Mystery Quote:
“Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.”
And in the spirit of teh interwebs … first post?
To SudoRandom’s earlier comment about my name: I’m still Rainbow*Star, but I post as Rainbow because it’s shorter to type in.
I saw Midnight Fiddler post as Fiddler once, so I thought it might be okay for me to post as Rainbow.
“Spoiler alert: Okonkwo kills Snape with a Dumbledore and a bag of epiphany yams!” — My friend A.
I doubt this will make complete sense to you unless you’ve read Harry Potter, Invisible Man, and Things Fall Apart, but if you have, it’s hilarious. Especially if you’re on a band competition bus jazzed up on sugar.
My brother: “When Wolverine was a baby, the stork dropped him in a vat of radioactive goop. That’s how he got superpowers.”
Me: “There, now you don’t have to watch the movie, he saved you five bucks.”
I’m sorry, but Wolverine is a Mutant (that’s why his part of the X-men, he has the x-gene mutation!), He is also a “member of the species Homo Superior, an evolutionary progeny of Homo sapiens, and are considered the next stage in human evolution.” (half of that was from Wikipedia. the last half in quotes. Consider that a Quotation.)
“your like the Chiang Kai-shek or Mao Zadong of the group.” A friend of mine.
“And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?”
–Tom Hanks in Cast Away
We watched this in English class last year, and it took everything I had not to start crying in the middle of class. The monologue this quote is taken from is one of the most powerful, meaningful things I have ever heard in a movie. It’s beautiful.
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JJjetplane-girlw/catsâ„¢, thinking about shortening/changing her name says:
“He’s sorry for this, he’s sorry for that. I really wish people would start apologizing for things that a) they’ve actually done, and b) were actually bad!”
-Me
“No one likes an idiot. However, people do beat them up and take their lunch money.”
-Me (where it came from, I don’t know)
“There are only three people in this world I like: Me, Myself, and I.”
Chris: “Can you name some famous astronauts?”
Blair: “Oh, yes that’s simple. We’ve got Bruce Willis, Charlton Heston, Steve Buscemi, Robert Duvall, Vin Diesel- that’s questionable, but- Buzz Lightyear. Those are all…”
Chris: “What is the ISS?”
Blair: “Don’t you mean, ‘WHO is Isis?’ That would be the Egyptian mythological goddess or super hero, Isis.”
Chris: “Where will we land when we go back to the moon?”
Blair: “We’re going to land right where we landed the first time. There’s already a rover there, flags. All we need to take are batteries.”
Jacky: “If you want to be an astronaut, you need flight experience. Do you fly?”
Blair: “I fly all the time. All the time commercially. In fact, when I fly, I always go up and talk with the pilot. They show me the cockpit and all the instrumentation. I’m very familiar with that. I feel good about that.”
Jacky: “Have you flown before as in, YOU in the pilot seat?”
Blair: “No.”
Okay, this is going to be long, so I’ll apologize in advance.
I am sorry for the very long post. Now, then, on to the quotations!
“Let’s have fun! Let’s spray each other with gasoline!”
-Mr. H, Psych teacher
“You probably shouldn’t tell your paretns that we had pina coladas in English class.”
-Ms. N, English teacher
“You have a blue crayon and a yellow crayon and you need to make green. What do you do?”
“Um, mix them together?”
“No! You cry!”
-Mr. W, aka Wally, Band director
“Believe in yourself,” the professor said, grasping John’s hands in his own. “You have all that you need within you. You are strong enough. You are intelligent enough. You have learned more than you need to complete the tasks that lie before you. Now you must overcome the fear that is preventing you from embracing your destiny.”
“The fear that I am too weak?” asked John.
“No,” said the professor. “The fear that you are too strong.”
John was taken aback. “Too strong? How can I be too strong? I have failed at every task I’ve been given.”
“Because of your fear,” said the professor. “Not because you were incapable. Our weaknesses are always evident, both to ourselves and to others. But our strengths are hidden until we choose to reveal them– and that is when we are truly tested. When all that we have within is exposed, and we may no longer blame our inadequacies for our failure, but must instead depend upon our strengths to succeed…that is when the measure of a man is taken, my boy.
Believe in yourself. Believe that you were not meant to spend your life in dusty libraries, nor in the battlefields of war, but in doing something greater.
Believe in yourself, John, and that you have it within you to lead an extraordinary life.
Just believe, my boy. My dear boy. Believe.”
-James A. Owen, Here There Be Dragons
“Great. Now run of and marry a shrub.”
“You bear an odd resemblance to a scarecrow with a tiny head.”
“Well, first of all about the cellphone, and second of all, you’ve got ravioli on your chin. Thanks!” ~me, in various situations that they made a heck of a lot more sense then they seem to now. Honest.
Ahem. I desperately need to see that chat, and I can’t make Sudo forward it to me…. *coughcoughforwarditnowcough* Because I think I need to know what exactly you people were saying about Lloyd. XD
Not just SR….I think it’s something most of us understand. *hugs Piggy* ‘sokay, I only deliberately drive people bonkers if I like ’em. Otherwise, I just ignore ’em…..
i h8 chtspk bt i wil spk it neway b/c piggy is funy wen he goes bonkers
Never mind, I won’t, because it’s hard and I hate it. So there.
I fail to see the joy in mangling the English language almost beyong recognition, where it takes more effort to decipher what you have written than it would have to write it properly.
Teacher: “Latin tests used to include an excerpt of a poem that we’d already translated in class, as well as questions from the footnotes of that poem. This resulted in people learning the translation and the footnotes by heart and skipping the rest of the test. They passed. So we won’t have a translation of an already translated poem this year. Only several questions about it.”
Me: “So we only need to learn the footnotes by heart!”
Here’s an awesome quote by Bram Stoker:
“The Nosferatu do not die like the bee when he stings once. He is only stronger… This vampire which is amongst us is of himself so strong in person as twenty men, he is of cunning more than mortal, for his cunning be the growth of ages, … he can, within his range, direct the elements, the storm, the fog, the thunder, he can command all the meaner things, the rat, and the owl, and the bat, … and the wolf, , and he can at times vanish and come unknown.” 1897.
“We could write the whole Twilight Saga on a single sheet of paper and avenge the poor trees that were murdered to print them.” –someone on another site
“Ooh, it’s one of those big red buttons that must NEVER be touched under any circumstances whatsoever!” *touches*
-I think it was Doctor Who, ages ago
“My spirit animal is a teapot.”
-A girl in my dance class, who just ten minutes earlier had discovered the similarities between being a teapot*makes teapot shape with arms* an Egyptian-walk*you know what I’m talking about* and a monkey*does monkey arms*
Yes, yes, that was Dr. Who. It was…..*thinks* Oh, yes, it was the Christmas special after season 1, and before season 2. Because the doctor had just regenerated and was now being played by the adorable David Tennant.
Oh, god, watch the Dr. Who Weakest Link on YouTube, it’s utterly hilarious, and DT looks–wow–in it. That shirt…..Haha, I think Luna’s hormones are acting up. XD
“That’s not _____.”
“Are you surprised that I’ve read Byron, _____?”
“That’s _______!” (sorry about the blanks, but with some of them, you’d know easily)
“Can I, like, turn into a bat and stuff?”
“No. That’s bull.”
“Heart action stopped, cause unknown, respiration stopped, cause unknown, brain activity stopped, cause un- shall I go on?”
“Life is cruel. It’s all a creation of a god with a cruel but ironic sense of humor.”
“What about those days when everything seems awesome?”
“That’s when the guy is asleep and his cat takes control without his knowledge.”
SFTDP!! (By the way, these are all by the same guy Mike Ditka.)
“If God had wanted man to play soccer, he wouldn’t have given us arms.”
(Argh! I hate this one! But I just had to post it ha ha…)
“I always tell people I want to live to be 150 and they say why would you want to do that. I say, well there’s a few people I haven’t made mad yet, I want to get them.”
Doctor: These books are from your future. If you read ahead, it will spoil all the surprises. Like peeping at the end.
Donna: Isn’t traveling with you one big spoiler?
Doctor: I try to keep you away from major plot developments. Which, to be honest, I seem to be really bad at.
Vashta Nerada: *move to attack*
Doctor: Don’t play games with me.You just killed someone I liked and that is not a safe place to stand! I’m the Doctor and you’re in the biggest library in the universe. Look me up.
Vashta Nerada: *retreat* You have one day.
-My two favorite episodes of Doctor Who
“I make friends pretty well, but I make enemies even better.” –Me
“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.” –Edgar Allen Poe
~~~~~
T-Shirt Quotes Time!
“That Frisbee was getting bigger and bigger…I couldn’t figure out why. Then it hit me.”
“HUMPTY-DUMPTY WAS PUSHED.”
“Vegetarian.” (underneath a cartoon of a brontosaurus)
I really like this one. The shirt was made to look like a slightly crumpled piece of notebook paper and it said in simple cursive:
“I love you.
That’s my secret.
No hearts. No pretty drawings. No poems or cryptic messages.
NOW I remember… It was you… but when? Um. Um. *wracks brain* OH! WAS IT THE ANTEATER METAPHOR? *checks Ask the Gapas* No… How about…
This is going to keep me up all night. Then I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and know, and either post it then or forget in the morning. Either way, not healthy. What have you done to me, Ducky?
Well, you could drag it out, or you could have pity on a poor, poor suffering soul.
I’m rather fond of ducks, myself (not eating, never eaten one). I’ve raised several orphaned wild ones, after all……
(Summer 2006:
4 teals: Harry, hermione, hagrid, and Neville
4 scaups: Buckbeak, Norbert, Fluffy, and Trevor
Summer 2007:
Unknown duckies: James, Sirius, Remus, Severus, and Lily–Severus and Lily were a different species than the others
Summer 2008:
Unknown duckies: Dobby and Kreacher
Summer 2009: Regulus, as well as several that got brought home and released, and didn’t get named……
I also raised several goslings, but we’re talking ducks not geese, so we shan’t go there)
AAH! I REMEMBERED THAT! I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THREAD IT WAS! BUT I REMEMBERED SOMETHING ABOUT ROSEQUARTZ BEING SURPRISED ABOUT DUCKY EATING THE DUCKY! BUT I WASN’T SURE! AAHHH! :aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (In my head, :aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: is a cross between (the mouth) and (everything else.) I’m suddenly shocked at MB’s apparent lack of screaming emoticons.)
44-It sounds a bit like Terry Pratchett but I’m not sure.
Some quotes from Andromeda (the TV series):
“Here’s everything I know
about war: Somebody wins,
somebody loses, and
nothing is ever the same again.”
Harper:
Is this the part where we bravely run away?
OK, how come they can hit us and we can’t hit them?
Note to sculptors – Statues of me should look, I dunno, wise, concerned. I suggest posing me with a soldering wand over my head like a sword.
I think I know what’s wrong with your slipstream drive there. It’s missing!
It’s a… killer beach-ball.
Tyr:
And when the Magog unleash their dreaded bouncing ball attack, we’ll make them rue the day.
I can usually spot a planet. They’re large. I have good eyes.
Trance: Patching him up is easy as cake.
Dylan: Easy as pie.
Trance: Are you sure about that? I think that making pie is a lot harder than cake.
Dylan: Just fix him, Trance.
Rev: Hello Tyr. Have you come to join me in meditation?
Tyr: Meditation is for weak people with troubled minds. Is your mind troubled?
Rev: You have an interesting way of starting a philosophical discussion.
Rester: You want our identity and purpose? This is ‘Nahwals Lament’, we’re here to kill you!
Rev: Well bless you too.
Dylan: I like them.
Beka: Yeah, but you like everyone, even people who try to kill you… especially people who try to kill you.
Sarah: I can’t leave. Not until my experiment finishes running.
Dylan: You mean this? [Points to a computer terminal]
Sarah: Yes.
Dylan: [Dylan shoots the terminal, causing it to explode] Well now it’s finished.
Beka: Careful, Harper. That is one of Trance’s plants.
Harper: I know.
Beka: She loves them.
Harper: I know.
Beka: She gives them names.
Harper: Trust in the Harper, the Harper is good. It goes in here… [Plant disappears] …and it comes out there. [Plant reappears and explodes]
Beka: I believe she called that one “Walter”.
A visiting scientist (long story): I must say, the prospect of tearing you apart particle by particle and re-assembling you on a ship 300 years in the past is quite exhilarating.
Beka: What if they start shooting? How am I supposed to run in a dress?
Rommie: Good heavens! What kind of dinner parties have you been to?
Beka: Hey, I read the first officer’s job description. ‘Playing Devil’s Advocate’ – it’s on page three.
Dylan: Get thee behind me, Satan.
Dylan: I have only one question. What are we talking about?
Beka: If you don’t want me to go, why don’t you just say so?
Dylan: I don’t want you to go.
Beka: D***. Didn’t think you’d say so.
Beka: Y’know, Trance, what I could do with 10 million guilders?
Trance: Oh, you could buy lots of drinks with little umbrellas in them.
Trance: What did they do to you?
Beka: Nothing – I walked into a door.
Trance: So… did you tell the door what it wanted to know?
Rev: I’ve discovered something disturbing about Lt. Pearce.
Harper: What, that she’s a psychotic android with a grudge?
Rev: I was going to say that she’s not on the crew manifest.
“Oh, so you’re going to kill your cat because Miley Cyrus no longer Tweets but you’re going to do it quickly and painlessly? Aw, you angel you….REALLY???” –someone on another site
SCENE
Final period. Technology class. The bell has rang, and I’m gathering my books which are sprawled over my desk. Everyone is leaving, and I notice that my friend, Christa, is also leaving.
“Christa, wait!!!”
“Okay, I’ll see you outside!”
*relief*
*lights turn off*
“Oh know! I’m all alone in the dark!” *panics*
“No you’re not.” – My Tech teacher, becoming creepier every day
Oh, and after that I started hyperventilating and I ran out of the classroom…
“-are kidding me. Did you just stick that Aperture Science thing-we-don’t-know-what-it-does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator? That has got to be the dumbest thing I ever- whoa, whoa, wooooooooaahh…
*static-like sounds, something that sounds like a chuckle*
[in a lower, softer voice]Good news. I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable, while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.”
“That thing you burned up isn’t important to me. It’s the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans. [pause] Nice job breaking it, hero.”
“I’ll give you a hint: you’re going to want to pack as much living as you possibly can into the next couple of minutes.”
“Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an ‘unsatisfactory’ mark on your official testing record, followed by death. Good luck!”
Your quotes always crack me up. My favorite is the first one. My friends are pretty weird, too. Observe:
“My brother is a platypus.”
“Does he live in a submarine?”
“What does that matter?”
“No, that’s a walrus.”
“Unless you want to eat my shoes, which are made of beef.”
“Are they sauteed?”
“I better stop and shop!”
These are from a conversation during a two-hour long car ride with four of my friends. I wrote everything we said down. In retrospect, my mom must’ve thought we’d officially lost it.
Ha ha, maybe. As you can see, our conversations usually consist of us saying random phrases to each other, rather than actual coherent dialogue. Other quotes from that conversation:
“Hey, let’s call Tom Hanks! He’s my best friend!”
“I love triangles…”
“I just imagined a banana-Cleopatra.”
“It looks like you were an elusive moose that day!” (one of my favorites)
“Hey, look, it’s a limo!” (there actually was a limo outside the car right then.)
“They should be watching Yellow Submarine.”
“NO! That would scare them before nighty-night.”
From Torchwood (unfortunately, most of the really funny ones are probably not considered appropriate to MB…..Especially considering half the really funny ones, they wouldn’t even probably be able to get away with on US tv…..):
Banana (the guy’s nickname): I’m Banana. S’pose you can tell why.
Tosh: You come up in spots and go soft quickly?
Banana: So you fancy a little drink later?
Tosh: Sorry. I’m intolerant to vasoactive amines.
Banana: Huh?
Tosh: Bananas make me vomit.
(second season, forget the number, but the name is “Something Borrowed”–this was a funny scene.)
Ianto: Welcome to the wonderful world of scantily-dressed celebrities.
John (he’s from WWII era–came through the rift. don’t ask.): There’s children around!
Ianto: She’s a children’s TV presenter.
^^^All lines said by Ianto are so much funnier when you hear him–it’s the way they’re delivered, in this dry, Welsh accented tone. * ♥ ‘s Ianto*
Jack: Come on! Have a little faith. With a dashing hero like me on the case how can we fail?
Ianto: He is dashing, you have to give him that.
Ianto: I have searched for the phrase “I shall walk the Earth and my hunger will know no bounds”, but I keep get redirected to Weight Watchers.
Salesperson: Can I help you?
Ianto: Yeah, I’m looking for a wedding dress for a friend.
Salesperson: Of course you are, Sir. You’d be surprised. We’re quite used to men buying wedding dresses for their “friends.”
[note: He really was buying it for a friend….but what was so funny, was how clueless he was about what the salesperson thought. XD]
Jack: It’s been a busy day, but we are not finished yet. We’ve got a lot to do. We’ve got a major mop-up operation, and I want your best work. Remember: it’s Gwen’s wedding.
Ianto: That’s what I love about Torchwood. By day you’re chasing the scum of the Universe, come midnight, you’re the Wedding Fairy.
Ianto: Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string, everything! Absolutely everything! No phones, phones all broken. Hello, anyone there? No, cause the phones aren’t working!
“There’s eye shrapnel in his head. That’s good.”
“It’s a flashing flashlight!”
“I’m scraping out his eyebrow.”
That’s all me. Can you guess why I said those things?
“I can’t hear you over how epic I am.” -Hobo Fred
Also,
“The recession is everywhere. People are losing their jobs. It’s so sad. But at least there are some good sales.” -Mary-Kate Olsen
66 (and its replies): Whoa, that’s weird. One of my friends is always screaming, “I’m gonna flub your head!” at people. Don’t ask.
68–I like that a lot!
My new favourite quotes:
“The world is but a canvas to the imagination.” –Thoreau
“When I step into this library, I cannot understand why I ever step out of it.” Marie de Sevigna
“I seem to have been like a child on the seashore, finding now and then a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay undiscovered before me.” –Sir Isaac Newton
“We have too many high-sounding words and too few actions that correspond with them.” –Abigail Adams
“We’ve removed the ceiling above our dreams…” –Libby Houston
~~~~~~~~~
And now some from my psycho friends:
“Wasn’t Elvis abducted by aliens?”
“No, stupid, he was abducted by scarecrows.” (during math class)
“God, Casey, how could you just consume a legend?!” (after my friend’s dog ate a picture of the Beatles)
“Great going, guys. Now you all have to deal with the Eco-Friendly Emi.” (he was talking about me!)
Nice avatar, Silver Lining ..
“The bar is so BIG!!! Neenhhh.” -Pseudo, talking about NaNoWriMo.
“Campers are in tents. Archie is insane!” Reggie Mantle
“Dad, you have to recycle that paper or the trees will GET you.”- Me.
“And that’s why ninjas don’t use bunk beds.” – Me.
“Imagine watching the credits for a movie and seeing ‘Artistic Director- Walt Disney’, ‘Director- Stephen Spielberg’, ‘Executive Producer- George Lucas’.” – All About The Mouse.
“I am a ninja!” -friend
“I thought ninjas were stealthy, and that they didn’t admit they were ninjas.”-me
“That’s why I’m announcing that I’m a ninja. So that people will think I’m not a ninja because I announce it! Are you a ninja?” friend
“No. I’m not a ninja. Of course, I could be stealthy enough that I’m pretending to not be a ninja pretending to be a ninja pretending to not be a ninja.” me
“Yes, you’re definitely a ninja.” friend
“No, he’s a ninja robot!”-other friend
“Yes, I can see him in that tree, controlling the ninja robot”- friend
“No, that’s not me. I’m actually far away, controlling a robot controlling a robot controlling a robot controlling this robot”-me.
I’m going to walk home with those friends more often.
Boss: “I asked you ‘How can we better market to the younger generation?’, and you wrote ‘When we go on talk shows, we should all wear plastic vampire fangs and body glitter.'”
Joel: “You don’t think that would work?”
Boss: “Mr. Jacobson, that idea is quite frankly the stupidest thing I have ever heard.”
Some of my friends and me, discussing important politics…
L: “So, we write that we want *subway station* to be redone with more lights-”
Me: “And to be cleaned”
Ma:”And the junkies to be thrown out!”
L: “Um, they’re already doing that. That’s why there are so many. I’ll just write “to be redone with more lights””
Me:”So that we can see the dirt better?”
Ma: “And it should be redecorated.”
C: “Yeah, like what, palm fronds and greenery?”
Ma: *cracks up* “Yes, palm fronds carried by half-naked guys who have to fan you with them!”
C: “And we take out the trains and make a river and let people row!”
M: “On wooden rafts!”
C: “But only young, cute guys!”
L: *ignores* “And on to our next project: *street*. They should redo that.”
C: “They just redid that!”
L: “But I was walking home from dancing class and my heel got caught four times.”
Me & L: *crack up* ((Okay, it was quite amusing at the time))
Ma: “They should put a red carpet in…”
C: “And those guys from the subway!”
*all subside into laughter* Okay, it’s funnier when you a) imagine it and b) are stuck in a boring class and c) watched L managed to lose her shoe four times on street the other day.
From my NaNo (equally insane):
“Okay, fine. But I’m not touching the desk.”
“Just hope that it doesn’t touch you, …”
“Why did you sit next to me and say hello in an extremely happy voice? People do not normally sit next to me and say hello in an extremely happy voice. People do not normally sit next to me at all unless they absolutely have to.” – Me
Well, I’m sorry if it it’s true. I still don’t believe it, of course, but the quote is still funny.
“Give me a hug!”
“Ew, no. I don’t wanna give you a hug.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ll catch your disease.”
“I don’t HAVE a disease, smart one.”
“Well, there must be something that’s causing you to look like that.”
–two random kids in the hallway
75- Aww *hugs* People tend to be ignorant. You sound a bit like Rincewind there (Interesing Times, by Terry Pratchett).
M:”You know, with the flu and all, it’s probably better to air-kiss people than to shake their hands.”
Me: “Of course, and you’ll be starting with the cute guys at ballroom dancing class, right?”
Well, yes, I know that, but Friend #1 (who was actually talking to Cleverbot at the time) pretty much bases all of her information about the Beatles on me and my other friend who really, really, really dislikes Yoko Ono. So.
K: “My favorite chatspeak is BTW.”
My mom: “The only one I know is POS.”
K: “What’s that stand for?”
Mom: “Parent Over Shoulder.”
K: “Oh….my mom is usually POK….Parent Over Kitchen….’cause she cooks a lot.”
L (K’s sister): “Well, not, like, literally over the kitchen….she doesn’t hover.”
K: “No. No, she doesn’t hover. Moms don’t hover.”
“and down they forgot as up they grew.” –e. e. cummings
“‘Get off of the car,’ J.Lo huffed. ‘I am an English superstar.'” –from The True Meaning of Smekday, by Adam Rex (I have no idea why I find this so funny, but I had tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard when I first read it)
“So my….reality fixator is broken?”
“Yes, that’s the most likely explanation.”
“What are the other explanations?”
“Well, you could be hallucinating.”
“If I’m hallucinating, what are you?”
“A hallucination. Duh.”
“But if you were a hallucination, would you be telling me that you were?”
“I could be telling you that to fool you into thinking that I’m not a hallucination.”
“If you were, you wouldn’t have just said that.”
“Well, maybe I’m a very clever hallucination who knows that if I said that you would think that.”
“Do hallucinations think?”
“I wouldn’t know. I’m not a hallucination.”
“You could just be saying that to fool me…”
-part of a very short story fragment I wrote. You don’t really wanna know.
“That’s awfully Hindu of you.” – Social Studies teacher
In this scene our teacher asked us what Confucius would think of America.
“He would be like,’What the hell?!’ ” – Shelby
“Shelby, what do you think.”
*blinks*
“Oh, well…”
“So class, what was the life lesson for today?”
(To my group) “Well, we learned that women are evil and dark, and it’s okay to steal as long as your parents are poor.”
(EXPLANATION- Yin and Yang- Women are in the same list as evil and darkness, and Confucius said to respect your parents, but yur friends are equal, so…)
“Get out of my way!”
“Why should I?”
“Because I’m a man and you’re a woman.”
“Yeah, but I’m taller than you.”
-A girl and a (short) boy in the hallway. It was really funny and really sad at the same time.
Space Camp councilor: “If I was a perfect robot, how would you know I was a robot?”
Me: “Would YOU know you were a robot?”
Space Camp councilor: “That’s the question…”
Me: “O…K…”
“If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian.” –Paul McCartney
Now It’s time for the BEST “GET FUZZY” COMIC EVER:
Rob (on the telephone): …15 minutes? Great, thanks.
Bucky: You ordered a pizza? Did you get monkey on it?
Rob: And where do you suggest “Antonio’s” gets monkeys? The vast monkey plantations of Mississippi? Monkey traps off the coats of Maine? Or maybe from Wyoming, where rugged monkeyboys drive the monkey herd to town…?
Bucky: Robert, this country is infested with monkeys! Wild monkeys, stray monkeys, feral monkeys emerging nightly from sewers and terrorizing the children…
Rob: There are no “sewer monkeys,” Bucky.
Bucky: I hate to burst the bubble of your Monkey-Free Utopia, Rob, but it’s a known fact that when pet monkeys get too violent, people flush ’em.
Rob: Dude, you can’t eat monkeys. You can’t flush monkeys.
Bucky: What are you, S.P.C. Monkey all of a sudden?
Rob: No, I’m S-A-N-E.
Bucky: What, Stupid & Against Normal Eating?
Satchel: Uh, could we get half onion, half monkey?
–The Potpourrific Great Big Grab Bag of Get Fuzzy, by Darby Conley
Get Fuzzy is a comic strip that stars a 30-something-year-old guy named Rob, a cat, Bucky, who’s intent on taking over the world (or at least killing some birds), and a sweet loveable dog named Satchel. It’s by Darby Conley. It’s very funny, if you like twisted and cynical humour.
This really happened in my 7th grade History class. I swear-
Teacher: “Andrew Jackson is responsible for our present-day conventions.”
Some kid: “Like, nerd conventions for Star Trek and stuff?”
Teacher: “No, political conventions!”
Well, to be fair, the first thing I think of when I hear “convention” is, well, Star Trek and other cosplay type conventions…….They have HP conventions, too. dangit, I wish I could go. Or to, say, one of the various conventions that is either specifically Dr. Who, or just has guests from DW/TW……*sniffle* But I”m a loser who will never get to go.
Yes, he does. And then we ignore him and go totally fangirl-y so as to annoy him. ^^ But I’m mostly over the anime thing at this point….though I need to start watching Code Geass again. My new thing is Cats.
But you should come, SR. That would be awesome….and I’m sure you can find some anime character you like.
Hm… It’s quite possible. All I have to do is google “most annoying anime characters”
♫ Doodoodoodoo… ♫
*googles*
*moseys around*
Hm… Team Rocket is Manga, and they’re not that annoying, actually.
Maybe I’ll just finish DN and go as L.
Cosplaying. And I don’t know where yet, or when. It’s just sometime in March. It was postponed…. but yeah, it’d be great if you guys came! There’s another one in April. I shall email you.
Well, if Annie wants to go and do Tobi (Naruto) instead, you could be L… but that means I’d be tallest. Since when is Matt, who is eight (?) years younger, taller than L?
Let’s see …
L is my favorite character, but there’s the height problem, and an L wig would be hard to find.
I have the same hairstyle as Mello, but I don’t really like Mello.
Misa would be easy-ish to do (I could just put my hair in small pigtails and wear Misa-ish clothes), but I don’t really like Misa either.
I have a (fake) leather jacket, which I could use for Naomi, but I’d need a wig again. And nobody would know who I was.
A Takada-style wig wouldn’t fit over my hair.
From what I remember of your other posts, Near is taken. (Too bad … my karate outfit would have worked.)
Light is out of the question.
Any Shinigami would be too hard to do.
Hiding with a flute is quite easy, due to their long, thin shape. When used correctly, a metal flute cleaning rod could be very harmful, though a flute case may not be that useful as a weapon, and I wouldn’t dream of using my Alanna as a weapon. Actually, I might, due to the fact that I have some pretty strange dreams.
Well, to quote Terry Pratchett, “It’s worse for the piccolo players.” (Or something like that.)
If anyone knows where that quote is from, it’ll make sense. If not, you really need the context, so I can’t help you. Without making a summary, which sounds not-lazy.
Actually, I wasn’t the one attempting to hide while holding a French horn. ANd yes, killing someone with a large metal object would not be to difficult.
SFTDP
“Here. This is your training.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Of course you don’t understand. That’s why I’m teaching you and not the other way around.”
–Eragon (how do you make italics?)
“If you want to get into college, you shouldn’t waste your time with frivolous activities like sleeping and eating regularly” – my history teacher (The sad part is that it’s true.)
“They eat shark poop.” – my biology teacher (It made more sense in context.)
More quotes from my beautiful friends (but the first one I said during computer class)
“This poster ain’t big enough for the two of us!”
{These first two really did make sense in context.}
“Augh! Augh! Too many cowbells!”
“Cowbells are your friends, Kate.”
While reading a Rolling Stone Magazine; about what yu can guess
“See, Lily wanted to rip her face off in every picture, but I said, No, Lily, it’s not your property, you can’t do that.”
“Shh. We are expressing ourselves.”
“We’re pressing underwear?”
“Paul McCartney presses his own underwear?”
“He does?”
“Yes! I learned it on The Paul McCartney Pressing Underwear Show.”
You could say that religion is like a microwave: it heats things up, which is good when you want to eat quickly but very bad for you if you’re a hamster.
Somehow, lawyer doesn’t really seem like an ideal career path for me.
“Wait! We could be friends.”
“We could be rare specimens of an exotic species of African dancing elephants. But we’re not.
At least, I’m not.”
-Coraline
“Back off Q! I don’t need to use you right now!” – Me. I was typing a story, and I kept hitting the ‘q’ key instead of the ‘a’ key.
“What do spiders have to do with anything? I thought we were talking about dinner!” – My dad.
“I told you so!” – Me, to everyone I told so. (Our homeroom lost the turkey bowl.)
Star Trek quotes (potential instances of swearing):
“Permission to speak freely, sir?”
“I welcome it.”
“Do you? OK, then. Are you out of your Vulcan mind?”
-Bones and Spock
“I’ve never beamed three people from two targets onto one pad before!”
-Scotty
“I don’t need a doctor, damn it, I AM a doctor!”
“You need to get back to your seat.”
“I had one, in the bathroom, with no windows!”
-Bones and someone
“You are, in fact, the Mr. Scott who postulated the theory of transwarp beaming?”
“That’s what I’m talking about! How do you think I wound up here? Had a little debate with my instructor on relativistic physics and how it pertains to subspace travel. He seemed to think that the range of transporting something like a… like a grapefruit was limited to about 100 miles. I told him that I could not only beam a grapefruit from one planet to the adjacent planet in the same system – which is easy, by the way – I could do it with a life form. So, I tested it out on Admiral Archer’s prized beagle.”
“Wait, I know that dog. What happened to it?”
“I’ll tell you when it reappears – ahem, I don’t know, I do feel guilty about that…”
-Future Spock, Scotty, and Kirk
“Was the ship what?”
“Wallala!”
“What”
“Womulan!”
“Romulan? Yes!”
“Yes- *Bones injects him with a hypospray* ACK! DAHHIT!”
-Uhura and Kirk
“The notion of transwarp beaming is like tryin’ a’ hit a large bullet wi’ a smaller bullet, wearin’ a blinfold whilst ridin’ a horse.
-Scotty
“Ay, that’s me. You’re in the right place. Unless there’s another hard-working, equally-starved Starfleet officer around.”
“Me!”
“Get aff! Shut up – you don’t eat anything! You can eat like, a bean, and you’re done!”
-Scotty and whatshisname
Hahahahaha. I love that movie. I have it on Bluray.
“Your species is so pathetic. You can’t even talk.”
“I aw uh uh.”
“What? Speak, human.”
“I… got…. your… gun!” *shoots*
-Kirk and Nero’s sidekick what’shisface
“So what kind of combat training do you have?”
“Fencing.”
-Kirk and Sulu
“Evapora-a-a-a-tion, Condensa-a-a-a-tion, Precipita-a-a-a-tion! The water cycle boogie goes ’round and ’round! The water cycle boogie goes up and down! *repeats* *repeats again*
-My sister, singing this really annoying Water Cycle song.
Once in second grade, our intern made up this chant while we learned about the water cycle, which I just remembered existed. Its really easy to get stuck in your head….
Evaporation.Condensation.Precipitation…Storage.Evaporation.Condensa-
*tries to unstick Water Cycle Chant*
“If my brain were square I could fit six-inches less stuff in it”- Pseudonym
“That makes no sense.”-Bubblebabe
“That’s because my brain is square.”-Pseudonym
“What’s a carrot made of?”- random idiot who thinks Pseudonym and I are dating.
A(female): “If I was alive back then, I’d have been a noble, I’m a good smooth-talker.”
Me: “If you were alive back then they would have stoned you.”
A: “No way! They’d have made me the Pope!”
“Someone spit on my music”- The tenor sax in band. I was tempted to tell him that the correct word would be spat, unless he was asking someone to spit on his music.
“Enceladus could be a 43-year-old man! Named, uh…Leroy!” -my friend, and yes, she was talking about MB. (I had just recited a list of MBers who live in Massachusetts.)
“If the world blew up right now, I’d be sad.”
“You wouldn’t be sad, doofus. You’d be dead.”
“What a great loss to this Earth that would be…”
“But this Earth just blew up, remember? So you wouldn’t be a loss to this Earth if there was no Earth.”
“Now you are just being far too logical.”
-A friend and me (you can guess who said what. To me, it’s pretty obvious what I said.)
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Enceladus- Don't Tell me to go work on my fanfiction. says:
Of course, the friend could’ve been emulating the situation found in “The Duel of Dr. Hirsch,” by G.K. Chesterton. No one could have been so completely and precisely incorrect without knowing the truth. A person choosing things by chance would’ve accidentally said some correct things as well as some incorrect things. Therefore her friend could only have been so perfectly incorrect if she knew exactly who you were.
Enc:
You are right. I’m a MBer. Because of that (as a consequence thereof), I’m weird/bizarre/strange/queer.
Speller:
Of course. Normal people don’t go to MB.
(After that, there’s just a brief discussion about which proposition is best for MB, as it is neither a city nor a country nor a religion… It’s too far outside the box for mundane things such as grammar . Considering that, I’d say à is the best.)
“Peter Pan!”
“Wow, most teenagers wouldn’t have know that.”
“Fortunately, I’m not most kids.”
-Mr. R. the science teacher (who has 45 DAYS worth of songs on his i tunes) and me during elective period. Goofing off, what fun.
“That didn’t make sense in context. There was no context for it to make in.” -Me
“Curse you stupid online joke! You have made me hate oranges!” -Me
Teacher: “Hello.”
Class: “Hello.”
Teacher (surprised at getting a response). “Umm hi everybody…”
Me: “Banana!”
Teacher: “Did you just say ‘banana’?”
*Class turns to stare at me.*
Teacher: “Well apples and oranges to you too.”
(The funny thing is, I yell “banana” and other foods several times a day. My teacher must really have not been paying attention all year to be surprised.)
“My screen’s covered in black by the energy pellet!” -My brother, playing Portal.
“Take that you dead dude!” -My stepmom, after shooting an already killed zombie in Left 4 Dead
Super Easy Mystery Quote
“You’re not a good person. You know that, right?”
Quite possibly my favorite bit of RRSSSS I’ve ever written:
What’s wrong, Bill Nye the Silence Guy? Why are you crying?
M-m-m-my brother, Bill Nye the Adolescence Guy, just got attacked by angry tweens for misinterpretation of puberty. *sniff*
How did they find him?
The author was annoyed by him. *poof*
Where’d Bill Nye the Silence Guy go?
HE WENT TO HECK FOR METAGAMING!!! MWAHAHA!
That was surprisingly simple.
Aha! *sneeze* That was only *achoo* trial ONE! *sniff* You shall now *snork* have to face MY *honk* SNEEZY WRATH! *tissue*
I had a hallucination last week where I thought a kid drinking from a water fountain outside the window was a kangaroo. It stayed for around a minute, but I luckily didn’t make a fuss.
*shudders* I kept seeing shadows out of the corner of my eyes when in the dark while I was adjusting to my new contacts (I have hard ones, so if there is very little light/just one bright light I can see the rims). ‘Twas creepy and it explains why I hate flashlights.
Classmate: “If you got money every time you did something stupid, you’d be rich!”
Me: “Why are you talking to yourself?”
“Peanut butter jelly ants!”
-Me
Me: “Hey look! I just got the first piece of the weapon that kills enemies with bad music, and guess what it is.”
My dad: “A Brittany Spears album?”
Me: “Yep!”
(I was playing Death Junior, Root of Evil as Pandora)
Member of The Masked Ones: “Thay are spays!”
Lief: “We are not spies!”
-Dragons of Deltora, book two, The Masked One
Me: “Say something stupid.”
K: “Monkey dung!”
Philippa: “If I slap Lilith deGulle, make sure I don’t do it again”
-Children of the Lamp, book two, The Blue Djinn of Babylon
Buffy quotes which should be funny out of context. (From memory, so I might miss a word here or there.)
(The students are given an egg to take care of in health class)
Xander: Teach it Christian values.
Willow: My egg’s Jewish.
Xander: Well, then teach it the dreidel song.
Spike: I was actually at Woodstock. Weird gig. I fed off a flower person and spent the next six hours watching my hand move.
Drusilla: Do you love the parts of me you can’t see?
Spike: Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet
(Willow’s nailing a cross to her wall to keep vampires out.)
Willow: Imagine the only daughter of Ira Rosenberg nailing a cross to her wall. I had to go to Xander’s house just to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas. It was worth it for the Snoopy dance.
Buffy: From whence it came? *turns to Giles* I have been spending too much time around you.
Giles: It may be that you can wrest some information from that dread machine. That was a bit, um, British, wasn’t it?
(OK, I mostly know this conversation from memory, but I’m going to copy-paste it.)
Giles: (practicing his pick-up lines to a chair) W-w-what I’m proposing is, and I don’t mean to appear indecorous, is-is, um, a-a social engagement, a-a date, if you’re amenable. (despairingly) You idiot!
Buffy: Boy, I guess we never realized how much you like that chair.
Giles: I-I was just working on …
Buffy: Your pick-up lines?
Giles: Um … in a manner of speaking, yes.
Buffy: Then if you don’t mind a little Gene and Roger, you might want to leave off the “idiot” part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood.
Xander: It actually kinda turns me on.
Buffy: (to Xander) I fear for you. (to Giles) You also might want to avoid words like “amenable” and “indecorous.” Y’know, speak English, not whatever they speak in …
Giles: England?
Buffy: Yeah. You just say, “I got a thing. You maybe have a thing. Maybe we could have a thing.”
Giles: Oh, thank you, Cyrano.
Buffy: I’m not finished. Then you say, “How d’you feel about Mexican?”
Giles: About Mexicans?
Buffy: Mexican. Food. You take her for food, for which you then pay.
Giles: Oh, right.
300th post? (I swear, I didn’t make this post just to grab it. I had an idea for a post before I knew.)
“You just want it to be further away from Christmas! Where’s your Christmas spirit?”
“I’m Jewish.”
“…Oh.”
A kid in my class and my teacher, when the kid saw that our teacher had written “12/6/09” instead of “12/16/09” by accident.
“You know, well… The marquis. Well, he seems a little bit dodgy to me.”
“Mm. He’s a little bit dodgy in the same way that rats are a little bit covered in fur.”
-Richard and…Door?, Neverwhere
“(In Spanish)Stand up if you’ve drunk a cow!”
“(also in Spanish)Stand up if you’ve been pregnant!”
-Two kids in my Spanish class. We were playing that game where one person goes in the middle and says something about themselves, and if you are that too, you switch places with people.
Mystery quote from ages ago revealed!
“If I could speak to dragons in their own language, i wouldn’t care about my accent.”
-Arren, The Farthest Shore
“This hill was the first to rise above the sea, when the First Word was spoken.”
“And it will be the last to sink, when all things are unmade.”
“Therefore a safe place to stand on.”
-Arren and Gamble, The Farthest Shore
“Do not underestimate to power of a lone sock, my young grasshoppers. Especially if it has dancing mice in tutus, dogs and cameras or any other rather embarassing motive on it.” -bookgirl_me
Sam: “So, yesterday, I saw P.J. at my church.”
P.J: “…And the best part is, I’m Jewish!”
(two of my friends)
This was a real conversation I had on a comics site-
Me: “In the next chapter of my fan-fic, you will get some disconcerting news about Micheal Griffin.”
L* : “I should know where you should cut someone to kill them most effectively and how to kill someone quickly but painfully.”
O**: “Hopefully THAT’s not the disconcerting news about Dr. Griffin.”
* First letters of usernames are used to protect identities. This poster has a whole “crazy” persona going on and totally doesn’t mean anything he says.
** Likewise, only the first letter of his username.
Oooh, hahaha!
Because Pseudo is upset that I posted that blonde-sounding quote, I shall post one of my own:
“Well, that’s because fish are, like, amphibians.”
Some quotes from the new Sherlock Holmes movie (no, I have not seen it; yes, I have seen the trailers and I want to see the movie).
“Get that out of my face.”
“It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.”
“Get what’s in your hand out of my face.”
-Watson and Holmes
“He’s killed the dog – again.”
-some lady
“I wanted to change the world, but I’ll settle for ending yours.”
-Lord Blackwood
“HOLMES!”
-Watson
“Are we in trouble?”
-Watson again
“Save your bullets, Watson.”
*Later, after Watson and Holmes have just shot a wall multiple times* “What was that about saving bullets?”
-some guy and Watson (gotta love him)
My dad: “Ew, these strawberries have fuzz on them.”
Little sister Lenny, totally seriously: “I’ll eat them! I love strawberries that are fuzzy.”
Dad: “Okay, do you want green or white mold?”
Lenny: “Never mind.”
Mystery quote:
?: “[Something I can’t remember] cut my head out of the railings once….”
?#2: “Did you want them to?”
?: “No, I used to leave it there when I wasn’t using it for school…You can see a lot of the world from a railing.”
Ringo: “Why don’t we call the fire brigade? They cut my head out of the railings once.”
John: Did you want them to?
Ringo: No, I used to leave it there when I wasn’t using it for school… You can see a lot of the world from a railing.”
–from “Help!”; the scene in which the Beatles go to a jewelry shop to get the jeweler to cut of Ringo’s ring
I actually like the Muppet version better than the original, seeing as the original was essentially just 4 or 5 different shots of Queen lip-syncing. Although, since it was the first music video ever (true), you have to take pity on them.
It wasn’t that bad! I like the Queen song better, and the Muppet video better. (Although some of Queen’s later music videos were really good, like Radio Gaga… *goes off on long ramble*)
“Sweet! I made 16 cents selling lemonade!” -My brother’s friend’s little brother, playing a lemonade-selling game on his cellphone
“16 cents! 16 cents! He made 16, 16, 16 cents! Boom chicka boom chicka boom boom boom chicka, 16 cents! *repeat unto eternity with much beatboxing*” -My brother and his friend, bursting into spontaneous rap mode in unison after hearing my brother’s friend’s little brother say the above
“Oh, my god! This is a completely epic present!”
“Really? Is it really, really long? Because that’s what epic means. It is applied to long pieces of writing such as The Odyssey. You can’t use it to describe some fuzzy socks.”
“This is the English language. It’s malleable. You can any word to say anything you want.”
“Ooglethorp wheekwheek? Kweedle!”
“Noo faggah whee. Aggi aggi baddle bah, quantle mi na niyah.”
-Me and my brother, opening Chanukah presents
“Why waste your time worshiping those frivolous fictional characters? You could be doing something productive, like that project your mom told me about!”- my grandma after I showed her the Salute to Symmetry Part 2 picture.
“Fictional?! Are you crazy?!”- Me. (Okay, I didn’t say that but I did think it.)
What I actually said was: “Mom’s in Texas, and she forgot our phone number, how could she tell you anything?” She then walked away, stumped, even though mom didn’t forget our phone number because she called last night.
*My baby cousin Padric plays with a disconnected phone*
Padric: “Ring, ring, it’s for you, Kai. From Switzerland.”
*Takes phone*
Me: “Oh, hi, Switzerland. How’s the chocolate?”
*Pause*
Me: “Yummy! How’s the cheese?”
*Pause*
Me: “Great! How are the particle accelerators?”
My brother: “Kai, you’re weird.”
Ahahaha, the computer teacher at my school has a sweatshirt that says that. I love that quote… even though I’ve never seen Mythbusters, not having cable (either).
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JJjetplane-girlw/catsâ„¢, thinking about shortening/changing her name says:
Thanks. You needn’t worry, I won’t iron that beaver. Although, I was crying because I thought it was a beautifully simple thing to say, not so much that he has died.
Me: Make it stop! They’re all staring at me!
Everybody else: That’s because all the train seats are facing in your direction!
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LittleBasementKitten and Kityera (^>^) (Sheimei, Halena, Cailin, and Cadeo)(Tell me to go work on my homework) says:
Quotes from the movie I watched last night…. Star Trek: Insurrection.
“The Son’a wish to negotiate a cease-fire. It may have to do with the fact that we only have three minutes of air left. ” –Worf
Picard: Mr. Worf, do you know Gilbert and Sullivan?
Worf: No sir, I have not had a chance to meet all the new crew members since I have been back.
Picard: Don’t panic!
Anij: I’ve been shot at, thrown into the lake out of a ship that’s come to abduct us – what’s there to panic about?
((They’re on a planet that’s basically the land of youth–all the crew keeps getting younger.))
Troi: Have you noticed how your boobs have firmed up?
Dr. Crusher: Not that we care about that in this day and age.
Troi: Uh huh.
Dr. Crusher: *notices Data, who’s just brought them a something-or-other* Thank you, Data.
Data: *walks over to Worf*
Worf: I’ve an odd craving for the blood of a live Kolar beast.
Data: And have you noticed how your boobs have firmed up? Not that we care about tha–
Worf: *makes hilarious face*
((How did he keep a straight face? ))
Uh. TC… that’s… rather pointless.And you double posted.
But who am I to talk?!
*has been looking at old posts*
I was such a jerk back then, wasn’t I. -_-
“Woah! I’m in SC, using my friend’s pc, which uses IE, and all the avatars are cut off at the top! Creepy! *pies* hehe yeah!”
-Me, from when I first started here. -_-
“I will take the Ring,” he said,
“though I do not know the way.”
Elrond raised his eyes and looked at him………
“This is the hour of the Shire-folk, when they arise
from their quiet fields,
to shake the towers and counsels of the Great.
Who of all the Wise could have foreseen it?”
Teacher: “What brings us together?”
Me: “Celebrations.”
Teacher: “Of course. When you bump into some big guy on the street, he goes ‘Do that again, buddy, and I’ll knock off your bleeping head!’. But if the Yankees win the World Series, he’ll hug you and cry.”
“There are 10 kinds of people in the world — those who understand trinary, those who don’t understand trinary, and those who mistake it for binary.”
–Anonymous
“When you grow up, your heart dies.”
–Well, who here knows this? Anyone?
“Those [bleepers] took my sunscreen! Sunscreen! And this guy strapped a bomb to his leg and made it through security!”
– My History teacher complaining about the airline industry
“My name is L, and I have two cats.”
“My name is J, and I have one cat.”
“My name is K, and I have no cats.”
“My name is S, and I’m allergic to cats.” <– That was me
– Our Quiz Bowl introduction of ourselves
"So, Samantha, when I was YOUR AGE…"
(When I don't know something like Y2K or Columbine) "Of course she wouldn't know, she's, like, three."
"You're so cute and naive!"
– Many of my friends (I'm the pet of my friends)
Some amusing mystery quotes–all are on the same thread, and written by the same person.
Which thread are they on, and who wrote them?
.
. Who knew broccoli could be so heavy?
Molasses has been enjoying sitting on the deck.
“A lump on your head the size of a walnut.”
Larry has fallen in love with a jazz record.
” ‘Good, you made it just in time.’
‘Just in time for what?’
‘Just in time for me to laser your booty!’ ”
-My brother. Yes, he made this up himself.
My brother: “How did it go?”
Me: “You said it!”
Me: “How are you?”
My stepmom’s friend: “Good, how are you?”
Me: “Uhhh… Is this a trick question?”
Me: “Why were you absent so long?”
Person sitting next to me in math class: “I got pneumonia. I almost died, but the doctor saved me.”
Me: “That sucks.”
Person sitting next to me in math class: “Yeah. I was just like, come on, let me die already!”
Me: “Oh. It’s that stupid pinball bossfight with the fat clown dude.”
D: “You are going to Disneyworld, AND YOU ARE GOING TO LIKE IT!”
Me: “Disneyworld SUCKS!”
Mystery Quote: “You’re gonna roll in heather till your underpants are DEAD?!?”
(Three new Sailor Scouts rush in)
First Scout: “Sailor Fromalhaut b here!”
Second Scout: “Sailor CoRoT-7 on the job!”
Third Scout: “Sailor Gliese 876 d reporting for duty!”
(Sailor Moon sighs)
Sailor Moon: “Things were so much easier before exoplanets…”
“See, the world would be a scary place if my dreams came true. We’d all end up laying floor at Ringo Starr’s house!” –my friend
“You’re a pretty peacock!” –same friend
“We’re……Massachusetts…..hippies….” –same friend, at approximately 2 in the morning. When asked if she was okay, she screamed “NO!” and immediately went back to sleep.
“Here, Huey! I know you’ve been feeling down, so I bought you this card!”
“Oh, Jazmine, you shouldn’t…
…have.”
“Isn’t it pretty?” I’m going to be physically ill…
“I HATE APOLOGIZING!!!”
“Hello, Mr. Elder, I’m-”
“Please. Call me ‘The Sage of South Central’.”
*pause*
“OK, I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that stupid %&$@ and start over…”
“Now, then… it says here that you were the judge on a show called ‘Moral Court’?”
“Yes.”
“Are you now, or have you ever been, a judge, Mr. Elder?”
“No.”
“Mr. Elder, what’s so ‘moral’ about pretending to be a judge when you’re not a judge?”
“Do you understand?”
“I do now… you’re a grown man who still believes in Santa Claus. Scary.”
“Now that is not what I said and you know it!“
“When my family first got the Internet, I had just gotten a new video game and I wanted cheat codes, so I typed in ‘nentindo’. I didn’t get any results.”- BZWingZero.
“Good news. I figured what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.”
“Look: we’re both stuck in this place. I’ll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and one half will be where you live, and I’ll live in the other half. We won’t have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don’t feel like it.”
“Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said “Goodbye” and you were like “No way!” And then I was all “We pretended we were going to murder you?” That was great!”
“Where are we going? Are you coming back? What’s that noise? Is that a gun? Do you smell something burning? Ooooohh… what’s in heeeere?”
“When I said deadly neurotoxin, the deadly was in massive sarcasm quotes. I could take a bath in this stuff. Put in on cereal, rub it right into my eyes… honestly, it’s not deadly at all… to me. You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness… a lot less funny. ”
“The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance: the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it.”
“Time out for a second. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It’s not the surprise. I’ve never seen it before! Never mind. It’s a mystery I’ll solve later… by myself, because you’ll be dead. ”
~Quotes from Portal, the best cake-oriented game ever.
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Patience, Please
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Mystery Quote:
“Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.”
And in the spirit of teh interwebs …
first post?To SudoRandom’s earlier comment about my name: I’m still Rainbow*Star, but I post as Rainbow because it’s shorter to type in.
I saw Midnight Fiddler post as Fiddler once, so I thought it might be okay for me to post as Rainbow.
“Spoiler alert: Okonkwo kills Snape with a Dumbledore and a bag of epiphany yams!” — My friend A.
I doubt this will make complete sense to you unless you’ve read Harry Potter, Invisible Man, and Things Fall Apart, but if you have, it’s hilarious. Especially if you’re on a band competition bus jazzed up on sugar.
A lot of things are hilarious on a band competition bus jazzed up on sugar. I know because I’ve been on one.
This thread was muchly needed.
My brother: “When Wolverine was a baby, the stork dropped him in a vat of radioactive goop. That’s how he got superpowers.”
Me: “There, now you don’t have to watch the movie, he saved you five bucks.”
I’m sorry, but Wolverine is a Mutant (that’s why his part of the X-men, he has the x-gene mutation!), He is also a “member of the species Homo Superior, an evolutionary progeny of Homo sapiens, and are considered the next stage in human evolution.” (half of that was from Wikipedia. the last half in quotes. Consider that a Quotation.)
“your like the Chiang Kai-shek or Mao Zadong of the group.” A friend of mine.
I know, my brother was making a joke.
Me: “Pencil-throwing Jew haters! You’re mean!”
My friend: “Third graders.”
(no offense to anyone Jewish. I’m Jewish myself.)
It’s funnier in person.
me: “I need a new diaper.”
I bet you can’t guess why I said that, or when I said it. I had a logical reason for it.
For a quote that actually makes sense:
“And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?”
–Tom Hanks in Cast Away
We watched this in English class last year, and it took everything I had not to start crying in the middle of class. The monologue this quote is taken from is one of the most powerful, meaningful things I have ever heard in a movie. It’s beautiful.
“Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that kit-kat bar!”
–– if you don’t know, I will kill you.
Actually, it’s “Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that Fancy feast!” ((You may hate me, but Office fans will love me.))
“Things are only impossible until they aren’t!â€
“I wish I could say you’ve been like a father to me, but I never had a father.â€
“So I’m drunk?! Awesome!â€
What do those quotes have in common?
“He’s sorry for this, he’s sorry for that. I really wish people would start apologizing for things that a) they’ve actually done, and b) were actually bad!”
-Me
“No one likes an idiot. However, people do beat them up and take their lunch money.”
-Me (where it came from, I don’t know)
“There are only three people in this world I like: Me, Myself, and I.”
More from NASA Edge-
Chris: “Can you name some famous astronauts?”
Blair: “Oh, yes that’s simple. We’ve got Bruce Willis, Charlton Heston, Steve Buscemi, Robert Duvall, Vin Diesel- that’s questionable, but- Buzz Lightyear. Those are all…”
Chris: “What is the ISS?”
Blair: “Don’t you mean, ‘WHO is Isis?’ That would be the Egyptian mythological goddess or super hero, Isis.”
Chris: “Where will we land when we go back to the moon?”
Blair: “We’re going to land right where we landed the first time. There’s already a rover there, flags. All we need to take are batteries.”
Jacky: “If you want to be an astronaut, you need flight experience. Do you fly?”
Blair: “I fly all the time. All the time commercially. In fact, when I fly, I always go up and talk with the pilot. They show me the cockpit and all the instrumentation. I’m very familiar with that. I feel good about that.”
Jacky: “Have you flown before as in, YOU in the pilot seat?”
Blair: “No.”
“So sayeth Kokopelli, King of Pies!”
Okay, this is going to be long, so I’ll apologize in advance.
I am sorry for the very long post. Now, then, on to the quotations!
“Let’s have fun! Let’s spray each other with gasoline!”
-Mr. H, Psych teacher
“You probably shouldn’t tell your paretns that we had pina coladas in English class.”
-Ms. N, English teacher
“You have a blue crayon and a yellow crayon and you need to make green. What do you do?”
“Um, mix them together?”
“No! You cry!”
-Mr. W, aka Wally, Band director
“Believe in yourself,” the professor said, grasping John’s hands in his own. “You have all that you need within you. You are strong enough. You are intelligent enough. You have learned more than you need to complete the tasks that lie before you. Now you must overcome the fear that is preventing you from embracing your destiny.”
“The fear that I am too weak?” asked John.
“No,” said the professor. “The fear that you are too strong.”
John was taken aback. “Too strong? How can I be too strong? I have failed at every task I’ve been given.”
“Because of your fear,” said the professor. “Not because you were incapable. Our weaknesses are always evident, both to ourselves and to others. But our strengths are hidden until we choose to reveal them– and that is when we are truly tested. When all that we have within is exposed, and we may no longer blame our inadequacies for our failure, but must instead depend upon our strengths to succeed…that is when the measure of a man is taken, my boy.
Believe in yourself. Believe that you were not meant to spend your life in dusty libraries, nor in the battlefields of war, but in doing something greater.
Believe in yourself, John, and that you have it within you to lead an extraordinary life.
Just believe, my boy. My dear boy. Believe.”
-James A. Owen, Here There Be Dragons
ZOMG SOMEONE ELSE HAS READ THAT!
Sorry. That is an awesome book.
My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Just because it’s classic
Inconceivable!
I don’t think that word means what you think it means…
HAHAHAHAHAHA- (dies)
“Have you ever seen a human brain? Come, I will show you my brain.” – Farouk El-Baz, From the Earth to the Moon.
“It looks like you were an elusive moose that day!” –My friend
“Great. Now run of and marry a shrub.”
“You bear an odd resemblance to a scarecrow with a tiny head.”
“Well, first of all about the cellphone, and second of all, you’ve got ravioli on your chin. Thanks!” ~me, in various situations that they made a heck of a lot more sense then they seem to now. Honest.
HA!
Marry a SHRUB???? Wow….
Yes. Marry a shrub indeed. *nods* Remeber, situations.
Some excerpts from a chat I had with SR:
me: I DESPERATELY NEED TO HAVE AN INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION.
PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS.
SudoRandom: Okay. Um….
Fifteen minutes later:
me:
If I tell electros ‘giggle’ for you, will you explain to me why Lloyd is Eeh?
Thus is life between SR and I.
Ahem. I desperately need to see that chat, and I can’t make Sudo forward it to me…. *coughcoughforwarditnowcough* Because I think I need to know what exactly you people were saying about Lloyd. XD
And you accuse me of being a fangirl?
I think he sent it to you….was his ‘explanation’ sufficient?
Yea. And the intelligence of thine chat doth know no boundaries. Truly, we are masters of sanity.
Thy chat. Thine observations, thine intelligence, thine insanity; thy chat, thy boundaries, thy sanity. “Thine chat” is like saying “an pear,” “an bicycle.” (You would, however, say “this chat is thine.”)
Yes, Robert, but you know I’ve never understood any of this. (Remember all those “doths”?) Plus, it drives Enceladus and Piggy bonkers.
If you understand the difference between “a” and “an,” then you understand the difference between “thy” and “thine.” That’s a start.
Fine. I understand it. But I like pretending I don’t.
Driving Piggy bonkers is fun, isn’t it?
And that, at least, is something that SudoRandom definitely understands.
Not just SR….I think it’s something most of us understand. *hugs Piggy* ‘sokay, I only deliberately drive people bonkers if I like ’em. Otherwise, I just ignore ’em…..
Oh, yes indeedee.
i h8 chtspk bt i wil spk it neway b/c piggy is funy wen he goes bonkers
Never mind, I won’t, because it’s hard and I hate it. So there.
I fail to see the joy in mangling the English language almost beyong recognition, where it takes more effort to decipher what you have written than it would have to write it properly.
And I can’t type! Grrrrrrrrrr.
Mystery quotes:
“I will share with you my raisins…”
“But you wanna know about something special?”
“You will love them.”
“So what are you gonna do if you don’t go off to college?”
“What any irresponsible, unmotivated dropout would do. Go to New York, like tonight.”
I don’t know who said this but,
“In every girl there is a goddess!”
Either a deodorant commercial or a Dove commercial.
Mmm… I’d go with Dove.
Or maybe new Dove deodorant?
Or a razor commercial.
I quote myself:
“Generally, there is wood in the forest”
“Pompeii. We’re in Pompeii. And it’s volcano day.” ~The Doctor
Teacher: “Latin tests used to include an excerpt of a poem that we’d already translated in class, as well as questions from the footnotes of that poem. This resulted in people learning the translation and the footnotes by heart and skipping the rest of the test. They passed. So we won’t have a translation of an already translated poem this year. Only several questions about it.”
Me: “So we only need to learn the footnotes by heart!”
Here’s an awesome quote by Bram Stoker:
“The Nosferatu do not die like the bee when he stings once. He is only stronger… This vampire which is amongst us is of himself so strong in person as twenty men, he is of cunning more than mortal, for his cunning be the growth of ages, … he can, within his range, direct the elements, the storm, the fog, the thunder, he can command all the meaner things, the rat, and the owl, and the bat, … and the wolf, , and he can at times vanish and come unknown.” 1897.
That is an awesome quote…
Pathetic, but oh well…quote by me:
Teacher: At the top of the page, put your name, age, and grade and –
Me: So I’ll put A+!
“This is your plan…”
*Big hand gesture*
“THIS is your money.”
*Small gesture*
“Ready? Go!” – Cariann
“This is 2009. No more slide rules.” – Cariann
“Will work for moon shot.” – Ben.
“Don’t eat the moondust, kids.” – Quarkspin
“You’re a bad dog. ”
“Affirmative!”
*KABOOOOOOOOM*
“Bad doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. Let’s do it!”
––––– My friend, trying to convince my other friend to do her sexy Oreo lick again.
Mystery quote:
“We’ll be wearin’ the same smelly underwear for weeks on end!”
“We could write the whole Twilight Saga on a single sheet of paper and avenge the poor trees that were murdered to print them.” –someone on another site
“Would you cheap jerks REALLY rather watch Balloon Boy and his crazy parents rather than us?”- Ben.
“Ooh, it’s one of those big red buttons that must NEVER be touched under any circumstances whatsoever!” *touches*
-I think it was Doctor Who, ages ago
“My spirit animal is a teapot.”
-A girl in my dance class, who just ten minutes earlier had discovered the similarities between being a teapot*makes teapot shape with arms* an Egyptian-walk*you know what I’m talking about* and a monkey*does monkey arms*
Yes, yes, that was Dr. Who. It was…..*thinks* Oh, yes, it was the Christmas special after season 1, and before season 2. Because the doctor had just regenerated and was now being played by the adorable David Tennant.
Oh, god, watch the Dr. Who Weakest Link on YouTube, it’s utterly hilarious, and DT looks–wow–in it. That shirt…..Haha, I think Luna’s hormones are acting up. XD
“For all the years I’ve known you, you might have told me you were psychic!” -My friend, talking to me!
Mystery quote:
“Will John ever live to sleep in his pit again?”
“That’s a flute, K____, don’t eat it.” – One of the idiots in band.
32.1: Yes, that was it. Kind of reminds me of that scene in Yellow Submarine, you know: “Don’t touch that button!” “What, this button?”
Mystery quote:
“If I could speak to dragons in their own language, I wouldn’t care about my accent.”
Mystery quotes:
“That’s not _____.”
“Are you surprised that I’ve read Byron, _____?”
“That’s _______!” (sorry about the blanks, but with some of them, you’d know easily)
“Can I, like, turn into a bat and stuff?”
“No. That’s bull.”
“Heart action stopped, cause unknown, respiration stopped, cause unknown, brain activity stopped, cause un- shall I go on?”
“Life is cruel. It’s all a creation of a god with a cruel but ironic sense of humor.”
“What about those days when everything seems awesome?”
“That’s when the guy is asleep and his cat takes control without his knowledge.”
“Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.”
SFTDP!! (By the way, these are all by the same guy Mike Ditka.)
“If God had wanted man to play soccer, he wouldn’t have given us arms.”
(Argh! I hate this one! But I just had to post it ha ha…)
“I always tell people I want to live to be 150 and they say why would you want to do that. I say, well there’s a few people I haven’t made mad yet, I want to get them.”
“(Our next show) is going to involve gangsters, car bombs, running from people, Apollo 13, and Skylab.”- Ben. (Actually, he’s not lying at all.)
“It’s a treasure hunt on the moon!”- Cariann.
Ben: “The Space Elevator is a pipe dream.”
Cariann: “Don’t you mean a cable dream?”
“Failure Fails.” – Random commenter.
“If it moves and it shouldn’t: duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should: WD-40.”- BZ Wing Zero.
Doctor: These books are from your future. If you read ahead, it will spoil all the surprises. Like peeping at the end.
Donna: Isn’t traveling with you one big spoiler?
Doctor: I try to keep you away from major plot developments. Which, to be honest, I seem to be really bad at.
Vashta Nerada: *move to attack*
Doctor: Don’t play games with me.You just killed someone I liked and that is not a safe place to stand! I’m the Doctor and you’re in the biggest library in the universe. Look me up.
Vashta Nerada: *retreat* You have one day.
-My two favorite episodes of Doctor Who
“I make friends pretty well, but I make enemies even better.” –Me
“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.” –Edgar Allen Poe
~~~~~
T-Shirt Quotes Time!
“That Frisbee was getting bigger and bigger…I couldn’t figure out why. Then it hit me.”
“HUMPTY-DUMPTY WAS PUSHED.”
“Vegetarian.” (underneath a cartoon of a brontosaurus)
I really like this one. The shirt was made to look like a slightly crumpled piece of notebook paper and it said in simple cursive:
“I love you.
That’s my secret.
No hearts. No pretty drawings. No poems or cryptic messages.
I love you.”
Aw, that last one is adorable.
DELIA*S!!!!!!!!!! <3
I know, aren’t those shirts fabulous? I want to get all of them.
My friend has a cool coat she got at Delia’s, but I can’t really get one without seeming weird…
Funniest headline ever:
“Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case.”
“Japanese scientists grow frog eyes and ears.”
“Children make healthy snacks.”
“Milk Drinkers Turn To Powder”.
Okay, I can find logical explanations in all of these except the first one, which I don’t quite understand.
Drunk gets nine months in prison for case involving violin.
Mystery quote!
“They won’t just eat him. Presumably they’ll cook him first.”
Why does that sound familiar?!?!?!?!
Gah, I’ve heard that somewhere before, but I can’t put my finger on where.
Who could have said that? Why, a veritable sage it must have been.
And whatever do you mean by that, Robert?
NOW I remember… It was you… but when? Um. Um. *wracks brain* OH! WAS IT THE ANTEATER METAPHOR? *checks Ask the Gapas* No… How about…
This is going to keep me up all night. Then I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and know, and either post it then or forget in the morning. Either way, not healthy. What have you done to me, Ducky?
I love doing this sort of thing to people.
*kills Ducky* Oh, wait, if I do that we’ll never know the answer….Unless Robert tells? Pwetty pwease? With puffin puffs on top?
Or, I could tell.
Please do, anything to keep Luna from killing me.
Oh, would you? Please? *bats eyelashes*
I could drag this out…Ducky would have a particular reason for remembering this quote, as the “him” refers to her presumed favorite species of fowl.
Well, you could drag it out, or you could have pity on a poor, poor suffering soul.
I’m rather fond of ducks, myself (not eating, never eaten one). I’ve raised several orphaned wild ones, after all……
(Summer 2006:
4 teals: Harry, hermione, hagrid, and Neville
4 scaups: Buckbeak, Norbert, Fluffy, and Trevor
Summer 2007:
Unknown duckies: James, Sirius, Remus, Severus, and Lily–Severus and Lily were a different species than the others
Summer 2008:
Unknown duckies: Dobby and Kreacher
Summer 2009: Regulus, as well as several that got brought home and released, and didn’t get named……
I also raised several goslings, but we’re talking ducks not geese, so we shan’t go there)
I shall take pity: https://musefanpage.com/blog/?p=3183#comment-306519
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! All hail Lady Bunniful, SQ!
They’re really quite tasty, with none of that dry white meat that you’ll find on a chicken.
AAH! I REMEMBERED THAT! I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THREAD IT WAS! BUT I REMEMBERED SOMETHING ABOUT ROSEQUARTZ BEING SURPRISED ABOUT DUCKY EATING THE DUCKY! BUT I WASN’T SURE! AAHHH! :aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (In my head, :aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: is a cross between
(the mouth) and 
(everything else.) I’m suddenly shocked at MB’s apparent lack of screaming emoticons.)
But…but….I couldn’t eat duckies. After raising some, that would be, like, eating a pet. *shudder* Nope, no can do.
Yum, duck. You can get it at Chinese resteraunts. But I don’t think I’d be able to eat it if I raised pet ducks.
I actually only eat ducks that I personally knew.
I sense a theme in those names…
I haven’t the foggiest idea what you’re talking about, Ducky.
I see it too, Ducky, although I’m sure Luna is assuring us that there is no theme.
Ahhh! Muse blog 2!!!??? Hi Robert
remember me? Came back to check up on my favorite place in the whole world. 
KITKAT
HI
I don’t know if you even remember me, but hello!
44-It sounds a bit like Terry Pratchett but I’m not sure.
Some quotes from Andromeda (the TV series):
“Here’s everything I know
about war: Somebody wins,
somebody loses, and
nothing is ever the same again.”
Harper:
Is this the part where we bravely run away?
OK, how come they can hit us and we can’t hit them?
Note to sculptors – Statues of me should look, I dunno, wise, concerned. I suggest posing me with a soldering wand over my head like a sword.
I think I know what’s wrong with your slipstream drive there. It’s missing!
It’s a… killer beach-ball.
Tyr:
And when the Magog unleash their dreaded bouncing ball attack, we’ll make them rue the day.
I can usually spot a planet. They’re large. I have good eyes.
Trance: Patching him up is easy as cake.
Dylan: Easy as pie.
Trance: Are you sure about that? I think that making pie is a lot harder than cake.
Dylan: Just fix him, Trance.
Rev: Hello Tyr. Have you come to join me in meditation?
Tyr: Meditation is for weak people with troubled minds. Is your mind troubled?
Rev: You have an interesting way of starting a philosophical discussion.
Rester: You want our identity and purpose? This is ‘Nahwals Lament’, we’re here to kill you!
Rev: Well bless you too.
Dylan: I like them.
Beka: Yeah, but you like everyone, even people who try to kill you… especially people who try to kill you.
Sarah: I can’t leave. Not until my experiment finishes running.
Dylan: You mean this? [Points to a computer terminal]
Sarah: Yes.
Dylan: [Dylan shoots the terminal, causing it to explode] Well now it’s finished.
Beka: Careful, Harper. That is one of Trance’s plants.
Harper: I know.
Beka: She loves them.
Harper: I know.
Beka: She gives them names.
Harper: Trust in the Harper, the Harper is good. It goes in here… [Plant disappears] …and it comes out there. [Plant reappears and explodes]
Beka: I believe she called that one “Walter”.
A visiting scientist (long story): I must say, the prospect of tearing you apart particle by particle and re-assembling you on a ship 300 years in the past is quite exhilarating.
Beka: What if they start shooting? How am I supposed to run in a dress?
Rommie: Good heavens! What kind of dinner parties have you been to?
Beka: Hey, I read the first officer’s job description. ‘Playing Devil’s Advocate’ – it’s on page three.
Dylan: Get thee behind me, Satan.
Dylan: I have only one question. What are we talking about?
Beka: If you don’t want me to go, why don’t you just say so?
Dylan: I don’t want you to go.
Beka: D***. Didn’t think you’d say so.
Beka: Y’know, Trance, what I could do with 10 million guilders?
Trance: Oh, you could buy lots of drinks with little umbrellas in them.
Trance: What did they do to you?
Beka: Nothing – I walked into a door.
Trance: So… did you tell the door what it wanted to know?
Rev: I’ve discovered something disturbing about Lt. Pearce.
Harper: What, that she’s a psychotic android with a grudge?
Rev: I was going to say that she’s not on the crew manifest.
*is addicted*
No, that is incorrect. Hint: Someone said it on MuseBlog.
“When people upset me I draw pictures of them on buses going to Hell, Disaster, or Ohio.”- PostSecret.
“I’m not going to give you the spoon too, so go away” – Me
“Oh, so you’re going to kill your cat because Miley Cyrus no longer Tweets but you’re going to do it quickly and painlessly? Aw, you angel you….REALLY???” –someone on another site
“Your chin is hurting. I can tell.”
“My raindrop has a dent in it!”
These made sense in context. Really.
SCENE
Final period. Technology class. The bell has rang, and I’m gathering my books which are sprawled over my desk. Everyone is leaving, and I notice that my friend, Christa, is also leaving.
“Christa, wait!!!”
“Okay, I’ll see you outside!”
*relief*
*lights turn off*
“Oh know! I’m all alone in the dark!” *panics*
“No you’re not.” – My Tech teacher, becoming creepier every day
Oh, and after that I started hyperventilating and I ran out of the classroom…
You spelled “Krista” wrong….
“I want to put my hands in my pockets but I can’t ’cause my pants cover my pants!” -me.
(This made sense at the time.)
“-are kidding me. Did you just stick that Aperture Science thing-we-don’t-know-what-it-does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator? That has got to be the dumbest thing I ever- whoa, whoa, wooooooooaahh…
*static-like sounds, something that sounds like a chuckle*
[in a lower, softer voice]Good news. I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable, while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.”
“That thing you burned up isn’t important to me. It’s the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans. [pause] Nice job breaking it, hero.”
“I’ll give you a hint: you’re going to want to pack as much living as you possibly can into the next couple of minutes.”
“Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an ‘unsatisfactory’ mark on your official testing record, followed by death. Good luck!”
“There isn’t a tongue in this one” “It smells like jambalaya in here!”
Mystery quote:
“Well, that knocked the doorknob right out of his face!” –? (Enceladus, you should know!)
Was it me?
Nope, but it’s someone you know, though not personally.
(joyfully)”I’m a slug!”
Quotes from my Monday Clubs:
“Get back up and die some more!”
“Get more…. floosh into it!”
“We must fight a duel!”
“Um….okay….”
“One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war!”
“No no no, pimples are waaaaay more interesting than cactuses!”
Yes, my friends are strange. I know. To be fair, three of those were from Theater Club….but still. XD
“My brother is a platypus.”
“Does he live in a submarine?”
“What does that matter?”
“No, that’s a walrus.”
“Unless you want to eat my shoes, which are made of beef.”
“Are they sauteed?”
“I better stop and shop!”
These are from a conversation during a two-hour long car ride with four of my friends. I wrote everything we said down. In retrospect, my mom must’ve thought we’d officially lost it.
Yeah, I love that quote.
*cracks up*
Your friends sound at least as strange as my friends. Maybe we know some of the same people…. 
Ha ha, maybe. As you can see, our conversations usually consist of us saying random phrases to each other, rather than actual coherent dialogue. Other quotes from that conversation:
“Hey, let’s call Tom Hanks! He’s my best friend!”
“I love triangles…”
“I just imagined a banana-Cleopatra.”
“It looks like you were an elusive moose that day!” (one of my favorites)
“Hey, look, it’s a limo!” (there actually was a limo outside the car right then.)
“They should be watching Yellow Submarine.”
“NO! That would scare them before nighty-night.”
Hehehehehe.
Some quotes from a really warped production of Comedy of Errors which electros’ and my families put on:
“I know she’s a crossdresser of ill repute, but I’m hungry!”
“Texas!”
“Northampton!”
“Oops. Nope. Sorry.”
Don’t you just love those preforming groups…
Hmmmmm. Quotes.
From Torchwood (unfortunately, most of the really funny ones are probably not considered appropriate to MB…..Especially considering half the really funny ones, they wouldn’t even probably be able to get away with on US tv…..):
Banana (the guy’s nickname): I’m Banana. S’pose you can tell why.
Tosh: You come up in spots and go soft quickly?
Banana: So you fancy a little drink later?
Tosh: Sorry. I’m intolerant to vasoactive amines.
Banana: Huh?
Tosh: Bananas make me vomit.
(second season, forget the number, but the name is “Something Borrowed”–this was a funny scene.)
Ianto: Welcome to the wonderful world of scantily-dressed celebrities.
John (he’s from WWII era–came through the rift. don’t ask.): There’s children around!
Ianto: She’s a children’s TV presenter.
^^^All lines said by Ianto are so much funnier when you hear him–it’s the way they’re delivered, in this dry, Welsh accented tone. * ♥ ‘s Ianto*
Jack: Come on! Have a little faith. With a dashing hero like me on the case how can we fail?
Ianto: He is dashing, you have to give him that.
Ianto: I have searched for the phrase “I shall walk the Earth and my hunger will know no bounds”, but I keep get redirected to Weight Watchers.
Salesperson: Can I help you?
Ianto: Yeah, I’m looking for a wedding dress for a friend.
Salesperson: Of course you are, Sir. You’d be surprised. We’re quite used to men buying wedding dresses for their “friends.”
[note: He really was buying it for a friend….but what was so funny, was how clueless he was about what the salesperson thought. XD]
Jack: It’s been a busy day, but we are not finished yet. We’ve got a lot to do. We’ve got a major mop-up operation, and I want your best work. Remember: it’s Gwen’s wedding.
Ianto: That’s what I love about Torchwood. By day you’re chasing the scum of the Universe, come midnight, you’re the Wedding Fairy.
Ianto: Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string, everything! Absolutely everything! No phones, phones all broken. Hello, anyone there? No, cause the phones aren’t working!
“Is Ayn Rand the lady who writes all those books about vampires?” – Me.
Sort of. I guess it depends on your interpretation.
By “me” you mean “us,” right?
It’s not my fault her name is so similar to Ann Rice’s…
They even share the same vowel sounds, except in reverse. Maybe you’ve stumbled onto “their” secret….
“Where is a trashcan’s butt, anyway?” -Me, talking to Sudo. I don’t think you want to know in what context.
Oh, I do…
“When jungles creak in doorless hallways.”- All About The Mouse podcast
“There’s eye shrapnel in his head. That’s good.”
“It’s a flashing flashlight!”
“I’m scraping out his eyebrow.”
That’s all me. Can you guess why I said those things?
“Go shoot zombies, Fred.”
-My friend, to another friend. Name changed for privacy
“They’re all going crazy and blaming the moon!”
-Me. Guess what my friends were doing at the time?
“It’s LUNAcy.”
-My friend ‘Fred’
These were all on the same night, by the way. I have no real idea what happened that day.
“Be more assertive with your owl pellet.” ~ my biology teacher
“Don’t sneeze into the bones.” ~ same teacher
“What is 1-1?” ~ a REAL Scholastic Bowl question
“These moronic Republican senators…” ~ another ScoBowl question (actually used!)
“Can you tell what the political views of the question writers are?” ~ one of the ScoBowl moderators
“You can stab yourself and listen at the same time.” -my math teacher, perfectly calmly.
“I can’t hear you over how epic I am.” -Hobo Fred
Also,
“The recession is everywhere. People are losing their jobs. It’s so sad. But at least there are some good sales.” -Mary-Kate Olsen
“There’s carpet on my pants!!”
“My socks are flobbing…”
– Me
…
I. Don’t. Know.
But they do. At night. When no one is watching.
Ooooh.
Flobbing socks…
*shifty eyes*
“Darn, I committed virtual suicide.” -Pseudonym
“Now my chest is crying, because of those pesky little onions.” -Pseudonym
“That’s too BAD!” -me
“She shifted her face into neutral…”
– Unknown
66 (and its replies): Whoa, that’s weird. One of my friends is always screaming, “I’m gonna flub your head!” at people. Don’t ask.
68–I like that a lot!
My new favourite quotes:
“The world is but a canvas to the imagination.” –Thoreau
“When I step into this library, I cannot understand why I ever step out of it.” Marie de Sevigna
“I seem to have been like a child on the seashore, finding now and then a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay undiscovered before me.” –Sir Isaac Newton
“We have too many high-sounding words and too few actions that correspond with them.” –Abigail Adams
“We’ve removed the ceiling above our dreams…” –Libby Houston
~~~~~~~~~
And now some from my psycho friends:
“Wasn’t Elvis abducted by aliens?”
“No, stupid, he was abducted by scarecrows.” (during math class)
“God, Casey, how could you just consume a legend?!” (after my friend’s dog ate a picture of the Beatles)
“Great going, guys. Now you all have to deal with the Eco-Friendly Emi.” (he was talking about me!)
“It’s the Happy Grim Reaper!”
Nice avatar, Silver Lining ..
“The bar is so BIG!!! Neenhhh.” -Pseudo, talking about NaNoWriMo.
“Campers are in tents. Archie is insane!” Reggie Mantle
“Dad, you have to recycle that paper or the trees will GET you.”- Me.
“And that’s why ninjas don’t use bunk beds.” – Me.
“Imagine watching the credits for a movie and seeing ‘Artistic Director- Walt Disney’, ‘Director- Stephen Spielberg’, ‘Executive Producer- George Lucas’.” – All About The Mouse.
“I am a ninja!” -friend
“I thought ninjas were stealthy, and that they didn’t admit they were ninjas.”-me
“That’s why I’m announcing that I’m a ninja. So that people will think I’m not a ninja because I announce it! Are you a ninja?” friend
“No. I’m not a ninja. Of course, I could be stealthy enough that I’m pretending to not be a ninja pretending to be a ninja pretending to not be a ninja.” me
“Yes, you’re definitely a ninja.” friend
“No, he’s a ninja robot!”-other friend
“Yes, I can see him in that tree, controlling the ninja robot”- friend
“No, that’s not me. I’m actually far away, controlling a robot controlling a robot controlling a robot controlling this robot”-me.
I’m going to walk home with those friends more often.
From a story I wrote:
Boss: “I asked you ‘How can we better market to the younger generation?’, and you wrote ‘When we go on talk shows, we should all wear plastic vampire fangs and body glitter.'”
Joel: “You don’t think that would work?”
Boss: “Mr. Jacobson, that idea is quite frankly the stupidest thing I have ever heard.”
Some of my friends and me, discussing important politics…
L: “So, we write that we want *subway station* to be redone with more lights-”
Me: “And to be cleaned”
Ma:”And the junkies to be thrown out!”
L: “Um, they’re already doing that. That’s why there are so many. I’ll just write “to be redone with more lights””
Me:”So that we can see the dirt better?”
Ma: “And it should be redecorated.”
C: “Yeah, like what, palm fronds and greenery?”
Ma: *cracks up* “Yes, palm fronds carried by half-naked guys who have to fan you with them!”
C: “And we take out the trains and make a river and let people row!”
M: “On wooden rafts!”
C: “But only young, cute guys!”
L: *ignores* “And on to our next project: *street*. They should redo that.”
C: “They just redid that!”
L: “But I was walking home from dancing class and my heel got caught four times.”
Me & L: *crack up* ((Okay, it was quite amusing at the time))
Ma: “They should put a red carpet in…”
C: “And those guys from the subway!”
*all subside into laughter* Okay, it’s funnier when you a) imagine it and b) are stuck in a boring class and c) watched L managed to lose her shoe four times on street the other day.
From my NaNo (equally insane):
“Okay, fine. But I’m not touching the desk.”
“Just hope that it doesn’t touch you, …”
I like that idea. Cute, hot, half-naked guys rowing you around and fanning you with palm fronds.
Yes, we really should have made Ma. and C. delegates…
“Why did you sit next to me and say hello in an extremely happy voice? People do not normally sit next to me and say hello in an extremely happy voice. People do not normally sit next to me at all unless they absolutely have to.” – Me
It’s actually not that funny. Everything I said is true.
Well, I’m sorry if it it’s true. I still don’t believe it, of course, but the quote is still funny.
“Give me a hug!”
“Ew, no. I don’t wanna give you a hug.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ll catch your disease.”
“I don’t HAVE a disease, smart one.”
“Well, there must be something that’s causing you to look like that.”
–two random kids in the hallway
*hisses like an enraged wildcat* (I actually do that sometimes- I wonder if that’s why no one wants to sit by me…)Well, it really is true.
“Our late editor is dead, he died of death, which killed him.” -John Lennon
75- Aww *hugs* People tend to be ignorant. You sound a bit like Rincewind there (Interesing Times, by Terry Pratchett).
M:”You know, with the flu and all, it’s probably better to air-kiss people than to shake their hands.”
Me: “Of course, and you’ll be starting with the cute guys at ballroom dancing class, right?”
“If I was John Lennon, I would have had a better looking girlfriend.” –Cleverbot ((my friend and I nearly died laughing when en said that to us.))
Wow. *cracks up* Was that referring to Yoko or Cynthia?
Well, my friend responded with “Say no to Yoko!” to which Cleverbot said, “NO, indeed!”
Yoko’s not that bad, I don’t know why everyone attacks her… The Beatles breaking up wasn’t her fault, it was just John’s obsession with her…
Well, yes, I know that, but Friend #1 (who was actually talking to Cleverbot at the time) pretty much bases all of her information about the Beatles on me and my other friend who really, really, really dislikes Yoko Ono. So.
“That’s ridiculous! You know what you can buy for $143,000,000?”
“143 million lottery tickets?”
“Yes!“
Hahaha.
Heehee!
K: “My favorite chatspeak is BTW.”
My mom: “The only one I know is POS.”
K: “What’s that stand for?”
Mom: “Parent Over Shoulder.”
K: “Oh….my mom is usually POK….Parent Over Kitchen….’cause she cooks a lot.”
L (K’s sister): “Well, not, like, literally over the kitchen….she doesn’t hover.”
K: “No. No, she doesn’t hover. Moms don’t hover.”
That whole conversation was very strange. XD
“Go check it out.”
*the other guy just sits there, he looks at him*
“…Now?”
“- No, tomorrow, egghead – Now!”
“and down they forgot as up they grew.” –e. e. cummings
“‘Get off of the car,’ J.Lo huffed. ‘I am an English superstar.'” –from The True Meaning of Smekday, by Adam Rex (I have no idea why I find this so funny, but I had tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard when I first read it)
“The bad thing about winning is that it means your best friend didn’t win.” – Zenon, the original movie.
This is sorta long, but I like it:
“So my….reality fixator is broken?”
“Yes, that’s the most likely explanation.”
“What are the other explanations?”
“Well, you could be hallucinating.”
“If I’m hallucinating, what are you?”
“A hallucination. Duh.”
“But if you were a hallucination, would you be telling me that you were?”
“I could be telling you that to fool you into thinking that I’m not a hallucination.”
“If you were, you wouldn’t have just said that.”
“Well, maybe I’m a very clever hallucination who knows that if I said that you would think that.”
“Do hallucinations think?”
“I wouldn’t know. I’m not a hallucination.”
“You could just be saying that to fool me…”
-part of a very short story fragment I wrote. You don’t really wanna know.
I LOVE paradoxes!!!!!!
That’s awesome. I DO really wanna know.
Mmm….no, you don’t. It’s not very interesting, really, and I’ve forgotten where I put it. That was the best part of it. But thanks.
“That’s awfully Hindu of you.” – Social Studies teacher
In this scene our teacher asked us what Confucius would think of America.
“He would be like,’What the hell?!’ ” – Shelby
“Shelby, what do you think.”
*blinks*
“Oh, well…”
“So class, what was the life lesson for today?”
(To my group) “Well, we learned that women are evil and dark, and it’s okay to steal as long as your parents are poor.”
(EXPLANATION- Yin and Yang- Women are in the same list as evil and darkness, and Confucius said to respect your parents, but yur friends are equal, so…)
“Get out of my way!”
“Why should I?”
“Because I’m a man and you’re a woman.”
“Yeah, but I’m taller than you.”
-A girl and a (short) boy in the hallway. It was really funny and really sad at the same time.
That sort of thing makes me angry. Hasn’t he heard of “ladies first”?
Haven’t you heard of “All men created equal”?
But yeah, I agree. That was kind of stupid.
That makes a great diss; you can just step back and say ladies first…
But then you’re implying that being a woman is bad.
No, it’s implying that the guy you’re talking to is a girl.
Space Camp councilor: “If I was a perfect robot, how would you know I was a robot?”
Me: “Would YOU know you were a robot?”
Space Camp councilor: “That’s the question…”
Me: “O…K…”
“If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian.” –Paul McCartney
Now It’s time for the BEST “GET FUZZY” COMIC EVER:
Rob (on the telephone): …15 minutes? Great, thanks.
Bucky: You ordered a pizza? Did you get monkey on it?
Rob: And where do you suggest “Antonio’s” gets monkeys? The vast monkey plantations of Mississippi? Monkey traps off the coats of Maine? Or maybe from Wyoming, where rugged monkeyboys drive the monkey herd to town…?
Bucky: Robert, this country is infested with monkeys! Wild monkeys, stray monkeys, feral monkeys emerging nightly from sewers and terrorizing the children…
Rob: There are no “sewer monkeys,” Bucky.
Bucky: I hate to burst the bubble of your Monkey-Free Utopia, Rob, but it’s a known fact that when pet monkeys get too violent, people flush ’em.
Rob: Dude, you can’t eat monkeys. You can’t flush monkeys.
Bucky: What are you, S.P.C. Monkey all of a sudden?
Rob: No, I’m S-A-N-E.
Bucky: What, Stupid & Against Normal Eating?
Satchel: Uh, could we get half onion, half monkey?
–The Potpourrific Great Big Grab Bag of Get Fuzzy, by Darby Conley
I have a personal rule not to type LOL unless I am actually laughing out loud. With that said … LOL.
And I have no idea what Get Fuzzy even is.
Get Fuzzy is a comic strip that stars a 30-something-year-old guy named Rob, a cat, Bucky, who’s intent on taking over the world (or at least killing some birds), and a sweet loveable dog named Satchel. It’s by Darby Conley. It’s very funny, if you like twisted and cynical humour.
This really happened in my 7th grade History class. I swear-
Teacher: “Andrew Jackson is responsible for our present-day conventions.”
Some kid: “Like, nerd conventions for Star Trek and stuff?”
Teacher: “No, political conventions!”
Well, to be fair, the first thing I think of when I hear “convention” is, well, Star Trek and other cosplay type conventions…….They have HP conventions, too. dangit, I wish I could go. Or to, say, one of the various conventions that is either specifically Dr. Who, or just has guests from DW/TW……*sniffle* But I”m a loser who will never get to go.
I’m going to an anime convention in March and I’m soooooo hyper about it….. XD
You are?
Where? Where? When? When? I wanna go! 
Is it a cosplaying convention, or just a general anime convention?
Maybe I’ll come too, and whine the whole time!
That sounds rather like something I might do, actually… XD
I get on their case a lot about being fangirls.
Yes, he does. And then we ignore him and go totally fangirl-y so as to annoy him. ^^ But I’m mostly over the anime thing at this point….though I need to start watching Code Geass again. My new thing is Cats.
But you should come, SR. That would be awesome….and I’m sure you can find some anime character you like.
Um… why Cats? I have to say I didn’t like that show very much. It had no plot and the music was merely okay to good.
Most ofAll of my friends feel the same way as you do… XD I dunno, really. Because I liked it when I was eight, probably.Hm… It’s quite possible. All I have to do is google “most annoying anime characters”
♫ Doodoodoodoo… ♫
*googles*
*moseys around*
Hm… Team Rocket is Manga, and they’re not that annoying, actually.
Maybe I’ll just finish DN and go as L.
Cosplaying. And I don’t know where yet, or when. It’s just sometime in March. It was postponed…. but yeah, it’d be great if you guys came! There’s another one in April. I shall email you.
I wish you guys could come to AnimeCon and cosplay with Dani, Justine, Annie (maybe), and me. TT^TT
Could I come to AnimeCon with you? *brainstorms ideas for DN costume*
Well, if Annie wants to go and do Tobi (Naruto) instead, you could be L… but that means I’d be tallest. Since when is Matt, who is eight (?) years younger, taller than L?
Let’s see …
L is my favorite character, but there’s the height problem, and an L wig would be hard to find.
I have the same hairstyle as Mello, but I don’t really like Mello.
Misa would be easy-ish to do (I could just put my hair in small pigtails and wear Misa-ish clothes), but I don’t really like Misa either.
I have a (fake) leather jacket, which I could use for Naomi, but I’d need a wig again. And nobody would know who I was.
A Takada-style wig wouldn’t fit over my hair.
From what I remember of your other posts, Near is taken. (Too bad … my karate outfit would have worked.)
Light is out of the question.
Any Shinigami would be too hard to do.
“It’s hard to hide while holding a French horn.” -Me
You don’t need to hide when holding French Horn. If it’s in it’s case. You could seriously kill someone with a French Horn case.
Hiding with a flute is quite easy, due to their long, thin shape. When used correctly, a metal flute cleaning rod could be very harmful, though a flute case may not be that useful as a weapon, and I wouldn’t dream of using my Alanna as a weapon. Actually, I might, due to the fact that I have some pretty strange dreams.
SFTDP Alanna is my flute, in case you were wondering.
Well, to quote Terry Pratchett, “It’s worse for the piccolo players.” (Or something like that.)
If anyone knows where that quote is from, it’ll make sense. If not, you really need the context, so I can’t help you. Without making a summary, which sounds not-lazy.
Actually, I wasn’t the one attempting to hide while holding a French horn. ANd yes, killing someone with a large metal object would not be to difficult.
SFTDP
“Here. This is your training.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Of course you don’t understand. That’s why I’m teaching you and not the other way around.”
–Eragon (how do you make italics?)
<i<* and </i<* when you're done.
*reverse this last <
Thanks
<i>Whatever you want in italics</i>
“You can kill a person with cornflakes.” -Me, on the SpaceVidcast chat. It made sense in context.
“If you want to get into college, you shouldn’t waste your time with frivolous activities like sleeping and eating regularly” – my history teacher (The sad part is that it’s true.)
“They eat shark poop.” – my biology teacher (It made more sense in context.)
“Life’s goal is usually to survive, not to make giant mirrors for your creators.” -Splash Teacher
“You smell skinny today!” -my dad
“Some have magic… some have mayhem… we have both.” – All About The Mouse
All from NASA Edge:
“You being live and unscripted at the same time scares me.” -Chris
“I’m pumped up on adrenaline. That, and Red Bull.” – Jon
“If the Ares I-X blows up, we’ll be very, very busy.” – Ashley
Blair: “All I have to say is- take that, triboelectrification!”
Chris: “That’s right.”
Blair: “In your face!”
We have studied mathematics at the rate of hurricanes-!
-Translation Party
More quotes from my beautiful friends (but the first one I said during computer class)
“This poster ain’t big enough for the two of us!”
{These first two really did make sense in context.}
“Augh! Augh! Too many cowbells!”
“Cowbells are your friends, Kate.”
While reading a Rolling Stone Magazine; about what yu can guess
“See, Lily wanted to rip her face off in every picture, but I said, No, Lily, it’s not your property, you can’t do that.”
“Shh. We are expressing ourselves.”
“We’re pressing underwear?”
“Paul McCartney presses his own underwear?”
“He does?”
“Yes! I learned it on The Paul McCartney Pressing Underwear Show.”
Miles B. – “Violence is occasionally the answer.”
A SHORT SCRIPT:
Mom: There’s no Sunday school next week.
Pseudo: Thank God.
HAHAHAHAHA
“We are no longer moonstruck wanderers roaming dreamily in the pale light of history.”
– Unknown
Live, thread, Live!!!!!
“You all laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at you because you are all the same.”– Unknown
“This person’s left wing is bigger than her right wing.”
“That’s okay. Maybe she’s just twitching.”
I very nearly just said this on hot topics:
You could say that religion is like a microwave: it heats things up, which is good when you want to eat quickly but very bad for you if you’re a hamster.
Somehow, lawyer doesn’t really seem like an ideal career path for me.
*If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
*There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
*Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
*Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
*Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
*Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
*Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
*Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
*There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
*Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
*Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
*Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
*Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
*There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
*When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
*Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
*Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
*Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
*Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
*Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
*Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
*Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
(Chuck Norris, obviously. There are more where those came from if anyone wants to me to post more.)
“Chuck Norris has won the game.” The agreement of some of my friends.
“Wait! We could be friends.”
“We could be rare specimens of an exotic species of African dancing elephants. But we’re not.
At least, I’m not.”
-Coraline
“Maybe Very Educated Men Just Simply Underestimated Nature?”- Sky and Telescope.
“Down, hair, down!”
– Me. Yes, I was talking to my hair.
“Back off Q! I don’t need to use you right now!” – Me. I was typing a story, and I kept hitting the ‘q’ key instead of the ‘a’ key.
“What do spiders have to do with anything? I thought we were talking about dinner!” – My dad.
“I told you so!” – Me, to everyone I told so. (Our homeroom lost the turkey bowl.)
“I will dodgeball you!” One of my friends
“If chimps and plants can become mayors, then this world domination thing will be a cinch for us.” -IBCF, on an old Kokonspiracy thread.
“I want the people to know… that they still have two out of three branches of government working for them, and that ain’t bad.”
-unknown source
“If you’re not part of the solution, there’s good money to be made in prolonging the problem.”
– a “Consulting” demotivational poster
“None of us is as dumb as all of us.”
– a “Meetings” demotivational poster
Hahaha yes…
I ♥ despair(dot)com
“What are you, 60?!?”- My dad, on finding out that my sister reads Mary Worth. (I was sort of thinking the same thing at the time :))
“If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.” – Chemistry poster in my school.
Carol never wore her safety goggles. Now she dosen’t need them.
poster in my science classroom depicting a lady with a white cane.
“Johnny was a scientist,
but he isn’t anymore.
‘Cause what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.”
Sulfuric acid yay!
“Why must I be the bipolar cow guy?”
~ Me. It made sense in context.
“So, Chloe. When you climbed Pikachu, were there plants on top? Oops, I meant Picchu, sorry.” -my bio teacher, who is clueless and calls them Pokemans
“There’s no place for Vogons in Lord Of The Rings!” AM
It made sense in context. However, the context didn’t make sense.
Yes there is. Vogon Constructor Fleet vs. Nazgul = Awesome.
Actually, I was thinking at the time Vogon Constructor Fleet vs. Orc Army.
“Fear minus death equals fun.” – Disney Imagineer on “What makes a thrill ride?”
Star Trek quotes (potential instances of swearing):
“Permission to speak freely, sir?”
“I welcome it.”
“Do you? OK, then. Are you out of your Vulcan mind?”
-Bones and Spock
“I’ve never beamed three people from two targets onto one pad before!”
-Scotty
“I don’t need a doctor, damn it, I AM a doctor!”
“You need to get back to your seat.”
“I had one, in the bathroom, with no windows!”
-Bones and someone
“You are, in fact, the Mr. Scott who postulated the theory of transwarp beaming?”
“That’s what I’m talking about! How do you think I wound up here? Had a little debate with my instructor on relativistic physics and how it pertains to subspace travel. He seemed to think that the range of transporting something like a… like a grapefruit was limited to about 100 miles. I told him that I could not only beam a grapefruit from one planet to the adjacent planet in the same system – which is easy, by the way – I could do it with a life form. So, I tested it out on Admiral Archer’s prized beagle.”
“Wait, I know that dog. What happened to it?”
“I’ll tell you when it reappears – ahem, I don’t know, I do feel guilty about that…”
-Future Spock, Scotty, and Kirk
“Was the ship what?”
“Wallala!”
“What”
“Womulan!”
“Romulan? Yes!”
“Yes- *Bones injects him with a hypospray* ACK! DAHHIT!”
-Uhura and Kirk
“The notion of transwarp beaming is like tryin’ a’ hit a large bullet wi’ a smaller bullet, wearin’ a blinfold whilst ridin’ a horse.
-Scotty
“Ay, that’s me. You’re in the right place. Unless there’s another hard-working, equally-starved Starfleet officer around.”
“Me!”
“Get aff! Shut up – you don’t eat anything! You can eat like, a bean, and you’re done!”
-Scotty and whatshisname
Hahahahaha. I love that movie. I have it on Bluray.
“Your species is so pathetic. You can’t even talk.”
“I aw uh uh.”
“What? Speak, human.”
“I… got…. your… gun!” *shoots*
-Kirk and Nero’s sidekick what’shisface
“So what kind of combat training do you have?”
“Fencing.”
-Kirk and Sulu
OMG, I got it on Bluray a few days ago!
SFTDP
And while I’m on a roll, I think Nero’s sidekick is named Ayel.
“No, I DON’T want to know what you mean, because when you say that you’re usuallly talking about action.”
“Shazam.”
-Me and my friend
“You’re meant to drink Coke on the first day of summer. I drank a 1.5L bottle yesterday.”
“I can tell.”
-ilovehpb and moi
Yes, most of my friends are that crazy.
“As a child, what’s more scary than the Boogieman?”
“Uh, shots… detention…”
“Missing the chance to eat ice cream!”
-All About The Mouse
“Evapora-a-a-a-tion, Condensa-a-a-a-tion, Precipita-a-a-a-tion! The water cycle boogie goes ’round and ’round! The water cycle boogie goes up and down! *repeats* *repeats again*
-My sister, singing this really annoying Water Cycle song.
Once in second grade, our intern made up this chant while we learned about the water cycle, which I just remembered existed. Its really easy to get stuck in your head….
Evaporation.Condensation.Precipitation… Storage.Evaporation.Condensa-
*tries to unstick Water Cycle Chant*
“I had no idea werewolves ate outhouses!”-me (made sense in context)
“Yesterday, I saw a hippie buying a pink bicycle. If that doesn’t make you happy, I don’t know what will.” -my friend
“I am the stupid cow in the room.” -same friend
“I’m a Yo-Yo Ninja!” One of my friends
“I’m a reindeer ninja!” Same friend.
“If my brain were square I could fit six-inches less stuff in it”- Pseudonym
“That makes no sense.”-Bubblebabe
“That’s because my brain is square.”-Pseudonym
“What’s a carrot made of?”- random idiot who thinks Pseudonym and I are dating.
A(female): “If I was alive back then, I’d have been a noble, I’m a good smooth-talker.”
Me: “If you were alive back then they would have stoned you.”
A: “No way! They’d have made me the Pope!”
It was a lot funnier there, alas.
From Scooby-Doo and the Monster of Mexico:
Daphne: “What does El Chupacabra look like?”
People: ” A gorilla! A bear! An alien!”
Daphne: “What does El Chupacabra sound like?”
People: “Like a coyote! Like a ape!”
Some guy: “Like my Uncle Flaco!”
Daphne: “What does he smell like?”
People: “Like sulphur! Like garbage!”
Some guy: “Like my Uncle Flaco!”
“Someone spit on my music”- The tenor sax in band. I was tempted to tell him that the correct word would be spat, unless he was asking someone to spit on his music.
Actually, “spit” can be a past tense of “to spit.”
“God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs.”
-Juirassic Park
And then Dr. Satler’s next line is: “Woman inherits the Earth.”
“He was blown to baldness!”- My little sister, watching an old rerun of MythBusters.
“I reject your reality and substitute my own!” and “Am I missing…and eyebrow?!” –Adam Savage on Mythbusters
“When in doubt,…C4.” and “Pain is your friend.”–Jamie Heinemann on Mythbusters
I do love Mythbusters…*sigh*
“Your sandwich is falling.” – My friend, D.
This made sense in context.
“Enceladus could be a 43-year-old man! Named, uh…Leroy!” -my friend, and yes, she was talking about MB. (I had just recited a list of MBers who live in Massachusetts.)
“If the world blew up right now, I’d be sad.”
“You wouldn’t be sad, doofus. You’d be dead.”
“What a great loss to this Earth that would be…”
“But this Earth just blew up, remember? So you wouldn’t be a loss to this Earth if there was no Earth.”
“Now you are just being far too logical.”
-A friend and me (you can guess who said what. To me, it’s pretty obvious what I said.)
I am not 43 years old. I am not named Leroy. Your friend is wrong!
Of course, the friend could’ve been emulating the situation found in “The Duel of Dr. Hirsch,” by G.K. Chesterton. No one could have been so completely and precisely incorrect without knowing the truth. A person choosing things by chance would’ve accidentally said some correct things as well as some incorrect things. Therefore her friend could only have been so perfectly incorrect if she knew exactly who you were.
Enceladus could be anybody. He could be weird or crazy or old or…he could be a circus freak—he’s probably a circus freak!
Now you’re being ridiculous. Enceladus could be weird? Enceladus could be crazy?
Enceladus could be a circus freak?Google the second sentence, and you’ll know why I said that (if you don’t know already).
Ohhhhh, Malcolm? That is to say, about Malcolm?
Tu as raison. Je suis un MuseBlogger. Par conséquent, je suis bizarre.
Bien sur. Les personnes normaux ne vont pas a MuseBlog.
Au MuseBlog. Ou a la MuseBlog.
Ils ne vont pas à MB (la version de Enceladus est correcte si on prend le MB pour un pays
).
Could someone please tell me what’s going on?
It’s a spontaneous outbreak of French!
*wonders briefly if she could translate that, but decides against it*
Well, I knew that, but what I wanted was a translation, which you are apparently not going to give me. Phooey.
*grins evilly*
Oh fine, while I’m being so freakishly nice:
Enc:
You are right. I’m a MBer. Because of that (as a consequence thereof), I’m weird/bizarre/strange/queer.
Speller:
Of course. Normal people don’t go to MB.
(After that, there’s just a brief discussion about which proposition is best for MB, as it is neither a city nor a country nor a religion… It’s too far outside the box for mundane things such as grammar
. Considering that, I’d say à is the best.)
SOme people I know think he could be 63.
“How about you hoof it?”- my dad (meaning walk)
“Peter Pan!”
“Wow, most teenagers wouldn’t have know that.”
“Fortunately, I’m not most kids.”
-Mr. R. the science teacher (who has 45 DAYS worth of songs on his i tunes) and me during elective period. Goofing off, what fun.
MYSTERY QUOTE
“Watching innocent creatures being consumed by furniture is, after all, fun the whole family can enjoy.”
Oh! Oh! Muse!!! Um, Oct. 2009 issue!!!!!! That was a creepy issue…
I loved it. ‘Twas terribly awesome!
“How come it’s ‘The Bronx’, but not ‘The Booklyn’ or ‘The Queens’.”- All About The Mouse.
“I didn’t know you could drive a face.” -Me
“That didn’t make sense in context. There was no context for it to make in.” -Me
“Curse you stupid online joke! You have made me hate oranges!” -Me
Teacher: “Hello.”
Class: “Hello.”
Teacher (surprised at getting a response). “Umm hi everybody…”
Me: “Banana!”
Teacher: “Did you just say ‘banana’?”
*Class turns to stare at me.*
Teacher: “Well apples and oranges to you too.”
(The funny thing is, I yell “banana” and other foods several times a day. My teacher must really have not been paying attention all year to be surprised.)
“My screen’s covered in black by the energy pellet!” -My brother, playing Portal.
“Take that you dead dude!” -My stepmom, after shooting an already killed zombie in Left 4 Dead
Super Easy Mystery Quote
“You’re not a good person. You know that, right?”
Quite possibly my favorite bit of RRSSSS I’ve ever written:
What’s wrong, Bill Nye the Silence Guy? Why are you crying?
M-m-m-my brother, Bill Nye the Adolescence Guy, just got attacked by angry tweens for misinterpretation of puberty. *sniff*
How did they find him?
The author was annoyed by him. *poof*
Where’d Bill Nye the Silence Guy go?
HE WENT TO HECK FOR METAGAMING!!! MWAHAHA!
That was surprisingly simple.
Aha! *sneeze* That was only *achoo* trial ONE! *sniff* You shall now *snork* have to face MY *honk* SNEEZY WRATH! *tissue*
Mystery quotes:
“Sign pokery in they!” His English got really bad when he was upset.
If you cut your finger very deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds.
Cellophane flowers of yellow and green, towering over your head.
A) The True Meaning of Smekday
I don’t know the others.
Third is most definitely from ‘Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds” by the Beatles.
Ooh, the second one is something I read really recently too! I want to say Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland?
You are all correct.
By the way, I just read AAIW because me and my friends are making a movie of it! *is Tweedledee, some background characters, and the Foley artist*
“I don’t think bunnification causes people to have hallucinations about clarinet reeds.” Me, in my diary. It made sense in context.
I had a hallucination last week where I thought a kid drinking from a water fountain outside the window was a kangaroo. It stayed for around a minute, but I luckily didn’t make a fuss.
*shudders* I kept seeing shadows out of the corner of my eyes when in the dark while I was adjusting to my new contacts (I have hard ones, so if there is very little light/just one bright light I can see the rims). ‘Twas creepy and it explains why I hate flashlights.
“A book is a garden, an orchard, a storehouse, a party, a company by the way, a counselor, a multitude of counselors.” -Henry Ward Beecher
“She got her looks from her father. He was a plastic surgeon.” -Groucho Marx
“And the garbage truck flew off into the sunset.”- Me. it made sense in the conversation.
“Aliens are people too.” – My friend
“Jack-”
*music stops*
*ear piece isn’t on*
*finds ear piece*
“Yes.”
Classmate: “If you got money every time you did something stupid, you’d be rich!”
Me: “Why are you talking to yourself?”
“Peanut butter jelly ants!”
-Me
Me: “Hey look! I just got the first piece of the weapon that kills enemies with bad music, and guess what it is.”
My dad: “A Brittany Spears album?”
Me: “Yep!”
(I was playing Death Junior, Root of Evil as Pandora)
Member of The Masked Ones: “Thay are spays!”
Lief: “We are not spies!”
-Dragons of Deltora, book two, The Masked One
Me: “Say something stupid.”
K: “Monkey dung!”
Philippa: “If I slap Lilith deGulle, make sure I don’t do it again”
-Children of the Lamp, book two, The Blue Djinn of Babylon
Buffy quotes which should be funny out of context. (From memory, so I might miss a word here or there.)
(The students are given an egg to take care of in health class)
Xander: Teach it Christian values.
Willow: My egg’s Jewish.
Xander: Well, then teach it the dreidel song.
Spike: I was actually at Woodstock. Weird gig. I fed off a flower person and spent the next six hours watching my hand move.
Drusilla: Do you love the parts of me you can’t see?
Spike: Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet
(Willow’s nailing a cross to her wall to keep vampires out.)
Willow: Imagine the only daughter of Ira Rosenberg nailing a cross to her wall. I had to go to Xander’s house just to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas. It was worth it for the Snoopy dance.
Buffy: From whence it came? *turns to Giles* I have been spending too much time around you.
Giles: It may be that you can wrest some information from that dread machine. That was a bit, um, British, wasn’t it?
(OK, I mostly know this conversation from memory, but I’m going to copy-paste it.)
Giles: (practicing his pick-up lines to a chair) W-w-what I’m proposing is, and I don’t mean to appear indecorous, is-is, um, a-a social engagement, a-a date, if you’re amenable. (despairingly) You idiot!
Buffy: Boy, I guess we never realized how much you like that chair.
Giles: I-I was just working on …
Buffy: Your pick-up lines?
Giles: Um … in a manner of speaking, yes.
Buffy: Then if you don’t mind a little Gene and Roger, you might want to leave off the “idiot” part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood.
Xander: It actually kinda turns me on.
Buffy: (to Xander) I fear for you. (to Giles) You also might want to avoid words like “amenable” and “indecorous.” Y’know, speak English, not whatever they speak in …
Giles: England?
Buffy: Yeah. You just say, “I got a thing. You maybe have a thing. Maybe we could have a thing.”
Giles: Oh, thank you, Cyrano.
Buffy: I’m not finished. Then you say, “How d’you feel about Mexican?”
Giles: About Mexicans?
Buffy: Mexican. Food. You take her for food, for which you then pay.
Giles: Oh, right.
300th post? (I swear, I didn’t make this post just to grab it. I had an idea for a post before I knew.)
“You just want it to be further away from Christmas! Where’s your Christmas spirit?”
“I’m Jewish.”
“…Oh.”
A kid in my class and my teacher, when the kid saw that our teacher had written “12/6/09” instead of “12/16/09” by accident.
“You know, well… The marquis. Well, he seems a little bit dodgy to me.”
“Mm. He’s a little bit dodgy in the same way that rats are a little bit covered in fur.”
-Richard and…Door?, Neverwhere
“(In Spanish)Stand up if you’ve drunk a cow!”
“(also in Spanish)Stand up if you’ve been pregnant!”
-Two kids in my Spanish class. We were playing that game where one person goes in the middle and says something about themselves, and if you are that too, you switch places with people.
Mystery quote from ages ago revealed!
“If I could speak to dragons in their own language, i wouldn’t care about my accent.”
-Arren, The Farthest Shore
“This hill was the first to rise above the sea, when the First Word was spoken.”
“And it will be the last to sink, when all things are unmade.”
“Therefore a safe place to stand on.”
-Arren and Gamble, The Farthest Shore
“Do not underestimate to power of a lone sock, my young grasshoppers. Especially if it has dancing mice in tutus, dogs and cameras or any other rather embarassing motive on it.” -bookgirl_me
Sam: “So, yesterday, I saw P.J. at my church.”
P.J: “…And the best part is, I’m Jewish!”
(two of my friends)
“No one should have hair that is older than enself.”- Rebecca Lasley.
“I’m cold all over.” -S
*H kisses S*
“Now my mouth is warm” -S
H is due to come on… soon.
This was a real conversation I had on a comics site-
Me: “In the next chapter of my fan-fic, you will get some disconcerting news about Micheal Griffin.”
L* : “I should know where you should cut someone to kill them most effectively and how to kill someone quickly but painfully.”
O**: “Hopefully THAT’s not the disconcerting news about Dr. Griffin.”
* First letters of usernames are used to protect identities. This poster has a whole “crazy” persona going on and totally doesn’t mean anything he says.
** Likewise, only the first letter of his username.
“I’m the tooth fairy! I come into your bedroom at night and rip your teeth out!”
-My friend, the sadist.
“If I plant a kernel of popcorn will it hatch?” -Pseudo
(Seriously.)
“You’re an embarrassment to nature, did you know that?”
–– Ice Age (Manny to Sid)
One of my favorite quotes ever!
Oooh, hahaha!
Because Pseudo is upset that I posted that blonde-sounding quote, I shall post one of my own:
“Well, that’s because fish are, like, amphibians.”
Some quotes from the new Sherlock Holmes movie (no, I have not seen it; yes, I have seen the trailers and I want to see the movie).
“Get that out of my face.”
“It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.”
“Get what’s in your hand out of my face.”
-Watson and Holmes
“He’s killed the dog – again.”
-some lady
“I wanted to change the world, but I’ll settle for ending yours.”
-Lord Blackwood
“HOLMES!”
-Watson
“Are we in trouble?”
-Watson again
“Save your bullets, Watson.”
*Later, after Watson and Holmes have just shot a wall multiple times* “What was that about saving bullets?”
-some guy and Watson (gotta love him)
My dad: “The stupid dashboard thermometer is stuck in Celsius! How do I change it to Fahrenheit?”
Me: “Add 32.”
No no, to change from Celsius to Fahrenheit, you multiply it by 1.8 THEN add 32.
My mom says to get a rough estimate, “times 2 plus 30”
Wait, what? Is that accurate?
My dad: “Is that a bishop or a pepper grinder?’
Me: “It’s a queen.”
“We’re all mad here.” – The Ceshire Cat
You mean The Cheshire Cat.
My dad: “Ew, these strawberries have fuzz on them.”
Little sister Lenny, totally seriously: “I’ll eat them! I love strawberries that are fuzzy.”
Dad: “Okay, do you want green or white mold?”
Lenny: “Never mind.”
Mystery quote:
?: “[Something I can’t remember] cut my head out of the railings once….”
?#2: “Did you want them to?”
?: “No, I used to leave it there when I wasn’t using it for school…You can see a lot of the world from a railing.”
Ringo: “Why don’t we call the fire brigade? They cut my head out of the railings once.”
John: Did you want them to?
Ringo: No, I used to leave it there when I wasn’t using it for school… You can see a lot of the world from a railing.”
–from “Help!”; the scene in which the Beatles go to a jewelry shop to get the jeweler to cut of Ringo’s ring
Yes! (Thanks for the first couple of words.)
muselover-Yeah, my avatar is for Bohemian Rhapsody. I saw the Muppet version. It was hilarious.
I actually like the Muppet version better than the original, seeing as the original was essentially just 4 or 5 different shots of Queen lip-syncing. Although, since it was the first music video ever (true), you have to take pity on them.
It wasn’t that bad! I like the Queen song better, and the Muppet video better. (Although some of Queen’s later music videos were really good, like Radio Gaga… *goes off on long ramble*)
That’s exactly what I thought about them. Go figure!
Is that a Bohemian Rhapsody avatar, Pseudo? By the way, if you love that song, check out the Muppet version on YouTube.
162 – No, she said “Wait! I love the fuzzy ones!”
158.1- No, the correct answer is “Press the C/F button near the thermometer.”
“Sweet! I made 16 cents selling lemonade!” -My brother’s friend’s little brother, playing a lemonade-selling game on his cellphone
“16 cents! 16 cents! He made 16, 16, 16 cents! Boom chicka boom chicka boom boom boom chicka, 16 cents! *repeat unto eternity with much beatboxing*” -My brother and his friend, bursting into spontaneous rap mode in unison after hearing my brother’s friend’s little brother say the above
“Oh, my god! This is a completely epic present!”
“Really? Is it really, really long? Because that’s what epic means. It is applied to long pieces of writing such as The Odyssey. You can’t use it to describe some fuzzy socks.”
“This is the English language. It’s malleable. You can any word to say anything you want.”
“Ooglethorp wheekwheek? Kweedle!”
“Noo faggah whee. Aggi aggi baddle bah, quantle mi na niyah.”
-Me and my brother, opening Chanukah presents
Mystery Quote time!
“on a totally unrelated topic, how do you feel about things that your aunt gave you and you don’t know what they are?”
Uncle Henry: “You mean she bit you?”
Almira Gulch: “No. Her dog.”
Uncle Henry: “Oh, she bit her dog, eh?”
—The Wizard of Oz (1939 movie)
When I was six years old, I thought Uncle Henry’s rejoinder was the wittiest thing I’d ever heard.
Even as a young lad you had a fondness for humor based on grammatical ambiguities, eh?
As the twig is bent, so grows the mighty oak.
Rob: “Bucky, don’t hit Satchel!”
Bucky: “He called me a feline!”
“Why waste your time worshiping those frivolous fictional characters? You could be doing something productive, like that project your mom told me about!”- my grandma after I showed her the Salute to Symmetry Part 2 picture.
“Fictional?! Are you crazy?!”- Me. (Okay, I didn’t say that but I did think it.)
What I actually said was: “Mom’s in Texas, and she forgot our phone number, how could she tell you anything?” She then walked away, stumped, even though mom didn’t forget our phone number because she called last night.
Quote from Glee.
Will: Sue! Hey, Sue!
Sue: Oh, hey, William. I thought I smelled failure.
Easy mystery quote: “My food is problematic.”
Twilight?
Obviamente.
Oh, egad, no. *rubs eyes* That didn’t used to say Twilight.
“The socks are very excited to see you” -Daisy*Chain
When did she say that?
On the gifts thread.
I’ve been quoted!
*feels special*
*My baby cousin Padric plays with a disconnected phone*
Padric: “Ring, ring, it’s for you, Kai. From Switzerland.”
*Takes phone*
Me: “Oh, hi, Switzerland. How’s the chocolate?”
*Pause*
Me: “Yummy! How’s the cheese?”
*Pause*
Me: “Great! How are the particle accelerators?”
My brother: “Kai, you’re weird.”
I had a good one from Pseudo, but I don’t remember what it was! *anger*
DARN IT, DARN THE FUNNY GROCERY BAGS IT! I USED PSEUDO’S ACCOUNT AGAIN! *is angrier than occasion warrants*
Good thing my avatar is better than yours.
(SFTDP?)
There was the quote:
“CAUTION: Do not iron the beaver.”
Cheater! I was going to put that on the thread! *beats over head with paper bag*
My favorite Mythbusters quote ever.
“I reject your reality and substitute my own!”
Ahahaha, the computer teacher at my school has a sweatshirt that says that. I love that quote… even though I’ve never seen Mythbusters, not having cable (either).
I absolutely love that one! Another one:
“Jamie likes big boom.”
– Jamie
Isn’t it “Jamie want big boom”?
I don’t have cable so I don’t have any idea what your talking about!
I am crying right now, for I have just found George Harrison’s last words: “Love one another.” They were said to his family just as he died.
Oh, how sad!
*pats on back*
*imagines poor George dying*
“Well, yeah, I feel like a monkey, just not any more than I usually do.” -Pseudo ( again )
CAUTION: DO NOT IRON THIS BEAVER!
Thanks. You needn’t worry, I won’t iron that beaver.
Although, I was crying because I thought it was a beautifully simple thing to say, not so much that he has died.
Me: Make it stop! They’re all staring at me!
Everybody else: That’s because all the train seats are facing in your direction!
Quotes from the movie I watched last night…. Star Trek: Insurrection.
“The Son’a wish to negotiate a cease-fire. It may have to do with the fact that we only have three minutes of air left. ” –Worf
Picard: Mr. Worf, do you know Gilbert and Sullivan?
Worf: No sir, I have not had a chance to meet all the new crew members since I have been back.
Picard: Don’t panic!
Anij: I’ve been shot at, thrown into the lake out of a ship that’s come to abduct us – what’s there to panic about?
((They’re on a planet that’s basically the land of youth–all the crew keeps getting younger.))
Troi: Have you noticed how your boobs have firmed up?
))
Dr. Crusher: Not that we care about that in this day and age.
Troi: Uh huh.
Dr. Crusher: *notices Data, who’s just brought them a something-or-other* Thank you, Data.
Data: *walks over to Worf*
Worf: I’ve an odd craving for the blood of a live Kolar beast.
Data: And have you noticed how your boobs have firmed up? Not that we care about tha–
Worf: *makes hilarious face*
((How did he keep a straight face?
“You’re like a graham cracker.” –Me, to a classmate
“You’re like a graham cracker.†– vanillabean3.141 (Ingrid and Siriana)
Uh. TC… that’s… rather pointless.And you double posted.
But who am I to talk?!
*has been looking at old posts*
I was such a jerk back then, wasn’t I. -_-
“Woah! I’m in SC, using my friend’s pc, which uses IE, and all the avatars are cut off at the top! Creepy! *pies* hehe yeah!”
-Me, from when I first started here. -_-
“I will take the Ring,” he said,
“though I do not know the way.”
Elrond raised his eyes and looked at him………
“This is the hour of the Shire-folk, when they arise
from their quiet fields,
to shake the towers and counsels of the Great.
Who of all the Wise could have foreseen it?”
-Elrond
This happened in 7th grade-
Teacher: “What brings us together?”
Me: “Celebrations.”
Teacher: “Of course. When you bump into some big guy on the street, he goes ‘Do that again, buddy, and I’ll knock off your bleeping head!’. But if the Yankees win the World Series, he’ll hug you and cry.”
“There are 10 kinds of people in the world — those who understand trinary, those who don’t understand trinary, and those who mistake it for binary.”
–Anonymous
“When you grow up, your heart dies.”
–Well, who here knows this? Anyone?
“Those [bleepers] took my sunscreen! Sunscreen! And this guy strapped a bomb to his leg and made it through security!”
– My History teacher complaining about the airline industry
“My name is L, and I have two cats.”
“My name is J, and I have one cat.”
“My name is K, and I have no cats.”
“My name is S, and I’m allergic to cats.” <– That was me
– Our Quiz Bowl introduction of ourselves
"So, Samantha, when I was YOUR AGE…"
(When I don't know something like Y2K or Columbine) "Of course she wouldn't know, she's, like, three."
"You're so cute and naive!"
– Many of my friends (I'm the pet of my friends)
Some amusing mystery quotes–all are on the same thread, and written by the same person.
Which thread are they on, and who wrote them?
.
.
Who knew broccoli could be so heavy?
Molasses has been enjoying sitting on the deck.
“A lump on your head the size of a walnut.”
Larry has fallen in love with a jazz record.
Cerulean Pyros, all on the Ship’s logs part 13 thread. There was a thread for guessing MBers quotes called fetch (which died).
You are correct bookgirl_me, congratulations.
Q. “What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?”
A. “Dam”
– A friend in school
Just so you know, there’s a Jokes and Riddles thread. https://musefanpage.com/blog/?p=1635
I know but that is a quote because my friend said it to me and I put quotation marks around it.
” ‘Good, you made it just in time.’
‘Just in time for what?’
‘Just in time for me to laser your booty!’ ”
-My brother. Yes, he made this up himself.
My brother: “How did it go?”
Me: “You said it!”
Me: “How are you?”
My stepmom’s friend: “Good, how are you?”
Me: “Uhhh… Is this a trick question?”
Me: “Why were you absent so long?”
Person sitting next to me in math class: “I got pneumonia. I almost died, but the doctor saved me.”
Me: “That sucks.”
Person sitting next to me in math class: “Yeah. I was just like, come on, let me die already!”
Me: “Oh. It’s that stupid pinball bossfight with the fat clown dude.”
D: “You are going to Disneyworld, AND YOU ARE GOING TO LIKE IT!”
Me: “Disneyworld SUCKS!”
Mystery Quote: “You’re gonna roll in heather till your underpants are DEAD?!?”
A comic I would draw if I could draw anime-
(Three new Sailor Scouts rush in)
First Scout: “Sailor Fromalhaut b here!”
Second Scout: “Sailor CoRoT-7 on the job!”
Third Scout: “Sailor Gliese 876 d reporting for duty!”
(Sailor Moon sighs)
Sailor Moon: “Things were so much easier before exoplanets…”
Ha. Next time I need to know anything about space, I’ll ask you…
Win! Epic win!
“Problems solved through science, detective work, and liberal application of action.”- Me, on SVC Chat.
“He likes Doctor Who. Therefore he’s- a kitty!”
I was going to say “He’s awesome” but I saw one of my cats…
“We are looking for misshapen pastas. We will recycle them if necessary.” – Enceladus
“The latest new dance craze is called, “The Politician.” It’s two steps forward, one step backward, and then a sidestep.” – Anonymous
And on a totally different note….
“Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.” – Harry S. Truman
“See, the world would be a scary place if my dreams came true. We’d all end up laying floor at Ringo Starr’s house!” –my friend
“You’re a pretty peacock!” –same friend
“We’re……Massachusetts…..hippies….” –same friend, at approximately 2 in the morning. When asked if she was okay, she screamed “NO!” and immediately went back to sleep.
“Michale Jackson died tomorrow!” –my other friend
SFTDP– Michale Jackson… *headesk* Michael Jackson, I mean.
Massachusetts hippies! Funniest thing EVER!!!
Some Boondocks fun:
“Here, Huey! I know you’ve been feeling down, so I bought you this card!”
“Oh, Jazmine, you shouldn’t…
…have.”
“Isn’t it pretty?”
I’m going to be physically ill…
“I HATE APOLOGIZING!!!”
“Hello, Mr. Elder, I’m-”
“Please. Call me ‘The Sage of South Central’.”
*pause*
“OK, I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that stupid %&$@ and start over…”
“Now, then… it says here that you were the judge on a show called ‘Moral Court’?”
“Yes.”
“Are you now, or have you ever been, a judge, Mr. Elder?”
“No.”
“Mr. Elder, what’s so ‘moral’ about pretending to be a judge when you’re not a judge?”
“Do you understand?”
“I do now… you’re a grown man who still believes in Santa Claus. Scary.”
“Now that is not what I said and you know it!“
“Great. Now people will say John Glenn was replaced by a shapeshifting Martian.” -NoCleverName.
“Wait, don’t people *routinely* plot to kill Peter Diamandis?” -BZWingZero.
Mystery quote:
“Did I ask for an existential elevator?”
You’re on MB. That is not mysterious at all.
“When my family first got the Internet, I had just gotten a new video game and I wanted cheat codes, so I typed in ‘nentindo’. I didn’t get any results.”- BZWingZero.
“This insolent carp must die, by drowning!”
-Channuka movie I don’t remember the title of
Mystery quote (not so mysterious to fans of the book):
HELLO. HOW ARE YOU? I AM FINE. WHAT IS YOUR NAME? MY NAME IS JERRY.
“The fail-plane is coming for Jonas…” –me, while reading The Giver in class
“Good news. I figured what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.”
“Look: we’re both stuck in this place. I’ll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and one half will be where you live, and I’ll live in the other half. We won’t have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don’t feel like it.”
“Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said “Goodbye” and you were like “No way!” And then I was all “We pretended we were going to murder you?” That was great!”
“Where are we going? Are you coming back? What’s that noise? Is that a gun? Do you smell something burning? Ooooohh… what’s in heeeere?”
“When I said deadly neurotoxin, the deadly was in massive sarcasm quotes. I could take a bath in this stuff. Put in on cereal, rub it right into my eyes… honestly, it’s not deadly at all… to me. You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness… a lot less funny. ”
“The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance: the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it.”
“Time out for a second. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It’s not the surprise. I’ve never seen it before! Never mind. It’s a mystery I’ll solve later… by myself, because you’ll be dead. ”
~Quotes from Portal, the best cake-oriented game ever.