Grant O.’s How-Tos (Nos. 33 and 57)
How-to #33:
How to be an obnoxious teenager
1. Get some pants that are way too big for you.
2. Have them hanging down. Don’t worry, people won’t see your skivvies, because you’re going to have a baggy T-shirt untucked.
3. Wear dark glasses so you won’t bump into things. This probably makes no sense, but you don’t move. You just hang around.
4. Be sarcastic about everything.
5. Say “like” at least, like, 5 times in a like sentence.
6. Have a surly attitude and talk back to your elders. Heck, talk back to everyone!
7. Refuse to do anything that wasn’t your idea in the first place, even if you really want to.
How-to #57:
How to make a hopeless mess
1. Get a whole lot of junk, including model glue, sawdust, string, newspaper, pine cones, raisins, orange peels, gravel, vines, rubber cement, shaving cream, old socks, lint, paper clips, paint, wire, little bits of plastic, grease, cans, and an aardwolf. Ok, not an aardwolf.
2. Find an area that no one will care about it if you mess it up. This may take awhile.
3. Start by pouring the rubber cement on the floor.
4. Put down a layer of newspaper.
5. Pour lots of model glue on the floor. Add paint.
6. Randomly throw your other supplies onto the mess.
7. Come back an hour later and top the pile off with 10 gallons of egg white and sand.
8. Now attempt to sell it as a work of art. Good luck.
Date: September 17, 2005
Categories: Random craziness
