How-to #33:
How to be an obnoxious teenager
1. Get some pants that are way too big for you.
2. Have them hanging down. Don’t worry, people won’t see your skivvies, because you’re going to have a baggy T-shirt untucked.
3. Wear dark glasses so you won’t bump into things. This probably makes no sense, but you don’t move. You just hang around.
4. Be sarcastic about everything.
5. Say “like” at least, like, 5 times in a like sentence.
6. Have a surly attitude and talk back to your elders. Heck, talk back to everyone!
7. Refuse to do anything that wasn’t your idea in the first place, even if you really want to.
How-to #57:
How to make a hopeless mess
1. Get a whole lot of junk, including model glue, sawdust, string, newspaper, pine cones, raisins, orange peels, gravel, vines, rubber cement, shaving cream, old socks, lint, paper clips, paint, wire, little bits of plastic, grease, cans, and an aardwolf. Ok, not an aardwolf.
2. Find an area that no one will care about it if you mess it up. This may take awhile.
3. Start by pouring the rubber cement on the floor.
4. Put down a layer of newspaper.
5. Pour lots of model glue on the floor. Add paint.
6. Randomly throw your other supplies onto the mess.
7. Come back an hour later and top the pile off with 10 gallons of egg white and sand.
8. Now attempt to sell it as a work of art. Good luck.
Grant, what’s the total count of these How-Tos? Should you index them? Categorize? Put up a search engine?
I’ve got 60, with more I’m going to write. I’m not going to do anything further on the Internet as people might steal my stuff before I get it published.
I like, like the teenager, like, one.
How to be an obnoxious teenager:
WOW! That’s every waking person at my high school!
I like them. And that was a like as in “like” not as in “like.” That, like, didn’t make any sense. Like.
grant, ye just described my cousin. *hides* *runs off to rant on in CoMish*
i like them, too. Though, like, I don’t, like, know anyone like you, like, described. However, if the mess is rubber-cemented to the floor, how can you sell it?
charge for viewings,of course. likelikelikelikelike. Duuuuh. *falls asleep*
how was that for a good bit of teenagehood?
Rip up the floor, Mirjana C., that’s the best thing I can think of. Peace be with thee.
Hey everyone, thanks for your praise. I’m really excited about this. I haven’t been on in a while as my computer was messed up.
The Chairman wants to know if you like it enough to buy a book filled with how-to’s in the same manner. It’s a very funny book. The Chairman isn’t going to try and get it published until it’s finished, because if someone was paying me, I’d actually have to work on it, you know? And this is not something that should be worked on, it’s something that should flow.
Yes! they are really good, and extremely funny and creative. you should make sure an example is on the back of the book, though, or some people might not.
Great! I think I’ll make the example either “How to disembowel a snake” or “How to stop jerks from TPing your house!”
I want to hear those.
Those are a couple of my best, and I don’t want to spoil them. Surprisingly enough, they were some of my earlier material.
Like, totally publish a book. It would,like, be sooooooo cool.
funny!!! lol! publish a book!
(hey you forgot the strange habits of teenage girls saying stuff like “lol” and “hags” and random stuff like that. it’s lotsa fun! wheeee!!!!!!)
Like, you, like, can’t, like, publish, like, a, like, book. That, like, would, like, be, like, so, like, duuuuuuumb. I’m, like, disagreeing, like, with, like, what, like, you, like said, like, even,like, though, like, I, like, think, like, it’s, like, a, like, totally, like, cool, like, idea. Like.
I don’t enjoy that last comment. You’re making my self-esteem worse.
well that’s good. we’d hate to ruin your good grades.
Grant, you’re awesome! I would definitely buy a book of those How-Tos. Try to study some teenage girls too. Observe the extreme, sought-after thinness; the shirts worn low and/or sorta open; the shorts skirts*; the slang and dirty words; the general girlishness that pervades and invades nearly all living females except a fortunate few such as me. I am one of the sole few that remain unfazed by the media. I was spared by the mercy of I don’t know what.
*References to dress are based on girls at my school, the location of which I will not divulge.
Duhhhh…. Phoenix, I, like, liked your totally wickedly awesome comment in, like, post # 8. It was like so like so incredibly deep if you get my, like, drift. Duh. Like. yeah.
Ha ha!!! Those are really funny, and I’m not just saying that!!!! I almost never say stuff about things that I don’t mean, and never when I’m on the internet. Do the book!!!!
uh, yeah, uh, Woojakitty, I, like, well, like, thanks. And, uh, yeah. Yeah.
The girls in my class all hike up thier skirts above thier knees, and then pull ’em down if they get in trouble.
That’s really stupid. I know a girl whose really overwieght, and has a big gut, but she wears tight skirts below the gut, and wears tight shirts above it, and sometimes the lower part of her belly shows. It’s really disgusting, and too teenagerish.
(25) Girl like that at my school too. Thankfully only one.
21/25- the majority of the girls at my school are like that. how to be a stereotypical ditzy girl:
1. dye your hair platinum blonde. even if it’s already blonde.
2. get a tan. at a tanning booth. apply bronzer.
3. purchace clothes in only pink, white, and baby blue. other colours may be purchaced if they have cute sayings such as “that’s hot!” “want my number? 1-800-get-lost” etc.
4. make sure the clothes you buy are at least two sizes too small
5. lose 50 IQ points by bashing your head against the wall. such activities also burn 150 calories an hour!
6. refuse to eat anything that contains over 100 calories per serving. secretly binge on ben&jerrys
7. flirt, tease, be easy, etc.
8. spread rumours about other ditzes whilst pretending to be best friends with them.
9. ok, i don’t have a nine.
10. frequently use “omigee” “like, totally” “eew, loser” etc, in your everyday speech
11. only shop using your daddy’s credit card.
that’s all i have.
grant o., is this an actual book? or am i just gullible?
11- i would most definately purchace such a book.
Yes! Publish publish! That would be like so totally awesome, OMG! It would be such a fab book!
No seriously though. I laughed, hard.
I am totally telling the how to lose 10 pound one to my sister.
PUBLISH!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!
25 – they do that ALL the time at my school – gross
PUBLISH!
A seasoned homicide detective
Typing random numbers into the address can get you good places. I like the how-tos. There are more somewhere? *searches Museblog for how-tos*
Ha, these are cool. I would by the book, Grant. Go for it.