*Round-Robin ‘Riting, a MuseBlog tradition in which MBers take turns writing a story.
Continued from Part 2 (the one about the afareet). The story before that was summarized on the RRR 2006.1.3 Reference Text.
Patience, Please
This site is under reconstruction and will look strange for a while. We regret the inconvenience.
FIRST POST!!!!!
there once was a kid who had a pet pony named leo, leo was a girl and leo liked cat food
help me add on to this story!!!
One day, the kid accidentally gave Leo dog food. Leo vomited. Leo hated the dog food so much that she kicked out of her stall and ran into the woods, while the kid ran after her.
1,2: Sorry, you can’t start another story. There is already a story going on that people have been working on for months, ☹. To read the story, click on the link in the thread explanation for the Reference Text.
Oh darn.
wah
wignut thanks you made it so good (till somebody killed it)
This RRR only got to 148 comments before it got a sequel!
RRR v.2006.6 has gone 30 posts past that! *stops self from part-2-demanding rant through sheer effort of will*
Oh man, I wish I had started on this thread when I could. I read the whole thing so far. It’s great.
Well, the original RRR is better. So there.
8- *is unable to speak for flabbergasted outrage*
8 – Ahem? It’s a matter of opinion, I believe. I seem to recall that you posted on it. And that you didn’t hate it. So there.
i dont get it
8- I hold these truths to be self-evident, that ALL THREADS ARE CREATED EQUAL, and have certain unalienable rights, foremost among which are posts, liberty, and the PURSUIT OF THE MAIN PAGE.
11 – Read the other stuff, and you’ll get it. But I tell you, it takes a while.
Rrrrrr…………………………………………………
*worships OEADs* ♥ ♥
6 (PC)- 2006.6 is more active, though. 06.1 needed to be revived because nobody except the die-hard regs were even looking at it any more, much less writing for it.
7 (THF)- Why can’t you? If you’ve read the story, and you get it (or could have it explained to you), and you want to write for it, we’d welcome your input.
15- Oh. I understand. I suppose ‘06.6 can fend for itself a little longer.
15 – It just doesn’t seem right to me…. just coming in and not having said anything about it. I feel more like a reader of the story than a writer at this point.
How about starting the actual story writing? I want to read it!
When I went to the cafe with Penty, we were chatting about maybe next year doing the afareet story for a NaNo. It would be awesome, and it’s certainly long enough. We need a title, though. We can’t just keep calling it “the one about the afareet” or “the afareet story”.
18 – I think the story should be finished before titled. You get the best feel for a story once you know everything about it. Also, there’s a rule in NaNo that says no group novels.
19- Poup. Ah well. When we’re done, we can send it to a publisher I know.
20 – That’d be interesting. Send my NaNo story too.
It is definently as long as a novel. You had better give it a name, because I’m going to read it for credit at school and it must have a name. I haven’t read it yet, but why not just call it “The Afareet”?
I agree with capricious. Calling it just, “The Afareet” would work fine.
I do want to be involved with the RRR threads and the 2006.6 one is even requested by me. but I just can’t seem too. Anyone want to attempt to explain this one to me or point me to something that will? I have vague memories of reading the very begining of it but I feel silly asking and not knowing what an Afareet is etc.
we should publish it!!!
24 – It’s a lot easier to just go onto the old one… :
https://musefanpage.com/blog/?p=528
Hee hee…. you know you suggested it, and you know you want to….
Just read everything and you’ll get it. Reference text then the other thread. That’s all there is to it.
when are we actually going to start writing?
Have any of the previous RRRs been finished, or are they just “to be continued” and/or have fizzled out?
15 (THF)- You did say something about it, though. You asked very nicely, and we want your help. Pwe–er, Pwt! Yeah, Pwt!
28 (PC)- None have been finished, although RRR FF had reached a climaxy-thing.
Meh, I don’t really like The Afareet as a title, but that could just be me. I can’t think of anything better.
On publication: I’m fine with trying to get this thing published (it would look great on college apps), but it would require a lot of work. We’d have to seriously think about the story, and then systematically work through fixing things and changing stuff. I’ve done my homework on this stuff, since I am serious about it, and getting published is really, really hard. We want to do it honestly: no getting you parents to publish for us. We definitely don’t want to become the New Paolinis, which means we actually have to have a good, well-written story if we want to even attempt publication. Me mum’s an editor; when we finish, I could ask her to look it over and seh-jesst stuff.
Right now, I think we’re at about 30-40k and not even to the climax yet. (I don’t have the document to check with me, since I’m at school.)
We’ll start writing when somebody has an idea. I’ll email the updated reference text to the OEADs soon, once I get all the new material from .3 in.
Go, RRRiters!
I think Afareet would be a good title, but that’s just me. It seems this story has the potential to get a lot longer, possibly a series.
I drew a rough map, but the Gapa’s haven’t got it up…yet.
I’ve also been working on a much longer definition of the afareet, which is exceeding 5 written pages.
In the beginning of the story, several times Leah and Adela are referred to as “friends”. How close friends are they? And if they are close, why haven’t they admitted to their powers?
29 – I kind of agree with you about the title, although I really shouldn’t get input, because I haven’t written anything yet. (notice I said yet, which means that there is a possibility of me sticking through it and just writing a bit) I think that it isn’t actually about the afareet, it’s about their adventures, and I really think that once the ending comes, it should be named, not before. Like I said, you get a much better feel for the book once it’s about done. And for some reason, I just don’t like it much. The Afareet sounds just a tad too boring. Not that I’m against simple titles, but you know….
Not that I have any input. I’m not the writer, the editor, the publisher, the consultant, the keeper, nothing. Just a reader. Maybe.
27 – Good question. Why don’t you start? Next post you write, add to the actual story.
Will someone do a recap of where we left off? I think that Ruby is searching for Ehmer and the Ice Fortress, and Feng has just explained to Archell that Amarok is Nestea’s cousin.
(Whoa. That sounded like one of those soap-opera summaries you find in TV guides.) Anyway, correct me if I’m wrong.
29- I know a publisher, I met him at an airport. Does he count towards being New Paolinis?
Well, right now were focusing on editing the beginning and working out all the icky spots before we go on. Oh, and that was Akkavish who explained. She does a lot of explaining. And everybody at the sandstone fortress is going to the thunder fortress to throw of the Powers and set up a mission to rescue Ruby/Ehmer/Nanook/Nestea. It would be better if we did some stabalization and planning before we go on.
Oops. I meant Feng, not Nanook. Nanook is still there.
Yes! I ♥ the afareet. I liked it, but it was ignored that time we had like 5 RRRs open at once, and I can’t write. I’ll gladly read it and comment, though. Ehmer had just met Rex, I think. Ruby had let down her shield around him. Maybe we should switch the focus to another character now? I haven’t read it in months, though.
AH! I’ll be your artistic director! I’ll do the cover and the illustrations and stuff.
Since none of you guys are writing, I will start the story.
*ahem*
There was a beautiful princess who liked to walk through the fields beyond the palace. She had gone the same way every day.
She would always turn left on the fork in the road. She felt that she must be free. Everyone told her not to go right and said that a cyclops lived there. She turned, and ignoring thier warnings, went right.
39- Sorry to break your bubble, but there’s already a story-in-progress that this thread is a continuation of. It’s about the afareet; If you want to start a new story, request a new thread.
39- I’m afraid that there already is a story in progress on this thread. I would invite you to version 06.6, but you have been banned due to a nonsensical continuation.
((I’ll continue from where we left off.))
Ehmer didn’t answer at first. He had never been inclined to trust people at first glance, and someone he had just met in a prison cell where he had been forcibly transported in a bubble was not at the top of his “trustworthy” list by any means.
He smiled humorlessly. “Now, would I be inclined to tell you that?”
The smile on Rex’s face disappeared. “Believe me, if I had wanted to hurt you, you wouldn’t be standing here right now.”
Ehmer blinked, and a snarling lion was leaping at him from where Rex had been sitting. He yelled something impolite and toppled against the wall.
If you turn it into a series, you could call it The Aebvorana Chronicles, or something like that. The first book (the one we’re working on) could be called “The Sandstone Fortress,” because that seems to be where most of the action takes place.
Okey dokey.
“You were saying?”, Rex continued, perfectly composed.
Ehmer paused his stream of curses long enough to decide whether or not to trust Rex with his name, and whether or not failure to do so would result in further injury.
Nononono. Moving to fast. Need plans. Argh. At least the posts were coherent and logical though. Ehmer has the possibility to be much more powerful that Rex is, but is much more experienced.
But if Rex is a sorceror, he doesn’t have a second form; only Afareet have those. Because he is a sorceror, his power is more focused, but he can’t shapeshift, unless of course, his talent is shapeshifting. Which it isn’t. He could however, create an illusion of a lion.
46- Sorcerer.
I agree with Anata: we’re moving too fast. And we could use another Ruby/people on ground POV before moving back to Ehmer, I think.
How long do all of you want to make this story? With the pace we’re moving at now, I estimate it’d end up somewhere between 50-100k.
I did intend that the lion would be an illusion, and even though Ehmer is more powerful, Rex doesn’t know that, right? And I think that Rex was described as being slightly arrogant. Of course, if I’m mistaken, zap my continuation. I just wanted to get this story moving, because the thread really wasn’t doing much
((38 – What? I think it would be much better to have a nice group effort in all that. Hmph.
You know what, this story is going so well, I think I might just add something….
How am I supposed to pronounce Nestea? I’ve been saying Ness-tay-ah, but maybe it’s like the disgusting iced tea, Ness-tee. Or maybe I’m just completely confused. Or both. Or all three.
Gah! I can’t think of how to add well to a story like this! Ah, nevermind, I’ll write something later. Maybe.))
It’s Nes-tee-a. Or that’s at least how I pronounce it. It means eagle in Cherokee.
I’d like to do a Nanook POV if that’s okay. He will do a lot of explaining to Archell, which will clear things up.
Feel free to alter my writing to fit the way it should be.
I still like the idea of me being an artistic director.
Arrgh. I just lost a page of writing. Remember, Kiki, if we going to make this a good story, we have to take time. A lot of time, if it is necessary. We owe it to ourselves.
K.
54 – I do too. But I want to do some art!! *sticks tongue out and folds arms and turns around*
51 – Okay. Thank you.
Ideanesse!
How do y’all like the idea of a Museblog Writers website? It wouldn’t be anything fancy, just through proboards or something, but we’d have a larger place to plan and discuss this and other RRRs, as well as post individual writing. Sound interesting?
58- yes that sounds cool! then maybe someone could explain this RRR in more detail and i could write in it. We should have sections for poetry!
58- ZOMGY!! That is shweet!! Who should start it up?
Okay, so I finally finished reading and stuck all the newish bits I’d missed before into my copy of the story.
oooh, I’ll make a proboards one! Though, we can’t technicly give the site address. It’s one of those no-links/contact rules. Hmmm….
Wait, so are we going to use posts 42+45, or are we going to edit them into somthing else?
61 (Jadestone)- I think we’re going to edit them somehow and stick them in later.
Actually, I just created a board (like, right now) that I thought we could use. But if you want to make one too, that’s fine. I’m going to need lots of help modding and such since I’ve got so much other stuff as well.
By the way, if this makes the OEADs feel any better, I think I can modify the board so that member emails are not displayed.To anyone.
62- Is it through proboards? Because then you can definatly have emails not displayed. Hmmm… you could also make it so no one but members can view it, too. But I still don’t know if we’ll be able to post a link to it.
I’m reluctant to raise this possibility, but… Is a Proboards board something a GAPA could establish and run without too much extra effort?
Oh, it doesn’t take much effort besides setting it up. That takes some time… but you don’t have to do to much after setting it up, besides checking everything and being a moderator. The website is just what you’d think, I won’t post a link but I’ll put the website in brackets in case they don’t want me to post it so people can see.
You can go there and see what it’s like for yourself.
Yeah, it’s through proboards. And the boards don’t take much effort to set up, no. You can drop in from the sky occasionally and moderate, without taking too much out of your busy Museblog moderating schedule. The site I made is enclosed in these shiny square brackets. Feel free to censor it at your will. [snip!]
What’s proboards? Is it another forum? Would this be open to all MBers, everyone who’s posted on a Writing/RRR/Poems&Songs/NaNoWriMo thread, or true writers?
I don’t know for sure, but I guess it would be a place for all musers to post thir stories/poems/other and read things by other people, with a section for RRRs and other stuff.
Yeah, a general Muser writing hangout/RRR planning spot was what I was thinking. I’m mostly done with setup and such now, and all that’s missing are the members. I’m not saying anything about external sites where I might be shoving the link, not at all.
A Muse Writing website. Gonick help us all.
Amen.
I’m gonna do the COVER!! Moohaha.
71 – Who decided that? I want to help you! That would be awesome. The biggest honor. Well, you should at least talk to everyone about what it should look like ‘n’at.
72- I don’t even know what the story is about..
I could just draw all of the characters standing around the Sandstone Fortress.
Do we really want to publish this? I’m fairly certain that it’ll be difficult to get this even looked at by an editor because it was posted in length on a public forum. Can’t we just write it for fun?
whoah, i came to this blog looking for a good story to add on to, and all i found was several semi-related arguments and a few short fragments of story. COME ON, PEOPLE! FOCUS!!!!!!!!!
75 – there’s no rush. it’s not like we have a deadline or anything.
“That’s true, that’s true.” -Kipp
OK, go on about random stuff, then.
Pwt pwns
Sooooo… 42 and 45? Are they out? Because I havn’t written anything yet as I’m confused on weither someone is going to re-write them or if we’re going to not use them at all.
Also, I think Stella and Issy need to be edited. Can we make them spies for the powers or somthing?
I’ve got a great slogan for the RRR.
BEWARE OF THE MARY-SUES!!!!!!
(78)Yes, yes, that would be wonderful. Hazel and Zelda hardly get any mention, so we could always kill them. (Not literally. I mean edit them out of the story.) We are terribly short on bad guys, too.
I have a rant, so her it goes. ahem…
I know over-description is a bad thing, but I have absolutely no idea what Archell and Ehmer look like! And Adela and Leah are pretty sketchy as well. We know that Leah has short red hair, is pale, thin, and slight. Adela has mouse brown hair and is small, and that is about all we know about her. Samilla, who is a very random character in the first place, is also devoid of describtion. And we can’t make them all short and pale, guys.
Feel free to retaliate.
Personally, I find Salimila to be a fairly pointless character. No, characters aren’t born out of necessity, despite what Mr. Paolini says, but she serves no apparent purpose other than annoying Ehmer and the readers.
Since I created Adela, I have some idea of what she looks like. She’s a bit under five feet and of average weight for her height, has skin I’d best describe as ‘sand’ or ‘light olive,’ fairly long brown hair (think mid-back), and dull grey eyes of average size and shape. Her chin is pointed and her nose small and snub. It’s impossible to determine her ethnicity by looking at her, although most people would guess some form of southern European. Overall, she looks about average, neither pretty nor ugly. Feel free to work those in as you please.
Well, I have finally finished this.
I know it’s not a great piece of writing. It is not meant to be; its purpose is to inform. Many of the information here is based on my interpretation of Aebvoraena and subject to change.
So, without further ado, here is A Guide to the Species of Aebvoraena. Names in bold brackets are subject to change.
Afareet (Sing. Form: Afreet)
An afareet is a magical creature with a variety of abilities.
Probably the most distinguishing feature of afareet is their ability to take on a second shape. This shape can be the same size or larger than the original animal. The animal an afreet changes into usually has something to do with the afreet’s element. (For example, wind afareet change into birds, while ice afareet forms live near the Arctic.)
This animal need not be living in our world, as some chaos afareet take on the forms of dinosaurs, and even dragons.
Theoretically, the discovery of this form can happen at any time, but it usually occurs during the teen years. Discovery is triggered by a stressful situation, such as an overextension of magic or a near-death experience. This causes the afreet to go into a coma while his or her mind enters “the other place”, as afreet call it. In the other place, the afreet is in his or her second form, and must used that forms abilities to get out. After an afreet gets out, he or she possesses the full ability to change, but cannot use elemental powers unless he or she is able to affect one. Even after a change is achieved, the afreet experiences a severe weakening of their elemental powers. To have full access to both of their abilities, an afreet’s animal form is tattooed on his or her body, usually on the back, with an anathame, or magical knife. This ceremony used to only be preformed by Makers, but do to the sever lack of them, the procedure was taught to some very powerful afareet.
Unfortunately, some afareet, mainly chaos afreet, become to caught up in the other place. They can sometimes be saved by healers, otherwise they enter a perpetual coma which afareet refer to as “Oblivion” or “living death”.
Because afareet are essentially animal and human, the cannot stay in either form for an extended period of time (more than a couple decades). An afreet who goes through this experiences a great loss of power an increasingly frequent periods of madness. If this condition persists for a long time, it may take the results of several healers to cure it.
As mentioned before, afareet are organized into nine types based on their elemental powers. They are: sand, wind, fire, water, ice, thunder, light, darkness, and chaos. Intermarriage is not uncommon, but hybrids are rare, and a mix of two elements always produces a chaos afreet.
Unlike most other afreet abilities, elemental powers are present at birth, although they are not evident until about eight. Control, however, can only be achieved through years of training and experience. Young afareet can easily exhaust themselves performing even the most simple acts of magic because they do not have enough control to let loose only the amount of power needed.
Sand afareet are some of the rarest types of afareet, due to the Power’s selective slaughtering of sand and wind afareet (even those within the Force) soon after the formation of the MUUAP. (The exact reason for this is not known, but it was probably due to the line in the prophesy they shall come from sand… Wind afareet suffered as well because they are closely related to sand afareet.) As a result, sand and wind afareet do not live as long as they used to, and their “genes” tend to be “recessive”. Sand afareets’ main powers are to create and manipulate sand, though some very strong and experienced can control heat waves to create mirages. All sand afareet are are resistant to intense solar heat and dehydration, which help them deal with the conditions of their native country, [Katreh/sand country]. They are susceptible to intense humidity, and usually cannot swim very well. Sand afareet are typically tan skinned, with bleached-blond or black hair and eye colors ranging from deep copper-gold to pale amber. Their second shapes usually frequent in dry places (camels, harrier hawks, etc.) or are native to [Katreh/sand country] (sand lynxes).
Wind afareet, like sand afareet, suffered at the hand of the Powers during the second millennium, B.C.(E.). They did not master as quick as a recovery, however, due to the fact that they wander around a lot, and therefore do not reproduce as fast. The population took another beating during the destruction of the Wind Fortress, and has not recovered since. Most wind afareet can manipulate weather by changing the wind. There is , however, a strain of wind afareet who now reside in China that cannot do this; instead they are healers, or afareet that can use their powers to fix wounds (mental as well as physical in some cases). Almost all wind afareet suffer from claustrophobia, and are significantly weakened in close quarters. Likewise, they can wreak havoc in open spaces. Wind afareet are native to northern [Katreh/sand country] and southern [thunder country], though they are so scattered now that they do not really call anyplace home. They are typically east Asian or Indian looking, with black hair and dark grey eyes. Their second forms are almost always birds.
Fire afareet have long since recovered from the destruction of their Fortress, the first to be destroyed as a result of the conflict between the MUUAP and the Powers. Fire afareet are unique in the respect that they have almost no “auxiliary powers”, or powers other than direct manipulation and creation of a said element. They cannot effect the weather or created illusions, and there has never been a fire afareet healer. Their sole powers are creating, manipulating, and resisting fire. Fire afareet are also resistant to extreme heat, but they do have their limits. Anything above 6000 degrees Kelvin (the surface temperature of the sun) can be fatal to them. They are native to the volcanic mountains that form the border between eastern [Katreh/sand country] and western [Consket/jungle country]. Fire afareet look Japanese, Korean, or southeast Asian, with black (or occasionally, red) hair and dark or crimson eyes. They are related to wind afareet, but their powers are so radically different that they were able to escape persecution. The second forms of fire afareet vary extensively. Red foxes are plentiful, though mythical creatures traditionally associated with fire (six-legged salamanders, phoenixes, etc.) are also common. Dragons are extremely rare, but not unheard of.
Water afareet on the other hand, have a wide range of auxiliary powers. They can control weather or be healers, and are often talented in prepared magic (magic that requires runes, pentacles, etc.”). Water manipulation, of course, is the main power of water afareet. In fact, the can do almost anything with water. (Most Fortresses and bases make sure they have at least one water afreet in residence, incase they run low on fresh water. Water afareet learn to swim as soon as they can walk, and, though they cannot breath underwater, can hold their breath for longer than humans and other afareet. they are sensitive to heat, and dehydrate easily. The physical appearance of water afareet vary, depending on which of the islands off the southeast cost of [ice country] and the east cost of [Katreh/sand country], but their features are probably closest to those of the native inhabitants of Australia and Oceania. Water afareet typically have black hair and eyes in various shades of blue. Their second forms encompass all creatures that live in or around water and islands.
Ice afareet are probably the most common type of afreet. All ice afareet can create and manipulate ice with varying degrees of power and finasse, as well as decrease temperature. Most can control cold weather (snow, sleet, hail, etc.), and some are can clot blood and numb wounds; a few are healers. All are resistant to cold temperatures, but, like fire afareet, they do have their limits. Ice afareet are extremely sensitive to heat, even more so the water afareet, and avoid it whenever possible. Their native country, [ice country], is huge, and they range all across it, as well as residing on the Island of [ice island], who’s southern reaches they share with a few water afareet. Ice afareet are unique, as they are the only type of afareet that can be divided into to distinct “races”. The first is medium skinned, with dark hair and eyes, while the second is extremely pale, with platinum blond hair and pale blue or gray eyes. (Note: These different “races” seem to parallel Northern Native Americans and Scandinavians. It is entirely possible that this was deliberate, since the Makers designed Aebvoraena after earth.) Second forms of ice afareet, as mentioned before, are animals that live near the poles, as well as other cold regions.
Thunder afareet are the oldest type of afreet. Though their fortress still stands, the harsh conditions of their native country, [thunder country], have kept their numbers down. They are perhaps more aptly named “lightning afareet”, due to the fact that their powers are based on electricity. A great number of thunder afareet are also weather controllers. Their powers are weakened through exposure to rubber, wood, and other insulators. Thunder afareet share the most feature with Africans; they typically have dark skin and hair, with dark brown, electric blue, or bright gold eyes. The second forms of thunder afareet are often indigenous to mountainous areas (bighorn sheep, snow leopards, etc.), though a good number are native to Africa (cheetahs, antelope, etc.).
Light afareet are native to the heavily forested areas in southern [ice country], though many fled to [prairie country] after the destruction of the Light Fortress. Their general powers are manipulating light, meaning blinding flashed of light, laser beams, balls of illumination, etc. A rare few are illusionists, and some are healers. Light afareet have very bad night vision and are weakened in the dark. In appearance, they are closest to western Europeans, with light (but not uber-pale), skin; blond or brown hair; and blue, green, brown, or hazel eyes. Their second forms are diurnal (active during the day), which means they have a great variety of forms, but birds of prey are common.
Dark afareet first sprung up in [Consket/jungle country] and (surprisingly) western [Katreh/sand country]. This suggests that they existed before the chain of volcanoes that separate the two countries formed. This would make them the second oldest type of afreet. As their name suggests, dark afareet powers are based on darkness. This includes manipulating “solid darkness”, seeing well in the dark, and becoming invisible at night. Their weakness is intense light, which many be why most of the dark fortress lies beneath the jungles of [Consket/jungle country]. Dark afareet share features with people from many different countries, including Greece, Turkey, and Israel, as well as most of south and central america. They usually have black or ash brown hair, bronze or olive skin, and dark brown, deep blue, or dark violet eyes. Like light afareet, their second forms cover a wide range of animals, all of which are nocturnal.
Chaos afareet are perhaps the most mysterious and powerful afareet. Their powers can be anything, though they usually focus on a set of abilities or a hybridization of two elements. Regardless of their powers, however, chaos powers are highly unpredictable and hard to control. This is the main reason most chaos afareet die young, go crazy, or become completely evil. Chaos afareet can turn up anywhere, and disappeare just as quickly, though they are sometimes the result of a marriage between two different types of afareet. (Not to say that intermarriage is discouraged. Only about one in a hundred such situations result in a chaos afreet.) Their looks also vary, depending their genes, but their eyes have often been described as having a slight crimson glow. Unlike most afareet, chaos afareet do not experience any loss of power after passing the test of the Other Place. Probably just as well, since they may take millennia to master enough control to effect a voluntary change. One of the few things all chaos afareet have in common is their animal forms, which are always reptilian. Dragons, surprisingly, are quite common.
All afareet have long lives and age much slower than humans. When they are born, afareet age at the same rate as humans, but their aging immediately slows down when they discover their animal forms. Sand and wind afareet age at a rate of 30-50 years. Ice, fire, water, and thunder afareet are longer lived, aging at a rate of 60-80 years. With an aging rate of 90-150 years, dark and light afareet usually live the longest. Chaos afareet can age at a variety of different rates, depending on what type of afreet their parent are.
Limited telepathy is another trait all afareet share. This allows them to “talk” through their thoughts, which helps communicate in animal form, as well as preventing eavesdropping.
Many afareet have a striking apititude for language. They are not able to learn languages instantly, but they pick up foreign tongues much faster than is humanely possible. Combine that with a long life span, and it’s not surprising that most afareet are fluent in several languages.
Djinn
Djinn are the oldest “intelligent” race in Aebvoraena. Little is known about them, due to the fact that they are almost extinct and tend to keep to themselves. However, their abilities are known to be similar to sorcerers’, magnified to a much greater level.
Dragons
Dragons appeared in Aebvoraena at approximately the same time as afareet. On average, they live about 800-1200 years.
For a couple of reasons, dragons are rare today. Like most large carnivores, they are fiercely territorial and need large amounts of land to thrive. Early in the war, dragons often got shot down (by both sides) because they were mistaken for uber-powerful afareet.
The ability to breath (or rather spit) fire is not natural for dragons. Instead, they must eat certain metals which react with their stomach acids as they are digested. Different metals produce different flames. (For example, platinum produces a hot, white flame.)
Dragons come in a variety of colors, depending on their habitat.
The dragons of Northern [ice country] are pale silver, white, or occasionally pale blue, which disguises them against they washed-out sky as they swoop down on the unwary musk oxen.
Dragons living in [Katreh/sand country] are tan or beige to blend in with the sand. They are noticeably smaller than other dragons due to the lack of large amount of prey. Wild pigs are their favorite meal, though they will eat almost anything, including cacti, during hard times.
[Prairie country] dragons are very similar to the ones living in [Katreh/sand country] in terms of coloration. They prey on the large herds of hoofed mammals that rome throughout the country.
The dragons indigenous to the chain of volcanic mountains that form the border between [Katreh/sand country] and [Consket/Jungle country] are black, dark red, or a mix of the two. Though they live near the lava flows, they hunt in the sparse forests lower down the west faces of the mountains. Like the dragons of [Katreh/sand country] they are small in size due to the small amounts of large prey available.
Dragons native to [thunder country] are various shades of grey. They live in caves, which shelter them from the frequent storms, and pray on the deer and goats which frequent on the mountains.
[Consket/Jungle country] and southern [ice country] do not support any large populations of native dragons, probably because dense forest and jungle are too cramped.
Note: Afareet who have the second forms of dragons often are normally impractical colors (like gold).
Part-Afareet
Humans with afareet blood have no official name, though they are sometimes referred to as “magi” or “magicians”. They have much of the same powers afareet do. However, they cannot assume a second shape, and do not usually live any longer than normal humans. This is balanced out by stronger and more focused elemental powers.
Sand Lynxes
Carnivorous cats native to [Katreh/sand country]. They are very similar to their evergreen forest cousins in terms of size and shape, but their fur is a sandy color, and they have a second set of clear eyelids to keep out the sand.
Sorcerers
Sorcerers are the second “intelligent” race to appear in Aebvoraena, after djinn, but before afareet.
Unlike afareet, their powers are based on abilities, like telekinesis or illusions, instead of elements. They cannot shape-shift, unless, of course it is their talent, but they can communicate through their thoughts and learn languages quickly. They start aging at rate of 60 years immediately when they reach thirteen.
Because their race is fairly old, sorcerers are spread out quite evenly. The only exception is [Consket/Jungle country], where they are concentrated, especially around the city of gold, their stronghold before it was destroyed.
Note: The term “sorcerer” is used for females as well as males.
Suggestions for change are welcome.
Looks good, Anata. I might add something, when I can think of it. Besides that we need names for the countries. Hmm…I should make us a map.
I made a rough map, but the GAPA’s aren’t uploading it. *gives them puppy eyes*
I promise I won’t say the p-word…
Map? When did you send it? We haven’t received anything in e-mail lately,
I sent it in december to gapa@musefanpage.com.
I love the guide. Maybe someone could base a role-playing game on this…
*is (maybe, I don’t know how you ‘riters react to suggestions like that) pied*
We’ve got to continue this. The thread has already gone off the main page, and we only got about a paragraph that was deleted anyway. I didn’t get on this thread till Part 3- I feel out of my league. Please do something, this story is too good to waste!
Come on, I can help, as soon as someone posts a continuation to give me a sense of where we are!
We are trying to work out the ideas here. We can’t let it spiral into chaos like the old story. We’d love your help in re-writing some old scenes, though.
((My first continuation, but modified.))
Ehmer didn’t answer at first. He had never been very trusting, and he thought that this “Rex” person could easily be a spy of some sort, planted in his cell to make him give up information. Not that he knew very much. Nobody had actually told him anything useful, except prattling on about these mystic Maker-thingys, sorcerers, and generally stuff that would have made for a bad fairy tale.
Ooh, I remember this!!! I found it a couple versions ago on a visit these threads thread with the beginning posted. No time to read anything, but I wanted to post here to show that I care and beg for a new part to read in my nonexistent free time.
Sorry. My last post was under the assumption that we were at a different place in the story. Ignore it.
If I remember right, Titan is not exactly like earth, but it is the only moon to have an atmosphere. A very thick atmosphere. I think probes were sent there, but it just turned out to be rocky and lifeless.
Oops. That post was ment to go on the Sci-fi thread…
Well, first things first. Does anybody have ideas for naming the countries?
Thunder country= Crachrumbr
Ice country= Firigid
Prairie country= Whiuuhl
The prairie country sound good. But change a few letters in the ice and thunder country, they turn into ‘frigid’ and ‘crackrumble’. Maybe something a bit less english sounding.
Ice country= Skrikah
Thunder country= Burhlel
Chin-san has an idea for getting the map to the GAPA’s. They will e-mail her, and she will send them a reply with the map attached…
She is feeling like talking in first-person now…
Your names are great, but I need Pheonix’s and Penty’s approval, and they seem to have died. *pokes them*
So long as we don’t have fifty paragraphs of pointless exposition on the names and natures of these (rather extraneous) countries, I’m up for it.
The placement names of the countries basically say a lot about them. It would be nice to get some other people’s suggestions.
I see Katreh closer in climate to Arizona than the Sahara.
Is this thread dead or are people still here?
I check once in a while, but yes, mostly, this thread is dead. I need to work on the country descriptions…
I’m going to write something, but right now my time is consumed with schoolwork and editing, which is my first priority on this baby.
Yeah, the thread is mostly dead, though. While we wait, we world-build. (Actually, Chin-san world-builds and I putter around aimlessly, but whatever.)
Okay. Most RRRs end up like this, eventually, I suppose.
I would write on this, but I haven’t been here from the start and it’s a really long story, so I won’t.
Oh, well. I’ll go write on a nearly abandoned thread that I have been on for a long time.
Ew. I just saw my last post. How presumptuous of me. Sorry. It’s just that my mission is to leave no RRR unfinished. That ought to go for only the ones that I work on, though.
Sorry for seeming (or being) rude.
I feel out of my league on this RRR, but I posted before. How bad can it be?
*knock on wood*
Will somebody who actually knows what’s going on post so that other newbies and I have something to continue off of?
110- It looks like 42, 45, and 91 are the only story-content posts.
I wrote 45, and it’s my first RRR contribution, and I really don’t think it fits right, but I can never judge my own writing.
You wrote 42 and 91. I don’t have any idea where this is going. I haven’t visited here in a long time. Someone else write something. Please.
Could I join?
I’m asking politely, as opposed to my horribly rude post earlier. And as apparently this thread is pretty much no story at all, perhaps I have a chance. *is hopeful, even though she really doesn’t need another writing project*
Your welcome to come, Alice, but right now all we’re doing prettty much is planning. Read the Guide if you have any questions.
It would be nice if Penty could get her revised version to the GaPA’s *poke*
Does anybody Know where Pheonix went? She seemed to have died in November. I felt really bad writing the
Thanks! I’m reading the Reference Text right now.
sorry, evil keyboard
Guide’s section on Dragons without the consultation of our dragon expert.
I’d like to join too! I’ll plan with you guys! (this is the one about the afareet, right?) I’ve read the one thread where the story from part 1 and part 2 is and I’m going to read the part 3 thread.
This is insane. It’ll be a few days before I post, since I just discovered that the Reference Text has only a tiny portion of the story on it.
Maybe I should just stick with the ones I’m already on.
Could someone who knows what’s going on give me a summary? I read the entire Reference Text and I’m hooked, plus I like to revive RRRs, but it’s a very looooooooooooooooong story.
If it’s too much bother I’ll either read the rest of it, or I’ll give up, and wait for you to finish and publish it.
Ah, I have neglected this thread something dreadfull.
I have also been dreadfully neglecting the compilation I was making. Oh dear, now I’m going to guilt myself into adding it all, arn’t I…
Oh. Never mind. I am caught up in the compiling. I guess I finished and forgot about it… Nothing from this thread on there, though. We havn’t actually written here, have we?
According to Dodecahedron, there are three posts with story in them on this thread. 42,45, and 91.
Since you’re on this thread, Jadestone, could you please give me a summary? I’m totally confused. What happened after they got to the sandstone fortress and Ruby did her disglamour or whatever it was? That’s about as far as I got before it got too hard to understand.
122- Ahh… erm.. weeeell.. *mumbles random excuses for not remembering, then remembers she didn’t know either just kept putting it in a word document*
Actually, which disglamor? There was one where she was showing everyone how to do one, then Adela started bleeding, and one where she tried to save Ehmer and lost control.
The one where she turned herself invisible. When she was showing them how to do one. “I am nothingness and void. I am nothingness and void.” That one.
Not exactly invisible, but unnoticeable. Ruby did it for the first time here:
https://musefanpage.com/blog/?p=202#comment-115
She taught others how to do it at
https://musefanpage.com/blog/?p=400#comment-50
I mean the first one. Let’s just say I read till the end of the Reference Text, and then I didn’t understand the story.
I read some of the reference text. It’s a pretty decent story.
It is definitely, but I can’t help ’cause I’m so late in coming. You guys have to finish it and publish so that I can read it!
Okay, so the characters are, Adella, Leah, Ruby, Archell, and Ehmer.
And the characters in this (https://musefanpage.com/blog/?p=79) are Veronica, Lana, Leah, and Adella.
Was this on purpose?
*rushes off to read the beginning of this RRR*
Oh! I get it! That was this one, before it got organized and people changed it.
Okay, so there hasn’t been a story-post since………..January 19th?
I’m still waiting for a summary. Jadestone has promised to give me one after finals, so I can wait. I could also read the whole thing, but I’m not that desperate.
Or am I?
I’m not. *sits down quickly and demurely folds hands on lap* Far, far, too confusing, due to the fact that the story has been ALL OVER THE PLACE!
It’s shocking. It started on the very first RRR, was revived on another thread, then came 2006.1, and went on and on and on.
Oh, NO! I get it! *sob* When Penty posted the story so far, it probably got cut off, and then when a GAPA moved it to the Reference Text, it was only partial. Oh woe is me if I am correct!
Okay, I sped-read this whole thread looking for the rest of the story and have decided that all the story-posts a) have been ignored by general consensus, and b) are completely irrelevant since Ehmer already told Rex his name.
So! I read the whole story. It’s good, but confusing. Count me as a lurker, that is, someone who wants to write but feels uncomfortable doing so and desires company. (hint hint.)
Never mind, Jadestone, no summary necessary.
Come back, people!
One question. Is Adela Feng’s niece, or Archell? Why is Archell such a minor character? Who has what powers? Where is everyone?
Okay, that’s more than one question . . .
Adela could be considered Feng’s great great great great great great etc. grandfather. I think there’s a better explanation on his profile in the last thread. Or maybe not. *rushes off to do character profiles*
Okay. But then why do Archell and Feng have the same power? (is that the right phrasing? Probably not.)
135-
Oh good that means I can post here again without feeling guiltyOh, too bad, that.I still say we make Issy and Stella spies for the powers. They’re complete Mary Sues at the moment.
Now that I know what a Mary Sue, is, I suppose they kind of are. I’ve always been a bit confused by them being here at all. When I read the reference text I didn’t see why they even were. And what happened to Shanis? And who is the werecat? I read the whole story, but that doesn’t mean I understand it very well.
“The Wearcat” *cringes* was supposed to be Akhmet. His role is going to be gone over BIG TIME if I have a say in it.
“Shanis” is a pseudonym that Nestea used in order to get into our heroes’ school.
Archell and Feng DO NOT have the same powers. Archells’ are weather control, with includes wind manuplation, but Feng deals with wind and healing. He cannot control the weather.
Oh, okay. At one point Feng said something along the lines of “Wind, that’s us,” to Archell.
And who is Akhmet?
*totally clueless*
We didn’t mean that. It needs to be fixed. We are sorry for any confusion.
Right. So, I’m here, and probably only a little more confused than anyone else. (Right . . .) Okay, rather less confused than any random passerby. I’m gonna go read the old thread ’cause it might tell me who Akhmet is.
Or maybe not . . .
I’ll probably explain who Akhmet is in the character profiles, but you don’t want to read them unless you plan on working on the story with us. They’ll ruin the story for you.
Akhmet was supposed to have a larger roll initially, but he sort of got blotted out in the general confusion. When we revise a little (or a lot rather), you will know who he is, I promise.
145- Okay! I’m content to sit here and wait for something to happen. And yes, I am planning to work on the story with you, but first I’m going to get a feel for the story. (By sitting here and occasionally re-reading part of the thread.)
Agh. I am sorrysorrysorry for neglecting this thread, especially since we are getting SHINY NEW INTERESTED PEOPLE and they are (unsurprisingly) confused.
I emailed the revised version to the OEADs a while ago. If it got lost in a mass of mail or you want me to resend it for any reason, just tell me. I can also post it here, though it’ll have to go in chunks. Most of the stuff I corrected was grammar and style inconsistency, although I attempted (not particularly well) to clear up the whole ridiculous Akhmet/werecat confusion.
Basically: Akhmet was supposed to be a young sand afreet, just starting to be recognized as someone with potent and rare power. (Sand afareet are quite uncommon.) Then Nestea (who Akhmet knows as a bit prickly and supercilious), Feng (who Akhmet knows as a slacker who hasn’t been home in three hundred years), Nanook (who Akhmet knows as a deranged polar bear with slightly cannibalistic tendencies), and a bunch of kids who Akhmet doesn’t know at all show up. Everyone is lyke, “OMGPROPHECY!” And they sort of forget about Akhmet. Naturally, he’s rather bitter and jealous about this. He was going to be so cool.
Then something happened, and Akhmet became a werecat. Yeah, I don’t get it either.
On Feng, Adela, and Archell: Feng’s line “Wind, that’s us,” or whatever, means that he and Archell have power over wind. However, Archell’s takes the form of storm control rather than pure wind; she can manipulate rain and snow as well (as was evidenced by that spectacular blizzard she pulled off at the beginning of the story.) I don’t think it’s ever been mentioned what kind of afreet she is, but I would guess either a different lineage of wind from Feng and Adela or some kind of ice.
Regardless, Feng can’t do any of that shiny weather-control stuff, other than creating wind and moving it around. What he can do is heal. He’s from a line of wind afareet who have diminished wind powers but are the only afareet who can heal damaged magically. He and Adela are related in that they both come from that line of afareet, and he’s like her great-insertmoregreats-uncle or something,
but you could write Feng x Adela fanfiction and it wouldn’t be all “OMGINCEST”.I’m not sure, but I don’t think Adela has much wind power at all; she’s probably just inordinately fond of the stuff (or ordinately, actually), and maybe can use it to spy on people on a good day. Most of her strength lies in her ability to heal, which she could become quite good at with practice. This happened because, unlike the others (I assume) she’s mostly human, so her power comes not so much from her genes as from her birthday, which is explained in the actual story. Her resulting power was a little skewed for whatever reason.
Issy and Stella: They need major work. I’m not certain what to do with them, frankly, but they need work. Personally, I think they could just be cut from the story completely; they serve no purpose so far as I can tell, and another class of magic makes the story even more complicated. I’m sure we could find another trigger for the Ehmer x Bubble arc besides their failed summoning, or just have someone else screw it up. I don’t think that making them spies would help much, since it’s not their alignment but their personalities/powers/appearances that make them such Sues.
The story needs a lot of work, but it also needs a lot of completion! Plot like mad(wo)men, everyone! <3
We could change them to hideous crones if that would make it any better! (Just kidding . . . sort of.) It’s not Issy and Stella I wonder about so much as the other two – whatevertheirnamesare – Hazel and someone else, who have even smaller and more pointless parts than Issy and Stella.
I may be taking to much liberty with this post, but you did ask.
148- We could have them actually be hideous crones but appear to be young, beautiful and powerful (ie, Sue-ish.)
When Issy, Stella, Zelda, and Hazel were in the original story, they were all telekinetic, and didn’t have any other powers. I think.
You know, Akhmet looks about 16, depite the fact that he is about..*does math*.. 117 or something like that. He would probably have to go to school, to avoid making Adela really suspicious. That gives us a chance to introduce him a lot earlier in the story.
150- Sorry, you lost me there. Why would him not going to school make Adela suspicious? Doesn’t he live in the Sand Fortress?
150- I’m sorry, and this is compleatly off-topic, but I’ve been staring at your name for several minutes now and an’t for the life of me figure out what C-STS-O stands for. I feel like I should know this.
Alright. I think we need to insert major personality quirks into all the characters that don’t have one already. Make things more interesting.
152- You mean like Archell? Who is basically very unimportant so far? Except for the snowstorm, I suppose.
153- Yes. She needs some random trait that doesn’t help anything. Like fear of hights/bugs or something. Or maybe something more to do with the story, I don’t know.
154- How about she’s allergic to raspberries? It’s random and helps nothing.
I killed it, didn’t I? I didn’t mean to!
YOU DID!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
just kidding
Hmm. This story needs work. *imagines copying everything into Word* *dies* But maybe I should. It couldn’t be too bad for me, could it?
158 – I can’t imagine it would be fatal.
159- I’m not so sure, actually. Have you any idea how long this thing is?
I suppose the only way to find out would be to try.
If I don’t come back by the day after tomorrow, I’m dead or in a coma. Wish me luck!
Righty-ho. I’m not dead, though I’m a little confused. First question:
When Rex asks Ehmer his name, we have roughly three continuations. First of all:
“Why should I tell you what my name is? Why should I trust you?”
Then:
“Ehmer,” he said to the other boy. He didn’t suppose his name could do much harm. It was just a word.
And thirdly, to add to the confusion:
Ehmer didn’t answer at first. He had never been inclined to trust people at first glance, and someone he had just met in a prison cell where he had been forcibly transported in a bubble was not at the top of his “trustworthy” list by any means.
Soooooo, which are we using? Penty? Jadestone? Mina Baku Desu? Prarilius? Answer, someone? Please? Because if I know where I’m continuing from, I’ll write.
Considering Ehmers personality, I’d go with the third one, but we will have to have more than two people aprove.
160 – I have more than an idea. I know, for a fact, that the word count is a little over 20,905 words long. Unless, of course, that total doesn’t include Part 3, which I have yet to figure out.
164- It doesn’t.
163- Okay, I’ll wait for Pentatonikk or Jadestone. (The only two active people I know of.)
165 – It doesn’t? This is like the second most productive RRR ever!
166- Not really. It has the most story, but it’s mostly dead. The total story is really really long, but I don’t know exactly how long.
The second most productive RRR… *pauses* Either this one or Etheterre, I’m not sure which. Etheterre is less dead, and probably has around the same word count, but you never know. haven’t even tried to compile Etheterre. Maybe I should ask THF.
You should read this post, ’cause it’s cool.
158 (Alice)- Or I could just send you my revised version. Are you on the Illicit MB Mailing List of Dewm?
162 (also Alice)- I’m pretty sure we continued from one or the other on Part 3, since the story has definitely passed beyond that point in time.
Edit, sorta: All three versions make sense in context, though, since shortly after we switch to Ruby. Eh, I like the third version too.
167 (Alice again)- It has 26, 683 words in my revised Word document, and that’s without a good portion of Part 3.
I think that we need to do some more writing and revising. Mostly writing, though–we’ve been using this thread almost solely for planning purposes, and however well-edited an RRR is, it’s mostly deid if nobody’s writing for it. Waily waily waily.
Mmmm, revival, anyone?
168- I am. I’m Alice. (Surprise, surprise.)
I was working on the revival, but I got hung up on which post to use. Are we using version 3, then?
169 (Alice)- Sounds good to me. I’ll send the revised version your way.
-officially wins Shortest Post Evar award-
170- No you don’t.
It’s . . . long. To say the least.
162- Yes, I like the last one also.
I have all of it too. My word count is at… 28,097. What do you mean by Part 3? The thread?
Yay! No spelling/grammer errors except for names+one sentince that sounds good the way it is!
Yeah, I have Part Three (which is labled as Part Two in this thread’s title). I think we shoul;d read what Penty had to say at the end of that thread, and make changes. I’m willing to edit passages in the copy I have if you guys re-post sections here.
Also, Achmet’s name was changed to Akhmet because it’s more fitting, so I’m chaning that in my comy too.
Okay, Alice say’s she’s coming over her now, so I’ll post a comment I have.
At the begining, it sounds as if they’re in high school. It says 9th grade somewhere, but Adela is turning 13. And there’s a few mentions of ounger kids too.
So maybe it could be a school wth a high school on most of the campus, then a middle/grade school on some extra sp[ace. Maybe it’s a really small town or something. And all the grades share a cafeteria.
Adella goes to most middle school classes, but she’s in advanced math, and Ehmer’s smart enough to be in a higher level but just doesn’t care and do the work. He seems about 16 or 17 to me.
I think this would strighten it out. I’m willing to write it in if you all agree.
175 (JS)- I think we said on one of the other threads that they go to a K-12. Ehmer is fifteen or sixteen, I think. Ruby’s in ninth grade, so fourteen or fifteen, and Adela, Leah, and Archell are all around twelve or thirteen.
Ehmer’s comments about the entire rest of the cast as little kids have more to do with his ego than their actual ages, I’m pretty sure.
176- There’s some parts where ‘the small children’s eyes widended as they listened to the stream of cursing coming from Ehmer’s mouth,’ so they must have been rather young.
K-12 would make a lot of sense. Thankyou.
Darn. I came over here before Jadestone’s comment was posted, and then the internet was down and I forgot to come on here when it came back up. Sorry.
The bad news is: I haven’t yet read the edited version of the story. The good news is:
I can read Penty’s handwriting, which apparently means I’m talented.I’m about to.From what I gathered, Ehmer was about sixteen, Ruby fourteen, and Adela just-turned thirteen. That means that Leah would probably be about thirteen (I’ve always thought), and Archell about the same. That would make Adela the youngest of the bunch, but that’s how she seems anyway.
But the fact that they were all in a class together puzzled me. At first I thought that Ehmer was just held back because…well, because he’s Ehmer, and everyone else was around the same age, but then it turned out Ruby was in ninth grade and Adela wasn’t thirteen yet, and then I kind of ignored all mentions of age, because it seemed like various people were failing to agree when they started writing, and the best thing I could do was ignore it.
177- That makes me think they’re about seven. Are they? Would a seven-year-old be allowed near someone who swore as fluently as Ehmer?
Wait a minute! Is Adela a couple grades above her age? Because Ruby is in ninth, right? And it says:
“There was Ruby, the loner in Adela’s homeroom whose necklace sometimes glowed through her shirt.”
I’m not an expert on schools, but that just doesn’t fit.
I’m not sure where to address this problem, but this paragraph needs a teensy bit of work:
“Show-off,” sniffed someone behind Adela. She turned. It was Leah. She was glowering and twisting a strand of unpredictable reddish hair around her finger. Her math paper was covered with untidy scribbles that slightly resembled numbers in varying shapes and sizes, intertwined with random pencilly sketches. One of them was a surprisingly accurate drawing of the long, straight-haired back of her head. Adela smiled slightly. Leah always seemed to have a very short attention span.
Ms. Carman appeared to have heard Leah say something, because she looked up. “Leah,” she said, “Perhaps you would like to explain the concept of problem ten to us.” As Leah launched off into a long, surprisingly accurate considering the shape of her paper, explanation of the math problem, Adela glanced around the classroom at the other students.
Okay, so it’s two paragraphs. Oh well. The phrase, “surprisingly accurate” is used twice in a very short span of time. Also, the back of who’s head? Leah’s? Adela’s?
I’m going to be posting a lot of posts in a row while reading this. Sorry. Anyhow, if Adela sneaked back to her seat while people were being distracted by the snow, why was she standing in front of the blackboard two minutes later, while Ruby was thinking about the blizzard and who had made it?
178- If it was a school out in a less-populated area maybe, so there was only one school for all of them in a central location. Not farmland though, because more people would be more than 10 miles away. Maybe an older town that just had a population boom?
179- I think we should take out the homeroom part, and have Adela, Leah, and Archell younger people in an advandec math class. Maybe we should have Archell be 14 though, so it’s not 3 really smart 12/13 year olds at the same school, which is far-fetched. Ehmer is a slacker, so he could be older and held back.
Adela’s head, I think. Leah doodled what was in front of her.
181- But wouldn’t it be cool if it was Leah’s head? It would make her seem stranger than she is.
Okay, so I’m being ridiculous. Forgive me.
I think we should make Archell fourteen. We could also make both Ruby and and Ehmer be held back, but I like the first option better.
The paragraph with Issy isn’t so great. It’s fast and kind of obvious. Also, Archell should pay more attention to a white and purple snake in October, indoors. If she just ignored it and went back to her book, that’s just…weird.
Also, is prophesized the proper way of putting it? Oughtn’t it to be prophesied?
It say, “Junior high and high school students.” It doesn’t say anything about elementary schools. Yet.
Why is there a church nearby and yet most of the kids can’t make it home? *confused* It seems to me like this school is in the middle of the wilderness, not a town. And if both a kirk* and a school are in one place, it starts to become more like a town, especially since people are bound to build around it.
Plus, the whole “Adela falling in her potatoes” thing just seems really…random. I mean, why on earth?
Speaking of why on earth, what’s up with dinner at midnight? Don’t you think that the teachers would have a little more sense than that?
Oh, I’m being nitpicky. Don’t mind me.
*Scottish for church. I want a bit of variety.
um… There are three “really smart” 12/13 year olds in my school, by your definition. Not so farfetched. What’s odd is that we concentrate on them out of a class of normal people, but I suppose intelligence goes hand-in-hand with magic. It’s around November, then, before everyone’s turned fourteen, but late enough for a storm, and it’s ninth grade. But making Archell 14 is simpler. They can all fit in the same class. And there’s no reason advanced math can’t be homeroom, but the “homeroom” should be taken out because that’s at the beginning of the day and math sounds like it’s at the end, considering that it becomes late at night shortly after that, I think. It’s been a while since I read it.
Leah’s head, I think. Why else would the accuracy be surprising?
I’ll go back to lurking and waiting for someone to write more, then.
183- It’s October, actually. But yeah. Sounds good.
182 (Alice)- The paragraph with Issy needs work. I wanted to cut it altogether, quite frankly. It serves very little purpose, and I am frankly not overly fond of Issy.
I think that they’re in a semi-rural area. The school is located in a smallish town, with kids from surrounding, even smaller, towns also attending. By this logic, they could have a church nearby (and it’s actually more likely, since both buildings would be close to the center of the town, as they’re rather important) and still have some students who live more than ten miles away. And, while I am definitely not a rural girl at all, I would think it pretty likely that the heavy blizzard would take out a lot of the smaller roads that connect the towns.
I can’t for the life of me figure out a way of putting this info into the story, though. WE ARE NOT INFODUMPING I FORBID IT KTHX
We are going to fix that dinner at midnight thing one of these days. I was thinking that they would have eaten a nice uneventful dinner previously, without anybody falling in their potatoes. Then they were probably told to head over to bed in the gym while the teachers contacted parental units, which would take a while as several phone lines are probably out.
However, they can’t expect any teenager to go quietly to bed when it’s only about midnight. Our Heroes are no exception (look, Adela’s not a goody-goody! omg!), and they are soon traipsing around the school being secretive. We can gank the dialogue from the lunchroom scene and transplant it into the gym with everyone sitting around on their sleeping bags or whatever. And cut the potatoes.
Adela is mentioned as being unusually intelligent for her age, somewhere in there. She and Leah might have bonded because they were teased for being smart or something. Also, I believe they’re all in geometry, which is in Penty-land a sophomore-level class. I took it in seventh grade (eg Adela and Leah) and have friends who took it in eighth, ninth, or tenth. So it’s quite possible that they’re all in the same class, especially since it’s a fairly small school.
I’ve been thinking of Adela and Leah as seventh-graders, Archell as eighth grade, Ruby as ninth, and Ehmer as tenth, if that helps any.
Okay, the prophecy.
“‘Before Order might reign free, the Adversaries must be vanquished.* They shall come from sand, and be born of Fire, Air, Vision, Life, and Doom.** Guard well thine gates, lords of Cosmos, for from below and from above shall they come to claim dominion and shatter Law. And stone shall burn, and thunder will be heard in clear sky, and those who would be healed shall be wounded, and seen shall be the unexisting. When Chaos-child*** vanquishes Chaos-lord, then shall the Cosmos be torn asunder.'”
*The Adversaries are Adela, Archell, Ruby, Leah, and Ehmer, right?
** Who’s who? Leah=Fire, Archell=Air, Ruby=Chaos, Life=Adela, Vision=Ehmer. Am I right?
***Ruby?
I’m just a tad confused. Ruby, Ehmer, Archell, and Leah are afreet, right? Adela just gets her power from her birthday. Yet Adela is related to Feng, who is (obviously) an afareet.
What do the characters look like? I’m curious.
By the way, it’s a VERY good prophecy.
185- ‘Kay. Sounds good.
Yeah, Ruby is “at least a year older than everyone except Ehmer.” Therefore, she is fourteen, Archell is thirteen, Leah twelve, Adela just-turned thirteen. Ehmer, of course, is fifteen or sixteen.
How on earth did you come up with these names? Archell and Ehmer?
Sorry for the many-post, but I have to say this. I’m reading the story as I go, so i couldn’t have said it in my last post.
This is reaching a hard-to-understand part. It say that Feng said, “I’m here,” and made everyone turn around, and then a paragraph or two later, everyone was surprised to see him.
Do I have permission to make my own edits?
In my reading of the story, I found this:
She thought she once saw what looked like a CD perched on the back of four elephants swim past on the back of a turtle, but she wasn’t sure.
Is this a reference to Discworld, by Terry Pratchett?
186 (Alice)- You’ve got it all right with the prophecy.
Adela is part-afareet, but it’s not a very large part, and nowhere near as big as the others’. They’re probably closer to half- or three-quarters afareet, or even full-blooded ones.
188 (Alice)- Sounds good with the ages. And dun look at me about the names.
189 (Alice) – Sure, go ahead with the edits.
And, er, change that bit with Feng. That is what comes of writing tag-team and not reading carefully enough.
190 (Alice)- I’m pretty sure that it is.
185- I think we should make Issy a spy, and have some other person come in and chase her away and then take her role and call Feng and such. The we have the Powers finding the kids, and a reason to have then transported to the Sandstone Fortress for safty. Is this making sence? Bsically, we take out Issy almost altogether and re-introduce her as a bad person, because we havn’t had much of their involvement at all, really.
189- By all means, go ahead. Should we make your copy the mostly edited one, then? Because if we’re edditing several differently, it would get confusing.
192- I agree. Make Issy a spy. Goodness knows she needs to be bad. And also, PLEASE let’s take out the bit where Archell asks, “Why don’t you ever get mad?” That’s a really insipid scene.
I haven’t done much editing yet, because I’m still reading the story, but I’ll be done soon and then I can edit.
So… I had an idea. As you all know, the Ehmer scene is the whole reason we haven’t been writing. Or me, at least. So how does this work:
Ehmer didn’t answer at first. He had never been inclined to trust people at first glance, and someone he had just met in a prison cell where he had been forcibly transported in a bubble was not at the top of his “trustworthy” list by any means. He said nothing, and neither did Rex, but the latter looked at Ehmer expectantly, and it was clear he could do so till the end of time if he so chose.
After an awkward moment or two, Ehmer shrugged. “Ehmer,” he said to the other boy. He didn’t suppose his name could do much harm. It was just a word.
“Nice to meet you, Ehmer,” said Rex coolly, almost as if he’d hoped for a different response. “The Lord will probably want to speak with you, since the whole Fortress was preparing for your arrival.” He definitely sounded bitter now, though Ehmer couldn’t imagine what would make him so. He opted for the neutral answer and grunted nonresponsively.
The door opened so silently that Ehmer wouldn’t have noticed if he didn’t happen to be facing it at the time. It was the man who’d brought him here.
“Ehmer. The Lord Apepihotep wants to see you.” So Rex had been right. The other boy looked at him, unblinking, as he stood up and left the room.
The man waved his hand and the door slid shut again. Once they had walked a ways in silence, Ehmer said, “So, who is this Lord person anyway? And who are you?” It was probably among the more reckless things he’d said, but he was impatient with not being told anything. To hell with caution; he wanted some answers.
You swear a lot on this RRR. Well, Ehmer swears a lot. And the others do too, somewhat. Oh well, I don’t care.
Also, if the kids are afareet, why do they age at normal rates? Do afareet wait till they’re a certain age, and then just age verrrrrrrrrrrrrrry slowly?
Oh wait. I got it.
All afareet have long lives and age much slower than humans. When they are born, afareet age at the same rate as humans, but their aging immediately slows down when they discover their animal forms. Sand and wind afareet age at a rate of 30-50 years. Ice, fire, water, and thunder afareet are longer lived, aging at a rate of 60-80 years. With an aging rate of 90-150 years, dark and light afareet usually live the longest. Chaos afareet can age at a variety of different rates, depending on what type of afreet their parent are.
I get it. So Ruby is now aging slowly, and all the other kids are aging at a normal rate.
So who is Apepihotep anyway? If he’s the commander of the Army, then why exactly is Amarok all shocked when he hears about the dragon, and thinks that it’s Apepihotep? This is just so confusing…
Isn’t he Ruby’s dad, or something?
194 (Alice)- Ehmer is famously pottymouthed, yes. Now that he’s been captured, Feng is taking over his job.
196 (Alice)- This is what we get for introducing a character without deciding who he was. I think Amarok was originally intended as a spy or something, but now he is pure EBIL. We can take out that part where he’s surprised; I think that’s part of a duplicate scene anyway. Akkavish can call into her orby thing “I WANNA SEE WHO THE @#&$ HAS EHMER” and have it show Amarok and be all “lyke, omg.” I think that’s the version, in my edited copy, without the red marks around it.
Done. Here’s what’s going on:
Ehmer is being taken to see the Lord Apepihotep.
Ruby is looking for Ehmer.
Archell is going to get Athanath.
Adela is wherever she is.
Leah is keeping Adela company, or at least trying to find her.
Nestea and Feng have just flown off after Ruby (who’s flown after Ehmer).
Now we can write, though it would be a whole lot easier if someone would write before me, so I can feel like I’m not blundering about in the dark.
198- Oh, we’re all blundering. Some parts we get, others we don’t remember ever seeing before then it turns out we’re the one’s who wrote them.
I was rereading this, then I got distracted by Terra. Oops.
I already reread it. Should I be the one to write, then? *sigh*
~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~
Nope, I can’t do it. Maybe another time.
I can try to start us out, but I can’t promise quality. Writer’s block is an evil evil thing.
Had she not been running, Archell would have been biting her nails out of worry. (It was a nervous habit she’d never managed to really break.) She remembered what Nanook had told her, back in the school hallway, about how he’d shifted into his animal form and gone mad. Ruby, and Nestea, and Feng, even Ehmer…Archell had to fight down the urge to scream for them. She wanted to be out there, doing something to help, instead of hiding in the Fortress and looking for Athanath. It wasn’t like she even knew where Athanath was. Akkavish had probably sent her because she didn’t want some kid underfoot.
Archell wasn’t just some kid. She’d always known it, ever since that day when she’d wished it would rain and a sudden storm drowned out her words; she had power. She could just walk out on them and their stupid prophecy, see how Akkavish liked that. It was all going wrong anyway, wasn’t it? The prophecy said nothing about half its members just sitting around while the adults (and Ruby) did all the real work. And it wasn’t like she really cared all that much what happened to this world; her home was in Michigan, not Katreh, on Earth, not Aebvoraena.
It made sense when she thought about it; there was no reason for her to be here. She’d go back to her room, get her things, and leave. Feng had showed her how to make a transportation wind, so she could use that to get home. Nobody would care, she thought angrily, turning a corner. Her hand was on the door when she felt something grab her shoulder.
“Going to take a nap?” The voice was Nanook’s. Archell relaxed slightly; at least it was someone she knew. She opened her mouth to reply, but Nanook didn’t let her. “Or maybe you were thinking to leave and save your own skin?” His grip tightened to the point where his fingers were pressing into Archell’s collarbone. He went mad, she reminded herself unbidden. How do you know he ever came back?
He seemed to be waiting for a response now, so Archell forced herself to talk. “I wasn’t,” she said. When he didn’t call her a liar, she continued, emboldened. “You shouldn’t talk about leaving, anyway. You left, didn’t you? And at least I’m not going to kill anyone!” She wrenched herself free and spun around to look at him.
His hand shot out, faster than she could follow with her eyes, and slammed her against the door. She gasped with the pain that shot through her back. “You wouldn’t kill anyone. Gods, sometimes I think I’m the only sane one left. You wouldn’t kill anyone.” He stepped closer as he talked, until he was close enough to kiss her or to slit her throat. Archell stayed, rigid with fear against the door. “Tell me, what do you think that walking out on the prophecy would do? You’d sentence the rest of us to die. But you wouldn’t kill anyone. You’d live, and then you’d die eventually, and none of it would be your fault. Oh gods, you’re just like Nestea. You wouldn’t kill anyone.”
—
Akkavish waited for the girl to get back with Athanath, watching the sky. She didn’t know what for: a column of smoke, another bird afreet rising into the sky, a sign telling her what to do next.
One of Mokala’s slim fingers tapped her shoulder, bringing her gaze back to the courtyard. “Yes?” she said, still somewhat distracted.
“Athanath is gone. She has given you command of the Fortress.”
Akkavish turned around so fast that her hair whipped Mokala in the face. “Where? Why?” Her eyes were wide open, her fists clenched and her knuckles white against her tan skin.
“The Earth Fortress. She told me that it was because it was closer to the Powers.”
“But they’d attack here first! She’s a Maker, not a fool! She knows that!”
“She may have some reason she has not given. Akkavish…you know I will help you however I can.”
“I’m not worried about myself,” she snapped. “I’m worried about her. The Powers will be able to find her if she’s flying there; she’ll be unprotected. If she thinks to use herself as bait…” The courtyard was silent for a moment, as Akkavish looked once more to the sky.
“I should tell the children.” Both of them knew she meant the members of the prophecy that were still here. Concealing her fear, she left in search of Archell.
Notes of a Silly Person: That was even worse than I expected it to be, especially that Akkavish section. Blarg. Suggest edits as you will.
I’m sure Athanath has her reasons, though at the moment I’m not too clear on what they are.
It’s fine. Not great, but better than anything I could write with writer’s block. I’ll have to think about that.
Ugh. I can’t write from Akkavish’s POV, maybe Archell’s? It won’t be especially good.
•••••••••••••••••••
“Well, what can I do?” she burst out angrily. “It’s not like I’m doing anything useful, why can’t I just go home?” She knew the answer, though. Without her, the other prophesied ones would be useless. The four of them would not be enough to defeat the Powers, and Aebvoreana would fall. ((Okay, so maybe it won’t, but that’s the best I could do. It’s fairly redundant, too.)) But what Archell wanted to know was, how would it affect her?
•••••••••••••••••••
That was awful! Oh well, at least it was something.
*cough* Sorry to barge in and all, but I don’t think there is an Earth fortress, since there are no earth afareet. Athanath could go to a base in the north somewhere, or perhaps the thunder fortress.
Ruby seems to tranverse thousands of miles quite quickly without running into other dragons. We might want to change that.
I wasn’t planning on releasing this till it was finished, but here it goes
The MUUAP
Athanath
Athanath is the last of the beings who still call themselves the Great Makers, the creators of Aebvoraena. There are a few Lesser Makers still out there, but they are basically very old, ageless, afreet without animal forms. She has immense power as one of the Makers. She can do most things in the realm of magic, but augmenting the magic of others and shielding people are her specialties. However, she refuses to use her power for most purposes other than helping young mages and fighting the Powers.
Here is a description of Athanath from the text:
“She had wild white hair and olive skin. Bat-like wings lay folded on her back. Her slim hands encircled a glowing orb of blue light, and even from this distance Adela could tell that her fingers had four joints. Strangely, the woman wasn’t creepy, just…different.
And then a low voice reverberated through even the stone of the walls, echoing in Adela’s blood and bones. “Come here. All of you.”
The woman opened her eyes. They were dark black, so deep that they made Adela’s black sweatshirt look grey…”
She, and one of her compatriots were the only Great Makers not to become part of The Powers. After the death of her ally, she became the soul “Outcast”.
Very little is known about the other makers, due to the fact that Athanath is the only one that has been introduced into the text so far. It is unknown if all Great Makers look the same and if there are any males.
Fortress Commanders
Apart from Athanath, the fortress commanders hold the highest positions of power in the MUUAP. As their name implies, they manage operations, coordinate defense, and plan troop movements near their respective fortresses. Generally, the type of afreet a fortress commander is usually corresponds to the fortress, but this is not always the case, especially since the MUUAP controls the sandstone fortress, and the Powers still weed out wind and sand afareet whenever they can.
Fortress commanders usually designate a successor to assume command in case of their death. However, a new fortress commander must be approved by Athanath, as well as by others who hold the position.
At one time, there was fortress for every type of afreet, with the exception of Chaos. Thousands of years later, fighting between the MUUAP and the Force has left four fortresses destroyed and one in the possesion of the Powers and the Force. The MUUAP currently controls, the sandstone, thunder, and dark fortresses.
Later, I hope to add others ranks, character profiles, and information on the Force and the Powers. I’m also planning on updating the species guide and adding countries. I’ve just been lazy lately, Feel free to pie me. And you don’t have to listen to my strange ideas.
Can I please write the scene where Ehmer meats Apepihotep? I have some ideas. *evil smile*
You’re writing! *faints*
What’s MUUAP?
Mina Baka Desu sent this map with the comment “Hopefully, this will clarify a few things.”
Wow! That’s a nice map!
Wow! Thanks! It does clarify things, though I still don’t know what MUUAP is.
Thanks. Its a little small, so I hope you can read my handwriting. >_
And MUUAP stands for Magic Users United Against the Powers. Sorry , I forgot the first paragraph.
210- I can read your handwriting fine. But then, I could read Penty’s too, so maybe it’s some magic power I have, or something…
211- Thanks.
210 dont worry i write like that 2
211 can i join muuap
The MUUAP are fictional characters. It’s great that you’re participating in these RRRs (most of them need it badly), but please try reading the story first.
I like it, it does clarify things. Where is it, though? I thought they were on earth, at the begining, but I’m less sure now.
Does anybody notice that it takes Ruby a rather short amount of time to get to the ice fortress?
Now, even if you don’t take my map into account, there is still thousands of miles between a place sand afareet would like and a place ice afareet would like. It takes jet planes hours to fly that far. And I have a feeling dragons fly a lot slower than jet planes.
216- I never considered that, but now that I do, I just thought that time passed that we didn’t write about. But I suppose that in the rest of the story . . .
216- Wasn’t it moved to the desert for a while? I thought there was a mention of that somewhere or something…
218- Yeah, I think so! I’m too lazy to check, but I think it was.
can some one post all of the story from this therd? I can get it from the first 3 but I need it from here!
I mean anything after https://musefanpage.com/blog/?p=401 ? ( aka reffance text) thanks!
(220)-I think Penty sent the shiny pretty full edited version to the GAPA’s, but their not done yet.
(218)-No, not really. And its sort of hard to move a fortress. Akhmet moved one in the original story, but the original story is silly, and it was the sand fortress, anyway.
Why do my posts here keep getting cut off? I posted twice, once with the whole story after the reference text and the next time asking why it disappeared.
223- hmm. the story must be to long. divide it in half.
224- No, when you post something that’s too long it just snips it off at a certain post.
225- yeah, but I tried to post 2007.1’s stroy and then it never showed up.
216 (Mina)- I think it says in the original story that the Ice Fortress has been transported to the desert for convenience’s sake. Do remember that the Powers have amazingly powerful afareet (Apepihotep, Amarok) and themselves (super-powerful god things) at their disposal. They can probably find a way to move a fortress.
We need to write something. More of Nanook and Archell?
In the original story it was the Sand Fortress that moved. I know this because I wrote that passage.
I’m okay with the Ice Fortress being moved, though, as long as we don’t go to the climax that fast. (Ruby swooping down on the ice fortress and all.) The Katrehian desert is still quite large regardless (think Sahara size), containing lots of dragons that don’t like others on their territory.
I have an idea for the Nanook/Archell thing, but I’m not sure if a should post an outline first, and then see what everyone thinks about.
228 (Mina)- It is big, but Ruby’s attack shouldn’t be the climax if nobody else is coming. I was thinking she could get turned back somehow, and then they’d have the BOSS BATTLE back at the Sandstone Fortress.
Post the outline or the writing. I’m not fussy.
If someone writes I’ll find time to contribute.
Question: WHere is this taking place? AT the begining, it seems like earth, but as we go it becomes progressivly not. And several places on earth are referenced (like china). BUt if it were a decidedl alternate version of earth with dragons and large deserts, wouldn’t some people know about it?
Alright, here it goes. *digs in head for world information*
In about 2000 B.C.E. the prophesy was found out. This is also the time the the Powers began slaughtering wind and sand afareet. This was also when the MUUAP was formed, a fighting had begun to escalate. Afareet living in small communities had to either pick sides, leave, or die. Invariably, many chose to leave and go to earth, scattering across every continent.
The Makers, when the made Aebvoraena, created several portals in places to get from Aebvoraena to earth. However, these portals are heavily fought over, since whoever controls them controls a supply line. For example, there is a large portal in the Bermuda triangle but this is controlled by the Powers, who shoot down anything that comes through it. Some wind afareet also have the ability to create portals, but they are few and far between.
232 (Mina)- Adding on to the portal thing: Most afareet, some sorcerers, and all Makers/Powers have the ability to create portals, but the size and duration of the portal varies. Feng and Archell, for instance, created a portal when they transported Our Heroes from school to Aebvoraena, but it was one that only lasted for the duration of their journey. It takes much more power than two afareet (one of them not even trained) to create a permanent portal, and there are only a few in the world, most of them in remote locations on both worlds. For example, the Bermuda Triangle portal leads to a tiny atoll hundreds of miles away from the nearest landmass.
According to legend, there are wind afareet who can create permanent portals, but even when wind afareet were numerous these were very rare, and it is believed that this ability was extinguished when the Powers slaughtered the wind afareet. Currently, the only living people who could make such a portal are the Powers, Athanath, and a few lesser Makers.
To me, the business with Nanook and Archell depends quite heavily on the whole Feng/Nestea/Nanook/Amarok backstory, which we’ve never really figured out. I have an idea of what happened, but I’m not sure how close it is to anyone else’s.
After the destruction of the Wind Fortress and the exodus of its residents, many afareet fled to the Ice Fortress. (This was while it was still in the north, before it was moved to the desert.) Others transported themselves to Earth; this is probably where Adela’s afreet blood comes from. Feng made the cold journey to the Ice Fortress with some other wind afareet he’d barely met; his father was dead, his mother and brother missing, his sister gone for Earth, and his ex-girlfriend not speaking to him and headed for the Thunder Fortress. They made the trip on foot, since the more powerful afareet working for the Powers would be able to detect the use of wind magic.
Arriving at the Fortress, the wind afareet found themselves a chilly reception. Lolz I r punny. Anyway, the residents of the Fortress were not happy to have a bunch of refugees on their hands, especially refugees that could draw the attention of the Powers. However, Feng’s winning personality eventually won him the beautiful, kind, caring Nestea…or something. Nestea’s somewhat unstable friend Nanook did not approve–he wanted the wind afareet out because he was afraid they’d betray his beloved fortress. Amarok was much more supportive of the continued presence of the wind afareet, but he was already working as a spy for the Powers so we’re not counting his opinion.
We should probably investigate the reasons why Amarok, Nestea and Nanook’s closest friend, ended up betraying them. He was always the cynic of the trio, and believed that the end always justified the means. He believed that the ice afareet were doomed to fall to the Powers in turn, so he decided to work for them to save himself and the people he cared about. It’s worth noting that the mission of the Powers convinced a lot of people to join their side: seal off the portals between Earth and Aebvoraena for the safety of those on both sides. Amarok didn’t have much of an opinion on this issue at first; he just wanted to keep his friends safe.
The Powers ordered Amarok to turn over the Ice Fortress to them and blame it on the wind afareet. He obliged, and convinced Nestea to allow him to talk to the wind afareet, who were executed as traitors. The ice afareet were evacuated and any resisters killed. Nanook ran off in bear form and spent several centuries killing things. Nestea blamed the betrayal on Feng. Furious, she dumped him and left in search of Amarok, who she still trusted. Feng decided that Aebvoraena really wasn’t worth it and sent himself to China, where he spent three hundred years fuming. It was not until later, when Nestea joined MUUAP, that she learned who had really betrayed her.
This is just the basics of my interpretation of events. The Ice Fortress Crew still has a long list of unsettled scores, and they’ve all been proven as ridiculously screwed up individuals by events. Even the ones on the same side of the war don’t trust each other any more.
Sorry for tl;dr. Did anyone get a totally different impression of the backstory from the original text? We should probably settle on what actually happened, even if we don’t put it in the story, because it will influence the way the members of the Crew behave around each other, especially now that Amarok is becoming a more important character.
Yes, that’s basically how I invisioned it.
I’m being really lazy right now.
How I see Amarok’s current situation:
After he gave up the Ice Fortress to the Powers. Amarok was placed in the Elite Guard; they quickly relized his skill and Leadership potential.
However, the Powers still don’t trust him, and keep him on a tight leash.
Sounds good to me. Will write actual story when not ded.
Here’s an overview of Akkavish’s plans:
The is almost certainy an attack coming, and she needs reinforcements from the Thunder and Dark Fortresses.
Nanook, Akhmet, Kitsune, Zelda, and Leah are going on a mission to retrieve Ruby, while Archell and Adela will stay in the Fortress and be taught by Mokala.
Meanwhile Ehmer get dragged over to meat Apepihotep and one of the powers. She (or he) orders Apepihotep to lead an attack on the Sand Fortress, while giving Ehmer over to Amarok for training.
I’m working on this scene, so hopefully we will see it soon.
237- Please do. I’ve tried to write on this before, but I often feel like it’s out of my league, so I just read it.
I told one of my parent’s friends, about this story, and here’s what I got back.
Thanks for pointing me to this. I have read a little of it, and the
story seems fun and engaging, with good characters and action. I’m not
expert on fiction writing, so I’ll just note a couple of stylistic
points–this is exactly the kind of stuff I talk about to my students
who already write well and are looking to improve. I’ll pick out two
examples from the beginning of the story.
1. “Adela looked at her notes and found an incomprehensible mess of
quadratics. This had all made so much sense last night. Now it looked
like a bunch of spaghetti, which was what Adela’s mind felt like. Why do
I have to do quadratics anyway? wondered Adela. Stiff-legged, she
walked up to the chalkboard. She picked up her notebook and copied the
problem out, hoping she wouldn’t have to explain it.”
There’s nothing incorrect about this sequence, but it takes a while to
develop a situation that isn’t central to the action of the scene.
Could it be condensed? For example: “Although quadratics seemed to make
sense last night, when Adela looked at her notes now, the page and her
mind both became spaghetti. Wondering why she needed to do quadratics
anyway, she walked to the chalkboard and began to write, hoping she
wouldn’t have to explain her solution.”
You might not like that version–the details aren’t important–but it’s
a way to cut the passage from 70 words to 48 without losing any
meaning. Writers are always looking to make such cuts.
2. “As Leah launched off into a long, surprisingly accurate considering
the shape of her paper, explanation of the math problem, Adela glanced
around the classroom at the other students.”
This sequence is fine except that it puts a big chunk of text in between
“long” and “explanation.” Those words need to be together for clarity.
In the part of the story I’ve seen, I have the impression that the text
could use some work on sentence order more generally. A number of us at [my town’s college] recommend a book for talking about exactly these issues:
/Style: Basic Lessons in Clarity and Grace/, by Joseph Williams. I
recommend other books to weak writers, but Williams is excellent for
working on prose that is already good–like this story.
Yo bloggers click here, whut.
239 (Mina)- Ooh, that book should be excellent. I’ll see if I can get it from the library and do a bit more editing.
240- Hallo, Penty.
Ack, this thread gets two posts a month. I would help keep all of the RRRs alive, but they are too confusing and take too much time, for me anyway. I also am not as good as most people here at just writing…
I am better with the adventures, and proudly help keep them alive! The RRRs just need people who will be able to keep them alive as I have the adventures.
Red-tailed HAWK
242- Si. I’m not so good with the adventures. I’m better with the RRRs.
Alice-Perhaps RRRs take more RRR-ish people to keep them alive…
Red-tailed HAWK
241 (Alice)- Hola.
242 (CAPITALIZED MAN!)- The problem with keeping this RRR alive is that most of its writers are not particularly active (or indeed, active at all) so we must attract new blood if we want to survive. -pokes Alice-
245- What? I’m new blood.
New, uninspired blood that happened to lose her copy of this story.
246 (Alice)- Yes, that’s why I was poking you. I can’t help much with the lack of inspiration, as I suffer from the same malady, but I can send you a copy of the story if you’d like.
247- Would you? I remember making a few edits, but of course I lost those too. Argh.
248 (Alice)- Sent it off.
I did not find the Williams book at the library, but I found a bunch of other entertaining writing books that I am currently perusing. Win.