*Round-Robin ‘Riting, a MuseBlog tradition in which MBers take turns writing a story.
Continued from Part 2, which pwns, according to Pentatonikk. (It’s the one about the afareet.) You can read the whole story so far on the RRR 2006.1.3 Reference Text.
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The RRR just pwns in general. Even though i haven’t been doing it
lol jk
1-agrred
I had an idea for an RRR spinoff, where one Muser posts a single word, and then another Muser posts a word that fits in with the last one.
Let’s try it out here, so the GAPAs can decide if it would make a good thread.
I’ll go first.
When
[KZAP,
Thanks for compiling the story! The text was so long that I’ve moved it to the RRR 2006.1.3 Reference Text. –Robert]
Ish. That’s long. Anybody wanna do a summary for those who are too lazy to read the whole thing?
I read the whole thing a while ago. I still keep an edited copy of it in my folder. Yay me :). I wasn’t part of the origanal writing group, but I did help with the second one a lot. Ah, I miss that one. I wih we had a thread continued from that to. *hintyhintyhinty*
You might want one of the origanal writers to do that. I’ll go back and see if I can find the Character descriptions though, if that might help.
Well I can’t find the origanal. I found various part twos and threes and fours and “talk like a pirate day” but no part one. So I’m going to search some more. I’f I’m not back by next tuesday, send a search party.
Well the origanal was a story about Veronica, and deffinatly not the one I just re-read. So I’m off to try again. *gulp*
And Round-Robin ‘Riting, with Rules seems to be endless lists of rules. And the last comment on the page is talking about what kind of plot the’re going to use. Not much promice there. Now to try Round-Robin ‘Riting Free Form.
Nope. Story about Matt and Lotis. Well then the only other one i can find is ‘Round-Robin ‘Riting’ v. 2006.1, The story of the afareet, continued. But where is it continued from? Gah, here I go again.
I FOUND THEM!!! Will post them in a sec.
Character list:
MAJOR
Adela
Ruby
Archell
Ehmer
Feng
MINOR
Athanath
Achmet
Kitsune
Akkavish
Issy
Stella
Zelda
Hazel
Rex
Nanook
Not sure where Leah goes. I’m guessing at Major?
Types of Afareets:
-Dark Afareets(i.e. Akkavish)
General Powers:Invisibility at night, manuplation of darkness.
Weaknesses: Depending on their power levels, they become weak at certain times of day and when they are exposed to bright light.
-Fire Afareet(i.e. Kitsune)
General Powers: Manuplation of fire, resistence to heat
Weaknesses:Weakend when exposed to water or cold temperatures
-Sand Afareet(i.e. Achmet)
General Powers:Manuplation of sand, vocal powers.
Weaknesses: In very cold and wet weather, their powers greatly weaken, and they will possibly die. This is why they hang around deserts all the time.
-Chaos Afareet(i.e. Apepihotep)
General Powers:Many and varied. It usually depends on who their parents are.
Weaknesses:Since chaos Afareet tend to be dragons, they will be killed if they are hit in the stomach without magical protection.
-Light Afareet(i.e. Nigel)
General Powers:They can create blinding flashes of light, and teleport themselves over short distances.
Weaknesses:Their powers diminish at night, especially if there is a new moon
-Ice Afareet(i.e.Nestea)
General Powers:Control over rain, snow, sleet, hail, and other things that happen in cold weather.
Weaknesses: Warm weather weakens their powers.
-Water Afareet(i.e.Mokala)
General Powers:Manuplation of water, limited shapshifting.
Weaknesses: Power diminishment in exposure to intense heat and dryness.
-Wind afareet (i.e. Feng)
Rarest type of afareet, due to their intense persecution by the Powers about 500 years ago and that the “gene” that controls wind afareet powers appears to be recessive. In other words, you need two wind afareet parents to be a wind afareet. Very few are still alive, and most of them are closely related. This makes it likely that the wind afareets will die out soon if some sort of solution is not found.
General powers- Manipulation of wind and air. Usually shift into bird form when animals.
Weaknesses- Most are claustrophobic, and their powers are greatly diminished if in an enclosed space.
[that last one was added in later, for Feng. Others may have made more types too- Jadestone]
ADELA
Powers: Her main strength lies in healing, but since her birthday falls on a auspicious date, she has recently gained abilities in its flip side, destruction. She can focus her power through her finger or through her new wings opened up by Athanath’s spell. The wings also allow her to fly short distances and hover.
Weaknesses: Her power is new, unpredictable, and hard to control. Athanath can hazard some guesses at what she can do, but no one really knows. She has to figure it out as she goes along, which can cause nasty mishaps at crucial moments. Her wings can only be opened up by slashing her back with an athame (magical knife)
Virtues: She’s very smart and good at figuring problems and puzzles out. She can be brave when called on to.
Faults: She tends to worry. Because she thinks so far ahead, simple solutions often aren’t obvious to her. She also isn’t good at hurting people when she has to. All those years with only healing magic.
Background: She is part afreet, but not fully. Her powers come more from her birthday than her heritage. Darkish hair, hazel eyes.
She has a merlin tattooed on her back, which can change into wings.[Aparently this part was cut out. I’m going to borrow the GAPA style of commenting here so you know when it’s me- Jadestone]ACHMET
Powers: He has vocal powers similar to Rubies. He also can control sand, and sandstorms. He can go for long periods without water
Weaknesses: He is not particularily strong for and afareet. Virtues:Feircly loyal to his few friends(such as Zelda)
Faults:He is very arrogant and sometimes overeager to prove himself. This comes from the fact that he is very young for an afareet(500 years or so). He is also jealous of the girls, which is why he was so mean to Adella in when he was supposed to watch over her in his time as Alfred. He tends to get out of control when his older brother is around.
Backround: Full sand afareet. His animal form is a giant lynx-like cat with sandy fur and amber eyes. His human form is a tan skined boy with sandy hair and amber eyes. His older brother, Apepihotep, joined the powers soon before they killed his parents. And of course the powers told Apepihotep that it was Achmet. So they both hate each other. He is Ruby’s uncle, in case you haven’t noticed.
RUBY
History of Ruby:
she is half Chaos afreet and half nature spirit. Her father, Apepihotep, joined the powers after her mother died in childbirth from having Ruby.
Afreet shape: a small red and black dragon. She can’t breathe fire yet because she has to eat silicon, diamond, or platinum and she hates the taste of the stuff, which she had once. Grew up in an orphanage.
Ruby has long, streaked, dark red hair, and her eyes are so dark you can’t tell the pupil from the iris without looking hard. She is of average hieght but is rather too skinny.
—Adela’s cousin’s name is Andrew. Her parents were killed by the Force (servants of the Powers.) They meant to kill Adela(because of that whole birthday thingie), but Athanath shielded her and sent Achmet to watch over her as her “cousin”, Andrew. An aging deer afreet took care of them. Adela was told that her parents died in a mass shooting. Why did Athanath let Adela’s parents die? We shall check out her handy-dandy character profile for that.—
ATHANATH
Background: She is the last of the Great Makers, the rulers of Aebvoraena, the magical world of afreet. All of the other Great Makers died in battle with the Powers. There are a few Lesser Makers still out there, but they are basically very old, ageless, afreet without animal forms. (Most afreet age, just veeery slooowly.)
An important note on Athanath: She is not human. She doesn’t really feel empathy or sorrow. Athanath won’t kill needlessly, but she will let people die.
Powers: She has immense power as one of the Makers. She can domost things in the realm of magic, but augmenting the magic of others and shielding people are her specialties. However, she refuses to use her power for most purposes other than helping young mages and fighting the Powers.
Weaknesses: Her magical abilities are diminished when iron touches her body.
Virtues: Wisdom.
Faults: See “Important Note” in background.
AKKAVEESH
Powers:She can control darkness, actually making it solid. She can also meld with shadow(this is how she choked Ruby) She has the power to become invisible at night, though this is limited during the day. She can take the pain away from wounds, though she cannot heal.
Weaknesses:Her powers diminish between 12 noon and 1 in the afternoon.
Virtues: She is very wise and carrying; she is close friends with Celentra. She is good at keeping a cool head in tough situations.
Faults:She tends to get overly-worried and stressed, especially about other people.
Backround: Akkaveesh is one of the oldest and most powerful afareet. Her exact age is uncertain, but she is more than four thousand. She was born in Judea. Her animal form is a spider. Her human form is a tall tan-skinned woman with violet eyes and black hair. She has a spiderweb tatooed on her back.
Maybe, since the girls power is given by Celentra, they should discover their animal forms early.
Sorceror-also called gifted. “Humans”(more or less) with afareet blood. They usually don’t discover their animal form till their 1,000 or so.
KITSUNE
Powers:He can control fire, and is impervious to flame.
Weakness: His power is greatly diminished if you get him wet, and he is almost powerless if you drop him in water.
Virtues: Kitsune is quick and clever, and good at figuring things out.
Faults:He has an insufferable sense of humor, and he enjoys playing practical jokes on everybody. He is also very impatient.
Backround:Not much is known about Kitsune. His human form is a red haired boy with pale skin, and his animal form is a red fox with a gold tail tip and paws. He was born in Japan.
ISSY,ZELDA, STELLA, HAZEl
Powers- sorcerers, can control things with their minds, telepathy, other unknown powers.. oh, and controlof all elements! Issy is the most powerful, then Stella, then Zelda and Hazel. Issy has a lot more powers than her sisters, and is prophecized to save the land of her people one day. also she can sort of borrow other peoples powers if she wants to… actually they all can do that…
Weaknesses- dead animal fur for all of them. Issy, if she gets mad she can’t control herself or her powers at all. not a good person to pick a fight with. she has accidentally hurt innocent people by getting angry… Hazel, Zelda, and Stella’s weaknesses include dead animal fur and the leaves of the pinappa tree
Virtues- great friends to have by your side. very loyal to their people and the afareets, and the girls. will stand by your side in battle and save you even if it means death.
Faults- Issy gets angry easily and can’t control herself, and her sisters are impatient and sometimes make unwise decisions (that’s why they have Issy with them)
Background- they come from Consket the city of gold and silver, are used to living in luxury and going to war. Issy is about 550 years old around Achmet’s age, Zelda is around 590 or so, and Stella and Hazel are around 570. Issy is the smallest, youngest, and probably the most powerful. Issy has pale milky white skin, violet eyes, and long creamy white hair. Zelda has jet black hair, pale skin, and red eyes. Stella has cresent moon eyes, milky white hair, and pale creamy skin. Hazel has light brown skin, hazel nut hair and hazel eyes.
ARCHELL
Powers- control of weather (rain snowstorms etc…) and telepathy, master of languages (let’s let all of them have like the power of using different languages without knowing it)
Weaknesses- ummmmm…… she is allergic to some of the potions used in battle as weapons so they hurt her badly
Virtues- great friend, very smart, good at math… very loyal, and will help out with practically anything
Faults- she is a bit of a show off, and she is like a trouble magnet
Background- comes from modern day Earth, used her powers too much so she gets in trouble a little, and lived in modern day Michigan.
EHMER (EH-merr)
Powers- I’ll come back to this one. Atm, I’m thinking of metal/fire, but we’ll see.
Weaknesses- sort of dependant on the powers…
Personality – Ehmer doesn’t like beating around the bush. He comes right out and says things that he often shouldn’t, but can usually convince people he doesn’t mean them. The other afareets would know that he has a dark sense of humor and can be a bit crude sometimes.
Virtues- Ehmer is very clever. Maybe he’ll run into a situation without thinking sometimes, but he’s very good at thinking on his feet.
Faults- Perhaps it’s because he’s one of the few boys, but Ehmer feels like he’s responsible for just about everything. Anything that goes wrong is his fault, according to him. He’s quick to anger and even quicker to stay angry, but can be incredibly protective and understanding as well.
Background – Ehmer just kind of showed up one day. He tells anyone who asks that his past life wasn’t very interesting at all and that he doesn’t want to talk about it, which is very true.
NESTEA
Powers:Manuplation of cold weather and precipatation.
Weaknesses: She is weakened conciderably when she is exposed to heat.(This is why Kitsune and her don’t get along so well, besides the fact that they have conflicting personalities.)
Virtues:Nestea never stops to worry about a situation, she just does what she can to fix it.
Faults:She acts a little too cold and aloof from everybody, and has almost no sense of humor.
Backround:Nestea is an ice afareet. As a human, she is a tall, pale skinned young woman with milk white hair tinged with blue, and ice blue eyes. (I know they were gold in the original story, but at first I thought she was going to be a light afareet. Things change.) She is originally from North America
LEAH
Powers: Something to do with fire and dancing. No one’s really sure how those two combined, and probably never will. Virtues: She’s headstrong, has common sense, and can not panic in most situations. Good dancer.
Faults: She has a problem with accidently burning things up, which is a bit annoying. She’s snappish and takes pleasure in annoying people, doesn’t like being helpful, has an easily ignited temper and is rather antisocial. Hooray for angst.
Background: Ran away from her normal family because they didn’t like her. That or because they were fed up with her burning the soup and lighting things on fire.
Phys. Appearance: shoulder length darkish red hair with a mind of it’s own, pale skin, short and thin.[ Sorry all. Aparently Leah was cut out, but I couldn’t bring myself to delete all that.-Jadetone] [Good thing too. Aparently she’s back in t story now. This is getting confuzing.-Jadestone]
REX
Powers–Rex is a illusionists. His power is to make things seem to be a certain way, although most of the things do not exist. He can make his illusions become real, and he is much older than the girls. He was originally from a mysterious land called Lionheath, where the great SpellKeeper lies, keeping spells and spell makers at bay. He is also the creature summoner, able to summon creatures from around the globe for his use. He is very proud and stubborn at times, but is a quick thinker and can be nice. He does not know anything on the subject of weather control, and he is not distorted by love life if that is something u peoples were wondering about.
NANOOK
Powers:Nanook can call up incredibly strong ice storms. He used to be able to freeze his opponents solid.
Weaknesses:As all ice Afreet, he weakens when he is exposed to heat. However, he has been steadily weakening for the past few decades. Why? See his backround story.
Virtues: He loved his family very much.
Faults: He hates humans.
Backround: Nanook swore to never take human form again, and joined the powers after hunters killed his family. However, not taking human form has consequences for afareet. It causes steadily weakening of powers an sences because the afareet’s sole is slowly rotting. Also, this causes periods of madness. If prolonged, it can eventually kill.
[Okay, I think that’s everything. That took a while. And no ofence to anyone I may have left out or gotten somthing wrong. I was not part of the origanal writing, and copied most of this stuff. Feel free to change stuff that I got wrong. Thank you- Jadestone]
And here’s Zallies sumery for the first half:
Summary: So, there’s this bunch of kids, right? And a lot of them have really obvious magic powers and it’s a wonder that no one’s discovered them. One day, a little girl makes it snow a lot, so the principal of the school is all ‘ZOMG, you guys will have to stay overnight, except the non-magic kids will have to go home.’ So, the magic kiddies stay at school over night, deal with a polar bear, having their magic powers taken away and lots of different writing styles, before being taken to a magical kingdom, where more magic people are. They’re about to get a ‘damn explination’ about this whole thing.
That’s the only one i’ve found so far, and now my eyes hurt form reading all those threads. I need to stop for a while…
Who ever thought that Achmet sounded arabic was wrong. very. there is no “ch” sound in arabic only a “sh”. It might sound persian or something though.
Turkish, maybe.
You already know this, FF, but for the record:
Arabic does have a sound like the “ch” in the the German “ach” or the Scottish “loch,” though. It’s usually transliterated “kh.” Many people think the Arabic name “Ahmed” must contain that sound (Akhmed), but it doesn’t. Other people, including many radio announcers, assume the h in Ahmed is silent (“Ommed”), which isn’t true, either.
In addition to kh, Arabic has two h-like sounds, which can occur at the end of a syllable in the middle of a word (though h never does that in English). The
softerharder of those, which soundslikedeeper and hissier than our h, is the one in Ahmed.Cool. I know next to nothing about Arabic. But that is the good part of this site. I’m allways learning new things. Or at least thats the part I use with my parents…
nononononono! Ahmed is with a Ha, the hard h sound. kh is a guttaral, most people have lots of trouble pronouncing it. including my mom. the soft one is heh.
Right you are. It’s Hah, the “pharyngeal consonant” (along with ‘ain and ghain). I was thinking of… well, never mind. I’ve made the correction. Still, even pronouncing Ahmed with a heh would be better than the way Americans usually do it.
all those harsh letters cause so much trouble with english speakers…
It’s true. My throat was sore for a month after I started I studying Arabic. I felt really proud when I finally learned to pronounce them.
I wouldnt know. I started learning them when i was 4-5-6 years old. altho quranic arabic is a lot harder.
My mum speaks arabic. Or at least she used too. Now my sister’s learning it. She comes home and starts discussing it with Mum and I try to imitate the sounds. It’s hard but I like the way it sounds.
Anyone heard of the singer Khaled? His song Aicha is awesome, but you have to hear the french/arabic version, not the english translation. It starts out in french and then switches to arabic, and then back and forth between the two. Listen to and see if you can tell where he makes the switch!
Can I start an RRR on this particular thread? Cuase it doesn’t look like anyone has. Ahem,
“All set.” Marka said. “Great.” Cole replied clasping the hooks on his backpack. “Are you ready?” “Close enough.” She replied. He laughed. “Where’s Gina?” “She’s in the bathroom getting ready.” Gina stepped out of the bathroom. “All set. Lets climb that mountain.
I really wish I could write more but I really have to go. So Bye!!!
I think that this one is a continuation of the Afareet, not a new story. Am I right?
no, theres already a story for it. who is celentra? nothing is mentioned about adelas wings in the story so far. they were just learning to do wards.
ehmer was going invisible in the story, so his powers are probably related to that. right?
I am back. Okay…
They got in Cole`s jeep and drove off. They reached the mountain bottom at 4:00. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Cole asked Marka. “Definitley. I`ve been waiting for this for years.”
They pulled on thier backpacks and headed toword Mt. Wafiper
It was snowing heavily and Marka was thinking about how white it must be at the top. She couldn`t wait to find out.
THERES ANOTHER STORY FOR THIS THREAD. didnt you see?!
Attention, All Who Do Read These Letteres
This thread is a continuation of the afareet story. You can read our story so far on RRR 2006.1.3 Reference Text. If you want to start a new RRR, you’ll have to do that in a different thread.
Some notes, since I might be the only one on this thread who’s been writing this thing since the beginning:
-Celentra was a character sort of like Athanath, who was in the very old version and hadn’t appeared since we had a better idea of what we were doing. I was never too clear on who she was myself.
-Adela’s wings were also in the very old version (henceforth abbreviated to VOV), and were cut in the new one.
-Ehmer does illusions, mostly, so that’s why he was going transparent. None of the MCs have been formally trained, so he can’t stop himself from doing it. He preobably barely notices.
-Rex isn’t in the story. No one ended up writing him, and it would be rather awkward to introduce him now. The same goes for Mokala and Kitsune: they make small appearances, but they’re not as important as we first thought them to be.
-I wouldn’t say that Feng is a MC. He’s got a lot to do, along with Nestea and the SorcerSisters, but Our Heroes are more the kids (i.e., Ruby, Adela, Leah, Archell, and Ehmer).
Any other questions before we start writing again? (And thank you so much, OEAD, for making this thread.)
Who is this werecat, anyway? (Question directed mostly at Kricket.) He seems sorta like a replacement for Achmet, who, if you’ll forgive my saying so, had a better name. (‘Achmet’ or ‘werecat’? Come on.)
30- No, thamks for telling me! I’ll make it into my own story.
30- Sorry about that…
31- I really didn’t write all that myself, those were the charrie descriptions I found in the old thread. I wasn’t part of the writing then, tho I do hope to be now.
This is NOT a newbie-friendly environment.
no kidding. the part two was still on the main page when i was a newbie. i was very confoosed.
I think i have everything figured out.
The prophecy: ‘Before Order might reign free, the Adversaries must be vanquished. They shall come from sand, and be born of Fire, Air, Vision, Life, and Doom. Guard well thine gates, lords of Cosmos, for from below and from above shall they come to claim dominion and shatter Law. And stone shall burn, and thunder will be heard in clear sky, and those who would be healed shall be wounded, and seen shall be the unexisting. When Chaos-child vanquishes Chaos-lord, then shall the Cosmos be torn asunder.’
The main characters: ruby, ehmer, adela, leah, and archell. they are the adversaries mentioned in the prophecy.
Ruby: A chaos afreet. can do disglamours. she has a pentegram from her parents that senses power. its important, but how?im guessing shes the power of doom, and the chaos-child too.
Ehmer: the powr of vision. he keeps on going partially invisible, and mite not notice. he talks dirty but hes really a good guy. he has power over illusions, and possibly disglamours. he can see right thru them. “and seen shall be the unexisting” is his part in the prophecy. it might be interesting to have hom go invisble and have everyobne look for hom.
Adela:claustrophobic. A healer, i think the power of life. ‘and those that would be healed shall be wounded.” im guessing she also learns to hurt, not just heal. has a special birthday.
Leah: the power of fire. she has to control her power or burn everyone. nasty temper, but but still kind. ‘and stone shall burn’ wow.
Archell: the power of air, she has control over all weather. snooty. ‘and thunder shall come from the clear sky’
“They shall come from sand” possibly a reference to the sandstone fortress?
lets hope this turns out well. start writing!
Aww, RRR! I’d forgotten about this thing! Looking back at this, Ehmer’s a really interesting character (and I like what you guys have done with him since I left), I’m going to have to stick him in a story some time.
Maybe this thread should continue, but another Round Robin ‘Riting should be started for people who haven’t been around since the Dark Ages. Whatcha think, guys, gals & GAPAs?
How about we bring back RRR version 2006.2? That was really getting somewhere…but no one writes on it anymore. How sad. *snibble*
38 (FF)- You and everyone else on the blog can help us, so long as you have some idea what the characters are like. (Jadestone’s descriptions she compiled are useful for this, as is the reference text.)
Captain Cynomis-san- We’re trying to make the RRR more accessible to newbies by posting all this reference material. Especially in the summer, when a lot of us are going to be gone, we need someone to keep the story going. (Also, Phoenix and Kricket, who did a lot of our writing, haven’t been around recently. Or I haven’t seen them, anyway.) If you have questions, post them here. Whenever we get a new thread, it always takes a while for the actual story to get going.
The OEADs may be reluctant to make a new RRR, since whenever those start up, they are inevitably abandoned. (Look at RRR w/R, RRR FF, RRR.2, .3, and .4…)
That does seem to be the pattern.
Yeah. It mostly has somthing to do with the way they float off the main page, I think. Anyway, I’d like to help writ if no one minds I’ve also been having one of my really good friends who loves to write read this story, although she is currenty mad at the lot of you for not continuing it. She doesn’t get muse, but I have a subscription card to give her the next time I see her. Would it be all right with you all if she came on early to help write? She’s really good.
44 (JS)- Oh, definitely, for both of you. I’ve seen your writing, and it’s quite good. I at least would be happy to have you and your friend join our RRR team. As stated before, any MBer with a decent knowledge of the characters can write. Thankies and cookies for helping out! *hugs Jadestone*
I dnot know if ill be able to write, but ill certainly come up with ideas!
Okay! I’m just gonna re-read the story now(I’m headed to the eye docter. New contacts and such) so when I finish I’ll post a bit of story. I’ll tell my friend to. But now, the important question: Do we have a plot? Or do we just sort of write?
I read the reference text, but I’d probably be more able to participate if some of the old-timers went first. I think the rest of the newbies would agree.
I agree with 48- I didn’t participate in the first RRR…I’m about half-way through it right now…
47 (JS)- We have a sort of plot we’re following, but stuff is added in and deleted all the time. Even my edited version is different from the unedited stuff: I’ve put some stuff in for clarity, mostly involving Achmet/werecat.
48 (Cynomys)- Sure. I’ll start. Feel free to ask more questions even while the story’s going on, though. This is referenced off Nestea’s asking Ruby to teach disglamours.
“Well,” said Ruby slowly, “I repeat something to myself, and then it just happens. There’s no better way to explain.” She was a little wary of giving up her secret that she’d guarded for so long to these only possibly friendly strangers, but she supposed she had no choice.
As Ruby had expected she would, Nestea said, “What do you say?”
“‘I am nothingness and void.'” Even as she told Nestea, Ruby’s voice took on an odd chanting tone. Nestea nodded.
“Practice that,” she told the rest of the group.
Obediently, Adela began repeating the phrase over and over in her head. As she spoke it to herself, she felt her power rising from its green pool between her ribs and settling somewhere else–she wasn’t quite sure of the location.
I am nothingness an–
Suddenly, she was exploding with pain. Green power flooded her body, opening up old cuts that had long since healed over. Blood poured out of more places than she could count, spilling all over the floor. Unable to do anything else, Adela began to scream, clamping her hands around her chest to try to hold it all in before she died.
“It’s not supposed to do that!” she heard Feng yell.
“Ruby! What have you–” This was Salimila; Adela could feel the electricity in the room spark dangerously, adding to the excruciation.
“It wasn’t her! Nothing’s happening to the rest of us!” said Leah, defending the other girl stubbornly.
“Someone help her,” croaked Archell. She was staring at all the gore covering the slate tiles, seemingly frozen.
And then, slowly, it ended. Adela felt cool hands on her forehead, and another pair on her back. Nestea and Feng. The former was looking at the latter with something in her eyes, something worried. “Does that happen to you?”
“No. It’s not supposed to happen to anyone.” He sounded puzzled, and a little tired as he put more of his energy into stabilizing Adela.
“It must be her, then,” said Salimila, pulling the sparks back under her skin. It was unclear whether she referred to Adela or Ruby.
“I’ve never done that to myself,” said Ruby. “I’m not trying to kill anybody.”
Nestea shook her head. “Well, I don’t know why that happened, but we can’t risk it hapening to any of you. Salimilam, could you help me take Adela to the healers? She may need more than what we can do.” She turned to the others, and hesitated. “It might be best if you were to return to your rooms for now. Or, maybe if you wish someone could take you to the library. I do beleive it’s about time you knew what was going on.” She turned to Feng. “Woud you mind showing them where it is?” She asked.
“Wait a minute!” Leah cried out. “You’re expecting us just to let you take our friend away? We barely know anything about you people!”
Nestea nodded. “Yes, but what can you do to help her? And if you ant to lern more, you need to be able to trust us.”
Leah stoped protesting, but glared at a small spot on the wall, fixing her atention on it and nthing else. I can’t lose control. she thought to herself.
um. they’re in a palace, yeah? if not ignore this post
Meanwhile, Issy, Stella, Zelda and Hazel were hard at work. They had decided to proceed without Samilia because there really wasn’t much time. Hazel was working with a consideralbe amount of wires while the others consulted a heavy book bound in red leather. They were silent, trying to memorize the compicated incantation. Hazel frowned. She would not be allowed to participate in the actual spell because her magic was so weak. It could really only be used in emergencies and big spells were out of the question. So instead she had to do the framework. The spell they were planning required a sort of base to build itself upon, a wire form of the thing they wanted to create. Deftly her hands twisted and bent until she was reasonably satisfied.
“okay,” she called ” it’s ready.”
“Excellent” Issy congratulated her, coming over. “Really nice, Hazel dear.” Turning to her other two sisters she asked “Ready?”
Stella and Zelda nodded, and the four of them carefully moved the wire frame into the prepared pentacle. Gulping, all but Hazel stepped within the carefully chalked lines. After a glance to make sure they were all ready the began to chant the spell in perfect unison. It was in no language they knew, they simply pronounced the sounds. Hazel watched, terrified something would go wrong. Fortunately, she was wrong. After three nerve-racking hours the spell was finished. A fourth being apeared in the pentacle, it’s body contuored to the frame she had constructed. it’s skin was a milky whits-silver, with a streaks of other colors. It apeared to constantly move in a fluid sort of way. Slowly, it bowed.
“How may I serve you?”
They’re not in a palace, but it’s fine anyway. Yaay! Newbies!
Adela was dimly aware of people carrying her, although she was sleepy and her eyes closed. The cuts all over her body still throbbed, but whatever healing had been performed on her had dulled the worst of the pain. “Where are we going?” she asked, her voice unsteady.
“To the healers. Feng’s specialty is drainage and natural wounds, not those inflicted by kinetics. He couldn’t do much more than numb you up,” said Nestea, who had Adela’s head and arms.
“Then we’re talking to Athanath. This isn’t normal,” Salimila chimed in, her voice more serious than Adela had ever heard it.
“I’ll be… fine,” muttered Adela, just before her head flopped over Nestea’s pale arm and she fainted.
“What the hell happened to her?” Ehmer demanded of Feng. “None of us did that.” He hadn’t removed the disglamour he’d applied to himself, so that when the wind afreet turned to reply, he was talking somewhere to the left of Ehmer’s chest.
“We don’t know. What Adela did shouldn’t happen. Disglamours are shielding powers, not destructive ones. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“Where’s the library?” Leah asked, with sudden determination. “I’m going to find out exactly what is going on.”
“An excellent idea,” said Feng. “I haven’t been here in a while, but I believe it’s this way.” He gestured down a long hallway with a massive stone door at the end.
Feng led the way, as the childern were likely to get lost in the fortress and cause considerable trouble. The boy seemed to that without trying. He vaugly remembered the libreary, with it’s dusty smell and endless suply of books. It was big, too, and he and Archell hopefull would not feel pressed in, if all was as he remembered. He sighed. He wanted to know what was going on just as badly as the children did, but wouldn’t let it show. He had missed out on a couple hundred years. But no doubt he would be peppered with questions that he would be unable to answer.
The library door slowly opened, revealing a rather curious room. The shelves had been carved out of the same sandstone as the rest of the fortress, which gave them a strange appearance like some bizarre fungus. The ceiling was covered by an enormous mural, but it was too far up for many details to be made out. The books in the room were extremely varied, from thick, leatherbound tomes to yellowing scrolls inscribed with exotic runes. The children were awestruck.
Any good?
Yes. It’s fine, Cynomis-san. We’re honestly not that discriminating in what people write, so long as it’s in character and reasonably congruent with the overall story. And anything I personally think could use a little polishing will be edited in the version I’m keeping on my computer, so don’t worry about it. Anyway, that’s fine.
Why is everyone calling me Cynomys-San?
it’s a japanese term. you’ll have to ask axa or penty for more details.
continuing off captain c’s:
Leah was also a little intimidated. she didn’t have a clue as to where to start looking for the information she needed. She decided to start by looking around a bit. She had always enjoyed books, and these weren’t your everyday cheap paperbacks, so they were extra-special. It turned out the room they were in was only the first of many that branched off in all direction.
“Feng?” she called
“Yes?” came the slightly disgruntled reply
“Do you have any idea where to look?”
*-* Did someone say Japan?
See my explanation of Japanese honorifics here. It’s a bit brief, but gets the point across. Now I’ll stop intruding upon your writing. Carry on!
“For what?” asked Feng, looking up from the huge book he was reading. It was covered in peeling green leather and looked very old.
“I dunno,” said Leah. “Something that explains what’s going on with the Powers and everything? Or Adela? Or why the hell we’re here, besides some stupid prophecy? Any sort of information, really.”
“We are in a library,” commented Ehmer, looking up from a book entitled ‘Sight and Mind’ that he was poring through. Leah glared at him, but managed to keep herself from lighting on fire.
“This looks like it could be helpful,” said Archell, nudging a book wider than her handspan off its shelf. Feng had to scramble out of its way to avoid being conked on the head as it fell.
She read the title out loud from the grey linen cover. “‘Best Housekeeping Tips, 2031-5429, Sandstone Fortress. Compiled by Magic Users United Against Tawdry Property.’ Never mind.”
“Hold it,” said Feng. “Can I see that book, Archell?”
“Aren’t we supposed to be researching?” she asked, but pushed it along the floor to the wind afreet. He flipped through the pages. “If I’m not very much mistaken, these are coded spy reports. Akkavish or Achmet might be able to read them for us, and then they’ll certainly be of use. Leah, could you go see if you can find either of them?” She nodded and left the library, her red hair streaming behind her like a flame.
“I wonder if these were just sitting here the entire time…” he muttered, almost to himself. Only Ehmer heard him.
contd. from 58-
“Well, what exactly are you looking for?” said Feng.
Leah was about to reply, when a deep rumbling shook the fortress to its foundations. Hazel staggered in, deathly pale and with a gash on her cheek. “Something went wrong with our Summoning!” she gasped. “We need to get Athanath, and anyone else we can find. This is serious.”
Ignore my previous comment. What do you do when 2 people continue the story?
62 (CC)- Usually, we go with the first poster. I’m sure we can find some use for your bit later, though.
contd. from 60-
Ehmer continued to look through the dusty heaps of literature. He still wanted to find out more about the entire mystery of the afareet, but Adela’s condition was a more pressing problem. He was searching for any thing to do with disglamours, when he saw a strange flicker of movement behind a shelf. When he looked closer, though, the thing had disappeared.
He frowned. “Hey, what the-”
Then a cold hand grasped the back of his neck, and he fell into darkness.
Ehmer woke up in a cold, damp room. He couldn’t tell where he was, and when he tried to open his eyes he realized that they were already open and staring. No light penitrated the walls of his chamber. He stood up, banging his head on the ceiling in the process. He felt along the wall behind him with his hands, and walked along the confines of the room. It was circular, and he could feel the floor slating beneath his feet. “I’m in a giant bubble.” He thought to himself. Ehmer blinked. “I’m in a…? When he finaly becam aware of his situation, he was not pleased. ZHe banged on the walls, the floor, his head, anything but to no avail. He was trapped, and he couldn’t escape. “Hell,” he thought, “I don’t even know where I am. Or why, for the matter, I’m here.”
Just then, Hazel dashed into the library. She was pale and limping, and there was a huge bloody mark down her cheek. “The summoning… the ward… something went wrong…”
Feng stared at her, then touched is fingers to her cheek. Ruby saw a bright flash of light, and then his finger was burning. He smashed it against the wall so brutally that they could hear a bone snap, but the fire was put out. “What the hell?” he said, and added some very naughty words on the end.
“We summoned the wrong thing. Instead of a warding aid, we got a vengeful teleporter that seems to be working with the Powers. That’s the way the wounds they inflict act, right? Zelda thinks it may be a construct of some sort, because she pronounced one word wrong that could allow for one to appear. I don’t really understand much of that–Zelda’s the best theorist among us.”
Suddenly, Archell broke in. “Where’s Ehmer?”
Hazel repeated some of Feng’s more colorful phrases. “The spirit must have teleported him somewhere.”
“Dammit!” said Feng. “We haven’t got the time to take care of all this.”
THEN SUPERMAN CAME!!!!
hhahahahahahahaha:)
sorry to anyone who thinks uneeded posts are not worthy … but i couldn’t help it. I haven’t been on enough to catch u p on the story, so i cant post anything..
67 was refering to 65
As Ehmer felt around the spherical prison he was in, he was suddenly dazzled by an orb of deepest indigo light that appeared out of thin air. It stretched, shifted and became opaque. A moment later, Ehmer was looking at a woman, the double of Athanath, except that her eyes burned with a cold light that turned his knees to jelly.
At precisely the same moment, an arrogant voice boomed through the Sandstone Fortress, speaking a strange, harsh language.
Only Akkaveesh and Achmet understood it.
“We have the boy. Drop your wards.”
Stella came running as fast as she could out of the Fortress, closely followed by Issy and Zelda. Akkavish ended the procession at a more stately pace. All four of the women looked about to spit fire. Feng and Hazel ran out of the library after them, giving Archell and Ruby hurried instructions to stay put.
“We definitely do not want them to know we’ve got all of you,” Hazel said. Archell rolled her eyes. For someone who was supposed to saving the world, she was sitting around an awful lot.
As Hazel exited into one of the courtyards of the Fortress, she saw her youngest sister’s expression. A purple light was beginnin to form around Issy and her pale hair to blow in its own wind. “Oh no… oh no no no no no… Issy!”
“It’s a construct!” yelled Zelda. “Issy, stop!” That didn’t seem to do much good. If they couldn’t get Issy back under control, she’d blow up the Fortress. Nobody seemed to have the faintest idea what to do.
Nothing for it. Feng offered a prayer to whatever god still listened to him and threw himself at Issy’s legs. He completely bowled her over, but it seemed to have done the trick. She rubbed her head and sat up, the purple light gone. Whatever construct the Powers had sent had taken advantage of the distraction to escape.
Oh $#%@. I clicked in the wrong place. Consider this a continuation of what I meant to write.
“They have Ehmer,” said Akkavish wearily. “The sorcerers accidentally summoned a malicious construct, and it kidnapped him. Most likely, they’ll kill him if we don’t get there in time. Or dangle him about for ransom: surrender, likely. Or Athanath.”
“So what do we do?” said Stella. “If we let the Powers have him, we’ll lose the war anyway. But getting into their fortress to kidnap him back is likely to get us killed.”
“We are not going to leave him,” said Leah, who had appeared in the archway. Everyone turned and looked at her. “I was supposed to be getting Akkavish, so I followed her voice. We’re not letting the Powers have Ehmer. Or any of us.”
Feng sighed from his position on the sandstone floor. “It’s not as easy as it sounds. What do you propose we do?”
Suddenly, Akkavish’s face lit up. “Where’s Ruby?” Feng went to get her from the library. When the two of them showed up, Archell tagging along, Akkavish motioned for them to listen.
“Ruby, do you have any idea of your range?” The girl looked blank. “How far away you can be and still cast a spell.”
“I know it’s at least half a mile.” She did not elaborate on why. “But it’s the full moon still, so wouldn’t it be more?”
“Yes, yes,” muttered Akkavish. “Listen, Ruby, have you ever tried putting a disglamour on something other than yourself?”
“I think I did it to my pentagram once, when some boys were teasing me about it. It was an accident, though.” She neglected to mention how hard she’d hit them and then run away.
“All right. We’re going to ward Ehmer so the Powers can’t kill him. Once we’re done, you’ll put a disglamour on the ward. That will buy us time.”
((I’d really prefer it if this little scheme of theirs didn’t run foul. 21k is not very long, and we don’t want the climax yet. Of course, this is RRR, so I don’t really control what happens. Just saying…))
I think Adela is a cool name.
Could someone please give me a summary of the story? I’m very lazy.
Please? *Bats Eyelashes*
I’m terrible at summaries, but I’ll try, since you so nicely showed up.
So, there’s this school, right? And then this girl named Archell makes it snow. Everyone who lives close to the school gets to go home early, but the rest of them have to stay overnight. A bunch of magic peoples come and pick them up and drag them to a nice warm desert fortress, where they meet more magic peoples. The magic peoples are called afareet and sorcerers, and they’re fighitng this war against these evil dudes called the Powers. One of the kids, Adela, just ripped herself up trying to do a spell, and another one, Ehmer, got kidnapped. And the rest you can read for yourself.
Yes, I like the name Adela too. It suits her. (It was my Spanish name, becuase it’s a whole darn lot prettier than my real name, which is how I thought of it. And there was a passing mention of the name in the original RRR.)
73- Thank you Kuai!!! *Hugs* *Hands warm apple pie carefully*
I am satisfied now.
What? No pie all over my face? I’m too lazy to lift it to my mouth!
I wonder if anyone else shall humour poor insane Penty-chan… If they don’t, I’ll just have to write another instalment. Woe is me.
I’ll get back here as soon as I check the “Rebuilding Civilization” thread.
75- As you wish… *PIES KAUI ZI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* *SPLAT*!!!!!!!! Happy now?
you know, pentatonikk, we’re never going to write this part. so youll have to wrie it.
But then it wouldn’t be RRR. *TRAGIC SIGH* (You know, those have been in capital letters a lot lately.) Also, I have a Summer Wrimos project, another novel, a LotR Mary Sue parody, and several short stories going right now. So I’m rather busy, writing-wise. But I’ll try. *salutes*
Ruby nodded. If she had any doubts about the plan or her skill, she didn’t voice them. SHe watched while Akkavish, Feng and Athanath performed the ward. There was little to see, although judging from the looks of exaustion on all three faces when it was complete, the magic was very advanced.
“Are you ready Ruby?” Athanath asked
“Sure” Ruby closed her eyes and concentrated on becoming one with the ward, which was the only way she could think of to cast a disglamour on it. I am nothingness and void. I am nothingness and void. It was working. A few minutes later, it was done.
“Alright.” she announced. “It worked” Akkavish smiled in relief, and even Feng grinned a little.
Ehmer felt something surround him. It looked like one of those ward things that Nestea had been making when Feng blew up at her. Idly, since he really had nothing better to do, he wondered why the wind afreet had gotten so mad. He couldn’t come up with anything after a few minutes, so turned his attention to where he was going.
His soap-bubble prison distorted the surrounding landscape, but that wasn’t a problem for Ehmer. It was almost natural for him to shift his vision so that he could see better. Unfortunately, the countryside he was passing through all looked the same, flat, sandy desert with a few rocks or dunes here and there. It was impossible to tell where he was or where he was going. He swore, mostly out of habit, and tried to find something to do.
Ehmer found his mind shifting over to the ward. Why did they have to ward him, rather than just getting him out of here? Probably they weren’t powerful enough, he decided. At least he wouldn’t be killed now, if the ward kept him safe. Much as he hated to admit it, he’d been sort of scared that they would kill him. He sighed, relieved, and looked around for any sign of his captors. As far as he could tell, he was alone, floating off to wherever they wanted him to go.
Adela’s eyelids fluttered open. Even that was painful, she reflected. Where was she, anyway? The room around her came into focus, but she didn’t recognize it at all. Slowly, with a drug-tired mind, it dawned on her that she was in a different world. Am I dead or something? she wondered. She could remember pain, excruciating pain, and then some sort of calm. That seemed like proof that she was dead. It was kind of nice, just lying here on soft pillows.
But I don’t want to be dead! I wasn’t finished! She wasn’t sure what she hadn’t finished, but she knew it was very important and that being dead was not going to help her accomplish anything.
“She’s awake,” someone beside the bed commented. That voice… Adela remembered that voice.
“Thank the Cosmos,” said someone else. The name ‘Nestea’ popped into Adela’s mind. Who was Nestea, though? The sound conjured up images of ice, and a golden eagle. This was so frustrating, this being dead.
“Dammit!” she yelled, straining her vocal cords painfully. She remembered that she never swore. Oh well, she did now.
An amused chuckle came from the first speaker, and then two female heads leaned over Adela. Salimila and Nestea, she thought. The one with the brown hair-Salimila-said, “I don’t think she remembers much.”
Nestea raised a pale eyebrow. “Adela, look down at yourself.”
Adela did as bidden. She was wrapped completely in bandages and appeared mummified. And then, everything came rushing back in a huge green flood. The magic…the others…the unbearable pain.
“I’m not dead, am I?”
“No,” Salimila laughed, somewhat relieved. “They did a good job on you. I’d better go talk to Athanath now. Nestea, you stay with her.” Nestea nodded, then took Salimila’s seat on a small wooden stool beside the bed as the former left the room.
I could have died. I thought I had, but I wasn’t scared. What’s wrong with me? She was terrified of death now, shaking all over and trembling so hard it hurt. It was too close; this wasn’t right; she was just a normal girl. Adela felt warmth on the bandages covering her face and realized, to her humiliation, that she was crying. That in itself was wrong. Adela was by no means brave, but she never cried, not at pain or grief or joy or fear. Undoubtedly, though, she was crying now.
“What’s wrong?” asked Nestea.
All Adela could do was sob harder. “I- I don’t want to die. I want to go back… to before. Why us? Why me? I’m so scared; I’m not ready for this…”
Nestea gently pulled the girl into her arms. “None of us are, Adela. But we do it anyway.”
“I don’t want to die,” Adela repeated. “I want… I want… I want…” Some sort of desire was seeping up from her center, something so powerful that she struggled to find words.
“I want… to exist.”
( I’m so sorry if none of this is in any way incoherent; I’m coming in very late. Perhaps I should make a sad little side character who does nothing instead. xD)
“Exist?” The woman’s voice was soft and slow, like the trickle of water that begins a great river. What a thing to say. It was understandable, the trauma of nearly dying and then realizing you weren’t dead can do odd things to a person’s mind. But it was particularly concerning to see Adela in this state- gods knew she was a stubborn child, and the absense of that strong will for even a few moments was unnerving.
Her query to others may seem odd; existance was a thing granted to all, no? But Nestea herself had felt this way, cold as she was. Because living and existing are in no way the same thing, just as ice and water are two very different elements.
If there was a way to explain that she understood, the frost haired young woman would have; but her words caught in her throat, tangled. She pulled away from Adela then, her pale eyes holding an uncharacteristic fiery quality as she grasped the younger girl’s shoulder.
“I know.”
And that was the best she could offer.
No, Axa, that’s fine. I actually think it’s quite good, and hope you’ll stick around to write more. *makes puppy face*
Adela smiled faintly at her. “What’s wrong with me anyways?” she asked.
“You tried to do a ward and… we don’t actually know what happened. You just started bleeding like crazy. The littler cuts have already healed so you’ll probably be OK soon enough.”
“But…ummm…” Adela trailed of. “I mean, this isn’t the first time I tried to do magic and it backfired. There was that time in the school, when I got drained.”
Nestea looked suprised. “That was you? I’d forgotten.” She whispered to herself, “I’d better talk to the others.”
Adela opened her mouth to speak again. Nestea cut her off and said, “Maybe you shouldn’t to magic until we figure out what’s wrong. Is that okay?” Adela nodded. She wasn’t sure she liked the words ‘what’s wrong’.
Nestea hurried through the sandstone halls. This was all wrong, so wrong. The prophecy said nothing about kidnappings, or girls who almost killed themselves doing simple magic, or mysterious constructs summoned by accident.
She ran through the ancient words in her head. Like most afareet, she had been hearing them since childhood. They were supposed to be hopeful, showing the afareet the way they’d finally live again, finally be able to stand exuberant in the snow with the wind whirling around their faces, finally overcome betrayal, finally walk without fear of dying, finally love without restriction.
That time wasn’t here yet, and to Nestea, the prophecy seemed less hopeful and more mocking as the years went by. And it was too damn rosy, too perfect, like they’d find the kids and send them off to kill the Powers and then everyhting would be all right. Life wasn’t like that. Gods knew, Nestea knew, that life was sand in your teeth and eyes and throat and standing watch while the people you cared about left you.
Prophecies were simple. Existence was complicated.
The disglamour hurt Ruby. It wasn’t a physical hurt, more a creeping weariness that threatened to grab her and drag her down so she’d never rise again. She didn’t want to keep it up; it would kill her. Ruby knew this. She also knew that there was no way that she would leave Ehmer to whatever fate awaited him. Stubbornness won out over pain in the end, as usual. Ruby was used to pain, and was used to ignoring it. But this… this went deeper. This was something that couldn’t just be brushed off.
Ruby gritted her teeth and held her lips together, her tan skin whitening. She would not lose.
Issy was the first to notice her discomfort. “Ruby? What is it?”
“Nothing,” Ruby lied. They’d make her break it off if she told them, she knew they would. Part of her wanted that, but she would not give in to that part.
“It doesn’t take any sort of power to be able to tell that you’re lying, Ruby. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Ruby repeated. People were so much more observant here. She hated that.
((Too emo?))
I don’t think so, it’s good.
((I shall write more, becuase nobody else is. And I have IDEAS. Fear me.))
Something around Ehmer was wavering. He could see it, although nothing looked different to his actual eyes. It was like the way he’d seen that it was a ward surrounding him, even though it was, by all outward appearances, invisible. The thing–a disglamour?–shimmered, blinking on and off with a pearly red sheen, like a fire opal. It was quite beautiful, if you went for that sort of thing. Ehmer didn’t.
Ruby’s lip bled from biting it and her knuckles stood out stark and white, but still she held the disglamour. It was more than just a protection for Ehmer now. It was a part of Ruby, and she did not readily give up parts of herself.
“Ruby, stop it!” The girl turned around to see Leah, standing defiantly. “You’re going to kill yourself.”
“No.”
The flat, matter-of-fact denial was not what Leah had been expecting. She wasn’t sure if Ruby meant that no, she would not stop or no, she was not going to die. The first was lunacy. The second was stupid.
((Sleep (nasty little bugger) calls. I may write more tomorrow.))
Either way there was little she could do about it. Nevertheless she tried once more.
“please, Ruby?”
“No. I’ll be okay.”
Leah watched her for along time before turning away. She decided to visit Adela -poor thing, she must be lonely, not being able to do anything.
((Note that I’m going against my own request. That’ll teach me to order you guys around.))
Not that Leah seemed to be doing much either, of course, but it still had to be better than being confined to a bed without anyone around. And there was really little point in standing around in a courtyard watching Ruby act like an idiot. She left.
Akkavish watched Leah go. It was hard on all of them, this awful waiting, this uncertainty as to what would happen next (or rather, what would go wrong next), but especially so on the children. Although they weren’t children anymore, not really. Even so, they knew less than the others, and so it was worse for them.
“Ruby.” Akkavish said the name quietly, barely above a whisper. It rang through the silent courtyard, like a rushing river of liquid darkness caught in a dam, and Ruby turned.
“Stop.”
“Why should I?” The challenge in Ruby’s voice was unmistakable. She would not take orders, this one.
Because you’ll kill yourself. Because you’re not quite adult enough to know that this isn’t worth that. Because we need you just as much as we need him. Because there has to be another way. Because I am your superior, and I command you so. Akkavish could drown in reasons, in because, but none of those were enough.
“Because you want to.”
“You don’t know that.” How did she know that? Could this woman read Ruby’s mind, her one refuge from whatever life threw at her?
“No. But you do,” said Akkavish. Ruby glared at her, but she could not deny the weariness that cloaked her bones and threatened to smother her. She let the disglamour die, and with it died a bit of her.
And it all came crashing down around Ehmer’s eyes. The bubble vanished, and the disglamour vanished, and the ward vanished, and even the desert vanished so he was standing surprised in a yard very similar to the ones he’d seen back at the Fortress, only white instead of tawny gold.
“Welcome,” said a calm voice, and Ehmer whirled around, the faint breeze catching at his hair. This place was chillier than the Fortress, though still comfortably warm. The speaker was a man looking to be in his mid-thirties, although it was obvious he was an afreet and so much older. He had long black hair and bright blue eyes, and reminded Ehmer of someone, though he couldn’t place who.
Naturally, he responded to the shock rather badly and snapped, “Who the hell are you and where the hell am I?”
“You are in the Ice Fortress,” the man said, evading the first question, “though it has been transported to the desert for convinience. It is not, as common knowledge would suggest, made of ice.” He took Ehmer’s arm in an amazingly strong grip and dragged him off. Ehmer took it as a blessing that the ward had disappeared, or else the strange man would have noticed something wrong.
“I am afraid you will have to share a room, since we are a bit short on accomodations. We are… preparing.” He did not say what for, but Ehmer didn’t ask, being too busy trying to stay on his feet as they walked quickly through the halls.
The abrupt stop they came to nearly jolted Ehmer onto the ground, but he managed to keep upright and watched suspiciously as his guide whispered something to the door they stood in front of. It slid open with a soft hiss, and inside Ehmer saw a room nearly the duplicate of his in the Sandstone Fortress, except that it was considerably larger and contained two pallets, two trunks, and one boy.
“Your new roommate,” said the dark-haired man, and then left, sliding the door shut with a wave of his hand.
Ehmer glanced warily at the boy, who returned the gaze. Finally, he spoke, going over to the pallet Ehmer presumed was his. “Name’s Rex. You?”
((Yes! It is he! Rex has found his place in the story! And he and Ehmer are in the captivity of the Powers, if you couldn’t tell.))
Who is Rex? I need to konw.
“REX
Powers–Rex is a illusionist. His power is to make things seem to be a certain way, although most of the things do not exist. He can make his illusions become real, and he is much older than the girls.
He was originally from a mysterious land called Lionheath, where the great SpellKeeper lies, keeping spells and spell makers at bay. He is also the creature summoner, able to summon creatures from around the globe for his use.[For my purposes and for the purposes of keeping the story to its already considerable level of cluttered-ness, this part has been deleted. We don’t need more super-powerful magical beings or dimensions, and creature-summoning doesn’t seem to fit with the list of other afreet powers.]He is very proud and stubborn at times, but is a quick thinker and can be nice. He does not know anything on the subject of weather control, and he is not distorted by love life if that is something u peoples were wondering about.”
That’s Rex. I felt bad that he didn’t have anything to do after ChinTsu spent all that time on him, and he makes an interesting plot point.
“Why should I tell you what my name is? Why should I trust you?”
((I don’t really have any ideas, but nobody’s here and I wanted more story.))
*meteorite hits the earth at an improbability rate of 666 to 1 and everyone dies.*
to morbid?
94 (FS)- No, too anti-climactic. Ignored.
Yaay postiness. I’ll write more when I’m not working through the Block Monster to do so.
Hmmmm….I didn’t invent Rex. I manage most of the afareet. Nice work though Penty. I love your potrayal of Akkavish. I’m working on character profiles right now.
We need to do something with Places. Aebovoreana, which I just horribley misspelled, would be more managable if we divided it up into “countries”. I like the names Katreh, and Consket and it would be nice if we could include them.
Also Rex cannot be one of the Chosen because there are only five. He can’t be as powerful as Ehmer either, but he is shaping up to be a nice minor character. Keep up the eccelent writing.
Also, on a small note, no different dimensions (exept Aeborvaena, naturally), or other planets. Afareet do not include summoning things. We don’t have to put in every magical creature we can find.
hey, are you still in Hawaii or back in Iowa?
I came back from Hawaii this June.
and then:
*sees an object that he really hates*
*lights fuse of dynamite*
Close your ears.
*all run*
*ssssssss*
*fuse runs out*
*glasses pop up*
*sonic boom*
*dynamite explodes*
KA-BOOM
*eveything is scorched black*
*more looking*
*all point to squirrel*
squirrel: What?
*they chase the squirrel, who drank a cup of coffee that had not been decaffinated. Evil, Twisted, Dude, and Mr. Green all chase after him, but Squirrel takes off. Five seconds later, his sonic boom is heard. (pretty fast, huh?)*
——————————–THE END————————————-
My. I’m a bit sad that this story has stoped, once again. *sigh* This is saddining. And most of the origanal people who worked on it don’t come around much anymore, so even if we did renew it it probably wouldn’t get much added on and stuff. *sigh*
102 (JS)- I’m still here, although you’re right, Phoenix, Phoebe, and Zallie aren’t on much any more. And my school stuff is so overwhelming and NaNo so tempting that I probably won’t be able to write much either. Still, I’m pushing to have it revived. *nudgenudgewinkwinksaynomore*
Currently, I’m on a long relaxing weekend with very little homework, so we’ll probably get another long angst-fest from me soon.
I have limited comp. time, so this is especially hard for me.
I’ve been reading The Rivan Codex, and it seems like a good idea if we write some backround information first, in order to keep the story in order.
I want to help with the story, but I have nothing to say.
Now that Phoenix is back, we need to coerce her into writing for us. Cookies may be necessary.
Background? I’ll try.
Aebvoraena: A Brief and Totally Irreverant History
by Penty
So there are these Maker things. And we have no idea where they come from, except I have a plan that may or may not work but will be very shocking and a major plot point so I can’t reveal it at the moment. Unless you really want me to.
Anyway. Somehow, they manage to create a parallel dimension and tack it onto the one we’re living in. And things are happy and shiny, and these afareet things start popping up and breeding veeeeery slooooowly ’cause they kinda live a really long time and mature veeeeery slooooowly. But they do breed, which is more than you can say for the Makers. Also, there are these sorcerer things, and they may or may not be part-afreet, part-human, depending on who you ask. They breed too. Also slowly.
And things are still happy and shiny. But then some of the Makers are all like, “These afareet and sorcerers are having too much control over themselves. Wasn’t the whole point of creating this thing absolute control over everything?” (ohlookaaclue)
But then the other Makers are all like, “Aww, come on. I think they’re cute.” So the control freaks stomp off and slam their doors. And they listen to a lot of angry music and do the whole sex, drugs, rock’n’roll thing, with the possible exception of the sex (they don’t breed, remember), the drugs (Um.), and the rock’n’roll. (Hadn’t been invented yet.) And they rebel, and they take a lot of afareet with them, and things are no longer happy and shiny.
Soooooyeah. There are lots of bloody battle scenes, complete with explosions for koko13. Death stuff. There’s some more in the Reference Text, but I’m too lazy to go fetch it right now. Look it up yourself.
Then OUR HEROES (much older generation) are born. Thoze pplz lyke Akkavish. Then OUR HEROES (older generation) are born. Thoze pplz lyke Issy, Feng, Nestea, and Achmet. All this time, afareet are still dropping like flies. Then OUR HEROES (younger generation) are born. If you don’t know who they are you need to put on your glasses.
A blink of an eye after they’re born, Adela does some potato-pitching and Ruby acts mysterious and they all get chased around by a polar bear. If you didn’t know that you need to read the reference text.
And more stuff happens that’s in the reference text, and now everyone’s having emo moments because the (more or less) lone writer just feels like writing the story that way. Sue me. I think it’s actually not that bad.</background>
So, how’d I do?
Cool! I’ll read the backround, and jump in…but you still need to give me cookies. hold on up, okies?
Oooh…nice writing of Ruby’s charecter! I’m a-keeping on…
Ruby’s magic was not subtle. She wielded, albeit clumsily, the power of Chaos. The very probability of the universe rested in the hands of those like her–but this time, she had overstepped herself.
It was not until she had begun to let the spell go that she realized precisely how much of herself she had put into it. Her disglamour tore out of her like a demon, the power she had attempted to harness wrenching free of her loosened grasp. There was pain. More than a little pain.
Ruby sank to her knees, the Chaos energy swirling angrily around her in a whirlwind of invisible color. The physical boundaries of her body ceased to become defined as the unreliable magic melted in and out of her form. Ruby didn’t even have the energy to scream as her limbs stretched and lengthened, her skin stretched and tore and solidified again, her eyes swelled and melted in their sockets. And in one fell glimpse, she saw the universe in all its unimaginable vastness, and she saw the equally infinite volume of raw power she had foolishly tried to harness. Ruby could walk through a crowded room like it was empty because she made it probable that no one would bump into her. She could weave a disglamour because she made it likely that no one would notice her. These things, the small things, she could do well.
But Ruby had reached too far. The probability that no one would notice a young Afareet whom they had expressly kidnapped for the sole purpose of harnessing his magic and encouraging the Powers while disrupting the prophecy that foretold their downfall was almost infinite. And worse, Ruby was trying to make just that come true from a distance of at least hundreds of miles away, if not thousands. Maybe, if she actually knew how her magic worked, she could have done it. Maybe, if she’d had years of training, she could have done it. Maybe, if she’d summoned a stronger will, she could have done it. Maybe, if it had been someone she loved rather than a teenage classmate whom she barely knew, she could have done it. Or maybe she just wasn’t capable of that kind of power and never would be.
But she didn’t, she hadn’t, she couldn’t, and it wasn’t. And it seemed at the moment very probable that she was trying to harness forces she would never have the strength to master. The pentagram that hung over her clothes blazed sooty, angry red, red-hot light and red-hot heat. It seared into her flesh, and this time she did scream.
Ruby couldn’t control the power, and slowly, it began to control her. Its purpose clouded her mind, and its form clouded her body. Black scales, tipped with scarlet, some scarlet tipped with black, hardened and slid to cover skin. She stared at her hands in horror at fingernails became talons, at the same time feeling her mouth spread into a horrible reptilian grin on an elongated jaw, tiny bonelike horns punching through scales like armor over a suddenly thick and elongated neck. Huge leathery wings burst from her back, and she screamed again, an echoing, vibrating shriek like some enormous bird of prey.
Ruby had not been strong enough to use her power. But the power was certainly strong enough to use Ruby. She had commanded it to do something, and now it was commanding her to do the same thing, in its own fashion and by its own rules. Ruby herself was forced into silence in a corner of her mind as one ultimate, necessary purpose filled her consciousness: find Ehmer and get him out.
Ruby-That-Was-The-Dragon crouched low. Then she spread her wings wide and sprung into clear blue desert sky. The pentagram was still around her neck, and it was blazing like fire.
Find Ehmer.
By the way, for clarification:
What happened to Ruby was this: she tried to use her magic to make it more likely that Ehmer would be overlooked. However, this was so unlikely that Ruby, inexperienced as she is, couldn’t hold up the disglamour for more than a few seconds. However, she was so determined to protect Ehmer and keep up the magic that the Chaos force, which is semi-sentient, decided that it needed to finish the job, so it basically took over her brain. However, Ruby was trying to shield Ehmer while the Chaos has apparently decided that she needs to physically go in and get him, preferably with as much bloodshed involved as possible. No one ever said Chaos magic was nice, you know.
Basically, Ruby is a fairly weak Chaos Afareet with the potential to be a very strong Chaos Lord–if she practices for several millenia. So the magic jumpstarted her powers, sort of like Adela being born on the full moon except that Ruby will only be powerful for as long as the magic is controlling her. It turned her into a dragon because (a) this is her Afareet form and (b) a dragon is very good at wreaking havok. Chaos LIKES to wreak havok. There’s a reason why most Chaos Afreet either die young, go crazy, or become totaly evil…
Cookies for Phoenix. Aebvoraena-board members will know that I think this (@) looks like a cookie. So. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@!
I think the story part was clear. And I’ll write more when I don’t have class in twenty minutes.
Back in the rooms of the sandstone fortress, its inhabitants were sprawled around the room in various states of shock. Nestea would have gone after Ruby, exept for the fact that Akkavish had restrained her with a net of black webbing. The golden eagle inside was screaching to high heaven and struggling against the bonds that held it without success.
Akkavish, ignoring the screaching eagle, Feng swearing in Chinese, and her own screaming thoughts, took out a small, black orb from a pocket in her slacks.
“(Name of whoever met Ehmer before and is presently commander of the Ice Fortress)” she said rather forcefully.
That sphere is a communication device for longer distances than telepathy can reach. When it countacts whoever has a similar device, it turns the color of the contacted person’s magic and projects and image of that person.
I am presently writing a really really extended edition of Afareet, which will include all their various powers and steady aging rates for different types of afareet.
Sorcerors, it apears need to be unrelated to afareet. It would be better if we base the sorceror four (I, S, Z, H)’s powers on specific abilities, instead of elements.
This does not mean that the chosen 5 (excluding Ruby) are not part afareet. They are, theyr’e just not sorcerors. We can call them magi or something along those lines.
We also need to ‘find out’ what nature spirits are.
“Amarok”, she said forcefully.
The sphere began to glow a blue-silver color. And a tall black haired man apeared in the middle of the room.
“What-?”, Leah started and looked around for some sort of weapon.
“No need to worry”, cut in the tall thin man Leah recognized as Mokala. “Just a projection.”
Amarok smiled at Akkavish. “I should have known you’d recognize Kento’s imprint. Ehmer is safe with me, but I suspect you know that all ready.”
“It doesn’t have to do with Ehmer. You have a problem, Amarok.”
He rolled his eyes. “I’ve got plenty of problems, Akkavish.”
“This problem, however, deserves your immediate attention. It is several meters long, scaly, and currently flying toward you at approximately one hundred kilometers per hour.”
Amarok’s smile left his face, and his blue eyes widened. “You don’t seriously mean Apepihotep has-?”
“No, but your very close.”
“I’d best make preparations for an uninvited visitor then”, he replied disappearing.
–
Amarok
Powers: Amarok is an ice afreet. He is a genious of disglamours, wards, and any other types of defenesive magic. It is partly because of his efforts that the ice fortress has survived for so long.
Weakness: Though he is practicly impossible to hit during battle, his attacks need work. He is also, like all ice afareet, suseptable to heat.
arrg… not enough time. Will finish later.
(I don’t know his name. I’ll just make it up, okay?)
For a moment, the orb just sat there on Akkavish’s palm, looking like an ordinary black marble. Then it began to glow slightly. The blackness swirled like smoke, slowly becoming interspersed with bits and pieces of unidentifiable color, dancing like tiny stars in the midst of the blackness.
And then, suddenly, the color broke free. Blinding while light burst from the orb, shining with a strange pink tinge that combined to make a color that none of the onlookers would not have been able to place, even had the strength and tone of the light not blinded them. Nestea let out a single angry squawk and fell silent. When the light had been subdued into a tolerable amount of brightness, Feng lifted his arm cautiously from over his eyes and said, “Who is it?”
Akkavish was staring at the person displayed in the now pinkish-white marble.
“Akkavish?”
The darkness Afreet couldn’t tear her eyes away from the ball. “Feng…it’s Cyprioth…”
Feng took one look at the face in the ball, a golden-skinned man with jet black hair and eyes like bits of glittering onyx, and then fell back. “Cyprioth is working for the Powers?”
Akkavish shook her head. “I don’t know. He might be a free agent. But no matter who he works for, he’s against us. And with Cyprioth against us…”
Feng finished the statement for her. “We are in deep, deep trouble.”
“Cyprioth?” shrieked Nestea. Akkavish and Feng snapped thier heads around, having momentarily forgetting the presense of the eagle-woman, who was now half shifted between her avian and human forms so that her words came out as horrible croaking peals. “You SHOULD be worrying about Cyprioth, because Ruby just flew off to find him! And with her powers boosted like they appear to have been, her Chaos factor will insure that she succeeds. And I don’t care how bleeding powerful that little snit is, Cyprioth is going to grind her dragon bones into powder!” She thrashed furiously against her bindings, her wings beating on the net of darkness like twin battering rams. “So why don’t you let me the heck out of here and find Ruby and Ehmer before the prophecy is short two members?”
Name: Cyprioth
Species: Afreet
Powers: Cyprioth weilds a strange mixture of Ice and Light magic. If there is any existing light whatsoever, he can control it to an almost infinite degree, lessening it to almost nonexistance, bouncing it off any objects in beams or blasts or flares or glows, or magnifying it to such an extent that blindness or severe retinal burns result. He generates no heat, but rather the colder the air is, the better his powers work. Firelight, for example, is harder for him to control than moonlight. He is even able to transform himself temporarily into light. He is one of the most powerful Afareet in existance, and widely feared. His alternate shape is an arctic fox.
Oops! Just ignore my post, mates.
(continiued from post 114. Sorry again about that.)
There are few things so majestic as a dragon viewed from the ground. Even a young dragon, its full size and strength and beauty still a faint dream hundreds of years in the future, is magnificent. The small desert creatures stared, frozen, only to dart away in fear of their lives as the wings of the dragon, fully spread and over ten meters from tip to tip, cast a black shadow over them, its silhouette blotting out the sun.
But there is one thing better than seeing a dragon from the ground, and that is being the dragon itself.
Ruby’s human sensibilities were dead; drowned out and sleeping; overwhelmed by the Chaotic energy she had foolishly tried to harness. But the magic was a part of her, also—the dragon was part of her. And so, Ruby-the-Dragon rejoiced at the freedom of stretching her vast wings after years of being suppressed its human side, but she was still, in essence, Ruby.
And she had never felt more joy than she was experiencing now. She watched the little creatures flee with a sense of amusement and contempt. She was lord of the desert; they were right to run and hide. A hawk circling below momentarily caught her attention, and her front claws flexed involuntarily as her flight faltered for a moment. She itched to fold her wings and dive upon the foolish bird that dared show itself when she was in flight, challenging her for prey creatures. She longed to feel the life force flee from the hawk, to bury her muzzle in warm blood and prove that she was emperor of the skies and sands…but no. She had work to do.
Ruby’s great muscles bunched and stretched with the steady beat of her wings; gaining speed with every moment she remained in flight. Her tail split at the end, a taught membrane stretched between the two thinner ribs allowing her to change direction in any way she chose with a miniscule adjustment of the way it was tilted. She flew as if she had been born to it. Indeed, she had been born to it. This was her birthright.
And she had to find Ehmer.
Ruby no longer knew just who or what was Ehmer. But she was looking for it, and she would find it. She reached for her magic, and experienced great pleasure to find it at the slightest probing. It would do her will now. There would be no more silly disglamours—there would be power. Raw, Chaotic power and hot blood.
With a tiny, almost absentminded push—how easy it was, in this form! —Ruby tweaked the balance of probability. I will find the Ice Fortress. It will be easy and soon. I will find the Ehmer. She made it probable that low clouds would appear. On her great muscled chest, the pentagram amulet, somehow still around her elongated neck, glowed dusky red.
She vanished into the clouds as they materialized, waited perhaps thirty seconds, and then, confident that her Chaos magic had done its job, she slowly sank from the cloud bank.
The smoky black color of her scales absorbed the sunlight like tiny black holes, letting not a glimmer or a reflection betray her presence to those in the Ice Fortress who might be watching. Ruby looked with satisfaction at the great gray stone stronghold by the cold southern sea that the desert had given way to at the prodding of Chaos. This was where she would find the Ehmer. Those who had taken it would pay in blood.
Ruby rose higher, gliding in circles over the fortress. And then, with a shrieking, grating scream of fury and triumph, she folded her wings and dove like a fell omen towards the Ice Fortress.
((A note: Yes, Ruby is incredibly powerful. Yes, this power will ruin both the story and her charecter. Fortuanately for the preservation of both, she will NOT keep these powers. These are abilities she has the potential to gain after, oh, two thousand years or so. The fact that she has them now is a fluke, a result of an untrained young girl with enormous potential completely losing control. IF she lives to become a Chaos Lord, she will be nearly unstoppable, but right now she is vulnerable. As soon as the magic finishes the task she set out for it, she will go back to normal. She will remember everything, but the Ruby we know will be back. She will then have to relearn everything, including how to get into dragon form.))
((Archell appears to be the only one with the adults at the moment. Correct me if I’m wrong. (Ehmer-Powers. Ruby-finding Ehmer. Adela-angsting. Leah-searching for Adela. Archell-doing nothing.) Also, I feel that she’s currently kind of two-dimensional. We really don’t know how she feels.))
“Somebody get Athanath! Akkavish, let me go!” Nestea’s voice was raw from screaming; Archell couldn’t remember ever hearing her so agitated. “Akkavish, let me free!” The air froze, and Archell’s breath was visible for a second, before a keening cry ripped everything in two.
Nestea’s arms shifted, lengthening into feathery wings, her open mouth into a sharp beak, and her skin to tawny gold and feathers. The shriek went on and on, Akkavish’s bonds of darkness falling away from Nestea-eagle like black ribbons melting on the sandstone ground. Her enormous wings beat against the sky, pulling her up into the wind and away after Ruby. Archell’s ears rang from the noise as she looked on, hypnotized by the golden dot getting smaller and smaller until it was invisible.
She wished she knew her afreet form; the three she’d seen so far were so amazing, so powerful that she longed to have that power for herself. It was a part of her she’d never thought to hate, her desire to always be the best. It was only fair that if they could become that, she should too…it was only fair.
The jealousy hurt, so she distracted herself by ripping her eyes from the sky and turning to look at Feng. He was still staring out at that spot where Nestea had been, thinking.
“Why did she do that? How?” asked Archell. Akkavish was extremely powerful; any fool could sense that. And Nestea had just pulled away from those shackles like it was nothing, even when she’d been struggling so hard before.
“It’s…complicated,” said Feng, his mind obviously elsewhere. “The ice afareet…It’s our fault, Wind, or partially.” He fell silent, black feather patterns shifting over his skin. Akkavish grabbed his shoulder, as if restraining him.
“The story goes, and it’s true,” she said, “that the Wind Fortress was the first to fall to the Powers. There were never many wind afareet to begin with, and they were weak and unorganized. The Powers demolished them. The survivors fled, most to the Ice Fortress because it was the closest. They didn’t welcome the refugees there, though, and the ice afareet were bitterly divided over whether to kick them out or let them stay. Naturally, their fortress was the next the Powers struck, and the wind afareet were accused of betraying it. To this day the argument is still going on.
“Nestea, Nanook, and Amarok were undecided at the beginning of the fight, but towards the end they had joined the side against the wind afareet. After their fortress was captured, the three split: Nestea was still furious at the betrayal, Nanook ran off in bear form and never came back, and Amarok was taken by the Powers. Apparently, they corrupted him; he appears to be working for them.” Akkavish grimaced. “Nestea hasn’t forgiven him for something; she hasn’t said what it is. The thought that she could find him after all these years…I think she got excited and lost control.”
“It was a terrible time,” said Feng. “And Nestea…it hurt her.” He appeared to be talking to himself. The feather patterns grew stronger and his eyes slitted and piercing. Akkavish’s hold tightened.
“How did it hurt her? Was she…” Archell glanced at the birdlike pupils of Feng’s almond eyes, both sad and angry for all that they were no longer human, and she knew.
Akkavish replied anyway. “The betrayal she saw, the loss of her closest friends, her family, and her pride. It was a terrible time. Amarok was her cousin.”
And then Feng’s arms exploded into feathers and his mouth a beak and his voice a wail. To Archell, it sounded almost like Nestea’s name, but it was so hard to be sure. He too ripped away from Akkavish, and she swore as he rapidly became a tiny black dot.
“Damn them. Damn it all. I wish that I could fly.” When Akkavish spoke, her tone as frigid and hard as Nestea at her iciest, Archell, for all her rebelliousness, ran.
((Archell appears to be the only one with the adults at the moment. Correct me if I’m wrong. (Ehmer-Powers. Ruby-finding Ehmer. Adela-angsting. Leah-searching for Adela. Archell-doing nothing.) Also, I feel that she’s currently kind of two-dimensional. We really don’t know how she feels.))
“Somebody get Athanath! Akkavish, let me go!” Nestea’s voice was raw from screaming; Archell couldn’t remember ever hearing her so agitated. “Akkavish, let me free!” The air froze, and Archell’s breath was visible for a second, before a keening cry ripped everything in two.
Nestea’s arms shifted, lengthening into feathery wings, her open mouth into a sharp beak, and her skin to tawny gold and feathers. The shriek went on and on, Akkavish’s bonds of darkness falling away from Nestea-eagle like black ribbons melting on the sandstone ground. Her enormous wings beat against the sky, pulling her up into the wind and away after Ruby. Archell’s ears rang from the noise as she looked on, hypnotized by the golden dot getting smaller and smaller until it was invisible.
She wished she knew her afreet form; the three she’d seen so far were so amazing, so powerful that she longed to have that power for herself. It was a part of her she’d never thought to hate, her desire to always be the best. It was only fair that if they could become that, she should too…it was only fair.
The jealousy hurt, so she distracted herself by ripping her eyes from the sky and turning to look at Feng. He was still staring out at that spot where Nestea had been, thinking.
“Why did she do that? How?” asked Archell. Akkavish was extremely powerful; any fool could sense that. And Nestea had just pulled away from those shackles like it was nothing, even when she’d been struggling so hard before.
“It’s…complicated,” said Feng, his mind obviously elsewhere. “The ice afareet…It’s our fault, Wind, or partially.” He fell silent, black feather patterns shifting over his skin. Akkavish grabbed his shoulder, as if restraining him.
“The story goes, and it’s true,” she said, “that the Wind Fortress was the first to fall to the Powers. There were never many wind afareet to begin with, and they were weak and unorganized. The Powers demolished them. The survivors fled, most to the Ice Fortress because it was the closest. They didn’t welcome the refugees there, though, and the ice afareet were bitterly divided over whether to kick them out or let them stay. Naturally, their fortress was the next the Powers struck, and the wind afareet were accused of betraying it. To this day the argument is still going on.
“Nestea, Nanook, and Amarok were undecided at the beginning of the fight, but towards the end they had joined the side against the wind afareet. After their fortress was captured, the three split: Nestea was still furious at the betrayal, Nanook ran off in bear form and never came back, and Amarok was taken by the Powers. Apparently, they corrupted him; he appears to be working for them.” Akkavish grimaced. “Nestea hasn’t forgiven him for something; she hasn’t said what it is. The thought that she could find him after all these years…I think she got excited and lost control.”
“It was a terrible time,” said Feng. “And Nestea…it hurt her.” He appeared to be talking to himself. The feather patterns grew stronger and his eyes slitted and piercing. Akkavish’s hold tightened.
“How did it hurt her? Was she…” Archell glanced at the birdlike pupils of Feng’s almond eyes, both sad and angry for all that they were no longer human, and she knew.
Akkavish replied anyway. “The betrayal she saw, the loss of her closest friends, her family, and her pride. It was a terrible time. Amarok was her cousin.”
And then Feng’s arms exploded into feathers and his mouth a beak and his voice a wail. To Archell, it sounded almost like Nestea’s name, but it was so hard to be sure. He too ripped away from Akkavish, and she swore as he rapidly became a tiny black dot.
“Damn them. Damn it all. I wish that I could fly. You, girl, Archell, get Athanath. Now!” When Akkavish spoke, her tone as frigid and hard as Nestea at her iciest, Archell, for all her rebelliousness, ran.
Whoops. Double postish-thing. Ignore the first, there’s stuff in the second that clears it up.
Yeah, I sorta figured we had to get Nestea cleared away, because my version of what happened to her about three hundred years ago seems to lead fairly well to who she is now. If you have any way of writing it other than a big block-o-text, feel free to revise it. Please do, in fact.
I just realized that Ruby’s powers are very unclear and changed from the beginning of the story. So here are the two versions; you tell me which work better in the story.
Ruby version 1
The ability to sense the imbalance of energy and use the surplus according to her own will. So, she can snuff out the powers of other magic users and use it herself.
Ruby version 2
The ability to tweak probability. The more improbable something is, the more energy it takes to make it happen.
Both are VERY powerful. The point is that she has little or no control and will have to work for centuries to master them. Right now, Ruby version 1 can take in energy, but has a very small capacity and even less control over it. Ruby version 2 can make things happen if they are reasonably probable to happen by themselves. Altering the probability around herself (say, making it likely that she will guess right on a multiple choice test) is even easier.
Either way, Ruby just had a major (albeit temporary) power boost because she tried to use magic waaaay too powerful for her and it took over her brain. Please tell me which power Ruby should have, or suggest a new one that more or less fits in with the story line.
We might have to alter things abit hear. First, do you think Akkavish is stupid enough to warn Amarok what he is in for if he was her enemy? I’m willing to modify my post, but we need to straighten this out before we go on.
What is the RRR? Random Random Random?
Sorry. I had to say it. It doesn’t seem like anyone is staying on topic, though…
Leah! She’s not dead! *sniffle* JOY!
I thought Amorok wasn’t the enemy, just an interested party who wants to protect his own interests by training illusionists.
My post rewritten.
Akkavish’s head was realing, but she forced herself to keep calm. She had recognized the magic that took over right after Ruby’s disglamour had collapsed.
“It appears our problem is worse than I thought”, she said addressing all in the room, including Nestea, who was restrained by the black web that Akkavish had administered to keep her from going after Ruby. “Kentos is involved in this, and where Kentos is, Amarok is also.”
***
Kentos is Amarok’s subordinate, a sorceror who’s chief ability is teleportation.
Note: Amarok’s afareet form is an artic wolf. His name means wolf in the inuit language.
Now for something completely different.
Akkavish sighed and looked across the room. The only ones left were Hazel, Issy, her sisters, and Kitsune, who had just entered, a cheshier cat-like grin on his face.
“I alway knew she was crazy”, he pronounced, looking slyly back at Akkavish.
He never misses a chance to insult Nestea, does he?
Finally, she nodded, and began to speak. “I want you four to gather up everyone. We are going to evacuate to the thunder fortress.”
Issy blinked. “Everyone? Even Nanook?”
“Yes”, added Kitsune, “are you sure-”
“I trust Nanook very much, Kitsune”, Akkavish cut in before he could finish. “Nanook has control, unlike certain other persons.”
Kitsune grinned. “That’s not what I mean. Are you sure Akhmet will agree to take him.”
“If Akhmet doesn’t like that, it’s his problem. I’ll contact Shango to to tell hime we’re coming. Now go, all of you.”
She’s getting better Kitsune thought as he left. If she was really angry, she would say “I don’t give a damn what Akhmet thinks.”
I don’t have enough time to tell you much about Sango, exept that he’s a thunder afreet, works for the MUUAP, and commands the thunder fortress.
Hold on…what just happened?
122 (Phoenix)- Personally, I like Ruby 2.0 better. She has a more original power, and probability is always fun. I don’t think I’ve seen it in a book before.
Amarok Confusion- The nuance I got was that Akkavish was calling him commander-to-commander and wasn’t aware who he was working for. But that’s highly improbable. I like him better as an enemy leader, a sort of balance for Apepihotep.
129 (ChinTsu)- Don’t we have enough characters already?
Kentos is just a very, very minor character. I doubt he’ll even be mentioned again.
And Shango? Well thier’s got to be more than one commander of the MUUAP, doesn’t there? I wasn’t the one that brought Amarok in.
Amarok confusion: I wrote the first part because I didn’t see Penty’s note about Ehmer being in the captivity of the powers. It was a mistake on my part. That’s why I rewrote it.
We need an Ehmer or Rex point of view.
132 (ChinTsu)- I’d intended for him to be a minor character, and we do need more villains. I’m not saying we can’t have more characters, only that there is an upper limit and we’re soaring towards it at an impressive pace.
Is this thunder dude’s name Sango, as in coral and that girl in Inuyasha, or Shango, as in some word I don’t know? I’ve seen you spelling it both ways.
The requested Ehmer POV, continued from post 90:
“Ehmer,” he said to the other boy. He didn’t suppose his name could do much harm. It was just a word.
“Nice to meet you, Ehmer,” said Rex cooly, almost as if he’d hoped for a different response. “The Lord will probably want to speak with you, since the whole Fortress was preparing for your arrival.” He definitely sounded bitter now, though Ehmer couldn’t imagine what would make him so. He opted for the neutral answer and grunted nonresponsively.
The door opened so silently that Ehmer wouldn’t have noticed if he didn’t happen to be facing it at the time. It was the man who’d brought him here.
“Ehmer. The Lord Apepihotep wants to see you.” So Rex had been right. The other boy looked at him, unblinking, as he stood up and left the room.
The man waved his hand and the door slid shut again. Once they had walked a ways in silence, Ehmer said, “So, who is this Lord person anyway? And who are you?” It was probably among the more reckless things he’d said, but he was impatient with not being told anything. To hell with caution; he wanted some answers.
“Lord Apepihotep is the commander of our army. I am Amarok,” his guide said smoothly, not looking at Ehmer.
Congratulations on saying exactly nothing, Ehmer thought, annoyed.
Sango is an African thunder god, Penty. Your right we do need more villains.
and I’m not very good at that sort of thing.
Apepithotep is here! Not good. We better arrange for Ruby not to run into him, or we’re going to have one of those increadably cliched “I am your father” moments.
Yeah, tell me about it. Although he probably won’t recognize her, based on the fact that she is currently a homicidal dragon…
So what should I do with her? We need to plan this.
Agg! Did this thread die AGAIN? Come on, peeps…
Not yet, it hasn’t. I’m sorry, I’ve been under a lot of stress lately and don’t feel like writing.
Okay, I guess this story is in hiatus for a while. I don’t have much inspiration either.
Well, since we don’t have any new ideas, we might be able to do some editing. I think one of the main problems is we switch views every five paragraphs. I would be nice if we could focus on a single character for a longer time. It would smoosh our different writing styles better and make the story seem less fragmented. It would also be less hectic if we put in a little more organization. Chapters, maybe?
*poke*
You mean, like ÃœBER-SHINY MAJOR EDITING? ‘Cause I have been editing what we have, at least a bit. Mostly for grammar and continuity, though, since I felt I should ask before making any major changes. D’you want me to post a copy of what I have so far?
That would be great Penty! Just so everybody should know I’m changing Achmet’s name to make it sound more egyptian. It’s Akhmet now.
143 (CT)- I’ll add that, then.
Okay, these are the major character problems I’m having with the story right now. Plot rants will be posted later. (It’s awfully long, and I’m not about to do an in-depth critique of it because I have homework and it’s past one in the morning.) All views expressed within are from a strictly editorial perspective and should not be taken as a personal insult.
1. “The werecat”- This is one of my pet peeves with the revised version. In the original RRR, Ac(k)hmet was one of my favorite characters. He had it all: a good personality, a real personality, a human personality (despite the fact that he’s an afreet), and he was probably farkin’ hot too. He was jealous of Our Heroes, what seems to be a fairly realistic reaction. Here he is, powerful, young, trained, ready to do something great with his life, and then these little idiots come along and he’s expected to play second fiddle to them. His natural reaction would be jealousy, and that’s what he was, though it was badly written. Still, it was something. It was some real, honest-to-god character development.
Let us contrast this picture with the Ac(k)hmet of today, called ‘werecat’ as distinction. Aside from the fact that this positively reeks of Paolini (which positively reeks of Garth Nix, by the way), every little bit of personality the character had just got defenestrated. Instead of talking and interacting with the MCs, he’s suddenly always in cat form and can only talk telepathically to Issy and company. His snarky comments and jealousy have mysteriously vanished, and now he’s simply a furry lump for our favorite sorcerers to kick around rather than a living, breathing character. And that (sort of) brings me to our next big problem-
2. Mary Sues- We’ve all heard of them. They haunt our dreams (or nightmares). They’re beautiful, powerful, have tragic pasts, and suffer no consequences for their actions. Everyone loves them; if they don’t, they must be t3h ebil. The plot warps around them. They are the Mary Sues.
Our first example of extreme Suism can be found in Issy and her sisters. Beautiful and exotic-looking? Check. Powerful? If there’s anything magical Issy can’t do, I’ve yet to hear of it. Check. Tragically important pasts? Their parents died trying to protect them against the Powers. Check. Suffer no consequences? Despite all the poking in that direction, Issy has yet to pass out from her over-use of magic. Check. All the good guys love them? Not really, actually. Ehmer, at least, finds them quite annoying, and if Akhmet were a real character again, he would probably strangle them by now. Plot warping? Heck yes. They have to be in every important scene, involved in every major event. Check. That’s five out of six major characteristics. Sues? I’m leaning yes and definitely yes.
Obviously, we have to do something about the quartet. Why is it a quartet in the first place, anyway? Three of them seem to be there only to reaffirm how much SPESHULER Issy is than anybody else and get no character development and no plot relevance at all. And the Big I would have to be majorly reworked and several of her scenes entirely rewritten to save her from Suing. But they are redeemable. If Issy’s powers and overall wonderfulness are cranked down, she could turn out to be a pretty decent supporting character, and any sisters we decide to actually develop would do fine as well.
3. Overall lack of character development- There’s not much to say about this one. Our characters are sort of stagnant. They have profoundly confusing and new experiences, yet they remain basically the same people. That doesn’t happen. What we need to do is think about realistic reactions to this sort of situation and put them into play. Calm acceptance of the sudden overturn of your world is not realistic unless you’re a robot.
I’m just as gulity of these sins as most of you. That doesn’t mean I can’t try to change them. Please, read the rant. Give feedback on the rant. Add things. Subtract things. We are authors, authors revise, and we need a Revision Gameplan.
Oh, and by the way, keep writing.
Muchas gracias for your rants, Penty.
Since Akhmet is the first character I created, I have to admit I was a ticked off when he got labled a “wearcat”. I have read Eragon too, you know. As much as I hate to admit it, it was my favorite book once. Let’s make a few things clear. Akhmet is an afareet who’s second form is a “sand lynx”. ( I revised it from cat when I found out that sand cats are real animals.) This does not make him different from other sand afareet.
Penty, when you said (quote):
…positively reeks of Paolini (which positively reeks of Garth Nix, by the way), every little bit…
Were you meaning that Garth Nix sucks? Because “reeks” is a derogatory term, and Nix is teh fr00dy.
146 (Kiki)- No, I meant ‘reeks’ as in smells strongly of. I’ve been reading the Anti-Shurtugal rants, and it appears that the werecat (like everything else in that book) was taken from previous writing, namely Nix. He is a hoopy frood who really knows where his authorial towel is, though I’m not too fond of his books.
145 (CT)- At least you got over it. Akhmet is a perfectly normal sand afreet. He transforms into a sand lynx voluntarily, not were-ish-ly.
Well not exactly normal. Akhmet controls sand with his voice instead his mind, but that’s a genetically inherited trait, like Fengs ability to heal.
We hates Paolini very much now we does….