Friday, 26 April 2024
Life, the universe, pies, hot-pink bunnies, world domination, and everything
By popular request, a place to describe times when things (how shall we put this?) might not have turned out quite as well as one might have wished.
We don’t know why MBers seem so eager to talk about this, but we have a sneaking suspicion that this will turn out to be an unusually popular thread.
Date: April 24, 2010
Categories: Life
I was makind deviled eggs (yum!), and when I was sprinkling paparika on them I accidentally put cinnamon on one. M ymom made me eat it. It wasn’t actually that bad.
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Oh, wow, typos. XD
Also, HOLY CAKE that was almost a year ago.
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WELL GUESS WHAT. I FAILED AT GETTING FIRST POST. FOR THE, LIKE, THIRD TIME IN TWO DAYS. *sits down and cries*
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Oh well. Can’t think of any other recent fails.
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Fails…. I think I’ll be using this thread a lot. 
Today the entire sole of one of my Converse came off. So I had to walk to the subway barefoot. And attracted a lot of blank stares.
Also, a few days ago I was trying to make frozen potstickers. So I sauteed them in oil like the package said. Then it said to add water. So, not thinking, I didn’t question it, and when I put the water in, oil started spewing everywhere, and the phone started ringing. But I couldn’t answer it, because I was busy shoving the lid onto the pan and avoiding blowing up the house.
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I’d say: Not blowing up the house = Win.
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I agree. 
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Oh, I strongly disagree. 
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I think so too.
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Ah, optimism.
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Well, one of these days in P.E. we were finishing up and walking back inside. So, naturally, I don’t see a sign/pole and walk into it. It was taller than me…. Then, today I walked into a screen door. There shall be future reports on my continued failures.
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I’ve walked into a glass porch door several times (even twice in the same day, in the same place!!).
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The biggest FAIL I can think of right now was when we were telling bad jokes in orchestra.
A seal walked into a club!
(me) *thinks* a psychopath? *has heard wrong* *laughs*
Hahaha
A psychopath walked into a club… and killed everyone!
–> 
How did you get that?
Isn’t that what you said?
…No.
…Oh…
–> 
*draws plot diagram* Ok, so here’s the plot of your joke. A slant line for the rising action: A psychopath walked into a club. The top of the line for the climax: … And a straight line going down for the punch line. That joke was not funny. At all.
–> 
Orchestra = good times.
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How about my Schol Bowl fail today? (One of many, actually, but this one stands out.) The first clue of the question says that he was in To Have and Have Not. Which I’ve seen. And I know that they’re talking about Humphrey Bogart. The second clue says that he often starred with Lauren Bacall, which for me, makes it beyond obvious. Do I ring in like I obviously should? No, I sit there and wait for the other team to get it… Yeah.
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I just hit myself in the face with a door. Twice.
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Deliberately?
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No.
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I would hope not…XD
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How’d you manage that, then?
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I DON’T KNOW.
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Yeep.
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Too bad. If you could replicate it, you could turn it into a routine
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((Hey, aren’t you east coast? Shouldn’t you be in bed? Oh….wait. Who am I to talk….it’s nearly 3am here….and I’ve still not gone to bed.))
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I, uhh, was walking around singing Bowie parodies that I made up at the top of my lungs and pondering the meaning of life, and, erm, walked into the wall.
Yeah.
Here’s the parody:
(to the tune of Scary Monsters and Super Creeps)
Stormy weather, super leaks, keep on raining, pouring rain!
What can I say. It was raining, I was bored, my window leaks when it rains.
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Obviously, the meaning of life is…
Watch where you are going!
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OHEMGEORGE!!! Hi AlpacaLips!!!!!
My fail of the [right now] so thi isn’t a PoPo is spelling OhemGeorge OhemGeorde, then trying to fix it and typing OhemGeorfe, the trying to fix it again and typing OhemGeorhe, and again typing OhemGeorte, and finally typing OHEMGEORGE!
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This weekend, I have to write a paper, study for three finals, and practice for two juries, all within the next few days and all very important.
So what do I do all of yesterday? Watch Doctor Who and bum around on the internet.
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I’d say watching Doctor Who is a pretty dandy thing to do when your supposed to be doing other things. But you prolly don’t want my two cents.
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POSOC – I sympathize. I do that all the time. Once I managed to walk straight into a sliding glass door. In my defense it had been open ten minutes ago and it was dark out. My friends seemed to find it highly amusing though. Gr.
Most recent fail… As we were attaching the bucket to our beige for SciOly, I wasn’t holding the bridge and it fell, hard. So it was broken before we even had a chance to test it. I was really disappointed–we spent how much time on this bridge, ten hours? It didn’t even have a chance to do well or fail on its own merit. I wish they had told us that we could hold the bridge while the bucket was being attached, but that’s only logical and I really should have figured it out. :/ Luckily, watching my parter step on the bridge abd crush it into fragments made me feel a lot better.
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Science Olympiad: *sniffle* I hate it when things break like that. Especially our wind turbine for physical science lab at science olympiad, when one of the blades twisted right before our high-speed fan test (after a really good low-speed fan test!) and the judges wouldn’t let us just poke it back into place and the stupid turbine wouldn’t move. Urgh. That was not only extremely disappointing, but highly embarrassing as well.
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I hate when things mess up at the Science Olympiad. 
The one year I did it…I did the float-stuff-in-a-paper-boat challenge…and we did pretty well on that. I forget how we scored, but I think we got all or the marbles/thingies in.
Guess what? WE DIDN’T EVEN GET IN THE AWARD CEREMONY! I still swear something went wrong there, we should have ranked.
Also: I ran straight into a glass door once when I was 8.
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If were weren’t the sorts of people who hit themselves in the faces with doors, we wouldn’t be on MuseBlog. We’d be out winning basketball games or juggling torches on unicycles or something.
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“If were weren’t the sorts of people”?
A typo? Or just a word I haven’t learned yet?
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Oops. If we weren’t the sorts of people who make typos once in a while, we probably wouldn’t be people.
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What isn’t a word in that sentence?
-A
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It originally read “If were weren’t the sorts of people…” I’ll restore the correction.
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I walk into doors and walls all the time, and I’ve juggled stuff and ridden unicycles before, though admittedly not at the same time…
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A lovely queer person I know once tried to open a wall. In zir defense, the wall did look exactly like the door right next to it. Regardless, however, it was rather amusing.
-A
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In my school computer lab, there’s a tall narrow window that looks exactly like the door except for the knob. I tried to open it once.
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I’ve walked into walls, doors, large windows, poles, etc. etc
I’ve had many spelling failures. For example, I once spelt pretty as preety in an email to my English teacher…and then sent it. Also, I have once called my teacher mom. There are many many more…
.
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I think I’ve called most of my teachers Mama or Baba before…and so have most of my friends. Small school with students who’ve been there their entire lives, that tends to happen.
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14 –
When I take my necklaces off I hang them on a pushpin stuck into my bulletin board. So yesterday, I was thinking about something else, and I removed my necklaces and tried to hang it on the light switch. *headdesk* It was rather funny though. I laughed. Also, today I ran over my little sister while playing Wiffle ball. That wasn’t too funny.
Enc, do you want to post about the “Is that ME?” fail? Hm?
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SFTDP, I remembered another one: Yesterday I was all sad over breaking the pie dish, so Enc was like, “Here’s a virtual kitten.” And so I took it from him and pretended to eat it. Because I thought he said “Here’s a virtual cookie.” And then someone was like, “You ate the kitten!” And it was a fail.
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Hmm, fails? Where to begin…
Well, a recent one was less of a fail but more of a random act of craziness, which seems to happen quite often in my life. ( ) We had to perform these skits in Latin, and about five of us had to walk through a few hallways from the Latin classroom to the bathroom to get changed out of our togas and into our regular clothes. Unfortunately, this also happened while people were changing classes, so we were literally sprinting through the hallways tripping all over our togas and got a lot of really weird looks. Twas hilarious, though.
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Sounds like me clopping down the hallway in my Goodwill heels and 40s checkered dress, last year, being a Jewish person for History Day. Oh, and I was pushing a clothing rack with a sheet draped over it. And carrying a blue pot.
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There were a couple of girls at my school walking around in togas all day on Friday. I think it might’ve been for a sports team.
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I got a 101% on a test, and felt inferior because all of my friends had gotten 102%-105%.
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I got 104% 
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I got 104% on a test and my average went down 0.2%.
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Girls in togas? Yes, that is a fail.
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Okay, fine, some derivation of togas.
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Are you referring to my post or Tesseract’s or both?
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Hey, girls in togas are thoroughly win.
-A
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20.2- Both, I suppose.
20.3- I’d have to disagree. For a woman to wear a toga was a sign that she was a prostitute. A stola is what a Roman woman was expected to wear, depending on a plethora of other factors.
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Really, eh? I’d better change my costume for the school alphabet countdown. A toga it is!
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Oh, whatever. When I said “toga”, I meant any type of Roman attire, although I should have clarified. I, for one, was wearing more of a stola-styled dress, and there were a few guys in the group of crazies running through the hallways. (not going to the same bathroom, but still)
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Speaking as one who has had to wear togas (and batheing suits) for outdoor drama productions, yes, that is completely, utterly, and totally a FAIL
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Most recent: begging permission go into the VIP section of an event twice to look for my brothers when they weren’t even there. (Maybe more of a fail for the security guards for letting me in twice without a ticket)
And of course, the movie I saw last night was perhaps the most famous Successful Fail in modern history…
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KaiYves- What movie was it?
Well, for my fail, I frequently pluralize words that end in the “us” sound by changing them to “i”. Such as, “Stegasauri”, or “Rhinoceri”. And then best part is that I don’t even know Latin…
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The singular of “rhinoceri” ends with “os”, not “us”. It’s originally from Greek, so the plural would probably be “oi”.
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(Unless you’re talking about two rhinoceroses, in which case you’d use “rhinocero”. Yay duality!)
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No, I meant that if a word in its singular form ends with an “us” sound, like in Rhinoceros, (I know it’s spelled with an o, but I pronounce it “uh”) then I pluralize it by changing it to an “i”, which is how it works in Latin. Sorry if that was confusing.
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It wasn’t confusing. I understood what you meant. I was just being picky and saying that you should pluralize Greek words correctly.
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If I did it correctly, why would I post it on the fail thread?
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I pluralize “Prius” as “Pri-i”.
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22- Why, Apollo 13, of course.
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The events depicted therein are a successful fail(ure), the movie itself is decidedly a success.
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Hehehe. I thought you were talking about Avatar or something like that, because I know a lot of MBers hated it.
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On Thursday I was drawing something, and I said to my friend, “I think that this came out okay, but not as good as Magnolia’s magnolia. That was pretty pretty.”
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I don’t know if you’ll be able to outdo yourself on Magnolia’s magnolia…it’s the most beautiful part of my room right now!
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My Fail of Today….
After having taken the French DELF B2 exam at the Alliance Francaise, I came out of the room to find my former teacher there. This is what happened:
Him: Tu as passé ton examen?
Me (thinking of the English ‘pass’, as in succeed): On espère. (Because of course I hope I passed the exam, it’s only once a year. Eeep!.)
Him: Non, non, est-ce que tu as passé ton examen? (taken, not succeeded)
Me (after finally waking up): Oh! Oui, je l’ai fini.
My excuse – I was stressed out after the exam (actually not that much, but STILL) and wasn’t really concentrating on what he was saying. I think he thought afterwards I somehow got worse at French, because he said something about how I should take B1 ‘if’ I don’t pass this one (B2).
Anyway, just thought I’d share that with y’all.
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That sounds like something I’d do. I’m not too good at French.
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Well, that’s just it. I’m usually pretty good at French, except my brain was all tired from the exam. That’s why it’s a fail, because I wouldn’t normally do that.
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WOW! A place to view non-obscene FAILs!
A while ago, my sister was in the car with my mom, and saw a truck with a HUGE decal advertising fire safety. The man inside…was smoking a cigarette.
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Yes, that is definitely a FAIL.
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My fail just now that was in a conversation:
Armada: Ah! Yay for rain. XD
We had homemade pizza for lunch…
me: I had homemade pizza about three months ago…
Armada: XD Was it good?
me: I don’t remee=bern, sadly.
Wow, I just killed remember.
Armada: *stares* O_O *laughs*
me: UYaeh.
I killed yeah too.
* headdesk *
Armada: Yaeh! ^_^
me: Yaeh!
Armada: I sorta like that.
me: Me too. Wait. Like what?
Armada: The Yaeh.
me: Oh. Fail.
Armada: Wait, what did you think I meant?
me: I have no idea.
Well, that’s what my life is.
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*laughs* Yay for our failed conversations!
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Ha i just found this (strangely enough, I was also chatting with Armada):
me: Okay that is an interesting prospect.
 My mom is laietbibf to NPR.
  *listening
  Wow that was sad.
Armada: Laietbibf?
  …..?
me: I meant to say listening!
me: Wow! I know!
  Yay it’s my daciurite ain’t!
  I mean my favourite song!
 Armada: ….. O.o
((It’s probably due mostly to the fact that I was typing on an iPhone…))
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You guys, please keep the references to off-blog contact to a minimum.
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Sorry…. *coughcough* Keiffer started it! I only replied to her comment!
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I have this big Modern Hebrew test tomorrow, and Hebrew is not my strongpoint. So what happens? I get on the bus to go home, and just after we turning on to the street from the driveway, I realize that I left my Hebrew notes in my locker. AAAAAHHHHH!!! *Panics* Luckily, I live about 2 minutes away from my school so my mom was able to drive me back to get the notes on her way to do my brother’s carpool. *Phew!*
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Modern Hebrew? Like contemporary Hebrew, or all names for modern gadgets and stuff? ‘Cause I could maybe do the first one, but not the second… XD Do you go to a Hebrew school or something?
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Modern Hebrew meaning contemporary hebrew. Not biblical – that I’m better at, I get that in other classes. No, not the names of gadgets . And yes, I go to a hebrew school – a private school, actually.
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Heh. Cool… I don’t know if I know Biblical Hebrew either–my mom speaks to me in modern Hebrew, so that’s what I’ve learned. (She only speaks to me and my sister in Hebrew, and has done so since we were born. Therefore, I can understand it almost as well as English, though not speak it so terribly well. XD)
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Reposted from the first March random thread this year:
As part of our IlluMimiNati “spread wonder†mission, I went to the school library during my study hall today and printed out three copies of the official poster for the STS-131 space shuttle mission. (We’re only allowed to print three pages in color each term, color is expensive)
(This is the poster in question, it may take a while to load: http:// sfa. nasa. gov/MISSIONPOSTERS/ sts131/STS-131 %20poster% 20lores. pdf )
So I went up to the desk to get my printouts, and the printer tray’s kind of hard to see unless you lean over a bit, so I asked the teacher behind the desk if the printer was working.
He looked over at the same time I did, and got a quick look at the poster before I picked them up.
“You like Stargate?†He asked.
“Oh, no, this is the poster for the next space shuttle mission.†I showed him the posters again.
“Well, I only saw a little bit and it looked like Stargate.†He said.
So, yeah…
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Fail on the OTHER TEAM’S part in gym class today.
We were playing Capture the Rubber Chicken, and I’m not too athletic or fast. So I was just standing in the back, near the “flags,” bored, because there was no one in jail to guard. Then I decide to go on the other side, not really caring if I get tagged. So I walk over the dividing line. No one notices. I keep walking. And no one notices, or chases me. So, I was able to walk completely unmolested to the other people’s jail to free the dude in there. Then when I started walking back, this kid on my team yelled, “OH MY GOD SHE WALKED OVER!!” and started falling over laughing. So yeah. It was funny. Am I that unnoticeable??
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You probably are that invisible. Most normal people go up to 7 or so on the geek radar. If you’re geekier than that, you’re invisible to them.
And I think we’re usually around 13ish.
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That is hilarious. I have a fail-on-the-other-persons-part story like that, too.
See, at the Japan Fest there were these two gothic Lolita/Lolita girls walking around, so I decided to go talk to them after three hours of watching them discreetly. I was telling them about my fountain wading epicness and how I am a ninja, we were just talking about things. Then I noticed my dad taking pictures of us so I slip off to say hi to him. In the middle of the conversation. And when I get back, Strawberry Lolita girl and Gothic Lolita girl were like “Whoa, where did you disappear to?” and I’m like “Uhh… I was right over there talking to the dude with the camera.” and Strawberry goes “We didn’t even notice you weren’t there! You really are ninja!”
How the cake did they not notice me disappearing in the middle of a conversation?!?!?
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My friend and I talking in French…..
((me))~ Qu’est ce tu vas faire pour le weekend?
((my friend))~ ….Oui…tres bien!
:)~ Euh, it means what are you doing for the weekend…
:shock:~ Fail.
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Me and Alpaca:
Alpaca: **whacks with tube**
Me: Ow, that hurt!
Alpaca: No it didn’t.
Me: I think I’d know if my head hurt because you whacked it with a wrapping paper tube, thank you very much.
Me and my little sister:
Me: *walks behind Sister*
Sister: *steps backwards onto my toe*
Me: Hey, what’d you do that for?!
Sister: *proceeds to explain exactly why she stepped backwards*
Me: AAAAAH! *headdesk*
Me by myself:
“I think I’ll get the pizza. With the vegan cheese. Yay! Ok sorry sorry that wasn’t funny.” *trips* “Well that was fail.”
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That made me laugh, so I guess you are funny.
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Yay! Thank you!
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Strange. My code’s crashing when given pre-1970 dates.
EPOCH FAIL!!!
Unfortunately, I cannot take credit for this – but Randall Monroe (xkcd) can. Thanks, Randall!
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i can’t find my card readerrr and i have pics of the railroad tracks to put up! and time to do it! >.<
also i need to write a short story today ugh
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I don’t know if this is a FAIL, but I keep confusing Pseudo with Sudo. I mean, they sound the same!
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I do too, so I call her Nym.
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I don’t. They’re spelled differently, so despite the same pronunciation they feel different when I think them….
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I only get confused if I’m with, like, Maggie, who sometimes calls Pseudonym “Pseudo” despite being her sister, and then I turn around. Now we all call her Nym.
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I made up that nickname! I like that nickname.
*pays PoPo fine in advance*
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I keep getting confused when someone refers to P_M as “Maggie” because a lot of people used to call me that. It takes an initial “What? I don’t know this person IRL” until I remember. Every single time.
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Ohhh. What’s your real name?
“and maggie discovered a shell that sang
so sweetly she couldn’t remember her troubles, and…”
Found that poem in my ELA folder today.
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I still have that poem. I hated it.
Evil ELA teacher (portrayed as :evil:) failed while I was talking to her today.
Me: Can I go get my binder out of my locker?
Yes.
Me: Thanks. *leaves to get binder* *comes back*
You have to write an Ode for homework tonight. Make it about something you are passionate about.
Me: What?
I just told all of you.
Me: But I wasn’t here.
Where do you think you were?
Me: I went to get my binder out of my locker.
No you didn’t.
Me: Yes I did…
No, you didn’t. I’m sure of it, now start making a concept map. NICK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT OF YOUR SEAT.
Me: *sits down and shrugs*
Nick: I was getting a drink of water!
We never get out of our seats, never. This is prison. Tais-toi.
That really happened, and I have to say I am quite proud of it.
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That sounds like her.
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Yeah…. When Princess_Magnolia is talking to us, she goes “Hey Sudo/Pseudo!” and everyone gets confused. (Sorry. That was random)
Fail of the day: Trying to steal the ball in soccer. Tripping. Ball going past goalie into goal.
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I got an A- in science. That’s the only class I’m not in accelerated, and I’ve ranted on how easy it is. I got A’s in everything else…. Classes I consider to be much more difficult…. I think I don’t do enough homework
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I got A- s in ELA because I kept skipping classes for History Day. OH NO WAIT, I got As in ELA ( A+s last quarter ). I got an A- in gym. *headdesk*
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I have As in everything except art, of all things. The art is in 4 sections. The first one I think I got an A, the second an A-, the third an A-. The third is mainly because M is in this class and I can’t perform scenes in front of a small class. But I can in front of a full house. So now I need an A in the 4th section to hopefully get an A. I just can’t mess up on finals.
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I managed to hit myself on the head with a car door I was closing earlier today. Fail.
Then I discovered I’d forgotten to return my mother’s library books.
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Ok, today we we were talking about these animal bracelets that everyone is crazy about in my school, no, my district, and I metioned my one that is shaped like a moose, and, as I was in an extremly random mood, I asked the person that I was talking to what the pural of moose was…. No one in my homeroom knew! Did I metion that not only a third of my homeroom, including myself, is in accelerated classes, but we also have the winner of the spelling bee in my homeroom, and I am in 8th grade? That’s the biggest fail I can think of right now….
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well, maybe that’s an over-generalization, but still!
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The plural of a moose is moose…..
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Yes, but they obviously don’t know that.
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Le gasp! We have that bracelet craze at my school/district!
They’re just rubber bands in the shapes of animals, but you can’t tell once you put them on- they just turn all squiggly! Amiright?
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Oh my gosh. My friend’s little sister has like five hundred of those. WHY?! Okay, so I’m prejudiced because I am allergic to latex and those things nearly killed me, but still. Why are they so popular?!?!?
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My friends and I agree that it’s someone’s *cough 
cough* malicious attempt to take over the world.
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Yeah.
Hm, I wonder if there’s a bunny shaped one, and if it’s pink.
I own one, and I like it, because it is kitteh shaped, but I can’t touch it because I’m allergic to latex. Wah. *pokes at kitteh shaped rubber band* *fingers swell up in reaction to latex*
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*takes bracelet* *exterminates*
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But it’s a KITTEH-shaped one!!! *wails*
Oh well. It wasn’t a very good kitteh shape. It looked like an angry kitteh.
*stays far, far, away from rubber band bracelet thingies*
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My little sister has a hot-pink one shaped like a bunny. ‘Tis creepy. I stay away from her…
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O.O They are taking oveerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
Once I walked into a sliding glass door. My tooth slided through my upper lip. Then, while I was in the shower five minutes later, my mom put up a piece of paper towel on the door to prevent any further accidents.
…And then my cousin walked into it.
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Me, too! I don’t get what the big deal is, its just a fad. You know what? Every time we see one, we should go up to the person and say, “You just wasted your money on latex stretchy things.”
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I personally find them entertaining. Especially the rhinoceros-shaped one that a friend mistook for a parrot on a branch.
Speaking of that, that’s a FAIL!
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I know, I like them, but they are too expensive. I figured it out. It’s twenty-five cents for one. I also figured out that so far, we have had 0.8 R&R threads per month this year. Is that a fail or a win?
I might have calculated that in April so I don’t know…
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Oh, my school too! Except all the band nerds have instrument rubber bands. iwantonesobadly. But imagine a flute one. Sorta boring, no?
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OH MY GOSH. I WANT AN INSTRUMENT ONE. And why are they so popular everywhere??
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MOOSEN
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MEESE
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MOOSI
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Moosé!
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Or MOOSER. From German.
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There’s a thousand plurals you could use if you’re using German pluralization rules. German pluralization gets complicated.
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Ooh, the part of my brain that comes up with the strange things wants me to say “MESS”. Shiny. I might use that.
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You know…
If you have too many moose they might make a big mess…
Does that make any sense? It does to me at least.
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Okay. I’m looking at that post, and thinking, ‘I could have written that’.
Seriously. Part of my mind is always coming up with strange things, I describe virtually everything with ‘shiny’, and the rest of the post is phrased in a way I could have written.
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We must kokon if it is at all possible.
Mess mess mess….. Multiple moose make a mess… *walks off laughing at self*
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MEESE
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MOOZE
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MOOSES
Which is used SO MUCH MORE than meese; thank you very much.
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MOOSENS
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In Arabic, it could be amWAS.
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Those animal-shaped rubber bands? They wear them in my school too. What state do you live in?
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Commenet on comment: First of all, this post is not against learning about bullying prevention or anything like that, it’s just our school seems to go over the same bullying information OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. It gets extremely boring when you can tell verbal bullying from emotional bullying in your sleep. So here’s my class fail.
Actual comment: Because our school was having a bullying assembly today, all the classes revolved around learning about bullying. In first period we were asked to “draw the perfect bully”, to see how people perceive bullies, they aren’t easy to spot, blah blah blah, etc. One kid drew a terrorist, complete with a plane dropping a bomb.
FAIL.
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No, I’d definitely say that’s a Win.
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EPIC WIN! ‘Kay, maybe it wasn’t what the teacher intended, but still…
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Yeah, I know, but it gets annoying when everyone in the school calls anyone who is Mexican a terrorist or migrant worker.
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My gym teacher’s fail:
A
Shows good conduct and effort. Is a pleasure to have in class.
This is for a girl who stands on the sideline and in the corners and does the exact minimum amount of work required. But I guess I do a good job of making myself seem invisible that he doesn’t even know who I am…
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That reminds me: In my report last year, my evil English teacher (known to my SSSSs as ) ranted about how I didn’t have friends in the class and sucked at groupwork. Um, ? Just because we’re completely invisible unless I’m done something wrong, doesn’t mean we’re not friends. And we did everything individually.
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I told my parents that latin was my favorite subject. On parent teacher day my latin teacher tells my surprised parents: “I can never tell if she’s sleeping or awake after all, but she always knows the answer when I call on her.” Heh heh. I love latin. It’s so …resting.
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My friend in French class: Bon Voyage!
Me: ARIGATOO!!!
FAIL.
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!!
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My best fiend’s fail last night. And, no, he was not drunk nor doing drugs. he’s just weird/crazy/hilarious.
So yesterday, we were making videos for no particular reason hen we noticed my fiend was running around the basement with his mouth open. When we asked him what he was doing, he said he was trying to catch oxygen in his mouth.
FAIL
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*friend
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*pays PoPo fine*
Nice Spock gravatar, Maths Lover!
I has it on mes iPod. Is pretty good movie…
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In my Japanese After School club, we learned a song about “Teru Teru Bozu”, or “Shiny-headed monks” to sing when it rains. I wanted to know what it meant, so I got out a Japanese to English dictionary. I accidentally looked up “tero” which means terrorist.
Terrorist monks, terrorist monks,
come and make the rain go away…
tralala…
FAIL
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Nice.
Terrorist…monks. Um.
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Terrorist monks? Thats a total win!
Actually, most fails are wins when you think about all the humor potential in them. I guess thats the philosophy of slapstick…
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Wow.
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I don’t sleep in class. I really don’t. But the first time I fall asleep in class for about 10 minutes: the proof of the fundamental theorem of calculus. Fail.
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My school gives a bunch of general knowledge tests during the year on various subjects. Today I had a Jewish History one, which I did not study for because a) I had no time and b) these tests usually aren’t too hard.
The passing grade is above a 75%. I got a 72%, thus failing by 3 points.
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Today in English class we had to write myths. First line of someone’s myth: “It ’twas thy year three thousand hundred B.C.” It was pathetic.
Fail of the day: Trying to explain Kokonventions to one of the bubbleheads. I think I killed her.
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Legaspe. There are so many things wrong with that sentence, I don’t know where to begin.
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Yeah. I was honestly quite horrified. Because this is one of the more intelligent people in the class.
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First, It and ’twas don’t add. “twas” is a combo of It and Was, so it said It It Was…
The, not Thy. It’s not the reader’s year. The reader is most likely not the inventor of years or a divine entity. And what are you doing bringing After Christ language into a Before Christ myth?
Three thousand hundred does not make sense. At all. Unless you multiply 3,000 by 100 and get 300,000.
300,000 B.C? Right when Homo Sapiens evolved? Myths back then? Possible, but not likely.
Why even add the B.C.? 2000 years give or take won’t really matter, and you bring religion into the mix. Could have said “It was about 300,000 years ago.” What was about 300,000 years ago? The setting? A plot hole?
A super-cliched way to start off a story. Could have added something like “To clarify, a year equaling 365 human days. Not a light year or seismic year or vast things like that.”
That was probably mean. Ah well. Apologies to your classmate. Apologies to you if said classmate is not a classmate of yours.
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“It it was your year three thousand hundred BC.”
Wait… “three thousand hundred BC”???!?!?!
FAIL
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Okay, this was back in 8th Grade, but it was still a terrible fail on my part…
What the other kid said “…thousands of people killed in Auschwitz.”
What I heard: “… thousands of people killed by ostriches.”
Me: “Killed by ostriches?”
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That’s a fail, because it was a million people. A MILLION ( which I guess is thousands, so whatever ).
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*headdesk* Ohhh my gosh. I was just chatting on Gmail with fireh and SudoRandom and I was typing “You should wear blue PANTS” to SudoRandom but I accidentally hit tab or something, so I accidentally typed “PANTS” to fireh. And then hit enter. So our conversation looks like this:
fireh: Ok.
me: ….Yeah….
fireh: -_-
me: PANTS
That is so embarrassing.
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Now whenever you type something stupid, we can just yell PANTS at you!
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Ha.
Plus I just meant to type “laughed”, on Gmail, but instead I typed “last”. What the cake??!
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And you said “First it was shwaaah, and now they’re like shweee.”
Then I failed, by falling over in the middle of the bus onto someone who was trying to get out the door. XD
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You mean it hadn’t been an attempt to revive a dying conversation?
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Commerce class fail: We learned how Coca-Cola was sold in Australia in 1937, 50 years after it was first sold in the USA. Mrs P asked us when it was first sold in the USA, and people yelled out anything but 1887 until someone finally said it. I don’t know if this was some bizarre experiment on our participation in class or she was just lazy/tired, but it was a fail.
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The fail of all fails:
Me: -stands on chair- L! Get me a French book! I am your king!
L: -hands me book- Yes, your highness.
M: You probably shouldn’t stand on the desk, It’s dangerous.
Me: Nonsense! I am royalty! Besides, it’s the chair, not the desk.
M: Well, they are connected.
Me: It’s not the desk, it is a chair!
[I then take a lare step onto the next hair over, heading back to my desk. As I am about to step again, I semi-leap, miss, and collapse on the floor, knocking the desk three feet over and whacking my leg.]
A: Ahhh! Are you okay??
Me: Hahahahahhaahhahahahahahaha I’m totally fine hahahahahhahahahaah
M: I told you so!
Me: Ow. Ahh hahahaha oh my god I can’t stop laughing
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Today I wrote “Jadestone” on my scantron test instead of my real name, and had to erase it.
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NICE
I’d say that’s a win.
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That’s amazing.
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I’ve introduced myself to people as “Fireh” before. Or, more commonly, “fireandhemlock1996”. Which is a complete and utter fail.
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i still say it’s amazing.
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Yeah, I guess it is. The other day it was SO FUNNY
“Hi, I’m fireandhemlock1996. Wait, no, sorry. I’m Jen.”
“Uhh……?!?” *runs away screaming*
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By the way, how do you pronounce Fireh? I pronounce it FIE (as in eye)-rehh (as in egg)
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Fee-reh.
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I just failed five minutes ago when I was brushing my teeth. I picked up my toothbrush, and took out my retainer (I put it on the sink).
Then I started looking for my toothbrush and I freaked because I thought it had fallen in the toilet or something. Then I realized it was in my hand. I think I zoned out for, like, ten minutes after that being mad at my little sister for making me think my toothbrush was missing.
Then I laughed.
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I can’t really call that a win. But it’s still awesome.
The sad thing is, I’ve done that too.
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Nice, Keifz, real nice.
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No, Magnolia, ’tis KEIFZ not Keifz.
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KEIFZ, KEIFZ, KEIFZ, KEIFZ, KEIFZ
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My two-year blogeversary was today, and by the time I remembered (9pm), the random thread was down. FAIL.
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Ouch.
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I failed yesterday at the Mexican resteraunt.
I love tamales, but am allergic to beef. So we ask what meat is I’m the tamales-pork- and I remember than the sauce had beef in it. So, I order tamales with no sauce on it.
The tamales come with no sauce all right- just beef sitting on top of the sauce-free tamales. XD
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Despite being on the computer all morning with the date displayed rather prominently at the bottom of the screen, I still failed to notice/remember it was May until 11:30.
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Automatic swear filters on websites can create some amusing fails.
I tried to post a link to a story about the GOCE satellite with the title “‘Sexy’ GOCE Spacecraft Will Try Again For Launch”, (Because in a previous article, the site’s editor had called GOCE a ‘sleek, sexy spacecraft’, and was promptly told that sounded stupid.) But the link didn’t go through, because… the URL included the word “sex”.
Another time, same site, I wrote “On its last flight, the Space Shuttle Challenger was commanded by Dick Scobee.”
When I hit submit, I see: “On its last flight, the Space Shuttle Challenger was commanded by [CENSORED] Scobee.”
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That’s hilarious!
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One of my friends has a last name of Cock-Foster, but on social networking sites they[this is a correct pronoun, ther’s two of them] report having a last name of C**k-Foster.
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57.1- In the former case, yes, it was hilarious, in the later case I was hurt, as I had been trying to write a serious memorial piece.
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This morning I was the only one awake in my house apartment, and since I was hungry I decided to make myself an omelette for breakfast. The first egg went in fine, but the second I somehow smushed so that it collapsed unto itself and splattered the egg inside all over the counter, the walls and my arm. Fail indeed, no? I cleaned it all up though, afterwards, and the omelette was delicious.
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I would be so mad if that happened to me.
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I wasn’t mad, exactly. It was kind of funny, to be honest. And it didn’t take too long to clean up, so that wasn’t an issue…
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That’s like when I throw myself at rosebushes when I’m playing kickball. Then I start laughing, while I’m on my back, squashing flowers, lying on a brick, with thorns poking me in the head, and a stick in my shirt, while Pseudonym is scoring four runs.
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Yeah, it’s weird how sometimes if you do something that’s sort of bad, you don’t really care and just can’t seem to stop laughing about it.
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One of the biggest fails of my life:
(This isn’t the exact wording, just the general idea of what happened.)
BeauKate: BR is a great song.
Me: BR? Bad Romance?
BeauKate: No, Bohemian Rhapsody.
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OhmyGEORGE HOW COULD YOU???
I forgive you though.
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WOW. You’re right, I have been spending too much time listening to KISS 108.
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Someone go poke her face, po-po-poke her face (now now now now)
Someone go poke her face AHHHHHHHHHH!!
I mean, really!
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth……pseudo likes Lady BlaBla.
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I REPENT! * bows down to Freddie *
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Can’t read my, can’t read my PoPos this place
Can’t read my, can’t read my PoPos this place.
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Fails….I walk into doors, poles, lockers, other people, etc. And trip over my own feet. A lot.
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You sound like my little sister.
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I do that too. XD
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60.2.1.2- WIN.
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Thanks!
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Last night, reading an article…
What it said: “After splashdown, Conrad kidded Cooper.”
What I read it as: “After splashdown, Conrad killed Cooper.”
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FAIL: Last Thursday, I was running inside the house, and slipped in front of the fridge because of some spilled water. My feet toes feet were jammed under the refrigerator and it HURT. I couldn’t get them free. You know that metal grill under the fridge? I gashed my big toe open on that. A chunk was practically severed. My toe was purple for the next couple of days. It did not look like a toe. I was limping everywhere. (At least I got to miss a day of school). This was the latest in a long line of injuries including twisted hands, a twisted ankle (limping on both feet is fun. Not) , and bruises accumulated form walking face first into a corner.
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That sounds painful. Extremely.
My toe’s still black from the time I dropped a plate on it. Which was like, a week before Valentine’s day. On… The ninth of February. I really need to paint my toenails, but we don’t have any nail polish in my house…
It’s the attack of the kitchen appliances! They’re out to get us! *cue spooky music*
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That’s…a really long time. I hope my bruises don’t last that long.
And of course the kitchen appliances are out to get us; they have a world domination plan too, just like every other single reputable group out there.
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Yep. Nearly three months. It’s really just my toenail, and I’m pretty sure that toenail’s going to fall off sooner or later. It’s rather scary.
For the first week or so it was green and purple and blue, different on different days, but then it settled into a black, which it still is.
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That must have bee one hell of a plate… I once banged up a toe by dropping a block (the pulley thing on sailboats) on it, but it only lasted two months or so… My popcorn maker is out to get me. The lid is slightly damaged and idiotically constructed so that it spews popcorn in random directions which is more frightening (and later embarrassing) than hurtful but it’s a sign. And the fact that my microwaves seems very inclined to sparking inside and blowing up butter…
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Eh, not really. A simple glass one, actually. The edge of it hit my toenail and the toe beside it, it scraped up the toe beside it, bruised my toenail, and fell on the floor. The plate didn’t break, though!
It’s not the worst toe injury I’ve had. It doesn’t hurt anymore, hasn’t hurt since not long after it was injured, and doesn’t bother my at all, otherwise. It’s really nothing, compared to the time I broke three toes, in the other foot. While playing the version of Cops & Robbers where you don’t tackle each other*.
*My friends and I play two versions. One where you bring Robbers in by force, and the other where you don’t. We were playing the second. I broke three toes. Yeah.
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Yes, good ol’ cops and robbers- those were the days, when I got dragged across half the playground by my braid and started kicking people in the shins… Funny though, the “worst” injury I ever had wasn’t when I broke my collarbone but when the jib sheet snapped (long story) and I was standing right next to it to drop the sail. Hello hematoma (basically my entire right lower leg. Very unpleasant on a sailboat).
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I can’t wait until I’m old enough to make popcorn without the lid in my own apartment like Calvin and Hobbes did. ^^
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I made popcorn without the lid a few weeks ago. Not intentionally, however.
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Was it fun? WAS IT FUN!?!?!?
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*shudders* EIHGHIII!
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It is rather gross. I really need to paint over it, so I stop getting questions about the fact I have one toe painted, and all the rest bare.
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I once dropped a rolling pin on my toe, but it was a really long time ago and I forget how long it was black for.
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I just read that as: That sound beautiful!
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I managed to lock myself out of my own room today. >_<
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65- I got locked inside of a bathroom in Italy and I was freaking out. (Because nobody in the restaurant except my friends and I spoke English and I didn’t want to miss the bus to our next destination.)
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Fails:
There was a kid at my camp last summer whose initials spelled PMS. The worst part was, he was a boy.
A while ago my mother and I were leaving the house in a rush and she said, “I’m not bringing my keys, so don’t shut the door behind you, okay?” I nodded and two seconds later I promptly shut the door behind me. Thus, we were locked out of the house for two hours.
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Threre was a moving service called: PMS.
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Today I put my flashdrive into my school computer to find that a bunch of my files had mysteriously been corrupted and several corrupted files had been added to my flashdrive (I seriously suspect the downstairs computer). So I went to one of the school’s technical assistants and asked her if she could do anything. When I came back after last period, she said that she had gotten most of the files back and deleted the junk, but she had been unable to recover my Journal file.
This is the second time this year that I have lost my Journal. The first time was in November when I lost my flashdrive. Luckily it was the beginning of the year so when I got a new flashdrive I was able to reconstruct what I had posted and continue on from there. But now I’ve lost the entire year’s worth of entries! *sobs uncontrollably* I know that I should have put the backup on a seperate disk or floppy or something, but I never got around to it. You would think that I would have learned from the first time.
COMPLETE AND TOTAL EPIC FAIL
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Maybe you’re cursed?
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I just remembered a fail from a while back…
So, Keiffer and I were going to the movies , and we went to go buy tickets for 2012, which was rated PG13. The person working at the theatre charged us the kids price (for people ages 12 and under) even though we were alone.
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Today I was out playing kickball in the back yard with Pseudonym, in flip flops and a knee length skirt. She kicked the ball into a forsythia and I ran into the flowerbed to get it. Actually, I ran through the lilies. And there was this planter full of old rainwater that I STEPPED IN on the way. So the water splashed all the way up my legs and up my skirt and I started screaming and leaped out of the flowerbed, yanked off my skirt, and then kicked off my flip-flops while running towards the house in my underwear and screaming. Then I went into my room and grabbed a towel and frantically dried my legs off, still screaming and freaking out. THEN I finally stopped screaming and just lay on the ground breathing. Then Pseudo came in laughing her head off. I can just imagine how that looked to her. It was GROSS.
It’s making me laugh now, though.
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A few days ago one of the bubbleheads told me that she dreamed that I punched her in the face.
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70, 71- Amazing.
Oh! I have a couple of my fails/my friend Kat’s fails.
The first thing that my friend Kat ever said to me was “I THEW IT AWAY!” in a sobbing/traumatized/slightly hysterical tone of voice.
Kat thought I ate the bear statue. (:?:) Which would, um, have been very very strange.
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Popular girl fails that I have witnessed (Warning: extremely pathetic):
((During gym class)) “We are getting beat! That is UNALLOWED!”
((During Science class))
(K) Wait, which cells are we? Animal or plant?
(Teacher) We have animal cells, K…
Wait, we’re animals?!
(Rest of class)
(Kid who sits next to me) No, we’re plants, stupid.
–>
A while later…
If you make a plant cell diagram, you get extra credit. So instead of getting 100 out of 100 points, you could get 105 out 100.
Wait, but Ms. S, isn’t that an improper fraction?!
It’s rather sad.
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In the vein of popular fails:
(my friend Atalanta) (to me): Ow, how’d you get that scratch on your leg?
(me): Oh, I tore my leg open on one of those bleacher corners. It bled for like fifteen minutes but it’s not infected or anything.
: But doesn’t it hurt?
: *pokes* Meh, kinda.
(popular girl Io): OH MY GOD! I BROKE A NAAAAAIL! Ms. Dance Teacher, I CAN’T dance today!
: … Dear God. I quite honestly thought that only happened in bad Sue parody fanfic.
(Helen, my popular English partner): Oh my God, didn’t you love that Romeo and Juliet movie!
(still me): Oh. My GOD. So very. ((Yes, I do have the ability to talk to plastics like one of them on occasion.))
: And Leonardo diCaprio!
: Oh my GOD. ((One of the useful things about this phrase is that it can mean absolutely anything.))
: It’s… it’s just like the plot of Titanic!
: *suddenly has hope for humanity* *prepares to launch into lecture on how Romeo and Juliet has impacted many other works as part of the forbidden love idea, and any romance book or movie will probably be influenced by it*
: It’s like James Cameron sent Shakespeare a message from the FUTURE! Wait, what were you saying?
: …Never mind.
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In Astronomy class, we had to do a webquest about Air Force investigations into supposed UFO sightings in the 50s, and at the bottom of one page, I wrote “Most of these reports are really vauge or just people seeing funny lights. I’m not impressed.”
My teacher gave me a 110 on the webquest… but in my comment at the bottom of the page, he crossed out “funny” and wrote “nocturnal”, which is true, but changes the intention.
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I mixed up Nixon and Clinton today- the reasons for their impeachment, that is. FAIL
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Now, I know very little about Star Trek, but I’m pretty sure this is a fail:
The guy who came to demonstrate the new projector our school wants to get for our planetarium described it as “Completely easy to use. It’s just ‘Make it so, Scotty.'”
Isn’t “Make it so” what Piccard says, and Scotty is from Kirk’s crew? Because if so, that’s a fail.
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It’s an utter fail.
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Maybe not an utter fail. Picard didn’t invent the phrase “make it so”; naval captains have been saying it for a long time (and presumably continue saying it in space, in the Star Trek future), so it’s conceivable that Kirk could have said it to Scotty. But there’s no recorded instance of his having done so, and it’s clear that the writers of the original series never would have thought of putting those words in his mouth. So certainly fail, and possibly major, but perhaps not utter.
(It’s a bit like “Elementary, my dear Watson” — something Sherlock Holmes said in movies but never in the original books.)
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Today, I brought an unprotected paper out in the rain. You may hear more about this from Enceladus, and possibly Artemis the Huntress.
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In this Sunday’s New York Times, there was an article about the Space Shuttle Endeavour, (Spelled the British way, because it’s named after Captain Cook’s ship), but they spelled it the American way, without the “U”, which is WRONG.
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My maths teacher, who was on her laptop at the time, asked my class what the Undo shortcut was. IN THE MIDDLE OF A TEST.
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That is one of my favorite shortcuts EVER .How can she not know that??
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“My maths teacher,” huh? A fail within a fail.
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No, that wasn’t a fail. In most countries, including Australia, where Maths Lover is from, math is called maths.
(Failed Fail. :P)
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“Can I go to the windo- I mean the bathroom?” – What I just asked my science teacher.
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I just popped another kickball. RARGH. It is the third one in less than a month. STUPID, BLOODY THORNY MOP EVIL CREATURE OF A THORNBUSH!!!! DIEEEE!!!!
I am now going outside to attack it with a chopper.
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Wiffle bats don’t destroy thorn bushes well.
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Princess M.: You need to learn to control your superpowers.
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Probably. Nym can kick it even harder than I can, but with her it just usually lands on the porch.
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My friend at school:
“We could, um, decorate the – what are those called – oh yeah, the bathroom.”
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I fail at cooking. Yesterday I burned a frittata. Today I undercooked some vegetables. XD
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How exactly is that failing?
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I just moused over Raw Materials to read the mousover text. Fail.
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Okay, this did not happen to me or to anybody I know, but it was on a Space Camp alumni forum and the guy who told it swears it’s true…
So, this guy went to an adult program at Space Camp and special-ordered one of their flightsuits. (Which really look very much like the ones the actual shuttle astronauts wear.) He really liked wearing his flightsuit, so he chose to wear it on the plane flight home from the camp.
Now, since he was an adult traveling alone, he couldn’t pick who he got to sit next to on the plane. The lady who ended up being his seatmate saw his flightsuit and asked him if he was a real astronaut. (On a commercial flight? In business class? Flying to Chicago?)
He thought the lady was joking, so he decided to play along and told her in a sarcastic voice that yes, he was really an astronaut. The lady didn’t get the sarcasm and said she thought she’d seen him on TV once. He said, truthfully, that he couldn’t remember ever being on TV, but the lady INSISTED she’d seen him and asked about his last mission.
The guy still assumed she was kidding around, so he sarcastically described his simulated missions at Space Camp without saying they were simulations. The lady was listening very intently, and at this point, he realized she actually was serious. So finally, about half an hour into the flight, he finally spelled out for her that he was NOT actually an astronaut.
Yes, a very serious fail on that lady’s part.
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XD WIN
And fail.
I’m pretty sure this fail isn’t true, but it’s hilarious.
So, two college students were late for a chemistry exam. They told the teacher that it was because their car had a flat tire. The teacher said, it’s ok, I’ll make a shorter test so you can go to your next class. He put them in separate rooms. Their tests read
For 5 points: What is the molecular structure of Ammonia?
For 95 points: Which tire was it?
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At one of the People to People orientation meetings for my Australia trip, we each had to interview one other student in the delegation and write down what they said in our notebooks…
Me: “Something something Jacques Cousteau.”
In the other girl’s notebook: “Something something Jack Kosto.”
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In physics class, we supposed to compare the efficiency of a microwave vs a burner vs an immersion heater without actually using them (i.e. think it through). This was the hour before lunch break, so my group got more than a little distracted. Our solution: It’s impossible to put an immersion heater in a potato and microwave gulasch doesn’t taste good. FAIL
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In physics class, we supposed to compare the efficiency of a microwave vs a burner vs an immersion heater without actually using them (i.e. think it through). This was the hour before lunch break, so my group got more than a little distracted. Our solution: It’s impossible to put an immersion heater in a potato and microwave gulasch doesn’t taste good. Everyone in my group has an A in physics and we’re the four girls with the highest GPAs in our homeroom. FAIL
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And FAIL for the double post.
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I was making Corn Bread and I put in baking soda instead of baking powder! It turned out all brown/black and volcanic. I reminded me of Mordor!
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I think I’d put that on the WIN thread.
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G-gollum wantsess some burnsey blacky breadses, yesss we doeeesssss…volcanic is how we likes its, issn’t thats right, precious? Yesss, we will get the hobbitsessss in due time, yes we wiiiilllll…..
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One of the English teachers just did an impression of Gollum in elective. * tries to rid self of memory *
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Bookgirl_me turned Gollum!! *goes back and reads over the Garlic War*
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I did that once, but mine only tasted funy.
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Wow… I just read this as a response to Nym’s post.
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2 fails in one day fishy! Tsk tsk tsk. *wags finger*
Fishy: Were you at lunch today?
Me: ….I’m the one that hid your backpack….
Fishy: OH YEAH!
Fishy: OMG KRISTAAAA!!! I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU SINCE SATURDAYY!!
Me: What are you talking about? I was in Atlanta, Georgia visiting my cousins over the weekend….
AM I REALLY THAT INVISIBLE!?!?!??!
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No, no, I feel that way too. It’s okay. People that don’t notice you are FAIL.
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Phew. I’m not the only one…FAIL FISHY FAIL.
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My memory is like a soupy, zig-zagged time line where it’s all a blur. I don’t even remember what day that was.
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On another site, a guy started an RRR thread that was set in a dystopian 2030s where an evil president was trying to kill off all superheroes. One of his rules when starting the thread was asking nobody to reveal who the president was, as he wanted to reveal it in one of his own chapters.
Another guy posts “SPOILER ALERT!” and a picture of Ronald Reagan. I see this and laugh out loud.
But the next couple of posts on the thread are all people going “I don’t get it” and “Who’s that man in the picture?”
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This week we (my sister and I) were doing our testing-thing. We were finishing all the tests extremely early, so my mom told my sister she could go back later and check over her math if she wanted to.
My sister goes back and checks her math. The next day-
Mom: Isn’t that f+h’s answer sheet?
Sister: *looks at sheet* No, it’s mine.
Mom: *looks at sheet* No, it’s fireh’s, unless your name is fireandhemlock.
Sister: Ohhh riiiiight!
Me: Ohcake ohcake please tell me that you didn’t go over your math with MY answer sheet….
Sister: Well, I thought it was my answer sheet!
Me: *headdesk* Yay. I get to re-do my math test.
Later, my mom was saying that my sister was a caveman whose brain was 1/3 the size of the brain of a modern human. Then I started laughing. I have a honk-like laugh, and my sister likes to call me a duck.
Me: *laugh*
Sister: She’s a duck! She’s a duck!
Mom: That makes your brain one third the size of a duck’s brain!
Sister: *cries* I’m not stupid!
Mom: Then what about the answer sheets?
Sister: *cries* I’m not stupid- THEY LOOKED THE SAME!
Mom: And what kind of person would say something like that?
Sister: BUT THEY LOOKED THE SAAAAAME!
Me: *laughs even harder*
Sister: She’s a duck!
Mom: Are you sure? Your brain is one third the size of a duck’s brain?
Sister: *wails*
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I just remembered this: At the Kokon, the waitress asked me my name and I replied with, “Silver Lining.” Such a fail.
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No, actually, that is such a win.
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That is a win! Definite win!
Especially as it was at a kokonvention. XD
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I just stepped on one of my knitting needles and gave myself a nice foot piercing. And we didn’t have any band-aids, so I had to pull down the first aid kit to get gauze and tape instead. Also I have one, two, three, wait, FOUR mosquito bites. Maybe more. Thank you summer camp.
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In my science class we had to raise a “sunken” soda can from a tub of water, without touching it. The first thing my group tried was Wingardium Leviosa.
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Are you sure that wasn’t a win? Did they do that seriously or did they do it as a joke?
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A few days ago during track practice we were telling our coach how many miles we had run the day before.
Me- “I ran 400… wait, 4”
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Heh, I did that too on the MuDoSo thread (MB do something month) thread, using , instead of . for telling how many miles I ran.
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96- Heh, I’d have tried using the Force.
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90.1.1.1 I pity you and the class you sit through.
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I failed a sex ed test on the parts of the body that I have.
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Well, there are… um… technicalities… that might slip one’s mind… *can’t get any more specific without GAPA Zap*
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Yikes.
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“1. Arm.” “WRONG! That’s your radius!”
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Heh heh…well, I got a 83% but the teacher failed almost everyone anyway. And to think it’s the lowest score I’ve ever received on a test…
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Your teacher can fail the majority of the class AND an 83%? That’s definitely a fail.
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I didn’t study at all, though, so I suppose I deserved it.
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On a Marvel fanfiction board, one of my friends wrote a story with the character Black Widow in it. One of my other friends wrote a very nice comment… but he started it off by saying:
“You write Black WINDOW so well.”
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My art teacher thought Chuck Norris was a newscaster on Channel 5.
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Is your art teacher still breathing and intact?
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Barely.
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*facepalm*
I’ve been on here over a year…
And I just realized that Speller 73’s name isn’t Speller 37, which is what I had thought ever since the beginning.
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Meanwhile, all this time I’ve been thinking that your name was Ecnedalus.
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That sounds like some kind of really embarrassing skin complaint.
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I once trouble logging in until I realized that my account name isn’t bookgril_me.
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Sorry, I had trouble logging in …
No once. Grammar FAIL
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Argh. You’ve just wounded me inside with that one.
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Yesterday during a soccer game, I was running backwards, and I ran into a goalpost. While a team that six boys from my school are on was practicing twenty feet away.
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Today, I played D&D so long I went outside and was like “Where did all this stuff come from?!?!?!”
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It’s about time to take a break when you’ve forgotten what trees look like. How long did you play for?
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Sadly, not too long. I was in there for maybe… two hours? Mind you, the whole time I was confined to one small, crowded room that smelled of nerd and of other slightly less pleasant things, reading D&D books and helping other people make their character sheets.
Also, I didn’t forget what trees looked like, I was just like “Whoa! I forgot about all this outside this place has! Look! A foursquare court! Trees!”
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Yeah. I’m about to start a game in a few minutes, as it happens… but the room we’re in has two windows onto my backyard, so we have a “reminder.”
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My high C got cut from the show. The reason? I was “overpowering the entire cast”. It’s a 30-person show.
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go you! you’re officially too cool for school
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You must learn to control your superpowers, Grasshopper. The Banshee mutation is a powerful weapon.
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Heh heh…
I had to write an advice column in 5th grade; the title was “The Sage” and I called everyone “Grasshopper”. Is that a fail?
Today I called a tall person “tall person” without thinking. I managed to turn it into a strange phrase: “Hey, tall pers–*oops*–look, a tall purse! Oh, you just missed it, but that businessman walking by had an extremely tall purse. It was purple–a tall purple preposterous protuberant purse.” I garnered plenty of strange looks.
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I wish I could’ve witnessed the look on his face.
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Popular fails:
(Popular) You should cut your hair.
Because you made that remark, I’m not going to have a haircut for a while.
(Not really a fail, but funny nonetheless)
Your hair is so… 70’s!
I like the 70’s.
So?
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That…doesn’t make sense…
Fail: My friend told me that someone wrote “Kick My Butt” in sidewalk chalk on the ground, with an arrow pointing to the back of a guy on a bench. Or is that win?
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Well, it’s because the populars are close minded enough not to take into account what the person they’re giving advice to actually likes.
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100:
Ouuuuuuch. Frankly, I’d be too embarrassed to answer any of the questions, but how do you fail with 83%? There would’ve had to be only several questions on the test.
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Yesterday:
“I’m making enchiladas! I mean Enceladus! No wait, hold on, I actually do mean enchiladas.”
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How is that a fail? That should be on the WIN thread.
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Hey, I was going to post that.
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@ my piano recital today: I play all the way to the the last few measures of the song. The hard part is over that I had been worrying about and I take a deep breath. I’m almost done. The hard part is over. It’s gonna be OK. Then…. SCREECH! A part of the song that I’d never ever had trouble with before has me stuck. Maybe I’ll try again and will work this time…. SCREECH! Oops. Ummmmmmm…. *awkward silence* My piano teacher leans forward with my music, trying too find the spot where I am. I just make a quick decision and skip the note altogether and keep playing to the end. FAIL.
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I once colored a picture of Santa in 4th grade.
I made him black.
About my entire music class wanted to kill me; and my music teacher thought it was pretty cool.
(I think that’s a FAIL; although it is in my definition, maybe not yours.)
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I used to draw my people’s skin orange or brown instead of black and white/pink, until I went to school and the kids teased me until I drew my people like everyone else.
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That’s a WIN, b=not a fail.
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In the Pond Studies class during the field trip there was a boy in my group whose hair closely resembles Nym’s. Dialogue as follows:
Hey Nym, could you pass me that net please?
Um…
–> 
Oops, sorry, Jon!
FAIL.
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Once, These boys thought i was a boy, And said ” DUDE! How did your dreads get so long?” I gave him a wither look.
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113- One time at our school, a magician came to do a magic show, and he chose me as a volunteer, saying “Yes, the boy in the striped shirt!”
I told him “I’m a girl.” and everybody laughed.
Later, he called on a boy with long hair and thought that boy was a girl. Everybody laughed even harder.
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Some idiot in my Commerce class said I was gay. Last time I looked, I was a girl, and not only had I just been drooling over Spock, I’d been telling J about how I misheard some people in another class who were talking about something perfectly innocent, which completely grossed her out, and laughing hysterically.
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In the July issue of Astronomy magazine, there was a letter in the Q&A section asking “Why are all of the pictures of the Moon I ever see in black and white? Why don’t we ever see any of the moon in bright colors?”
Um, that would be because the moon IS, for the most part, black and white…
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On one of the 333 Ways to be Kicked Out of Wal-Mart lists, it said, “307. Redecorate the Rollback Smiley Face so he is green with neon pink eyes.” I read up to the word green and completely freaked out, because I was thinking about Mr. Joe. After coming back to my senses, I finished the sentence and realized it wasn’t a Museblog reference.
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I went to look at that.
I really want to go to Wal-Mart and just lie on the floor and pretend to be dead.
Or do Gollum imitations. That would work too. The funny thing is, I thought of doing that long before the list pulled it out.
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Not only is it a Mr. Joe but a bunnified Mr. Joe. O.O
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I was looking at one of those trashy magazines the populars read, and they made a Captain Kirk (yeah, they don’t have any taste in guys either)/ Klingon reference. They said it was from Star Wars. Look, Star Wars is the one with Darth Vader and the Force. Star Trek is the one with the idiotic Kirk and Vulcans *drools*. At least mix them up by doing the Vulcan salute and saying “may the Force be with you” or something.
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Some teacher in eighth grade who was supposed to help us choose classes for High School asked me about my interests. When I said I liked Star Wars, she asked “Can you do that thing with your fingers?” and failed to do the Vulcan salute.
“Yes, I can.” I said, and demonstrated it. “But that’s Star Trek.”
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Oh my GOD I thought I was the only one with this problem.
Fortunately, I’ve managed to breach the ignorance somewhat- three of the girls from my Math class now know the difference. I also warned them against the dangers of nerdrage from those not as forgiving as I. (I wanted to make a “The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am” joke, but it would have gone over their heads.)
Seriously, I understand that not everybody is into SF, but come on… Star Trek and Star Wars are practically part of our culture by now.
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Yesterday I was playing Hangman with Lenny, and she was losing horribly…. So I decided to add some features to the guy to keep her going, and this is what happened:
“Okay, this is Count Dracula….This is his bat, which is actually a fake mustache in disguise….this is Count Dracula getting mad because his bat is really a fake mustache…..this is Captain Kirk being mad because his fake mustache ran away to be a fake bat instead…. this is – wait never mind you guessed it.”
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My dad nearly sent Miles O’Brien an e-mail with the subject “It was nice to meet YU”. I giggled when I saw this, but my dad had no idea what I thought was so funny and asked why I was laughing, so I finally had to say “You spelled ‘you’ wrong.”
If he had SENT it like that, that would be a major fail.
And, a fail of a less comic sort…
When you enter the space galleries at the Cradle of Aviation museum, there’s a sign on the wall that reads “Imagine! Grown adults thinking people can travel to the moon!” So I read that, I chuckled (because it’s a fail in and of itself, which is why it’s there) and I kept walking.
Now, there’s a really cool room where they have what would have been the LEM (lunar lander) for Apollo 19, if that mission hadn’t been canceled, on a simulated moon surface with cool subdued lighting to make you feel like you’re really there.
The docent in that part of the museum had actually worked for Grumman when they were making the LEM, and I impressed him with everything I knew about Apollo. But then, he said “I don’t think we’re ever going to go to Mars.”
So I said “Why?”
“Because it takes six months.”
“Well yeah, with chemical rockets. But with nuclear rockets, it’d only be three months.” (And then maybe one month if they refine it a lot.)
“Eh, those will never work.”
Says the guy who put people on the moon.
Fail.
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Me: “That’s a bit homophobic…”
M (extremely annoying person) : “I’m not the one that’s homo.”
It was half angry-making, and half just sad. * is not really sure what to think*
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You want Star Wars FAILFIC (can I coin that? Failfiction?) go to youtube and check out JibJab’s YouTube Star Wars: A New Hope JibJab.com.
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Does posting a day later count as a double post?
Well, I have a FAIL4U. My dad and I were driving in his *new* Chevy Traverse (it was so expensive, we’ve nicknamed it ‘the travesty’) and I put on the only Adam Lambert song I like. Normally I like classics, but I dunno, it was my weekly obsession at the time. Anyway, I put it on, and dad’s like all rockin’ out, kind of bouncing in his seat. Then he goes “Oh, awesome song! Who is this?” I go “Adam Lambert.” He coughs a couple times, starts swerving (it was a long stretch of empty road, but we had a trailer hitched up) and yells “AHHH! Isn’t he the gay one? CREEPER! CREEEEEEPER!” and I just look at him like …………
Another FAIL.
So I’m in the car with my mom and 7-yr old bro, and we’re discussing camp and how expensive it is for her to send letters to me. She goes “I’ll just send one with you with rules: Don’t get into fights, don’t kill people with your awesome black belt moves (“Moooooooommmm!”) oh, and no sneaking off into the woods with the girl campers.”
So here I am, thinking ‘Why me?’ when Adam (my brother) goes “Sooooo…if you had to sneak off into the woods with someone, would it be a boy or girl?” And I’m in the front seat with mom, I just look over and express shock. Mom’s laughing, so I took the whole thing a little further and said “Mom, I have something to tell you…..”, and we were laughing so hard the whole car shook, and Adam was just like….”What?” because he has no CLUE what he just said. ADAMFAIL.
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Reposted from an old Random Thread:
Friend: Hey, Rosebud! *peace sign*
Me: Two? Two what?
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I was talking to a girl in my PE class about guys, what our types were, etc.. She said she didn’t watch Star Trek and was a “vampire girl”. So we started talking about Edward Cullen’s ugliness and she said she liked Jacob. THE WEREWOLF. FAIL.
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Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We ended up parallel to the dock, and she got out and started pulling the kayak out, and I was pushing it along the dock, sitting in the kayak. Then it tipped over and I fell out into the slightly filthy river. XD
Also, I now have a slight Converse tan.
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“A very rare cat, the Chinese mountain cat is a well- proportioned cat-sized cat.”
I was searching on THE ALMIGHTY GOOGLE for wild cat species-and this came up. XD Redundant FAIL.
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Cat-sized cat? FAIL!
Is my dad singing “May the Bird of Paradise fly up your nose” with a strong country accent in a Japanese gourmet restaurant a win or a fail? I can’t decide….
(Lyrics:
May the Bird of Paradise fly up your nose,
May an elephant caress you with its toes,
May your wife be plagued with runners in her hose,
May the Bird of Paradise fly up your nose!)
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It’s both. It may have been embarrassing, but I don’t know anyone’s dad who would willingly do that. Thus, win and fail simultaneously.
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No, that is most definitely a win. But the cat-sized cat is a complete fail!
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Rather than join in the general floccinaucinihilipilification, I’d like to put in a few words in favor of the cat-sized cat.
In this sentence, “cat” has two meanings: (1) its scientific sense, a member of the family (felids) that includes tigers, leopards, lynxes, etc., as well as the furry, purry animals who consent to live with us; (2) the familiar housecat, Felis domesticus, whom so many of us love and serve.
Here, the juxtaposition of those meanings doesn’t strike me as a mistake. I think it’s deliberate. The sentence as written is understandable (having read it, you know that the Chinese mountain cat is about as big as a housecat and not, say, twice as big, as a lynx would be) and compact. The word “cat” is fun to say, and reading the sentence aloud lets you say it three times. There’s always a possibility that I’m mistaken, but offhand I’d say that this is a witty, well drafted sentence written by someone with a flair for English prose.
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Four times.
And, of course, it could be an obscure, roundabout Portal reference to “Sediment shaped sediment” and “fish shaped fish”
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This happened in science class in 7th grade. I have no idea where my brain was at that moment.
Teacher: Can someone define camouflage?
Me: Well, it’s sort of… blending into the bathroom. (I meant to say “background”)
Teacher: Running into the bathroom? Well, I guess that’s sort of it…
Me(realizing):No! Blending into the background! Background!
Double fail. Me for saying it, him for hearing it differently.
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Found on another site as part of a collaborative fan-fic I’m helping write:
“C’mon, I misspelled “Cronkite” and I’m a freaking journalism major!”
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A guy on another forum I visit started a thread to share his ideas about how he didn’t believe there were any extraterrestrial civilizations anywhere out there. Unfortunately, he didn’t proofread before he submitted the thread, and the forum’s software doesn’t let you edit a thread title after it’s been created, so the title of his thread is:
“There Are No People In The Universe”
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My genius move of the morning:
I’m not exactly sure how this happened, but somehow a drop of my deodorant got into my left eye. I spent most of the morning flushing my eye with water, and then with Thera Tears Eyedrops in an effort to clean my eye. It worked, but my eye is still a bit sore.
EPIC FAIL
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Reading over, this is very, very long, so just… erm, sorry. Unintentional (a word I started to write, then deleted, forgetting its purpose).
At around 11 AM, I read the most recent comments on this thread. Then, immediately afterward, I went to look something up in the dictionary. As soon as I opened it, I happened to see another word I found interesting, and then another, etc, and by the time I finished, I forgot which word I’d meant to look up in the first place. I found it odd that this would happen right after I read this, and I decided that meant I needed to post it. I went to MuseBlog, saw a link to an old thread, and then proceeded to spend most of today looking at old MuseBlog threads that aren’t used anymore. I’d forgotten I’d originally came here to post the other… That’s 2 fails in a row, directly after reading other people’s fails. I seem to be distracted easily and have a bad memory.
I… er… Was about to post something else here, but I forgot it. No, seriously. Wait, never mind… I remember now. And it will soon really look like I’m just making these up, as there are so many, but I promise I’m not. So… *literally nearly forgets again and wonders if she should seriously begin to worry now, but doesn’t forget, really* *wonders if that was even legible* this fail isn’t actually mine. Well, actually, yes, it is. Sort of. Maybe. But I was taking a math test (No, that isn’t what I failed.), and after various methods of procrastination (such as Googling the P versus NP problem—I wonder if I’m the only person ever who uses math as an excuse not to do math…) were employed, I answered about 20 of the 46 questions.Then, I accidentally dropped the computer (which was a laptop), and the internet did some odd thing where it stopped working for a few moments. When it came back, the window was gone. I had no way of getting it back. I’m going to have to retake that test now, so I did it for nothing. *sigh*
And then, just now, I was removing bits of paper from my wall, and I decided things would be much simpler if I had the recycling bag (we use a paper bag, not a bin, which is what I originally wrote) with me. I went to go get it, and I couldn’t find it. For most of the day, my mom had been absent, and I somehow forgot that she’d returned (although I’d just spoken with her) and that it was so late at night, and thought that she was gone. Forgetting that my phone wasn’t charged up and wouldn’t work, I tried to call her to ask where the recycling bag was (not something I’d do normally; I’d just wait until she got home, as it would hinder her and be a WOMBAT to me. I think I need to go to bed, except that I can’t. Yet. You’ll see why…) and, well, failed, because it wouldn’t turn on. I couldn’t find the charger, so I decided to use my brother’s, which is in his room, and ask her.On the way to his room, I found the recycling bag, so I picked it up with one hand, holding the phone in the other. I decided not to call my mom, and just ask about the charger when she got home—as I thought she wasn’t home—when the recycling bag tore. I decided I needed to call her after all to ask what to do about what happened (I nearly put ‘ask what happened’ here). In his room, the light wasn’t on, however, and the light switch only ever turns the fan on (because he set it that way, not because he can’t get proper lighting. He can always easily change it back if he wants. His ceiling fan has the 2 cord things… Which you definitely have heard of, but may not think you have, as I’m not describing it very well), so I brought my flashlight in. It barely worked, which is a fail on its part. Once I found his cell phone, I was about to call my mom when I realized that I should ask his permission before using it. He was in the bathroom, though, listening to loud music with his headphones in, and the fan was on in there, too. When he does that, you have to shout in order for him to her you.
I shouted, “[INSERT NAME]? CAN I PL—” before realizing that it was past midnight, and my parents were asleep like normal people rather than gone, so I probably woke them up, and definitely would have if I’d finished and actually called. I finished with, “OH, WAIT, OOPS! NEVER MIND,” then took my phone back to the room with the recycling bin and, coincidentally, the computer. So I’m sitting here with a broken recycling bag next to me on the floor, and all its contents splayed out beside it, with my phone lying not far away. I’m trying to decide where to put the paper, because I don’t know where we keep spare paper bags, or where else I could put it all. I can’t just leave it here, because of my dog. On top of all this, I really need to go to bed, and I just remembered that I ordered something online July 14th and, for days, meant to ask the customer service/chat thing/whatever it’s called why it still hasn’t come. I should do that… But I won’t. I’m too tired, and I think this dilemma will keep me awake long enough.
Does anyone want to count the fails in this post? Not that I can see why anyone would, but I put that in without thinking, and I don’t feel like removing it. But I don’t even want to try counting… Though I should probably mention all of the typos that were originally here, and bits of important information (that is, crucial if you want to understand anything in this extremely unimportant post) that were nearly left out. Anyway, I certainly seem to be failing frequently today. Very frequently… So, yeah. *facepalm*
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I have days like that. Don’t feel bad. *huggle*
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Everyone gets forgetful sometimes. *nice calming music that puts en to sleep* *and keeps dog out until morning*
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I remembered one from camp:
I was walking out from a restaurant near the college where we had dinner, and I was absentmindedly reading the sign that said: “WARNING: LEDGE”. I promptly walked off the ledge, which took me off-guard, and got up to see a random diner laughing hysterically at me. His wife gave me a thumbs-up.
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I was baking some banana bread, and the recipe called for one cup (two sticks) of softened butter, so I put out some butter to soften. A few minutes later, I grabbed the sticks of butter… One was only slighty softened, but the other had been out for several days, so my hand kinda went through it….and I ended up with a lot of butter mushed on my hand… and everywhere…
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That’s not that bad. You can clean it up, and the banana bread will still turn out fine. My sister, on the other hand, once baked a cake and put two cups of lemon juice in instead of 2 tablespoons. It tasted…pretty interesting. *gags at the memory*
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my brother once baked cookies with his girlfriend. They forgot the flour.
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Two cookie-related fails:
I was at my friend’s house making cookies and the recipe involved putting half the flour in first and setting the rest aside to add in the middle. Well, we finish mixing everything, roll out the cookies, and look at the 9 lumps of very sticky dough on the sheet. “How many cookies is this supposed to make?”
“Thirty-six.”
“That doesn’t look like 36 cookies.”
*looks at cookbook* “Step four: beat in remaining flour.”
“…Oops.”
Cookie fail number 2:
My sister was about 10 or 11 and had a friend over. They wanted to bake cookies, but my mom was out of town and my dad had to take me to a doctor’s appointment. He told them they could make the dough but that they were not allowed to use the oven when he wasn’t home. So, they set about getting out ingredients and we leave. An hour later when we’re in the reception/waiting area again, about to leave, my dad gets a phone call. Here’s what I could hear:
“Hi N… What? Smoke??…N, you can’t BAKE COOKIES in a MICROWAVE.”
The nurses at the reception desk all started laughing.
Then when we got home the whole house smelled like smoke.
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I did that once. The cookies actually tasted pretty good.
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My friend and I once baked muffins. Without eggs. They tasted a lot better, so now whenever I have her over, we make Eggless Muffins.
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I was driving my friend’s golf cart at her house once and her little sister was standing on the back. When I pulled a sharp turn at high speeds she went flying. I immediatly stopped the cart. I thought I killed her! When we got to her she hopped up and said, “Let’s do that again!!”
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Okay, so we were at the park a while ago. I was sitting on a bench reading, and there were some kids playing hide-and-seek nearby. Suddenly I heard a kid’s voice -it sounded like the Empty Child. Really.- going “I can seeeeee you!” just like the Empty Child does, and I started freaking out and looking for the kid with the gas mask.
It took several minutes of looking around and not seeing any gasmasks before I stopped freaking out.
FAIL.
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I think that’s more of a win.
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Oh, definitely. I had a similar oh-crap-the-Whoniverse-is-stalking-me moment yesterday. See the win thread.
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I put off my homework until today, and then decided to go shopping with my mom. Chem is never going to get done.
FAIL.
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“Aren’t there usually, like, six quarters in a game?”
– Someone in band. TOTAL FAIL.
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“Wait…we DON’T play with 12 people on the field?”
– A girl on my high school soccer team, who has been playing soccer for nearly half her life
FAIL.
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Social Studies teacher “And the amendments were about the right to bear arms…”
R: “Does that mean they couldn’t roll up their sleeves before the Bill of Rights was made?” (This was said perfectly seriously )
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Someone in my Civics class once read the preamble as “in order to form a more perfect onion…”
Too be fair, it was written by my teacher who had terrible handwriting.
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Today, I tried to say “the other kids in my class”. You know what I said instead? “The other characters.” I never realized I was fictional before.
FAIL.
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I saw a sci-fi magazine yesterday that had an article about the Breaking Dawn movie. *screams*
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…which suddenly reminds me of a dream I had: In which me and my two good friends here at college broke into a movie theatre (this was apparently perfectly acceptable, and something of a tradition at this movie theatre, so i was assured), and part of this break in was stealing a twilight promo poster–you know, where they have little plastic/glass covered posters advertising upcoming/current movies? Yeah…..Not sure why twilight, because even in my dream I was thinking “what the hell am I going to do with this….Maybe I”ll burn. No, wait, the other girl who sits with the three of us in physics lecture likes twilight [this is sadly true], maybe I’ll give it to her, instead….”
But, seriously, i dreamt I broke into a movie theatre with my friends and stole a twilight promo poster (and we did something else, too, but I don’t remember). But, really, what the cake?
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LUNA! *glomp* I haven’t seen you for awhile!
Maybe you’ve been around and I’m Failing.
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I’ve been around. The Spelluna? That’s half me, half speller. We’ve just been posting under “spelluna” of late, for the confusion factor (we did this once before…). I believe i just recently replied as Spelluna to a post of yours, defining HTTYD for Piggy.
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Oh, really? XP I guess I did fail, then.
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You worry me, Luna.
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But it was a dream! *sniff* It’s not like I’d break into a movie theatre in real life, much less steal a twi-crap poster of all things…
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Well, considering what my last dream was about (a girl at my school fell down a flight of stairs and died, which I somehow didn’t see even though I ran right past there, then I went on to dream about weird cars. I wasn’t even feeling morbid before then!) at least yours was interesting.
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(In Austria, the voting age is 16):
German teacher: “AG, what are the elections this sunday for?
AG: “The head of the government? (think: half a president)”
German teacher: “The state/city government/council.*”
EPIC fail (since AG is 16).
We now have an assignment due tomorrow about the pros and cons of the voting age being 16.
*Vienna is technically a city and a state, hence the slash. Sorry if the terms I used are wrong but I think you get the general idea.
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I just fell down a hill.
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Years and years ago, but I just remembered…
Kid setting out Stratego board at summer camp: “Your side can be the British and my side can be the English!”
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First radio station’s tagline:
“[My city]’s only classic rock station!”
Second’s:
“[My city]’s only classic rock station!”
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Really?
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Yep. It was really sad. So now, when I hear one of them, I say in a Gollum-ish voice, “Lies.”
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failure
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In Spanish class:
Teacher: *is in the middle of a sentence* “Lavar(to wash)…”
J: “con sopa.”
Teacher: “No, lavar la ropa, unless you’re in his house,where apparently you wash la sopa.”
Me: No, con sopa.”
Sopa is soup. I don’t know where my brain is today. I must’ve left it with my calculator, which has vanished into the ether.
Still can’t remember what the word for soap is. Gah.
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Jabon.
As my teacher a few years ago used to say: “If you go to Spain, you’ll hopefully eat some Sopa de Jamon (Ham), but if you curse, you’ll end up eating Sopa de Jabon (Soap)!”
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Thank you. It was bugging me.
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In the capitol of the state where I live, there is an initiative on the ballot that, if enough people voted for it, would create the first “Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission” in the country. It would basically find evidence of ET sightings and such and use this information to promote the safety and “cultural understanding” of people in the city should contact be made.
If this gets passed, I will laugh my head off, then go to the guy who started it and either punch him in the face for being so stupid or whole-heartedly congratulate him for picking the right city to pull this off. Then I might sign up to be on the commission XD
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So a bit like Torchwood but not top secret?
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That’s a win, definitely.
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It would have been, but it didn’t pass
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I read an article about that in Astronomy magazine. If they use it in an actual scientific and educational way, that’s fine and worthwhile, but if they just do silly conspiracy stuff, it’s kind of dumb.
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I just boiled a pot of water completely dry. *headdesk*
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Oh, I do that a lot! And burn things. QUITE A BIT.
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One of my little brothers called my other little brother a (rude term from an illegitimate child)
They’re twins.
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Piggy’s fail of the evening:
I was watching a live interview of a Chilean musician on Ustream a little while ago and they had a giveaway–the first five people to say in the chat room what the title of her first album was would get a signed copy of one of her recently-released singles. As she’s only put out two albums, I typed the title in straight away and hit enter. I was the second person–success! So I private-messaged them my name and email address as requested and mentioned sheepishly that I was a gringo. They replied nervously, asking whether I lived in Mexico’s Federal District. I said I didn’t and asked them why. Apparently you had to live there to get one of the CD’s. The sound had cut out of the stream when they mentioned it.
Ay chihuahua, que vergüenza.
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Ouch. Sorry.
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I was at the bookstore today, and in the toys/games section, there was a shelf with a few LEGO-like Halo products on it.
That is disturbing in so many ways.
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I walked into a trash can on Thursday and spent about ten seconds teetering and trying not to fall into it. When I turned around, I found that my friends had been watching and were laughing.
…I have a dysfunctional lunch group. *thinks about the time an entire can of Izze was poured on head*
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(this story was told to me by somebody at lunch today)
“On the very first day of my Computer Programming class, I asked the teacher what languages we would be programming in.
A boy from the other side of the room said, loudly, ‘English, idiot!'”
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WOW.
I…I don’t really know how to respond to this…
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Ha HA!
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Browsing at Barnes and Noble last night, I came across the official HeartGold / SoulSilver Pokedex, Pocket Edition. I opened it to a random page and saw Pokemon number 123, Scyther. It showed Scyther’s picture, summary, and stats. But the name said “Koffing”.
Oh, unobservant editors. You allow such interesting mistakes. Mistakes that are printed out hundreds of thousands of times and shipped around the world.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*wipes tear from eye* Oh, you editors. How could you mistake the best Bug pokemon for the worst Poison pokemon?
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That’s because I’m pretty sure the company that makes it is Prima Games, which somehow manages to get 1/10 the data in every book they make wrong.
Critical Research Failure.
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I ate a bunch of olives today, expressly for the purpose of turning my teeth blue. It didn’t work.
(If you’re wondering, my mom was eating them at work, and someone said her teeth were blue.)
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My mom bought a new carpet two days ago…. My dog chewed a corner out of it. My mom started yelling at my dad, my brother and me. To the whole house. It went like this: “What the (cake) is wrong with you guys! I can’t have anything nice for two days! Your not allowed to have to dog in this part of the room every again! I just want to spit! BAD DOG!” My dog cowers in the corner, literally, while she’s yelling. She’s still yelling. “How could you do that! I can’t have anything nice! God (removed) it!” Actually, WHAT THE CAKE she started crying…………… I was in my room when it happened, and my brother practically sleeps next to his computer……. It wasn’t my dads fault really, either………. And Burney is only six months old……… Holidays are stressful on her, I think………
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Your poor mother.
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” Have we seen Ring of the Lords yet?”
FAIL.
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Today at lunch my brother P said something about something being so loud it broke the sound barrier.
I’m not really sure how sound could go faster than sound.
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My dad took a picture with flash. My mom thought it was lighting.
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That happened to me in Australia. Although, to be fair, the flash was reflected on the front windshield of the bus, and the person taking the picture was about five rows behind me.
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My mom and I were discussing Good Omens, and somehow this came up.
Me: (after talking about Crowley) Do you know about Aleister Crowley?
Mom: Yeah.
Me. Ozzy Osbourne wrote a song about him. It’s cool.*pulls up on iPhone*
Mom: Wait, he read it?
Me: Good Omens?
Mom: Yeah.
Me: Ozzy?
Mom: Yeah.
Me: wait… what?
Fail. Apparently she thought I was still talking about Good Omens Crowley. ‘Twas amusing.
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Dad: “Actually, total lunar eclipses aren’t that rare. There’s one or two every year.”
Mom’s Friend: “Well, they are rare during a full moon. So there!”
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I’d say they’re rare any time OTHER than during a full moon…
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They’re impossible any time other than a full moon. I think my mother needs more intelligent friends.
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I knew that, I guess I should have added a smilie to show sarcasm. She does.
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Oh, awesome! I was 99.97% sure you knew that, because come on, you’re KaiYves, but I was just making sure.
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I can be just as wrong or mistaken as anyone else.
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Brother: So, is this going to be a solar or lunar eclipse?
At night. Last time I checked, the sun isn’t visible at night. But, y’know, I could be wrong.
And one on my part. Why did I just watch the first fifteen minutes of Gone in 60 Seconds, and then turn off the TV and do something else? All I wanted to see was Nicolas Cage and Christopher Eccleston arguing. Because everyone knows that’s the most important part of the movie.
I am such a fangirl *facepalm*
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The new Narnia movie=FAIL for anyone who’s read the book. Everything is out of order, and they add several irrelevant subplots that overshadow the relevant ones. Bleh.
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Kid in math help session during free period: “So, do they celebrate Christmas in other countries?”
Other kid: “I dunno.”
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While waiting on my Aunt to arrive at my mother’s house to help me set up our new computer, I took it upon myself to go ahead and try to attempt it myself.
In the end, my Aunt had to reinstall everything she had already installed a few months back. Sorry Aunt Mel. FAIL.
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Oh dear… *gives choklit*
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It was not quite the pretty sight…
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I just forced myself to watch all of Star Trek 1. All.
Need I say it? All right, I shall. It fails in plot, directing, costuming, effects, and most of all, just plain Trekkiness. Star Trek 1 is an insult to the world of geeks.
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I agree that all of the Trek movies are supremely overrated. Yes, that includes J.J. Abrams. Although his take on the series was good, it wasn’t the greatest sci-fi movie of all time. Plus, I got two words for ya: lens flare.
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Whatwhatwhat????! No! I love the rest of them! At least, all the Original Series ones- but the first one is terrible.
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I agree. There’s not many franchises that can say the first movie was one of the worst. Also, the reason I haven’t seen Star Trek 6 is because I’ve heard 5 is terrible and I hate watching things for the first time out of order.
muselover- *evil glare o’ doom* Even 2, 3, and 4?
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People used to talk about the “odd-number curse” of the Star Trek movies. I don’t remember the first one as being THAT bad — just pompous and slow-moving. And I loved how rude Spock had become after years of meditating alone in the desert.
The movies are guilty of some major sins against Trekkiness, such as introducing a Borg Queen. The Borg needed a queen about as much as they needed American Idol.
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“We were looking for a way,
To make the ratings soar,
So then we orchestrated an encounter with the Borg…”
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That’s pretty apt, actually.
Star Trek 1 (The Motion Picture): Horrible.
Star Trek 2 (The Wrath of Khan): Excellent.
Star Trek 3 (The Search for Spock): Awful.
Star Trek 4 (The Voyage Home): Delightful.
Star Trek 5 (The Final Frontier): Vomit-worthy.
I think this curse may only apply to The Original Series, though.
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Actually, The Undiscovered Country is all right- but yes, The Final Frontier is dreadful.
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I usually think that movies based on TV series are bad, and Star Trek, no mater how oobaful seems to be no exception. For that matter, most Movies based on anything :books, TV shows, other movies,…Video games (Ick, Tron) are usually disappointing. Things are just better presented in their original format.
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My “25 Most Played” playlist on my iPod has 16 songs on it.
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How many songs have you listened to?
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A lot more than 16.
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Ah, but perhaps you have a bunch of songs that have all been played once, and then 16 songs that have been played more than once.
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Another fail/win: Japanese T-shirts in English for tourists. These are hilarious, because the grammar and spelling are bizarrely off. For example: Mr. Happy! Peace and love. Dont mumble, say thank you. By being in peace, you are already part of the peaceful wourld.
or: Choco egg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
or: New zeal! Peace and soul! Quality consideras
These are all real T-shirts that I own
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Ah yes, Engrish.
This happens in other countries too: when my dad was in China he saw a sign for handicap-accessible toilets. The sign read “barrier-free toilets”.
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Also, “deformed man toilet”.
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In Shanghai, a sign outside a toilet being cleaned read in English, “Toilet is cleaning,” but the Chinese characters below it translated exactly to “Undergoing Execution.”
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I’ve heard ( no claims that this is actually true) that if the coke slogan is translated to Chinese and back, various translation errors can make it read some thing like ” this drink brings your ancestors back to life”
Also, for any one who has read Naruto ( I think this doesn’t require a spoiler warning, because it isn’t anything that you wouldn’t find out by reading the firs two pages) The nine tailed fox biju can also be translated as “angry destructive llama.”
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And KFC’s slogan “Finger lickin’ good” translated into “you’ll eat your fingers off.”
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Oh, Chinese-English mistranslations are hilarious! I have a whole book of them at home…if anyone wants me to I can post some of the up. They’re pretty funny.
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Look up Translation Party .com. It’s so much fun, and the more complicated the English sentences the better.
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There’s an even better one. It translates the original sentence back and forth 56 times–each time into a different language.
If the GAPAs allow: conveythis. com/translation. php
For instance, the following sentence:
It’s so much fun, and the more complicated the English sentences the better.
turns into:
“He” is a curious word, is still very large.
while in Translation Party it only turns into:
This is a very enjoyable English text is complex.
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“But soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the East, and Juliet is the Sun!”
turns into:
“But! If you can fix the window. Lunch, Julia!”
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That is so funny! “Lunch, Julia!”
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I tested it with what I thought would be a simple sentence: “The cat slept through the whole show.†For the first twenty or so iterations it came back as “The cat sleeps all the time.” But somewhere it mutated and finally ended up with “Always alert cats.”
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The first four lines of William Blake’s ‘Auguries of Innonence’:
To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
become
“My, heart earth environment and atmosphere for a long time, not only with you in display But the World Food programme.”
The World Food programme?!?!?!
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Original text:
“You know, I really do enjoy provolone cheese sandwiches. ”
…56 translations later we get:
“Private, Utah, do you know me a sandwich.”
Original text:
“The answer to life, the universe, and everything is forty-two. ”
…56 translations later we get:
“Lived in peace for four years.”
Original text:
“Every sane person should be frightened of hot pink bunnies.”
…56 translations later we get:
“Only two types of people is my pink bikini.”
Original text:
“There’s an even better one. It translates the original sentence back and forth 56 times–each time into a different language.”
…56 translations later we get:
“October 1956 Time of Programming Languages and other organizations.”
Original text:
“Whoa, this translator is hilariously bad!”
…56 translations later we get:
“Knew the translation was really good.” (IRONY)
Original text:
“He’s in the dark chills now, remember this please.”
…56 translations later we get:
“Thank you for a cold night.”
Original text:
“Turn me on, dead man!”
…56 translations later we get:
“Only! Death”
Original text:
“Paul is dead man. Miss him, miss him, MISS HIM!”
…20 translations later we get:
“Paul is dead or not, Miss, Miss!” (Accurate o.O…)
Original text:
“Maybe it was a bad idea to think about Beatles backmasking as late at night as this.”
…56 translations later we get:
“Perhaps that is a bad idea, the beatles made bakkmasking.”
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Shrodinger’s Paul!
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*Schrodinger’s
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If you put a Walrus in a box and don’t know if it’s dead or alive…
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“Take Me Out to the Ballgame”, the whole song, becomes: “The freedom of the people. According to Peanuts, Cracker Jack Camera ‘sea. All are also associated with the roots. One, two, three strikes life.”
The national anthem becomes: “Yes, I am on a Sunday, can you see the arrogance and deceit? Stars in the night, we are confident that the true value of the screen or not. Sky rocket Robbie results! To concept example, but now life is not heroic?”
And, of course, the Marching Uruk-hai Song: “I was in Damascus to die here and now. Soldiers involved in the project. Hammer first in the country, I saw Miss Sherry lanka. Soldiers involved in the project. ×ַמ×Ö·× ×¢×¤Ö¼×¢× ×ָרסי×Ö·×§×¨× ×¨× ×Ö·×! Kill! Kill! We now know that thousands of New Skin Cells. We are weak, and I hope this change. Soldiers involved in the project!”
When was the last time we sang the Marching Uruk-hai Song, anyway? It’s been too long.
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I feel like the national anthem suddenly got a lot more accurate.
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I think I’ll use this whenever I have to write Aliens Speaking English.
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Greetings, Inhabitants of the Third Planet! We hope that the future association of our species brings us mutual benefits. In exchange for permission to use the rich, untapped resources of your primary star and the celestial bodies orbiting it, we offer you our technological and cultural knowledge, including the formulae for stable wormholes that span light-years. The very stars are yours, if you seek them.
After 50 translations, this becomes:
Brothers, the third planet! Public interest in the future we want to help. Culture, along with stability and a source of information and resources with other organizations such as the outside. There are a number of letters.
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SFTP, but this one was so great I just had to share…
“What would we talk about? “I’m a Giant Space Squid” would probably be the extent of the conversation.”
becomes
“A lot of labels.”
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“And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!” becomes “Children are involved!”
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When I was in Italy, I saw a sign on a dock in Capri that said “Warning: Danger to fall in the sea”.
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Running that post through the Bad Transalator ended up with “Doctors, Italy cross, “Warning: Risk of sea water.”
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I heard something on the news about “AmTrack New York-to-Boston trains” and wondered if they went under Long Island Sound. Never mind that this would be a feat of engineering on the scale of the Chunnel and that we would have learned about it in school…
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Me, in an extraordinarily spacey mood, whilst watching the fish in a koi pond:
“It’s a carp clump. A clump of carp. A carpy clump.”
I… don’t know what goes on in my head.
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Good things go on in your head. Playful, alliterative, recombinatorial things.
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I was jogging to catch up to my mom and I tripped over my own feet, and spilled smoothie all over myself. *fails*
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My yarn stash is so tangled that it took me an hour to separate a ball of blue wool from a skein of minty green llama cotton. And that was near the top of the pile.
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Okay, so the TV movie “Challenger” starts off with a note about how much research they did. And on the DVD cover, they correctly refer to the man Barry Bostwick plays in the film as “Commander FRANCIS R. Scobee”. But in the very first real scene, another character calls him “RICHARD” and doesn’t get corrected.
FAIL.
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KaiYves:
You know much more about astronauts than I do, but Commander Scobee’s middle name was Richard, and he usually went by “Dick.” (There are a couple of Dick Scobee Elementary Schools named after him, and the airport in his home town is now called Dick Scobee Field.) I’m not sure, but it seems possible that someone on slightly more formal terms with him would have called him Richard rather than Francis.
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True, I don’t know any more than you do in this case, so I guess I should give the filmmakers the benefit of the doubt. People frequently like to be called something that’s not their legal name.
Hmmm, the scene being re-enacted in the movie is a practice for one of the space lesson broadcasts, and I saw footage of one of those practices online, so let me look it up and see what name they use there…
… No help, she only says “Dick”, or “Commander”.
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In the past month, nearly 90% of the people I know/am friends with have randomly informed me that I am awesome. FAIL
First off, if I’m so “amazing”, why has no one ever mentioned it until these past three weeks? Secondly, if I actually wasn’t amazing before, that being the reason no one ever told me I was, what have I done recently to suddenly become “amazing”? Thirdly, some of the people who have told me that I’m awesome are also the people who call me “Jennipoo” and make it somehow sound like I’m an insane psychopath with a gaseous stomach. It doesn’t make sense. XD
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Well you are awesome!
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I went to a concert last night. Outside the building was a table, where a group called the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics was handing out flyers. Moderately interested, I went over and took a pamphlet from them. One of the women at the table said hello to me and complimented me on my shirt. She then told me the design on it would make a cool tattoo. Which I suppose it would, but you’d think the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics would be more interested in, oh, not making people want to get tattoos.
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The other day at a chowder restaurant my cousin ordered a hot dog which turned out to be bright, radioactive, 42 tons of food coloring red! I swear that it was literally glowing!
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Eep.
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Found pictures of Chinglish mistranslations, some of which are typed out below:
Welcome to Presence
Rinse the meat of Beijing
Wheat Joss-Stick Cow Willow
The temple explodes the chicken cube
Fragrant and hot soil bean silk
No romping in the hall
The civilized and tidy circumstance is a kind of enjoyment
After first under on, do riding with civility
Advantageous noodle
Free yourself from the misery of a existence
Takewaterplace
Advert skidproof
Keep your legs, no running
When old man’s child go up hand ladder temporary need the family to accompany
Don’t press the glass to get hurt
The ancient building is renovating, excuse me for bringing trouble to you
Meeting critical situation asks velocity to poke strikeing
No Smoking – a small match may destroy a hundred year-old palace
Man and wife lung slice
Unripe food
Black pepper cowboy bone
Plain abalone buttons up the duck
Jadeite fries the perch
Tube-shaped container glutinous rice chicken
Strange juice (funny thing is, that’s actually what it says in Chinese as well…)
Salute to the tourists who keep the public hygiene
The visitor halts
Graininess cookies
Deep-fried sesame children stick with tartar sauce
Your careful step keeps tiny grass invariably green
The thing tube office (supposed to be meeting room)
Slip and fall down carefully
Show mercy to the slender grass
Unrecycle rubdish
Lactopork (I don’t even…)
Don’t call in thunder storm day
Fixed expectations district
Please don’t dump your receipt and keep it carefully to avoid gangster get your information
Be cautious of droppings
Green grass dreading your feet
Use for deformity
Deformed man toilet
Intelligent Public Telephone
Building structure wonder of national cream –
and so on and so forth. These bad translations are pretty common in China – I’ve seen my fair share over the years (not in Hong Kong, generally, but mostly in mainland China).
Anyway, sorry for the long list, but I find them all too hilarious to not be shared.
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Well, “No Smoking – a small match may destroy a hundred year-old palace” mostly makes sense, although substituting “spark” for “match” might sound better.
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Lactopork! It’s delicious!
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Almost as good as those wonderful ‘Graininess Cookies’.
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Those are delicious with some of that Strange Juice! XD
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My mom bought a new DVD drive for her computer because the old one was broken. It doesn’t play Doctor Who DVDs.
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Re: mutated English- a sign for the restrooms at a temple in Bali read, “For The Inconvenience, this Restroom is For Hotel Sleeping Person Only.”
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This happened to me last summer- I came home to the US after a year in Singapore, walked into the first Chinese restaurant I could find, and bought wonton mian.
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This brings us to roadsigns that FAIL. There are an entire book of these such as “caution:road wet when flooded” but I think that I have seen the best one yet in Utah. Two separate signs on the same post read “Atomic city” and “no fuel”!
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So, Time Magazine, nothing space-related in your Decade in Review special except Mir falling down even though you had “Columbia Shuttle Disaster” written on the cover?
But that’s alright, ’cause I like the way it hurts…
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How’s that work? How? Hmmm.
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My brother keeps finding signs in the men’s restroom informing him of the dangers of drinking while pregnant. FAIL.
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Yeah, and the women’s public toilets here all have warnings about prostate cancer.
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And what’s with that whole “No Sharps” thing? Who calls hypodermic needles “sharps”?
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A conversation I had with someone on iScribble:
Me: Curse you flying people! I wanna defy physics too! (don’t ask)
Them: And gravity
Them: Oh wait…
Them: nvm
Me: *cracks up*
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Today a person thought I asked him if he was gay.
I actually asked him if he was dead.
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Today I managed to trip over thin air, knock down a stack of very heavy books while doing so, break two glasses, get cut on one of them, trip and fall again, this time just onto the lovely cement floor of the first floor of my house, and sit on my mother’s tea. No, I don’t know how I failed to realize there was a cup on that stool, but let me just say that it was hot tea. As in BOILING WATER.
I’m not having a very coordinated day…
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The first time I read through that it seemed as though all of those happened in immediate succession. That would have been incredible.
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It sort of did…well, it took about 45 minutes of my morning, so it wasn’t exactly immediate… But those dang cluminesses seemed to happen *Russian accent* pretty quickly…
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Yesterday, I went to the doctor. As you might expect, I was “weighed,” according to the scal–which measures in kilograms!
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That’s a win.
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But what’s sad is that when I told the nurse about the mistake, she didn’t even understand! Then I tried to explain the difference between weight and mass, but her only response was, “…Do you like science?” Which was a win, of course, but all the same…
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Well, I think people who use the metric system both mass and weigh in kilograms. That’s why I was confused for a while about what your post meant. At least, that’s what we do over here. Maybe we’re just a backwards oddity.
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I know that people do that, but last year, my science teacher said that it’s incorrect, and the actual unit of weight in the metric system is Newtons, though she’s been wrong before. I know that very massive things generally do weigh more, but I don’t think it can be right to use the same unit for them… I could be wrong, though. Anyway, people get them mixed up a lot over here, so I don’t think it can be a locational thing.
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I realized a few minutes ago that I’ve been listening to the White Album on my iPod for twenty, thirty minutes while I’m about twelve feet from a turntable and the original vinyl. >.<
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Oh, what a world we live in…
I forgive you, Piggy. (Not that I have anything to do with it.)
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My [attempt at] hyperbolic beadwork looks like a flower. XD FAIL
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Still! I approve!
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Today, I misread “Geologist Harrison” as “George Harrison.” Apparently George Harrison was on the crew of Apollo 17.
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No, no, that’s a win.
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Okay, so my dad was e-mailing a science reporter from the New York Times about viewing a space shuttle launch. One of of the things he asked was how cold it usually was in Florida.
Now, the reporter guy wrote back: “It was freezing weather that destroyed the Columbia in 1986: the cold froze the rubber O rings that sealed the segments of the solid rocket boosters, and flame worked through the seams and caused the shuttle to fly apart.”
No, dude, that was the Challenger.
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Well, the Columbia was destroyed too …
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Yes, but the Columbia was destroyed in 2003 on re-entry because foam fell off the external fuel tank (the big orange thing) at liftoff and damaged the heat shield.
Completely different circumstances.
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What’s my most liked post on the P&S thread? Not one of my poems; a comment on another poem. A two-word comment on another poem. That’s not the worst of it. (No offense P_M, I love your poem) The poem I commented on is seven words long, and has more pies than any two of my poems put together.
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I wrote a poem that was seven words long? *looks up*
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SFTDP
Well, Radiant_Darkness, the actual poem was a bit of a fail too.
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What are you talking about? Those verses will forever have a place in history…
And 193 was more of me being whiny than an actual fail. Sorry.
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Out of the blue, in the middle of a discussion about something completely different, during English class-
“How long have you had braces, Gail?”
Me: “Uh, three years?”
I laughed so hard that I teared up. That question came from a girl who has been in at least one class with me for all three of those years and should really have noticed at some point. (She really isn’t that observant.)
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I just exploded an entire stick of butter in the microwave. I am never going to try to melt butter in the microwave again.
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Don’t try to melt Oreos, either.
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Why would anybody want to melt Oreos?
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My brother wanted to make some recipe that called for melted chocolate, but our parents weren’t home. He couldn’t find chocolate chips or anything similar, so, being the resourceful kid that he is, he decided that Oreos melted in the microwave would work just fine.
It took several hours of wide open doors and windows for the smell of burnt Oreo to disappear.
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Who’s seen the fail of the exploding whale of 1970?
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…Exploding… whale?!
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Believe it or not. When a sperm whale washed up and died on a beach in Oregon, highway police thought they could dispose of it with dynamite. Things didn’t work out quite as expected.
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“Exploding whale” has got to be one of the funniest phrases in the English language.
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If you say the whole phrase correctly it sounds like a song…
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196.1- Yes. A dead, beached sperm whale in Florence, Oregon was removed by the state highway division by being blown up with half a ton of dynamite, causing smelly chunks of blubber to litter the region and crush the roof of someone’s car. The original news report can be found on many video sites.
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196.1.1- Oh whoops! You got that one for me.
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Blow it up with dynamite? Why couldn’t they just feed it to… something? Or put it back in the ocean for it to decay or whatever happens when sperm whales die under ordinary circumstances?
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It’s rather difficult to transport a large, dead whale.
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True.
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Rebecca is not recognized as a word by my computer’s spell-check. Instead it offers about four alternative spellings neither of which are as common as the first. FAIL.
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“Four” -> “neither”? Again, beautifully, fail.
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Soccer Coach: Okay, we’re going to play World Cup. Get into pairs and pick a country to represent.
(I end up paired with a girl named Liz)
Liz: Can we be Hawaii??
Soccer Coach: Liz, Hawaii isn’t a country.
Liz: Oh. Well, then…can we be Maui instead?
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Georgia is a country, too!
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*Friend and I are on a boat*
Friend: Hey, we’re on a boat!
Me: Um, yeah.
Friend: No, we’re on a BOAT.
Me: So we are.
Friend: We’re on a BOAT.
Me: So?
Random person: So I heard you like Mudkips.
Me: Not really, I like Evee and Vulpix.
Curse you, lack of pop culture knowledge.
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No, no, that’s cool. I always like giving original responses to questions that have “typical” answers.
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Person: Easy come, easy go.
Me: Little high, little low.
Person: What?
Me: Well, that’s the next line of the song.
Person: I was trying to sing Grenade.
Me: …oh.
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But that’s awesome!
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So i herd u liek Mudkipz, but Mudkipz dont liek u.
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I just NOW realized that the lyric “a thousand circles ’round the sun” from the EPCOT songs “We Go On” and “Promise” refers to the millenium. After having heard both songs in person at the parks as well as numerous times online.
Koko, I’m slow sometimes.
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This happened a while ago, but I definitely think it counts as a pretty major fail. It’s an eighth grade history class. We’re learning about the Civil War, so we’re doing two trials: the trial of Dred Scot, and the trial of John Brown.
Prosecuting Attorney 1: So, what did you see happen?
Witness: Um, I’m the witness to defend John Brown’s character.
Prosecuting Attorney 2: Okay. What did you think about John Brown when you first met him?
Witness: Well, I’ve never met John Brown.
Prosecuting Attorney 2: Have you had any contact with him at all?
Witness: No. I’ve heard he’s a good man.
Prosecuting Attorney 2: Do you know any of John Brown’s family, or anyone who knows John Brown?
Witness: No. I’ve seen him around. He’s kinda weird.
Prosecuting Attorney 1: How so?
Witness: I’m not sure… could you get back to that one? And could you slow up on the questions?
And then. And then and then.
Witness: I’ve heard that he’s a god that fears man.
Prosecuting Attorney 2: … Do you mean people think he’s like God?
Witness: No.
Prosecuting Attorney 1: … Do you mean a God-fearing man?
Witness: Yeah, that.
And in the Dred Scott trial:
Lawyer 1: Dred Scott is not a citizen. He’s property. He doesn’t even have a last name!
Lawyer 2: Yes, he does! Dred *Scott*!
Lawyer 1: …Oh.
John Brown was acquitted. Dred Scott… is still a slave. I will never understand my classmates.
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Objection! Hearsay.
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I spent a good ten minutes yesterday lying on my bed staring at the ceiling fan. Caking thing is hypnotic.
On a different note, here’s a psychological question for y’all. Why is it so entertaining to watch people embarass themselves in potentially harmful ways?
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I am now filled with a terrible urge to turn on my ceiling fan and lie on my bed and stare at it and be hypnotised. Must. Resist.
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Because Japanese game shows made it popular.
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Why do I not have a ceiling fan? If my family decides to move, then I must make sure we buy a house with ceiling fans.
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First few times:
Person: What’s your speech topic?
Me: Schrodinger’s cat.
Person: What?
Me: Schrodinger’s cat.
Person: Wait, what cat?
Me: Schrodinger’s cat. You know, that hypothetical cat in Schrodinger’s famous thought experiment.
Person: …
Me: Uh, to make things simple, it has to do with quantum mechanics.
Person: QUANTUM MECHANICS???
Me: …yes?…
Person:
After a few times:
Person: What’s your speech topic?
Me: The last few times I answered that, people had no idea what I was talking about.
Person: That’s okay. So what’s your speech topic?
Me: Schrodinger’s cat.
Person: What?
Me: Schrodinger’s cat.
Person: Wait wait wait, what? Say that again, I didn’t hear you clearly.
Me: Uh, never mind. It’s something to do with quantum mechanics. You know, that famous hypothetical cat–
Person: QUANTUM MECHANICS???
Me: Yes. Stop staring at me like that.
Person:
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There’s this shirt I really want to get that says “Schrodinger’s cat is dead” on one side and “Schrodinger’s cat is not dead” on the other. Just to confuse people.
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My friend/enemy/nerdfriend/aquaintance/aquaintancewhoplayspiano/friend and I have this design for a T-shirt. It’s green and says RED in really big colors, and it has on the back:
Trust me, you’re the one who’s colorblind.
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Didn’t Ebeth and someone else wear that at a Kokon?
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Fail: We prepared for the band festival for caking MONTHS and get threes because the judges had sensitive ears.
“You’re too loud!”
“We have 90 caking members!”
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In a bout of spaciness while listening to some Led Zeppelin.
Me: Wow, Robert Plant has some epic falsetto.
Mom: Oh yeah, wasn’t that the album that Grace Slick sang backup on?
Me:
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In my tech class, we were supposed to make a structure out of coffee stirrers that could survive 8 pounds being put on a simulator of an earthquake at 7 on the richter (sp?) for 15 seconds. Our structure would not break, so he put a brick in with the weights, then a really tiny anvil, then another small brick, then cranked it up to 9 on the scale. It still would not break, so he took a wood scissor and snipped off most the the supports. Only after about a minute of constant earthquakes did it finally buckle under its own weight. He make theat projec tway to easy.
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What was your design?
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It wasn’t really all that impressive, it was more the project being too easy. Every person who has gone so far has had similiar results.
My design was basically a simple tower with a supported triangle on the bottom and a hole on all the sides to put the weights in.
His earthquake machine was faulty and probably was not very powerful, and we were allowed to glue the stirrers togethet, and given weeks to assemble it.
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Wow. Impressive.
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I spent five minutes giving a speech on Schrodinger’s cat and quantum mechanics today. Everyone became confused. Their response to the speech was, “You lost me at the psi-something part. Well, you sounded really smart.”
Someone asked, “Wait, so they killed the cat?” I have failed.
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No. They have failed.
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They were also nodding off. To bore them to death about something that I find quite interesting is my failure.
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It probably wasn’t your speech so much as the fact that most people in school just aren’t interested in quantum mechanics. I’ve never understood why, but I’m not sure even the best speech in the world about it would catch their interest.
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Unfortunately.
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Very much so, I suppose…
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Proof that my English teacher has absolutely no idea who he’s trying to teach:
“Poetry speaks to everyone in a different way; some to the heart, others to the loins…” (insert incredulous looks and stifled laughter from the class)
Then again, I don’t think he much cares about connecting with his students. He just wants to read William Blake and think about symbolism.
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Well, then, he should be an editor of poetry books, not a teacher.
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I think that that sounds fairly accurate…
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“Loins” is one of the words one can never use seriously among high-schoolers.
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Except if they don’t know what it means.
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They would’ve guessed by my face.
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Friend: [Person from band camp] totally likes you.
Me: WHAT EXPLAIN
Friend: Like the way he kept looking at you, and he was flirting with you the entire weekend.
Me: He was flirting with me? WHEN WAS THIS??? And what do you mean the way he was looking at me?
Friend: He kept looking at you like he thought you were attractive or something.
Me: o____o WHY WAS I NOT AWARE OF THIS
I think I should change my username to CompletelyOblivious.
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The joys of being an INTP.
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What’s an INTP?
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It’s one of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types. They were discussed on The Polling Place.
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I suppose this should have been the answer to someone’s question on R&R about how to know if someone likes you.
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And the inevitable question: are you interested in him?
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Well, yes.
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No, my brother is completely oblivious. He doesn’t get it. He’s a very attractive kid, apparently, and girls are always all over him and flirting with him, but he doesn’t notice. He even told me a story once that a girl (who is probably the hottest girl in the school) in his English class was talking to him for five minutes, and he didn’t even realize she was talking to him until she realized that she was talking to a blank face and tapped him to get his attention.
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*Me and Fellow Stage Crew Member are fixing a wobbly part of the set*
Her: It’s still wibbly.
Me: Wibbly wobbly timey wimey!
Her: …
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Fail for her, win for you!
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The Wibbly Lever!
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The libel-y weaver?
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The libel-y wavier?
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Two days ago, some guy went to the Burlington Mall ( in Burlington, Massachusetts ) with an umbrella because it was raining. Five people thought it was a small rifle and reported him, and the mall soon went on lockdown and the SWAT teams began marching in. Meanwhile, the guy went back to his job at the Lahey Clinic. Then he saw the news on TV and realized he was the guy with the “rifle” everyone was looking for, and had to call the Burlington police and set things to rights.
This is probably a lot funnier in retrospect for everyone who was there.
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So in the middle of chatting with someone, my keyboard dies. And being the kind of person I am, instead of taking the two minutes it would take a normal person to change keyboard batteries, I decide to take five to laboriously copy and paste letters from various websites I already have open into the chatbox, slowly spelling out “hold on my keyboard just died”. I actually got to the final D before I realized I’d need to press enter (a button located on the keyboard) to send the chat. FAIL.
But wait! There’s more! After spending a not insignificant amount of time searching through our cabinet, I determined that although I could find five different brands of AA batteries, not one battery had a duplicate of the same brand. (I’m not sure if it’s true, but I’ve heard you aren’t supposed to mix brands of batteries.) So I went to our cabinet downstairs. I eventually did find several AA batteries of the same brand, so I opened the battery case on the keyboard, and realized I needed AAA batteries. FAIL.
But wait! There’s even more! So I went through the first cabinet again in search of AAA batteries. Eventually, after help from my brother, I found a box with several AAA batteries in it. The box also contained- you guessed it- AA batteries.
FAILBOAT.
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My mom’s listening to a song that contains the lines “Questions for the angels / Who believes in angels?”
Me: He’s asking questions to ninjas?
Yes, apparently I am capable of mishearing “angels” as “ninjas.”
FAIL.
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Wait, is he asking angels if they believe in angels? That’s a fail by itself.
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I’m not sure what he’s asking. I never get that guy’s lyrics.
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Wait, who beleives in ninjas?
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Not me.
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I do!
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Ah, but have you ever seen one?
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They’re invisible, duh! (And inaudible, of course, and permeable to flour, and…)
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Like the dragon in Carl Sagan’s garage?
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“There may also be a dragon with five legs in my house, but nobody has ever seen it!” –John Proctor, The Crucible (by Arthur Miller)
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Exactly!
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One of the top search results for NASA is the National Automatic Sports Administration.
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Yes, fail.
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“Automatic” sports?
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My brother doesn’t think that drawing manga is a “real” profession. I am making him say that in front of my aspiring manga-ka friend tomorrow. Prepare for carnage, everybody.
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I just told her about it. Her response? “GO STUFF HIS HEAD IN A BLENDER. MAKE YOURSELF A MORON MILKSHAKE OUTTA HIM.”
Needless to say, I laughed my head off. Brother’s face upon telling him this was priceless.
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“Make yourself a moron milkshake” is a phrase I want to use.
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Can I drink the moron milkshake? Pleeeeeze? Oh dear, canniballistic tendencies taking hold. ANYWAY! *cough* DRAWING MANGA IS TOO A REAL PROFESSION. *gestures to all the successful manga artists out there* Told ya so.
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Yeah, I know. (otaku)
I asked him if writing books was a real profession. He said yes. then again, he operates on Insane Troll Logic and I generally don’t listen to him. This one was just too funny to not tell you guys about it.
And yes, you may have the moron milkshake. I like my human shakes intelligent, thanks.
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How sad is it that I wanted nothing in particular to do with this thread until I saw this post in the Recent Comments bar?
About the manga, I’m no manga fan, but ANYONE who thinks writing manga isn’t a real profession is already partially a moron milkshake. (Your brain is the consistensy of jello, but it can be stirred up to the consistency of a milkshake. Of course, doing so kills all brain cells…) No offense, shadowfire!
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None… taken?
Thanks for the info.
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I have a bottom locker at school. The locker above mine is occupied by another student, who primarily uses it as a trash-can. One of their half-empty coffee mugs fell-over inside their locker. Thus, draining into my locker and ruining three of my textbooks. I had to skip lunch in order to clean-up the mess. I was issued one new textbook. I was told that I will have to “deal with the situation in the best possible manner”. So, I have two completely ruined textbooks and a newly-issued Biology book (though, it is only newly issued- in no way is it in good “shape”). The student whose locker is above mine diserves a FAIL. I mean, honestly, what else is there that I can do?
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Put a plastic bag over the top of your locker?
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My little sister ( seven years old ) got weighed and measured at school and they sent home a letter with her weight, height, and BMI. It said that if her BMI was in the eighth percentile she was underweight, and if she was in the ninety-fifth percentile she was obese, and all this blah about eating healthy foods and getting medical help, etc. etc. So, being the curious person that I am, I started to look for the percentile she was in. First page – percentiles not listed. Second page – percentiles not listed. Third page – small graph with a small gray area labeled “8th Percentile” and a large white area labeled “9th-94th Percentile” and another small gray area labeled “95th Percentile,” but it wasn’t labeled with the numbers. So, having no idea at all what BMI numbers are in what percentiles, we now have her BMI – but no notion of what it means.
WHAT’S THE POINT OF THAT?
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Magnolia– Sounds like the school’s a little scatterbrained. Maybe you should talk to them?
I sit at the computer watching Fullmetal Alchemist. In walks my mother.
Her: “Is that anime?”
Hmmm, I’ll give you three guesses…
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What’s that?
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SFTDP, but I just spent a good amount of time looking for a black-and-white picture of the starless, moonless night sky so that I could insert a picture of a plane into it. Then I remembered that the night sky is black.
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I have to finish this mega- assignment in german by tomorrow, and I just wasted 15 minutes flipping out because I couldn’t find the character I was supposed to write about on the page indicated. Then I realized that it was supposed to be page 84, not 48.
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I’m finding little difference between the fail and win threads. It seems that depending on peoples opinions, every hilarious situation is both a fail and a win.
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Così va la vita.
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I don’t know what that means. But I pied it because it sounded cool.
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Italian for c’est la vie; that’s life; so it goes. (Literally “so goes life.”)
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My friend just told me the story of an evil art teacher he once had. Apparently, he was supposed to color something that he had drawn, and since he decided to color it in some interesting way. When he brought it to the evil teacher, this conversation happened:
Eeeeeeeeeeeeevil teacher: You left too much of it white!
Friend: But, I did that because it’s supposed to be white
Eeeeeeeeeevil teacher: You have to color everything!
Friend: I was just being creative
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil teacher: You can be creative on your own time.
My friend seems to have the luck to get all the strangest teachers and substitutes in the entire school system. He also once got a substitute who wouldn’t let them read Harry Potter in class because it was “unrealistic”.
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I once had a substitute who said that I’m the word warning (a 5th-grade spelling word, which is a fail by itself) was pronounced phonetically. When I showed her the pronunciation in our textbook, she insisted that it was wrong.
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Huh?
How else would you pronounce “warning”? War-nin-gh?
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I think the distinction is like the difference between “born” and “barn,” or “morning” and “darning.”
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Yes, exactly. I’m also not sure how the word “I’m” got in there.
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A lot of the English teachers I’ve had look down on anything that isn’t realistic fiction.
Unless it’s a classic, of course. *Then* you can have dragons, magic, ghosts, people turning into bugs…
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Something that has long bothered me: too often the Artistic Quality of fiction, whether books or movies, seems to be judged by the degree of High Seriousness (read: depression-inducing), Faithful Realism (read: drab and squalid), Edgy Characters (read: utterly unlikeable), and Profound Endings (read: any character you actually do like will die in a particularly gruesome or meaningless way).
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My favorite characters, it seems, have for far too long been destined for a horrible, painful, slow death for absolutely no reason whatsoever except for the fact that I happen to favor them. THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR LIKING THE HALF-VILLAINS. -_-
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really, because all my favorite characters are destined to die short and non interesting deaths off screen. I guess that’s what I get for liking minor characters better than the protagonists.
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Well, they don’t necessarily die, sometimes they just suffer, give up all of their dreams, and go insane.
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Close enough.
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Don’t forget Deep Symbolism.
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This substitute actually refused to read a magic schoolbus book to the class (this was 3rd grade) because it “could never happen”
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Today at the Hard Rock Café Paris, we had a Cuban waiter.
Waiter: Oh! Hablas español?
Me (who speaks quite a bit of Spanish): Oui!
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muselover:
Hold on. You’re in Paris? Did we know about that?
Just being there sounds like an automatic “win” to me.
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OOPS! Sorry. Although I’ve made a few passing references to the trip around the world I’m taking, I need to post a full explanation and update. I’ll see you guys on the random thread.
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Meta fail! I just posted a comment with a joke about fails on the “What I learned today” thread because I thought it was still the fail thread. XD
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Once I was trying to spell FWEE and accidentally spelled it FEWW. What, are there too many W’s in that word? Sorry, let me make it FEWWer.
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My mother actually missed the question on the New York Times cross word puzzle “TV show starring a Doctor from Gallifrey-3 letters” after hearing me rant about that same TV show for weeks on end. To further the fail, when she told me this, she somehow remembered “Gallifrey” as “Gallawafaglooby” or something to that effect. *facepalms, then laughs way into a head-desk*
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Both my parents thought tardigrades were bacteria until a few days ago., despite the fact that I mention their being animals almost every time I go out into public (I always take 3 or 4 tardigrade brooches with me there, and people generally ask what they are). I suppose I can understand it with my dad, since he isn’t usually with me, but my mom almost always is, and she also knows that I am extremely precise in my language.
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They have tardigrade brooches?
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In England, yes. I don’t live there, but I can still order things from there using the Internet.
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An article in the local paper talked about seeing a space shuttle launch at “Kennedy Space STATION”.
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Alas, I don’t think we’re there yet…
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Hmm, I think we need a new thread…
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I was at my friends house, monopolizing her TV with her, and watching Doctor Who. We were watching some of the 5th series, and my friend’s sibling walked in. Since he had nothing better to do, he decided to watch it with us, and we gave him a bit of an explanation. We got him completely hooked on Doctor Who in a few hours, and he started watching it with us all the time, however, he’s a bit young, and didn’t think to go and learn anything about the show that we hadn’t told him. When we had exhausted all of series 5, we decided that we had better go back and watch series 1-4, so we started the 9th Doctor. My friend’s sibling walked in, and after a few minutes, he said “This is a good show, but I think it’s a bit of a ripoff of Doctor Who.” Apparently, no one had ever explained regeneration to him.
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