Sunday, 28 April 2024
Life, the universe, pies, hot-pink bunnies, world domination, and everything
The original Muse How-Tos thread described itself thus:
“… the best way to make chocolate chip cookies, a good method of doing homework, the secret to jump-roping, etc.”
We can’t improve on that description (or on the cookie recipe). Herewith, a place to post your favorite helpful hints, tips, recipes, trade secrets, shortcuts, and workarounds.
Date: August 3, 2006
Categories: Life
FIRST POST!!!!
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Anyone want a way to get past a level on Marble Blast Gold?
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The secret to jump-roping…did we ever cover that?
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umm… pretend you are only jumping into the far rope if you are doing double dutch is a good one. Did anyone ever try Skippers Chocklit cookies?
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how to do your homework:
1) pretend the due date is a day before it actually is due
2) take breaks periodically
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How to make Penty really mad (Museblog edition):
1. Be stupid.
2. Post pointlessly. This includes, for example, “i like pie” in a specialised thread like Hot Topics or the RRR or “OMG FURST POST!!!11!!ELEVENTYONE!” anywhere.
3. Don’t back up your opinions. “Bush sucks”, while a statement I might be inclined to agree with (no offence to anyone) is basically unfounded (so far as you’ve told me) bashing.
4. Be concieted. “I wrote some really wonderful poetry; it’s all about suicide and true love. It’s way better than anything any of you have written, but I’m not going to show it to you because then you’d all think I’m depressed.”
5. Disregard the opinions of others. “You’re so totally wrong. Do you know anything about politics?” “Of course I do. You’re just stupid.”
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oh, YAY! This original thread was my idea! yippeee!
My how-to for the day:
How to make a good soap carving –
Use a paperclip to shave off small bits at a time
Ivory soap works best for me
ok..that’s all I have to offer right now (sorry!)
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2 – We kinda already got that covered. you can totally still post it, though.
How to type:
place your fingers on the home keys - A , S , D , F , J , K , L , and semicolon.…….etc.
I don’t have any good how-tos.
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8- Whaddya mean, youve got it covered?
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I was going to say soap carving, but you can’t really tell someone how to make a good one. They kind of should figure it out themselves. Although, as broadly as you put it, that doesn’t matter.
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I can tell you how to make chocolate chip cookies, and how to decorate a cake. That’s about it. Or how to crochet.
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I can tell you how to make chocolate chip cookies, and how to decorate a cake. That’s about it.
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5-that’s the non-procrastinatorial version that is recomended by the people that actually give you the homework
suspicious, eh?
how to do html
hold shift
push “comma”
release shift
type: something -i for italic, b for bold, etc
hold shift
push “period”
release shift
type the text that you want formatted
hold shift
push “comma”
push”?”
release shift
type thing you typed before-i,b, strike
hold shift
type “”period”
release shift
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5- How moste people ende up doing their homework:
1. Pretend it’s due the day before it’s actually due
2. Put it off because you really can’t bring yourself to do it
3. Realize you didn’t do it the night before it’s due
4. Do it in homeroom the next morning.
I really have to stop doing that…
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I need to know how to get a book published.
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I was on this other blog (on Neopets.com,) and one person had a how-to: “101 Ways to get Kicked Out of Wal-Mart.”
I didn’t read all 101, but here are some I remember.
1. When the intercom thingy comes on, get on the floor, writhe and scream, then say, “Oh, the voices, the voices are back!”
2. Speak badly about the manager’s fashion (if she’s a girl) or hair (if he’s a boy) right in front of said manager.
3. Have cart races down the aisles.
4. Put boxes upside down on the shelves.
You have to have a certain kind of “humor” to find this funny, but I LOVE IT.
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Oh yeah, and to that person who wanted help on getting a book published:
1. Check out the most recent copy of “Writer’s Market.” It is THE definitive work for new and old writers.
2. Get an agent. The agent should be described as representing your genre of work.
3. Send a query letter with SASE to said agent. A query letter tells the agent what type of work you have, where you can be contacted, etc. A SASE is short for a Self Addressed Stamped Envelope.
4. After you get an agent, the agent will probably help you work on getting a publisher.
5. Work on your next book!
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Hello, GM! We haven’t heard from you since March. Have you been elsewhere, or just lurking?
There are also “vanity presses” that you can pay to publish your books. They’re not expensive by adult standards nowadays, but it would come to a fair amount of baby-sitting money.
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Thanks, guys, I can see that this thread will be helpful.
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15 (PC)- Oh god. You’ve gotten me started now. Silly of you.
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1. Write a good book.
2. Edit it. A lot. Edit your poor baby until you think it’s the best it can be. It won’t be, but you need to get it to as close to that point as possible.
3. Give it to at least five of the most savage critics you know. These should be people who will be cruel but fair. People who will say “OMG SOOOOO GOOD PUBLISHPUBLISHPUBLISH NOW!” or on the opposite end of the spectrum, “This sucks. Go stick your head in a toilet and stop polluting the world of literature.” are not good choices.
You need someone who is willing to sit down with you (even if you’ve only ever known them on the Internet and couldn’t sit down with them because they live halfway around the country), point out both the strengths and flaws of your story, and give you possible ways to fix the flaws. It will be hard. There will be disagreements. Sometimes you’ll be right, and sometimes your beta will. But your book will get better.
4. Do your homework. Start checking publishers. Find several that you think will be good homes for your story. If you’re writing a middle-grade fantasy, you don’t want to send it to a publisher that specialises in adult mysteries. Also, unless you’re planning on getting a literary agent (which is going to be very difficult, though not impossible), you should look for houses that take unsolicited submissions. It’ll usually say something about that on their website, under a heading like “Contact Us” or “Submission Guidelines.” Make a list of the publishers you like. It’s good if you can put them in order; it’ll save you time when it comes time to submit.
5. Pick your favourite publisher and send in whatever they want, as per the guidelines. This can range from the entire manuscript to a summary to the first three chapters or so. Usually, you’ll also be asked for a cover letter, which is basically a letter describing your credentials and your story. It depends entirely on the publisher, which is why you need to read the guidelines for each house. Very few things will make you look dumber to a publisher than sending them an entire five-hundred-page manuscript when they specifically asked for the first ten thousand words. Be smart. Don’t do it.
6. If you’re religious, now is the time to pray. Now, you have to wait while the publisher reviews your submission. Depending on the house and what you sent in, this could take between weeks and months. Usually, it’ll say how long you should expect to wait on their submissions page. Eventually, you’ll get some sort of response. If you’ve been accepted, start celebrating. You did it. You deserve it.
7. But what about if you’ve been rejected? Take it well. Don’t get discouraged and say your story sucks and waste all the hard work you did. Not every work is right for every publishing house. It’s not necessarily anything to do with your writing. Simply move on to the next publisher on your list and repeat steps 6 and 7 for as long as is necessary. Doing more revision in between submissions isn’t always a bad idea either, but the important thing is to keep going. J. K. Rowling was rejected many, many times before Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone was finally accepted by Bloomsbury. Keep working. Keep plugging. Keep writing.
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And there you have it. How to get a book published. in seven ridiculously hard, laborious steps. Hey, if it were easy everybody would be doing it.
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Allow me to add to Penty’s wise words one comment from my favorite poetry professor. When it comes to criticism of your writing — assuming it’s given and received in good faith — he said, “accept only the advice you agree with.”
In other words, if you try to graft someone else’s vision onto your work for the wrong reasons, you’ll end up distorting your efforts and creating bigger problems. A corollary: Even when I disagree with other people’s diagnosis, I often find they may be right about the symptoms.
Another take on the same subject I read somewhere — be completely honest with yourself and be sure of what kind of criticism you want before you show your work to someone. Then choose a person who will provide that kind of feedback. If you really just want reassurance to keep you motivated, don’t ask the analytical critic. If you want a useful, insightful critique, don’t ask the person who will nitpick you to death.
The advice sounds obvious — until the moment of uncontainable excitement when you show your story to your best friend and she makes a casually cruel remark because she’s had a fight with her boyfriend and you end up crushing the pages into a back corner of your desk and swear you’ll never write another word for the rest of your life.
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How to survive as a sophomore during band camp
1. Don’t be arrogant
2. Don’t order freshies around all the time
3. Don’t act like a senior
4. Don’t be stuck-up
5. Don’t be all full of yourself
6. YOU ARE A SOPHOMORE, NOT A FRICKIN SENIOR! GET OVER YOURSELF!!!
7. And, as always, don’t p’o the seniors.
Sorry, this has been REALLY bugging me. All my friends have been like “yay we’re not freshies, we rock, go die in a hole!” And the really sad thing is last year everybody hated the sophomores and were like “they’re sooo stuck up, we are definitely not going to be like them when we’re sophomores!”
So to anybody who’s going to be a sophomore, this year, next year, or any year, i say once again GET OVER YOURSELF!!!! Not that you froods would be like that at all. MBers aren’t jerks. I love you guys, go you!!!!!
That wasn’t much of a how-to, more like a rant. Ah well.
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(20, 21) Both great advice! It is best to pick and choose, as you both say, your reviewers carefully. One of the reasons I dislike FictionPress, people leave such paltry comments it’s hardly worth it.
(22) I agree with that. People hate what’s above them until they are that, and then they hate what’s below them, which is what they once were.
How to Write a Poem
This is actually a trick. There are no steps. Ha.Haha. I can’t possibly tell you “do this and you will have a poemâ€. -poetic humour-
But if I were to give advice on it ( no questions on whether or not I qualified to), I would say the following things.
1) Find a way of getting your thoughts down that works. For me, I write everything down on Notepad, and then spell-check it in Word later (though that mostly applies to prose, since my misspellings are decidedly less with poetry). Even if it’s writing upside down with a space pen, whatever works for you is the best way.
2) Even if it’s s ingle stanza that comes to mind, write it down. You can build from the inside out, so to speak. This has happened to me many times.
3) Don’t box yourself in. Try different types of poetry, of varying length, rhyme scheme, meter, you name it. I do well with free verse because it doesn’t ask anything of me. But others like the structure of the iambic pentameter. Poetry is whatever you want it to be, so go with what you like.
4) Scare people with your skills. No really, do it. They won’t understand you ever again. xD
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How to cut a coat hanger without wire cutters and with a pair of pliers.
take the part of the hanger you want cut and grab it with the pliers. Bend the wire until it breaks. Don’t touch the ends, they’ll be hot. Very hot.
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(15, &c) Electronic publishing is another option. A friend who writes science fiction romances built a following through ebooks, several of which are now in print as well.
This discussion reminds me . . . here’s how NOT to become a respectable poet unless all you care about is seeing your name in print.
During my brief tenure as a poetry editor for a literary journal, I used to dread getting submissions from this one woman. Every few weeks she’d send envelopes stuffed to the bursting point with dozens of poems, several crammed to the page, even running up into the margins. Mention her name to other editors, and they’d just roll their eyes.
She sent buckets of poems to hundreds of small journals and lots of them got accepted — she kept score. I even stumbled across a book of hers in a 2nd-hand shop. Guess she got what she wanted. Proof that persistence gets results.
What I resented most was her complete lack of respect and courtesy for the editors or even for her own work to present it in such a slipshod matter. Then there was the doctor who typed her poetry on the back of old letterhead, and the guy who repaired his worn pages with tape and shuffled them off to the next submission. I’d better stop there.
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In short, neatness counts. As an editor, I agree. It’s really just the old Golden Rule at work: if you want editors to love (and publish) you, make their jobs easier.
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What about subsidy publishing? I think self-publishing would be a better idea.
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everybody who wants to be a writer should read the elements of style. actuall, you should read it anyways just because it’s funny but that’s kind of beside the point.
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And if you have a good idea for a scene in a story, write it down and THEN construct the rest around it. Otherwise, it will fade into oblivion and you will end up with an empty shell of a piece…..
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OTZI I love you! You remembered my cookie recipe. Some body try them! NOW! GO INDULDGE IN TOO MUCH CHOKLIT! NOW NOW NOW!!!
(7) That sound crazy fun! I’ve tried that before with crayons, but they were a little to brittle.
…oh-ho. rhyiming, folks, rhyming! *is pied*
Here’s something to have if you feel hungry, but know you’ve already snacked way to much today:
Get a tall glass
Put some crushed ice in the bottom.
Pour in CONCENTRATED cranberry juice (not the Ocean Spray cocktail kind. This is stuff is unsweetened and very strong). Pour in enough for the jiuce to be level with the ice.
Add some fat free plain yogurt.
Fill the rest of the cup with water and stir.
Add sugar.
eegads, laptops nearly out of juice and the power cords kaput. I’ll have to switch to me dad’s desktop.
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(22) Ah Ebeth, that is a how to I shall certainly remember. I recently returned from band camp, where I was a freshie. And indeed, I found many sophies to be rather… unpleasant.
(28) I’ve been meaning to read that ever since Robert suggested it a few months back! I started reading it in a book shop but I couldn’t buy it coz I had no money. But I learned a lot just from the couple chapters I read.
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Also, read Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. It will save your beta a darn lot of work correcting misplaced periods and commas, and semicolons just look impressive when used correctly.
22 (Ebeth)- Excellent advice. Actually, I think that just applies to school in general.
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how to get really sad…
1: read Life In Prison by Tookie Williams
2: On the anniversary of the Hiroshima/Nagasaki bombings
(aug. 6)
3: Log on to MuseBlog and realize that one of your close friends has just accused you of many nasty things on the “Return of the GAPA” thread and then called you a dictator and a facist on the “Chronicles of Museica” thread.
4: be reallly, really sad/angry at Pixiecorpse/Heroine/somewhere over the rainbow.
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How to annoy SM:
1. Play country music in the car. It’s the only type of music she hates.
2. Play that song with the line, “to the world / you may be just / another girl / but to / me-e-e / bay-be / youare / theworld”
3. Yell at her when she rants about her hatred of that song.
Seriously, that song is the ultimate compilation of every single cheezy trite line ever. It completely lacks creativity. And the “singer”‘s voice is soooo annoying. There aren’t many things I hate that much. This is one.
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how to cook:
buy the food. let someone else cook it.
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A Step-By-Step Guide on How to Eat With a Fork: The Complete and Unabridged Edition
1) Drive to the store. This requires you to have your keys and a car, both of which can be bought at the dealer.
(It is recommended, but not required, that you check if your tank contains enough fuel for the trip.)
2) Walk into the store. You will need shoes and a shirt (pants will most likely be required as well; check with the manager). This will also require you to have feet. If you do not have feet, it would be advisable to purchase a prosthetic leg.
3) Find the fork. It is urged that you pay the cashier before leaving with the fork; otherwise, there may be unintended consequences.
4) Drive home. Do NOT forget to bring the fork with you; otherwise, you may have to drive back again.
5) Cook food. This may be done in a variety of ways; see #35 for details on one method.
6) Sink the fork into the food. Press the pointed end(s) of the fork into the food.
7) Pull the food up and into your mouth. Repostion the fork somewhat so that it is at an angle that it will not allow the food to fall off, and use your arm to pull the fork (and food) toward your mouth. Now, open your mouth, and use your arm to push the fork and food into it. Close your mouth, and withdraw the fork.
8) Repeat steps 6 & 7 as necessary.
=D
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anyhoo…
I tried Robert’s breakfast glop from the old thread, with a few twists:
-vanilla yogurt
– no sugar
-no bananas
-blueberries, and
-granola. It was yummy!
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Can Skipper Nancy reprint her cookie recipe? And are you named after the Nancy from Pirates!? I only ask because I reread it and she reminded me of you.
Muse How-To’s 2? Yay! This looks like a perfect place to put yet another copy of my famous How To Make Muse Stickers post, just in case people have forgotten about it and don’t make em anymore. So now I’ve just gotta go find it…..
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Here’s my fabulongolishiousperfiwonderpipical Muse Sticker post! Enjoy!
What is a sticker?
A sticker is a little picture that had sticky glue-stuff on the back that causes it to stick to things.
How do I make them?
You just print out a pretty little picture and run it through your sticker machine. If you don’t have a machine, tough luck. Here’s a little recipe that works almost as well:
You need: 4 tbs hot water
2 tbs flavored gelatin powder
Pour the gelatin into a small glass bowl, add water and stir until blended.
Brush the mixture onto the back of your sticker.
Allow to set for 30-45 minutes or until dry.
When you’re ready, wet the back and stick it!
Okay, there you go!
Where do I get the pictures?
First, go to https://musefanpage.com/blog/?p=227, the Boosting Muse thread, and copy the hpb pictures that Bobby was so nice to post for us. Use them. And, find some images online of Kokopelli. It shouldn’t be hard. Collect other Muse-related pictures, such as the Muses, pie, and the Muse logo.
Note: Now you can get lots of hot pink bunnies at the BUNNIES BUNNIES BUNNIES thread, https://musefanpage.com/blog/?p=283, plus there’s a pretty good Koko there too.
What should I do with the images?
Leave the hpb ones as they are. With the Kokopelli picture, paste him into a writing document on your computer. Type Kokopelli 4 Prezzy! or Vote For Koko! underneath in a Muse-ish font. Make up some things to write with the others. If you find a picture of Pwt, make a Pwt Pwns sticker with her/him on it. If you don’t have a pic of Pwt, just do the words.
For stickers without images, just type in a text box. MUSE and MOSTLY HARMLESS are good ideas.
How did some Musers get hpb stickers?
They wrote in to Muse at:
Muse Magazine
Attention: Samantha Sordyl
140 S. Dearborn Street, Suite 1450
Chicago, IL 60603
Send a self-addressed and stamped envelope, and you’ll get some stickers!
That should be all. If you have any questions, raise your hand.
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How to Make Robert’s Breakfast Glop (simplified version):
1. Pour a carton of yogurt into a somewhat larger bowl.
2. Stir in enough water so that you can still eat it with a spoon (but not enough so that you have to drink it).
3. Sweeten it a little bit. (I use Splenda.)
4. Add as many berries, grapes, and chunks of cut-up fruit as you like.
That’s all.
(37) Otzi: Glop is very flexible. My current batch has blueberries but no bananas, too. I always eat my granola on the side, though.
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I knew you’d post that! I was about to grab it from the old How-Tos and post it for you, that’s how well I knew.
I did grab, though, your How To Make Boring Classes and Assignments Interesting post. I’m gonna keep it. It should be here so that all the newer Bloggers can read it. Do you want me to post it, or shall you?
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Go ahead and repost it, if you like.
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Back by popular request!
Skipper’s Excellent Overly Choklit Delicious Cookies
(actually I didn’t make this recipe but whatever…)
You need:
2 cups flour
1/2 cup cocoa powder
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 lb semisweet choklit, chopped
4 eggs
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 tsp instant coffe or espresso powder
10 tbs (1 and 1/4 sticks) butter
1 and 1/2 cups packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
What to do:
1) Sift together flour, cocoa, baking powder and salt.
2) Melt the chopped choklit by putting it in a heat proof bowl set over a pan of almost simmering water. When it is smooth, remove from heat.
3) In a small bowl, beat eggs with vanilla and mix in coffee.
4) Beat butter until creamy. Mix in both sugars.
5) Gradually add in egg mixture.
6) Gradually add in choklit mixture.
7) With th mixer at low speed, gradually add dry ingrediants. Don’t over beat.
8) Cover the mixture and allow it to sit at room temp. for about 30 minutes (until it is the consistency of skoopable fudge).
9) Meanwhile, adjust your oven racks to upper and lower middle positions. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.
If you don’t have parchment paper, just make sure to grease the pans really well.
10) Skoop the dough onto the cookie sheets. It works really well if you use an ice-cream skooper. Place the mounds about 1.5 inches apart.
11) Bake for about 10 minutes, switching the 2 sheets from back to front and top to bottom halfway through. When they are done, the edges will be beginning to harden, but the centers will still be quite soft. Don’t be tempted to bake them longer; they harden up once they’ve cooled.
12) Take them out of the oven and allow them to cool on the sheet for 10 minutes. Then take the off and let them cool to room temp on a rack.
I have found these to be excellent tools for final exam studying, rainy days, and bribery.
VF- No, I’m not named after Nancy from Pirates! but I am named after a girl named Nancy from a book about pirates. Weird coincidence. The book I’m took my name from (actually it’s a series) is Swallows and Amazons. Nancy is girl who has a boat called the Amazon and she and her sister pretend to be pirates with their freinds who have a boat called the Swallow. They’re a really good series about childhood.
I’ve never read Pirates! though I’ve seen it in the library. Is it good?
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finger knitting makes a cord. it’s an excellent time waster.
HOW TO FINGER KNIT:
1) tie the end of a piece of yarn to your thumb.
2)pull it under first finger, over middle, under third, over pinkie, under pinkie, over third, under middle, over first, under first.
3) bring yarn over middle, third, and pinkie.
4) bring the loop of yarn over the thread and over your finger, so that it’s to the back of your finger. You now have a loop on either side of your finger.
5) do the same to the third and pinkie.
7) now the yarn should be next to your pinkie. wrap it around the back of your hand and lay it across you fingers.
8)pull each orginal loop over your fingers and over the strand of yarn.
9)repeat steps 7 and 8 about five times.
9) take the yarn off your thumb only.
10) pull hard. make it tight.
11) repeat steps 7-9.
12) pull the yarn that came off your thumb tight.
13) when you get your cord the length you want, finish it off.
How to finish:
1)take the loop off the first and put it on the middle.
2) take the loops off the middle and put it on the third.
3) take the loops off the third and put it on the pinkie.
4) take the loops off the pinkie and thread the strand that’s closest to it through the loops.
5) pull tight.
if you didn’t get confused, you should have a long cord.
repeat
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HOW TO GET YOUR PARENTS TO LEAVE YOUR ROOM
-Be completely unresponsive. Don’t even grunt.
-Blare “I write sins not tragedies” by Panic! at the disco (even if you hate the song)
-leave. They will follow. Then go back in really fast + slam door
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(45)-
I wish that would work,
except a) my parents get even madder at me when I walk away from them while they’re talking and b)my door doesn’t have a lock, so they can open it and walk right back into the room and c) I don’t have any easily movable furniture to stack up against the door to keep them out again.
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(45),
I’m not a parent, but that particular How-To sounds like a bad idea to me.
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16 – I got kicked out of a Wal-Mart before. I was writing a paper about sweatshops and Wal-Mart was one of the stores that I was focusing on, so I went there. I took a bunch of pictures of things that said “MADE IN THE USA” on a sign, but then on the tag it said “Made in Bangladesh” or something like that. I also asked customers and workers what they thought about the sweatshops and if they knew about it, etc. After a little while some manager came by and asked me to leave.
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46- haha, that’s great, I should try that…
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39- Is there anything else that can be used besides gelatin? Because I am a vegatarian, and although it would not be eating it, still…
43-I LOVE THE SERIES SWALLOWS AND AMAZONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or at least I used to. I haven’t read them in forever. But I thought they were GREAT!!!!!!!! It is really hard to get them in the US, though.
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skipper i made you’re cookies and they were really good. i could live off those things! (well, probably not, one needs veggies, but if one didn’t… okok, i’m rambling)
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i have to try the cookies.
i have recently gone on a cookie making extraveganza. with lace, peanut butter chocklit chip, and oatmeal.
how to make an ultra useful cookie can
1)buy a reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaalllly BIG jar of coffee
2) dispose of coffee as quickley as possible
3)put cookies in can
also here is a very useful, true rule, that my grandfather has. cookies come in twos. (i’m trying to convince my mother that this appplies to those really big cookies too, but she isn’t buying it)
also- on shabbat (jewish sabbath) you really shoudn’t deney yourself joy, so you can have as many cookies as you want.
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I had a good hair day today, and I didn’t even hav to wash, flatiron, braid, or put it up or anything!
How to get cowlicks out of your hair relly fast: Take a spritzer, and soak the ends of your hair; mist the rest of it. Then run a brush through. W00t!
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(53) I love it when that happens. Somedays, you wake up an spend time on your and still ends up looking mediocre. But then there are those awesome days where you just roll out of bed, don’t even touch the brush, and it looks great.
(Ah, the science of hair.)
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okay pipples,
we need several How-Tos that need to be repeated and created:
how to get hpb stickers
how to put words in italics
how to put words in green
how to put words in typewriter style
and is there an official PWT PWNs sign yet? besides the liscence plate?
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How to Create a Great Empire/How to conquer the world!
Are you bored? Do you need somthing to do? Why not create a great empire? It’s an easy was to get into the history books, and if you are sucessfull you might just become rich!
First, lead your obedient tribe to some fertile land and create a surplus of food. Begin trading and GROWING RICH. Invade other towns, and name them all after you. Build a big wall, and an even bigger army. Proclaim yourself emperor, emperess, ruler, queen, king, supreme person, etc., over the whole land. This step is vital. Do not skip this step. I repeat, do NOT skip this step.
Encourage scholars, philosephers and pastry makers to stay. Order your slaves to build enormous monuments, dedicated to you, and depicting you, of course. Then buy fans and hire servants to fan you.
THE END!!!(good luck)
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I am now eating one of skipper’s chocklit cookies. They cannot be imporved upon. Go to the old thread and find the recipe NOW!!!!
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23- poetry is usually better if you really mean it. If you are a really happy, cheerful person and you try to write a poem about being depressed it might not express the emotions of depression that well. or it might.
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How to get out of an awkward situation:
1) Laugh.
2) Say “Well, that was awkward.”
3) Do a little dance (no, seriously, it works)
4) Ask some one how there day is going.
5) If it’s really bad, check you’re watch (or your wrist if you don’t have a watch) make up an excuse (“I’m late for bagpipe lessons” or “Oh, I told my friend I’d meet with him/her to help her/him with his/her Esperanto” and then leave quickly.
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how to take a city bus:
1.) walk to the bus stop
2.) wait for the bus
3.) when the bus comes, walk on it, and give them a bus pass/money, etc.
4.) when your stop comes, get off the bus
YAY!
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Yo.
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Hey.
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How to… umm… be bored?
sit there. for a long time.
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how to utterly annoy every teacher that assigns homework:
1. if ur interested in grades, then turn it in early EVERY TIME
2. memorize wot u rote.
3. doodle, scribble quotations, and just make ur answers illegible.
4. wen ur teacher asks wot u wrote, recite ur answers word for word.
lol. works everytime.
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19 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY:
20. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
19. Page yourself ovet the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
18. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
17. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it ‘in’.
16.Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once every one is over there caffeine addicttions, switch to espresso.
15. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for unmentionable favors”
14. Finish all your sentances with “in accordance with the prophecy”.
13.Dont use any punctuation
12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
11.Ask people what gender they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go”.
9. Sing along at the opera.
8. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
7. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
6. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
5.Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name.
4. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I won! I won!”
3. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”
2. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let you go.”
1. Send this to your teachers, principal, counseler, or print it out and tape a bunch of copies to the walls and lockers in skool. LOL!
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whoops. 20 ways. sry…
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I like it lilbro
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#65: *Giggles*
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65 – haha. I like it.
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If i ever say, “Well, that was awkward,” slit my throat, and then hang me for good measure. I don’t want to be the kind of person who says that. And this time doesn’t count. The dancing option does sound good though. Especially since i dance really badly. That would create another awkward situation, which is probably slightly less awkward than the previous situation. So one could just keep making decreasingly awkward situations until one was made that wasn’t awkward enough to be considered an awkward situation. Problem solved.
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66 – I liked how it waas more than you said. I thought it added insanity to the mix, in a strange way.
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How-To: Develop good taste in music.
Listen to what I tell you to. No, seriously. I’m not arrogant, I’m just cultured. Honestly, I know I can be pretty arrogant, but certain music is just insanely under-appreciated.
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Everyone has good taste in music. They’re just different tastes, and some people disagree with each other about each other’s good tastes.
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no but uh…. some music really is bad. like dance or hip-hop. As Stwie Griffin says: “That Mr. Cent wouldn’t know a decent rhyme if it danced naked in front of him”
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74…wearing Dobby’s tea cozy?
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75… no, that wouldn’t be naked.
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76- she didn’t say _where_ he’d be wearing Dobby’s tea cozy…
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72-I consider myself to be having good taste in music, but i don’t like any of the bands you mentioned on the music thread. Everybody’s taste is different. I’m not too fond of metal, myself.
How to…lessee…how about How To Fail Whilst Learning More Than Any Straight-A Student You Can Find
Spend all your time reading Muse, messing around on the comp, and reading history books.
I find that quite useful. Of course, i’m not learning more than any straight-a student you can find, because i’m also not failing. I do waste time on hw. Silly me. Ah well.
How to get terribly confuzzled
Listen to the POTC soundtrack while your lb is watching the movie behind you (aaaah, my brain just died)
How to Freak People Out (i’m good at this one..heh heh heh..)
-Ask them to hug Bob, your invisible friend
-Start randomly singing whatever song’s stuck in your head at the moment
-In the middle of a conversation, start randomly switching accents every time you speak
-Sing the badger song
-Sing the llama song
-When people ask a question, just answer 42 and when they look confused, say “oh sorry, i was on auto-reply”
-When people talk to you say “Ssh, i’m hunting wabbits”
-When people talk to you, answer with your usual away message
-Accidentally-on-purpose mix up everybody’s name when talking in a large crowd (ex: You: Hey Joe! Joe: hi You: No, sorry, i meant sarah. Sarah: What? who’s talking to me? You: Oh nothing, i was saying hi to Lizzy here. Lizzy: Oh hi. You: Not you, i meant david. Etc, etc)
-Stand in a crowded area and lip-sync to the songs on your ipod/mp3. Use lots of weird facial expressions and open your mouth really wide, but don’t actually sing. Make sure your headphones are quiet so nobody can actually hear the music. Dancing is good too. ipods and mp3s also make excellent fake microphones
-Name your pencils and cry when you lose them
-Be friends with inanimate objects
-Pie people
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72-I don’t personally like Hip-Hop, but some people do. Some music IS under appreciated, but that doesen’t mean everybody has to love your favorite kind of music. I’d be glad to try the music styles you like, but I can still love my music that I listen to.
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78- go inanimate objects! my favorite was the door to my old school sycologists office. I miss you Fred!
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also- my friends and i had this wedding for two stuffed monkies.we have pictures and everything
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78-79: I’m not trying to attack anyone, but often I get frustrated with how little people now about metal.
78: what do you mean, you don’t like a ny of the bands? you mean you went and listened to them? or you just don’t like the names?
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74 – Everyone’s tastes are different.
82 about 78 – Maybe she has heard them and she knows that she doesn’t like them.
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22: I know exactly what you mean about marching band sophmores….
In response to the breakfast gloop thing, I think honey is really good with yogurt. Another under-appreciated use for honey is on top of buttered bread or toast.
How to Read Great Expectations (or another boring book your English teacher tells you to read):
-Read sparknotes instead.
-Wait untill late at night to finish reading the amount assigned. Stare at the page untill you fall asleep. Wake up in the morning and ask your friends what happened.
-Eat large quantities of chocolate and everytime you get bored eat more chocolate until you are so hyper you can’t concentrate!!!!!
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82) All metal makes me feel sick inside. It is not each band that has its different way of making me feel sick, it is just the whole dangitall thing.
Same for others, too.
I hate it.
*killify*
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