Be they pretty, witty, long or pithy, post your quotations here, prithee.
An answer to Sphinx’s question — and I quote: “Will you ever make a quotes thread?” Sphinx, Jan. 20, 2006. The long-awaited thread is open.
Patience, Please
This site is under reconstruction and will look strange for a while. We regret the inconvenience.
“Eagles may soar, but weasles don’t get caught in jet turbines”
-my friend’s friend(or was it my friend’s cousin?)
hi evil peoples that are going to take over the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i like green eggs and ham sam i am
do re me fa so la te do
i hyper
im bored
i love 3 cats that live in my house
gotta go
bi evil peoples that are not going to take over me but everyone else
“So long, and thanks for all the fish.”
–If you haven’t figured it out by now, you’re sad.
“The whole world is insane except me and ye, and I have my doubts about ye.”
“Tsukuyomi.”
Possibly the freakiest thing anyone can say to you; any learned Naruto fan should know.
So… Is this the Muse Blog equivalent of an “Off-Topic” forum in a BBS?
Quoting “The Phantom Norker”: “So long, and thanks for all the fish.”
-If you haven’t figured it out by now, you’re sad.
Yes you are. Actually, that song was pretty funny. I got a good laugh out of it.
And I quote “That was so funny I forgot to laugh.”
“The world is tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” -Horace Walpole
I’m gonna use that one as my yearbook quote next year.
“Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself.”
– Peter da Silva
“Eat a third and drink a third and leave the remaining third of your stomach empty. Then, when you get angry, there will be sufficient room for your rage.”
– Babylonian Talmud, tractate Gittin
“To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.”
– Woody Allen
“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”
– Scott Adams
“I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting.”
– Ronald Reagan
“Life… is like a grapefruit. It’s orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.”
– Douglas Adams
wait so what happens to the quotes page on the fan page then? does that disappear or can you still send in to that?
“Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns;
he should be drawn and quoted.”
– Fred Allen
“Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.”
– Groucho Marx
“I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.”
– Joseph Blosephina
“Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. ”
– P. J. O’Rourke
“Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.”
– Yogi Berra
“When we played softball, I’d steal 2nd base, feel guilty and go back.”
– Woody Allen
“There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.”
– David Letterman
“Change is inevitable – except from a vending machine.”
– Robert C. Gallagher
“There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles.”
– Unknown
“Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of the pieces.”
– Judith Viorst
the following was a survey conducted by the anonoymous peoples answered by dogs
how many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
“Make me”
-Rottweiler
“The sun is shining, the day is young, we have our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?”
-Golden Retriever
“You know I can’t reach the stupid lamp!”
-Dachshound
“Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.”
-Border Collie
“Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.”
-Boxer
“Oh me, me!!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!!!!! Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!!!!!!
-Labrador
“I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.”
-German Shepard
“I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture.”
-Jack Russel Terrier
“Light bulb? I’m sorry but I don’t see a light bulb!”
-Old English Sheep Dog
“Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark!”
-Cocker Spaniel
“Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or, “We don’t need no stinking light bulb.”
-Chihuahua
“It isn’t moving. Who cares?”
-Greyhound
“First I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle.”
-Australian Shepherd
“I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.”
-Poodle
How cats does it take to change a light bulb?
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So the real question is:
“How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?”
-Cat
All of which proves, once again, that while dogs have masters, cats have staff!
funny?
” ‘Dusk! With a creepy, tingling sensation, you hear the tingling of leathery wings! BATS! With glowing red eyes and glistening fangs, these unspeakable giant bugs drop onto…’
‘BATS AREN’T BUGS!’
‘Look, who’s giving the report? You chowderheads … or ME?!’
‘Calvin, I’d like to see you a moment…’ ”
im bored
ahem. there is a quotes page (which was suggested by me) on the main fan page
“He was so snobby he wore swimming trunks in the bath so to not look down upon the unemployed.”
“They found themselves far from home, and far from talented.”
-Monty Python’s The Rutles
“You should try everything once, except for incest and Morris dancing.”
-Unknown
“Count the heads, baby.”
“You can see into my mind? And?”
“It amazes me how you can live in anything so small.”
“The other Shaltanac’s joopleberry shrub is always a more mauvy shade of pinky-russet.”
-Douglas Adams
“Very good, sir.”
-P.G. Wodehouse
“Sweep on, you fat and greasy citizens.”
-Shakespeare, As you Like It.
And the weasles/eagles one was also said by someone else. I don’t know who, though.
Marx brothers. Just pick a Groucho Marx quote, and you’ll be cracking up.
I don’t know any good quotes. What a pity.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Plato: For the greater good.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Darwin:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa:
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes the chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!
Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?
New York Chicken:
Hey! I’m walkin’ here!
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
George Bush:
To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
Caesar:
To come, to see, to conquer.
Groucho Marx:
Chicken? What’s all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
Alfred E. Neumann:
What? Me worry?
Newton:
Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
Not exactly quotes, but funny anyway.
Heh, now I’ll have to find all of my Oscar Wilde quotes.
As You Like It is my favorite Shakespearean play. I have a soft spot for Romeo and Juliet, and A Midsummer’s Night Dream is superb, but Rosalind is very froody.
Groucho Marx people are a little freaky to me. The eyebrows look like ferrets. I wonder if Tom Bolton is related?
*gasp* Henry IV part 1!!!! And Hamlet! And the Taming of the Shrew!!!! And then As You Like It! Yes, that is the Order. (Well, ebeth’s order anyway)
haha! like the chicken crossings Sphinx!
Oh and repeating my question on #10…
wait so what happens to the quotes page on the fan page then? does that disappear or can you still send in to that?
maybe i should put that on Ask the GAPAs…oh vell…
“if at first you dont succed, skydiving definatly isnt for you”-me
Groucho Marx’s eyebrows were grease painted, as was his mustache.
I’m bored…
ohohohohohohohohohohoh!!!!! I luv Romeo and Juliet!!!!!!! at least the play they did at my school… It was the 11 variations of Friar John’s Failure. It was soooooo good!!!!!! Ryan was playing Romeo… no this is not the start of an obsession rampage… hopefully…
why is no one coming here!!! you all said “Oh can we pwease pweasey pwease have a quotes thread?” and now you’re just leaving it to rot in peace!!!! what’s wrong with you peoples!!!
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
-Oscar Wilde
A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
-Oscar Wilde
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
-Oscar Wilde
“I would really like people to know how to pronounce my last name. Correctly. Everywhere.”
“human minds are like cement. thoroughly mixed and permanentaly set.” –Charlie Chan
FINALLY!!!!
Another fish quote:
“And the new day was a great big fish.”
–Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment
“someone ought to tell Bush that one.” –me after re-reading the quote i posted
Let us all hear the great words of our brilliant Presidente.
“Uhh — Gosh, I — don’t think I ever said I’m not worried about Osama bin Laden. It’s kind of one of those, uhh, exaggerations.”
“But the best way to protect our citizens from guns is to prosecute those who commit crimes with guns.” So you go after them AFTER they’ve commited the crime? And this will protect us from having the crime commited?
“I believe part of a hopeful society is one in which somebody owns something.” Yes, that’s makes a lot of sense…
“You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.”
“We both use Colgate toothpaste.” —after a reporter asked what he had in common with British Prime Minister Tony Blair.
“I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what’s moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves.”
“I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport.”
“I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft.” There’s more than one?
“It is white.” —after being asked by a child in Britain what the White House was like.
For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It’s just unacceptable. And we’re going to do something about it.”
“I don’t know why you’re talking about Sweden. They’re the neutral one. They don’t have an army.”
“I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe — I believe what I believe is right.”
“My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we’re going to run out of debt to retire.”
“The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him.”—Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001
“I don’t know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don’t care. It’s not that important. It’s not our priority.” —Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002
“But all in all, it’s been a fabulous year for Laura and me.” —summing up his first year in office, three months after the 9/11 attacks, Washington, D.C., Dec. 20, 2001
“I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we’re really talking about peace.”
“If this were a dictatorship, it’d be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I’m the dictator.”
“There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”
“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”
“My answer is bring them on.” —on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces.
This guy is our President.
haha!!!! that’s funny. In a rather disturbing way, true, but funny.
wouldn’t it be he or she? not he or her…
That’s the whole point, Kricket baby.
I laughed so hard when I read that. The US’s international reputation sucks.
Hooray, a quotes thread!
“Quintilius Varus, give me back my legions!”
—Caesar
“Man is a featherless biped.”
—Aristotle
“I am your evil genius!”
—Not sure about this one. I read it in my text book, but I’m sure it’s been said somewhere else before.
“Life is like a twinkie. You have to take a big bite of the average stuff to get to the really good cream filling inside.”
—The infamous (at my school, anyway) Jimmy S.
Hmm, there’s probably a lot more good quotes, I just can’t think of them when I need them. Lol!
For every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under Heaven, a time to laugh, a time to cry, a time to live, a time to cry…
–the Book of Kohelet
“more and more of out imports are coming from outside the country!” –bush. yeah, he’s our president. (a fellow musers older brother collects dumb bush quotes)
“prepare to off-task!”– Runt, this pigeon in my dream last night that looked a lot like those ones in Valiant 0_0
“by waving your hand and climbing lazily aboard the shetland pony, i will know you are ready to go.” –Commander, a.k.a. Runt’s dad. yes, they get into their helicopter by jumping up from a pony. 0_0 the whole group i described today as a large family of sarcastic, insane, self-proclaimed super hero pigeons that seriously lost their marbles.
Aww, man Bush is trying. But it’s still hilarious. In a sad sort of way.
“I don’t think you should meet the people you most admire. I don’t want reality to interfere with my image.”
“Denial is not just a river in Egypt.”
“Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead.”- James Thurber
“No good deed goes unpunished.” – James Thurber
“It was, in fact, the case that Lord Ickenham was unbelievably wrong. However, this did not affect him in the slightest.” -P.G. Wodehouse
Healthy, wealthy, and dead?
The Thurber version goes
“Early to rise and early to bed
Makes a male healthy, wealthy, and dead.”
(Apart from the obvious change, he switched “rise” and “bed” and changed “man” to “male.”) It’s the moral to a twisted fable about what really happens to early birds.
hey did any of you peoples notice kitten was on earlier? stop quoting and say hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lol that was funny!
IMPEACH BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok thats a bit unrealisticcally optimistic…
xD “dude, they should declare it a national holiday every time Bush says something intellegent.” –Mutt
“This is more confusing than the reproductive cycle of mushrooms!!!”
—Girl in my Algebra class
hello musers. not like anyone really cares weather or not kitten is back…mbe ill interest myself in another website and NEVER come back again
Kitten,
Don’t go away mad! You got a big welcome over on the February Issue thread.
Oscar Wilde was gay.
did u kno that?
GAPAEbeth says:hoopy for him…
hello to lola btw. are you new? Here’s an introductory pie in the face *smack* and virtual choklit from the GAPA’s…heh…i mean, erm, my own, personal stash. *whoosh*
Kitten we ♥ you!!! Don’t go to the Dark Side ooh note the darkness of the Dark Side.
“Poke”
-the famous me, after virtually poking the entire museblog. Oh wait, i haven’t done that yet. Hang on… *goes back in time*
50 yrs. ago:
Ebeth: Hey where’s the MB???
A month ago:
Ebeth: Ah, much better. *virtually pokes the entire MB*
Clive Barker is gay.
I did, but I don’t see how that’s relevant.
i see that the GAPA is having identity problems today.
oops.
Yes, Ebeth was taking our name in vain.
I forgot to change it after i…*ahem* erm…my friend impersonated the GAPA on the main thread.
Leonard Bernstein was gay..
Well, actually bisexual, but he’s dead so it doesn’t really matter… Sigh.
tyrone power was bi.
which of course is just an opening to an excuse for me to rant about zorro!
*gasp* YAY! Zorro! Z! Die fiends! Mwahaha!
lol…i just watched that again today. great movie…
i’m talking about the 1940 one. of course! What else?
And i ♥ basil rathbone!!! he’s so good! wheee let’s wave swords around and talk really fast! Yay!
And you know a strange thing? I totally ♥ basil rathbone and yet i’ve never seen sherlock holmes.
I should rent that or something…heh.
And i’m way off topic so i’d better put a quote up here fast!!!
erm…”Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things”
no idea where that started. it was a huge hit all through middle skool though.
i’ll email kitten and tell her that she’s got a huge welcome committee….
Lots of people are/were gay. Wilde was famously gay, and also famously “the last gentleman in Europe”. My ultimate solution for cheering myself up is to get into bed, pile a heap of Terry Pratchett, Oscar Wilde, and P.G. Wodehouse around me, along with some Kleenex, and laugh so hard I cry. Wooster is hysterical, and Jeeves is as well. And Lord Frederic Ickenham-I usually scream with laughter at that.
“Like so many large Americans, he had married young and kept marrying, jumping from blonde to blonde like a mountain goat jumping from crag to crag on the snowy Alpine peaks.”-P.G. Wodehouse
I ♥ emsworth!
Shakespeare was bisexual and famous and wrote his first 183 or so sonnets to a man…
Shakespeare was a cool frood. Though why are we bringing up “Famous Gay People”? In “Quotes”? Hmmm…
Maybe because there is no “Famous Gay People” thread…*coughcough* Although why we would want one, i’m not exactly sure…it’s not like we have a “Famous Straight People” thread. *coughcoughagain* Hmm…you know what would absolutely perfect the feng shui of the blog? Another two threads.
ok strange thread topics…yeah. whee. i’m soooo tired. blah. blah blah blah. 
yahoo.
well, we do need threads on art, poetry, pets, languages, and watership down.
Not this month.
which i sadly still have not read yet…
*gasp* Shock and horror!
-The Musebloggers
“Since I am on the quotes thread, i will phrase everything as a quote, because that is what you put on the quotes thread. Quotes!”
-The Famous Me
“I will be going off to explore other threads now. Go me.”
-The Famous Me again
“Bye”
-The Super-Famous ME!
really? ur super famous?
mutt thinks we should have a competition thingy here. ‘twould be fun. who could find the best quotes in, say, a week, and then the winners would get a revered spot on the quote page with a little award thingy next to it. 0_0 or something like that.
“You have purple eyes.”
-Chewy
Post some more stupid things the ODP said.XD
“Hi y’all!”
-The wisest hillbilly saying ever
“In other words, this mountain dweller means to give us a proper meaning of hello, bonjour or atiqua if you will. As I see that situation, he has the symptoms of ‘severe need to go golfing’, and as I am explaining this to you, I fear you and I have reached the symptoms….now if you don’t mind I must decide what color this golf ball is.”
-rude snob knowitall
“¿qué usted apenas decir?”
-person who appeared English but actually was Spainish
“Bonjour, vous personne impaire ! Si vous n’êtes pas silencieux, je vous défierai à un duel !”
-A misc. french man who was driving a BMW
What, Juliette? You’d prefer we talk about Famous Straight People?
“There’s a huge trust. I see it all the time when people come up to me and say, ‘I don’t want you to let me down again.'” -George W. Bush, Boston, MA, 10/3/2000
“Well, I think if you say you’re going to do something and don’t do it,
that’s trustworthiness.” -George W. Bush, CNN online chat, 8/30/2000
My dad got a page-a-day Bushisms calendar for Christmas. He has it at work now, but I’ll post them here when he emails me the good ones.
“The cat will mew, and the dog will have his day!”
-Shakespeare, from Hamlet
“To be or not to be?”
-Hamlet, from Hamlet (No, duh.)
who is Juliette? and ebeth i didn’t know you were super famous? of course kitten and i are because of course we rule the galaxy together but….
*gasp* Of course i’m super-famous!!! How can you people not know that? FEAR THE WRATH OF EBETH!!!!!!!
aaaah the hamlet quote! the hamlet quote!!! RUN AWAY!!!!!
my dad LOVES that. he’ll give the whole speech thing if you’re not careful…
my dad and his shakespeare..he reads shakespeare to babies did i tell u guys that? he was at it yesterday. whenever babies (or sufficiently small children anyway) come over he picks them up and starts reading the nearest shakespeare in a dramatic voice while the baby/small child totally ignores him.
lol it’s pretty funny.
Juliette is Queen Julietaini the
FlamablamablousFroodyof. KiadorPft, Famous Gay People are so much more interesting.
“I will do such things-
What they are I know not what
But they shall be
The terror of the earth!!” -Shakespeare, King Lear
“f a hart should lack a hind,
Let him seek out Rosalind.
If the cat would after kind,
So, be sure, would Rosalind.
He that sweetest love would find
Must find love’s prick, and Rosalind.
It is the very false prick of verses, the right butter-woman’s rank to market. I could rhyme you so eight years together-dinners and suppers and sleeping-hours together.”
-Touchstone in Shakespeare, As You Like It
I made no protest, you know, about the whole “Famous Gay People” topic. I just was going to wonder that it came up like that.
I looked it up, and there is scholarly debate over Shakespeare being truly bisexual or gay-and-pretending-to-be-bisexual. He was married, though, so there you go. With children, who may or may not be actually his…
“Live not in the present, remember the past, and fear not the future, for it doesn’t exist and never shall. There is only now.”
Saphira said this in Eldest, + it really makes sense once you think about it.
“The blade isn’t the only part of the sword.”
Ha. That was from Kingdom of Heaven. Just thought it was interesting.
“Darth Vader, can you hear me?”
– The Emperor, in Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
“Oh God, we forgot to give him ears!”
– Myself, after hearing that line delivered in Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
Yay star wars!
No Luke. I AM your father’s brother’s second cousin’s nephew’s friend’s mother’s brother’s goldfish!!!!!!!!!
yay for shakespeare too!!!
Doomsday is near. Die all, die merrily.
-forgot who said it but it’s from henry IV part 1 which PWNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LI (84),
A deaf Darth Vader — now, that would be funny.
Lessee….
“The Force is like duct tape, there’s a dark side, and there’s a light side, but it holds the world together.”
-From some random thingy-bopper… I forgot. Shame.
“What’s it like being a girl? Is it like being a bug?”
-Calvin, from Calvin&Hobbes
Mo: I’m gonna get you at recess, Twinkie
Calvin: Well you’re gonna have to catch me first!
(After)
Calvin: When your strategy is to run away like a squirrel, it’s hard to make good comebacks.
-Calvin&Hobbes
Emogrl (#83) You know, that reminds me of Terry Pratchett’s Wen the Eternally Surprised. He was Eternally Suprised because the past, to him anyway, was a fiction, and all that has existed or exists and exists now only. Mr. Pratchett should be knighted.
Yesh. He should.
Calvin and Hobbes quotes!
Drawing Calvin is easy. Just draw a mouth and add some hair!
-Hobbes
You know, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don’t help.
Reality continues to ruin my life.
There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character.
A gas mask, a smoke grenade, and a helicopter, that’s all I ask.
I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers’ lounge.
This one’s tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen …
I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
“Bad news Dad. Your polls are way down.”
“My polls?”
“You rate especialy low among tigers and six year old white males.”
88:
YES! He should. Theif of Time was one of my favorites, by the way.
“I fart in your general direction!”
– French Taunter from Monty Python and the Holy Grail
“The Shadow Proves the Sunshine”
this is actually the title of one of my favorite songs. its by switchfoot.
“The rain it raineth on the just,
And also on the unjust fella.
But mainly on the just, because
The unjust pinched the just’s umbrella.”
-unknown (ie. I can’t remember)
Welcome back, Paul! Wow, that makes seven male-authored posts in a row–eight, counting this one. That must be a MuseBlog record!
“My administration has been calling upon all the leaders in the — in
the Middle East to do everything they can to stop the violence, to tell the different parties involved that peace will never happen.”
– George W. Bush, Crawford, TX, Aug 13, 2001
“I’m gonna talk about the ideal world, Chris. I’ve read — I understand reality. If you’re asking me as the president, would I understand reality, I do.”
-George W. Bush, MSNBC’s Hardball, May 31, 2000
“Is it just me, or is it really SAD to see our president bungle his own language?”
-MemyselfandI, MuseBlog, January 31, 2006
Isn’t emogrl a girl?
Bush is sad.
No offense to our republicans…
how many do we have anyway?
Erm…quotes…
I have none. boohoo.
Actually i probably do if i think, but that’s out of the question right now…
im a girl… in case there’s any confusion
Oh wait…GAPA did you mean all over the blog?
ok that makes sense now…
hey people. A quote.
“[insert some famous witty quote here]”
-[insert famouse witty person here]
AAAH!!! *slap* *slap* *slap* I noticed that e RIGHT after i hit submit!!!! NOOOO! AAH! THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!!!! AAAH! NEVER MIND!! BUT WHATEVER!!! TALKING IN ALL CAPS IS FUN!!!! THIS IS A VERY POINTLESS POST SO I SHALL END IT!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think the “EmoGRL” part clears that up well, thanks.
“You are, without exception, the most drivelling lunatic ever to be allowed at large.” -P.G. Wodehouse, Thank You, Jeeves
“Ice formed on the butler’s upper slopes.” -P.G. Wodehouse
“Ignorance is like a delicate, exotic fruit. Touch it, and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound.”- Oscar Wilde
“He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.” – George Bernard Shaw.
“Captain Bluntschli. I am very glad to see you ; but you must leave this house at once. My husband and son will return soon. You are a foreigner , you do not understand our national animosities as we do.” – George Bernard Shaw. Read it again and you’ll get it.
Okay, Robert, last time I checked I was of the female persuasion, and not much has changed since then.
“I say”
-Kitkat, a museblogger
“Boo”
-Kitkat, a museblogger
“Now, what’s”
Kitkat, a museblogger
“my computer”
-Kitkat, a museblogger
“Doing”
-KitKat, a museblogger
“?”
-KitKat, a museblogger
“Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.”
-a GAPA—I mean anonymous
hrm…who could that be?
“It finally dawned on me that I was in freezing water.”
-A mysterious author, find it out yourself…
“It think the “EmoGR” part clears that up well, thanks.”
-The mysterious person on the post above.
“I think.”
-KitKat, a museblogger
“Enough with the ‘KitKat, a museblogger’s”
-KitKat, a museblogger
“AAAGGHH!”
-KitKat a museblogger
“*faint*”
-KitKat, a museblogger
“Oops, sorry “mysterious person on the post above”
that was supposed to be EmoGRLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL but my LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
hasn’t been working very welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.
and yes, this is realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly happening, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttoooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyykkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyysssssssssss…………………..{except for the lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllls, the above didn’t reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly happen.)
-KitKat the Museblogger
AAAGGGHHH
“yes! my ignorance is gone! now i can finally get back to the computer!!”
-me after finishing every problem in my physics homework, for once
(#93) Excuse me?
“My candle burns at both ends,
It will not last the night,
But oh my friends and oh my foes,
It casts a lovely light.”
– I have absolutely no clue. Ask Phoenix.
“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”
– Horace Walpole.
That’s gonna be my yearbook quote.
“Last week I saw a woman flayed, and you will hardly believe how much it altered her appearance for the worse.”
A Tale of a Tub
Jonathan Swift
*closes ap lang book* whoa…:-o
“yeah. uh huh. whatever.” –me, myself, and I
“Keep your cool. If you don’t have one, find one”- Unkown, but I think it was some guy I know, because he had it posted on his MySpace, oh, and that reminds me, Ebeth, you need to get over to Xanga because I need more comments and I’m rather bored.
“Half of me is all about apathy, and the other half just doesn’t care”- Relient K, in their song “Apethetic Way To Be”
“Darkness can make it very hard to see”- My friend’s driver’s ed book.
“Suicidal people usually want to die”- The same friend’s psychiatry textbook.
“It is a truth universally acknowledged that an unmarried man in posession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife”- Opening lines to “Pride and Prejudice”, by Jane Austen.
“The trouble with trying to make yourself stupider than you actually are is that you very often succeed”- C. S. Lewis, in “The Magician’s Nephew”.
And lastly….
“Fact is stranger than truth.”- My dad.
“Fart proudly.”
Benjamin Franklin.
“Don’t Fart Proudly”
-Liousa May Alcott
“I have no thought on the subject.”
-Kenvab a nothingman
I’m with Ben on that one.
i’ll go with Kenvab because that seems a safe answer….
I findit confusing when people say “me, myself, and I” but then realize they *gasp* aren’t talking about me! Thought I’d bring that up and no offense implied.
-MemyselfandI the Confused
“Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”
–GWB
“We both use Colgate toothpaste.” [referring to similarities between himself and Tony Blair, I believe.]
–GWB
“Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?”
–Guess Who!
“Obviously not.”
–TPN
xD too true, TPN
Bush can be downright embarrassing. I may be somewhat untraditional, but at least I can speak my country’s language without messing it up. I mean, I don’t turn to the Doodle Queen and ask her what toothpaste she uses. Sheesh, no.
You know, on the “are our children learning” note, there was a study published a few weeks ago that showed that when you adjusted for background (income, access to books and computers at home, etc), public schools did much better than private and charter schools in teaching math, which apparently is usually a good indicator of how goot the school is overall. Private conservative Christian schools did the worst.
The average home-school student scores 85 percentile on standardized tests.
One thing we have to remember about Bush, is that he makes tons of speeches, all the time, reads bills and decides whether or not to sign them, tries to figure out a good position on everything under the sun, and then needs to make another speech. With the volume of how much he speaks in public, his slips of the tongue (that’s what they are. He knows correct grammar) are not that many percentage wise. Now, can we leave the Bush bashing for Hot Topics or, better yet, CNN?
“Bush bashing yes, that’s for hot topics. But bush quoting goes on the quotes page right?”
-Me
106-Rudyard Kipling wrote the verse about the candle.
“I keep six honest serving-men
They taught me all I knew
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who.”
-Rudyard Kipling
Lotsa kids at my school say to me, “All the homeschooled kids I’ve ever known are really smart.” And I try to tell them, “DER, they’re homeschooled BECAUSE they’re smart.” But then they just basically repeat what they just said.
I was homeschooled from third grade to sixth. Adjusting to seventh grade in public school was a major shock. MAJOR.
Oh wait! Quotes! I have good quotes!
“But what if my socks blow away?”
–my bro
“Shake your badonk-a-donks.”
–idiot boy at my school
“I need a bad horse boink stick and a pair of buttless blue jeans coverups.”
–my cousin
“Oh great…we got the demented table.”
–my friend
“WonderBread!”
–me
how can a table be demented?
Hold on, once I got some demented balloons. I guess inanimate objects, like Sphinx’s and Lusifer, Ink.’s cat, can be demented.
My cat is not demented! He’s just fat!
My brother, however, is a different story. He’s demented AND fat.
“oh lord, let me be the person my dog thinks i am”- i saw it on a t- shirt what does being demented have to do with quote exactly?(just wondering)
to sphinx- funny quotes! my dad put together an anti- bush cd and the label has funny quotes on it . heres a couple.
“they misunderestimated me”-bushey boy
“we discussed the neeccessity to put behind a better tomorrow.” -dubya(same guy)
quote from yes minister. weird brit political sitcom thing. Anyhoo.
So they’re gonna cut the dept. and they’re all wondering what to do and how to save our jobs and the one secretary guy blabbers on about a popularity thing like “red tape is fun” and then blabbers some more.
“Red tape is fun?!?!”
“Well, we could say, ‘red tape holds the nation together!'”
Or something like that.
It’s funny how they say it. Trust me. It is. Must just be the britishness. (loljkpb&jwhoisnothereheleftusagainhedoesn’tlikeus*cry*)
But it has to go back to the library tomorrow.
so i have to stop watching it over and over and over and over…
More Bushisms!
“For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three nonfatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It’s just unacceptable. And we’re going to do something about it.”
-George W. Bush, Philadelphia, PA, 5/14/2001
“That’s why I went to the Congress last September and proposed fundamental — supplemental funding, which is money for armor and body parts and ammunition and fuel.”
-George W. Bush, Erie, PA, 9/4/2004
“They have miscalculated me as a leader.”
-George W. Bush, Westminster, CA, 9/13/2000
“What I’m suggesting to you is, if you can’t name the foreign minister of Mexico, therefore, you know, you’re not capable of what you do. But the truth of the matter is, you are, whether you can or not.”
-George W. Bush, Seattle Post-Intelligencer, 11/6/1999
Something along the lines of “Those who think I’m not fit for the job are underestimating me.”
-George W. Bush, sometime, somewhere
“I know you’re working hard to put food on your family…”
-George W. Bush, I forget when
Not to squelch anybody, but I think the blog has enough Bushisms for now. The President’s penchant for misspeaking is well known, and examples are too easy to find. I suspect it’s genetic, because his father had it, too. (While in office, President G. H. W. Bush once referred to the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band as the “Nitty Ditty Gritty Great Bird.”) The trait by itself doesn’t necessarily prove anything about a person’s overall intelligence, character, political savvy, or leadership ability.
So suppose we make this rule: anything the President says from now on is postable, but as for those long lists of past verbal fumbles you see all over the Web–let’s leave ’em where they are, O.K.?
“Dese, as in Desiel.”
– Me
” To succeed in the world, it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.”
-Voltaire (that French philosopher-writer guy)
” If you play anything loud enough – it rocks!”
-Zac Hanson (drummer for the best band ever, Hanson!)
in a hobbit, in the ground, there was a hole.
Don’t you mean: “In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit.”?
no.
when in doubt, add yellow.
-paint mixing motto
when in doubt, eat cheese
in case of there being no cheese, eat pe- gtg
Where did you get that hobbit quote anyway : ? :
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every six months.
I never let my schooling interfere with my education.
To me, kung-fu is like ballet, only there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala
yay I ♥ mark twain!
Iiiiiiiiii feel special…day off and no lb around bugging me! LIG!!!
If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
Over twenty-five percent of human genes are the same as those of a banana. Get over yourself.
Knowledge speaks but wisdom listens.
-Jimi Hendrix
not all who wander are lost.
Today is the Tomorrow we worried about Yesterday.
I do not lie. I create alternate realities.
Don’t be so humble. You’re not that great.
Its always darkest just before it goes PITCH BLACK.
I’ve got enough quotes now, don’t I? I’m going to Phantasmagoria. Bye-bye!
“The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.” (For those of you who don’t know what this means, it means get your priorities straight!!)
(author unknown)
That reminds me of something Einstein is supposed to have said: “Everything should be as simple as possible, but no simpler.”
haha That figures about Einstein!!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Whoops!! Just spit all over the screen from laughing so hard!! It’s shiny!!
Another famous saying that this browser says to you before each of your comments get moderated:
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
Why hasn’t anyone posted any quotes since the whole, Your comment is awaiting moderation thing? Is it really so great that we can’t top it? Or do people just not have any quotes anymore?
I have one…
“If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say it at all” (Don’t be a jerk)
My Mom
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” (salvage what you can) Unknown
From the Stupid Senseless Smiley Stories:
“The brittish is coming the brittish is coming!!!”
(Run from Bop!!!)
“MAH FELLOW AMERICANS…” (what
bush says when he wants to get peoples attention)
“All hail Jay, the giver of the light!! Oh Jay can you see, by the dawn’s early light…” Men in Black 2 (the movie)
Whoo! Jump back!! Kiss myself!! (kisses right bicep) Oh yeah!! (kisses left bicep) (flexes biceps) Uhh!! Solid!!
“Waste not want not” Unknown
“Hit me and receive the blow twofold” The Great and Stupendous ME
“Today’s sales half off” Big Department Store
“I like cheese” Unknown
“Who cut the cheese??” Unknown
“Do not govern your life by fancy, but by reason” George Shelley
“I need my ears cleaned out bad, especially my right ear. My left ear’s good.” My Brother Conrad
“E=MC2” Albert Einstein
“E=MC2, (which means: I get food)” Einstein’s dog
It is better to keep your mouth shut and apear stupid than open it and remove all doubt.
Im not lazy. Im conserving energy.
“Me, I’m dishonest. And you can allways trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. Honestly, it’s the honest ones you’ed better watch out for because you never know when there going to do somthing incredibly stupid.
– Captain Jack Sparrow
“Never under estimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
“Out of the 36 ways of avoiding disaster, running away is best.”
*gasp* I ♥ capt. jack sparrow! lol
#170-that was from despair inc. wasn’t it?
I love #168…i’m gonna use that ALL the time now…
“There is never a time at which ties do not matter, sir.” -Jeeves, P.G. Wodehouse
“The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her if she’s pretty, and to someone else if she’s not.” -Oscar Wilde
“You only need a hairy eyelid.” – My grandfather, Ed
Speaking of which, I did a rendition of the Troggs’ “Wild Thing” this morning, but I changed it to “Wilde Thing” and put Oscar quotes in instead of the “I think I luve you. But I wanna know for suuuuure…so hold me tight” stuff. I cracked myself up.
Maybe I should be Pjulietaini instead of Julietaini. Hmm…
“Look out for number 1!!!” The amazing and stupendous me
Jadestone, was post #167 an insult?? (looks offended) If it is, then why I oughta…..And if it’s not, well then that’s a nice piece of advice. I think I might remember that when I’m old and grey.
Sorry, I’ve been gone… More unintentional wit and wisdom from our 43rd president, who is officially to BE LAMPOONED MERCILESSLY. Democrats, I give you leave. Enjoy. Or listen to Capitol Steps’ songs, they “put the “mock” in democracy,” according to them. So, anyway, Bushisms…
[Sorry, MMI! In comment 130 we banned any more pre-2006 Bushisms, and we’re enforcing the rule. –Admin.]
Sorry. It’s “doesn’t understand.” I hate these laptop keyboards, they give me a surfeit of typos. That’s the last thing I need.
Don’t you mean surplus of typos??
“Have a go at this whopper!!” Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter
“Crikey!!” “Isn’t she gorgeous!!” Steve Irwin
“It sounds like, the rancher is tough. Real tough. And the croc sounds good. Real good. From my understanding, one of them has to be relocated. We could go in at night, shine a light in the rancher’s eyes, jump on her back, wrap a rope around her head, and then, transport her to a new river system. But we’re not that brave!! We’re goin’ after the croc!!!” Steve Irwin, again.
(For those of you who don’t know who the Croc Hunter is, watch Animal Planet around 7:00 Eastern time every night. Channel 282 on DirecTV. Or 280. It’s in the 280’s. I can’t remember cause I don’t have DirecTV anymore.)
“Ouch!” Wile E. Coyote
“What’s up doc?” Bugs Bunny
“Oh brother
” Me
“You’re despicable!” Daffy Duck
“A penny saved is a penny earned.” Unknown (but I think it was Benjamin Franklin)
“Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.” Unknown
(174)
No, it was our daily quote from Mr. Pittners language arts class.
“There’s plenty of rabbits for the carrots, don’t ye think?”-Shanto, felllow muser
Converstaion between my friend and I.
“That is so lame. THAT IS SO LAME.”
“AHAHAHA!”
” IT’S SUPPOSED TO SAY MARRY ME SHELLY.”
“YES!”
We were talking about these hearts one of thoses airplanes drew in the sky.
And because I can’t resist:
“If you can’t fix it, you just gotta stand it.”-Ennis Del Mar, Brokeback Mountain.
“THE BIBLE IS LIKE GOOGLE FOR CHRISTIANS.”
-KATE CLINTON (THE WORLD’S GREATEST COMEDIAN)
“I HAVE A CELLPHONE, BUT I’M NOT ANOYING WITH IT. LIKE THOSE GUYS AT AIRPORTS WHO SHREIK INTO THEIR PHONES. IT’S SO OUT OF CONTROL, I PRETEND THEY’RE TALKING TO ME.
“‘MAN ON PHONE: “HOW YA DOIN?’
KATE (LOUDLY): “GOOD!”
“‘MAN ON PHONE: “WELL WHERE ARE YA?”
KATE AGAIN: “OVER HERE!”
KATE BY HERSELF: “WHEN THEY GIVE NUMBERS I WRITE THEM DOWN.”
-KATE CLINTON AGAIN
BUY KATE’S COMEDY ALBUMS:
“THE MARRYING KIND”
AND
“READ THESE LIPS”
FOR MORE GREAT JOKES
WARNING: CONTAINS MATURE ADULT CONTENT
LAUGH SO HARD YOU CRY, LESBIAN COMEDY!
“Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or self confidence.”
–Robert Frost
When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey.-Arab proverb
If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.-Judith Martin “Miss Manners”
If you want to kill time, why not try working it to death.-Sam Levenson
Be careful how you live. You may be the only Bible some person ever reads.-William J. Toms
Be of them that are persecuted, not of them that persecute.-The Talmud
Search others for their virtues, thyself for thy vices.-English proverb
Sell not virtue to purchase wealth.-English proverb
Don’t go visit your friend in the hour of his disgrace.-Simeon Ben Eleazer
Be a master of your will and a slave to your conscience.-Lieb Lazerow
95% off of windows XP!!!-My spam junk mail (You can make a nice French fry SPAM casserole with your junk email)
*farts*Run for your lives!!!-Me
i have possessive-compulsive disorder!
Don’t write out loud!
Because, Che, assassions don’t become President!
Half the skill, twice the fun!
i want you to pair up in groups of three and line up in a circle alphabeticall by height!
— i forget
anything you say will be mis-quoted and then used against you.
“I’m not lying! I’m writing fiction with my mouth!”
— Homer Simpson
GAPA, you know how you said we couldnt lampoon bush anymore? well, i heard that he mispronounces “nuclear” on purpose to make himself more approachable to the public. AND THIS MAN IS OUR LEADER????????????????? also dick cheney is a slave to Big Oil, which, for the record, is aobut to DESTROY alaska!!! so i say we should be allowed to lampoon bush to our hearts’ content!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In a hobbit, in the ground, there was a hole.
wheeee! my hobbit quote!
Mwahahaa
-Terry Pratchet
“If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.”
“Riku is a sexy guy. He’s just a sexy guy. And uh, you know, the gamer girls are really gonna like it. That’s uh… I think his voice is pretty sexy. He’s got a, got a deep, dark, kind of sensibility to him. Every girl goes through a bad-boy phase; come on, you know you like it *points at camera*.”
-David Gallagher, voice of Riku! xD
“Yesterday, the White House sponsored the annual Easter Egg hunt on the South Lawn. The winning child found six eggs and fourteen lobbyists hiding in the bushes. Actually, if you saw it, yesterday’s celebration was marred when three of the kids tested positive for steroids. And for the first time ever, President Bush welcomed some gay couples to the White House Easter Egg roll. In fact, he recognized one couple, he said, ‘Didn’t you used to be governor of New Jersey?'” –Jay Leno
” The Bush administration says they want to declare all golf course water hazards as protected wetlands. It’s part of their plan to save restricted country clubs.” –David Letterman
“While [President Bush] was doing his taxes, under dependents he listed Scooter Libby, Tom DeLay and Jack Abramoff. Then he caught himself, ‘Dependents? Oh, I thought it said defendants.'” –Jay Leno
Sorry if these are zap-worthy
Why does everyon have a fit about that fact that Bush mispronounces “nuclear”? Jimmy Carter did it too, and no one ever cared. Well, the guy had other problems, like that he was incompetent and an absolutely horrible president. I guess people just can’t find anything to say about Bush, besides picking apart his words.
Okay, I’m sure I have some quotes. *thinks for awhile*
“hly crap ur hott”- Some random freak on IM, talking to my best friend (he only met her one time). He was attempting to aks her out.
“Mary wished to say something very sensible, but she knew not how”- Pride and Prejudice
“I’ve been hearing the innermost thought of a mountain lion?”- Me. Do NOT ask.
“The Department of Homeland Security announced they will be ready to deal with hurricanes in the future. Like today, they called their cable company and ordered the weather channel.” –Jay Leno
“Vice President Dick Cheney’s getting a tax refund of $1.9 million. How do you get a $1.9 million refund when your salary is $205,000 a year? How does that work? … Apparently, he’s writing off the guns and ammo as business expenses.” –Jay Leno
“You can tell it’s tax season. Earlier today, Dick Cheney shot up an H & R Block.” –David Letterman
“But not all the generals are against him. He still has the support of a lot of generals: General Electric, General Dynamics, General Motors.” –Jay Leno, on generals calling for Donald Rumsfeld’s resignation
“What’s excrutiating mean? You have a big- Amy, what’s the name of that class I have in sixth period?- vocabulary” — The Valedictorian of a local high school, talking to my best friend (who is a ninth grader). I would like to point out that this girl was public schooled, whereas my friend is a homeschooler.
i would like to point out that i am a public schooler and i know what excruciating means. and i m an eighth grader.
“And guys, if you exploit a girl, it will come back to get you. That’s called ‘karma.'” – Bill O’ Reily in his book, “The O’Reilly Factor For Kids,” 2004
“This race is shakier than cafeteria Jell-O.” – Dan Rather, 2000 election
“Now that Martha Stewart is out of jail, she’s going to go back to writing a monthly column for her magazine. This month’s column explains how to hot-glue seashells to your electronic ankle bracelet.” –Conan O’Brien
“Martha Stewart is now under house arrest. So she’ll go to her $40 million 153-acre estate. So she’s going from the big house to an even bigger house.” –Jay Leno
“When Martha gets out she’ll be under house arrest in her big $40 million mansion in Bedford. Boy, that’ll teach her. She’s only allowed out of the house for doctors visits, grocery shopping, or to dump more stock.” –David Letterman
“Martha Stewart is getting out of prison so today the terror alert was raised from orange to pesto.” –David Letterman
“Martha Stewart was found guilty on all charges. You know what that means, stripes are in this year.” —Jay Leno
“Earlier today, the jury at the Martha Stewart trial reached a verdict. Martha was found guilty on all charges. In a related story, there’s a huge sale at K-Mart.” —Conan O’Brien
“Yes! We finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the public by companies like Enron, Global Crossing, and Tyco we finally got the ring leader. Maybe now we can lower the nation’s terror alert to periwinkle.” —Jon Stewart
“In New York the other day, there was a pro-Martha Stewart rally. Only four people showed up … and three of them were made out of crepe paper!” —Conan O’Brien
“When reached for comment on the charges, Martha didn’t say much, (only) that a subpoena should be served with a nice appetizer.” —Conan O’Brien
I cannot fight, for fear of spilling blood. I cannot run, for fear of leaving people behind. I can only stay and help those who suffer.
We were put on this planet to fart around, and don’t let anyone tell you anything different.
I had an all night (almost) study session for AP Euro last night, and by the end we were all really tired, and we ended up saying some really funny stuff b/c we were so tired.
“that is the saddest life I have ever heard in my entire story”
“the second book of common life”
“Henry’s wives are NOT important!”
“and France is in France, and India is in India…”
“Churchill was pm?”
correction, I went to an all night study session
“Some people have a foolish way of not minding, or pretending not to mind, what they eat. For my part, I mind my belly very studiously, and very carefully; for I look upon it, that he who does not mind his belly, will hardly mind anything else.”
— Samuel Johnson in Boswell’s “Life of Johnson”
“…and my brother, Joseph Maguire, a few of whose ideas I have borrowed. Please don’t sue me.”
–Gregory Maguire’s acknowledgments in the book Wicked
“‘So I have a mad aunt,’ said the Witch. “Maybe madness runs in the family.'”
–Again, this is from Wicked
weeeeee! squee! mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa!!!!!!! OMG i ♥ that book… i think im on my fourth time through it now…
“This song has been commonly misunderstood, this song is called ‘Lie Still, Little Bottle’ and people seem to think it’s about alcoholism, but we are family entertainment, and this song is about, uh…amphetamines and barbituates, actually, so please, don’t get the wrong idea. It’s fictitious.” – John Flansburgh