Sail on! and on! and on!
Now almost 3,000 posts long, the saga continues with no end in sight.
Continued from Part Eight.
Patience, Please
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Ships’ Logs: Beyond Museica, Part 9
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Almost 3,000 posts, eh? I wonder how these threads have endured so long.
SHIP’S LOG OF THE SEAHAWK
The cook has just pulled herself up into the ship! She doesn’t seem very well. I have called Gwen, and found one of the rare dry towels for Kag.
She seems to have a story to tell, but she needs to rest for a bit first. I wonder if she was able to tell the Museicans of the Pi-rates, or if she couldn’t make it past the sea beast!
Even though she is the cook, I will cook the celebration feast (sorry crew!)
Captain HAWK
(1) If you’re of a seafaring nature, it’s hard to stay ashore without becoming restless after awhile.
So… we’ve got five canisters of interuniversal fuel left. Where to now?
~Angel Kag, the cooks log~
I managed to tell the museicans of the Pierates. They met my news with worried looks and fearful actions. I quickly atempted to reach the sea hawk, but alas, tossed upon the waves i met a monster. I tried and tried to escape and finaly found myself by a boat. I clambered up the side and plopped onto the deck. it was only when R-tH came upto me that I realized I was home.
Uh oh. Normally when this thread is continued, we get an influx of newbies. That flux is currently absent. This does not bode well for the future.
Speaking of which… why not go to one of the possible futures next?
4- well, we will need one to get back home, so that means that we only have four. Middle Earth? Or the Legendarium?
6- I don’t know if that is posible.
4) I have an idea about where we cold go! As I recall, a long time ago, whilst I was still sailing on the Enchilada Steamer, we came upon a sheet of paper, whitch read:
Off the coast of Crouton lies my treasure.
Signed Llangwhitcharts
why don’t we go searching for this mysterious tresure?
9- I think that is in the museiverse.
we can go here:
1) Middle earth
2) the legendarium
3) the future
4)?
5) back to our home to look for the treasure.
The legendarium is not part of the Musiverse. Neither is Middle Earth. Let’s head to the future first. One thousand years sound good?
11- sure!
*puts fuel into tank, taking them to the future.*
hmm. rather bare…
Not terribly bare. There are all these strange machines, after all . . . It reminds me of something . . . Ah well, there’s no real cause for alarm. But we’d best be on our guard. The future is eerily like a cheese factory.
Kiwimuncher should be pleased at least.
Oooooooooooooooooooooo! Cheese factory!
Cheesy is pleased as well!
Cheesy: Bleepy Bleep Bleepers!
I have an awful feeling that Paul Baker’s prediction has come true.
15-up. I have nocticed that the sounds sound a lot like cheesies…
Outside the factory seemed to be a deserted island. Sluggish, dark seas lapped at its pale shores. There was nothing in sight except this.
I went to Rebecca Lasley’s laptop. She usually used it in her duties as moderator while aboard, but as she was taking extended shore leave, I figured she wouldn’t mind.
I logged into MuseNet Explorer. Now to find out if the Internet still existed…
GOOGLE.COM, I typed.
404 Noop Fyndyfyndy, the computer replied.
It looked like a corrupted version of Museican Standard, but the replacement of I with Y was distinctly Raspecanian. Tie that in with the obvious Cheesy cultural influence, and the implications were clear. And the 404 Not Found error implied that an Internet of sorts remained.
Now I just had to find an actual website… but how to go about doing that? I had no point of reference, no search engines to use as a starting point. Simply typing all possible combinations into the URL bar would take far too long.
But wait! If Cheesies were a major influence- or possibly the dominant species- the URL would reflect that. Judging from their speech and name, I thought of two plausible substitutes for .com- .chz and .blp, or Cheese and Bleep.
A.BLP.
404 Noop Fyndyfyndy.
B.BLP.
404 Noop Fyndyfyndy.
Et cetera, et cetera. It drove me crazy. A world of information at my fingertips, and no way to access it.
Then I hit the jackpot when, on a whim, I entered http://WWW.FYNDYFYNDY.BLP. A search site came up. Utterly incomprehensible language, but it followed a recognizable format.
“Kiwimuncher,” I called, “I’ll need you to translate for me.”
Clever…
I suppose I am officially returned.
AAAAAAAHHHH!!!! I just woke up from a deep sleep. Wait! Not sleep! Hibernation! I was frozen In coffin shaped pie! How did I survive? Wait, where am I? I’m lost in what appears to be a cheese factory! The last thing I remember…. aaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE’S MY SHIP?! WHERE’S THE RUBUDUB TUB? I’M RUINED!
How long have I been out? I guess I could power up my laptop and check. !!!
A Thousand years!!!!! 
8O!!!!!! My subscription to muse needs to be updated! I can’t even get on the internet. *Has a sudden hunch, and types in fyndyfyndy.blp* Whoa. A different language. I can’t make anything out. All it says is: chedderius bleusius swissin bleepity. Complete gibberish. Hey, what’s that? A ship in the distance! And my friend Captian Canix! I’m saved! I wonder if the kind Captain will allow me to join the crew, as my ship is…. ummm… I don’t know where my ship is. While I wait to be picked up I’ll search for old ships logs *hunts out old threads*
I spin around, hearing a sound, and think I’m dreaming.
“HMOTT!” I exclaim. “How did you get here?”
22- welcome back! *pies with wlecome back pie.*
Canix, you old sea dog! What news of my ship, Rubadubtub? And can I join your crew until I find a seaworthy vessal?
“I don’t recall what happened to your ship, but you can certainly join mine.”
Hmmmmmmmmmmm. I seems that you have indeed found a sight about………
*squints*
the weather.
Apparently it is partly Edam today. Whatever that means.
Oh! Wait! There is a link to regular news headlines here at the bottom of the page! How exciting!
Here are the greatest news events today.
PROVOLONE BLEEPY BLEEPENS BLEEPISH BRIE
CAMEMBERT BLEEP BLAAH!
PECORINO BLEEPY NOOP ROMANO
Care to translate, Kiwimuncher?
29-Something about three…no four…no FIVE–every time I look there’s another one!– Italian cheeses (Yay electronic dictionary! I hadn’t heard of a couple of them. I should eat more cheese!
I’m going to send this in so the ship’s log is on a new post!
SHIP’S LOG OF THE SEAHAWK
Kagy has managed to tell the Museicans of the Pi-rates, but I fear that they may not know their power, as Muse-peoples (other than us) have never fought them before.
I think we must continue this adventure later. We must sail with great speed to Museica and defend them! Call all the ships of the fleet! Onward we go! *fires cannon*
Heheh, even though all of kag’s work may not have warned the Museicans enough of their power (it’s difficult to communicate) I’m glad I had a chance in the kitchen for a while…
I will be perfecting it on the way, and it should be ready when we must do battle with them.
Our journey should take but eight days, and on the ninth….We meet them in battle! *Blows great horn/trumpet/loud thingymabobberwhatever*
Captain HAWK ?=}
27- I remember now! my ship was ambushed by pi-rates from the future! They froze me and my crew. However, my ship, Rubabdubtub, was destroyed
I think, just from context, that the world is engaged in a war and those headlines talk about new developments on the Adriatic peninsula.
What is NaNoWriMo? National November Writing Mostly?
34- National Novel Writing Month.
The headline reads………..
New Advancments of Troops Are Called For on the Adriatic Penninsula.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
The rest of the article continues to discuss the increasing surge of enemy troops along the borders and the continuous need for more pies. Well, PC was right, a serious war is going on here. It appears that the cheesies are fighting a large population of their cheesie food conterparts. In fact, the cheesie side is in trouble because the cheesie food side has just created a new weapon, schoollunchnachospears. These weapons are taking down the cheesie troops faster then any other weapon that the cheesies have created. Apparently, the cheesie food troops have their eyes set on conquering the Adriatic Peninsula along the cheesie territorie’s eatern border. To bad, no good news in this article.
36- Does it mention any URLs? I really need to gather as much information as I can about this place. Particularly history.
How do you say “history” in Cheesy?
This is all quite curious… *twiddles fingers in a pensive manner*
Perhaps we could find ourselves some kind of interpreter in the future?
37) The Cheesy language doesn’t really have a word for our ‘history”. For cercumstances of past events, they say “Bleeperys Smilk Blop” which means in English, “Before present actions”.
Please consider me still part of the crew even when I fail to post. I’ll get on at the earliest opportunity.
I will immediately enter “Bleeperys Smilk Blop” in the search box at the top of the page.
Wait. How do you say “world” in Cheesy?
41) “world” means “BLP” in cheesy
PC clicks on the first of several links and we come to a page about how the cheesy’s spread thourghout the world. Hmmmm. Interesting. Apparently they became regulars in normal human households and slowly becamse more powerful over the years so that they became the dominent creature in the musiverse. Well, I guess that menas that there is no shortage of cheese.
42- What happened to the humans? And what of the extraterrestrial colonies? Lunar Museica? PPP? I must know!
The humans are now a minority. They are now poor civilians in the most part who work the cheese mines.
However, the extraterrestrial colonies are highly respected in the world of the cheesies, for they live in the cheesies origonal territory. All of the sites that I visited commented on their many great discoveries.
Lunar Museica now a major civilization. It is mostly inhabited by cheesies. The cheesies have always seemed to love Lunar Museica. Whether it’s because the moon is said to be associated with cheese is not confirmed.
PPP is really the only part of Museica that hasn’t changed. The cheesies have respected it’s origonal inhabitants enough to not closely inhabit it themselves. They respect that they didn’t origonally inhabit Museica.
*eats some cheese found in the factory*
Yum! Very good!
an arlam sounds.
44- Let’s head to the PPP to regroup and rest. Then we can do some study here and go back.
Especially since there are heavily armed cheesies coming after us. We must have broken into a sacred historical site or some such.
Interesting. I believe that the Cheesies have diversified into different races. These are a lot bluer and larger than the ones we have on our ship.
Hurry it up! They’re getting closer!
yes cap’t !
3…2…1…. blast off! heading to ppp at one thousand pie years an hour.
Oooooooo! How fun! I love being chased and then escaping. It gives me a nice feeling. It also gives me a hungry feeling. For dinner, lets have rice, stew, cheese, cheese, more cheese, and chocolate cheese cake.
Raspecan’s been nuked.
It’s true. I saw it out of the porthole. No life readings, but radiation’s off the chart. Those cheesies must really have hated their former masters.
Oog… The future seems to be a bleak place. Let’s hope the PPP is a bit better.
SHIP’S LOG OF THE SEAHAWK
WE HAVE LANDED! THE SHIP IS ON RED ALERT! ALL PIE CANNONS LOADED!
My newest pie has been perfected and copied. We have 1,000,000 to blast out of our new cannons. Each one is timed and not only squirts out liquid filling just before impact, but explodes sending a blast of hard cherries and WHOLE apples!
These PI-rates don’t stand a chance!!!! We have fired one at the center of them and they are still recovering. The cherries and apples knock you out and the liquid filling contains stuff that makes you turn “good” (it can be used on
s too)
*Fires cannon*
We’ll be done by nightfall! Ah, yes, pies are teh greatest!
Captain HAWK
52) Wow. That pie’s sure effective isn’t it. Maybe we can get some of those……….
Well, anyway, I would try putting cabbages into the pies. the pirates would go down with a bang!
We’re approaching PPP now. Alpha Kokopelli seems to be a bit redder and larger, but not enough to adversely affect life on the planet. The continents are shaped roughly the same, with a few canals that weren’t there before, and slightly differing coastlines. Only to be expected. Shall we go down and see what’s what?
yes! lets!
sounds good to me!
Well, let’s go down to the Tupisodaloric Groves first. If the title has not changed, Oob XX or thereabouts will be ruling them.
Oob X. PPP make people like longer.
58- Good point. That had slipped my mind.
We’re coming in for a landing. Now to find out how this place has changed…
59- mainly that the fudge swamp has expanded over most of the country, and also has leaked in to feather. there is now a war between the two countrys.
who’s on the sea hawk again?
60- Really? That’s not good. How’s the rest of PPP?
The rest of PPP is taken up by a vast forest. It mostly is inhabited by the usual peaceful PPP residents, however, there is apparently a bad gang of evil maniac chipmunks living there now.
63- They must have escaped the Flavor Continent after the Pie War and migrated aboard cargo ships.
How did the forest spread over PPP so quickly?
64- the fact that A) Oob and I will soon be the only ones left, and B) the tration of planting a tree after a socopelli game. lots of sockopelli games, lots of trees.
A post of mine disappeared…
53-*puts cabbages in pies* That’s really all it said in my lost post. I think.
61-OK um:
Captain: HAWK
First mate: Musicman
Ship’s doctor: Gwen
Cook: You( Kagy)
Head of watch: Stormwatcher
I have a feeling somone new joined us, but I can’t find the post…
SHIP’S LOG OF THE SEAHAWK
The pi-rates have been turned nice, at least all that are here. I am reluctant to leave fearing the pi-rates should return from the sea. We are staying in port and stocking up on our supplies. This will give us a chance to rest after our long adventure.
I’m working on a route that might not be as crazy as the last one. Hopefully I’ll be right!
Captain HAWK ?=}
We have now officially landed on the PPP. So far, there has been no one who has come to greet us, so I am going to go ahead and cook dinner. Hamburger Helper, creamy corn, and fresh fruit are on our menu tonight. Perhaps I could make some homemade icecream……….
A squadron of aerial soldiers just landed around us. Their uniform resembles that of the Beerider Defense of the present time, but they are riding giant scripsquirrs instead of bees. This is probably because the Honeystik Hill Grove was flooded, destroying the bees’ habitat and wiping them out. A breeding program must have been established to make fitting steeds out of the scripsquirrs.
They’re talking to us in strange but intelligible Museican. I think they want us to follow them. Perhaps they’ll take us to Oob X.
well, we are at Oob X’s palace. Captian Canix is taking a tour. I, on the other hand, are being heakd captive intill the pwner of feather comes to pick me up. I am thinking this might be a trap…
Wow!
The palace is AWESOME! At the moment, I am following Captain Canix on a tour of the palace grounds and the building is simply awazing!
oh, come on! I need help. kiwimuncher, find someshort of phone and call feather.
71) OK!
Hi feather! TMFA told me to call you!
………
Yeah, I know.
………
He’s waiting for you somewhere in the Oob X’s palace.
……..
Where am I? Oh, I’m just taking the tour with Captain Canix.
……..
Oh, it’s great!
……..
What’s that?
………
Oh, right! Yeah, he’s being held captive until you come.
……..
Hmmmmmm. No, I never thought that it was strange that I’m taking a tour in the palace that TMFA is being held prisoner. I guess that I never thought about it. Although, now that you mention it, it does sound suspicious.
……….
OK. I’ll inform Captain Canix.
……….
Will do! I’ll be on my guard! Good luck!
The current leader of Feather, the girl for bo, is coming to pick TMFA up.
Oob X told me a surprising secret. The war between Feather and the Groves is a complete sham. It’s just an excuse to stockpile weapons and train armies for an attack on the cheesies.
then why is it that the girl for bo has about 50,000 body guards?
74- Apparently the cheesies monitor the war closely. It has to look realistic.
well, we are all touring the place, with both Oob X and TGFB. she is being “held” by two of Oob Xs gaurds. we will soon be going to TGFB’s place, then helping them on defeeting the cheesies on earth.
i should probably post more often
We’re defeating the cheesies? Poo. I like the cheesies.
78- oh, your cheesies are fine. what some of them evolved in to is cropputed, smell, cheese.
79) Oh. OK!
Oob X, my crew and I have hidden in the cargo hold of the Carrot Cruiser, the Featherian equivalent of Air Force One, and the Zommer Vaycayshun is being towed behind it. TMFA and TGFB are riding in the luxury section of the Carrot Cruiser. Grr. But of course, we can’t go up there or the cheesy surveillance drones might suspect something. TMFA won’t look suspicious because he’s a former pwner of Feather.
We’re almost at the Carrotscraper, the wartime capital of Feather. It’s now part of a massive structure called the Donut Dam, which keeps fudge from flooding into the populated areas of Feather.
Whoah. The sight of the giant Donut Dam takes my breath away! We are now stationed in the Carrotscraper at one of the top most floors. To bad the building has no elevator. It is, after all, 31 floors tall.
I send a small creature of feathr back “to check the hold”.it is deliving a small chip that will allow us to talk to Oob X and captian Canix with out the cheesies picking us up.
“can you hear this O.k.?” I ask.
83- “Yup. We’re just about to disembark.”
Oob X explains to me that, as TGFB and TMFA leave the ship, there will be 5 Cheesy surveillance drones monitoring them. We will slip out unobtrusively through a service door. Once we send a signal that tells them we are safely inside, TGFB will begin making a speech to the populace of Feather (throughout which secretly trained soldiers have been strategically placed.) The cameras will swivel to focus on her. Then her bodyguards will shoot the drones down with SR10s. (Sugar Rush Tens, guns that harness the pure energy derived from eating all your Halloween candy at once.) Battle cruisers will be launched from secret hangars beneath the Donut Dam to do battle with the Cheesy fleet in orbit. If we are victorious, we will continue on to free the rest of the Musiverse.
Awesome Plan! I’m all for it! What shall I be doing during the mean time Captain Canix?
85- We’ll be in the service entrance until the Donut Cruisers are launched. Then we’ll get back on board the Zommer and fly up to join in the battle. I have a few good ideas for the three spare canisters of editorial fuel… What do you say to teleporting a Cheesy Cruiser into the core of Alpha Kokopelli?
They just shot down the drones!
Everyone’s yelling and shouting and rushing about. I make an effort to organize my crew.
“TMFA, get on board the Zommer and charge up the forward gun. Wait for my orders.” TGFB has kindly provided us with an SR10, as well as a last-resort Battle Seed which, upon impact, will explode into a self-updating, fast-growing evolving plant which devours everything it touches. “Kiwimuncher, man the shield console. Set the Carbonic Filter Field to 150%. Power up ray shields at 85%, impact shields at 90%. Deemo, Ruffled Grouse, man the side pie cannons. Justinia, Jadestone, Fluffy, raise the sails. I’ll take the helm.”
The Zommer rockets through the air in the wake of the massive cruisers.
‘Captian! we can’t hold them off. I am putting a tank of the fuel in to the tank. next stop: the first pie war!
zoom
“No! Do not put that fuel in! We have to help the Pieites defeat the cheesies!”
89- “fine!” i said, removing the fuel before it activates, not wanting to wast the fuel.
I gritted my teeth and spun the ship’s wheel, tacking on the solar wind towards the front of the fleet. We had stopped on the very edge of space.
Radio chatter spilled into my ears from the communicator on the wheel. The girl for bo was giving orders. “Do not fire yet. Hold your formation.”
But the cheesy fleet- huge, triangular ships of pitted yellow metal- was skipping the formalities. Tracks of glowing smoke scored the blackness of space as two missiles wound towards the front line.
There was a massive impact and a flash of white light, but the cruisers’ shields had held.
Enormous doors opened in the sides of the donut battleships, disgorging swarms of agile carrot-fighters. Turnip-shaped supply ships spun and darted through the thick of the fleet, momentarily docking with up to ten fighters at once to recharge their SR10s and fill up their tholiatomine tanks. It was a very efficient system, but I couldn’t help but notice that they were outnumbered. I decided it was time to help the Piites.
“REBECCA!” I shouted, hoping the SCAMP was able to hear me in Moderation Space. “We need you! And any other former crew members we can get!”
Rebecca pushed the cat off the laptop so she could make out the sound. Was something wrong with the hard drive? Except…that tiny ruffling noise, almost like a voice… But the speakers were muted.
Perhaps it was her imagination. And yet some sixth sense told her it was something more. “Puzzles always go better with ice cream,” she said to herself and stepped into the kitchen.
A waft of cold air and a smell of sweet cream blew across my face. Nobody else seemed to have noticed.
“I guess I’ll just have to manage by myself,” I said grimly.
The ice cream, or more likely, the chocolate chips, sharpened her senses. On a hunch, calling upon some of her more obscure GAPA powers, she entered Moderation Space and started to signal the Black-Footed Ferret. “No, not this time,” an inner voice told her. Instead, she pinged the Zommer Vaycayshun.
I picked up a strange signal on the monitor above the wheel.
But I couldn’t attend to it now. We’d reached the front line. The fleets were screaming towards each other at enormous speeds.
I gave the helm to Fluffy and, snatching a fuel canister, rushed down to the port cannon, taking over from Deemo Elbunn.
I set the fuel canister to “SPACE” and gave it the triple coordinates of the core of Alpha Kokopelli. I then set it to a twenty-second activation countdown, quickly loaded it into the cannon, and fired.
It streaked directly towards the flank of a massive cheesy cruiser. Too late, I realized that the shields would deflect it- but even as I thought this, the canister passed through the shields and impacted in a blast of silver light. “What metal did the Editors use?” I wondered out loud. Then both cruiser and fuel vanished.
Alpha Kokopelli grew slightly brighter.
“We have two more to spare,” I yelled at the crew, then plunged through the gap in the cheesy fleet’s formation. On to wreak havoc.
“attack!”
98-No kidding.
half of the ships are destroed, cap’t!
The combined efforts of the Zommer and the Piites had destroyed half the fleet. The cheesies attempted to flee, but ten cruisers came out in a flanking action to cut them off. Relentless bombardment ensued.
A high, three-tone whine suddenly came over the speaker, along with lots of cheering. Oob X explained to me that that was the interplanetary signal for surrender. We’d beaten them!
She signaled a few more times. Still no reply. Now she was beginning to worry. But what could she do if she couldn’t even make contact? In the case of the Ferret, she had ready access. Finding the Zommer presented a different situation altogether. She’d never even been aboard.
“Okay, Rebecca, don’t panic. The Musiverse intertwines in many ways. And there’s one trick I haven’t tried.”
She inhaled deeply and paused at the entrance of Moderation Space. Then she leaped through.
yea!
to the pie war cap’t? or do you have another idea?
I opened my mouth to reply, but was interrupted by our former cook and current GAPA falling out of thin air and landing on top of me.
Oops, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Are you okay? With all the adventures you’ve survived, it would be a most unglamorous ending to be flattened by your former cook.
At least I appear to have found the right place. Though it seems I have missed the party. Looks like you’ve encountered an explosion of cheese dip.
Um, Lady Bunniful reporting for duty, sir.
I was about to give her a stern reprimand, but burst out laughing instead. It was extremely hard to remain angry at Lady Bunniful, especially as she’d come out of Moderation Space to help us.
“Thank you, Lasley. I’m fine. No, actually, the fun’s just beginning. We’re moving on to our home solar system now to liberate Museica and its extraterrestrial colonies from the Cheesies.”
Oob X invited me to land the Zommer Vaycayshun in the cargo bay of one of the cruisers. Since the Zommer was in need of a bit of refitting and maintenance, I accepted.
Yay! Victory! We have victory!
109- yes, but we need to defect them on earth to.
I have been in council with Oob X and the girl for bo, and we have decided that our first target is the donut mine on Europa. There are few cheesies there, but many human indentured workers whose terrible living conditions are notorious. They will be more than willing to help us defeat their overseers. Also, the mining colony is well supplied with food and weapons, and will serve as an excellent base to strike at the fuel-drilling outposts on Io and the algae farms on Callisto and Ganymede.
The cruisers’ tholiatomine drives are beginning to warm up. We are leaving the Alpha Kokopelli system.
At the moment, I’m tired. I’ll have whatever delicious dinner Kiwimuncher wants to cook up, and then go to bed. I’ll fix Lady Bunniful’s new position in the morning.
Are there any spots on the ship open for me? …Or am I even allowed on this thread?
113- there is, but you would be much happier if you went to the cronicles of museica, and started to bring it back for the dead.
but sure, come on board!
*sends telaporter.*
113- Several spots are open. There’s pie-gunner, boatswain, lookout, navigator and steersperson.
*telaports to ship* Excellent! So, we have just defeated a cheesie fleet, and we are now leaving the Alpha Kokopelli system to liberate Museica from the cheesies. Is that correct?
115- I think I’ll become the navigator.
116- right! to europa!
I turn the weel, and we are off!
117- good! now which way?
116- Correct. Our first target is a donut mining colony on Europa.
The cruisers have reached Saturn. We should be at Jupiter by tomorrow at the latest.
What’s for dinner?
121- Aaah, Saturn. It’s beautiful this close up.
We have reached Jupiter. We should be at Europa soon.
Suddenly greekgurl (after reading numerous posts) says “Anybody need a translator?” and proceeds to annoy everyone untill they give her a job
Thank you, IBCF. We are currently in orbit around Jupiter, concealed in its rings. Once we intersect with Europa’s orbit, we’ll fly out and attack.
125- We have passed Callisto and Ganymede. Europa should be coming up next.
According, to Captain Canix, we are now circling around Jupiter’s rings. I wouldn’t know because I am cooped up in the kitchen baking pies.
(127) Aww, kiwimuncher, you shouldn’t miss the scenery! If you trust me in your galley, I’ll spell you on the pies for a bit while you take a look.
Estimated contact in t-minus 175 minutes.
Lady Bunniful, are there any open positions aboard which you might desire?
(130) I am honored to serve wherever most needed, Captain.
I think the most needed position is steersperson. Aboard the Zommer Vaycayshun, you’ll be responsible for making sure the tholiatomine drive is running correctly in addition to steering the ship.
We are now close enough to Europa. We’re ready to leave the ring.
(132) Aye, aye, sir.
I’m good for it, so long as I’m not the one choosing the direction in which to steer….
Right. Rebecca, alter course three points to port and increase speed to about 8 EK (etherknots). Prepare to go into low polar orbit. Contact with cheesy base estimated in t-minus 3 minutes.
The cheesies are unaware of our presence. We should try to keep it that way until we land.
We’re entering orbit. Increase speed to 10 EK. Estimated time to contact t-minus 100 seconds.
We’ve landed! Hmm, this is a rather chilly moon.
We’re going to try to take the surveillance tower and cheesy base with minimal structural damage. Everyone in the raiding party should have a total of:
1 pie cutlass
1 pie flintlock
1 SR10
1 first-aid kit
1 large flask of water
1 small flask of unidentified substance (probably pie rum)
1 case of emergency rations
1 pressure suit
1 outer protective suit
1 helmet+oxygen tank
1 personal shield
139- I think I’ll stay onboard and protect the Zommer. Call me on the radio if you need any help; I know how to work the pie-guns.
139- got it, cap’t!
All right. This is a government installation, not a military one, so the base has an impact shield but no energetics shield. We can’t get through, but if we fire our SR10s at the generator and knock it out, we’ll be able to walk right up to the door. It would also be a good idea to take out the communications antenna so they can’t signal the main cheesy fleet for help.
well…I return to this thread! Drraft me! (although I think I was with PC.)
143- You were. Care to become lookout?
144-sure!, btw, whos secon mate now? I used to be second mate…
I’m not precisely sure. You can take over your old job if you want.
142- Okay. Let’s move out!
FIRE!
146-oh, wait, maybe i was lookoutish last time…Oh whatver I’ll be second mate. I can’t believe that the cheeseies are still being used! yay! Anyways, how many supplies do we have, captain?
oh, wait, nerbvermind the supplies part..I saw that post now!.I’ll join the raiding party!
They’re trying to send a distress signal. Take out the communications antenna!
OK everyone! I have just received news from Cheesy that his future cheesie kind is taking out there most famous weapon. Our surge ofk surprise is now officially over!
*splat*
Oops. Cheesy just freaked out. Apparently they are getting out there high voltage cheeseweb guns.I think that this is time for serious action!
*bends over Cheesy*
Cheesy, are you OK?
Bleep Bleepers Bleepen Bleep.
(I’m OK)
Cheeseweb guns? We need a party to sneak up behind and disable them. Any volunteers?
Bleepers Bleepy Bloop!
(I volunteer!)
Bleep Blllllllllllllllllllllleeeep Blop Bleepers BlEEp!
(The enemy cheesy race would never know what hit them!)
Sneak around and disable them. I’ll keep them occupied.
It was a few nerve-racking minutes before the guns fell. When we learned of Cheesy’s success, we stormed the gate and occupied the first three floors of the facility with little resistance.
Yes! Success!
157- *breaths again* Whew!
Now for the fourth floor. There are three elevators leading upward: we control them from the master circuit board on the ground floor. Nerdz_r00l will go up first in the maintenance elevator to cut the power. Kiwimuncher will ride Express Elevator 1 and come out in the hangar, where she will create a diversion by opening the door and letting IBCF and the Zommer Vaycayshun in. While IBCF and Kiwimuncher blast the bezonkers out of everything, I will go up EE2 and take the central command room.
160- Good plan, Prarilius. I love blasting the bezonkers out of everything.
I shall be gone for a few days. Just assume I carried out my portion of the plan.
Oh YES!
*blasts the bezonkers out of the enemy*
*Fires pie turrets, blows up cheesies, and basically makes a gooey mess of the hangar*
EE2 and Prarilius Canix, head for the central command room!
Bleep! Bleepery Bleepen!
(Yay! Victory is in sight!)
PC and EE2 head to the command room while everyone else atempts to clean up this cheesy mess. This cheese is surprisingly not the normal delicious cheesy gloop. The future cheesies have developed a nausiating and horrid concoction! Cheesy couldn’t stand the stench, so we gave him command of the watch. The poor guy was sickened by the future cheesy race!
Ew! Spoiled cheese! Anyone have a nose plug?
Here’s one!
*hands over the noseplug*
Hmmmmmmmmm. I need one too!
*plugs nose*
EE2 is Express Elevator 2, not a crew member. *sighs* Note to self: be specific in briefings.
In any case, we now have taken the entire cheesy base. Tomorrow, Europa’s orbit will bring it close to Io. We’ll attack the main coordinating base for the mining stations and take it under our control.
Awesome! I suppose that that menas that I shall have to make more pies!
I’d best get started! *get’s out a mixing bowl*
169- *pies self for being stupid*
Sweet! Can I fly the Zommer again for this mission?
172- Well, Lady Bunniful does the actual flying, but you tell her where to go. With luck, we won’t have to split up on this one.
Of course, if Ms. Bunniful doesn’t mind becoming navigator, you could swap jobs…
lol. I’ve been lurking.
I’d like to travel with an express elevator. They must be wonderful company. *sniggering*
Mr. (Andsuch), if you’re not off my ship in ten seconds, I will have you and your witticisms put out the airlock.
173- Oops. I didn’t read post #132.
Well, goodnight everyone. See you on Io tomorrow.
What’s happened while I’ve been gone?
177- We’ve destroyed a cheesy fleet, and have just taken a cheesy base on Europa. Now, we’re attacking the cheesies on Io.
Captain Canix! i have succeed in baking a rather large amount of pies! I think that we are ready for battle!
Fun!
179- Good timing. Europa is now at its closest to Io. We can take off, Rebecca.
Who-all’s on our lovely Ferret currently? Or are we still on the Zommer Vaycayshun? Has Rebecca come back? *cheers*
i think my crew died. . .
We have landed! start to throw, kiwimuncher!
Wow! I came back in the thick of the action!
*charges SR10*
*jumps on megascripsquirr*
BRING IT!
*pie attack*
*takes out tiny pie she’s hidden in her pocket* *slaps it hard* *larger pie emerges* Ha! *hurls pie* Take that!
Hahaha! Have a pie, you disgusting future cheesie! *pies disgusting future cheesie*
*SUPER PIE ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
Okay, we’ve pied them enough. The cheesies are starting to retreat to a fuel-drilling outpost.
TGFB is taking part of the fleet to lay siege to the outpost. We now have control of Io.
The algae farms on Callisto and Ganymede provide most of the resources for the extraterrestrial cheesy colonies. Those must be our next target.
SHIP’S LOG OF THE SEAHAWK
BREAKING NEWS
THE SEAHAWK CALLS ALL CREW MEMBERS TO THE SHIP. WE HAVE FINISHED RESTOCKING, AND IN FACT GREATLY MODIFYING AND IMPROVING THE SEAHAWK, AND SHE IS STRONGER THAN EVER.
We will sail out of port in seven minutes. We must again go upon the high seas on a great mission.
Here is the outline of our mission:
Mission #2 of the SeahawkSail south out of ICE port with the Seahawk and several other vessels of our fleet. Turn straight East and continue as straight as possible while steering around shadow.
Continue while turning towards the north. The rest of the mission will be outlined soon. I will make an announcement when we get to the last above descrived point.
ALL CREW MEMBERS OF THE SEAHAWK: PLEASE REPORT TO THE SHIP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. WE WILL BE LEAVING VERY SOON, AND YOU MAY BEAM ON IF YOU CANNOT MAKE IT BEFORE WE LEAVE.
Captain HAWK ?=}
Well, we are now heading toward our newest target. I suppose all that I have to do now is make some dinner……..
Eek! The cheesies seem to be retalliating!
BOOM!
*cheese bomb debree splatters everywhere*
A cheesie warship is orbiting Ganymede! Pull us away from it, Rebecca! *another cheese bomb hits ship* *everyone is knocked to the floor*
Red alert! Red alert! We are under fire! Impact shields at 20%, CFF’s almost down and we’re losing oxygen fast! Get us into the lee of Ganymede!
Ooooo! I know!
*grabs an exploding kiwi bomb pie*
*runs out on deck with a huge sling*
*throws pie at cheesies*
*ducks and covers*
*pie x 10000*
Port solar sail’s burst! We’re out of control!!
Mayday! Mayday!
We’re hurtling towards Ganymede! We’re going to crash!
Abandon ship!!!!
*closes eyes*
*jumps*
*opens eyes*
*screams*
‘Ullo saltwater.
Finally, I get to do something! (Being the coxswain and all, I get to steer the ship’s boat.) *gets into ship’s boat* Coming?
Get in!
Oops. Kiwimuncher seems to have jumped. Wait till everybody’s in, then catch her, Reaia.
The surface below is solid ice, with a few ugly black metal buildings pocking it. Those are the entrances to the underwater algae farms.
*hold breath*
Is everyone in?
I think so! *counts* yep!
Great! *dives down, catches kiwimuncher* There.
Get us as far away from the ship as possible. Nobody knows what will happen when the Editorial fuel hits rock-solid ice, but I’m willing to bet you don’t want to be near it.
Yes, sir!
*heads away at highest speed possible*
“KABLOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!” the fuel hit the rock, and started to run intill it hit something, namely, us. and the black-foot ferret/zommer vashian.
~~~
we landed back on museo, the editorial planet. the only person there at the time typed this on the computer:
that is what you get for going to the future“how did you know?
we are editors, we have to know things.Eh? What?
Ganymede will be destroyed, and the shock wave also will blow up Callisto. The rock and ice will react with our fuel in unprecedented ways. The future is clouded to us from that point onward. I am not sure that it bodes well.Please. Give us two more canisters. We’ll return and try to undo the damage we’ve done.
You cannot return to the moment of the explosion, but after about a day the clouds of quantum radiation which preclude time travel will begin to dissipate. We will send you there, or rather, then. Continue your campaign against the cheesies and solve any problems the explosion may have caused. We will bring you back as soon as the Queson* Imperium has been replaced with a new government and a fresher, brighter future. Do not fail us.*cheesy
What? Wait-
Farewell. And good luck.the editor moved his mouse on his Mac down to a little icon on the dock. a window opens up, with this writen in it:
were? jupiter
there was also a little screen and he then gave as a ship. he clicked send and we were went.when? 1000 year in the future
click to send.
Log of the Coxswain
The Editors have sent us back to after the ship exploded, so that we might fix the damage that was done. I feel a little bit out of my league, but surely I’ll get over it.
There is a rumbling outside. The Cheesies are attacking!
A sweeping cloud of silvery dust filled half the sky- presumably the energized remnants of Callisto and Ganymede. A small division of Queson ships was approaching through the other half. It didn’t look good.
bleep! Bleepers Bleep Bleepen! Bleep Blop Bloopers Bleepery Blop! Bleep bleep Bleep Bleeeeeeeeeep Bleeper Bleepen Bloop!
(I recognize this formation! I have a plan!)
Bloop bleep bleEP bleeper Bleepen blop!
(At the count of three, they will attack!)
Bleeperen Bloop bloop bleep!
(At that moment, we should fly our ship down at top speed!)
Blop Bleepy Bleepers bleepery Bleep!
(Then we should surge forward, throwing pies behind us!)
Bloopery Bleep Bloppers!
(That will put them off their guard enough that we can escape their main army’s force!)
Kiwimuncher interpreted our resident cheesy’s speech. I stroked my chin. “Good thinking. Implement the plan.”
It’s the countdown! 3…2…1…
Attack!
*fires cannons* Aha! A broadside! *fires again*
Fire! *destroys enemy ship*
Half the chesssies are down!
SHIP’S LOG OF THE SEAHAWK
*******¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡EXTREMELY IMPORTANT AND BREAKING NEWS OF THE SEAHAWK!!!!!!!!!!!********
THE CURRENT MISSION HAS BEEN ABORTED!!!!! THE SEAHAWK IS TURNING AROUND NOW AND RACING BACK TO MUSERLAND
AMMERIKAN IS CAUSING MORE TROUBLE IN SHADOW AND THE PROTECTION AND ASSISTANCE OF THE SEAHAWK AND HER CREW IS REQUIRED. WE SHALL SAIL SWIFTLY AND HOPEFULLY ARRIVE IN THREE DAYS TO THE SHADOW COAST!!!!!!! REPORT TO THE SHIP! WE SAIL SOUTH AND THEN WEST TO SHADOW!!!!
Captain HAWK ?=}
224- I think you’ve been misinformed. Plasma is the one under attack.
YES!
The plan has succeeded!
We should land on Europa to re-group.
*pulls out calculator, paper and thick stub of pencil: begins scribbling*
The Ganymede-Callisto cloud of quantum particles is, for some strange reason, going in the opposite direction to the solar wind. It will eventually blow through the asteroid belt. It’s possible that the cloud may cause an anomalous gravitational field, and that the asteroids will begin to collate into a planet What remains of its substance after passing through the asteroids will probably be sucked into Mars’s orbit and create a ring. Very little will continue on to Earth. Whew *wipes forehead, relieved*
We are nearing Europa and should be landing shortly.
227- It’s going against the solar wind? How could that be?
228- Don’t ask me. Not even the Editors know.
Whoah! Unexplained natural phenomena! Cool!
“Kites rise higher against the wind, not with it.”
Therefore, “Quantum particles blow faster against the solar wind, not with it,”
Oh. OK. That makes sense.
Well, we now control the solar system from Jupiter outward. Let’s capture some of that dust before it vanishes into Queson space.
233- Yes, sir! Capturing weird dust now! *captures weird dust*
We now have half a dozen jarfuls of the quantum dust. It moves and swirls constantly when the jar is still, but when the jar is shaken, it immediately becomes stationary. Perhaps these contrary physical properties are linked to its travel against the solar wind.
Let’s drop something in there and see what happens to it. A pebble?
235- Yes, sir! *drops pebble into jar and quickly closes lid*
It vanished!
It disappeared! Or did I already say that, and my post vanished by some extraordinary WordPress quirk?
I guess it did. Sorry about triple post.
Where could the pebble have gone? Perhaps the remaining particles of Editorial fuel propelled it into some far distant locale and epoch.
A mess of sticky orange jello-like substance squirts out of the jar.
Ick! What is this stuff?
And why does it look like citrus gluti???
I think it is citrus gluti. Dang. Let’s not do that again.
Citrus gluti? Whoah!
This dust sounds dangerous!
Citrus gluti is- was- manufactured on Blister Moon during our time. My theory is that each jar contains many particles of Editorial fuel. They are unfocused. But when something enters the jar, they all focus on a random place and time, opening a portal. It remains open for a short time before the particles randomize again. Someone got hit on the head with a pebble and retaliated with a handful of citrus gluti. I wonder who it was.
245- Perhaps we can find out where the particles focused.
246- They’ve all randomized again, so we can’t tell. But it’s probably in the vicinity of the PPP.
Let’s lock the jars in a padded safe. They’re dangerous.
Now we need to launch an assault on the asteroid belt and conquer it.
Sounds good to me! Let’s go!
PC, there is a cheesie warship protecting the asteroids, the same type that brought us down above Ganymede. We will have to get past it somehow if we want to take over their asteroid bases.
Actually, now that I think of it…
The asteroids will probably have been teleported all over the Musiverse by the comet cloud. Very few will remain in the belt. Any cheesies there will not pose much of a threat. I think the best course of action is to invade Mars.
250- Oh okay, nevermind. But there still is a cheesie warship.
251- It must have escaped the quantum cloud. We’ll have to shoot it down.
Take off, Rebecca. We’re finally leaving Jupiter.
Oh Hooray! We’re leaving Jupiter, the planet of spoiled future cheesies.
Mars, here we come!
We have left Jupiter’s rings and are heading straight for Mars. The only thing that stands in our way is the cheesie warship that escaped the quantum cloud.
Uh-oh. I don’t want to disappear . . . or turn into citrus gluti . . . oh great.
256- There’s no danger of that as long as you don’t touch the dust.
256- Don’t worry, the quantum cloud has passed by now…right, PC?
256- But if the ship touches the dust . . .
Oh wait. Forget it. I misread IBCF’s post is all.
Man the guns!
Oops. I meant to be replying to Canix, not me.
I feel curiously distant from this thread. I need to be more involved. I used to be.
now how to get rid of the battle ship…
We are almost to the asteroid belt. The warship will be in firing range at any second. Man the pie guns and try to explode the cheese bombs before they hit the ship.
eye, eye whatever!
*mans pie guns*
Aye Aye!
*BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM*
Take that you futuristic, smelly cheesies!
The quantum cloud should have formed a ring around Mars by now.
*fires pies at incoming cheese bombs* Too bad for your little bombs, you stinky excuses for diary products!
I am sorry to announce that I shall be leaving the Black-Footed Ferret. I find it difficult to keep up with the exploits of Canix and crew, especially with my limited internet time, and I often feel that there is not much I can say in response to our adventures. I have the highest hopes that we shall remain at least partially in touch.
If there is anyone who would care to join a ship, mine (as yet unchristened) will be launching tomorrow morning.
This is actually sort of painful in a weird way, since I’ve been with the Ferret since March, but I can’t do anything on this thread, and I think it’s time to branch out a little bit. As I have mentioned before, I hope that we will meet on the waters of the Museican sea some day.
May your larder always be stocked with pies,
May your aim always be true.
May your days be free of those lagomorphs pink,
And full of of lagomorphs blue.
Sincerely and regretfully,
Reaia, former coxswain of the Black-Footed ferret
267- Goodbye, Reaia!
267- A fine voyage to you. *snif*
Captain Reaia’s Log
Day 1 of the voyage of the Amphitrite, fair weather, cloudy with a strong wind from the east. We left land 4 hours ago.
I had a sudden idea. I loaded a jarful of quantum dust into our main cannon and fired it out at the cheesy warship. In a puff of silvery smoke, the vessel vanished.
On to Mars, then?
Sirs, the cheesie bombs are slowing down!
opps, 271 was not mrderated.
yes, On!
Hold on.
The ID number on the side of the cheesy warship we just battled was 1452735.
The one on the cheesy warship that shot us down over Ganymede was the same.
So the cheesy warship that we just hit with the dust was sent back in time and to Ganymede, shot us down, and got blown up in the explosion!
But we just shot it down… so that can’t be right…
*brain hurts*
*thinks*
Mars is approaching.
274- Wait, no–maybe when we just hit the warship with the dust it didn’t get sent to Ganymede. Maybe when Ganyemede exploded, the dust hit the warship first and the warship was sent here. And now we have no idea where the warship is.
277- Oops. It would seem I have made a grave tactical error.
278- Don’t worry, the Universe is a vast place. For all we know, the warship could have been sent millions light-years away from us and thousands of years into the future or the past. But we can’t worry about this now, we need to continue on to Mars. Be careful of the dust ring as we approach, Rebecca.
SIR! incomeing from the pie planet! It seems that there was he sound of a cheesie, and a warship. this is from our time!
280- Uh oh…
This comes with drastic measures! We ,must figure out a way to get rid of those cheesies once and for all! Perhaps we could go into light speed!
Bleep! Bleepery Bloop Bleepers Bleepen Bleep!
(No, but we could always take up the heat!”)
Whoah! You mean toast em?!
Blee-eepen! Bloop. Bleepery Bleep Bloop blop.
(Precisely, but I would appreciate it if you would refrigerate me first.)
Awesome! Now, to create a device that will melt those cheesies………..
Ohhh no. We can’t go back in time to defeat the cheesy warship, because then we won’t be able to come back to the future again. And Museica in our time doesn’t have the weaponry that the cheesy warship’s got, so…
*wild surmise*
*rushes in on Oob X*
I need all your ancient history books!
287- What do you need the acient history books for?
*deep breath*
And I quote…
“The Imperium was founded after the Queso-Museican War, a conflict that took place approximately 1000 years ago and is still a subject of much debate. Sources more or less agree that a Queson warship appeared from nowhere above the surface of the Pieceful Pie Planet, although this may be legend. The Piites were taken completely by surprise and outclassed in armament, but might have won were it not for the pivotal Battle of the Carrotscraper. The Featherian capital was conquered quickly, and the Tupisodaloric Groves and Canardquisouritstan fell a bit later. Armed with weaponry made from the nearly indestructible metal fudgium, the first Quesons went on to engulf Museworld. Museica and Muserland were recovering from a devastating war with the pierate Ammerikan, and the Flavor Continent was still in turmoil despite the recent peace treaty. They and the Dornavenkian Empire offered valiant resistance but were eventually taken by… ”
Do you realize what this means? If we return to our own time, we can warn TMFA, and he can set up a stronger, more prepared defense around the Carrotscraper. We can change history and create a future in which the Cheesies never took over!
yes! I’m calling him!
the call will be on the PPP theard.
as the phone rings, an odd wave of light hits the ship. as I look at the moons in the veiw finder, I see there back. I pick up the phone
“TMFA! we’ve won! and it is cleaned up, with out us doing a thing!”
I stare out into space. the world has changed. it looks diffrent. then I grab that book that the captian was looking at. I turn around:
“IBCF! Captain Canix! listen:
“about a 1000 years ago, an ship of quesn appered over the pie planet, but with the heat beams on the carrotscraper, it was defeted!”
we can go back to the musevrise now.
I say, NEW THEARD! new adventure!
I look around. The Piite fleet is nowhere to be seen. There’s no reason for it to be around any longer- Oob X and TGFB are probably living happy lives on the PPP.
Then a blast of silver light blinds me, and we find ourselves on Museo.
the editor types this:
good job. the world is back in balance. please go back to museica. we will make may and june issues, not just a may/june issue for your work!we head out, and start to museica. the world had been saved. we zipped past beta and alpha kokopelli, and head into our world. I ask Captian Canix what’s next.
“I’m retiring.”
“huh?”
“I’ve sailed through the Stormbelt, changed history, and dueled a giant crab pierate captain while armed with nothing more than a stale chocolate donut. I’m getting too old for this stuff, and I figured that some of you younger sailors ought to have a chance at captaincy.”
“but sir!,” I said, looking at the hair that always scared me “you can’t go! who would take the ship?!”
300th post!
“but, but, but, I can’t think of the black-footted ferret with out you! plase stay!”
Thanks to whichever OEAD granted my wish.
“It’s very flattering to hear this, but I have made up my mind. It only remains now to choose a successor. You seem like a likely choice, but on the other hand, Kiwimuncher has seniority. Lady Bunniful’s too busy. Reaia’s gone.”
“sir, kiwimuncher might be a good first mate.”
“She would, wouldn’t she?”
I suppose leaving was only the first step in forgetting, wasn’t it? Which really sucks, because I love Ships’ Logs. I need a mission. And a crew. Which comes first, mission or crew? Mission. Once I have one, it’ll be easier to get a crew. Everyone likes a cause.
Wow. Canix is leaving the Black-Footed Ferret? Shocking.
So who is going to be captain? I think it should be TMFA. And we need a new thread.
Who will be the new captain? What pursuits await Captain Canix in retirement? Whither the Amphitrite? Tune in to Part 10 to find out.