Saturday, 4 May 2024
Life, the universe, pies, hot-pink bunnies, world domination, and everything
Two pies in every face! A trebuchet in every garage! He’s a candidate whose time at last (alas) has come.
Date: July 15, 2006
Categories: The magazine, Things We like
First, let’s review a little campaign literature from Koko’s infamous 2004 campaign:
10. Your parents think it’s a really bad idea.
9. He’s got a squarer jaw than John Kerry and better hair than George W. Bush.
8. If he loses — SWOOSH! SPLAT!!!
7. He’s no more (and no less) two-dimensional than any other candidate.
6. Why not?
5. His entire campaign platform is “two pies in every face.”
4. He’s against everything that any other candidate is for.
3. He’s easy to draw.
2. He might choose Emily the Strange as his running mate.
1. He’s not Urania.
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Here is a strange slogan:”We’re loco for koko!”
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gnarly
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We need to change #2 and #9
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Hm. Squarer jaw than John McCain and better hair than Hillary Clinton?
You know, it’s hard to imagine K. with a running mate anyway. He’s very much a one-man show.
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Yup!
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why would we change #2?
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His dog could be his running mate…
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Koko and Crraw are the only Muses eligible for presidential office, as only they were born in America. Crraw would make a better president. Here’s the slogan of “Crraw’s Crusaders”;
NATIONAL BIRD
Crraw for president!
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gr8
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9- Very true. I support Koko, because he’s groovy, dude.
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Koko’s campaign has been going on since 2004. He is the original Muse cantidate.
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is ANYONE ON? OR AM I THE ONLY PERSON
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YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY PERSON.
i’d vote koko, if i was old enough to vote…
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gymnastics4ever (post 13) – this isn’t a “chat.” You have to wait for your post to be moderated before it gets on the website…
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He’s exactly the kind of guy that I don’t want to have in the Oval Office. He’s even more trigger-happy than Dubya.
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‘Course, he makes war with pies rather than guns… but still. =P
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Sorry, but Koko seems to immature to have the kind of power the president does. What if he uses goernment funding to start another Pie War???
We should get Koko on the thread. Or mabe just someone to represent him in a debate.
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Like this. But I don’t want to be Koko. Other people are better at it. Libro is really good.
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PP (15) / G4E (13),
And a good thing that is, too. You wouldn’t want to see the sort of spam Rosanne and I zap while moderating. Unbelievable.
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Sorry, I forgot to hit “submit”. I was saying I agree with the Defcon Pilot. And that someone should be Koko’s representitive on this thread.
I have a question for Robert Coontz: Why is the #1 reason to vote for Koko “He’s not Urania”? Who wrote that list anyway?
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My name was wrong. I wasn’t being Koko in #21.
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Kali (21),
I wrote most of the list during the last Presidential campaign, but a Musophile friend suggested item #1. It was all in good fun. I actually have more in common with Urania than with any other Muse…except…maybe…
Hey, that reminds me! My new license plates came today. I haven’t had a chance to install them yet, but I’ll pop one into the scanner and show you what it looks like. Here you go:
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P.S. Here is yet another reason to vote for Koko:
He’s the only candidate who can promise you pie in the sky and deliver it.
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YES!!
WE’RE LOCO FOR KOKO FO’ SHO’!
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Wow, Robert. That plate is FLAMABLAMABLOUS. I’m going to vote Pwt for prez.
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can you get images by using img src=bla bla bla?
cool!
hillary has no chance
vote pwt !
cuz pwt pwns!
i have a trebuchet!
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In 2008 we should support someone who is sneaky and clever, and a great prankster, but who is really good of heart.
And since Kokopelli isn’t actually real (although that would be groovy) I think we should all start begging Michael Moore to run for office.
He’s the closest thing, politically, to Koko I know of in real life.
Although I think he should be the vice president, because Hillary Clinton is planning to run for office I believe, and I want her to be president.
Either one would be fine with me.
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And Bo for Vice President!
Vote for Bo
and there’ll be weeds no mo’.
ehhhhh.
I’ll work on it.
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Here’s his first TV ad, written by K. Z. A. Pentatonikk and paid for by the Kokopelli Campaign 2008.
Jeb: The war on terror–*SPLAT*
Hillary: The voters–*SPLAT*
Cheney: The terrorists–*SPLAT*
Obama: The economy–*SPLAT*
Kokopelli: Wow, that was boring. Why do you put these boring people in charge, year after year? You’d think you’d have some sense by now. That’s why I’m here. You see, the presidency is all fun and games. And, of course, pies. Why vote for someone who’s going to raise taxes or start a war when you can have a President who genuinely cares about whether his people have enough food on their faces… er, in their stomachs?
Muses: Vote Kokopelli in 2008! We’re loco for Koko!
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Awesome Liscence plate!
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Yes, that liscense plate ROCKS to no end. If I had money I would buy one for myself, even though I haven’t got a car, can’t drive and probably never will.
I completely agree that KOKO should be the USA president in ’08. He’s a heck of a lot smarter than the current one, even if he can’t add. The pies, I think, would go along much better than bombs. And, we could feed the world!
More ideas later…
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ahh. the fabled pwt pwns licence plate has emerged.
i’m still gonna vote for koko.
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Omg, yeah. Samablamablous gave me some koko fer pres stickers. I told U about that, right?
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Awesome liscence plate Robert.
#9:Neither of them are eligable unless they’re 35 or older.
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23- Schveet!
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LOVE THE LISCENSE PLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i like koko… but he should not be president….
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OK, heres the plan: Form a new political party, the Muse party. Put Kokopelli in charge. Then, send mass emails to all the GOPers and Dems about what the Muse party’s all about (once we figure that one out). Kokopelli would be running as third party candidate, but he won’t be once we replace the GOP with the Musers.
We get Carus Publishing to publish “KOKOPELLI 2008” bumper stickers, T-Shirts, ect. ect.
Man, I can imaging the debates…
Announcer: How will we pull out of the war in iraq?
Hillary: I think… *SPLAT*
Koko: Its all very smple really: Pie all the insurgents
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I’m emailing the list to everyone, and hopefully they’ll write it in(those of age, of cource)
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This is so cool. Who is going to make the campaign buttons?
#36: Schveet? LOL, that’s schweet.
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34 (kiki)- Yes, you told us. I have those stickers, too. I’d put one in my locker, but I won’t have one next year as I’m off to boarding school.
35 (SD)- Kokopelli is very old. He goes way back to Hopi legends. Crraw… Well, I’m not sure how old he is.
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40- Yeah…schweet with a Sweedish accent. Or something like that…
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DOWN WITH KOKOPELLI. He is a menace to society.
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*pies CC* HOW DARE YOU!!!! 
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*pies Copper Yeti back* That’s how I dare! DOWN WITH KOKO! UP WITH CRRAW! *pies all Kokopelli obsessors*
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*is pied*
Yum, Cherry.
I smell pie war…
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aren’t we all menaces to society?
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40- Me and VF can make campainn stickers! I allready coppied the “kokopelli for president ” picture at the top, so all I have to do is copy it a few times, print it out, run it through the sticker machine, cut em out, and vola! Instint advertizement. I’ll make sure to stick somr on my journels for school…
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Let me see if I can make this perfectly clear. I have no plans to run for President. Zero. No definite plans of any kind. Just a vague hope that uncounted thousands of precinct workers, fund raisers, button- and bumpersticker sellers, and bake-off organizers are working, in a stupendously unplanned way, on my behalf. That would feel GOOD. But I really have no plans, just a kind of itch to keep feeling good. So don’t stop! Oh, dear founding fathers and moms, don’t stop!!
By the way, did I mention that all the other candidates are lame-o, compared to me? I can promise to keep my promises just as well as any of them. If I’m elected. Without plans of any kind.
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Hey, Musers,
His Royal Pieness has graced us with his presence.
*wipes banana-cream filling off forehead*
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Kokopelli, since when do imitate George Pataki? *is going to get pied*
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KOKO! Hi!
we will continue to work our fingers to the bone(not) for you.
We’re loko for Koko!
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(43) yesss! We should have other canidates.
ΔΩWΓ WΙΘ ΘΗ KΩKΩ ΠΥΦΦ!
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I have a theory about why Crraw gave Bo the “Cow Chow” with meat in it;
1. He’s the only muse eligeable for vice (other than Kokopelli)
2. Pwt, being the muse of animals, probably wouldn’t do something to craww if it were at Bo’s expence.
3. Koko might
4. Crraw can fly; Koko can’t. I don’t thnk…
Conclusion:
Kokopelli thought of the Cow Chow prank but didn’t want to risk doing it himself. He may have offerd Crraw the position of Vice President so he could run with another muse – and as a bribe. Also note that it’s been years since Crraw has been pied. Koko isn’t a muse to be stopped by difficult targets, so there must be another reason for this, too.
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Yay! I wrote to Larry and asked him to bring Koko over, and I guess he did! Squee!
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Loco for Koko, eh? Good slogan, Grouse!
I thought of another one this morning in the shower while I was washing my six hairs. It’s (dah-dahhh):
NO PLANS
I have no plans to run, and no plans if elected. I have no plans to do anything to you or for you or about you. I’ll just do whatever I feel like. That’s my platform, and I’m sticking to it. Anything else and I couldn’t live with myself.
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45 (CC)- No! No! No! Keep Crraw out of the White House! I shudder to think who he’d nominate for poet laureate… Is he allowed to pick himself?
56 (Koko)- Not even pieing Congress? Or the Supreme Court? Awful shame, that.
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Yeaah. I think the Senate deserves a good banna-cream.
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GOOD NEWS KOKO!
We’ve reached 300 posts on the original ‘Muse Movie’ thread. And I’ll be sending the next script sample to the Muse crew sometime soon hopefully.
If I can ever find time to proofread it.
You’ll be getting your own movie by 2008 at this point.
February 10th is my goal.
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What is this nonsense about Crraw? The bird isn’t even running. (Hm. Can you fly for President?) There are, however, some good positions available for him in my Cage, I mean Cabinet.
As for pie-ing Congress, 57, all I said was that at the present time, I have no plans to.
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A campaign verse:
No plans! To run!
It’s time to have some fun!
To run! No plans!
We all are Koko fans!
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kokopelli doesnt want any competion, hmm?
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I think Kokopelli might have trouble running in 2008. Isn’t there a law about presidents only serving two terms?
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was he elected last time? i didnt think so. and you can run for president more often than that. or so i thought. someone better at politics than me could figure it out
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FF– I think Mr. Baker is making a joke by implying that the current president is, in fact, Kokopelli in disguise.
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*waves to PB&J* Well I can see where he got that idea.
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kokopelli would never be as dumb as Bush. the very idea of it!
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Bush has bushes 4 brains. 
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Craww is being smartnot to run for president. The president is our naitonal scape goat. Feather would make a good Advisor to the president. He’s smart, but too slow to be good in debates.
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51-rofl
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feather’s a he?
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I beleve so.
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Why do I get the impression that enthusiasm for my campaign began to dwindle as soon as I actually showed up in person? Don’t you really–sob–want me?
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I think Bo would make a good president. Ay least he’d get his facts straight, and chew things over before bombing someone.
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Of course we do, Koko! *hugs and gets pied*
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since you said that you had no definite plans to run for president?
of course will support you koko!
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okay… lets try an image
maybe? maybe not
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what????????????
all the html is goneeeeeeeeeee
try again
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okayyyyyyy….
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As I’ve said… DOWN WITH KOKOPELLI.
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Of cource! We love you Koko! *pies Kokopelli* I bet I’m the first person who has ever done that..*prepares to be pied*
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I smell pie war…. and it smells like the cookie factory that sits right next to my favorite pizza place…..
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Yeah! Down with me! Another great slogan!
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Aeiou for the person that runs the White House computer system!!!! Actually, I just want to see her in person. And since Crraw is here, what the heck?
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is there such a person?
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23 – That is one seriously fantastic license plate! Unless someone beats me to it I’ll definitely look into getting one when I get a car. Maybe we can start a nationwide campaign amongst the Musers and get at least one PWT PWNS license plate in every state!
I’d definitely vote for Kokopelli. He couldn’t be any worse than the current president and I don’t think he’d hurt the government since, in my opinion, it’s already pretty messed up. I’m officially joining the Muse political party! 
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And speaking of license plates…..less than two month until I’m sixteen. I probably can’t afford a car. *cackles madly anyway*
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Crraw for president! He certianly is more literate than the current adminstration…..
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Well Craw could be his adviser. Then the masses woul’dnt have to hear gis poems brodcasted over tv.
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It’s really to bad tht Kokopelli doesn’t fit on a licence plate. It’s to long, and I bet someone’ll best me to getting the Illionois Pwt pwns plate. *snibble*
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What about those message-bearing metal frames that go around license plates? You know, the ones that car dealers put their names on? It would be easy to modify one of them to say “PWT PWNS.” Then you wouldn’t need personalized tags, and any number of people could have the same message. You could even add the Fan Page’s URL if you liked.
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Yeah! I should do that on our car now…*looks around sneakily*
Ahh darn I cant. We have a holder over one of them that is allready filled up with advertizements for my hockey team, and my dad’s car is a company one so I can’t do anything to it. I gueass I’ll heve to wait for my own. *sulks*
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You know what? I think all musers should have a secret sign or somthing so we’d know when we ran into each other. Otherwise we just can’t tell. Maybe this should go on the threads ideas thread….oh well.
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93- That would be cool…
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Yeah, a secret sign would be good.
How about:
Say I’m walking down the street. I see somebody with a Kokopelli T-shirt. Not one that says he’s a Muse, just a picture of him. So I hold up 4 fingers.
If that person is a Muser, he or she recognizes the sign and holds up 2 fingers on one hand and 1 finger on the other.
4×2+1=9= number of muses.
Too complicated??
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How about three fingers for the sign and two fingers for the countersign (3 squared = 9)?
(Of course, MuseBloggers already know the best way to signal your presence to other Musers: sit down at a baseball game, and open a book.)
I’ve found some online sites that sell customized license-plate frames. $20 seems to be a typical price. Here’s one: www dot autoplates dot com/catalog/custom.php?view=standard.
You could have KOKOPELLI FOR PRESIDENT! or PWT PWNS as your main message (25 character limit) and http://www.musefanpage.com as the secondary message (on top, 20 character limit). That’s a fair amount of money to spend, though. Hm… maybe Carus Publishing could get a bulk discount…
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91 – great idea! We should try that on our car!!
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PC (95),
Still another idea: First Muser holds up three fingers to represent the hairs on top of Kokopelli’s head. Second Muser responds by holding up three fingers sideways to represent the hairs on back of Koko’s head. Simple?
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98- i like it!
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For full effect, you could do it two-handed: three fingers up, three sideways. Maybe that should be the official Muser greeting signal (whenever pies aren’t available).
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I don’t like how Kokopelli is such a ubitiquous symbol of Muse. He is the most popular, but he shouldn’t be. I suggest we kick him out of Kokonino altogether. Since he has a crush on Urania, he might be attracted to one of the other Greek Muses. The one of comic poetry (I don’t know her name) would suit him quite well. Then we replace him with a muse of literature or art.
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……..I I I
_
_
_
heheh.
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98- INDEED!
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Mr. Baker.
Bo is a girl.
I don’t remember male cows having those milk baloons.
Pay attention.
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hmmm
i dont have a koko shirt,
what do i do?
i dont think walking around with my fingers like that wiuld eb too comfortable…
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If we do the finger thing, and the person isn’t a museblogger, then the person would look at us funny…
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So what’s new about that?
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ventually ill have to go and buy attack of the smart pies. ill get a koko shirt then.
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I just had a dream about Aeiou. And fairies. and my friend Sara. And mutant octopi.
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That could work. Allthough it does looks like we’re giving the “scouts honor” thing.
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105- Get a mohawk. Dye it black. And make six spikes.
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I SHALL LEAD THE ANTI-KOKOPELLI MOVEMENT. WHO WILL JOIN ME????
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111-i think i will do that…
rofl that would be funny if i actually did do that. simply insanly diff from what i have now…
but, id have to put a bunch of other hair on the basck of my head to make it square…
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113- Heh heh, that would be cool. Maybe I’ll try it when I move out…Yeah, making it square might be a problem…*ponders* Plastic hair falls? Almost like hair extentions….
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100 – yes! Perfect. And you know when you hold 3 fingers (your index, middle and ring fingers) up, your thumb holds your pinky? If both hands hold up 3 fingers and their thumb holds their pinky, there will be 2 circles on each hand, and they can link. This is hard to explain. But I think it was a good idea!
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Sir Ozlips, if your ‘re on the Koko for 2008 pres. thread, why are you anti-Kokopelli? eh?
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By the way !!! PIE !!! : twisted :
hehehehe : twisted :
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WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
I’m having fun! : twisted :
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115- o i get it
117&18 no spaces between the colons. like thiis : 
:–D
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The trouble with Koko for president is that China and Russia probably have similar characters, wo might well ride into power on the wave of global Kokolarity. It could start a new arms race. Have any of you ever considered the implications of huge arsenals of intercontinental ballistic pies? Suppose a Russian diplomat made an unguarded remark. Vladivostok submerged under a deluge of apple and rhubarb. Nizhny Novgorod plunged into permanent winter by a huge pie crust. And then the counterattack. The White House covered in sticky chiffon pie, emitting a pungent Russian coffee flavour. Half the interstates impasssable because of surgical strikes involving whipped cream and vodka. It doesn’t bear thinking about.
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rofl-ya ICBP’s
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But isin’t Koko totally UNIQUE? Other people may try to imatate his way of running things, but Koko is cunning-er than them. Or, at least, we should hope. Because if he isn’t, we will very shortly be covered in pastry.
*runs and hides under bed*
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(80 + 81) “Down with the Koko Puff” is better. (got it from the muse mail page in an old issue)
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KOKO FOR PREZ! I’m loco for koko guys. Maybe he’ll actually stop trying to solve the world’s problems! I mean, it’s all well and good trying to fix the world, but if you can’t do it right don’t try. it’ll make things worse. *coughbushcough* Yes PB&J, bush is totally not koko in disguise. Koko’s cooler than that. VOTE KOKO!!! Oh btw i forgot to bring my koko shirt on vacation so y’all could stop dead in the street and pie me, but i’ll remember next time! Oh yeah and i’m really sick so i’m not supposed to be on i don’t think…or something…but yeah. i’ve had a fever for like 4 days. but i thought it was supposed to go away after it broke? Cuz my fever’s broken 4 times in 4 days…odd that. Anyway, yay for medicine i’m happy and hyper right now. but i really hate being sick, you can’t do anything. parentals have imprisoned me! help! help! i’m being repressed!
bloody peasant!
oh what a giveaway. did you hear that? Did you hear him repressing me? You saw it, didn’t you?
yay monty python i love randomly spouting quotes, it’s fun. Anyhoo, leaving before i sneeze all over keyboard and parents gasp and admonish me or whatever the word is don’t be mean to me i just woke up. ARRRRRGH!!!!!!!
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Oh wait, where’s Morbid’s site again? Is it still up? Could somebody post a link plz if it is? Tankers.
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125- I think I came here after Morbid left…but I think you can find the link on Queenie’s site…Google “cathassus”
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KOKO ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok, now that thats over with lets have everybody list 5 reasons we love koko. mine are
1. PIES!
2.MORE PIES!
3.how can you resist a cartoon?
4.a party of its own
and
5.NOT URANIA!!!!!!!!!!
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(142) I think I was sick like that once. I’d feel crappy all day, get hyper just before dinner and then be to tierd to get up the stairs afterward.
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(147) I would do a list, but I DON”T like Koko!
Down with the Koko Puff!
If Koko’s going to be president, we should see how he does running something smaller. Most presidents cone from the senate, but that would take too long. Make Koko in charge of Muse Blog for a week and see how he does.
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carrw running mate has to be aeiou
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hello! anybody there?
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129-the senate in come open
koko for ar. senater
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Koko Puff,
Head full of fluff,
What brains he has are not enough!
He ain’t great,
What a fate,
He should not be head of state!
Catchy???
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I think Bo should run for pres. We need a woman in the Oval Office
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We could always send Koko off to run that town who’s mayor is a donkey. =) But yeah. Ohohoh. We could make that guy Angelides make Koko his mascot or something. =D And then Koko could take over California.
Hey, it’s a start, isn’t it?
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I think Shrek should stand for president. He has popular appeal and considerable credibility. And he’s done Holywood.
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KOKOPELLI USED SUBLIMINAL ADVERTISING ON ME!!!!!
I told someone my username was KOKO474 (it’s really kimi474) Also, whenever i try to post a link to a certian comic (march 2002 in kth koko and ko archives) I get called avay from the computer or the message gets deleted!
Koko, if you sensor this one out I’ll sick my pet dragon and BOTH of my horses on you!
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There it is again! kth instead of the!
heres the link. ( I didn’t want to risk loosing the rest of the message)
http://www.cricketmag.com/activity_display.asp?id=435
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KOKOPELLI!
COME BACK!
WE WANT YOU FOR PREZ!
BETTER THAN HILARY OR WHAT-IS-NAME OR ANY OF THE MUSES!
LOCO FOR KOKO! LOCO FOR KOKO!
K-O-K-O, WE’RE LOCO FOR KOKO!
not koo-koo for coca puffs,
LOCO FOR KOKO!
*begins to print out flyers to hand out to neighbors tomorrow*
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y’know what, i just changed my mind.
if koko doesn’t want to be prez,
he doesn’t have to.
LET’S HAVE URANIA FOR PREZ!
*sniggers, hoping to annoy koko*
*activates shield against pies*
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If Koko becomes prezzzzzzzzzzzzzz*wakes up* Oops, sorry. If Koko was president, he’d use PIE WARFARE! Mimi would try harder to avoid wars, but she was born in Australia.
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141- well, pie warfare is a lot more innocent than actual guns and bombs and whatever else there is
it would also be a lot more tasty
as long as everyone uses food, not concrete
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(137) Good… It wasn’t blocked
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koko could help us with mh. if oley for four years
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Pie warfare would be a safe, fun and practical alternative. I’m loko for Koko!
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go Koko go! pies for all faces and…um…all that other stuff.
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You mean Koko isn’t already ki-*cough* I mean, president? How did that happen? *ponders*
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GO KOKO GO!!!! And mr.president koko sir: what does PWT stand for!!!!???
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Forget 2 pies in every face- how about 3? or 4? or 5? or 10? 20? 30? 50? 100? 200? 500? 1000? 10000? 100000? 1 million? 1 billion? so many that they go around the world and the last one touches the person’s back?
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definetly koko 4 pres. pies in the face are still goin’ and ive seen em’ for 4 years MWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA.
Aha…
~agrrrfishi, Quadrant 5, Sector 4, ah blah blah blah.
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Hmmmm… I’m beginning think that maybe Aeiou and Kokopelli might make a good co-president team!
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No one’s posted on this thread in several months. Probably just abandoned.
Is Koko a Democrat, Republican, or independent (or pie throwing)?
I would think he would run independent, though he might loose some competition if he ran for D or R
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Last time he ran as a Demokokopublican.
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