). The explosion sends many apple-scented light displays high into the sky in dazzling red and green. Now if only it were dark enough to really appreciate them. I think.
Meanwhile, back on the ground…
Hm, maybe I should have let Rosanne’s filling finish cooling before I launched it. Or maybe it needs lower altitudes or slower accelerations to work properly. There’s not much point in a pie that goes supernova in mid-air.
It wasn’t very considerate of Rosanne to dump the stuff here and then wander off without explaining how to use it. Oh, well, nothing to be done but try another experiment, I guess.
Does anyone else want to give it a go?
ASK AND YE SHALL RECIEVE
*flings irish butter pies any which direction*
OOOHHHH, the year was twenty thousand and thirteen,
How I wish I was in Kokino now
A fine decree came from a high Muse
Calling us all to pay our dues
Oh cake them all!
I was told we’d travel Kokino for Bo’s fine doughnuts
We’d fling no pies, never have to kneel
Now I’m a wretched blogger on a Musican field
The last of Koko’s who pasty-weild
Oh, and Craw did cry to the town
How I wish I was in Kokino now
For brave musers all warriors who
Would make for them a fighting crew
Oh cake them all!
I was told we’d travel Kokino for Feather’s fine doughnuts
We’d fling no pies, never have to kneel
Now I’m a wretched blogger on a Musican field
The last of Koko’s who pasty-wield
The battlefield was a sickening sight
How I wish I was in Kokino now
With filling everywhere covering the land
And piles of discarded old pie tins
Oh cake them all!
I was told we’d travel Kokino for Feather’s fine doughnuts
We’d fling no pies, never have to kneel
Now I’m a wretched blogger on a Musican field
The last of Koko’s who pasty-wield
On the fourteenth of July a skirmish was declared
How I wish I was in Kokino now
We were only a few minutes in
When the first pieing began
Oh cake them all!
I was told we’d travel Kokino for Feather’s fine doughnuts
We’d fling no pies, never have to kneel
Now I’m a wretched blogger on a Musican field
The last of Koko’s who pasty-wield
On the third day I found myself in midst
How I wish I was in Kokino now
When a great big bang rand through the night
A chocolate-avacado call to fight
Oh cake them all!
I was told we’d travel Kokino for Feather’s fine doughnuts
We’d fling no pies, never have to kneel
Now I’m a wretched blogger on a Musican field
The last of Koko’s who pasty-wield
The pies did fly as I joined in
How I wish I was in Kokino now
But I began to bake and held my ground
And soon enough, my pies rained down!
Oh cake them all!
I was told we’d travel Kokino for Bo’s fine doughnuts
We’d fling no pies, never have to kneel
Now I’m a wretched blogger on a Musican field
The last of Koko’s who pasty-weild
Then at length the ground was thick with crusts
How I wish I was in Kokino now
The zeplin’s roared from high above
But with one great pastry they too dove
Oh cake them all!
I was told we’d travel Kokino for Feather’s fine doughnuts
We’d fling no pies, never have to kneel
Now I’m a wretched blogger on a Musican field
The last of Koko’s who pasty-wield
I stood and fought as the feild rocked
How I wish I was in Kokino now
When a chance cherry-cement
Hit home and took my hand
Oh cake them all!
I was told we’d travel Kokino for Feather’s fine doughnuts
We’d fling no pies, never have to kneel
Now I’m a wretched blogger on a Musican field
The last of Koko’s who pasty-wield
Now I lay here in my 21st year
How I wish I was in Kokino now
it’s only been 3 days since war was decreed
and already I’ve sustained injury
Oh cake them all!
I was told we’d travel Kokino for Feather’s fine doughnuts
We’d fling no pies, never have to kneel
Now I’m a wretched blogger on a Musican field
The last of Koko’s who pasty-wield…
[rough but gotta head out! This is fun! I’ll be back with more later–injured, but not out yet!]
(for anyone that doesn’t know this song, go listen to “Berrett’s Privateers” right now because it’s really good and this goes much better to the tune than alone)
((Is it just me, or is this skirmish more literary than most?))
I regain sight and control of the jetpack just in time to watch an apple-scented pie whiz by below me and explode in miniature fireworks. Impressive.
Instead of the parachute toggle I was preparing to reach for a moment ago, I hit the thruster button once more and regain some altitude. I hear a familiar scream from below and see Jadestone lying on the ground, her throwing arm wounded.
I turn for a closer look, forming a plan for how best to preform an impromptu medical evacuation if it comes to that.
“Need some help?” I shout.
I don’t fully understand the chocolate-avocado mousse’s properties. What I do know is that rapid acceleration in close proximity to pie crust triggers volatile behavior, sometimes explosions but not always. On one occasion strains of musicals released into the air. On another, a flock of badminton birdies took flight.
The mousse is also an amazingly effective healing salve when you rub it on injuries. Just don’t rub it on yourself and rapidly accelerate unless you’re sure there’s no crust close by.
So I’ll just take some of this mousse over to Jadestone to speed her recovery.
Hm. I wonder if the mousse reacts only when accelerating independently, or if its acceleration relative to the crust causes a reaction as well. Let’s try it out.
We’ll spread a bit of the mousse on this nice, unsuspecting rock here…back up a few hundred meters–good thing I’ve got a pie slingshot ready. Now, we’ll load an empty crust into the tin, and….
*thwing*
*FWLOOOM*
…*eeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEBRNCKHSH*
Good gosh. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a boulder fly straight up like that. Wait, weren’t there some shrubs around it before?
Its healing properties may come in very handy, I suspect.
*Writes in battered remains of laboratory notebook: Acceleration relative to the crust causes a reaction as well.*
I raise an eyebrow on hearing the second explosion. “Great Muses, what kinds of pies are they throwing.” I’m startled into saying out loud to myself. “Well, if explosions are all the rage now… Perhaps my little applecracker was the wrong way to go.” I take out a notebook and look through some calculations. “Yes, this should be ready for its first test-run.” I take out a large jar of a suspicious, light yellow, foamy substance. Taking out an empty pie shell, I scoop some of the foam into it, smoothing it down until the pie is of even depth. I place a sprig of mint in the center of the pie with a fresh raspberry on top. I put away my “cooking” supplies, take out a pencil, and throw the pie as hard as I can. Then I just sit back and wait, notebook at the ready.
*Eats spoon after spoon of partially defrosted wild blueberries that were meant for a pie.*
These are soooo good. I’m too blissed out to wage pie war. For the moment.