Quotations, 2009.1
Continued from Quotations, 2007.1. (Wow, we skipped a whole year!)
Date: February 7, 2009
Categories: Nonrandom Craziness, The Universe
Friday, 26 April 2024
Life, the universe, pies, hot-pink bunnies, world domination, and everything
Continued from Quotations, 2007.1. (Wow, we skipped a whole year!)
Date: February 7, 2009
Categories: Nonrandom Craziness, The Universe
“Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.”
Albert Einstein.
Second post?
“We interrupt this program to annoy you, and make things generally irritating.”
-Monty Python (I think)
“To perceive is to suffer.”
-Aristotle
For fun I read last words on wikiquote…here is one of my favorites
Je vais ou je vas mourir, l’un et l’autre se dit ou se disent.
Translation : I am about to — or I am going to — die: either expression is correct.
-Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian
Famous last words are fun. What would you like yours to be? (Here’s mine: “Wheeeee!”)
“What did she say?”
“She hit me on the head with the rock again.”
“I think I can confirm that that was my daughter.”
“Sweet kid.”
“You have to get to know her,” said Arthur.
“She eases up, does she?”
“No,” said Arthur, “but you get a better sense of when to duck.”
-Mostly Harmless
4: Here’s mine: “Never ever evereverever trust a health textbook.” Or: “When I get to heaven, I’ll grab the halos off of the angels and play ring toss with them.”
Whee quotations!
“We will go quietly, meekly, to the end of the world, if only you allow us to believe that buying low energy lightbulbs will save us.”
—As the World Burns: 50 Simple Things you can do to Stay in Denial, by Derrick Jensen and Stephanie McMillan
“Mr. President, aliens have landed and they want to see you.”
“From Mexico?”
“From outer space, sir.”
“Do they have documents?”
“I don’t understand, sir.”
“Are they illegals?”
“I don’t think immigration policies apply here, sir.”
—As the World Burns: 50 Simple Things you can do to Stay in Denial, by Derrick Jensen and Stephanie McMillan
“They’re from outer space, sir. They’ve come to eat our planet.”
“Is that legal?”
—As the World Burns: 50 Simple Things you can do to Stay in Denial, by Derrick Jensen and Stephanie McMillan
“‘Any last words?‘
YES. I DON’T WANT TO GO.’
-Death and Death, Reaper Man
Terry Pratchett
8-Oh, anything Pratchett writes is quotable.
“There’s no justice.”
NO. THERE’S JUST ME.
-nearly every Discworld book, by Terry Pratchett
4 – “The end”.
4- Hmmm. “Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough.”-Groucho Marx. Not that I mean offense to you. Just quoting.
11– That was actually Karl Marx. His last words were “Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough!” spoken to his housekeeper
Groucho Marx’s last words: “Die, my dear? Why, that’s the last thing I’ll do!
My grandma has a sign on her back window that says “Old age and treachery will eventually overcome youth and talent.”
I’m also fond of the saying “As you slide down the banister of life may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.”
But I suppose those aren’t really quotes……hmm. Do quotes from conversations with friends count? If so:
“Seriously, when the walls start talking, go to sleep.”
“Now that’s just mean, ya little zit!”
and (over text messages)
Friend: “I’m just being lazy”
me:” *singing* “If you’re lazy and you know it clap your hands……” ”
friend: “*claps lethargically*”
I’ll go find some real quotes later…….right now I’m the one being lazy.
“We can prove it’s true, all we need is evidence.”
“I’m NOT in denial! I’m not! I’m not!”
(Both from my friend.)
If you can’t shut up, don’t say anything at all
– Me, accidentally
“The duke’s mind was like a clock. And like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.” -Wyrd Sisters, by Terry Pratchett
“On my income tax [insert numbers and letters I can’t remember, something like 1040A] there was a box that said ‘Check here if you are blind.’ I wanted to put a check about three inches away.”
-Tom Lehrer
“I wonder what the normal people are doing?”
-Grady, a friend
“I have a suspicion, here in my head
It twinges, yet verily:
Were I to meet my sameself one,
I’d there meet an enemy.
It stands to reason then, my friend,
I’d take up my sword of wit –
For I’d take to war before I let
Him win, as it were writ.
I’d hack hack hack and hack away,
Have at thee, one of mine!
And when we’re through, we’ve only found
I bleed not blood but brine.
There I stand, dazzled and stunned,
My wit-sword there at hand,
I see myself on an empty coast
But slashing scars in the sand.”
-Me
I actually just wrote that last one this morning for my status on a whim. It’s pretty rough – any help?
(truth be told this is on the wrong thread, but any help anyway?)
/gradster(1)/ – Secretary of Bureaucracy of the ASAP
Ooh ! I love this thread. Incidentally, I collect quotes. I’ll find go get my notebook…
Here are some:
Das was wir sind, wird nie zu wenig sein…=
What we are will never be insufficient.
Mondscheiner (from a German pop song)
Es ist besser, gelegentlich betrogen zu werden, als niemanden mehr zu vertrauen. =
It’s better to be betrayed occasionally than to not trust anyone
anymore.
Astrid Lindgren (an author of some of my favorite german books when I was 7)
Life is to important to be taken seriously.
and
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Oscar Wilde
No-one escapes their true self.
Garfield
God has no religion.
Mahatma Gandhi
Who laughs last doesn’t get the joke.
(I dunno who said this, I heard it from a friend)
I love it when someone insults me. It means I don’t have to be nice anymore.
Billy Idol
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Winston Churchhill
Omnia vincit amor.
Vergil
Enough…
These all come from Bill Peterson, the former football coach of florida State.
– “Dammit, I want you all to line up in a circle, alphabetically by height. Is that too hard for you?”
-“What the **** do you think I am, some kind of geologist?
(when asked by one of his players what the weather would be like.)
– “Man, Gary Andersen is a great kicker. He ceases to amaze me every day!”
“Ugh! You’re all like ‘It’s my birthday! And I’ve got ice cream! But you can’t have none!'”- Cariann from Spacevidcast.
“Our first program was called Mercury, because we wanted to get into space fast and Mercury was the god of speed. Gemini were the twins, because the capsule carried two people. Apollo was the god of genius, because that’s what it took to land on the moon. Space shuttle was the Roman god of orbiters.” -Joe, my group’s Space Academy councilor.
“Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love.â€
–Hamlet, Act II, Scene ii
“I’m not a pessimist–I see the glass half full. Of poison.”
–Woody Allen, Scoop
“I’ve always believed that procrastination gives you something to look forward to.”
–My friend, who went on to flunk high school and join the Marines
12-ahhh. woops. eh heh heh.
…he had the world view of a concussed duckling…
-Interesting Times, Terry Pratchett, in regards to Leonard of Quirm
“I don’t feel good.”
-Luther Burbank’s last words
And now for something completely different.
-Monty Python, obviously
look at my name…run!
so, my problem is that I hear quotes, but I often miss the attributions, so please forgive me. on that note…
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
“If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?”
“He who laughs last thinks slowest”
“All generalizations are false.”
“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.”
“Work is for people who don’t know how to fish”
“The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.”
“I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.”
“Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.”
“It’s as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.”
“I Brake For No Apparent Reason.” (Bumper sticker)
“When there’s a will, I want to be in it!”
“Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!”
“According to my calculations the problem doesn’t exist.”
“Give me ambiguity or give me something else.”
“We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?”
“Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.”
“Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.”
“Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.”
“Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?”
“Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.”
“I like you, but I wouldn’t want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.”
“I is a college student.”
“Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.”
“I’m out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?”
[“You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!â€
– The Princess Bride
“Inconceivableâ€
– The Princess Bride
“I do not think that word means what you think it means.â€
– The Princess Bride
“Anybody want a peanut?â€
– The Princess Bride
“Why don’t you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice in it?â€
– The Princess Bride
“My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.â€
“Stop saying that!â€
– The Princess Bride
“What gate key?â€
“Fezzik, rip his arms off.â€
“Oh, you mean this gate key.â€
– The Princess Bride
We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.
IT’S NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED
“Violence is not the answer. It is the question and the answer is yes.”
It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. – Robert Bloch
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils … – Louis Hector Berlioz
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. – Maryon Pearson
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s just that yours is stupid.
Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn’t find anyone to copy it from.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
–A. Whitney Brown
“Books serve to show a man that those original thoughts of his aren’t so new after all.”
Abraham Lincoln
“I find TV to be very educational. Every time someone turns on a set, I go into another room and read a book.”
Groucho Marx
That’s enough for now! Be back later!
My last words: “******, I can’t sing!” or “I said, bring me the computer!”
“Death: the number one killer in America. Tell your friends.” -no idea
“No! It can’t end like this! Tell them I said something!”-last words of Pancho Via
“They couldn’t hit an elephant from this dist-“-last words of a guy I can’t remember
“The paper boat drifted across the lake exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.” -from the Worst Metaphors Written by a High School Student list
27- The last one is actually pretty good, assuming it was intended to be funny.
27–Yeah, I agree with 28. Reminds me of HHG2tG!
All of us are crazy in one way or another–Yiddish proverb.
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent–Eleanor Roosevelt
Asante sana squash banana we we ndugu, mi mi apana–Rafiki from The Lion King.
It’s almost too much fun to go around school humming that last one.
My math teacher:
“Coterminal angles. Like Romeo and Juliet, they end in the same place.”
“Would you rather be in Del Monte math?”
“Del Monte math?”
“Yeah… the mixed vegetables.”
(That was actually mean.)
xkcd:
Pretty much everything Randall Munroe says.
From the movie Apollo 13:
Lovell: I think I should mention that, uh, with flying into space and all, I forgot to pay my income taxes.
Some flight controller guy: He’s not kidding! They’ll get him for that!
Anyone can rat, but it takes a certain amount of inginuity to double-rat-Winston Churchill
(27) The “elephant” quotation was by Major General John Sedgwick (1813-1864), killed by a sharpshooter at Spotsylvania Court House in Virginia during the American Civil War.
27- But bowling balls DO float! That’s why you can roll a kayak with them!
(34) Light bowling balls float, but heavy ones sink. A Google search told me that bowling balls have to be between 8.5 inches and 8.95 inches in diameter. If you convert to metric units and calculate the volume, you can find out how heavy a bowling ball has to be to sink (density > 1 gram per cubic centimeter). Even for a big one, it’s less than the 16-pound regulation limit.
You have the right not to remain silent
-ACLU slogan
“When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hold on.”
-Eleanor Roosevelt
27, 28, 29-The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.
-HG2G
A favorite Winston Churchill quote, sort of. From Family guy.
STEWIE: Oh look, there’s Winston Churchill! Maybe we’ll get an up close look at his legendary wit!
WOMAN: Oh, Winston, drunk again, are we?
CHURCHILL: Yeah, well you’re a fat b****!
STEWIE: Well, it looks like history whittled it down to the gems.
But sometimes I stand on the rooftop of my existence, arms stretched out, begging for more.
-Getting the Girl by Markus Zusak
Oh, if you’re interested in last words read Looking for Alaska, AKA the most amazing teen book written by the most made of awesome teen writer recently. DFTBA.
=D =D =D =D =D =D =D
i read that book in my pants!!!!
Wow. We haven’t had a single T.S. Eliot quote? I guess I’ll give one, then. “Do I dare disturb the universe?” –from “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”. That’s possibly his most famous quote. It’s used a lot in The Chocolate War.
“I should be allowed to shoot my mouth off, i should have a call in show.” ~ They Might Be Giants
Oh, and last words. My friends and I have decided that good last words/phrases would be one of the following :
~ LLAMA!
~I have something important to tell you… (trails off. croaks)
41-“I should be allowed to blurt the merest idea, if by random whim one ocurrs to me”
*pies*
25~ “Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.” I swear that I’ve seen that in a word problem in my current math textbook. *backs away slowly* That’s frightening.
44–That is frightening.
Have you heard about the Buddhist who went to the hot dog stand? He said, “Make me one with everything.”
(That’s the first half of the joke.)
He got his hot dog and handed over a $20 bill and waited, and waited. Finally he said, “Don’t I get any change?” The hot dog vendor smiled and said, “Change must come from within.”
(This really belonged on the Jokes and Riddles thread, but you were talking about change…)
46–I’ve heard that, or at least the first part….’Twas summer of ’02 on a choir tour in Oregon. I have the most detailed memories of the strangest things….
45~ It was a really stupid word problem too. I hate HATE HATE word problems.
48–I think we all hate word problems. They are nasty, miserable pieces of garbage designed to trip up perfectly competent students.
“All is for the best in this best of all possible worlds.”
-Voltaire, from the book Candid (spelling ???).
I love this one because it’s meant ironically, but hard to object to.
49~ Precisely.
“It is a narrow mind that can spell a word only one way.” (can’t remember who said that, but I love them, whoever it was.)
“And all of this pales to utter insignificance in light of the fact that my ship is once again gone, savvy?”
30-xkcd! If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put your sister and I together.
Before you talk to me I should warn you, I am kind of strange.
Everything is a once in a lifetime experience.
Take your love everywhere you go.
Of course, POC
“Me? I’m dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It’s the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they’re going to do something incredibly… stupid. ”
And I need to watch the third one again, because there’re about a million more
Another favorite:
“We are not retreating, we are simply advancing in the opposite direction!”
When asked on his deathbed to forswear satan, voltaire responded:”this is no time to make a new enemy.”
54- What is that from? I know I’ve read it, but I can’t remember where.
“Stay away from women boys, you’re safer ’round Cape Horn!” ~ From the song “New York Girls” (the less risque version….)
“I used to hear voices in my head but the doctor made them go away. I’m so lonely now, will you be my friend?” ~ Arising from a conversation in the car at 11PM with several of my friends
“Obey gravity. It’s the law.” ~ A t-shirt that I very want very muchly.
“So he wasn’t always…..tentically?” ~ Jack Sparrow, POC
“I gotta jar of dirt, I gotta jar of dirt, and guess what’s inside it?” ~ Same as above
“There are few people who derive as much pleasure as I do, and, had I ever learnt, I should have been a true proficient.” ~Lady Catherine BeBurgh from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice
“Marry, sir, such claim as you would lay to your horse; and she would have me as a beast: not that, I being a beast, she would have me; but that she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.” Dromio of Syracuse from Shakespeare’s The Comedy of Errors Act III Scene 1
“Aye-there again–taste! Zounds! Madam you had no taste when you married me!” ~Sir Peter from Richard Brinsley Sheridan’s The School for Scandal Act II Scene 1
“Parting with him! Why, that’s the whole scheme and intention of all marriage articles. The comfortable estate of widowhood is the only hope that keeps up a wife’s spirits. Where is the woman who would scruple to be a wife, if she had it in her power to be a widow whenever she pleased? If you have any views of this sort, Polly, I shall think the match no so very unreasonable.” ~ Mr. Peachum (addressing his daughter Polly after her secret marriage to MacHeath) From The Beggar’s Opera by John Gay. (Act I Scene X)
“Is there any power, and force that could tear me form thee? You might sooner tear a pension from the hands of a courtier, a fee from a lawyer, a pretty woman from a looking glass, or any woman from a quadrille. But to tear me from the is impossible!” ~ MacHeath from John Gay’s The Beggar’s Opera (Act I Scene XIII)
I’m jumping for joy at how many quote-addicts there seem to be in the world. I am not alone…
Ahem.
“Follow your own star; society’s is getting crowded.” – Me!
“Never judge a person until you have walked two miles in his shoes. That way, when you do judge them, you’ll be two miles away, and you’ll have his shoes.”
Our new incentive plan: Work or you’re fired. – Seen on a sign in my camp office.
“On a scale of 1 to crazy, I’m PENGUIN!” – Facebook Flair
“I’m not stupid. I look stupid, but I’m not stupid.” – My biology teacher.
“You really should have a clean house at home before you start picking at the way the neighbor does the dusting.”
-Trickster’s Choice by Tamora Pierce
“Someday I must read this scholar everybody. He seems to have written so much – all of it wrong.”
-Emperor Mage by Tamora Pierce
“Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.”
“Not all who wander are lost.” – JRR Tolkien
“God is subtle, but not malicious.” – Albert Einstein
Speak well of your enemies, sir, for you made them.” – Oren Arnold
TTFN – Ta Ta For Now! (Bouncy trouncy flouncy pouncy fun fun fun fun fun… if you understood that, get a hobby!)
Toodles!
“Phelim had always thought that there must be more to magic than rabbits of handerkerchiefs–that if it existed at all, it would be too large to palm or to hide up your sleeve. If it existed, it would be something too serious for a laugh and a clap, too scary to carry about in a trunk.”
The Stones Are Hatching, by Geraldine McCaughrean
Did someone mention rabbits? Handkerchiefs?
I would need to die several times, but my last words would be:
“That thing was sharper than it looked!”
“Ouch.”
“the end.”
“I wonder if I can bribe God with cookies…”
and similarly inane thoughts.
60–eek!!!!!!!! (very cute, by the way)
“Tell me your flippin’ computer password or I’m going to send my flippin’ ninjas to your flippin’ house.” -My brother, imitating Dr. Evil.
“Where the ocean meets the sky, I’ll be sailing…”
-Rhythm of my heart, Rod Stewart
It’s more of a goal in life than something to think about, though.
Here are some on my english book; They’re inscriptions on graves:
“Here lies John Aikle, age 102. Only the good die young.”
“Here lies Jonathan Blake,
stepped on the gas,
instead of the brake”
“I told you I was sick !”
“Here is someone. Who, is none of your business.”
“Here lies an atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.”
Somehow this thread is very death-themed…
A funny video of famous last words:
http: //www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/9638
Last words of my uncle alan (who isn’t really my uncle, just a good family friend) during a stroke that killed him:
“Dammit! The hospital! I don’t need to go to the f****** hospital, I’m fine, f*** it!”
Bittersweet, but still funny.
54/56- Pirates of the Caribbean. The first one, I believe.
58- “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. Those who can’t teach, teach gym.” That’s how I learned it.
“Nah, I wasn’t dropped on my head when I was little. I was born that way!”- Me
“BOOM!”
-Otis Amber, The Westing Game
i remember i was in LOVE with that book when i read it years ago, but i dont remember it now! D:
60 – Oh my goodness. That is going to appear in my dreams tonight. Bunnies appear as handkerchiefs and are whisked away and turned inside out into bouquets of flowers, then are pulled into ribbons and vanish with a snap. I think I’ll go hide in a vanishing cabinet.
67- Yes! Thank you!
“Oh I can take them down. I have a pack of ninja squirrels for that!” ~ via text message
“Hmm…..that’s amazing. I wonder why I never noticed it before?……I’ve never used the left hand shift key while typing…..how odd.” ~ Me, 6.3 seconds ago
“Mom, put that down, it is not a tambourine! What the –? Where’d this fork come from?” ~fear the muffins
“BANG THEY HEAD HERE”~ Written on a low ceiling at Jamestown (staff only area, of course)
“Odd behavior, weird costumes, I MUST BE AT WORK AGAIN.” ~Same as above, only on a bumper sticker
“I think the hat’s gonna have to go….”~ Me, addressing a guy in a very tall hat (he was in Polish military uniform from the 1600s) trying to stand up belowdecks on a ship
“Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded….” ~Some random magnet
Nerdy love declarations:
“I wish that was your derivative, so that I could lie tangent to your curves.”
“I wish you were DNA and I were a helicase so I could unzip your genes.”
And my favorite V for Vendetta quote, between V the main character, and Evey, a girl he’s just rescued from being mugged:
V: [Evey pulls out her mace] I can assure you I mean you no harm.
Evey Hammond: Who are you?
V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what and what I am is a man in a mask.
Evey Hammond: Well I can see that.
V: Of course you can. I’m not questioning your powers of observation; I’m merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.
Evey Hammond: Oh. Right.
V: But on this most auspicious of nights, permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace sobriquet, to suggest the character of this dramatis persona.
Voilà ! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
[carves V into poster on wall]
V: The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.
[giggles]
Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.
Evey Hammond: Are you like a crazy person?
V: I am quite sure they will say so. But to whom, might I ask, am I speaking with?
Evey Hammond: I’m Evey.
V: Evey? E-V. Of course you are.
Evey Hammond: What does that mean?
V: It means that I, like God, do not play with dice and I don’t believe in coincidences.
I was reading a HP fanfic and came on this:
I’ve yet to see a problem that can’t be solved by a few hundred pounds of explosives.
How great is that???
It sounds like something Jayne from “Firefly” would say.
Said by George Weasley, obviously. Who other people (in the HP world) would say that, other than the twins?
74–what fanfic? I almost think I read it…..it sounds vaguely familiar. It wasn’t where Harry was some maniac who wanted to bomb Hogwarts (he was stressed), was it?
76–nevermind, not the one I was thinking of. Not to say I haven’t read it, but….
“Let them hate me if only they respect me.”-Caligua
It’s what I’m trying to get from my classmates. On a good note, my ex-BF did talk to me yesterday- if only to cheat on the latin test.
“I’ve seen things you wouldn’t believe!”
“Try me.”
“Mummies!”
“I’ve met ghosts.”
“Robots! Lots of robots!”
“Slitheen! In Downing Street!”
“Daleks!”
“Met the Emperor.”
“Anti-matter monsters!”
“Gas mask zombies!”
“Real living dinosaurs!”
“Real living werewolf!”
“The Loch! Ness! Monster!”
“Seriously?”
– Guess!
Is that from a song?
81 – No, it’s from a TV show.
“I’m 95% sure that he’s probably the guy.”
-Adrian Monk, TV character on a very good Detective-Crime show
Ooh! famous last words, its fun to brainstorm those!
” Thats not a violin!”
“Nice doggy…”
“So you pull the pin and count to what?”
I’m collecting stupid quotes from my bio teacher. A few of my current favories are:
“Down, down, down, down, fire, fire!”
“Look at my magic fingers!”
and
“Only 3rd period has children. Look at all the children forming!”
84–Erm…do I want to know the context in which those were delivered?
My favorite real-life quote right now:
(Talking to two idiots in my art class)
Them: Why are the clouds in your painting pink?
Me: It’s dawn.
Them: But clouds aren’t pink.
Me: (getting irritated) It’s artistic licence.
Them: Oh.
*pause*
Them: Wait…do you have to take a class to get that?
Me: *snort*
aahhahahah oh my….people are not smart……=[
85– They actually said that? And in seriousness, not joking? That’s……sad.
My chemistry teacher is funny to:
After the Christmas vacation:
“Since I haven’t heard of any explosions in the city, I assume you’re all present.”
My friend’s teacher (I’m not sure what class) was talking about the stimulus bill in his class this last week. He started off with, “The size of Obama’s package is astounding.”
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahaaahahaha
85 – No. You probably don’t. New quote from the bio teacher: “Be careful, there are no bears.”
My Psych teacher from highschool: “It’s a tiny moo world out there.”
“Tiny moo”? What does that mean?
91 – It had to do with a children’s book that he’d just shown us, which featured a character named Tiny Moo.
85–I know. These are the same two boys who gave themselves mustaches when they were using charcoal (I will admit, though, my art class is a lot more entertaining with these two around).
93–Yes, it certainly does sound entertaining!
Some more last words:
“Llama… llama… du–” *dies*
“Come here, I have to tell you something before I die.” *pause* “****, I forgot it.” *dies*
“Poisoned? Who would poison a–” *dies*
“He has killed me, mother. Run away, I pray you!” *dies* (from Macbeth- Macduff’s son’s death scene)
80- Dr. Who?
“This is how you make dinosaurs?” “No. This is how you play God.”
80 is most definately Dr Who. I just saw the episode with the Slitheen.
“It’s a party, there’s donuts!” -My sunday school teacher.
Subsequently we had a lengthy conversation about the appropriate spelling of doughnut. Any opinions?
Yes, post 80 is from Doctor Who. Dialogue between Rose Tyler and Sarah Jane Smith, in the episode School Reunion.
Ahem.
“If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.” – Albert Einstein
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
All roses have thorns. You don’t pay attention to them until they make you bleed.
Look like the flower but be the serpent beneath it. – Lady Macbeth
“Only two things are infinite; the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” – Albert Einstein
“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”
– John Lennon
“Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.” Mark Twain
“Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.” Leslie Nielson
“A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or the others crazy?” Albert Einstein
I only go to work on days that don’t end in a ‘Y’. – Robert Paul
“The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.” George Carlin
“A synonym is the word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.” Burt Bacharach
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
“I think, therefore I get a head ache.”
“Who is the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?”
Obi Wan Kenobi
“Seen it all, done it all, cant remember most of it.”
More later!
TTFN!
You mother and I married to have a child. Imagine our surprise when you came along.
Groucho Marx.
It is better to be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Someone.
Me again! (obviously)
“Human beings are the only creatures who allow their children to come back home” Bill Cosby
“I keep getting the same answering machine!” a friend
“You can’t have everything, where would you put it?”
“Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable we have to alter it every six months.” Oscar Wilde
“Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more.” Oscar Wilde
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Quotes are my life!
101) That’s actually from some latin philosopher. I just can’t remember who.
101- I think it was Thomas Jefferson. Or maybe Ben Franklin. But I’m thinkin TJ.
101- B… b-benjamin Franklin? *hesitates*
SFTDP.
A Google search is proving me/everyone else before me wrong, claiming that it could be from a number of different origins, the oldest probably being the Bible. Interesting.
The Biblical source was Proverbs 17:28: “Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.” That might have been the inspiration for the saying, but it’s not how it is most often cited nowadays. Some people attribute it to Abraham Lincoln, and some say that Lincoln was quoting someone named Silvan Engel. Some say it goes back to Confucius. It looks to me like a case of “origin obscure.”
74 – That is wonderful.
“The technique of coating a food in a sugar-based glaze has been practiced in China since… Idunno, since Confucius was a kid.”
108- In China, some stores sell “genuine American fortune cookies.” I read a very interesting article in Reader’s Digest about how what we call “Chinese food” really has very little to do with what they eat in China.
109–Seriously. Panda Express, for example. It’s like eating hot plastic. Bleah.
110–I wouldn’t know–I’ve never eaten hot plastic.
109-Indeed, often it doesn’t.
Me: The first seven astronauts all got gold Corvettes.
My brother: Do they still do that now?
Me: No.
My brother: Good, because Corvettes suck!
A junior Disaster Area accountant, visiting the shipyard where this ship was being constructed, had demanded to know of the works foreman why the hell they were fitting an extremely expensive teleport into a ship which only had one important journey to make, and that unmanned. The foreman had explained that the teleport was available at a ten percent discount and the accountant had explained that this was immaterial; the foreman had explained that it was the finest, most powerful and sophisticated teleport that money could buy and the accountant had explained that the money did not wish- ah, **** it, I’ll type it up later.
i (or, my brother, actually) have a big book of Terry Pratchett quotes.
“‘if i had a dollar for every copper’s funeral i’ve attended up here,’ said Colon, “i’d have… 19 dollars and 50 pence.’
’50 pence?’ said Nobby.
‘that was that time when corporal Hildebiddle woke up just in time and banged on the lid,’ said Colon.
sorry, 115 was from Terry Pratchett, Night Watch.
“the rumor spread through the city like wildfire (which had quite often spread through Ankh-Morpork since its citizens had learned the words ‘fire insurance’)”
Terry Pratchett, The Truth
“MISTRESS WEATHERWAX? said Death from the doorway.
‘yes, sir?’
I HAVE TO KNOW. WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF I HAD NOT… LOST?
‘At the cards, you mean?’
YES. WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?
Granny laid the baby down carefully down on the straw and smiled.
‘well,’ she said, ‘for a start… i’d have broken your bloody arm.'”
Terry Pratchett, Maskerade
“NO ONE IS TO STONE ANYONE UNTIL I BLOW THIS WHISTLE!”
“Then the ninth hole – you moved your ball!” “Frankie, it was on the cart path! Why don’t you try reading the rules, shankopotamus?”
“Yeah, it was a kinda ‘S__t, that was stupid’ moment.”
I DO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS, BUT I’VE BEEN SWORN TO SECRECY. ~ A random bumper sticker
“Just say ‘NO’ to negativity!” ~ Another random bumper sticker
“My best friends are the neighborhood squirrels, whom are actually shaved pomeranians.”
Sami, (nice girl who sits in front of me in CORE) with a rather demonic smile upon her face.
118- Dear oh dear, I have had way too many of those lately.
119- Heeheehee…I actually considered my pomeranians to be baby bears on steroids, but to each is own. They all look the same shaved.
I WILL NOT OBSESS!
I WILL NOT OBSESS!
I WILL NOT OBSESS!
I WILL NOT OBSESS!
I WILL NOT OBSESS!
I WILL NOT OBSESS!
“You do know there’s an OCEAN between here and Germany, right?” – Space Place Live.
122-random point: one time, for the heck of it, I searched for directions on how to get from east coast US to Tel Aviv. It told me to drive to the beach, swim across the Atlantic Ocean. and drive across Germany. Funny thing was, it was so normal looking until you got to the swim part, that you didn’t expect it and started laughing so hard….
“Athletes cause the problems, academics try (often unsuccessfully) to solve the problems, and artists get paid to satirize the problem.” ~ my friend
“Here are my tax dollars coming to arrest me.”
– Riley Poole
sorry but i watched national treasure 2 last night.
“everyone is behind us except for the people in front of us”
– my friend mallory
120- pomeranians freak me out. i was jogging in the park and one came out of a camper and attacked my leg. scary…
125- I haven’t seen the sequel, but I LOVE the original.
“Ben, the mean… archives lady is… following you.”
126- The original is wayyy better.
Haha, my favorite quote from the Chronicles of Narnia (PC):
“That’s the worst of girls,” said Edmund to Peter and the Dwarf. “They never keep a map in their heads.”
“That’s because our heads have something inside them,” said Lucy.
Wow. I didn’t even have to look at the book. But still: *checks* oh, I just got one tiny bit wrong. *fixes*
51- It was Andrew Jackson, I think.
You just asked for quotes from the person who has a seven-page text file full of them. Was that the best of ideas? None of them have attribution, and a few of them have been posted before on this thread. Sorry about that.
Nothing is decided
Ham and Eggs- a days work for the chicken, but a lifetime of commitment for the pig.
Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now bluish-green meat? THAT’S bad for you.
Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic – Fear of long words.
Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, Where the heck is the ceiling?
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
STRESSED is DESSERTS spelled backwards.
I am at two with nature.
There is a 100% chance you either do or do not exist.
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.
I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican.
I will not obsess, I will not obsess, I will not obsess…
All inanimate objects can move just enough to get lost or get in your way.
Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?
There are three sides to any argument- your side, my side and the right side.
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous. I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize…
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.
Some people drink from the Fountain of Knowledge. Others choke on it.
If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but hundreds are killed a year looking for it.
If men were angels, no government would be necessary.
ERROR: Keyboard not found! Press any key to continue.
There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad.
The last time somebody said, ‘I find I can write much better with a word processor.’, I replied, ‘They used to say the same thing about drugs.’
I know a guy who had is nose broken in two places. He should stay out of those two places.
Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.
It matters not whether you win or lose- what matters is whether I win or lose.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.
If con is the opposite of pro and progress is good, then what is Congress?
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.
You live and you learn. At any rate, you live.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Wisdom is what’s left after we’ve run out of personal opinions.
I refuse to answer the question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.
They just opened a new Starbucks, in my living room.
There is nobody more irritating than someone with less intelligence and more sense than we have.
“Don’t worry, they cant hit us from this fa….”-last words of a Civil war general
So little time and so little to do.
All Your Base Are Belong To Us!!!
What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to.
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By that time, you’re off it.
If you think you have it tough, read history books.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
How many of those dead animals that you see on the road are actually suicides?
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Competition is a painful thing, but it produces great results.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
Correct me if Im wrong, but hasnt the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer?
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.
When I babysit my nephew, we play Twister. I lock him in the basement and tell him a storm is coming.
An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but ice cubes went up my nose.
During a lunar eclipse, werewolves got stuck with just sideburns and a goatee.
Im not a geek – Im a level 12 paladin!
My father is semi-retired. He goes halfway to work, then he comes home.
When I was young I had a mood swing set.
Dont accept your dogs admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
I base my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
I went to a general store. They wouldn’t let my buy anything specifically.
Speak when you are angry– and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Not all pain is gain.
You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?
On the plus side, death is one of those things which can be done lying down.
Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.
I dreamt I did my best card trick for God, and he told me – I know how you did that.
Insanity- doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Judge a person by their questions rather than by their answers.
undefined
Never judge a book by it’s movie.
The author of the Iliad is either Homer or, if not Homer, somebody else of the same name.
If you have any problem with this widget, write it on the back of a 0 bill and send it to us.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press, is that we must put up with a good deal of rubbish.
Dreams are like rainbows, only idiots chase them.
You’re starting to make sense. Time to up my medication.
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
I’m not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose… it’ll be much harder to detect.
I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
A hotel isnt like a home, but its better than being a house guest.
For Sale- Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calender and wanted to know who May was.
I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world.
I am certain there is too much certainty in the world.
I don’t necessarily agree with everything I say.
I’ve stopped listening, why haven’t you stopped talking?
I can resist everything except temptation.
Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesnt work out, you havent wasted a whole day.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.
If it weren’t for the inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Its really hard to design products by focus groups. A lot of times, people dont know what they want until you show it to them.
Never have children, only grandchildren.
Health food makes me sick.
I loath people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.
If God had intended men to fly, he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
When I’m around hard-core computer geeks, I always want to say, “Come outside, the graphics are great!”
I don’t suffer from insanity-I enjoy every minute of it.
I have seen the future, and it doesn’t work.
Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?
Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form.
Im confused. Wait, maybe Im not!
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
They told me I was gullible… And I believed them.
Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there.
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a dollar?
When I dog hops into your lap, it is because he likes you. If a cat hops into your lap, it is because your lap is warmer.
Life is something that everyone should try at least once.
Some people dream of success, while others live to crush those dreams.
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: Whose?
Employee of the Month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
We just bought a new house. My husband calls it a fixer-upper. I call it a piece of crap.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m just not sure.
Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut.
Never explain–your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
When the going gets tough, everybody chickens out.
According to a recent survey, 3/4 of people makes up 75% of the population.
Quote not in my text file:
Sign in restroom:
“Please don’t flush anything other than toilet paper down the commode”
My friend’s reply:
“Well, why am I in here then?”
Now, Now. Don’t take this too seriously. After the surgery, I’ll be fine.- Somebody’s last words
If you live in a glass house, get dressed in the basement.
Unknown.
Happy is he who clutches and dashes your infants upon a rock.
Psalms 137:9(Really)
(130) Cromwell,
As I read it, the psalmist (writing while in captivity in Babylon) was saying how happy it made him to imagine Babylonian infants being dashed against a rock.
“Yes, the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap!”
If elephant guns are for killing elephants, what are squirt guns for? -Somebody on another forum.
These quotes are all from the computer game Portal.
“At the end of this training mission you will be baked, and then there will be cake.”
“We try to keep a safe enviroment. In rooms where it is not safe, we try to give helpful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it.”
“Speedy thing comes in, speedy thing goes out.”
“Vital testing apparatus destroyed.”
“Congragulations. You have euthanized your Companion Cube faster than anyone else on record.” (In my own words, Good job. You killed your friend faster than any other recorded test subject.)
“Remember, Bring Your Daughter To Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested.”
“We are pleased, you made it through the final challenge, where we pretended we were going to murder you.”
“Where do you think you are going? Because I don’t think you are going where you think you are going.”
“One day we will look back on this and laugh. And laugh. And laugh. Ooh, boy.”
10 Scariest Words:
“I’m from the federal government, and I’m here to help!”
– …Roosevelt? I’m not sure. WIlson? A president before the First World War I think.
Or I’m a liar. It was Reagan, actually.
135- i think it was reagan. or maybe clinton. but probably reagan.
Ronald Reagan is often quoted as saying that the ten most dangerous words in the English language are “Hi, I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.” (He said it in remarks to the Future Farmers of America in July 1988.) But I’m sure I heard that joke long before he became President.
“Obama’s a great guy, but he’s not a comet!” -Me, explaining to my dad at dinner why I’m going to go outside at nine tonight instead of watching the news with him.
“I could murrder a kebab!” -Daft Wullie, from the book The Wee Free Men
“Weewee mens!” -Wentworth, from the book The Wee Free Men
“It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s an egg-salad-sandwich!” -Captain Underpants
“You’re gonna roll in heather till your underpants are dead?!?” -The Killer Underpants
“We don’t want to hurt you, but we will if we have to.”
-Specials
” Mayday! Mayday! Toothless need make p-p-pee-pee RIGHT NOW!” -Toothless, from the book How To Cheat A Dragon’s Curse
“Mum, what does ‘DO NOT DISTRUB’ mean?” -Lucy, from the book The Fire Within
The hosts of the web show Spacevidcast say some very funny things.
“Satellites crash, go boom!”
“OCOh no!”
“It’s exciting… in its scariness.”
“This is complex stuff. It’s really COOL complex stuff.”
“Today, we are talking about how the Space Shuttle is retiring in 2010. The Space Shuttle is retiring in 2010. Okay, thanks for watching.”
-Ben
“Little creepy equals Kim Jong Il.”
“Reason number three thousand, four hundred and ninety-two why I’m not having children.”
“STS… Space Taxi… Something?”
“You know darn well you’re the one who knows stuff and I’m the one that needs to be educated!”
“Good Hubble. Bye, Hubble. And then Hubble went” * exaggerated choking sound*
-Cariann
“Put out that d*** cigarette!”- H. H. Munro, immediately before being shot by a sniper
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t pretend to hear that”
-Avatar
“Oh. My. Noodle.”
-Me
“I reckon you’re that desert queen who killed half her husbands with scorpion sandwiches!”
-A Hat Full of Sky
“You may not know it, but you are insane. And so am I.”
“OK Milo this is it. Any last words? Yeah, I really wish I had a better plan then this!’
-Atlantis
“The mind of a predator. A hunter. A calm, deliberate killer. And the senses!”
-Animorphs #8
“For the end of the world, press ctrl and W.”
“That’s what she said.”
-classmate
“A series of unfortunate events can happen to anyone…”
-A Series of Unfortunate Events #9
“‘I was chased by a headless horseman. He had no head!’ ‘Well, that’s the major job qualification.'”
-The Wee Free Men
“It had good ears like…Something that has good ears”
-Fatima
143- I LOVE Atlantis: The Lost Empire.
“I will find it myself if I have to rent a rowboat!”
“Forget the rowboat, kid, we’re traveling in style.”
Sharkboy: “They say she’s the most beautiful girl on the planet”
Lavagirl: “She is not!”
-The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.
“Wait a second. Do I see a package of ground BEEF??”
-Bo
“Tseer!”
-Animorphs
“Don’t sound so cocky ’cause that’s not true”
-Kokonilly
“You, you, you, and you: paint him red and kill him.”
-‘HELP’ (a movie starring the Beatles)
I’ve been quoted!
These are all things I said.
In the beginning, there was the universe. In the end, there will be cheeze.
Yeah, I’m a jerk. But I got the torch.
Yeah, you hate me. Now shut up and give me the map!
What’s ironic about iron? Everything!
I want my shrunken headphones!
Duh, geese get human bumps!
No touchy me monkey!
You know, consience. It’s that voice at the back of your mind that goes deedle-deedle and keeps you on hold all the time!
The sky is purple, we just can’t see it.
My name? Which one?
I want salty! (Doo-dee doo-dee doo-doo doo-doo)!
Marquesanto, stop peeing on the wall!
We-rock-you-suck-DEAL-WITH-IT!!!
While playing a video game with my 10-year-old sister and my 8-year-old cousin I said “No questions please, I am-” I meant to say “busy” but it came out “butt”. We all cracked up and kept saying “No questions please, I am butt.”
“43.”
“He was already dead.”
“He was twitching.”
“He was twitching because he’s got my ax embedded in his nervous system!”
-The Two Towers (how’d Gimli know about the nervous system anyways?)
“When the going gets tough, the tough get going – to the beach, to the moves, anywhere but here!” – me!
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all who wander are lost.”
-The fellowship of the Ring
“The problem with history is that there’s too much of it!” ME! I have a lot of homework…
“Thomas Jefferson couldn’t have just stayed a cotton farmer…” ME!
“Note to self: That cement is WET!’
I would put down more, as I have pages and pages of quotes, and my room is wallpapered with them, but I have homework…
Bouncy trouncy flouncy pouncy funfunfunfunfun, the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is, I’m the only one!
“And over here we have the labyrinth guards. One always lies, one always tells the truth, and one stabs people who ask tricky questions.” -Black Hat Guy, xkcd
“Your aerial elusions shall not keep you from joining your former master in his fabulous new career as a low-concentration saltwater solution. Disintegrate!” -Vaarsuvius, the Order of the Stick #626
“Certainty of death… small chance of success… what are we waiting for?”
-Gimli, Return of the King
“A little fighting here- I like that.” “Then you’re gonna love me.”
“If everybody calls 911, the line will get tied up. And then what are you going to do, call 911?” -Some TV host back in ’99 or thereabouts.
154- i LOVE oots! hmm… *thinks of quote*
“‘I AM A SEXY SHOELESS GOD OF WAR!'”
-belkar bitterleaf, the order of the stick #something or other
“Why didn’t you join the army?”
“I was nearsighted and flat-footed.”
“And what did your father have to say about that?”
“That I was nearsighted and flat-footed.”
-That Newt guy with the name that starts with the G that’s hard to spell.
“Ummm…”
“Remember today, little brother. Today, life is good.”
“You want to know what I look like? Find yourself a mirror while I continue.” -Death, The Book Thief
“Mike, put your pants back on.”
– Today in Physics. I should start a series. There’d be a new one from physics every day. Here’s a bonus one even:
“*explanation of how US is making all tv digital so there is more room for other sorts of signals*”
Teacher: “So if JB here wants to spend a million dollars, she can get this tiny sliver of space on which she can broadcast whatever she wants.
Mike: I’ve seen what she broadcasts–WAIT. So we are LITERALLY selling air!”
The conversations between all of us stuck in there almost make up for the horrible teaching. But not quite. –_–
“You know how fast you were goin’?”
“Wha-at?”
“How fast you were going.”
“Uh, 65?”
“63.”
“Officer, isn’t-isn’t the speed limit 65?”
“Yeah! It is.”
“Childhood is short and maturity is forever.”
“I note, with some dismay, you’ve chosen to jump the ledge.”
“Right. And that choice will give us new decisions.”
“Like, should we bail out or die in the landing?”
My brother: “What’s it called when you put things on skewers and dip them in chocolate? Ninjitsu?”
My other brother: FONDUE!
“Give peace a chance.”
–John Lennon
“Go into the world and do well. But more importantly, go into the world and do good.”
–Minor Meyers, Jr.
“You must be the change you wish to see in this world.”
–Ghandi
“For most of history, ‘Anonymous’ was a woman.”
–Virginia Woolf
Here are some very moving quotes from my friends:
“Don’t talk to dead people. They might give you ice cream.”
–Jon
“Conversations are highly flammable. I advise you not to use them.”
–Abby
Me: Kate, you’re incognito!
Kate: Where’s that?
Anyone want to tell me how weird my friends are?
This is a conversation I had with my cousin Dasen (6 years old) a few days ago:
Dasen: “Clara, is that origami?” (pointing to modular origami hanging from the ceiling)
Clara: “Yes.”
Dasen: “Really? I thought origami was just those pigeon things.”
Friend: “What is the meaning of life?”
Me: “The time other then death and undeath, when you are thoroughly bored out of your mind if you have one.”
Friend: “How many definitions of cheeze are there?”
Me: “8976052413 as far as I know, if you only include the English definitions.”
Me: “Me am thoroughly fed up with life, and been so for long time.”
Me: “Ssh. Me brain am sleeping.”
Me: “Chicken chili cheeze puffs!”
Me: “Cockroaches literally rule the world!”
Me: “If you’ve read A Hat Full of Sky, you’ll know that Annagramma really needs to learn the definition of the word ‘literally’.”
“Well, we’ve been through worse.” “Yeah, when?” “Flennsburg. There was twice as many.” “We were younger.” “I still am young!” “We had guns. Put your hands down, will you? You’re embarassing us.”
(167) I’ve just found the French subtitles for that exchange:
Mac : On a affronté bien pire.
Indiana : Ah oui ? Quand ?
Mac : Flensburg, ils étaient le double.
Indiana : On était plus jeune.
Mac : Je suis toujours jeune moi !
Indiana : On avait des armes. Non … baisse les bras s’il te plaît, tu m’fais honte.
Suave, isn’t it?
168–I’m sure it would read quite nicely, if my French pronunciation weren’t well beyond atrocious.
Me: “*waves cheerily* *bombs the heck out of your fort* do u care 2 surrender & end this brief txt war?”
Friend: “U WILL B DEFEATED!”
Me: Right. U plan 2 do this how? Ur llamas r bombed, ur fort is a smoking ruin & ur clothes have singe marks on them.”
Friend: “This isn’t a fair fight! U have zombie cows!”
Me: “*ahem* /snarling/ cows.”
Friend: “Ok. Snarling zombie cows. I HAVE THE HOT PINK BUNNIES!”
Me: “Yeah. good luck with that.”
Forgive the text messaging shorthand, but I found that conversation excerpt amusing.
Here are some of my 101 funniest latin translations (all from classmates who paid me to do their latin homework, but forgot about the test):
“The roman Gaulians were thrown by the secret geese.”
“The gaulian Romans captured their arms.”
“Ceasar hated some soldiers the most so that they felled him.”
e.t.c., e.t.c.…
“I know every year that someone starts a rumor that, ‘Oh my friend so and so knows someone who just wrote Bears Bears Bears for every essay and got a perfect score’. IT”S NOT TRUE!!!!!”
-My psycho English teacher, who was going over our practice OGT and found out that some people had skipped the essay questions.
“They’ve made it difficult for us.”
“Yes. That’s what defences do.”
-Nathanial and Bartimaeus, The Amulet of Samarkand.
“There’re potatoes swimming in the fish tank!”
“Yes. Igor breeds them specially. He says instant fish and chips is only a generation away.”
-A conversation something like this appeared in Terry Pratchett’s The Truth, but I’m too lazy to go check the specifics of it.
“These Romans are crazy!”
-Obelix the Gaul
“What if you were Ella Enchanted and I told you not to breathe?”
-Me, biology class today
Some kid in cartooning class: “So they stuffed the vampire full of gunpowder and threw him in this big bonfire.”
Me: “Is that what they call Transylvanian Barbecue?”
“Coming up: fireball over Texas… Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! …We’re going to Europa… Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! …and the death of a very prominent NASA figure who helped build the rocket industry- all that, as well as Project Constellation… Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!” -Ben, from Spacevidcast.
you have cartooning class?!?
Epic.
“In ad 2101
war was beginning
Captain: What happen ?
Mechanic: Somebody set up us the bomb.
Operator: We get signal.
Captain: What !
Operator: Main screen turn on.
Captain: It’s you !!
CATS: How are you gentlemen !!
CATS: All your base are belong to us.
CATS: You are on the way to destruction.
Captain: What you say !!
CATS: You have no chance to survive make your time.
CATS: Ha ha ha ha ….
Operator: Captain !! *
Captain: Take off every ‘ZIG’!!
Captain: You know what you doing.
Captain: Move ‘ZIG’.
Captain: For great justice.”
“Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer; nothing is more difficult than to understand him.†– Fyodor Dostoevsky
“The teacher exploded.”
~Aggie
“But, y’know, they’re Star Trek fans, what do you expect.” -Ben . (I don’t agree with this, but the way he said it was funny.)
molenose molenose. molenose molenose. *hop hop hop*
My friend, Sam: WHAT THE POTATO WEDGE!!!
Me: (to a random second-grader) Hello, why are you a person?
Random Second Grader: Um. . . I don’t know?
Me: I don’t know either! Stop making me feel stupid!
Person named Shane: (singing) I don’t want to be an American idiot!
Me: Yeah, well, that’s too bad ’cause you already are one.
The sky is falling!
–Chicken Little
Me: Peace out!
My friend, Kate: Sure ((pronounced Shore)), go make war.
My Chinese teacher: (to a kid named Joey who was misbehaving) Do you think this is a joke?
Joey: Um, maybe?
Chinese teacher: Well, it isn’t!
Joey: Really? I could’ve sworn it was. . .
Theodore has a problem. He wants to eat exactly 32.35% of his apple for lunch and exactly 19.67% for an after-school snack. How much will be left over?
Paige: Theodore has a problem, all right.
–paraphrased from Foxtrot
Me: Hello, I am not of this planet. Where is the bathroom?
Random person I directed the comment at: Uhh… That way, take a left.
Me: No thank you, I prefer to keep my arms intact.
Random person: Huh?
Me: Oh, good. My rat found the chainsaw.
Me: SHUT UP!
J: That’s what SHE said!
Me: Oh my chicken chili cheeze puffs! It’s coming this way! Run for your lives!
A: What is it?
Me: A meteorite!
A: That’s a pink rabbit.
Me: Oh, cheezeballs no! We’re all DOOMED!
Me: Cockroaches rule the world!
CTN: What about hot-pink-bunnies?
Me: Bah! They’re not even close to second in command!
181- theodore DEFINITELY has a problem.
Me-Oh, good. The ravening hamster of probability didn’t destroy the improbable sock. *puts improbable sock on*
Friend: Yes, but my 3rd-level ferrets placed a curse of frank zappa on it, so it is a necessity that it must constantly invent to remain existing. Therefore, your foot has just became a dechipmunkizer.
Another one from Ben:
“I want my Ares Five to kick the pants off your Saturn Five!”
171- An inside joke from our Latin class:
aequo animo = water animal.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I MISS THE ALTER EGO THREAD!!!!! I CAN’T DEAL WITHOUT IT!!!! GAPAS, THIS IS FOR YOU!
“HELLO!!!! REFERENCE!!!!!!”
–Calvin
“You can’t turn creativity on like a faucet.”
–Bill Watterson
“With our love we could save the world.”
–George Harrison
“Take your pants off!”
–Chinese teacher from another school in my town (she didn’t actually mean to say this, but it’s still funny)
183– YES HE DOES HAVE A PROBLEM!
“Ponga la chicle en la basura!”- My Spanish teacher last year.
“Mommy, where are all the dead people?”
–My friend Brianna’s older sister when she was three. She was on an airplane for the first time and wanted to know why there weren’t any angels up in the clouds.
Quotes from me and friends:
“MY TEETH ARE BLUE! MY TEETH ARE BLUE!” me, said when i ate a bit too many of a friend’s blue gumballs
“I never had a bug eat me before…it might be rather pleasant…” Friend J
“You know what I always say, everything’s better in cookie form!”
191) Some of my friends are real gems. This conversation is from the austrian interscolastic chess competition/thingy that I can’t translate. To insult all the other teams, we actually came in second. Here are some of our best players:
Teacher: I have to enter the nationalities on this list. Who here isn’t Austrian ?
Me: I’m american.
T: okay.
other kid (3rd best player): I’m korean.
T: Which Korea?
o.k.: Isn’t that obvious ?
other other kid: What´s a nationality ?
T: (exasperated) It’s the country your passport is from.
o.o.k: What’s a passport ?
Me: What are you doing here ?
68- its from school of rock.
“me fail english? that unpossible!
-ralph wiggums
“you mean ham, bacon, AND sausage all come from the same animal? what is this wonderous beast?”
(something like that, anyway.) homer simpson
“Anybody here like to sleep in a coffin?”
*Silence*
“Okay, good, sometimes I get weirdos.” -Joe, the Space Camp councilor.
My dad: “Why do the tickets for Wicked cost so much? It’s not like it’s Shakespeare. It’s just a play about a bunch of witches.”
Me: “Um, one of Shakespeare’s greatest plays is about a bunch of witches. At least partially…”
Councilor: “Here’s the next anomaly- go crazy.”
Bobby: “I’M SARA [sic] NOVAK AND I’M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL! BWAHAHAHA!”
*Everybody looks at me*
Kid playing Flight Director: “Kai, YOU take care of him this time.”
One day, I wore a sign all day as an experement to find MBers in my school. This is what it said:
“HPBs are WOMBATs!
Pwt pwns not! Bo does!
Bleyay!”
“Lord Winder had a mind like a clock; and, like a clock, it went cuckoo occasionally.” -Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters.
HAPPY PI DAY!!!
3.14159265358979323846264338327950…
196-any results? 191- your friend (the bug-eaten one) sounds awfully like me. I would have said swell or delightful though.
“Ballbaskets bite!”- a random friend, said in an utterly ridiculously timorous voice of the basket of sports equipment in our classroom.
196- Yes, any results?
We’re zombies, we’re followers, we’re sheep!
-Me
CONGRATULATIONS ON COMMENT 200!!!
200- It was strange. At least, she looked weird.
202: Positive or negative weird/strange?
“Let us scream,”
–Me
C’MON, PEOPLE, COME TO THE QUOTATIONS THREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s too young to die! *sobs*
200- I found no MBers I didn’t already know. So, as far as I know, Me, CTN, and Athenien Psycho are the only MBers at our school.
Scooby Stories quotes:
Episopde 1:
“I got a barbie doll (that’s messed up).”
Episode 2:
“Calm down, you sound like a crazy monkey.”
“Yeah, so what. Bring me a banana, what’s up.”
Episode 3:
“Mom! I’m crying for, like, 10 minutes and you don’t come, but you come when I start cheering?”
Episode 4:
“And that tail was attached to a giant purple booty.”
Episode 6:
“You must destroy the frozen heart of Barney.”
Some gems from our chemistry class:
T: “A red sun is when the sun burns out. Red suns give off less heat, but are so big that if our sun would turn into a red sun, it would burn the surfaces of all planets nearby, including earth. After it burns out, there would be a supernova.
Kid who hasn’t been paying attention: “Wow, a supernova !”
T: “Train tracks rust too. If you were to leave some train tracks on the ground for 100 years, there’d just be to parallel rust tracks left over.”
K: “But what if the train comes ?”
T: ” I feel really, really sorry for myself. Can you understand that.”
K: “Yes.”
T: “Good job, +.”
K2: ” I understand too !”
Sometimes I think people should make our class into a sitcom.
Take for example the time when Kx banged the lamps while opening the window and they swayed and sent dust snowing down. I resisted the urge to shout “Operation desert storm !” because it was in history class- and the class was one big, loud mess.
Or when the boys chased B1 into the back of the classroom. We had big “closets” instead of lockers in the classroom then, and B1 tried to hide behind them. B2 shoved it aside, just as B1 tried to climb onto one and our strict geography teacher came in. B1 pulled himself up, braced himself with his hands and shouted: “GOOD MORNING, MRS xxxxx”. The teacher didn’t really know what to do after this polite welcome, and simply started class without inquiring. We had a laugh though, since B1 & B2 were braking at least 7 school rules apiece.
Or personal this time:
Stupid Kid: “So you’re, like, taking math class with the grade above us ?”
Me: “No, I’m cutting class and smoking in the park. What do you think ?”
Stupid Kid: “I don’t get it.”
Me: *sighs*
((I’m the sort of kid who gets along better with the teachers than with some of my classmates and whose worst “crime” was not doing her latin homework before the big german test))
French teacher: “Everyone writes out their worst mistakes. Margaret, you write out all your grammaire, ortographe, ordre des mots and accent mistakes- that’s all the mistakes you make. If I forgot any, write those out too.”
Me: *thinks* Yep, another wonderful day in french class with our favorite teacher, who again shows stunning devotion to her best student
“I never saw a kangaroo!”
“Uh, he’s right at the back.”
“No, I still have 9 cents but I lost the can opener. I’m going to sleep now. If I’m not up in 2 days, knock three times and leave food outside the door. Good day.”
This reminds me of a conversation I had in Louisiana, at my school, in the cafeteria.
kid: Why are you so pale?
Me: I have a light complexion.
Kid: ???
Me: I’m scandinavian.
kid: Isn’t that in Canada?
me: No, Scandinavia is in Europe.
Kid: Europe is in Asia.
Me: I come from Denmark. *has given up*
Kid: OMG. You are a foreigner. *shut’s up and looks scared.*
Me: So what?
Kid: My dad says I mustn’t talk to terrorists.
LOL.
(208) Yeah, boy, gotta watch out for those Danish terrorists; they’re everywhere these days.
208–Wow. People have issues…..
209–
206- Actually, the sun won’t go supernova, it’s not big enough. It will just burn out and turn very dark and cold after it’s done being a red giant.
208- Okay, that’s scary.
At a restaurant a few weeks ago:
My brother: *Draws a potato with a smiley face on some paper* This is a potato.
*He writes “Potetoe” on the paper with an arrow pointing to the face*
Me: “That’s not how you spell ‘Potato’.”
My brother: *Draws angry eyebrows and fangs on the potato* “Potato angry.”
211- A lot of people in my class thought that you spell potato with an ‘e’ at the end. I marvel at how they ended up in the advanced English class.
211, 212– My teacher thought you spelled the plural of potato like potatos (did that make sense?).
“First things first. Be honest. How do I look?”
“Um…different.”
“Good different or bad different?”
“Just different.”
“Am I ginger?”
“No, you’re just sort of brown.”
“I wanted to be ginger, I’ve never been ginger! And you, Rose Tyler, fat lot of good you were, you gave up on me! Ooh, that’s rude. Is that the sort of man I am now, rude? Rude and not ginger.”
“It was a mist of masonry.”
Mervyn Peake, Titus Groan
Oh, and the above quote (in my previous post) was from Doctor Who, Season 2, Episode 1: The Christmas Invasion.
“I know what he said, pal. He said some of the boys would meet you. Okay, we’re meeting you.”
“Sir, does everyone here carry… firearms?”
“I never heard such stupid questions in my life.”
-both from Star Trek (kudos to you if you can guess which episode)
“You could say sorry.”
“What, and get attacked by another flock of canaries?”
“What did you have to imitate her for?”
“She laughed at my mustache.”
“So did I, it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Oh no, you don’t want to buy that VCR.”
“I don’t?”
“No- in fact, you don’t want to buy any VCR. It’s a… dead technology.”
That was one of the BEST ST episodes, in my opinion! Right up there with “Amok Time,” “City on the edge of Forever,” and “The Trouble with Tribbles.”
(216) Hm… “A Piece of the Action”?
216- What are the last two from?
More Mervyn Peake:
If ever man stalked man, Flay stalked Swelter. It is to be doubted whether, when compared with the angular motions of Mr Flay, any man could claim to stalk at all. He would have to do it with another word.
If Mr Flay stalked, Mr Swelter insinuated.
More Doctor Who:
“Tea! That’s all I needed! A good cup of tea. Superheated infusion of free radicals and tannins, just the thing for heating the synapses.”
“And how am I going to react when I see this? A great big threatening button! A great big threatening button which must not under any circumstances be pressed, am I right?”
The first one is from the sixth Harry Potter book.
219- Wait til you see Girl in the Fireplace.
The Doctor: Rose, take Arthur, follow it. Don’t approach it, just go, go, go!
Rose Tyler: Arthur?
The Doctor: Good name for a horse.
Rose Tyler: No, you’re not keeping the horse.
The Doctor: I let you keep Mickey!
“But when people are in love they’re always beautiful, for in loving they are lit up by the light.”-The Assault by Harry Mulisch
221- Doctor Who improves as it goes on. The first few episodes of the new series were quite silly, but now I’ve got Aliens of London and it’s improving, and The Christmas Invasion was better still.
“She said, dear, that she’d burn down the whole place, burn down Gormenghast when she was the ruler and she’d live on her own, and I said she was wicked, and she said that everyone was–everyone and everything except rivers, clouds, and some rabbits.”
–Nannie Slagg, Titus Groan
“Thanks for making us symmetrical, giving us full power, and all the other wonderful things you did for us. You did great work. Come again.” -Space Station Commander Mike Fincke. The “Symmetrical” part cracked me up.
“I wish I was a mermaid.
…Actually, I wish I was one of those bad-*** giant squid.”
– Me, at lunch.
“You know, every time someone says the word “figuratively,” this image pops up in my head of a smiling 3-d “1” with arms and Mickey Mouse type hands and gloves, and he’s waving to me.”
– Amber, at lunch. I named him Manchester.
217 – Yup.
218 – The first one’s from Harry Potter, the second one… I dunno.
“You’ll need to do a hard reboot. Listen carefully… rent a van and fill it with stolen dynamite. Park it near the power company’s main relay station.”
“Can we talk?”
“Now aim the bazooka at the van…”
-Dogbert’s Tech Support
“Hello, I-”
“Shut up, and reboot.”
“Hey, it work-”
“Shut up and hang up.”
*click*
“My average call time is improving.”
-again, DTS
“Oooh, some interesting stuff going on in the chat box. We have, simultaneously ‘Screw Orion’, ‘Frak Orion’ and ‘Yay Orion’.” – Ben.
“Put aside the Ranger. Become who you were born to be.”
228- The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Scene- Andúril. Elrond says it to Aragorn.
I’m all for moderation but sometimes it seems
Moderation itself can be a kind of extreme.
–Andrew Bird, Weather Systems, I forget the song.
229 – I wasn’t asking where it came from, but yeah.
“The way is shut. It was made by those who are dead. And the dead keep it. The way is shut.”
“In fact, it’s probably best if you don’t speak at all, Peregrin Took.”
208- Oh goodness. *snickers* Yep. Scandinavia’s right up here! It’s somewhere near Yellowknife!
“R17 is not a fixed velocity, but it is clearly too fast.”
“Zaphod was so surprised that they had to shoot him again before he went down.”
“…that I really wish I had listened to what my mother told me when I was young.”
“Why, what did she tell you?”
“I don’t know, I wasn’t listening.”
“By the way, Mr. Vocabulary, a herring is a fish, in which I assume you are not sealed up.” -Sandy Moondust, The Astrobot Diaries.
150- What do you mean, we can’t see that the sky is purple? Of course we can!
“Therefore we must be mad.”
“Nice day for it.”
“Yes,” said a passing maniac.
“Who was that?” asked Arthur
“Who – the man with the five heads and the elderberry bush full of kippers?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t know. Just someone.”
“Ah.”
– The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy
“It’s a brand new day,
And the sun is high,
The birds are singing,
That you’re gonna die … ”
-Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog
A particularly hilarious fragment of the “Start a story, then add onto it as you go around the table game” that I played with my family during Earth Hour…
My brother (Brother 1): “This is a realistic fiction/ horror story. It’s called ‘How Simon Cowel (I probably spelled that wrong) Became So Mean”. When he was a little boy in England…”
My other brother (Brother 2): “…He had to wear really big, thick glasses…”
My dad: “…His parents were drug addicts who died from an overdose, so he got put in foster care and adopted by…”
Me: “… A mean old lady named Ms. Piccolo who made him massage her stinky feet every day and…”
My mom: “…She always sung off-key. So one day, she asked Simon to give her his honest opinion of her singing and he said…”
Brother 1: “…’That was absolutely horrible, you should never, ever sing again.’ So Ms. Piccolo threw Simon out of the second-story window and he landed on his head…”
Brother 2: “…So somebody else adopted him. When he was at school, he volunteered to help judge the talent show. He heard all the kids sing and then said ‘If I were you, I’d give up singing forever, because that was absolutely ghastly!’…”
Dad: “…So all the kids ran to the principal and told them what Simon had said. So the principal sentenced him to…”
Me: “… Fifteen years of community service picking up trash outside of the school in a tutu…”
And on, and on, like that.
“Forgive the urgency / But hurry up and wait…”
– Look After You , The Fray
“Snape: What is that mysterious ticking noise?
Snape again: (taps foot) Severus Snape, Severus Snape, Severus…etc.
Ron: Ron, Ron, Ron, Ron WEASLY…etc.
Dumbledore: DUMBLE-dore, DUMBLE-dore, DUMBLE-…etc
Hermoine: Hermoi-NE! Hermoi-NE!…etc.
Harry: (at random) HARRY!! Harry Potter! I’m Harry Potter!…etc.
(this goes on for a while)
Ron: I found whats making the mysterious ticking noise!
BOOOM!!!!!! (Explosion)
Voldemort: Voldemort, Voldemort, Volde- Volde- Voldemort!”
-I’m not going to tell you what it is because you already know
(I am terribly sorry for any mis-remembered details.)
Hee hee…
238- It’s like Cast Beat. Or maybe that’s Kast Beat, I’m really not sure. That’s a warm-up game where one person starts making some repetitive beat or noise and then the person next to them does a different one, and so on and so on. And when it gets back to the original person they change their beat, and then the person next to them changes their beat, and so on and so forth. I hate it.
“I do believe I’ve just broken my jaw.”
–Me, said in a British accent
“You know, if I had to push anyone down the stairs right now, it’d be you, Emma.”
“Well, why don’t you?”
“Because the police are standing right outside the door.”
–From the book I’m writing (apologies to anyone named Emma!)
“You just destroyed a helicopter with a car!”
“I was out of bullets.”
-Live Free or Die Hard (the guy from the Mac ads is in it, I think)
“If I stare at the lock really hard, it’ll burst into flames and melt.”
“Now I’m concerned on a number of levels.”
That’s from Bolt. ‘Twas my favourite quote from that movie.
That was one of my favorites. Probably another one was, “Do not come at me with whole wheat, Billy!” “Or pumpernickel, Billy!”
“Ohi agapo yeometria” -Me (This is the Greek equivalent of “Me no like Geometry”.)
“We’re interviewing a chair today. This should go very well.” – Cariann.
“The reason the launch of Sputnik and Yuri Gagarin’s flight were MOST frightening to the US was…
A) Unremarkable wrong answer.
B) Unremarkable wrong answer.
C) The correct answer.
D) Both Sputnik and Gagarin’s spaceship carried advanced laser weaponry.” – My AP Social Studies review book.
(Translated from Spanish, we could fill in the blanks any way that was grammatically correct.)
Textbook: “It is the week before exams. In computer class, all the students are asking the teacher _______.”
Me: “Do we HAVE to take the exam?”
Textbook: “The teacher tells them _______.”
Me: “Yes, you have to take the exam, you lazy brats!”
243-
“I dare you to call it a skirt!”
–One of my brother’s shirts. He likes to wear a kilt.
“Get ye flask.”
–A shirt one of my friends wore once, referencing a Homestarrunner cartoon.
“Ah well, I didn’t really need those arteries anyway.”
–Me, eating coconut milk ice cream (which has lots of saturated fat).
Me: *threatens brother with glue gun*
Brother #1 (the kilt-wearer): *puts hands in the air* Don’t shoot, I’ve got a wife and kids!
Brother #2: (not catching on to our improv) What, you do?
“Thanks for holding. Try turning off your router, your modem, and your computer. Now turn off your air conditioning, your lights, and your water heater. Unplug your microwave, and defrost your refrigerator.”
“You’re very thorough.”
“Cancel your garbage service, renounce your citizenship, and yank out your phone.”
-Dogbert’s Technical Support once again
“Slate was a dead end.”
“Slate was a dead end.”
*pause*
“**** it, he killed him!”
“This guy was in love with computers. I wondered if he was secretly writing a romance about a skinny, white boy genius who was having sex with a half-breed Apple computer.” – The Absolutely True Diary of A Part-Time Indian
I LOVE THAT BOOK.
“Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it’s a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades.â€
-Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Rick Riordan
“Unless life hands you water and sugar too, your lemonade is gonna suck.â€
“I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers’ lounge.”
-Calvin and Hobbes
“That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!”
-Calvin and Hobbes
“Dear IRS, Please remove me from your mailing list.”
-Peanuts (SNOOPY!!!!!!!!)
“I made it- first Beagle on the moon! I beat the Russians! I beat everybody!”
*Pause*
“I even beat that stupid cat who lives next door!” -Snoopy.
Guy on TV: “This simulator can train an airplane pilot for any situation they may encounter.”
Me: “Can it simulate landing in the Hudson River after hitting birds?”
“Childhood is short and maturity is forever.”
“Your brilliant little computer just destroyed an ore freighter! In fact it went out of its WAY to destroy an ore freighter!”
“Jim! I think I’ve got it. All we have to do is stop feeding them. Once we stop feeding them, they stop breeding!”
“Now he tells me.”
“Who makes all these?”
“I do! And I practice with them – three hours a day!”
“You need to find yourself a girl, mate!”
“Everyone stay calm! We are taking over the ship.”
The third one is from Star Trek, the original series, the episode about Tribbles that I forget the name of. The fourth one is from POTC1. I feel like I know the fifth one, but I can’t quite figure it out…
“The trouble with Tribbles” = THE BEST! LOVE it!
SFTDP, but I just remembered another good one.
“So you’re saying we go back to 20th century Earth, pick up a couple of humpback whales, drop ’em off, and hope to hell they tell this thing what to go do with itself!”
“That’s the general idea.”
“Well I think it’s crazy!”
ST = VERY AMAZINGLY GOOD! And so are pancakes.
Two quotes to guess the sources of. (Hint: they’re both from books.)
“How many fingers am I holdin’ up?”
“Five?”
“Ach, well, ye could be right, ye ha’ the knowin’ o’ the countin’.”
“We are sneaky agent men, like Bond James Bond.”
251- The first one’s from one of the Wee Free Men books, I don’t know which. I don’t know about the second, but it sounds like a good book.
Yes, the first one is from Hat Full Of Sky. The second is from The True Meaning Of Smekday, which is a good book. An alien named J. Lo says it.
252.1- Ohhhhh, of course! I thought it sounded like something from TMoS, but I couldn’t remember when J. Lo said that, so I thought it was from another book with the same style. I’ve read TMoS, and loved it. When did J. Lo say that?
“You’re really good at typing. If you ever learned to type, you’d be even better.”
-My mom
“I have no idea why I’m up here. I’m always on the drums!”
-Someone from capoeira whose name I will not state, as it is probably pretty unique. This is much funnier if you know the context.
“We’re at war with evil, virtual, pink bunnies, Meow. We passed the silliness event horizon a long time ago.”
-[guess]
And, of course, everything from Terry Pratchett’s books.
” ‘Crack reporters’?”
“Can I be Crack One?”
“Can I be Deep Crack?”
– Frost-Nixon
“That’s not very nice.”
“You were supposed to shoot her!”
“I missed!”
-Quantum of Solace
“What’ll I… oof, I’m hungry.”
-Sonic Unleashed
A scene at dinner:
Me: “Fine, I’m eating the stuff. See !”
*flicks fork for emphasis*
*bit of carrot stuck to the fork goes airborn and hits dad*
*everyone starts laughing*
Me: “Well, I was going to eat it !”
Assignment:
Write a letter to your school paper stating you opinion about austrian schools (300 words).
My classmates letter:
I don’t get it. If Claudia Schmidt can’t do math, why is she in charge of our school system ? If our politicians are out of money, why don’t they play lottery ?
Me: “Now I remember why I’m skipping a grade.”
SFTDP: (I hit submit to soon )
Me: *demonstrates* And then we can like this… *does a dance routine*
*dangerous tinkling sounds*
Me: “The dance is just like that, ‘cept that the lamp isn’t supposed to be there.”
Sister: “Keep going and it won’t be.”
Sister: “You dance pretty well, but aren’t you supposed to be the evil hedge and not the scared hedge ?”
Me: “You’d be scared if only half of the hedge members are absent and you have to dance with a formation including the invisible man ! If anyone dies and can’t come, I’ll kill them !”
“They came from all directions, and there were thousands of them: big mice and little mice and middle sized mice; and each one of them brought a piece of string in his mouth.”
Try and guess where this is from!
“I did a few minor spells. I got a chair to sit up and beg once.”
-Malingo, from Abarat
“Rex has a minute to live.”
“That’s not possible. Either, he gets here on time, which means you don’t kill him. Or, he is late, and isn’t here, so you can’t kill him. Either way, he has more than a minute to live.”
Dess frowned. She was making logical sense, which was totally unfair this early on a Saturday morning.
-Blue Noon
Exit, pursued by a bear.
-Stage direction from a Shakespeare play
Ben (imitating Elmo from Sesame Street): “Elmo! Elmo! Elmo!”
*Cariann rolls her eyes and frowns*
Ben: “Elmo! Elmo!”
Cariann: *Makes “finger gun” and pretends to shoot him* “Pshoo!”
(Ben shuts up)
Ben: “‘Cause when I think space, I think NASA, China and Sesame Street.”
Ben: “Do you know how to find the North Star?”
Cariann: “We live in the North Star State.”
Ben: “That’s true.”
Ben: “I like the MOOOOON!”
*Cariann looks at him*
Ben: “‘Cause it is close TOOOO us!”
Okay, that’s weird. My friend made up a song that sounds like that.
“I need more mayo on my albatross sandwich!”
–Nate
“The cream puff is beating me in a race!”
–Jon
“Your face is eyelashes!”
–Kate
A random kindergartener: “Waahhhh! You made santa puke!”
Rat-catcher One: “Please, young sir! Have mercy! If not for me, think of my dear wife and the four lovely children who’ll be without their daddy!”
Malicia: “You’re not married. You don’t have any children.”
Rat-catcher One: “Well, i might want some one day!”
Friend: “I’ve just gotten a great idea!”
Me: “Hmmm… How many minutes now, i wonder, until the explosions begin?”
In the beginning, the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry and was widely regarded as a bad move.
-The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
261 – Ahaha, that one was great.
“You are not to use the stereo, the television, or any of our possessions.”
“Right.”
“You are not to steal food from the fridge.”
“Okay.”
“I am going to lock your door.”
“You do that.”
Harry Potter. Definitely. The Dursleys (Vernon, to be precise) informing Harry of what he was not to do. I think that was OotP when they left for the fake “best kept lawn (or whatever)” award…..
Yeah. I remembered another good one:
“She’s been sneaking into your broom shed in the garden and taking each of your brooms out in turn since she was six.”
“Ah. Well – that’d explain it.”
That’s sounds slightly wrong out of context……
Anyway, that was Hermione & Ron, respectively, in reference to Ginny and how she became so good at Quidditch.
Actually, it was Fred/George.
Some kid in Math Study Hall: “I’m going to be a pirate when I grow up.”
Me: “Then you won’t need to know much Math. Just enough to divide the booty.”
“Totally bodacious, dude!”
-from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
“Who knew you could get airsick in a submarine?” -Shaggy Rodgers
Star Creature: “I’m going to teach you a lesson now!”
Scrappy-Doo: “How about a lesson in addition? Scrappy plus Star Creature equals SPLAT!”
“I am the master of the crane!”
-me
If you guess why I said this, then you get 50 Enceladus points! (It’s really hard. You’ll probably guess it in a month or two. )
*guesses* You made a Japanese paper crane?
But why?
Um, because you are the master of the crane?
Uhhh…. *texan accent* that there’s some real circular reasoning, young lady!
SFTDP
Isn’t anybody going to guess???
“You know, the earth is slightly pear-shaped. We are living on a pear.”
–Me
“If the world blew up right now, I’d be pretty depressed.”
–Me
Dr. Grant: “Any questions?”
*Everybody raises their hand*
Dr. Grant: “Any questions NOT about Jurassic Park?”
*Almost everybody puts their hand down*
-Jurassic Park 3.
I swear, if I ever have to give a presentation and lots of people have questions, that’s what I’m going to say.
268- What, “any questions not about Jurassic Park?”?
Yes. Imagine if somebody actually puts their hand down?
Oh, I’m sure somebody would at first, before they realize that what you just said was not their question at all. Which, of course, will leave very confuzzled individuals in the audience!
I would just die laughing if somebody actually had a question about Jurassic Park.
269.1- Oh, I get your point.
“We are going to kill you. Is that all right with you?”
“Okay.”
-some book (I don’t think the quote is exact, but close enough)
“Just to recap. We come ion peace, we mean you no harm, and you all will die.”
-Monsters V.S. Aliens
“Piranhas? Can’t we just use a bunch of angry goldfish?” -Tracey McBean.
“Which is kind of ESA’s version of NASA’s version of what Apollo is…” -Cariann
“TV is analog, but we have YouTube already”- Chris_Soyuz
Poo-tee-weet?
-Slaughterhouse-Five
I couldn’t resist.
Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.
-bumper sticker
Here, truly, There Be Dragons.
-Stardust, Neil Gaiman
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, as you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
-bumper sticker
McCoy quotes:
“Jim, you don’t ask the Almighty for his ID!”
“In simpler language, captain, they drafted me!”
“I don’t need a doctor, I AM a doctor!”
“See if you still so relaxed when your eyeballs start bleeding!”
“Gua-te-mal-an Hue-hue-ten-an-go, Guatemalan Huehuetenango, Guatemalan Huehuetenango!” – Ben and Cariann
Ben: “He’s made a rocket based coffee.”
Cariann: “A rocket-based coffee? Yeah-it’s coffee, made with rocket fuel!”
“There are EPIC FAILS and EPIC SUCCESSES, so would the correct term for Apollo 13 be EPIC SUCCESSFUL FAIL?”
“I’m gonna go ask directions to our next huge embarrassing failure.”
“…You’re a huge embarrassing failure…”
“What?”
“…Nothin’!”
Some good quotes from Spaceballs:
“Umm… he did it!”
“What?!”
“No no no, go past this, past this part. In fact, never play this again.”
“I can’t breathe in this thing!”
“Out of order?!” “****! Even in the future, nothing works!”
“Lonestar… Lonesta-” *thunk*
“I can’t! I lost the ring!”
“Forget the ring! The ring is BUPKISS!”
“Any more questions?”
*All hands go up*
“Any questions not involving my face?”
*All hands go down*
Yo, R101, what’s with the AE? Oh, wait, maybe that’s exactly it…..an AE….
Okay, since I’m still curious about how long it’ll take to guess my quote, I shall restate it.
“I am hungry. What is the time?”
Said by ___ in the book ___
Hint: RoseQuartz should have a easy time guessing it! (Yes, this is a hint. Think about it.)
One of the hobbitses (Bilbo/Frodo/Sam/Merry/Pippin/etc), in either Hobbit or LOTR.
Way too obvious a hint. I’m leaning toward Bilbo or Sam. (If the former, than Hobbit, if the latter, one of the LOTR books)
Sam, in one of the LOTR books… *too lazy to find out which exact one*
Luna: More specific! Daisy: Actually, no.
Yeah, I was trying to figure out how obvious it was… Ah well. I was actually surprised that on MA people didn’t swarm all over it answering it.
278- *winces* That would be….awkward.
“The best thing that could be said about the next two days was that we survived them.”
–lotsa points if you guess this, otherwise I’ll tell you
“I personally don’t think it’s a good idea to go around kicking things on an atomic submarine. What if that’s the reactor?†-Me, on the Reclusive Gardens thread.
First things first: I love this website. It’s so nice to know I’m not the only geek in a world of weird ‘normal’ people. (and before you say “hey, we’re not geeks,” go back and count up all the quotes from star trek, LOTR, etc. Then tell me we’re not geeky)
On the subject of geeks:
“Be nice to geeks. Someday, one will be your boss.”
“According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist.”
“In a perfect world, barbecue chips would be a food group”. Me
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today.
It’s already tomorrow in Australia ”
-Charles Schultz A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad. ~Arnold H. Glasgow
The friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you. ~Elbert Hubbard, The Notebook, 1927
A good friend is cheaper than therapy. ~Author Unknown
If a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it. ~Edgar Watson Howe
A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. ~Arnold Glasow
True friends stab you in the front. ~Oscar Wilde
“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve it through not dying.â€
–Woody Allen”The gene pool could use a little chlorine.”
“I love cats…they taste just like chicken”
“Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.”
“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather….
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car….”
“If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?”
“He who laughs last thinks slowest”
“Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.”
“i souport publik edekasion”
“We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.”
“Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?”
“Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy.”
“All generalizations are false.”
“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.”
“Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.”
“Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.”
Seen on an old, beat-up car: “This is not an abandoned vehicle.”
“Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death”
“Cover me. I’m changing lanes.”
“As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools”
“The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.”
“Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep”
“Work is for people who don’t know how to fish”
“I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.”
“Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.”
“It’s as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.”
“If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.”
“I Brake For No Apparent Reason.”- Bumper sticker
“Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.”
“Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.”
“Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.”
“It’s not what your are, it’s what you don’t become that hurts.â€
Oscar Levant
“Insanity – a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.â€
R. D. Laing
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.â€
Albert Einstein
“Sanity in a world of insanity is insaneâ€
“There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.â€
Oscar Levant
“If you’re alone, I’ll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I’ll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be meâ€
“Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.â€
Albert Einstein
“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.â€
Albert Einstein
“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.
Albert Einstein
“If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enoughâ€
Albert Einstein
“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.â€
Albert Einstein
“If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?â€
Albert Einstein
“Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted.â€
Albert Einstein
“Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.â€
Albert Einstein
“The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm but because of those who look at it without doing anythingâ€
Albert Einstein
“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.â€
Albert Einstein
“The value of a man should be seen in what he gives and not in what he is able to receive.â€
Albert Einstein
“In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.â€
Oscar Wilde
“The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.â€
Bruce Feirstein
“Insanity is the only sane reaction to an insane society.â€
Thomas Szas
“One man’s insanity is another man’s genius; someday the world will recognize the genius in my insanity.â€
“What is insanity, anyway? Is it when you scream and everyone else whispers, or is it when you fight for what’s right, even when everyone else thinks you’re wrong?â€
Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own beliefs
I believe that’s enough for now. Unless you want me to continue…? Didn’t think so. Few people willingly choose torture. There are a few, but ‘few’ generally means they aren’t the majority, doesn’t it?
My bio teacher.
“Imagine you chopped off your finger, put it in the ground and it grew into a baby.”
“Famous ruins, Mayan ruins, what culture?”
“These are hieroglyphics. If you read them, they say, ‘Study, do well on your progress reports.'”
“If they have different answers it’s called wrong.”
“Flip every page from chapter 26 to chapter 34 and look at all the pretty pictures. Keep flipping. If you finish early, write down the name of every animal in the book.” [This was about two hundred fifty pages. In the space of seven minutes. We were supposed to get something out of this activity, apparently.]
“You don’t want to take your gluteus maximus and replace it with somebody else’s.”
And a dialogue:
Mr. H: [puts test answers up on overhead] Everyone should be copying these down.
B: Mr. H, I haven’t taken the test yet.
H: I know. Just write down the answers.
B: …But isn’t that cheating?
H: No.
D: Mr. H, I have a question.
H: Sorry, can’t help you.
He’d make a good GAPA.
278.1- Oh, flarpini, I didn’t WANT anyone to know it was me! And, not to sound like a total idiot, but how the noodle did you figure it out? The source of the quote is somnething I despise, and the last thing I want is for people to think I frequent it. That is why I did not say where I got the quote from.
The avatar. It’s the same avatar that was with your name on a post over on the random thread, I believe.
284 – I’m not sure I’d trust him with such an esteemed position, but he’d certainly be a better GAPA than he is a biology teacher.
Another good one that I forgot:
“And if you put it in the blender, it all goes back together! But don’t try this with your pets, unless you have a pet sponge!”
“What part of 1+1=10 don’t you understand?!”
-A friend, joking with me about the binary system
285.1- Oh. I was experamenting with different avatars.
People have said here that they think asking people with “7 pages of quotes” etc. was a bad idea.
That’s nothing, people. Try FIFTY pages. And I know where to find more. THIS IS MY HOBBY! I collect the darn things! So, if you would be so kind as to supply me with more?
Wow, that made sense not a bit!
Let’s hope God grades on a curve.
I would like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Can you think of another word for “synonym”?
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. -Blaise Pascal
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience. -Doug Larson
A free society is a place where it’s safe to be unpopular. -Adlai Stevenson
I’m a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it. -Thomas Jefferson
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. -Theophile Gautier
Wise men talk because they have something to say, fools talk because they have to say something. – Plato
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.- Dennis Wholey
Though these actions you may deplore,
I am, my friend, an omnivore.
built to eat both plant and meat
not merely the grass beneath my feet.
I may slaugter the bovine masses,
but I, dear sir, don’t eat their grasses.
Killing them quickly is better, by far,
than taking their food and letting them starve.
And you, dear reader, I’m telling you now,
eat a vegan, save a cow.
[Name snipped.]
Hemlock is poisonous, and so are those berries,
poison ivy and oak, and – hey, those aren’t cherries!
There are all sorts of plants which no one can eat,
not so when we devor our various meats.
meats have more nutrients, taste, and, of course,
they fill you up better than a mouthful of gorse.
They may not like it, but please be kind now.
Save a vegan, feed them a cow.
–[Name snipped.]
Just FYI, I do NOT condone the eating of vegans! Meat, on the other hand – YUMMY.
“They laughed at the Wright Brothers. They laughed at Columbus. But the also laughed at Bozo the Clown.” -Carl Sagan.
Oddity is pedigree.
Oopsie! Sorry, GAPAS, I didn’t mean to leave the name in.
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power. -Abraham Lincoln
Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak ones. -Charles Caleb Colton
Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. -Yogi Berra
When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or any other kind of dogmas or goals, it’s always because these dogmas or goals are in doubt. -Robert T. Pirsig
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. -Woody Allen
A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in. -Greek proverb
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it. – Sam Levenson
Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. -Jonathan Kozol
To hurt someone you know will forgive you is the unkindiest thing of all. – Robert Brault
People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. -Kierkegaard
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. -Rita Mae Brown
The most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed. – Steve Biko
A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have.- Gerald Ford
Nothing is foolproof given a sufficiently talented fool.
Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell. -John Nichols
If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are gone, either write things worth reading or do things worth writing. -Benjamin Franklin
An atheist is a person who has no invisible means of support.
Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it’s cowardice -George Jackson
The believer is happy; the doubter is wise. -Hungarian proverb
Every saint has a past and every sinner a future. -Oscar Wilde
Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one. – Malcolm S. Forbes
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. -Aristotle
No army can withstand the strength of an idea whose time has come. -Victor Hugo
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything they learned in school. – Albert Einstein
The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. -H.L. Mencken
The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back. -Abigail Van Buren
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. -Indira Gandhi
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it. -Mary Little
There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest. -Elie Wiesel
Fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim. -George Santayana
Probably right. Now I think about it, seven pages isn’t that long. But still, was it wise inviting these people with seven/fifty/ no clue how many pages?
No. Not at all. But we of the large quote collections thank you for your silliness!
Regardless of how many pages you have, if you actually want people to read them, you’re better off posting a handful of quotations at a time.
Yes, I know, but it’s so much fun to post a lot at a time!
“Do you people even wonder why I don’t have a mouth? Look, I’m talking, but no mouth! Isn’t it strange?
To any of you?
Yes?! No?!”
-Sonic 2K6 fan-dub bloopers
“You can serve Germany, or the Fuhrer, not both.”
-Valkyrie
“And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and-”
“Skip a bit, brother.”
-Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Well, I shall now endeavor to pick only a few lines and post them here. You people are cruel!
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place ?
One who walks in another’s tracks leaves no footprints. -Proverb
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. -Ambrose Redmoon
Discipline without freedom is tyranny; freedom without discipline is chaos. -Cullen Hightower
2 rules to success in life: (1) Don’t tell people everything you know.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don’t think.
And that is it! I was thinking before that I would NEVER manage that! But never comes a great deal sooner than one might think!
“So, on my roof, in big letters, I painted: ‘Skydivers- shut up and jump!'” – some guy from another site.
“True friends like you no matter what your feet smell like.”
-Me
This one doesn’t make any sense out of context, but I cracked up when I read it.
“Well, I got a pizza and a shower out of it.”
“Pizza? Did it have a sheep’s stomach on it?”
-City of Secrets
“As for you and the things you said and didn’t say, she will remember them all, when men are fairy tales in books written by rabbits.”
-The Last Unicorn
299- I loved The Last Unicorn. Did you know they made it into a movie?
117 (I-man) Is that first quote from Life of Brian? *loves that movie*
Yesterday:
Me: *forgets calculator* *goes to get diary signed*
Maths teacher: *locates pen* *sees I haven’t put the time in* Have you got a watch?
Me: No. (I do, but it was at home)
Mr B: Well, when Christmas comes you know what to ask for!
(And I didn’t even need my calculator, because I was still converting percentages to decimals and fractions when the bell went, so good excuse to get out of maths for a bit. And find a quote)
And:
PE teacher: *sees tennis ball on other side of tennis court fence* How did THAT get there? Photosynthesis? Osmosis? Through-the-fence-osis?
Substite religion teacher: If you’re going to pretend you’re not working, do it QUIETLY. (As she said, no wonder she’s not the regular religion teacher)
French teacher: My maths teacher when I was a kid…
Girl at back of class: You were a KID? (Okay, so he is rather old, but still)
As I said on a random thread, I keep a book of weird teacher quotes.
(300, 299) The Last Unicorn is one of my favorites, too. It’s highly quotable.
Is the movie good? I haven’t seen it. It certainly had an all-star cast.
302- I didn’t like the movie, but I know Vixen did.
302- Lets just say it’s for little kids.
True, the movie is much softer and the music is rather dreadful, but I still sobbed over the ending when I first saw it in my 20s.
I think I first saw it when I was about 5… I became obsessed with it for a year or so, annoyed my brother to death. That was the only thing that was, you know, “girly” about me. (I loved unicorns. Still do, except now I’ve read the book too.)
That’s too bad, because the book is witty and poetic in ways that small children couldn’t appreciate, and it sounds as if people who see the movie would be unlikely to read it. It reminds me of The Princess Bride, but it has sad undercurrents beneath the humor.
In fact, I’d say there’s a similar softening from book to movie as in The Princess Bride. There’s still a fair amount of wit and occasional poetry in The Last Unicorn screenplay, which was written by Beagle and contains many lines from the book. He himself gave the film high marks, even though legal wrangling over royalties continues to this day.
304.1- Yes, the music is horrible. Especially that “I’m Alive” song.
“Can you see her?
How she sparkles?
It’s the last unicorn!
I’m alive!
I’m ali-i-i-ive!”
“The science gets done
and you make a neat gun
for the people who are still alive.”
-the computer game Portal
“He bought these pigs… ‘We’re gonna make millions with these pigs,’ he said… And then, when he got bored with them… I think we ate them in the end.”
306- Woah, I have absolutely no idea where that’s from….
“Look at me, I’m a pilot, I’m pushing all the wrong buttons!” -Number 4, Kids Next Door. (No offense to anyone here who is a pilot.)
It is easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them. -Alfred Adler (1870-1937)
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. -Josh Billings
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? -Ed Dussault
I’ll race you to China. You can have a head start. Ready, set, GO!
A hangover: the wrath of grapes.
And tonight, my favorite:
Hlade’s Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person — they will find an easier way to do it.
I like this one because I have found it to be true. I am lazy, and I do NOT like having to walk up and down the basement stairs numerous times to put groceries away (or having to take many trips to get them in from the car in the first place) so I am now able to carry 8 bags of groceries on one hand, and four in the other (I need a way to open the door) unless there is a lot of milk, in which case it is 5 and 4.
Pointless bit of info about me.
309- Coolio!
310- Which part, exactly, was “coolio”?
My friend: “If you knew an airplane was going to be hijacked and you got transported back in time to the airport when the bad guys were boarding, what would you do?”
Me: “Do I get anything to prove I’m from the future?”
My friend: “No, you’re naked, like in Terminator.”
Me: “I’d run up to a security guard, point to the hijackers and shout ‘Arrest those guys, they stole my clothes!'”
311- The part about how many bags you can carry. I can only manage up to 4 in each arm, and that’s if they’re not very full. If they have handles, though, it’s a quite another matter.
312-Hee.
“I make what I see. It’s only the problem of seeing it.”
-Alexander Calder
“You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest… WITH… A HERRING!”
-Monty Python and the Holy Grail
312- HA!
313- who said anything about no handles? I’m not NUTS!
If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday?
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Two negatives do, in fact, make a positive. A punch in the face is a negative thing, yes? Then two punches, one from him followed by one from me, would make a positive! – Me
Two negatives make a positive if you multiply them. If you add them, however, the result is still negative. I think punching someone back counts as addition.
Nope, ’cause if you punch someone, they see double! That’s multiplying by two! And the negative-positive thing also works for division, and I would divide their teeth! Or their head, though that deserves no exclamation point.
314-Migrating coconuts!
“The plumber may move south for warmer weather in the winter, but this does not make them strangers to our land.”
“Are you trying to suggest coconuts migrate?!”
Every other post has my little polar bear avatar on it! I love that bear!
Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both. -OscarWilde
The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. – Benjamin Mays
Never enough time, unless you’re serving it.
Kindess, a language deaf people can hear and blind can see.
Each snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty. -Stanislaw J. Lee
Actually, this last one reminds me of the poem “Riddle.” Anybody read it?
315- Well, I AM!
“‘Cause everyone was making fun of him and saying he’s scary and stuff (which is true), but I wanted to make him feel like one of the guys. So I said ‘Na-na-na-na-na you can’t get me! Hee-hee-hee-hee-ha-ha!’ I was wrong.”
-Scooby Stories, Episode 1
318- I am nuts, but only in some areas. Not in that one.
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like? -Jean Cocteau
Make friends before you need them.
Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn’t.
Nobody can be just like me. Even I have trouble.
If others have sinned you need not mention it.
“She was quite cheery, considering she was standing in the middle of an ancient graveyard with a large piece of a human skull in her hand.”
–paraphrased from Forever in Blue
“Did you ever wonder how Gorbachev got that mark on his head?”
*Plays video of a kid walking into a lamp post* -One of the first episodes of America’s Funniest Home Videos.
320- Ooh, I like that one!
Life is too important to be taken seriously. – Oscar Wilde
Help stamp out, remove and abolish redundancy.
A lie in time saves nine.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. – Steven Wright
Television is an invention whereby you can be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn’t have in your house. -David Frost
Some of the world’s greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible. -Doug Larson
He who throws mud loses ground.
From the SpaceVidcast chat box just before the shuttle launch earlier today:
Me: “I’m watching this in computer class with my friends.”
Jeph: “Hi, Kai’s computer class!”
CarbonX: “Hey, computer class!”
OM: “Hey, all you kids watching this- when you grow up, remember to vote all the politicians who don’t support this out of office!”
Me: “OM, you’re embarrassing me!”
Some random visitor: “That’s my tax dollars! I’m so happy that I paid for this!”
Somebody else: “I paid for this.”
Another somebody else: “I paid for this.”
Some other person: “I paid for this.” etc.
Me: “My parents paid for this!”
My sister: *poses like Statue of Liberty* “See, I’m holding a blowtorch, just like the Statue of Liberty!”
“Name your terms, Mr. Turner.”
“Elizabeth goes free!”
“Yes, we know that one – anything else?”
325- where’s that from?
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘Eureka!’ but ‘That’s funny…’ – Isaac Asimov
If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
My favorite for today:
My brother: “Why shouldn’t I spray this near the stove?” (Gas stove, flame on)
My mother: “Because the air freshener is flammable.”
Brother: “So?’
236 – It’s a Pirates of the Caribbean movie, I’m not sure which. The first one, maybe, seeing as it sounds familiar and that’s the only one I’ve seen in the past few months.
“You know, when you walk around around with “Abercrombie” on your butt, you kinda look like a walking billboard!”
–Mr. Phillips, my friend’s teacher
“Let’s go find something flammable and blow it up!”
-my pyromaniac friend
“You don’t have a choice about it, kid. It’s volunteer or be volunteered.”
-another one of my friends
“So we have five girls and three boys…”
“I don’t count as a girl!”
“Sorry, Armada, but you don’t count as a boy either.”
-conversation at my book club yesterday
“So one of the first rules in using this piece of equipment is: never do what I’m doing right now.”
-the instruction video for something–a blender I think
“M-mommy! Popcorn! Radishes! Intermission!”
-you don’t want to know
I’m a pyromaniac too! But I don’t like blowing up kitchens (like my brother apparently does). What would we EAT? I like food more than fire. What would that be? A foodomaniac?
The best labor saving device is doing it tomorrow.
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
People are like teagbags, you never know how strong they’ll be until they’re in hot water.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, you’re taking life too seriously. – Sanjay Udani
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving in words evidence of the fact. -George Eliot
“I see stars…”
“We’re in space, he sees stars, this is good!”
“…and purple elephants flying around…”
“Elephants…not so good.”
-Outernet (too lazy to make sure that the quote is accurate.)
“But that’s all you can do! That’s all any of us can do! Pretend! That’s all there is!”
–Lora, Impromptu, by Tad Mosel
“Don’t ask questions, Tony. You’ll only make yourself unhappy.”
–Lora, Impromptu
Ernest: “My boy. This is a very serious step you are about to take. Marriage is the most important event in a man’s life. In a woman’s, too. Be sure, my children, be terribly sure, that you love each other. Enough.”
Winifred: “Of course she loves my son. Women have always been attracted to him. When he was three, his governess slit her throat for unrequited love.”
Lora: “Oh, I do love him, I do, I do, I do! Just the sight of him–the sound of his voice, the touch of his hand, the way his eyes crinkle up at the corners when he smiles!”
Winifred: “How sticky can you get?”
Lora: “Wasn’t that line all right? It’s a sentimental comedy.”
Winifred: “It’s a farce.”
Ernest: “You’re both wrong. It’s a drama!”
—Impromptu
Oh god, my Impromptu quotes abound. It’s in my blood now, and will be for months and months. But that’s enough for now.
“You remind me of a small casserole. Has anyone ever told you that before?”
—Dead Man’s Cell Phone
Me: “Arf?”
C: “Arf arf?”
Me: “Arf arf arf arf arf?”
C: “Beat that!”
“To turn the computer into a compooper, press control P.”
-me
Who are you? I don’t recognise your name. Are you new?
Mystery quoootes!
“Werefor you knowing it?”
“Mickey the idiot, the world is in your hands.”
“I Break A Few Rocket Ships”
Hmmmm… “I Break A Few Rocket Ships” sounds like a chapter title from a “Percy Jackson and the Olympians” book.
Yep, it’s in Titan’s Curse.
Here are some from Gilligans Isle (the movie):
Skipper: *wakes up G.*Gilligan, I can’t sleep with all that snoring !!
G: What snoring ? I can’t hear anything !
The professor: We’ve been rowing for 3 days: as far as I can tell, we’ve completed a big circle.
G: I thought those waves looked familiar.
Ginger (the movie star): …there are so many four letter words (in this script) !
G: She’s right, Skipper ! This, that, then,they, there- oh no, that’s a five letter word.
*is to lazy to watch again*
“Why on Earth do people want to get INTO a school? I’m working very hard so I can get OUT! If doing well in school means more school, what is my incentive to do well?” – me, ranting about the ridiculous “good college” thing. Not that I have anything against learning, but REALLY!
“Yeah, I always thought it would be fun to live on the streets.” – my friend, in response to the above statement.
Me: “Why a rhinoceros?”
Some kid in my class: “Why NOT a rhinoceros?”
From a list of “Cool Planes and Why They Are Cool” on another site, author unknown:
“The Space Shuttle- it’s a PLANE that goes into SPACE!”
“Who said anything about looking for a treasure? There are a lot of words that start with a T and end with an E. Like telephone. Or tictactoe.” -Trap Stilton.
Geronimo Stilton! My brother loves those books!
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.- Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.- Groucho Marx
Funny people… How jealous I am.
Heh… I have the second quote on a bookmark. It still cracks me up every time I see it.
I used to read them when I was younger and I still have a few on my bookshelf.
334.1- That was me. Sorry, I was talkoing to a friend about possible alter egos.
Hmmm… quotes? My favorie would have to be…
“Tuesday is coming, did you bring your coat?”
“I live in a giant bucket.”
340- I would advise against using that AE.
“The sky is dripping on my nose.” – Me
“Sanity is overrated.” – Me again!
342– Ha! Sanity is overrated. And the one about the sky would make an extremely good poem.
Some lovely quotes from me:
“When I am bored, I sit in front of the computer and refresh the page over and over again. I find it very relaxing and refreshing.”
“You forgot to kill him.”
“Well, what do you expect, considering they thought they were walruses.”
Me: What about Maxwell? How do you think he feels?!
Kayla: He must be very special: they wrote a song about him.
Me: Yeah, well, it kinda disturbs me that the Beatles wrote songs about serial killers.
Rob: I’m telling you, Satch, there’s no Karl McCartney!
Satchell: Oh… so I guess there’s no Ringo Stalin either?
–paraphrased,Get Fuzzy, Darby Conley
(Quizzing my friend to prepare for the AP exam)
Me: “Okay, now tell me who led the Russian revolution.”
Her: “John Lennon.”
(To be fair, the two names are pronounced the same.)
Some quotes form the WoT books:
“It’s time to toss the dice.”
-Mat Cauthon
“Bloody dice.”
-Mat Cauthon
“Husband, you are not my enemy.”
-Tuon (The DoNMs)
“Thank you for reminding me of the old saying; teach it how it will, a pig will never play the flute.”
-Thom Merrillin, when trying to teach Mat to play the flute.
“You speak the Old Tongue?!”
-anyone that meets Mat
“Bloody Dark One’s own luck.”
-Anyone who plays dice against Mat
“We need Mat Cauthon’s luck today.”
-Birgette Silverbow
“I don’t regularly go to places where there is dicing.”
-Elayne Trakand, Daughter-Heir of Andor
“Bloody Shadowspawn!”
-any Whitecloak
Haha the WoT (Wheel of Time) is a really great series, and Mat and Tuon are my fave characters. Light!
I started that series…..Unfortunately, I don’t htink I ever got around to finishing it. ’tis very long. I’ll have to return to them at some point. It’s been a few years, so I’d have to return to the beginning.
Awesome! WoT rox! But RJ’s dead and now I’m going to look up some books by the author they chose to finish the twelfth and last book, so I can read them and decide whether he’ll be likely to do a good job on AMoL or not. AMoL=A Memory of Light, the twelfth book, which will be in three parts. The Gathering Storm (I think that’s what the title is), the first installment, is coming out this November!!!!
“I will be keeping my eye on our government’s money, and off your perfectly formed arse.”
“You noticed.”
-Vesper and Bond, Casino Royale
“Oops.”
-Le Chiffre, Casino Royale
“Ron would like me to tell you that Seamus told him that Dean was told by Pavarti that Hagrid’s looking for you.”
“Is that right? Well you can tell him- what?”
-Hermione and Harry, Goblet of Fire
“You’re a right foul git, you know that?”
“You think so?”
“I know so!”
“Anything else?”
“-Yeah, stay away from me!”
-Harry and Ron, Goblet of Fire
“So what do you think?”
“That we’re out of a job.”
“Don’t you mean ‘extinct’?”
-Ellie, Grant, and Malcom in Jurassic Park
“That’s three Galleons, nine Sickles, and a Knut. Cough up.”
“I’m your brother!”
“And that’s our stuff you’re knicking. Three Galleons, nine Sickles. I’ll knock off the Knut.”
-Fred and Ron in Half-Blood Prince
“I have seen the light!… Well, part of the light. A… small hole in the darkness! Umm… A star in the cloudy sky!-well, you get the idea.”
-My friend
The setting is the start. The story hangs from that hook, and the characters move slowly around one another.
Each piece has its own shape and size.
The characters think they see the wires that connect them.
But that isn’t posible.
Or is it?
Who makes the rules?
-The Calder Game
“I aimed at the public’s heart, and by accident, I hit it in the stomach.”
-Upton sinclair
SFTDP
“But the place is free.”
“See, that’s another thing. They should have a cover charge and keep out the riff-raff.”
-Hobbes and Calvin, referring to the universe
“Bookmarks are not to be eaten, though they taste quite good.”
– Animorphs
It’s all fun and games until someone fireballs a comrade. Then there’s more fun.
-the DM in some D&D game that electros transcribed for me (but I’m sure I’ve heard a similar quote somewhere else too)
Or until the DM’s brother peers over the screen and yells out spoilers. (happened to me)
Haha. I remember when I was used to read all the D&D material we had, and as a result I knew what was going to happen. And then there was the time I was DM… It only happened once, because I didn’t understand what was going on, and had to keep asking my dad for help.
…How can you not understand what’s going on? You’re the DM. You control what’s going on.
Or did you mean you didn’t understand the rules?
Indeed, the rules can be quite confusing. I was a stranger to them mostly until I bought a big fat book about being a DM. And then the next edition came out the next month.
We’re still playing 3.0, as far as I know. I’m still a bit of a newbie to it, tho.
Rules are extremely confusing at first, I must agree.
Another nice thing about nested comments: you can go completely off-topic without hijacking the entire thread!
Yes, this i s a quite nice conversation we’re having. It would seem no MBer is really too into D&D. I play 4.0, but now I believe they’re into 5.0.
No, they’re in 4.0 right now. It goes: 1.0 (Gygax and Arneson invented this), 2.0, 3.0, 3.5 (practically identical to 3.0 except for a few spells that were really powerful… or something, that’s why they didn’t change the number entirely), and 4.0.
Are you sure? I could’ve sworn they changed it up after I bought the 4.0 version…hmmm…I’ll have to look it up some time when I don’t have homework. *Procrastinates*.
I didn’t know what I was doing. I was playing with a template of sorts, and I kept reading all the spoilers aloud and then realizing that I wasn’t supposed to reveal it until later. In other words, I didn’t understand the rules.
-sigh- D&D was so much fun. But I could never get my parents to play with me, and the very idea of playing with my schoolmates is horrifying for some reason I don’t understand in the slightest, since I’ve nothing against my schoolmates.
There’s some sort of ingrained, instinctive prejudice against telling your peers you regularly act out the role of a Tolkienic creature and beat up orcs with dice. No matter how fun it is. By the way, which edition are you most familiar with?
Wow, fast moderation. The GAPAs must be online right now.
Hmmm… I want to post something intelligent to keep the conversation going, but all I can think to say is: I agree.
Well, there’s two basic unfavorable responses that you might get:
“HUR HUR, NEEERD”
and
“OMG SATANIST!!!!1!!!11”
although the latter is less common these days.
Yes. Luckily among a group of friends I am in, though they view D&D as nerdly, its almost a respectable thing. Hard to explain without having you meet them, but…
No, no, my friend L actually plays. And so do various other people. I think it’s the other people that bother me; I think a part of me still has the deep-rooted terror of people my age, esp. those whom I don’t know very well or who are not theater kids.
So the semi-anti-social game is canceled due to anti-sociality (or would it be aniti-socialness?)
That happened when I was playing with my friend. She was playing AND being the DM at the same time (we only have three people, which makes for terrible dungeon faring, unless all the monsters were level -3), and her cheating was so bad at one point she said…
“Okay, you all leave the room…*pauses to read manual of premade dungeon*…Waitwaitwait! I run back into the room, and look under the third mushroom on the left, getting two pieces of amber which are worth 50 gold each. You don’t get any.” I just ended up glaring at her…
Oh Heironeous, the dreaded DMPC. That’s metagaming at its worst… someone needs to teach your friend the difference between CHARACTER and PLAYER knowledge.
I agree. We tried to explain, but none of us was really too much into it, I have to admit.
We used to play with my mom, my dad, and I, which meant that although we used three characters, my dad was DMing and therefore his character was unable to do anything but go along with what the other characters decided.
None of my characters got very far, since we never played, but I always wanted to play and had no one to play with, so I spent the excess D&D enthusiasm creating new characters and then drawing pictures of them, and then going through a few months later and getting rid of all my old characters, and making new ones. I don’t think I played more than four or five times, and I must have made dozens of characters.
Wow. That seems frighteningly similar to my experiences. Musers think alike.
Thirded! I played D&D with my family a few times, but the rules were very confusing. I think It’d be nice to have a D&D party though.
We could set up a game… but we’d have to have a thread of our own, there would be all the inconveniences of dice rolling (which would have to be on an honor system anyway), plus the fact that only a few of us would be interested… I don’t see the GAPAs going for it.
It could also either be made into a D&D rpg-role-playing thread, or if some sort of program could be found similar to the chess… and I don’t mean complicated, just a die number generator. There’s plenty of them out there.
Yeah, I’ve found one… won’t link to it, as I’m not sure what the GAPAs’ verdict will be, but anyone who googles “d20 dice bag” will easily discover it.
I found it. It is a useful program, but unfortunately its not embeddable, I don’t think.
GAAH! POSOC! The comments have gotten so sidetracked (to the side of the page) that the reply buttons are disappearing! This conversation may come to an unwanted halt.
That’s a good point. Since it’s not embeddable, we’d have to work on an honor system. Of course, it would get suspicious if someone rolled 5 20s in a row, but there would still be room for deception.
And this conversation won’t necessarily come to an end. The comments still line up chronologically.
Heh- if this wasn’t a nested-comment system, the GAPAs would have forced us to end this conversation long ago… Time, perhaps, for a new thread?
I second that motion! GAPAs? Are you listening?
I already suggested a more general “RPG discussion thread” on the Suggestion Box, but it was met with apathy by my fellow MBers. That would be a good starting point.
As I saw. Blasted Nested comments! Almost missed Vendeval’s post!
Yeah, I think we do need an RPG discussion thread…
Although, really, it’s up to the amazing, beauteous, cool, dumbfoundingly excellent, friendly, great, honorable, infinitely jolly, kind, lovely, marvelous, nice, obliging, pleasant, quadruple, really swell, totally undeniably virtuous, welcoming, (oh cake it… xyz) Administrators whether or not we get one.
[/SHAMELESS GROVELING] Thank Bo for Thesaurus.com.
…
We now return you to your regularly scheduled topic.
…
“Outside of a dog, books are man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” -Groucho Marx.
“It is better to remain silent and be thought of as a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” -I don’t remember.
Or sister. It can be quite problematic. Or even sometimes, the whole thing is just a terribly put together custom dungeon, and the game ends on account of stupidity.
He was joking, actually. Exact text of the exchange:
DM’s Brother: Don’t do it!! He has a +5 sword of Smiting and Biting and-
DM: We’re not even fighting!
Naturally, Princess Bride jokes ensued. We are a silly bunch.
Who isn’t, around these parts?
Miss Wormwood: What state do you live in?!
Calvin: Denial!
Miss Wormwood (to herself): Well, I can’t argue with that…
“I am one of the most obnoxious people I know.” -Me
Mr Collins: Am I not now to learn that it is the habit of elegant females… I don’t know why, I just love his proposal to Lizzie. He won’t take no for an answer. Actually, he sounds like my classmates begging for the answers for a test. They just won’t believe that I won’t give them out.
Boss: Our goal is to do more with less.
Wally: Less motivation?
Boss: I can’t be any more specific.
Wally: Less communication?
–Dilbert
“Can you smell it?”
“*sniff* Yeah, smells like $40,000 a year.”
-Transformers 2
“Take my hand.”
-Ginny, Half Blood Prince movie
The following was actually said on Apollo 17 and recorded on film…
Capcom: “And, 17; we’d like to have you guys… driving in 10 minutes, please.”
Astronaut Jack Schmitt: “Nag, nag, nag.”
Capcome: “That’s right, that’s right, that’s right.”
“Long time no see, Sonic… my loathsome copy!”
-Metal Overlord, Sonic Heroes
“Ha ha, you said it, kiddo! It’s yours. Satisfaction guaranteed! If you don’t love it, you get your money back!”
“Oh, I looooooooove it!”
-Ice cream man and Chip in Sonic Unleashed
“The only thing cooler than going to the ice cream man… is being the ice cream man.”
“If I had ever had a classroom like this, I might have once actually done some homework in my life.”
-both Adam Gertler from an episode of Will Work For Food
“My hovercraft is full of eels”
He was a little nutty, but Frank Loyd Wright was a great architect and he said some priceless things…
Judge: “Who do you think is the greatest architect who has ever lived?”
Wright: “Me, of course.” *Laughter* “I swore to the bailiff I’d tell the truth.”
Some client, over the phone: “The roof of the house you built for me is leaking! I’m having a dinner party and water just poured onto my head!”
Wright: “Move your chair.”
“What I really need is sign to wear on my forehead that says: ‘Is Confuzzled’.”
I made badges that say that.
“When can I eat that fish?”
“No, Gir. The fish is part of the plan.”
-Zim and Gir in Invader Zim
“I can answer for myself”, Nathaniel growled. He found it particularly annoying to be interrupted by his own larynx.
-Ptolemy’s Gate (really, don’t ask)
“God hates bigots.” – A sign I saw in a photo.
“And I am, the master of editing, the GOD of Sony Vegas, I AM – Eric.”
343- I love your quotes! And a poem:
The sky is dripping on my nose.
I just hope it never snows.
For snow is colder, and on my head,
I’d like a snout that isn’t red.
So I sit here, getting wet,
‘Cause Mommy hasn’t called me yet.
The rain comes down, that’s how it goes,
The sky is dripping on my nose.
Bah phooey. I did it again. Ordinarily, I would ignore it and hope no one noticed, but I worked hard on that poem!
It’s a good poem!
363.1.1) Thank you. And in case my late-at-night post (363.1) was incomprehensible to anyone, I am I am NOT me!, but I messed up, AGAIN! But I’ve been guessed on the AE thread, so it’s OK.
I really need more sleep…
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. – Martin Luther King, Jr.
It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. – Emiliano Zapata
Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves. -Lord Byron
Never comes much more quickly than one would care to believe. – Me
Ice cream cures all ills, but barbecue chips insure that you don’t remember that you had ills in the first place. – Me again
Never wear a penguin on your head. – Mememememe! (That’s a line from The Joys of Silence: Advice for a Recovering Chatterbox, which is something I am writing for a friend who has troubles with people who talk during class.
“Duct tape is like The Force- it has a dark side and a light side and it holds everything together.” -BkWingZero.
“Is there any such thing as an unsinkable ship? Sure, one that’s already sunk.” -Dr. Robert Ballard.
The only think I remember from the Dragon Ball TV show:
Ninja: “That lake is full of piranhas!”
Kid: “Full of pajamas?”
And I can’t spell! “Insure” is supposed to be “ensure” but oh well.
Some people change when they see the light, others when they feel the heat. – Caroline Schoeder
History teaches that grave threats to liberty often come in times of urgency, when constitutional rights seem too extravagant to endure. -Thurgood Marshall
The foolish and the dead alone never change their opinions. -James Russell Lowell
You do not examine legislation in the light of the benefits it will convey if properly administered, but in the light of the wrongs it would do and the harms it would cause if improperly administered. -Lyndon B. Johnson
I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies. -Pietro Aretino
“It is not necessary that you get to the top of the mountain. It IS necessary that you get to the BOTTOM of the mountain in one piece.” -Ed Vestures.
“How did he die?”
“Your contact? Not well.”
“You needn’t worry, the second is-” *is shot*
“Yes… considerably.”
“Four go down!”
“But do four come up?”
“Don’t be so mean.”
*pause* “Place your bets!”
“Any bets?”
“Did… did you see that?!”
“No, and neither did you, so shut up!”
“Don’t tell me. You’re from outer space.”
“No, I’m from Iowa. I only work in outer space.”
“This woman has immediate postprandial upper abdominal distention! Out of the way… get out of the way.”
“What did you say she’s got?”
“Cramps.”
“How’s the patient, Doctor?”
“He’s gonna make it!”
“He? You came in with a she!”
“One little mistake…”
368- Hah! The last 4 were from Star Trek: The Voyage Home! I absolutely LOVE that movie! And those are my favorite lines too! The whole movie is funny, though. The whole idea, I mean. I also like the part where someone says something about this probe coming all that way to talk to whales.
It would indeed be ironic if, in the name of national defence, we would sanction the subversion of one of those liberties which make the defence of our nation worthwhile. -Earl Warren
A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience. – Miguel de Cervantes
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and the government when it deserves it. -Mark Twain
You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses. -Ziggy
All roses have thorns. You just don’t notice them until they make you bleed.
Yeah, it was my favorite too. There was also another one I liked:
“Spock, where the hell’s that power you promised?”
“One **** minute, Admiral.”
And the whole Chekov captured thing-
“Scotty, now would be a good time.”
“Oh, can I go then?”
“Cloaking device now available on all flight modes.”
“I’m impressed. That’s a lot of work for one voyage.”
“We are in an enemy vessel, captain. I do not wish to be shot down on our way to our own funeral.”
“Good thinking.”
and I also liked that one in the hospital where McCoy was like, “Dyalisis? My god, what is this – the Dark Ages?”
1st was Chekov and Kirk, yes?
And the part where McCoy was trying to talk to Spock about death. “You mean I have to die to talk to you?” or words to that effect.
365) Or like gorilla tape *shudders* We fixed some spectra shrouds with gorilla, duct and sail tape, but now they need to be unspliced and for that, all the tape must come off. Guess who had to unstick it- you´re right. It took me an afternoon to get the tape of the shrouds, and two days to get it off my hands.
Okay, here’s a list of my all time favourite quotes (could be long):
Give peace a chance. – John Lennon
With our love (With our lo-ove) we could save the world… – George Harrison
You must be the change you wish to see in the world. – Ghandi
For most of history, ‘Anonymous’ was a woman. – Virginia Woolf
The sky is dripping on my nose. – crazyquotescollector
Don’t talk to dead people; they might give you ice cream. -Jon
Watch out for muffin trees; they get you every time! – Jon (always looking out for me. )
The Anonymous Shadow in Your Closet: Alright, I have caved. I wanted to see what kind of avatar I’d get with this made up email and whether anyone could guess me. Ok, go for it!
Me: I have an anonymous shadow in my closet? *is afraid*
TASIYC: Yes you do. Don’t be afraid, though, I’m mostly harmless.
“F.D.’s [codename for our teacher] so stupid that she goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter and says, ‘Where’s my gumball?!’ -Lily
Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair: it occupies you, but it gets you nowhere. -Marlene, my friend’s mom
And some from cleverbot:
User: *sneezes in your face*.
Cleverbot: *wipes bogers off*.
————————————————–
Cleverbot: I’m Andrew. Who are you?
User: I’m the Jubjub bird.
—————————————–
I find that mildy disturbing. -Peace*
Spread wonder. -KaiYves
Mommy, where are all the dead people? – My friend’s sister
I can’t hear you, the sun’s in my eyes! -The Chinese teacher
Oh, my hand grenade doesn’t work? Throw it down the toilet. -From Muse
I’m hungry, oh wait, I’m eating. – Alison
Me: They should be watching Yellow Submarine!
Kate: But wouldn’t that scare them before nighty-night?
Shut your prerecorded mouth! – Tess
I want that guy’s doughnut. – Abby
I has been quoted! What a wonderful thing…
I also! I feel so unworthy…
“And you see, now am takink photo of President Putin in his ‘Teletubbies’ pajamas.” -Pitr from User Friendly.
“Do you want this doughnut?”
“No thanks. Do you have any fruit?”
“This has purple stuff inside it. Purple is a fruit.”
-Simpsons
Men will wrangle for religion, write for it, fight for it, die for it, anything but live for it. -Charles Caleb Cotton
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. – Thomas Edison
Wit is educated insolence. -Aristotle
“Every fight is a food fight when you are a cannibal.”
—————————————————- -Anonymous
“Lord Helmet!”
“WHAT??”
“You’re needed on the bridge, sir!”
“KNOCK ON MY DOOR, KNOCK NEXT TIME!”
-Colonel Sanders and Darth Helmet in Spaceballs
“So the combination is 12345… that’s the stupidest combination I ever heard in my life! That’s the kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!”
“Thank you, your Highness.”
“… What’d you do?”
“I turned off the wall.”
“No, you didn’t, you turned off the whole movie!”
“I must have hit the wrong button!”
“WELL PUT IT BACK ON!”
“Yes sir!” *he puts it back on*
“We gotta get that fixed sometime – We’re back! And we have the combination!”
-Helmet and Sanders in Spaceballs
“Very impressive, Lonestar. Too bad this isn’t the Wide World of Sports!”
-Helmet
((I immediately knew that it was Spaceballs….))
lol, isn’t it such a funny movie?
“Sanders, Sanders! You gotta help me! I’m not used to this! I can’t make decisions! I’M THE PRESIDENT!”
-President Skroob
“Excuse me, I’m trying to conduct a wedding here, which has nothing to do with love – please be quiet!”
-the priest at Vesper’s marriage
“We must say something historic.”
“How about ‘Die, toaster, die!’?”
“That works.”
-The Big Bang Theory.
Cleverbot:
User: Do you wear a hat.
Cleverbot: I never wear a hat.
User: Why not?
Cleverbot: I am immortal.
User: What is a mouse?
Cleverbot: Are you from india.
User: Three, actually.
Cleverbot: What makes you happy?
User: What do you think?
Cleverbot: I don’t think.
User: You live without thinking?
Cleverbot: How old are you?
User: Three billion.
Cleverbot: Are you human?
User: No. I am dancer.
Cleverbot: You are dancer.
User: I am. Are you human?
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: Funny, I thoght you were Cleverbot.
Cleverbot: Nice to meet you, Cleverbot.
“Correct! Three cheers for the stinky cheese!” – me
“Scott, you didn’t transport them into space?”
“Cap’n Kirk, that’d be inhuman!”
“Well where are they?”
“I gave ’em a very nice home, sir.”
“WHERE?”
“I gave ’em to the Klingons.”
-The Trouble With Tribbles
“What are you doing in this neck of the woods, Spock?”
“I am monitoring your progress.”
“I’m flattered, 12,000 points of interest in Yosemite and you pick me.”
-Kirk and Spock in Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
First quote = very funny, from a hilarious episode.
Second quote is also funny, but that movie wasn’t the greatest.
“If you are looking back at where you came from, you are likely to trip over where you’re going.” – Me
Failures are divided into two classes–those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought. -John Charles Salak
Efficiency is intelligent laziness. -David Dunham
Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought. -John F. Kennedy
Mystery quotes:
“This is your thirty-fifth attempt to get an emotional response out of me.”
“What are you doing in my territory?”
“Drowning?”
“Can’t you drown in your own territory?”
“Ah, but who would save me there?”
“The toaster grew an arm and stabbed me in the face!”
#1- Star Trek? Spock to…McCoy?
#2- Warriors? Don’t know what book. Probably first series.
#3- Something about toasters.
1. The Star Trek movie. Spock to some other Vulcans who were bullying him for being half human.
2. Fire and Ice (second book in original Warriors series).
3. xkcd.
“May I have your arm?”
“Arm, leg – I’m yours.”
-Goblet of Fire
I-Man, where’s that from? *is confuzzled*
Rainbow*Star- Ooh, I’m pretty good. Does Graystripe say that second one?
that one scene after the Yule Ball? Where Harry and Ron are sitting with the Patils? And that one Durmstrang guy was like, “May I have your arm?” “Arm, leg – I’m yours.”
Ohhhh! That’s right! Just please specify that the quote’s from the movie, as opposed to the book, ‘kay?
Yep. Dialogue between Graystripe and Silverstream, after she saves him from the river.
With the help of my imaginary cousin and my evil twin brother, I will save the world from certain death by ninja locusts that carry mini-machetes.
–Me
“Oh my god! It’s a machine-chete!”
“No! Not the machine-chete!”
“It’s a machine-chete! It’s a machine-chete! No!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!”
– Bay Con. Let’s Make A Movie! panel, 2009.
If anyone wants an explanation, I’ll gladly give them one. A machine-chete is a term coined by our director meaning a machine gun that shoots machetes.
383- Oh, how I envy people like you.
Don’t ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up. -Robert Frost
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to stay, abstains from giving us worthy evidence of the fact.- George Eliot
Re: that Robert Frost quote: I very much agree. What happens if there’s a Cerebus on the other side? Or we could look at it philosophically…
My brother: “There’s a g-g-ghost in the b-b-bathroom and I’m s-s-scared!”
Me: “(His name), you know we can’t afford a ghost!”
That was totally random, but we both laughed so hard.
Some dialogues with my class (R.):
R.: Where are we?
Me: R., when there’s a sign in front of you saying “Mauthausen” on it, where do you think we are?
R. : Umm…
Me: Okay, I give up.
Me: *peacefully eats sandwich in the KZ museum/memorial*
Dramatic kid: This is a place where people were killed; starved, worked to death… thousands died here. How can you cold-bloodedly eat your sandwich when there isn’t a spot here where somebody hasn’t died?
Me: All the talk of starvation was making me hungry. But if some half-starved ghosts show up, I’ll be happy to share.
(I rarely restrain myself with irony when certain classmates are concerned, especially some very annoying ones.)
How can you eat a sandwich “cold-bloodedly?”
Do you sink your teeth mechanically into the bread without giving a thought to the people who picked and packaged it?
Do you callously ignore the burst of flavor on your tongue when you bite into the pickles?
Do you pretend to be a T-Rex? (Actually, they were warm-blooded, but wung buttons to that.)
The translation was kind of off. We were in this old KZ which is now a museum/memorial, and hearing all sorts of gruesome tales about how people were killed there. There was one main road/path, the same one where they used to march the prisoners down, which led to the horrible stair to the quarry, surnamed (in german) the death stair, because that’s where most of the prisoners collapsed. I’d heard so much that eventually- it was after the death toll, I think- I just sort of shut off and couldn’t really hear it anymore. And the starvation does make you hungry. The field trip is part of 8th grade- the teachers figure you’re big enough to take it, and… I’m still sort of shocked. It’s one thing to say that people were killed in KZs, another to stand in a small room and hear that thousands were gased to death where you’re standing. It was scary, but also meant to be that way. *is still shocked* After a while, I just shut off and ate my sandwich. The sharing with dead ghost is a good example of me trying to be funny when I’m nervous.
377 (KaiYves): Yay! Another person who watches that!
All from The Big Bang Theory :
Leonard (At the magnetic North Pole): “Oh, darn, we’re out of ice.”
Penny: “Sheldon, I only touched one onion ring.”
Sheldon: “Yes, but then you put it back, which compromises the integrity of all the other onion rings.”
Penny: “My car broke down.”
Sheldon: “But, I told you that your ‘Check Engine’ light was on months ago!”
Penny: “The ‘Check Engine’ light isn’t the problem. It’s still blinking away. It’s the engine that’s broken!”
“There are certain people who think [John Lennon] was the Beatles. Now, that is not true, and John would be the first to tell you that.”
–Paul McCartney, in an 1995 interview concerning him being sick of living in John’s shadow
SFTDP
* * Silly yellow smiley! The bun-bun is perfectly safe! *snorgles*
:idea *eats*
Wow, the bun-bun can do magic tricks! It made Mr. Idiotface disappear!
–Rainbow*Star
Whoops.
* * Silly yellow smiley! The bun-bun is perfectly safe! *snorgles*
*eats*
Wow, the bun-bun can do magic tricks! It made Mr. Idiotface disappear!
–Rainbow*Star
(SFTTP)
Eat my pants! – The Lightning Theif
“The great god of the Underworld is afraid of a kid? Sorry, but my contract says-”
“I know what the contract says! You think I don’t know? I wrote the contract!”
-Cloud and Hades in Kingdom Hearts
39.1- In my pants is the funnest game seince sliced bread! (I’m not sure if sliced bread is a game but that’s beside the point.)
to those who have never played:
all you have to do is say “in my pants” after saying what you were intending to say. It usually gets a bit dirty after a while and/or your friends beg you to stop because they can’t breathe from laughing and/or after you go back around eople who don’t appriciate your skills you habittualy say in my pants anyway. it also generates lots of jolly quotes
“I forgot to put on sunscreen in my pants”
“come over here in my pants”
“why are you taking it off in my pants?”
“is that a grapefruit in my pants?”
“so what’s new with you in my pants?”
“I can’t find my phone in my pants”
its a jolly good game to play on busses
(351.1.1.1.2.2.2.2.1.7) Please stop groveling, POSOC. The beneficient GAPAs have every intention of granting your request — in fact, as you read these words, have already done so.
“Dead?”
“You’ve been gone 7 years.”
“You had me declared dead?”
-Bruce and Alfred in Batman Begins
“His hand came away gilded with dust, for Obama cries tears of molten gold.” – from the blog Random Acts of Snark.
“Three pints of ice cream is not enough for two people.” – Me
“You hear that?”
“Uh-huh.”
“That is the sound of a thousand terrible things coming this way.”
“If they find us, they will crush us, grind us into tiny pieces and blast us into oblivion.”
“Mesa think your point is well seen.”
-Qui Gon, Jar Jar, and Obi Wan in Phantom Menace
Some quotes from my friends (and myself):
P.: We have 3 weeks to come up with a presentation for the book, and we are under enormous pressure because- Margaret! Stop snoring!- K. will have her head bitten of by Mi. if we don’t think of something.
P.: I just don’t want us to end up saying: Um , hi, I’m presenting this book, which is really cool, and I’m so nervous *screams and runs off*
Me: We can let you talk on playback.
400 – lol.
“I’d like to borrow it. For, um, spelunking.”
“Spelunking?”
“Yeah, you know, cave diving?”
“You expect to run into much gunfire in these caves?”
-Bruce and Mr. Fox in Batman Begins
“I don’t think they tried to market it to the billionaire spelunking, BASE-jumping crowd.”
“Look, Mr. Fox, if you’re uncomfortable with me borrowing all these things-”
“Mr. Wayne, if you want me to lie when I’m asked about what you’re doing, I don’t have to know. But don’t think of me as an idiot.”
-Mr. Fox and Bruce in Batman Begins
“So what do you think?”
“Does it come in black?”
-Mr. Fox and Bruce in Batman Begins
“You’re a facist.”
“Your face is a facist.”
*pause* “That wasn’t funny.”
“Actually, it kinda was.”
-my friend, me, and my other friend
“Don’t do that again.”
-Qui Gon in Phantom Menace
“There’s blood all over that broken catsup bottle!” -Rocket Power.
All of these are my quotes:
“Great. Go kiss a mushroom.”
“I’m going to eat cat food, whether you want me to or not!”
Not sure if this quote has already been said or not but I’ll put it here anyway:
Never take life seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.
For some reason whenever I read this quote I immediately think of a tunnel representing life and no one can get out of it. It’s just like one of those mental picture things where when you read it it comes straight to your mind. Other than that, I just think it’s a good quote because its funny and, well, true.
“I’m not eating that chair. And I’m not eating Kate!” –Alison
“My last test of this model rocket led to chaos and disaster… and destruction and… you get the point.” -Gemini
From the movie 1776 (GOOD movie!):
“This is a revolution, ******! We’re going to have to offend somebody!”
“Have you ever been present at a meeting of the New York Legislature? They speak very fast and very loud, and nobody ever listens to anybody else, with the result that nothing ever gets done.”
“And with the other hand, they waved the olive branch.”
“Treason is a charge invented by winners as an excuse for hanging the losers” (I think this one is a real Ben Franklin quote.)
“Softly, John, your voice is hurting my foot.”
“Where is New Jersey?” “Somewhere between New York and Pennsylvania.”
“New York abstains, courteously.”
“People who are willing to give up freedom for the sake of short term security, deserve neither freedom nor security.” (I think this one is also a real Ben Franklin quote.)
And many others!
“Life is a good teacher, but it kills all of its students.”
Wasn’t that “Time is a good teacher, but it kills all of its students” ?
Anyway, that’s the way I heard it.
Oh, you’re right. *blushes* I was just thinking about the other Life quote, and I mistyped.
Robert and /gradster(1)/ quoted elsewhere the full version of Franklin’s comment about freedom and security.
Oh! Memememe! I’ve written some down!
“Did you know that when the eighth graders graduate, they cut them up into little pieces and put them in the school lunches?”
“So THAT’S why all the lunches taste the same!” -My friend code name Hippolyta and me
“Mochi is God.”
“So what’s English toffee?”
“Amataseru. The Japanese sun goddess.” -My seventh-grade buddy and me
“I wonder why his parents named him Angel Pagan.”
“So he could have good karma.” -Me and my brother
“It’s Zeus, in nail polish form.” -Me (The nail polish was blinding orange.)
“Sticky is not a player!!!” -Hippolyta (Sticky is our English teacher’s stick, which she uses to point at things. He now has a girlfriend, Stickette. I had suggested he might already be married.)
“Beware of the mints.” -My science teacher
“Is your pencil fuzzy?” -A popular girl in my English class
“Is Jem God?” -Me, after Hippolyta had capitalized a He when talking about Jem Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird
“It’s what Jesus would taste like if He was a fruit-flavored candy.” -Code name Robin Starveling, in reference to a blueberry Airhead
“That’s where I got the Jesus-flavored airhead.” -Starveling again.
“I was like, ‘That’s not a cookie, those are my socks!'”-Friend.
“Now when he bunts the ball, me being a good catcher, I’m gonna throw the guy out at first base, so I pick up the ball and throw it to who?”
“Now that’s the first thing you’ve said right.”
“I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!”
-Abbott and Costello, Who’s on First
“What time?”
“What time what?”
“What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who’s pitching??”
“Now listen, Who is not pitching. Who is-”
“I’LL BREAK YOUR ARM, YOU SAY WHO’S ON FIRST!”
-Who’s on First
408- You have strange friends. I like the cookie one.
We are so fond of being out among nature, because it has no opinions about us. -Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Many live in the ivory tower called reality; they never venture on the open sea of thought. -Francois Gautier
A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience. -Doug Larson
A free society is a place where it’s safe to be unpopular. -Adlai Stevenson
“Hit this guy.”
“Who?”
“Joe College. Hit him hard.”
-Indiana and Mutt in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
“Uh, yes!”
“Yes WHAT?”
“Yes, Ms. Commander Boss Lady, Ma’am!”
-Some dialog from a scrapped project that was too funny to forget.
Somebody on another site: “How many people in your age group have ever used the word ‘umbrage’ in a sentence?”
Me: “Does referring to the Harry Potter character count?”
“Never liked these curtains. Set them on fire in my fourth year. By accident, of course.”
-Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (movie)
“I want you to write me this summer. Both of you.”
“I won’t. You know I won’t.”
“Harry will. Won’t you?”
“Yeah… every week.”
-Hermione, Ron, and Harry in Goblet of Fire (movie)
“Who-who could possibly figure that out? T-that’s completely mental.”
-Harry in GoF (movie)
“Congratulations, you passed my prefect test. Now move it, midget!”
-Ron in OotP (video game)
During my friend’s and my band practice:
Opal: We should be like those wacko musicians from the eighties and smash our guitars at the end of our performances.
Lila: Opal, you don’t even play a guitar!
Opal: Oh, right…I guess I’ll just smash my keyboard.
“Why oh why is the sky turning purple? And why is Starr [my dog] peeing on meeeeee?” – Claire
Opal: We are very safe. I am here, and I have a rake, therefore we are safe.
Everyone Else: RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!
My sister’s name is Opal…
Whoa, weird. Opal is (one of) my best friend. I love that name.
Maybe they’re the SAME…
I seriously doubt that, Enceladus!
“Who wants to have fun with toilets?”
-Yin Yang Yo
“And that is why I never leave the house without pie.”
-Yin Yang Yo
“My heart’s desire sucks.”
-Yin Yang Yo
“We’ve all been the henchmen of really evil guys. Except me. Mine was an idiot.”
-Yin Yang Yo
“Move the camera up now!” *Shot moves away from Yang and his friends as they collectively barf*
-Yin Yang Yo
“Do you have any idea how creepy you are?!” “I’m not creepy! I’m stylish.”
-Yin Yang Yo
“Curse you mouthful of pretzel! You’ve doomed him!”
-Yin Yang Yo
“Can’t touch that.” “Don’t want to!”
-Yin Yang Yo
*Two voices speaking simultaneously.* “Chronologicum, hear my plea.” “Chronologicum, hear my plea.” Find my brother, and take me..” “Find my sister, and take me…” “Back so I can speak my heart.” “Something, something something, fart!”
-you guessed it, Yin Yang Yo
“Toilets hurt!”
-oddly enough, Me
Whoops, SFTDP
New favourite quote:
“Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one can hear you, love like you’ve never been hurt before, and live like heaven’s on earth.” -Souza
I love it!
“That’s it? Hmm? Anyone want to play poker now?”
“Someone’s in a hurry.”
-Casino Royale
A random quote: “Life is now!” -Me
An anonymous answer to a public online poll asking “What do you find most compelling about human spaceflight?”:
“Freedom and eternity.”
Have I mentioned that I really envy funny people? *enter green-eyed monster*
“There is no greater pleasure than in doing something others said you couldn’t do.” – I’m not sure. Could be I said it.
From a book called Click:
“She asked him if he wanted a Twinkie and they had ended up not talking for two weeks.”
“‘Don’t waste [the food] on him,’ said Nikolai. ‘He is already dead.’
‘But he still breathes,’ said Kolya.
‘Then he’s wasting the oxygen too!’ said Nikolai.
“You’re just an ordinary man in a cape. That’s why you can’t fight injustice and that’s why you can’t stop this train!”
“Who said anything about stopping it?”
-Raas Al Ghul and Batman in Batman Begins
“It’s a black… tank.”
-police officer in Batman Begins
“What street is he on?”
“He’s not on a street, he’s FLYING on rooftops!”
-police officers in Batman Begins
“Fox, I seem to remember firing you.”
“You did. I got another job – yours.”
-Earl and Lucius Fox in Batman Begins
“Hey, Ringo, have a banana!” – Brian Matthews
I love this quote! It’s become our initial greeting within my circle of friends.
Ha! I like that song (which isn’t even a song).
“The thought had crossed my mind. It crossed at a red light and got run over.” – ME!
“Jack!”
“Bloody empty.”
-Gibbs and Jack in POTC 1
“So what’s your plan then?”
“I row over, search the ship until I find your bloody key.”
“And if there are crewmen?”
“…I cut down anyone in my path.”
“I like it. Simple, easy to remember.”
-Jack and Will in POTC 2
“Although, I should be thanking you because: if you hadn’t betrayed me and left me to die, I would have an equal share in that curse, same as you. Funny old world, in’t it?”
-Jack in POTC 1
“He made you captain?? They’re just giving the bloody title away now!”
-Jack in POTC 3, regarding Elizabeth’s replacement of Sao Feng
“Come on, is there a LAW that says I can’t do the right thing and have an incredibly fun time doing it?” -Iron Man
All from the same source. Guess:
“Bears. They. Will. Kill. You.”
“Look, I can draw a robot!”
“So, Neil, how are we all gonna die?”
Mystery quotes:
“Rachel’s told me everything about you.”
“Well, I certainly hope not.”
“And you must be Mr. Blisser’s replacement. Welcome, Mr. Beach. Or is that Bond? Uh, I’m a little confused.”
“Well, we wouldn’t want that, would we?”
“You IDIOTS! These are not them! You’ve captured their STUNT DOUBLES!”
Cleverbot: Let’s make up words.
User: Schingle.
Cleverbot: And what does that mean?
User: A dog with no nose.
Cleverbot: And no arms maybe?
User: Sure!
–SudoRandom’s Cleverbot conversation
“OW! I just grilled cheese in my eye!” -Brianna
“Can you guys please be quiet?! I need to go murder someone.” -Brenna
“Hairnets saved my life.” -Kelly
SFTDP
“Cameraman, you’re the most immature warthog I’ve ever met. ” -Sam, who was referring to me while Kate, Sam and I made a video
Oops, it was supposed to be, “OW! I just got grilled cheese in my eye!” -Brianna
“Drugs are for… cool people.” -my friend and I simultaneously
“Narcotics, Astro, are drugs that make humans act like idiots.” -Astro Boy
“In those days, newspapers often wrote ‘artificial satellite’ with the wrong Japanese characters, so it looked like ‘artificial sanitation’.” -Osamu Tezuka, Astro Boy
“The height of American acheivement is Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck” — one of my parents
“And cheerleading!” –me
“Don’t faint on me, faint on Darth Vader” –friend, to another friend
“She’s a bogan! She’s a bogan! My cousin’s a bogan!” –me
And these are all from my maths class:
“Ordinal numbers are an endangered species. They’re dying out. All you girls should be protesting, marching through the streets saying ‘save our ordinal numbers!'”– Mr B
Student: “I don’t like reciprocals”
Mr B : “You don’t have to like them… Most people want others to like them, maths probably feels the same way. ‘Not that Year 8 class again, it doesn’t like me’.”
“I’ll start with _____ _____. What did you get? (Out of 10, in imaginary maths test).” —Mr B
“2.” –me, who is actually good at maths when she remembers her calculator.
Mr B: “What is the (the maths term, whatever it was)?”
Student: *reads defintion from book*
Mr B: “You can read. Very good.”
“Everybody happy? If you’re unhappy, I’m sorry, I can’t do anything about that. If you’re happy that’s good.” —Mr B
“Excuse me, Mr B.”
“You’re excused.” *goes back to talking*
Student: *gets diary signed, putting 1:43 as the time*
Mr B tells her to get phone out and check. 11:43. “Only two hours’ difference.”
Mr B: “If we had a small range of test results… it could mean we have a class of dummies.”
Student: “That’s mean! What is someone fitted that criteria?!”
Mr B: “Then they wouldn’t understand. Half this class don’t understand what I say anyway.”
That would mean the other half of my class DO understand. Wow.
And my RE teacher said:
*sits in front of projector*
Student: *opens Paint by mistake* *closes Paint*
Mrs M:”You should have have drawn on horns or something like that.”
“Bit too much makeup for a homeless person.”
And my PC teacher, who spends her evenings “composing a suitable sentence to put on our report to say we need to show more reverence in prayer”, said we
“should have a section on our reports for failing prayer.”
“You don’t get house points for stealing shoes.” –friend #1
“Well you should.” –friend #2
“I disagree with everyone! No, just kidding, I agree. I just always wanted to say that.” -Ben.
A repost of my Mystery Quotes, all from the same person:
“Bears. They. Will. Kill. You.â€
“Look, I can draw a robot!â€
“So, Neil, how are we all gonna die?â€
Stephen Colbert!!!!
From Night at the Museum 2 (Spoiler warning, but not really)
Amelia Earhart: Crimey, we’ve been jimmy-jacked!
Larry: Jimmy-jacked?
Amelia Earhart: It’s how I speak!
Larry: Yeah, but that sounds made-up, even for you.
Amelia Earhart: ‘Oh no, our path has been blocked by bad people.’ Where’s the excitement in that?
“It’s so amusing, because we’re on the other side, thinking: ‘Oh, the MI6, the CIA, they’re looking over our shoulders, they’re listening to our conversations,’ and the truth is you don’t even know we exist?!”
“Well, we do now, Mr. White. And we’re quick learners.”
“Oh, really? Well then, the first thing that you should know about us, is that we have people everywhere. *turns to Mitchell* Am I right?”
-Quantum of Solace
Me: “Wouldn’t it be awesome if we had an airplane?”
My brother: “Yeah! I’d be the pilot!”
Me: “I’d be the navigator! And (my other brother), what would he do?”
My brother: “He could pretend to shoot other planes with a BB gun.”
Me: “We don’t have a BB gun.”
My brother: “We don’t have an airplane, EITHER.”
“Never, never, NEVER attempt to make a potato gratin on The Next Food Network Star – itjustdoesn’twork! Although, the idea sounded delicious, but – no bueno. No more potato.”
-Adam Gertler as the armchair judge of TNFS
Star Trek quotes (try to guess who said it and from what source):
“So what kind of combat training do you have?”
“Fencing.”
“If you don’t give me a name, I’m gonna have to make one up.”
“On pure speculation – just an educated guess – I’d say that man is alive.”
“Just a moment, Captain, Sir, I’ll explain what happened. Your revered Admiral Nogura invoked a little-known, seldom-used reserve activation clause. In simpler language, captain, they drafted me!”
“Oh, I am sorry, Doctor. Were we having a good time?”
“God, I liked him better before he died!”
“Technically you are correct, I do not have a brother.”
“There you are. See, see?”
“I have a half brother.”
“I gotta sit down.”
“What’s the matter, Jim?”
“I miss my old chair.”
“I see no reason to refer to yourself in the plural!”
“I found this on Ganyroom… Ganymeer… mede.”
“What is it?”
“It’s, uh… it’s green.”
“All I have is a bottle of very, very old Scotch… *sniff* who’s asking??”
“Well, I will try it!”
“I’LL GET IT!”
First one: the new movie. Kirk and Sulu.
And that’s all I know. Except the third and fourth sound extremely familiar.
I know the first one! Kirk and Sulu!!!! And the second one: Kirk to Uhura. And I haven’t even see the new movie! I’m not allowed…
The third one is probably my favorite from TOS, it’s that one episode where they go to a planet where everyone was supposed to be dead but they’re alive and healthy.
Michael: “Dwight, why do you have a diary?
Dwight: *looks around* *in a whisper* “To keep secrets from my computer”
-The Office
A summary called “What the 3rd row discussed before/during latin class”:
J.: I’m gonna found a dictatorship.
N.: But dictatorships are bad!
J.: Well, mine will be great. You’re the high priestess/druid- my dictatorship has a religion to go with it. And you’re the congeniality minister (to M). Will you read the ancient proclamation (part of Caesars de bello gallicum) to show I’m emperor!
N.: *reads latin text about Caesars time in great britain*
M.: *translates text about beaches, soldiers and gets to the part with a giant, sunbathing tomato when comes by*
J.: And you’ll be the minster of tomatoes!
M.: But we don’t need a minster of tomatoes!
N.: Our main export is tomatoes, and that’s why we have a minister for it.
J.: (random, probably because of ‘s glare) You know, most dictators survive assassinations.
M.: But-
J.: No-one is allowed to contradict the dictator.
Me: That would be a cool job- an assassination minster, who gets rid of other ministers that the dictator doesn’t like. You’d have total respect at work.
J.: You’re hired.
N.: Oh, b.t.w., our other export is empty plastic bottles. M., read the text praising my religion!
M.: *reads latin text*
N.: *translates* A bunch of 3 soldiers went into the cafeteria, where they got stabbed by an enormous tomato, which was divided into 3 parts by scissors.
A: *walks by*
J.: And he’s public enemy no 1 !
N.: Hey, we don’t have an anthem!
J.: I love “Puff, the magic dragon”. Too bad we can’t use it.
Me: Yes we can! Oh, J., the magic drag- We can change the lyrics.
*N, M and I work on the anthem*
J.: *tries to sing* What’s that? Ocean doesn’t have two Cs and an I!
M.: Our country has different spelling!
J.: But here you spelled it with H, S and no Cs!
M.: That’s the part N. wrote. Our country has a liberal approach to spelling and grammar.
J.: So that’s why it says “hearts”; for the record, I have one heart, not two.
M.: Yea, yea. Whatever. You were talking about how much you care about all the citizens, so I figured you could use another one.
J.: This part doesn’t match the song!
N.: Invent something!
J.: …and he rules over the domado zeal?
Me.: Tomato seas. I wrote that part. The squiggle is an s-z, depending on the word.
J.: What are tomato seas doing in my dictatorship? And another thing, I object to “Lord of the empty plastic bottles” as a title/official address.
Me.: That was Ns idea.
N.: Change too; he rules the country of empty bottles, which he emptied…(untranslatable part). We can change the tomato seas part to “rules all he sees, yea!”
J.: Fine.
…and on, and on…
These are translated quotes, but they’re pretty accurate. The “all he sees, yea! part rhymes with the other verse in German.*laughs, remembering*
“Rockets and pineapples, my favorite!” -Me. (This actually made sense in context.)
I hope that wasn’t what you wanted to put on a pizza. *shudders* Nutella and cocnut sprinkles aren’t that bad on pizza, as long as you don’t add pinapple I had some interesting cooking experiments.
Nah, my friend on another site took a photo of a model rocket he’d made next to some old wallpaper with pictures of pinapples on it.
Good, I was getting worried…
“Well then, you wouldn’t be here, would you? So you can’t be here. QED, you’re not really here!”
-Jack in POTC 3
“That’s no space station, it’s a MOON!” – Cassini press release title. (Quoted by Lana Skywalker in Conspiracy Wars)
“I ate her.” – What a friend of mine says any time someone asks her where someone else is. Funny story, happened today after we finished our final:
C1- where’s CS?
C2- I ate her.
C1- That’s really not fair, C2! Every time I need her, you eat her! That’s really selfish! Maybe I wanted to eat her! Maybe Sima wanted to eat her!
Mind you, I tuned in to this conversation at “That’s really not fair, C2! Every time I need her, you eat her!” Hilarious!
End crazy ramble.
“America is dead. Its body will be mummified in the tattered remains of the Constitution.” -Piggy
Is that from Lord of the Flies? I don’t remember it…
No, MuseBlogger Piggy.
446.1.1 – Oh.
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m going to call her Gem.”
“Gem, Doctor?”
“Well, it’s better than, ‘hey you’.”
-McCoy and Spock in The Empath (TOS)
“You are, in fact, the Mr. Scott who postulated the theory of transwarp beaming?”
“That’s what I’m talkin’ about! How do you think I wound up here? Had a little debate with my instructor on relativistic physics and how it pertains to subspace travel. He seemed to think that the range of transporting something like a… like a grapefruit was limited to about 100 miles. I told him that I could not only beam a grapefruit from one planet to the adjacent planet in the same system – which is easy, by the way – I could do it with a life form. So, I tested it out on Admiral Archer’s prized beagle.”
“Wait, I know that dog. What happened to it?”
“I’ll tell you when it reappears… Ahem. I don’t know, I do feel guilty about that…”
-Spock Prime, Scott, and Kirk in the new Star Trek
“Father?”
“I am not our father.”
-Spock and Spock Prime in the new Star Trek
Tim: “You have a blog? About what?”
*Moby beeps*
Tim: “Late-night conversations with a giant anteater?”
-BrainPop.
whoawhoawhoa! BrainPop? I’ve watched some of those!
More from BrainPop, the Mars video in particular:
Tim: “Some of you have been writing in to ask if Moby’s from Mars. Actually, he’s from-”
*Moby beeps angrily*
Time: “Moving on…”
(Tim is talking about Mars not having any liquid water at the present.)
Tim: “But it’s still a mystery.”
*Moby beeps*
Tim: “Oh, you do NOT know where all the water went!”
435.1- Correct.
Smooth as an android’s bottom, eh Data? – Star Trek Insurrection
444- Conspiracy wars? *is interested*
It starts at Post 29 here:
https://musefanpage.com/blog/?p=1159h
If there were no God, there would be no Atheists.
G. K. Chesterton (1874 – 1936)
The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank.
Dante Gabriel Rossetti (1828 – 1882)
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.
Henny Youngman (1906 – 1998)
Nobody talks so constantly about God as those who insist that there is no God.
Heywood Broun (1888 – 1939)
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
John Buchan (1875 – 1940)
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Herm Albright (1876 – 1944)
“In places, this book is a little over-written because Mr. Blunden is no more able to resist a quotation than some people are to refuse a drink.
— George Orwell, on Edmund Blunden,
“It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
— Tom Stoppard,
Quoting: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
— Ambrose Bierce
“He who trains his tongue to quote the learned sages, will be known far and wide as a smart ass.
— Howard Kandel,
“…After all, all he did was string together a lot of old well-known quotations.
— H.L. Mencken on Shakespeare
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
— Robert Benchley
452-I like the first one. I’m not exactly Atheist, but I don’t believe in the theories of any religion. I know that something created the universe, but I don’t need a name for it. Plus I don’t want to get into the theological arguments of religion, ie, “My religion is the only truth! All others are blasphemous idiots!” lol.
“That last hand, it nearly killed me.”
-Bond in Casino Royale
“He’s a wheelie snob! Quickly, kill him!”
-Me
“The water is making me wet!”
“Yes, water tends to do that.”- some of my friends
Indeed it does.
“It’s wet water!”
-Me, after putting my hand in the clothes washer
Nice!
“Same difference. Now would you please shut up?” Me, after somebody criticizes me.
Anything invented before you were born was always there.
Anything invented between when you are 15 and 35 is really cool and you might get a career in it.
Anything invented after 35 goes against the natural order of things.
I think we all know who said that.
Actually, it’s:
“Anything that was in the world when you were born is normal and natural. Anything invented between when you were 15 and 35 is new and revolutionary and exciting, and you’ll probably get a career in it. Anything invented after you’re 35 is against the natural order of things.â€
Gosh, many inventions that came about after I turned 35 I can’t imagine living without. The world into which I was born seems impossible. Maybe I’m just against the natural order of things.
What, you were invented after you turned 35?
That might actually be true….
“You’ve got a bloody cheek.”
“Sorry. I’ll shoot the camera first next time.”
-M and Bond in Casino Royale
“You’re not seriously going back there?”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
-Vesper and Bond in Casino Royale
“That wasn’t very nice.”
“You were supposed to shoot her.”
“Well I missed!”
-Bond and some other guy in Quantum of Solace
“And I found this. Along with three other bloody Christmas presents I bought him about the house.”
“I don’t think he smoked.”
-M and Bond in Casino Royale
“I have two pair, and you have a 17.4 percent chance of making your straight.”
-Le Chiffre in Casino Royale
“And how the hell did you find out where I live?”
“The same way I found out your name. I thought M was a randomly assigned letter, I had no idea it stood for-”
“Utter one more syllable and I’ll have you killed.”
-M and Bond in Casino Royale
SFTDP
The fourth one is actually from QOS, screwed that up.
“This is Paradise,” said Stephen as they landed.
“A little damp for Paradise, perhaps,” suggested Herepath.
“The terrestrial Paradise was no howling dessicated waste of sand, no arid desert,” said Stephen. “Indeed, Mandeville particularly mentions its mossy walls, a sure proof of abundant moisture. I have already found fifty-three kinds of moss on this island alone; and no doubt there are more.”
—Desolation Island, by Patrick O’Brian.
“This tickles me human.”
-Cleverbot
“So thats what, one ‘yes’, one ‘not sure’ and one ‘I had a dream about a bug’? S’pose I’m a yes.”
-inaccurate quotation from Otherland. Blue Dog Anchorite Singh.
“I’m a Marxist-Leninist. I believe in the teachings of Groucho Marx and John Lennon.”
-My dad
“Does the walker choose that path, or the path the walker?”
Sabriel(That one was brilliant)
“So, what you’re saying is, you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down my sword, and we’ll try to kill each other like civilized people?”
-Westley, The Princess Bride
“When can I eat that fish?”
“No, Gir, the fish is part of the plan.”
-Zim and Gir in Invader Zim
Your father is a wise man, shadowfire.
From The Pocket Guide to Mischief, Bart King (I really reccomend this book, especially for MBers!!):
“The police will soon be here because you are playing mean tricks on innocent ping-pong balls.”
“I LOVE YOU ALL!
HAVE A GREAT DAY,
MR. BALONEY.”
“This bottled water has gone sour!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Writing this ad has given me the greatest sense of accomplishment since succesfully ironing my pants for the first time (on June 14, 1998)” -A personal ad from the London Review of Books
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Not so) Famous Last words:
“Get my swan costume ready.” -[Argh, I just forgot! Some famous dancer.]
“I did not get my SpaghettiOs.” -Thomas Grasso
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Are you sure that thing is safe?” -William Palmer, referring to the gallows on which he was about to be hanged
“We take big things and turn them into very small things.” -Jamie Hyneman
“Poop is everywhere.” -Jamie Hyneman (again!)
“Shift that fat a**, Harry. But slowly, or you’ll swamp the boat!” -George Washington (no lie!)
Those weren’t George Washington’s last words. He is reliably reported to have said them to one of his officers, Henry Knox, while crossing the Delaware.
“How come you never see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’ in the papers?”- Somebody on another site.
From the latest SpaceVidCast, which I have FINALLY gotten around to watching:
“The most awesomest thing ever is getting more awesomer.” -Ben, shortly after telling off Cariann for talking about things being “weighted” in weightlessness.
“These people were not smart people. They did not buy Crow River Coffee’s Blast Off Blend!” -Ben, doing product placement for the company they rent their “studio” from.
“And I happen to hear from Crow River Coffee that you’re all a bunch of cheap (illegitimate children) who haven’t bought enough coffee!” -Ben
“It was nice and bright and sunny and then you look out and just see DIRT for miles.” -Cariann
“As far as I know, there is no legal caffeine limit in Minnesota.” -Cariann
Cariann: “We’re moving to New Mexico!”
Ben: “Here’s what we need: SPF twenty-five thousand and lots of bottled water.”
“Why so SERIOUS?”
-The Joker in The Dark Knight (that part seriously freaked me out O__O )
“And here we… go!”
-Joker in The Dark Knight
“You’re Alfred, right?”
“That’s right, sir.”
“Any psychotic ex-boyfriends I should be aware of?”
“Oh, you have no idea.”
-Dent and Alfred in Dark Knight
“Will you be wanting the Bat-pod, sir?”
“In the middle of the day, Alfred? Not very subtle.”
“The Lamborghini, then. Much more subtle.”
-Alfred and Bruce in Dark Knight
My last words: “They are coming.”, “It was the silver winged beast.”, or something equally ominous like that. Particularly if I was in the presence of an EPIPOP. (Extreme Paranoid In Position Of Power).
The entire List of Worst Metaphors Ever Written By Highschool Students:
Worst Metaphors
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy†comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.â€
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
SFTDP.
I meant to say this before, but isn’t this thread getting awfully long? I mean, nearly 600 posts! (Including replies).