This group project started on the “Partial Scripts” thread and quickly became popular enough to warrant a thread of its own.
Patience, Please
This site is under reconstruction and will look strange for a while. We regret the inconvenience.
“The Embi Family” (Round-Robin Scripting) – Part 1
This entry was posted in Experiments, Nonrandom Craziness, RRRs, RPWs, and RPGs. Bookmark the permalink.
((As I have already been written in (Thank you f+h and Witchneko!) can I write a scene?))
Yeah, sure!
Or you can continue any of the previously-written scenes.
First post; here’s what we’ve got so far; for people who don’t feel like reading Partial Scripts.
-Last name is Embi.
-The house is both huge and called something like The Oasis, and it could be on top of the same trans-dimensional/multi-universal . . . thingy . . . that the H&H is on.
-And so all of the housework and cooking and so on could be done by wungs, which probably wouldn’t exist anywhere else. And there would be HPBs, of course. And fleets of giant space squid.
-One of the universes that is accessible via The Oasis is the universe containing Muse Academy, so the Embis could go there, and the rest of their universe would think they were homeschooled.
-The GAPAs are caretakers; and exactly how we’re all related? Best not to wonder.
-The Embi family lives at The Woven Beyond, at 42 Muserly Lane. Museica, Illinois.
SCENE
WN: Eeenc, I want my superhero gameshows! *stamps*
RQ: *walks into the room* I know! Enc’s holding a monopoly on the TV. Doctor Who or Star Trek marathon, I wasn’t watching. And he won’t let me watch Death Note…
WN: *stares* Aaand any of those are about what, exactly?
RQ: *stares back* You don’t know what Death Note is.
WN: Well, no. I just know about as much as you can know without ever reading anything about it.
RQ: BLASPHEMY! *dramatic finger-point*
MBer: *runs into the room* Waitaminute. Did I hear the words ‘Star Trek’, “Doctor Whoâ€, and ‘about what’ in the same sentence? I hope I’m hearing things.
WN: *raises hand* Um…that was me. I don’t watch either.
MBer: *dramatic gasp* BLASPHEMY!
WN: I’m going in and changing the channel.
(She goes in, and discovers AM, Luna, Alice, POSOC, ebeth, Keiffer, Pseudonym, fireandhemlock, and anyone I might have forgotten, and Enc crowded around the television, watching Bad Wolf/ Parting Of The Ways (Doctor Who episodes) )
F+H: You watch Doctor Who, Witchneko?
WN: No, I want to watch my shows.
Enc: NOES. We are watching Doctor Who!
WN: You’ve been watching for…. *checks iPod* 36 hours straight!
Enc: Not straight- I went to the bathroom once during a scene in Blink that I memorized.
WN: *facepalm*
Luna: Shush, I can’t hear JB’s smexy smexy voice.
Enc: (Whispering) Sorry!
WN: *facepalms again* O. M. G. You guys are obsessed.
F+H. It’s a crime not to be!
Luna: SHUSH!
(all fall quiet)
Kai: Hey, guys, Apollo 13’s gonna be on in half-
(Kai looks at everyone.)
Kai: Oohhkay, never mind… what’s on?
SCENE
(Various MBers are sitting around in the kitchen. F+H stomps incarrying a wet and bedraggled kitten.)
F+H: Why was Mittens up on the roof, covered in whipped cream?
Luna: Why were you on the roof?
F+H: I was looking for Mittens with Enc!
Luna: And why did you think Mittens would be on the roof?
Enc: Because she wasn’t anywhere else!
Randomosity: She might have run away.
Enc: But she didn’t!
Luna: But WHAT in the WORLD were you thinking, going up on the ROOF?
Robert: (walks in) Who was on the roof?
F+H: Enc and I were. But Luna, whoever put Mittens up there was on the roof first.
Luna: And how did you get up on the roof anyway?
Robert: They probably used the attic stairs.
Luna: You’re supposed to be scolding them about the danger!
Robert: I am? (looks surprised)
WN: *walks out from behind a chair, looking irritable* I can’t find Cake or Somewhere, okay, Fireh? I needed my kitty fix.
f+h: That sounds strangely wrong. ANYWAY, two things: how did you get Mittens onto the roof, and how the cake were you hiding behind that chair anyway?
Randomosity: And what sort of person names their cat Cake anyway?
WN: A hungry one? And besides, Mitten’s partially mine anyways.
Luna: That’s not an answer to the question!
Enc: Besides, you still didn’t-
(Witchneko WIBBLES)
Enc: *defeated sigh* Fine. Come on, Luna, we’ve got four more hours to go on the marathon.
(Luna and Enc EXIT DOWNSTAIRS)
f+h: YOU STOLE MY KITTY.
WN: She’s MY kitty too!
(The two promptly get into a fight over who’s kitty Mittens is.)
Randomosity: *turns to Robert* Weren’t you going to install a trap door on the roof, and how’s it possible for her to have hidden behind that chair?
Robest: *apologetic sigh* I was, but then a cat fell asleep on the square I was using. Come to think of it…
Randomosity: No. Answer the second question.
Robert: She was kneeling, and the chair has a blanket on it. *walks away, presumably going to fix the trap door*
Randomosity: *looks to the two girls* Hmmm, I wonder…it was probably Witch’s kitty, but whatever.
(Randomosity LEAVES DOWNSTAIRS)
F+H: Neko, I thought we came to an agreement that Mittens, Nobody, and Silver belong to Enc and I, and Cake, Somewhere, and all kittehz that are not claimed by people, belong to you? And Cake’s Somewhere, I’m sure. You’ll find here. (laughs at joke)
WN: That was a reeeeally bad pun, Fireh. What the- CAKE! (spots kitten curled up on top of refrigerator, smudged with something white) How’d she get there? How am I supposed to get her down?!?
F+H: Try using the step-stool.
WN: ….oh yeah.
F+H: (laughs) That might help. I’m going back to the marathon. Good luck finding Somewhere!
(F+H EXITS DOWNSTAIRS, following ENC and LUNA.)
SCENE
(MBer-1 and MBer-2 are sitting at a table, having a game of chess.)
MBer-1: Knight to E5.
MBer-2: *stares into space*
MBer-1: Hello? Your move?
MBer-2: *after a very long while* What? Oh, sorry, didn’t see you move. Hmm…Bishop to C6.
MBer-1: *gets up and leaves the table*
MBer-2: Hey, where are you going?
-the next day-
MBer-2: *sits down* Where’s MBer-1? It’s ens move.
Robert: I don’t know. I’ll go look around. *looks around in kitchen* MBer-1! It’s your move in the chess game with MBer-2! Remember?
MBer-1: Right, sorry, I forgot about this game! Ha, I haven’t played it in a while.
Can I be one of the chess-playing MBers (and generally in the script too)?
Of course. Just figure out who the other one would be, and take that scene and add more onto it.
MEMEMEMEME!
AHem. I mean, I would enjoy being in this fine play with you young men and young ladies…
You can play chess?
I used to me on chess team. It’s an alternate life.
Wow. I am winking a lot. Or, i could just be here in general, haven’t played since I was 6… And be Max fantic…
Pie Girl: AHHHHHHHHHH! THE ERASERS!*pies*
MBer: Erasers? As in, rubber things?
Pie Girl: Nope. As in, lupine men hybrids.
MBer: HPB human hybrids? AHHHHHHHHHHH! ERASERS! *pies*
Pie girl: En’ll never relize that lupine is wolf. * shakes head* Oh well. AHHHHHHHHHH! THE ERASERS!*pies*
On the the Partial Scripts Thread, there’s also a trailer. Fireh made it, except for the Girl Scout Scene which had already been written. Anyway, if we’re going to put here all the things that have already been written, for those who don’t want to read the other thread, we might as well include this.
V.O.: In a small town in Illinois…
[close up of sign that says “Museica, Illinois- 3 mi.”]
V.O.: In a house often called The Woven Beyond…..
[the Embi house, as seen from the street]
V.O.: There is a family.
[shot of several Embis crowded around a television, arguing about something while Star Trek plays on the screen]
V.O.: The Embi family.
[shot of the Embi house again from the street. Girl Scout walks up to the door and rings the doorbell.]
GIRL SCOUT: Hello?
[door is opened by Enc and another MBer.]
MBER: Yes?
GIRL SCOUT: Hi! Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?
MBER: [interested stare] Are they made with real Girl Scouts?
GIRL SCOUT: Umm… Never mind.
MBER: It hate it when things advertise falsely, don’t you? I mean, we only get Shepherd’s Pie made with real shepherds. Nothing fake in our house! Everything is real! Even the needles on our Christmas trees can be used for sewing! Hey, where’d she go?
GIRL SCOUT: [runs away screaming]
MBER: Even the needles on our Christmas trees can be used for sewing! Hey, where’d she go?
MBER: What a shame. I bet the cookies were made out of Boy Scouts instead. Shame on you, Girl Scouts, shame on you for trying to pass off the cookies as something that they weren’t!
ENCELADUS: Again? Man, nothing is real in America anymore. Sugar made of corn, Flamingos made of plastic… Heck, everything’s made of plastic! Even boo-
MBER: [hurriedly] Yes, Enceladus, I get the point.
ENCELADUS: … I was going to say Boondoggle.
[Scene flashes to the Embi family having a pie war. Pie and cream and crusts are flying everywhere. Close-ups of various cream-covered MBers, grinning as they aim their pies.]
V.O.: Chaos.
[a pie flies right in front of the camera lens]
V.O.: Insanity.
[a pie hits the lens. The screen is filled with dripping cream and light brown pie-crust.]
V.O.: The strangest, most flamablamablous, and funniest family in the history of the world.
[back to pie war scene]
MBER: WHY WAS THAT PIE FILLED WITH TOOTHPASTE?
[screen blacks out]
V.O.: The Embi family, coming soon to theaters near you.
I just copied the trailer to Microsoft and inserted some pictures. Hehe.
I added onto the trailer in the past day or so… the way it is, it’s a bit too short. The Girl Scout scene is still the beginning, and the pie war scene the end, but there’s more in between.
I might post it later.
Post I want to read it!
((Couldn’t this be called Round-Robin ‘Righting? (As in “playwright”?)))
((Clever!))
Nice.
((-2 Should wungs really be put to such drudgery? They are our friends, aren’t they? And I thought it was decided on the Blog Siblings thread that the GAPAs are the distant aunts and uncles of MBers.))
((Is it allowed for me to be able to talk to cats? Maybe I could have been taught the multilingual wungs?))
((You’d have to have some sort of lingo-spot, or have a wung translate.))
((Uh, OK…))
((Ooh, can I be in here? I’d probably be in the room with the marathon. Maybe wandering in and out and back in.))
((May I be in here too? I’d probably be sitting somewhere, drawing, reading, or writing poetry.))
((ooh, pleasepleasepleaseplease can I be in here?))
((Yes, I want to be in here too. I’d be wherever there was Star Trek and a chance for me to fangirl. Or throw pies. Or both.
))
(During an ad break during the marathon)
ENC: The worst pies in London! I know why nobody cares to take them! I should know! I make them! But good? No.
WITCHY: We’re in Museica. In Illinois.
ENC: Hey, creative licence. And I’m not talking about here. There are great pies.
WITCHY: Want one?
ENC: Yes! (is pied WITCHY) Yum!
SUDO: (Bursts in) Hey, not pieing my twin! (Pies Witchy)
(Everything descends into enormous pie war.)
F+H: Hey, the show’s back!
ENC (And possibly SUDO?) dash back.
WN: *suddenly realizes what Enc was singing* Oh, that’s just not fair.
Sudo: *shoots her a ‘I’m-watching-you’ look*
(Witchneko WIBBLES. Sudo LEAVES THE ROOM. LBK ENTERS.)
LBK: Why’re you wibbling?
WN: Sudo shot me a ‘I’m-watching-you’ look. It wasn’t faaaaair!
LBK: …I’m just gonna go now.
(LBK LEAVES THE ROOM. Witchneko WHIMPERS PATHETICALLY.)
(Speller and Luna ENTER THE ROOM, CHASING AFTER EACH OTHER.)
WN: Hey, guys-
Speller: Best of three!
Luna: You’re on!
WN: GUYS THE SHOW IS BACK ON.
(Spelluna RUSH OUT OF THE ROOM, SAYING A HASTY GOODBYE.)
WN: Now I’ve got to go liberate the neighbor’s bunny…life sucks.
(Witchneko RUSHES OUT OF THE ROOM.)
Feel free to put me in the script any time you want.
Same goes for me.
Me too!
Me three!
Me four!
GUYS; write yourselves in! Continue a previous script and put yourself in.
((If I could be in the play, that would be fun. And I have only seen one episode of DW-Vampires of Venice and I didn’t like it.))
I’d love to be in it as well (pretty please?)…it’s really quite fabulous so far!
I found the Girl Scouts scene particularly amusing, seeing as I’m a Girl Scout myself.
(Everyone is currently involved in yet another pie war. They are becoming far too familiar at 42 Muserly Lane.)
ENC: Yaarrgh!!! I’ll get you for that, Sudo, I really will!!!!! *leaps over kitchen counter and chases Sudo out of the room*
WN: Hey, where are you going? I thought you were going to help me make my pie-throwing machine? *grumbles to self* Errata! Hey, ERRATA!!! Can you help me build this pie-throwing machine? (They crouch underneath the counter and attempt to build one.)
(SilverLeopard is attempting to actually bake a pie. For eating. Meanwhile, pies are flying around in the background, people are running around screaming, etc. etc.)
SL: *hums happily to herself, oblivious to everything going on as she mixes the filling for a pie* What a nice day…
oxlin: *grabs the bowl from SilverLeopard and dumps it on Selenium’s head*
SL: *indignantly* That’s my pie!
oxlin: *is running out of the room* Sorry! I’ll – I owe you one, okay? I’m just a bit busy right – AARRGH!!! *is hit in the face with a pie*
-The doorbell rings. Everyone freezes.-
Selenium: *walks over to the door* *opens it cautiously*
(A postman is standing there with a bag of mail.)
Selenium: Yes, may I help you? *is still covered in pie filling and is holding two pies in each hand; behind her, the fighting has resumed*
Postman: *looks confused* Er…I’m here to deliver the mail. It’s for Mr. Robert Coontz, but since he’s obviously not home…*glances inside the house and shudders*
Selenium: *cheerfully* Actually, he is home. *shouting echoes through the house* Um, that might have been him, actually. I’ll go and get him. *sticks her head back inside the house* Oi, ROBERT!!!!
(Robert walks over to the front door. The postman groans when he sees that Robert is also covered in bits of pie crust and filling. Raspberry, by the looks of it. His glasses are covered in whipped cream.)
Postman: *sympathetically* Bad morning?
Robert: *looking surprised* Pretty good, actually. It’s been great – most of the kids have been awake for 36 hours straight and surviving on whipped cream and chocolate frosting…that reminds me, I must remember to do the shopping today. *frowns* What was it I need to buy again? *thinks* Ten kilograms of thumbtacks, was it? That sounds right…Perhaps I could get it – Er, why is our Cake sitting on top of the fridge again?
(By now, the postman is looking thoroughly scared. He shoves the mail into Robert’s hands and runs away screaming, not slowing down until he is five blocks away.)
That’s brilliant. Especially the “bad morning” part.
Yes, I loved that. Oh, nothing, we’ve just been awake for 36 hours straight…
BRILLIANT. *loves*
Thou art a comedic prodigy.
Thanks, everyone!
I like so far. *may help later* By the way, I’d love to be in this. You should put in some Luna and I being crazy scenes. *is remembering the math camp staff parody for some reason* Maybe a Spelluna thing?
I may help on this later. Or not. I just need to think of an idea…
I love this. I think I’ll add to the madness, if that’s okay.
(On his way out, the mailman is promptly knocked to the ground by two girls, both wearing night vision goggles and carrying large black blaster guns. They run up the whipped cream splattered path and burst through the door into the living room, where the pie battle is still raging between the couch and on top of the counter. )
KOKONILLY: ROBERRRRRRRRRRRRT! Look what we caught!
(The girl next to her produces a small carmine pink rabbit from her knapsack and holds it triumphantly above her head.)
ROBERT: Oh, no. Did you kidnap the neighbor’s bunny again?
AGGIE (petting the rabbit in her arms): I’m telling you, it’s evil. They’re trying to overthrow the government using nothing but carrot pulp and battle axes.
KOKONILLY: ZVX is never going to believe this.
Pie Girl: *walks into room of pie coverd MBers* Well, Max, Guys, DIG IN!
Tesseract: I thought Max was a figment of James Patterson’s imagination.
Max: *is noming pie.* Who YOU callin’ a figment of imagination.
Total: Gosh, this pie is good.
Fang & Iggy: It would be better with bacon.
LBK * Enters* What the CAKE is going on here? IT can’t be real…* sways* *faints*
Beetle the bard: * pops out of Nudge costume.* We good em’ Pie Girl. *high fives.*
Max: Okay… if your here then where’s Nudge…
Pie girl: Huh? Wait, WHAT? * is confused.*
Flock: *Runs to mall*
LBK: Guys? Where’d they go??
You don’t have to use this. But it’s so dang funny! And this Kitteh is so dang cute… ^>o.o<^ Mew…
Yeah, I’m sorry; but we’re trying to keep this close to realistic!muser!reality. Bringing in characters from…whatever…isn’t going to work.
Yours is more sketch comedy, what we’re trying to do is more…anime-style, for lack of a better word.
*laughs* realistic!muser? I love it when people do things like that… Simm!Master, Tennant!Doctor, New!Kirk, Water!Fountain…
I’ve never seen Tennant!Doctor, lol. Fanfic I’ve ever come across jsut refers to him as “Ten”. Cuz he’s the tenth Doctor. I usually just see the word before the exclamation as a descriptor of some form. Not the name of the particular individual playing en. *shrug* But, whatevs.
… Psychic!Ghost!Christa McAuliffe.
DANG! CURSE YOU TIREDNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry. That was just something I thought of. And also, I didn’t se your post for a lonnng time.
Maybe the next will be… better. To be kind to myself.
AGRRFISHI: ( enters from right) Oohh! Pie war! I’ll go get my pie stash.
TESSERACT: (sits on couch) Ooo, look! A Muse magazine! * is trampled by everyone in room.
Pie Girl: Well, I just go into my Muse Mag stash then..
LBK: A MUSE STASH!?
Pie Girl: * Glares*
Everyone: * stampedes into Pie Girl’s room.*
LBK: I said that too loud, didn’t I?
Pie girl: Aww man…. * glares daggers at LBK*
LBK: *looks innocent* Bye, all! I’ve got to brush my demonic cat!
Aggie: Can you take this rabbit?
LBK: N-
Aggie: *shoves rabbit into LBK’s hands* *walks away*
LBK: *glowers after Aggie* I’ll get you for this, Aggie. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday…you’ll be sleeping with the bunnies.
WN: *runs in, grabs the bunny, and coos as she strokes it* Whosa cute widdle bunny? You are! You’re a bunny!
LBK: And my problem is suddenly solved. *stares*
Pie Girl: STAY OUT OF THE ROOM!
Oxlin: Ooo.. A Maximum Ride shrine…
Pie Girl: * throws Pies* PLEASE!
Enc: I’ve got them! * everyone follows ENC to living room.*
Pie girl: At least those are the fakes…
Beetle: WHAT???
Pie Girl: *Blocks door and locks door.* Now, to worship the flock…
Er, I don’t know anything about Maximum Ride. Change that to someone who does.
It has a sign, and it’s says WORSHIP THE BIRD KIDS THIS IS A MAXIMUM RUDE SHRINE! so you’re really just reading it. Sorry.
Maximum RUDE? No, that’s Mr. Joe.
*giggles* Nice, Kai.
Whoops… *snicker, snicker*
Ah gotcha!
AGGIE: Oh well. (shrugs)
(She walks away through the impending madness, up the winding staircase and down the left hall of the second floor. She opens the first door on her right, and enters a gigantic music hall, complete with a stage and two rows of plush red theater seats. Inside is a group of kids playing various instruments, including a didgeridoo and a sitar.)
GRADSTER: Hey, Aggie. How did the hunt fare?
AGGIE: We caught the offender, and now he’s safely in Muser clutches. (She happily takes the stage, picking up a conductor’s wand and tapping it on the nearest music stand.) Holst, please!
(The musicians begin a dramatic and lively version of Gustav Holst’s ‘Mars, The Bringer Of War’ which flows out the door and circulates through the entire house.)
(Tesseract has a pile of muses, hiding from the rampage going on elsewhere in the house. Kai comes in, wiping banana cream of her hair.)
KAI: Ooh, muses? Mind if I pick up one?
TESSERACT: (not looking up) Do you have rubber gloves on? Are you in a hazmat suit?
KAI: No…
TESS: No! These are my muses, they shall live forever! FOREVER!
KAI: Eventually they’ll decay….
TESS: No! I keep them in a vaccum.
KAI: Oh. It can’t be perfect…
TESS: IT IS. IT MUST BE. NOW GO AWAY BEFORE YOU RUIN MY MUSES.
KAI: (Runs out, and is promptly hit with a pie)
…Because I definitely don’t have 72 issues of Muse in chronological order in my room right now. ^^
Looks like I’m psychic…
Whoops, sorry, Tess.
((Can I have a cat too?))
((Yeah, sure!))
((Can I, too? I want to name it Schrödinger.))
((Yeah, you can have a cat too.))
This scene takes place when the Embis first move in. Their neighbours, being the friendly, welcoming type, invite them over for dinner one night. This is the disaster that follows.
(Robert and Rebecca are standing outside the neighbours’ front door. None of the kids are in sight. They press the doorbell, and almost right away the door is opened by a nice-looking lady and her husband, hereafter referred to as Mrs. and Mr.)
MRS: Good evening! Welcome, Mr. and Mrs….*waits expectantly for them to fill in with their last name*
ROBERT: Oh, we’re not married, actually. We just…um…happen to live together.
REBECCA: *nods* Entirely by coincidence, it would seem.
MRS: *looks confused, but continues anyway* Well, you’d better come on in. Dinner’s nearly ready.
ROBERT: We brought the kids as well – I hope you don’t mind?
MR: *absentmindedly* Not at all, not at all…kids…yes, that’s quite all right.
MRS: Fine by me.
(All of the Embi kids, who have been hiding in various places around the front yard – some have even climbed trees – jump out, all at the same time, and yell ‘HIYA, NEIGHBOURS!’
MR: Erm…how many kids do you have, exactly?
REBECCA: We’re not sure, actually. They come and go as they like, so it all depends, really…
MRS: *looking as if she thoroughly regrets inviting them in the first place* Well, er….why don’t you kids all come on in? I’m not sure if there’s enough food, actually…we weren’t expecting this many.
ROBERT: I’m sure that will be fine. I think the kids brought their own food, actually. *mutters* I’m not entirely sure it will be used for eating, though…
MR: I’m sorry, what’s that you said?
ROBERT: *smiles brightly* Oh, nothing. I was just saying how lovely your…er…wild dandelions look.
(Rebecca gives him a Look, as if to say: Wild dandelions? Is that the best story you could come up with?)
MRS: Well, do come in, all of you.
(She leads the way into the house. The Embis follow.)
MRS: Well, this is the living room, and here’s the dining room…
(Food is laid out on the table, but clearly could only feed at most six people.)
MR: *clears throat* It might not be enough, but I hear you brought your own food?
ENC: *grins* So we did!
(All the kids produce their own pies and yell ‘TA-DA!!!!!’)
MRS: *continuing the tour* Now, this is our pet bunny Sniffles – he’s allergic to carrots, lettuce, cauliflower, spinach, celery…
FIREH: So what do you feed him?
MR: *conversationally* Oh, raw meat, mostly…you know, beef, pork, venison…He seems to have developed a liking for human flesh though…*looks sadly down at his finger, which has noticeable bite marks around it* But other than that, he’s perfectly harmless, of course.
(He steps away from the cage, and, no longer throwing a shadow over the bunny, it is very evident that the rabbit is of a light pink hue. Several MBers gasp.)
Several MBers: PERFECTLY HARMLESS????
WN (whispering to Aggie): We have got to do something about that HPB!
AGGIE: Yes, luckily I brought my handy rabbiting net.
SELENIUM: And I brought HPB-spray!
(They giggle evilly and creep into the dining room, already planning their diversion for later on that evening.)
*Whew! Long post! Feel free to add on to this scene, everyone. I hope you liked it!*
MR: So what are your kid’s names?
ROBERT: Hang on, who all’s here…. Rebecca, help me out here.
REBECCA: Well, here at the moment, I think, are Aggie, Enc, F+H, Witchy, Selenium, Randomosity… (looking around the room)
ROBERT: Luna’s at work because there was an emergency at the vet’s. I think an outbreak of bunnification among local cats and dogs?
REBECCA: Well, yes. (still looking around room) Tesseract, Kai, Pie Girl, LBK, Silver Lining, Maths Lover…. PUT THE PIES DOWN!
(several of the children automatically look guilty)
MRS: Are they adopted?
ROBERT: Erm, no.
MR: (grasping at words) I can see a definite… resemblance.
ROBERT: Not really.
MRS: Who are the rest of your… delightful… children? (looks at the whispering and giggling children nervously)
REBECCA: Oxlin, cromwell, Mikazuki, Beedle, Speller, Bookgirl, Bibliophile, SilverLeopard, Starr, Swat, Fishy…
ROBERT: The others aren’t here, apparently. (turns and yells over to the kids) Did Piggy fix his organ yet?
MRS: Organ?
ROBERT: Yes, the poor boy’s been trying to fix it for weeks now.
MR: I, ah, assume you mean organ as in the instrument?
F+H: No, it’s his liver.
(MR and MRS look shocked)
ENC: Wasn’t it his kidney?
NEKO: I’m sure it was his bladder.
KAI: Neko, remember, we’re guests at the dinner table.
NEKO: What?
STARR: I think it was his heart.
F+H: No, he didn’t have a heart attack, that was the cat that died because somebody stuffed it in the freezer.
NEKO: …is that what happened to Somewhere?
PIE GIRL: No, I was trying to give Somewhere a bath but accidentally flushed her. I mean….
NEKO: (attacks pie girl with her pie)
ROBERT: Children!
(all the kids promptly quiet down, returning to whispers and giggles.)
MRS: Such…. well-behaved…. children.
REBECCA: (proudly) Yes, we’ve trained them well. Where were we… oh yes, Piggy isn’t here because his organ isn’t working. It’s quite the antique, over forty years old, you know.
ROBERT: And Luna’s at work.
REBECCA: Yes, yes… who else isn’t here?
ROBERT: I’m not sure. (looks perplexed)
MRS: How many children did you say you had, again?
ROBERT: Sometimes we’ve got several hundred in the house, and sometimes we’ve only got around fifty. It depends, really.
REBECCA: Luna’s packed for college, hasn’t she?
KAI: No, and neither have any of the others.
ROBERT: Is that why axa and ebeth stayed at home?
KAI: Probably. I’m not sure.
REBECCA: And Midnight Fiddler’s off sailing.
MR: They’re not adopted, then?
ROBERT: No.
MRS: But you’re not married?
REBECCA: No, indeed!
AGGIE: They’re our aunt and uncle. Probably. They’re from different sides of our families, see? Some of us are related to Rebecca, and some of us are related to Robert, and some of us are related to both.
MR: So how did you become the caretakers of all these children?
REBECCA: Their parents were kidnapped.
MRS: Kidnapped? (looks shocked)
ROBERT: By the hot-pink-bunnies. So they can practice their torturing technique for when they invade.
MR: Torture?
REBECCA: Funny how everyone focuses on the part about torture and completely misses the fact that the Bunny Apocalypse is near.
*cracks up laughing*
((I’m not there?))
FantasyFan: *lurks* *lurks* *lurks some more*
(MR, nervously looking at the numerous pies, goes to get a protective raincoat form the closet)
MR: W-what…is this?
((SFTDP. I accidently clicked comment))
FF: Nothing. I’m just napping.
ROBERT: Standing in the closet?
FF: Well, it was comfortable.
Love.
((My tom cat’s name is Grimmd.))
R101: Wait, Pie Girl. If you flushed Somewhere, why did I see her playing with Grimmd just before we came here?.
NEKO: Somewhere was playing with Grimmd?!
R101: Relax. He had his claws sheathed.
ROBERT *looks at pie Randomosity 101 has hidden behind her back* (suspicious) Randomosity, what’s that in your pie?
R101: (puts on face calculated to look like “trying and failing at innocence” and makes her really look like she’s plotting) Pumpkin?
ROBERT: Randomosity101! Did you put depigmentiser darts in your pie again?
R101: Not this time.
MRS: Depigmentiser darts?
R101: Darts designed to neutralise evil Hot-Pink Bunnies. (quickly glances at tooth marks in Mr’s finger) Anyway, those are in my pocket this time.
ROBERT: So what is in the pie?
R101: Pumpkin.
REBECA: Pie Girl, Tesseract, put those down!
(Pie Girl and Tesseract once again relinquish pie throwing)
REBECCA: (looking startled) Aggie, why in the world did you bring that? Put it away this instant!
(Aggie stuffs net into pocket)
ROBERT: (looks around) Will you put your pies down! We’re in someone else’s home, and I’m sure the last thing they need is wipped cream everywhere!
(everyone puts down pies)
REBECCA: (looks at thoroughly frightened MR and MRS) I’m terribly sorry…
MR: Oh…it’s fine, I think…
MRS: This has certainly been an…unusual day.
AGGIE: *sneaks towards bunny cage*
ROBERT: Aggie, get back here!
LBK: *is half cat by now* *zooms past* *brushes MRS with her claws*
MRS: Was that girl-
REBECCA: Oh, just ignore LBK, she’s a showoff.
LBK: *faintly* Am NOT!
FF: *comes out of closet* Hey, when’s dinner? I’m famished/starved/hungry/…
ROBERT: That’s enough, Fantasy Fan.
((Urgh…writer’s block is the worst.))
MRS: *takes deep breath* *smells pie smells coming from the kitchen* Oh, oh my, my pies! They must be done by now! I’ll just get them of the oven to cool, please excuse me, coming through….
MR: So… What do you think about the new tax laws?
ROBERT: Umm. Horrible, horrible, I don’t know why they would do anything like that.
MR: *gives Robert a funny look* …But the new taxes are better…
ROBERT: …Hmmm? Yeah, sure. Selenium! What is that?!
SELENIUM: Nothing. *stuffs HBP spray back into her pocket*
(Enter MRS)
MRS: The pies are cooling! Why don’t we eat dinner?
*ROBERT and REBECCA sit down at the table with MRS and MR. All the rest of the people sit down on the floor, under the table, in the living room, all over the house, and begin to talk…loudly…*
MRS: It’s fine. We’ve had our share of…odd…neighbors, in the past.
ROBERT: Well, oddities are our specialty.
(Most of the children are seated by now, and everyone begins to eat.)
ENC: Can somebody pass the whipped cream?
MR: You eat whipped cream with chicken?
AGGIE: We eat whipped cream with everything.
MRS: (sarcastic) And I suppose the pies are a regular thing, too?
FIREH: (reciting) “A pie a day keeps Mr. Joe away.”
MR: Who’s Mr…
REBECCA: (cutting him off) Long story, don’t ask.
((Actually, in line 2, I’d probably just nod sympathetically without saying anything.))
((Oops! I will take note of that.
))
((CROMWELL: (Walks in looking confused, as usual) Has anyone seen my cat Pumpkin?
Just kidding, don’t include that unless you guys want to. In case anyone didn’t get that, Randomosity 101 said en had Pumpkin in ens pie.))
((I won’t use that, because I am a cat lover. That’s still hilarious, though.))
Pie Girl: fine…* put’s down pie…on R101*
R101: HEY!
Pies fly. the bunny escapes, and WN, AGGIE, and SELENIUM chase it.
WN: Get him! He’s evil!
MRS:Sniffles! Come Back!
Selenium: Here you go. Caught in this HPB proof box.
Pie Girl: Don’t look! he wants to bunnify!
MRS: That’s it. Out! All of you! OUT!
( Once outside)
Robert: Okay, who brought the bunny stuff?
(continuing from post 29)
(At first, no one says anything. Everyone glances at each other, looking guilty.)
ROBERT: Seriously, who brought the bunny stuff?
SEVERAL PEOPLE: Um….*look nervous*
ROBERT: *bursts out laughing* Oh, who am I kidding? I was never good at this parenting stuff, anyway.
REBECCA: *looks appalled* Robert! How could you? Do you realize we spent $2.59 on those parenting books! And the lady thought we were married. AGAIN.
*awkward silence*
ROBERT: We should be getting back. *checks watch* I hear there’s another Doctor Who marathon on TV tonight!
SEVERAL PEOPLE CHEER
(Back at 42 Muserly Lane)
TESSERACT: Robert, did you remember to pick up the eleven kilograms of thumbtacks I asked you to get?
ROBERT: Here they are. *magically produces the bag from behind his back*
SILVER LINING: *takes bag* Robert…This is only 9.98 kilgrams of thumbtacks! We asked for TEN! NOT 9.98!
ROBERT: Does it really make a difference?
TESSERACT: *glares* YES!
First you say eleven kilograms, then you say ten. But ’tis so very funny…
Indeed.
Oh yeah. That’s because I was going to have Robert say ‘What? But I thought you asked for ten!’ but then I changed the story. Guess I forgot to change the eleven! It can be ten if you want, it doesn’t really matter.
(Paraphrasing Carl Sagan in the book Comet)
“It had to be 100. We absolutely could not have gotten by with 99.”
WN: AND you forgot the plastic cup!
Silver Lining: Witch, you’re so fanatical about the cups.
WN: *glare* It’s tradition that all thumbtacks are to be held in a plastic cup!
Silver Lining: I repeat. SO. FANATICAL.
WN: (runs to her room, holding the boxed bunny) YOU DON’T UNDERSTAAAAAND!
(Errata walks in)
ERRATA: Sorry I missed meeting the neighbors. I was reading, and I didn’t hear anybody call. Anything special happen?
SILVER LINING: Nothing in particular. They had a HPB and we captured it and I think Witchneko’s debunnifying it now.
ERRATA: Oh, okay.
TESSERACT: Where were you reading, anyway? Didn’t the intercom work?
ERRATA: Oh, I was in the chimney.
MANY MBERS: WHAT!?
ERRATA: Nothing. I meant my bedroom. And there’s definitely not a secret room hidden halfway up the chimney with Comfy Chairs and a full library.
(Many MBers stampede off to climb the chimney.)
ERRATA: (to those still there) Don’t worry, I closed the door. They’ll never find it.
KAI: That’s not what I’m worried about. If anybody looks down and sees the switch, they’ll find they underground laboratory/torture chamber first, and I don’t think they should be loose in there.
ERRATA (Looking worried): You’re right. I really should have been more careful. Ah well, they probably won’t find anything.
SILVER LINING (From the chimney): Hey! We found something!
KAI: What were you saying?
ERRATA: Never mind.
Fireh runs up, covered in soot.
FIREH: We found the room you were talking about, Errata! Only it didn’t have Comfy Chairs or a library.
ERRATA: Oh, great. Laboratory.
FIREH: What? Oh, and it was way more than halfway up the chimney.
KAI & ERRATA: What?
FIREH: Yeah, we were climbing up the handholds conveniently carved in the side of the chimney, and we got about halfway up and they stopped, and there was a ledge running around the chimney, and then Enc noticed that the handholds continued across the chimney from the original ones, and then we climbed those and we got to this really cool room with a glass roof looking up at the sky and a neat telescope and some weird old-fashioned devices and a whole bunch of plants!
KAI: Telescope? Where?
(Kai and Fireh run off toward the fireplace.)
ERRATA: Who knew that there was an other secret room up the chimney?
ROSEBUD2 walks in.
ROSEBUD: (worriedly) Hey, what’s going on? I was out in my tree fort, and a bunch of people were climbing the chimney.
ERRATA: Oh, that’s where you’ve been? Well, I mentioned my secret chimney library by accident, and they went to look, and found Kai’s secret chimney lab!
ROSEBUD: (to self) Cake! What if they find my secret chimney business operation room?
ERRATA: Hmm?
ROSEBUD2: Nothing. See ya later, I, um,want to see the lab! Bye! *dashes off*
(Atop chimney)
ROSEBUD: *pantpant* Hey, guys, wait! I’ll go first and make sure it’s safe!
SL: We’ve gone down here already, Rosebud. It’s fine.
ROSEBUD: I think I saw a midget space squid go up the chimney! A squid with very large teeth!
I’m sorry, I thought I was being clearer then that. The laboratory hasn’t been found yet, neither has the room with Comfy Chairs. A third, previously undiscovered, room has been found, which is like a rooftop observatory/conservatory.
And now I suppose your business operation room has been found as well.
Oh. Cake. It was my fault, sorry.
We have a big chimney, don’t we?
Yep.
We probably also have a huge fireplace, which kind of makes sense, since after all, there’s a lot of us.
((SFTDP- my iPod was acting weird, so I wanted to start out again))
TESSERACT: Right.
SL: You never were a good liar, Rosebud…
TESSERACT: Hey, where’d Fireh go?
FIREH (from inside chimney): Hey, guys, I found a mysterious purple button!
ROSEBUD: Don’t push it, Fireh! It might be dangerous!
Loud clanking noises sound from inside the chimney. Looking worried, Rosebud hops down after Fireh.
FIREH: Ouch!
ROSEBUD: Sorry.
There is now a doorway on one side of the chimney. Rosebud squeezes past Fireh and steps into a medium-sized room. There are all manners of objects: A GameBoy and link cable, clay, a printing press, and more. Fireh follows Rosebud.
FIREH: What’s all this?
ROSEBUD: My secret business operation room… See, I sell Mews and Masterballs for a dollar fifty from Pokemon Red… The friendship bracelet sector is booming…
FIREH: You’ve been doing all this?
R101: (Looks at retreating Rosebud) What is it with secret rooms and chimneys? (Walks off-screen, camera refocuses on Randomosity closing a door that appears to be behind a large wall hanging and locking it.) That’s better, isn’t it Grimmd?
GRIMMD: Meow
R101: Who needs a stuffy chimney when you can have a cooler, more spacious area in the basement!
(Camera pans over room which appears to have a tiny reading area next to a larger laboratory with a small bathroom separated from the rest with dividers)
R101: (dons lab gear and puts a slide under a microscope) Yes, the cellular structure of the Feather’s Tree is coming along nicely, just a few major tweaks…
(Aggie follows Witchy to her room, carrying a gun full of depigmentizer darts, a bunnyproof suit and various information-extraction implements.)
WITCHY: (opening the box carefully, so as not to startle the rabbit) Come over here. He’s acting very twitchy.
AGGIE: That’s to be expected, I suppose. (She injects a shot of truth serum into the bunny’s left paw.)
(Kokonilly bursts through the door, carrying a wire cage and a couple of steaks.)
KOKONILLY: Is he talking yet?
AGGIE: Not yet, but it’s only a matter of time.
(They lift the rabbit out of the box. It twitches its’ little black nose and tries to look innocent. WitchNeko leans her head in closer, listening to the sniffing. It slowly becomes a legible noise, something like words.)
WITCHY: Listen to this!
(Slowly, the mumbling becomes a squeaky, quiet jumble of words, strung quickly together. They sounds something like ‘wearebunniesandwearecute,peopleloveuswithoursnoots,wearecutecute,withoursnoots,wesayw00tw00t,withoursnoots,wearesuperdupercutesolivewithus…)
AGGIE: What on earth…what is a snoot??
KOKONILLY: Perhaps some kind of evil torture device.
(Errata walks into WN’s room.)
ERRATA: Hi, guys. Oh, that’s the HPB? Is it talking yet?
KOKONILLY: Hey, that’s what I asked!
ERRATA: Yep, it’s the proper response to seeing an HPB in chains. So is he?
AGGIE: Yes and no. He’s muttering gibberish under his breath.
ERRATA: Fun. What sort of gibberish?
AGGIE: Come and hear for yourself. By the way, do you know what a snoot is?
WITCHY: I think it’s a snout. Can I cuddle it now?
AGGIE: …You’re infected.
WITCHY: Nah, I just melt around bunnies and kittens. (thrusts the bunny into Kokonilly’s arms) Let me go get Somewe, see if he makes the bunny talk nonsense.
ERRATA: You mean sense, right?
WITCHY: Yeah! Duh. (runs out of the room and returns with a fluffy tuxedo cat) Okay, let’s check how this works. (thrusts Somewhere’s face next to the bunny)
(SUDO walks into room containing WITCHY, AGGIE, ERRATA, and the HPB.)
SUDO: (under breath) wearebunniesandwearecute,peopleloveuswithoursnoots,wearecutecute,withoursnoots- Oh. Um, hey, guys.
AGGIE: What was that you were just singing?
SUDO: Um… nothing?
ERRATA: Yeah right! That was the song the HPB was just singing! You’re a Lagamorph sympathizer!
WITCHY: TRAITOR! (WITCHY jumps at SUDO, aiming a pie at his face.)
SUDO: …What kind of pie is that?
WITCHY: I’m not really sure. I think it came from my pocket, but I don’t quite remember. Pies just sort of conveniently position themselves in my hand when I jump at people.
ERRATA: (inspects pie) It looks to be… Pecan, I think.
SUDO: And if I’m a Lagamorph sympathizer like you claim, then you’ll pie me with it?
WITCHY: That was the plan.
SUDO: In the face?
WITCHY: Where else?
SUDO: Those pecans will hurt. How about you replace it with an apple pie if I agree to tell you what a snoot is?
AGGIE: We decided it’s a snout.
SUDO: I’m fairly certain it’s the noise made by a medieval hunting dog.
AGGIE: …What?
SUDO: Yeah, try it! (snoots several times)
AGGIE: That was disgusting. Why do bunnies think people love that?
SUDO: No idea.
WITCHY: I still think it’s a snout.
SUDO: Bunnies don’t have snouts!
WITCHY: Bunnies aren’t medieval hunting dogs, either!
SUDO: …Nonetheless, my point stands.
ERRATA: Not really. Bunnies have protrusive noses that could be called snouts.
SUDO: Fine. Then bunnies have a vicious and hateful nature that corresponds very much to one of a medieval hunting dog.
ERRATA: Fair enough. So why were you singing the bunny song anyway?
SUDO: Never mind that. I just remembered why I came in here in the first place. Aggie, I dare you to take the gallon challenge-
AGGIE: Absolutely not.
SUDO: Wait, I didn’t finish.
AGGIE: I can’t think of a single way to end that sentence that would change my sentence.
SUDO: I dare you to take the gallon challenge… Backwards.
AGGIE: What does that even mean?
ERRATA: What’s the gallon challenge?
SUDO: It’s when you have to drink a gallon of milk in an hour without throwing up. If you finish early, you have to keep it all in before the hour is up.
ERRATA: That’s disgusting, and sounds pretty much impossible to do backwards.
SUDO: All you have to do is throw up a gallon of milk in an hour without drinking anything!
AGGIE: That’s even worse. My answer is still no.
SUDO: Hey, did you know that in the Russian version of Winnie the Pooh, Eeyore swears?
AGGIE: Hey, WHY do you know that in the Russian version of Winnie the Pooh, Eeyore swears?
WITCHY: Hey, why DON’T you know that in the Russian version of Winnie the Pooh, Eeyore swears?
SUDO: Hey, why don’t YOU know that in the Russian version of Winnie the Pooh, Eeyore swears?
ERRATA: Hey, why don’t you know that IN the Russian version of Winnie the Pooh, Eeyore swears?
SUDO: That doesn’t really make sense, because I DO know.
ERRATA: These have to make sense? I thought we were just emphasizing random words.
SILVER LINING: So did I.
(SUDO, WITCHY, ERRATA, and AGGIE look over to see Silver Lining standing in the shadows.)
SUDO: AAAAH!
WITCHY: When did you get here?!
SILVER LINING: I came in with Sudo.
AGGIE: What have you been doing this whole time?
SILVER LINING: Lurking.
((Kokonilly, I completely forgot you were in that room. I’m sorry!))
WITCHY: I hear that lurking is bad for your health.
AGGIE: No, that’s larping.
SUDO: What’s a larp?
KOKONILLY: I think it’s a deformed lark.
SILVER LINING: In that case, how could it be pluralized?
ERRATA: The act of deforming larks?
AGGIE: ANYWAY…
(The bunny in Witchy’s arms has grown fangs and is now snarling at Somewhere.)
KOKONILLY: Maybe we should sedate it?
SUDO: A wise idea indeed. But then how would we extract information?
AGGIE: We have all the information we need, as long as you can remember that song.
SUDO: Fair enough.
(He hums absently to himself as NILLY and WITCHY struggle to get the bunny into the wire cage without being bitten.)
39/40-
(ERRATA has produced a large dictionary from nowhere.)
ERRATA: Larping isn’t in here. Let’s see about ‘larp’… Nope.
(She closes the dictionary and stuffs it back into nowhere.)
ERRATA: Well, whatever it is, we can be sure it’s bad for your health. Hey, do you two need any help?
NILLY: (grunting and panting) …Yes…That…Would….Be…Great…
ERRATA: Oh, okay. (she begins to help)
(They replace the bunny in the cage)
NILLY: There. That bunny won’t be bothering anybody for a while. Where’s Somewhere?
ERRATA: Dunno, she vanished. Cats in this house have a habit of doing that. People too. Speaking, where are Paul and Roseanne?
AGGIE: Paul’s still teaching that Hurdy-Gurdy Making seminar in Wisconsin. I’m not sure where Roseanne is, but I know I saw her yesterday.
ERRATA: Right. (pause) Is it weird that disappearing people don’t bother us in the slightest?
SILVER LINING: Us? Weird? Perish the thought!
ERRATA: I agree. Do we have any Whipped Cream? I’m having a sudden craving for eggs.
((-39, 41 Can’t… stop… laughing…))
R101: (Looks up from scientific device of some kind) Well, that’s all I can do for now. I’ll have to wait for the changes to take hold. (Walks out of lab area and takes of lab gear) I’m hungry, are you hungry, Grimmd?
GRIMMD: Meow.
R101: OK, let’s go to the kitchen and get something to eat.
(Scene changes to kitchen, where Randomosity101 is putting a pie in the oven)
R101: OK, Grimmd. Your tuna fish pie will be done in just a few minutes.
(Errata walks in and grabs a can of whipped cream)
R101: Why do you want the whipped cream?
ERRATA: I want to make myself some eggs.
R101: Ah, OK. When your done with it, can you give it to me? I was planning on eating a bagel.
ERRATA: Is this our last can?
R101: Yep. I asked Robert to buy more. We do seem to go through whipped ream awfully fast here, huh?
Here’s the trailer, new and improved. I borrowed some people’s work, I hope you guys don’t mind.Â
V.O.: In a small town in Illinois…
[close up of sign that says “Museica, Illinois- 3 mi.”]
V.O.: In a house often called The Woven Beyond…..
[the Embi house, as seen from the street]
V.O.: There is a family.
[shot of several Embis crowded around a television, arguing about something while Star Trek plays on the screen]
V.O.: The Embi family.
[shot of the Embi house again from the street. Girl Scout walks up to the door and rings the doorbell.]
GIRL SCOUT: Hello?
[door is opened by Enc and another MBer.]
MBER: Yes?
GIRL SCOUT: Hi! Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?
MBER: [interested stare] Are they made with real Girl Scouts?
GIRL SCOUT: Umm… Never mind.
MBER: It hate it when things advertise falsely, don’t you? I mean, we only get Shepherd’s Pie made with real shepherds. Nothing fake in our house! Everything is real!Â
GIRL SCOUT: [runs away screaming]
MBER: Even the needles on our Christmas trees can be used for sewing! Hey, where’d she go?
MBER: What a shame. I bet the cookies were made out of Boy Scouts instead. Shame on you, Girl Scouts, shame on you for trying to pass off the cookies as something that they weren’t!
ENCELADUS: Again? Man, nothing is real in America anymore. Sugar made of corn, Flamingos made of plastic… Heck, everything’s made of plastic! Even boo-
MBER: [hurriedly] Yes, Enceladus, I get the point.
ENCELADUS: … I was going to say Boondoggle.
[Fireh has just been given a shot, perhaps flu vaccination, at school. She looks at the spot, then looks accusingly at the nurse.]
F+H: Why isn’t there any blood?
[everyone screams in disgust]
[flash to the scene where f+h and WN are fussing about cats.]
LUNA: …and why were you on the roof?
[cut]
F+H: I’m sure you’ll find Cake Somewhere.Â
[cut to pie war/postman scene]
POSTMAN: Bad morning?Â
ROBERT: No, actually….
[cut to all the kids gathered around a piano. Rebecca is playing, and all the others are singing American Pie.]
ROBERT: Here it comes!
[huge pie falls from ceiling, covering everyone with pie]
[cut to the family eating out at a nice resteraunt.]
WAITER: Here are your pies. Will you need to-go boxes? [looking doubtfully at the large amount of pies.]
REBECCA: No, we’re fine. [pies waiter in the face with cheery pie] I want a refund on that one, mind you. Â
[cut to all the kids sitting on the roof, waving cheerfully at the neighbors, before simultaneously pulling pies from behind their backs]
KIDS: HAPPY PI DAY!Â
[pies rain down on the neighbors. Close up of a calendar, with the date March 14th circled in red.]
V.O.: Life will never be normal again.Â
[cut to several MBers running from MR, holding a large cage]
MR: GIVE ME BACK MY RABBIT!
AGGIE: We told you, it’s evil!
ENC: If we let you keep it, we’d all die.Â
MR: I’m going to tell your parents about this!
F+H: Firstly, they’re not our parents, and-
SILVER LINING: Secondly, they assigned us this mission.Â
[camera pans down the street. Several neighbors have signs saying “Obama for President” or other candidates, but the sign in the yard of the Embi family says “Kokopelli for President; A Pie In Every Face”]
[cut to voting booth area thing, where people are voting for presidents, etc]
ROBERT: What do you mean, I can’t vote for Kokopelli?!?
[cut to the Embi family having a pie war. Pie and cream and crusts are flying everywhere. Close-ups of various cream-covered MBers, grinning as they aim their pies.]
V.O.: Chaos.
[a pie flies right in front of the camera lens]
V.O.: Insanity.
[a pie hits the lens. The screen is filled with dripping cream and light brown pie-crust.]
V.O.: The strangest, most flamablamablous, and funniest family in the history of the world.
[back to pie war scene]
MBER: WHY WAS THAT PIE FILLED WITH TOOTHPASTE?
[screen blacks out]
V.O.: The Embi family, coming soon to theaters near you.
Oh. My. God. That’s bril.
Bril? Bril? No, Luna. Spell out the whole word. Really–Fireh put all that work into the script and you can’t even spell out “brilliant”? *rants*
hey. shortening brilliant is a long-standing museblog tradition. so there.
[citation needed]
took me three seconds. https://musefanpage.com/blog/?p=568#comments
post 37, from November 5, 2006
The earliest “brill” (so spelled) I’ve found on the blog was by Ebeth in November 2005:
https://musefanpage.com/blog/?p=98#comment-3850
One-L “bril” appears to be a Luna-ism introduced in April 2010:
https://musefanpage.com/blog/?p=6654#comment-366609
Then there’s brillig…
I’ll accept “brill” as shorthand for “brillig”.
Dude, the brits say “bril” so I can too. So there.
I thought it had two ‘L’s? At least, that’s how I would spell it, and I’m a Brit.
*shrug* Could be….I’ve only heard it, never actually seen it written, so I suppose I just made up a spelling. “Brill” works for me.
Thanks, guys.
((-43 It’s kinda long for a trailer…. But it’s still funny.
-42 Yay! My first ever forty-second post!))
This is awesomely insane! lol
kiwimuncher: *stands casually on a street corner reading a newspaper* *suddenly folds the paper up crisply and strides down the street* *a person in an orange jumpsuit is striding in front of her* *kiwimuncher suddenly slips and falls over against the orange jumpsuit person* Oh excuse me! *tries and fails to untangle herself from the stranger* How clumsy of me!
Orange jumpsuit: Oh it’s fine. (flustered) *stumbles back up and hurries away*
kiwimuncher: *stands on the curb looking after the orange jumpsuit* Interesting. *takes the orange jumpsuit’s wallet and peers inside* *grins* Target spotted.
ERRATA: Yep. (Looks in the fridge.) Eggs… Whipped cream’s already out… Tofu…. Milk… Cheese… Ooh, green onions… And mayonnaise. (looks at pile of stuff she’s made.) Hey, Randomosity, You want some eggs?
The next day at about the same time as post 12…
*While most of the MBers are chasing and flinging pies, Zinnober 9 is looking out the window, eagerly awaiting the arrival of his package. The postman is seen tiptoeing up to the door.*
Z9: I’ll get it!! *Opens the door* Hello postperson! Ok, this is how this will work; you hand over the mail, my package, and all of our Muse issues unwrinkled. In return, we’ll give you pie. *silence* Mr. Postman? Mr. Postman? Now where did he go? Oh well. *Looks down and picks up the all the mail.*
(At this point, the postman is running away screaming, not slowing down until he is safely aboard his cardboard spaceship.)
-Later, sometime after lunch, the doorbell rings. Everyone freezes.-
Enc: Is it the postman again? He forgot his pie! *Opens the door* Hello Mr Po… You are not the postman. *Hides pie*
Neo MBer: dude, ttly not! i’m new!! cool, that pi? whats hpb? how you make that sploosh pi?
*Piggy floats over*
Piggy: If you must live in this house you must follow these rules…*Lists the rules*…Use proper grammar… “sploosh” pie is : !: without spaces… Got it?
Neo MBer: dude! ttly not.
Piggy: I will be in my room of grammatical perfection knitting octopi for the next few hours.
Neo MBer: cu L8R dude!
One MBer gets hit by a pie and says, “Oh [Snip! –Admin.]! I got my face on your pie! How dare me! I will pay for that!”
Neo MBer: wat just hppnd?
Robert: He said something rude, so it was snipped. We will not stand for distasteful sayings in this house. It’s one of the rules.
Z9: I’m going to the thumbtack store over on [Snip! Too much locational info… let’s just say, “Illinois” –Admin.] They’re having a sale on “bogo” thumbtacks. I don’t know what the difference is between regular and bogo thumbtacks is, but I’ll be getting 10.02 kilograms of ’em. Anyone need anything?
A chorus of “Yes, whipped cream!!” fills the room.
Z9: Okay. *Turns the light off*
Sudo: Yay! Someone turned on the dark!
Enc: Ooh, we can have a pie fight in the dark! Let’s duck tape Robert’s forty-two laser pointers to our pie cannons; I think that he keeps them in the fridge!
I was re-reading the Girl Scout scene and I really think that there should be allowances made for those members of the Embi family who also happen to be Girl Scouts. Rest assured we wouldn’t run away from something little like that…
Here’s how a Girl Scout meeting would probably go:
GS LEADER: Order, order, everyone. How did today’s cookie sales go?
(Girl Scouts all try to tell her the number of boxes they sold at the same time)
GS LEADER: FantasyFan? Why aren’t you participating?
FF: Ma’am, I would like to reiterate my proposal form last week–
GS LEADER: NO! NO, we will not start selling Girl Scout pies instead of cookies!
FF: Come on, you know they’ll be popular.
GS LEADER: We tried this already and they were only popular because you threw the pies at people who didn’t buy them! Do you know how many complaints we got?!
FF: Yeah, yeah…
GS LEADER: I’m going to take you off cookie-selling duty if this keeps up…
(And idea occurs to FantasyFan)
FF: No. No, please don’t do that.
Later
(Empty GS cookie boxes litter the floor of a room. In the middle of it, FantasyFan laughs maniacally)
FF: At last! At long last, my spring-loaded automatic pie launchers are all concealed within these innocuous looking cookie boxes! My plan to
destroyrevolutionize the Girl Scout cookie industry is complete!back at the meeting
GS LEADER: You sold all your boxes today? It’s good to note that you’ve come to accept the official Girl Scout policy on cookies, FF…And the rules regarding pieing of customers.
FF: (grinning) Of course, Leader…I even saved a box especially for you.
(The GS Leader opens it, and a pie whizzes out. SPLAT! The leader stands there shocked)
FF: (Carrying more cookie boxes away) I’m glad you enjoyed it, Leader…I have some more boxes to sell now–and more people to pie!
And thus the legend of the Girl Scout who sold pies instead of cookies was born…
Epilogue:
(after FF goes home, around the Embi family dinner table)
RANDOM MBER: Today, I scared off this Girl Scout selling cookies that didn’t even have Girl Scouts in them.
FF: Hey, watch it. I sell Girl Scout cookies.
MBER: Please tell me they are baked with authentic Girl Scouts in them…
FF: Actually, there’s something better in them.
MBER: What?
FF:Why don’t you try them?
(The MBer is pied. FF falls to the ground laughing, and is pied. It escalates into another one of 42 Muserly Lane’s frequent pie wars)
((-45 Thou art so dastardly and devious! Wait… Was the guy in the orange jumpsuit Vector?
-47 At first I thought I wouldn’t particularly like it, but by the end my laptop was falling off my lap because I was laughing so hard.))
R101: (voicing responses to Errata’s food options as en says them)
Hm, I don’t want eggs. Tofu would soak the bagel, as would milk. CHEESE! CHEESE! CHEESE! CHE- OOH! GREENONIONSGREENONIONSGREEN I’m not a big fan of mayonnaise.
ERRATA: Are you in food-obsessed super-hyper mode again?
R101: Yeah, cooping myself up in my l- ittle reading corner in my room an do that to me.
Cheese is good.
On the iPod touch, that appeared so randomly, since the mobile theme doesn’t have nested comments. I passed it by without a thought after looking at the username. (MLIA)
((47- Ha. I’m such doofus in this play. XD
49- more likely a prisoner of the state.))
ERRATA: You don’t have a reading corner in your room. So you want cheese and green onions, but nothing else? Right, just a second.
(she begins slicing green onions, grating cheese, and cutting the tofu into cubes. Once she is done, she passes Randomosity some cheese and green onions and throws everything else in a pan.)
ERRATA: There, that should be done in a minute. Pass the Whipped Cream, will you? And by the way, what brand is it?
R101: Some random generic knockoff of Neat-Whip.
ERRATA: Oh, good. I don’t support Neat-Whip. Did you know that they use no whips in their production of Whipped Cream? It’s ludicrous.
(Mikazuki is walking into the kitchen reading a Septimus Heap book. She has a peach in her mouth, and is attempting to eat it without using her hands. She walks into Errata, and looks up. )
MIKAZUKI: I fink oo shood o dat der nixdd aksj sodfou. ooos.
(Mikazuki swallows the peach.)
MIKAZUKI: Oh, hi. Um, I thought you should know, MRS’s and MR’s niece, Tammy, is at their house for the week, and she wants to see the bunny… She’s at the door. I think they want us to feel guilty, and give them back their bunny… She’s 9 and a total brat. I was spying on her using my various spy cameras hooked up everywhere.
(Mikazuki exits, still reading. She walks into a section of wall about 3 feet away from the door. After groping around for several minutes, Mikazuki moves to the door and opens it. Errata and R101 glance at each other, shrug, and continue cooking and eating. Loud banging sounds can be heard from the direction of the front door…)
TAMMY: Let me in! Let me in! BUNNYNAPPERS! MURDERERS! THIEVES! I wanna see Uncle and Aunties bunneeeeeeeeeeeeee!
(ERRATA and R101 peer out the front door at the yelling pre-tween.)
ERRATA: Obviously hypnobunnified.
R101: Yep.
(They go back to eating, totally ignoring the loud banging and yelling.)
(Mikazuki puts down the book and sighs regretfully. She gropes in her pocket for a minute and finally pulls out a handful of dirt, chocolate sprinkles, and a worm.)
MIKAZUKI: Poor guy. I should put him back in the garden. First things first, though…
(Mikazuki puts back the dirt, sprinkles, and worm. She grabs something in her other pocket.)
MIKAZUKI: Good. Depigmentiser liquid. Now for the pie.
(Mikazuki grabs a pie off the hall floor and dribbles the liquid all over the pie. She opens the front door.)
TAMMY: Well, it’s about time! Are you going to let me see the bunny or not?
(Mikazuki pies her in the face. She waits while the effects of the depigmentiser set in.)
TAMMY: Where am I? Who am I? Why am I on the the floor? Wait… You must have drugged me! AUNTIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! HEELLLPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Tammy runs back to MR and MRSs’ house.)
MIKAZUKI: At least it got rid of her…
R101: Anyway, back to what we were saying earlier, I call that comfy chair in my room with the library books around it my reading corner.
ERRATA: It’s not even in the corner!
R101: I know but it’s better than “my reading middle of the room next to the wall”. And as for Neat Whip, I completely agree. As the great Roald Dahl said, “Whipped cream is not whipped cream at all unless it has been whipped with whips! Just as a poached egg isn’t really poached unless it’s been stolen from the jungle in the dead of night!”
Kiwimuncher: *examines a mapquest page she printed off- super awesome spy skills right there!* *finds herself standing in front of the a mysterious, tall, black skyscraper* *sees a window washing man*
Hello good sir! May I climb on your very tall window washing contraption in order to sneak into this building and steal super secret things?
Window Washing mMan: Sure thing little lady!
Kiwimuncher: Thanks! >:)
MBer-who-doesn’t-know-French (referred to as MBer):
MBer: *overhears these two people talking in French on the street* *walks up to them* Je suis un pamplemousse.
French Person: *looks confused* Je suis un pamplemousse? Do you even know what that means? Do you even speak French?
MBer: Maybe…
(Both French people sigh, shake their heads, and walk away.)
MBer: Uh…baguette! Eiffel Tower? No? Never mind…
TAMMY: AUNTIE! THE NEIGHBOURS DRUGGED ME AND STOLE THE BUNNY AND –
MRS: They stole the bunny again?
TAMMY: YES AND THEY LOCKED ME UP AND FED ME STUFF AND –
MR: You know, Tammy, if you’re going to be staying with us a while, you may have to get used to it.
TAMMY: But, Uncle! *whines* Go make them say sorry! They DRUGGED me!
MR: Well…I don’t think that is very necessary, dear, and…uh…
TAMMY: UNCLE, THEY DRUGGED ME!!!!
MRS: Perhaps we should report this to the police. *dials
999911*SUDO: AHA! They are have called the police! *quickly climbs down from the tree in which he has been spying on the neighbours and runs back into his own house*
(Back at 42 Muserly Lane)
SUDO: ROBERT!!! ROBERT!!!!! They’re calling the police!!!
ROBERT: *mildly* The police? Why?
SUDO: How am I supposed to know?
ROBERT: *looks thoughtful* *raises his voice* KIDS, EVERYONE GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW OTHERWISE THERE’LL BE NO WHIPPED CREAM FOR THE NEXT TWO DAYS!
(A general chaos ensues, with the sound of many footsteps pounding through the hallways echoing through the house. Several people skid to a stop.)
EVERYONE: We’re here, Robert!
Robert: *looking serious* Does anyone know why the neighbours might have called the police?
ERRATA: *looks guilty* Um…we might have behaved a tad unfavourably to our new neighbour, Tammy.
ROBERT: Tammy?
R101: Their niece.
ROBERT: And you did what?
ERRATA: Well, we were trying to save the world –
R101: – by ridding the neighbourhood of those eeeevil HPBs *shudders*
ERRATA: – and we thought we’d tackle something a little closer to home at first.
ROBERT: *sighs* You kidnapped their rabbit again, didn’t you?
ERRATA: *insistently* It’s a danger to mankind, civilisation, our survival, the future of this planet…*gabbles*
ROBERT: And what did you do to the poor girl?
SUDO: Poor girl? She’s a BRAT!
ROBERT: What did you do to this…Tammy?
MIKAZUKI: Well, she was screaming her head off, so I decided to give her something to eat.
ROBERT: What? What did you give her to eat?
MIKAZUKI: Um…Pie?
ROBERT: And?
MIKAZUKI: *mumbling* Depigmentiser liquid…
ROBERT: *relaxes* Good. At least it’s not illegal. However, I think we have around *checks watch* 5 minutes before the police get here, and I want this house to look normal.
SEVERAL PEOPLE: Normal?
ROBERT: *continues* Sudo, Enceladus, Errata, and Randomosity101, you return the bunny to its cage. Three should be enough to create a diversion, while the other returns it, unless you think you can get in without them noticing?
SUDO: *nods* *gets into a group with the other three in the corner* *whispers the plan* We’re going to climb the tree – it leads straight into their bedroom – from there we can use the back stairs and…
ROBERT: The rest of you, get rid of anything the police could use against us. That includes the depigmentiser liquid, Mikazuki.
MIKAZUKI: *to enself* Aww, darn it.
ROBERT: Scrub the floors if you have to. Rebecca, be prepared to handle the neighbours if they come over while the police are here. Have some food or something to offer them.
REBECCA: *nods* *scurries away to find edible food*
(Three minutes of mad chaos, rushing round and bumping into each other ensue. The ‘to hide’ pile is growing larger by the second.)
SILVER LINING: *wails* Where are we going to shove this stuff?
LUNA: My whole wall is covered in Dr. Who/Torchwood DVDs, and there’s a sort of hollow compartment behind there. Otherwise we could use the oven and washing machine.
WITCHNEKO: Darn, where are we going to put all these thumbtacks? *shoves the whole bag under her bed and pulls the blankets down so it covers what’s underneath*
ROBERT: EVERYONE!!!!
(Everyone rushes back to the living room. The four who have been at the neighbours are back in time, fortunately.)
ROBERT: Sudo, Enc, Errata, Randomosity101, how did it go?
ENC: *grins* Perfectly. They never suspected a thing. Though I did hear a shriek and a ‘SNIFFLES!’ as we were leaving their backyard.
ROBERT: All right, I want four of you to stay here and everyone else to hide. Hide in the rooms furthest to the back, if you will. Unless…*turns to Piggy* Piggy, would you mind if almost everyone waited at the H&H for a while?
PIGGY: All right, but not too much ordering, the wungs are tired today…Who’s been playing the bagpipes?
(Everyone averts their eyes.)
ROBERT: Okay, which four are going to stay? *scans the crowd* Fireh, starr, Selenium and Enc – you stay here with me and pretend to be our kids. And don’t try anything stupid!
(Enc opens his mouth to argue but closes it again.)
Everyone else, to the H&H! Hurry, I think the police are almost here.
(Suddenly, the house is all quiet, with the just the six of them – Robert, Rebecca, Fireh, starr, Enc and Selenium standing in the kitchen. Police sirens can be heard in the distance, and the distinctive voice of Mrs saying ‘Good, they’re here. I hope they get evicted. I’ve had enough trouble to last me a lifetime from those lot next door.’)
(The police throw open the door, closely followed by Mr and Mrs and Tammy, who is looking greedy.)
ROBERT: *pleasantly* Good evening.
POLICE 1: *frowns* Who called?
MR: Er…*gestures to Mrs*
MRS: *hisses* No, you say it!
MR: Um…we did, sir. We had a complaint about our neighbours.
POLICE 2: A complaint? About this family here?
TAMMY: *growing impatient* They kidnapped our bunny, several times, and drugged me until I lost consciousness! *is whining*
POLICE 1: *sounding amused* Did they really? *turns to Robert and Rebecca* Good evening, Mr. and Mrs…
(Robert and Rebecca look at each other).
REBECCA: Um…Smith.
ROBERT: That’s right. I’m Gary, and this is my wife…uh…Mary.
POLICE 2: Mary and Gary Smith. Well, I’m sorry to disturb you on such a peaceful night like tonight (Enceladus snickers, but manages to pass it off as a sneeze), but your neighbours here dialed in with a complaint, it seems.
ROBERT: I see. And what was the cause of their complaint?
MRS: You heard the girl! Your unruly, troublesome kids (all four offer the policemen their most innocent smiles) have kidnapped my cute, harmless bunny Sniffles THIRTEEN times in the past MONTH!
TAMMY: AND they put me in a coma that lasted for hours.
FIREH: It wasn’t hours, it was only – *is cut off by a glare from Robert*
STARR: What she means is we would never want to harm such a virtuous girl like Tammy!
SELENIUM: That’s right, she’s been so kind to us for the past two weeks, I wish she wasn’t visiting for such a short while! *looks tearful*
MR: *frowns* Something’s not right here. *points at Robert and Rebecca* I thought you two weren’t married?
ROBERT: I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’d been married for a long time before we even moved here.
MRS: And they’ve got, like, a THOUSAND kids here! They run amok all day, causing chaos and whatnot. It really is close to a thousand!
POLICE 1: A thousand? I only see four. *smirks*
MR: *is frustrated* It’s TRUE, I tell you! I don’t know where they’ve put them all, there definitely used to be at least two hundred – Officers, why don’t you search the house?
REBECCA: Of course. We have nothing to hide.
(Policemen search the house.)
POLICE 1: *looking embarrassed* Well, I’m sorry to disturb you for so long, Mr. and Mrs. Smith –
ROBERT: Please, call us Gary and Mary.
POLICE 1: Uh…right. Gary and Mary. I’m sorry to have disturbed your evening, but we were obviously very falsely informed. *glares at Mr and Mrs and Tammy* We’ll leave you in peace now…Thank you, and goodbye.
REBECCA: *cheerfully* Have a good night! And you, Mr/Mrs and Tammy!
(They close the door and begin laughing.)
ROBERT: Whew! What a night! I can’t believe I managed to keep a straight face through that whole thing.
REBECCA: Still. Gary and Mary? *cracks up*
ROBERT: KIDS! YOU CAN COME OUT NOW!
(Out of nowhere, everyone begins to reappear.)
SEVERAL PEOPLE: *grinning* We heard EVERYTHING!
TESSERACT: It was great!
ROBERT: I think this is a cause for celebration…
EVERYONE: *shouts* PIE WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have Doctor Who and Torchwood DVDs covering my wall? I’m confused….You mean, like, on shelves on the wall? Because I definitely wouldn’t have the DVDs glued decoratively to the walls….
And not a biggie, but I’d definitely have HP stuff, too. I may mainly talk about DW/TW at the moment, but I’ve not lost my fandom for HP.
Oh, also (again, not that important), but I probably wouldn’t suggest oven or washing machine (or dryer, for that matter) as a hiding spot for contraband. I feel that would be one of the very first places a cop (or anyone else) would look if they were doing a search….
I think she meant stacks of them stacked up against the wall. Mostly covering it.
I was thinking of shelves…not DVDs glued to the walls, XD. Okay, we can add HP to it, and maybe delete the oven/washing machine sentence.
I figured you probably meant shelves or some such, but I was mildly confuzzled.
((what if you removed the drum [of the washing machine] and hid them in there, then replaced the drum?))
That could work.
LUNA: My whole wall is covered in shelves, mostly storing Dr. Who/Torchwood/HP DVDs, and there’s a sort of hollow compartment behind there. Or we could hide stuff in the drum of the washing machine.
PG: *enters* Oh, I was at my s-hrine to Maximum ride. ‘Gary? Mary? Really? *cracks up*
ROBERT: Hey, I had to think of something!
PG: Well, anyway… PIE WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! * Grabs pie cannon*
((Gary Stu and Mary Sue, actually.))
(Kai enters pushing large fish tank on a dolly)
KAI: “Ugh!”
FIREH: “You want some help?”
KAI: “Sure thing.”
(Both girls push tank into position on front lawn and fill it with water from the hose)
FIREH: “What’s this for, anyway?”
KAI: “I’m getting an important delivery from South Africa tomorrow.”
(The next day)
(Postman tiptoes up to the house, afraid. A bird chirps loudly on his right, causing him to jump a foot in the air.)
POSTMAN: “Deep breaths, Greg, deep breaths. You can’t afford another therapy session.”
(Postman takes several deep breaths and rings the doorbell)
SELENIUM: “Oh, hello again, Mr. Postman…” (Smiles weakly)
(Postman’s legs begin to shake)
POSTMAN: “I have a delivery for a Ms. Yves-Cousteau, is she here at the moment?”
SELENIUM: “I think so.” *Turns to inside of house* “KAI!”
(Kai comes running in)
POSTMAN: “Are you, uh-” *Squints at clipboard* “Ka-ee-ouh-lah-”
KAI: “Just Kai! Is it here now?”
POSTMAN: “We’ve got it right out front, just sign here, ma’am.” *Thrusts pencil and clipboard at Kai*
KAI: *Signs* “Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!” *Runs out to see truck parked by curb* “I can’t believe it’s finally here! Just put it in the tank right there, we’ve filled it up with salt water.”
(Workers pull out large ice-packed cooler and dump a large blue-gray fish with lobe-shaped fins into the tank)
KAI: “Oh, he’s beautiful! Thanks so much, you guys!”
SELENIUM: “Is that what I think it is?”
KAI: (Solemnly) “It’s a Coelacanth. I’ve wanted one ever since I was a little kid.”
SELENIUM: “Those prehistoric fish people used to think were extinct?”
KAI: “Yup. Isn’t he special?”
(Both stare at coelacanth swimming around for a long time)
SELENIUM: “So what are you going to name it?”
Coelacanths are awesome. They have a dead one that’s sort of pickled or something at this natural history museum. When I was a kid I was so scared of it…. * random ramble *
So what are you going to name it?
I don’t know, I was hoping somebody else would think of something. (My idea was CeCe, but that’s lame.)
I just realized this post implies that our hose is saltwater, or at least that we have a saltwater hose. Of course, for the Embis, that’s not so strange.
For the squids, you know.
FIREH: (running in) Guys! Guys! I found out what a snoot is!
WN: Whaaaaaat?
AGGIE: What is it?
FIREH: A snoot is, uh, a term used in photography to describe a certain type of lighting technique.
WN: What the cake?
AGGIE: …wearebunnieswearecute,peopleloveuswithoursnoots…. photography?
((49.1 Cheese is not just good, cheese is AWESOME!))
(R101 appears.)
R101: Are you sure about that, Fireh? Because Dictionary.com says it’s slang for nose, which makes a bit more sen- (Breaks off as she catches Aggie’s chant) Holy false cake!
(R101 dumps vial of depigmentiser liquid on Aggie’s head)
R101: Good thing we had extra.
AGGIE: What just happened?!?
((Does depigmentiser liquid remove all pigments or just hot-pink pigment? If it pulls out all, Aggie’s hair will have a black spot where the depigmentiser liquid hit it.))
((Wouldn’t it be a white spot, not black, if it removed all the color pigments from her hair? After all, albinos lack pigmentation, and their hair is white…))
((Actually, white has been shown to be a mix of color, whereas black contains zero pigment. At least, I believe that’s what I read in Muse and Odyessy…))
((Unless I’m much mistakne–which is quite possible, and it certainly wouldn’t be the first time, nor will it be the last–white is only a mix of color when one is talking about light. White light is a mixture of colors, thus why prisms reflect a rainbow of colors when hit with white light, and black light is the absence of color. However, if I recall correctly, when talkinga bout colors of an object, ie pigments, rather than light itself, black is actually the presence of all colors, and white the absence of all colors. Somebody please tell me I’m remembering my highschool physics (or whatever) correctly…..))
((To use the technical term, light is additive (you can think of them adding together to make white). Colors in objects are subtractive (think of them as subtracting from white) and become darker as you add more color. In real life, black is actually just very dark blue or brown or a jumble of pigments, not true black.))
((Wouldn’t there be a white spot?))
((No, just hot-pink pigment.))
R101: I thought you might have been in some danger.
WITCHY: What happened to her hair?
AGGIE: WHY is my hair WHITE!?
R101: (sheepishly) Well, it IS depigmentizer…
AGGIE: I wasn’t BUNNIFIED!
WITCHY: What does this have to do with photography?!
R101: I’m confused!
AGGIE: I’m irked!
WITCHY: I’m composed of sixty percent water!
I love the last line.
Bahaha, thanks.
((Ok, I’m on my iPod Touch, so this doesn’t continue from any other storyline.))
(Enc, Keiffer, Pseudonym, AM, Beetles, and Sudo are exploring dusty passages in the house.)
SUDO: This roomfull of dressmaker’s models is weird.
ENC: What are all these pictures doing here?
PSEDO: Hey, look! It’s a huge room of costumes!
((All rush in))
AM: I found a pinstripe suit!
PSEUDO: I got a black leather jacket! And jumper!
ENC: Well, I got the tweed jacket. And bowtie!
ALL: Awwww……….
Keiffer: We should all find changing rooms.
Enc: Nah, we can just put these costumes over our clothes.
AM: (dressed as tenth doctor) I already did that.
Pseudo: (as ninth doctor) How do I look?
Enc: (as eleventh doctor) Bowties. Are. Cool.
Keifffer, to Pseudo: (dressed as Rose) Do you ever change your jumper?
Enc: This is very not good. Three Doctors, gathered at one point in time?
Sudo, to Enc: (dressed as Amy Pond) I think you’re just a bit too in character…
Enc, to Sudo: Sudo, if there’s one thing you should know, because it might be important sometime, it’s that you can never be too in character.
((My index finger is exhausted!))
((Ha. I don’t watch Doctor Who. Who is Amy Pond?))
((The Doctor’s spicy, ginger companion.))
((…and this is who I chose to dress up as?))
It’s okay, I chose to dress up as Rose. XD
Amy Pond is sheer utter brilliance, the companion in series 5 New Who. Red hair, Scottish, extremely attractive, and tens to run around in very short skirts. And she’s rather flirty.
*Window washing man kindly lets kiwimuncher in through a window on the 29th floor*
Window washing man: Is this the floor you needed little lady?
Kiwimuncher: No. I actually need floor 28 but I couldn’t possibly get off on that floor because when one is sneaking into skyscrapers it is essential to sneak onto a floor with a prime number and this was the closest one.
Window Washing man: Oh. I see. Well, good luck.
Kiwimuncher: Thankyou! ^^ *climbs through the window into an ordinary office building* *looks down at the floor* *pulls out her handy dandy pocket drill* *drills a hole through the floor* *climbs down into a janitor’s closet* Well isn’t this going well? *grabs a mop and heads out the door*
((Your posts give me the feeling that this seeming ramble will lead to something very important. In the mean time, thanks for the hilarity!))
You are quite welcome!
((I’ve been inspired to attempt to create Fireh’s wonderful trailer. Any ideas for background music?))
((Some Classical era/ Romantic era movement of a symphony.
Oh, and on this topic, Doctor Who fans look up the first movement of Schubert’s unfinished symphony, and picture a trailer or episode set to it.))
R101: Witchy! Stop being so awesomely random! That’s my job!
WITCHY: *surprised/confused look*
R101: I’m joking.
AGGIE: Random, why did you depigmentize me?
R101: Well, I heard you chanting that bunny chant, and I thought a precautionary measure was necessary. Better white hair now than a bunny later.
((Caramelldansen.
NO REALLY.))
((Ep???))
((SFTDP Why?))
((I was responding to Sudo’s post. :D))
This is vaguely less humorous than previous installments.
WN: *walks into Aggie’s room* Hey, Aggie, I have a question.
AGGIE: *without looking up* What is it? Busy here!
WN: *seriousface* Do you remember the name on your birth certificate?
AGGIE: *flat surprise* What.
WN: No, really! I’m pretty sure I wasn’t born Witchneko. Not to mention the time about half of the girls spelled my name Witchenko on April Fool’s.
AGGIE: Aaaand that has to do with anything why?
WN: *hmmphs* Hmmph. I’ll go get Randomosity and Sudo and Enc; see if that can answer my question. *to herself* I thiiink it was Mir-something…it’s been a while. *stomps out, breaking into a sprint as soon as the doorway is crossed*
Voila! Sudo, Enc, Randomosity; your cues.
(ERRATA wonders through the room)
ERRATA: Hi Aggie. You’re hair’s white.
AGGIE: (irritated) YES, I know. I-
ERRATA: OH! WHITE HAIR! PERFECT! (She dashes out of the room)
R101: What was that about?
(ERRATA dashes back in)
ERRATA: HERE AGGIE! (She dumps a bottle of liquid over Aggie’s head)
R101: Awesome!
ERRATA: It worked!
AGGIE: (Deadly calm) What happened to my hair this time.
ERRATA: Well, it’s a sort of purple… Orange… Um…
AGGIE: WHAT?!
ERRATA: Kidding. It’s back to normal. I think. Probably. Maybe. By the way, you haven’t eaten any peanut butter in the past twenty four hours, have you?
((70- *wanders* *Your hair’s white* Sorry, I just had to. Why peanut butter?))
R101: That is just so cheesy! Uh, sorry. Cheesy means awesome.
AGGIE: What color is my hair?!?
(WN bursts in.)
WN: Randomosity, do you remember what the name on your birth certificate was?
R101: My given name? Yeah, why?
WN: I forgot mine. I think it was Mir-something.
R101: Mir, Mir… Nope. Not ringing any bells. Sorr- wait! That scientist I was rigthting about, the one I needed a name for, you said her name should be Mira. Does that help?
WN: Hmm… What’s yours?
R101: All I’m going to say is this: it is also the name of a book character that I’m not particularly fond of, and it starts with D.
Oh dear. It looks like I blew that alter ego.
…Rigthting? I’m trying to figure out exactly how that’s said.
kiwimuncher: *strolls casually down the corridor with mop in tow* *rounds the corner and runs into the man in the orange jumpsuit*
Man in Orange Jumpsuit: *look of surprise and confusion* Are you a janitor?
kiwimuncher: I have a mop don’t I?
Man in Orange Jumpsuit: Where is your uniform?
kiwimuncher: An unfortunate incident on floor 29 rendered it incapable of being worn.
Man in the Orange Jumpsuit: Really? Well, I do seem to recognize you from somewhere. While you’re here, you should know that I’m leaving early, so remember to lock up my office before you head out.
kiwimuncher: Of course.
Man in Orange Jumpsuit: *frowning* *nods and leaves*
AGGIE: Will someone PLEASE hand me a mirror?!
EERRATA: Okay, be right back.
(She leaves the room, skidding around the corner towards the bathroom.)
WITCHY: Starts with a D, eh? Is it Draco Malfoy?
R101: I’m guessing not.
WITCHY: Daphne?
R101: That’s a cartoon character.
WITCHY: Davey Jones?
R101: Fictional pirate.
(The banter over her name continues in this fashion while ERRATA rushes back in, clutching a long handled mirror. She hands it to AGGIE.)
ERRATA: Here you go!
(AGGIE looks at herself in the mirror, drops it and screams.)
AGGIE: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! What did you DO to me?!?
(Her hair is now a translucent, shimmering candy apple red.)
ERRATA: Oh dear. You don’t like it?
WITCHY: Tsk, tsk.
R101: Must have been the peanut butter.
WITCHY: *pout* Awww, Aggie, your hair is so much cooler than mine!
R101: Witchy; your hair is what people dye and artificially curl their hair to get!
WITCHY: No it isn’t, my hair is ugly!
R101: No, it’s not!
WITCHY: Yes it is! Anyway, Errata, can you turn my hair purple with that stuff?
ERRATA: What have you eaten today?
WITCHY: A muffin and about twenty frozen strawberries.
ERRATA: …It’s five PM.
WITCHY: So?
ERRATA: People don’t subsist on a muffin and frozen strawberries for an entire day!
WITCHY: I do! Besides; I woke up about six hours ago, I ate about four. Can you turn my hair rainbow or not?
ERRATA: You said purple.
WITCHY: No I didn’t~! I want rainbow hair. I’m pretty sure we have cupcakes in the fridge…
((HEY GUYS IDEA TIME
A song virus is suddenly unleashed upon the house. It’s incredibly contagious, and has no ill effects, except one (and that’s arguable):
1. Anyone infected is prone to break out into a song they know-complete with backing track coming from nowhere-that fits in with what they’re doing. Even if they really can’t normally sing; the virus makes them into decent singers.))
((cool.))
MIKAZUKI:*bursts into the room*
Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody’s help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I’m not so self assured,
Now I find I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won’t you please, please help me?
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I’ve never done before.
Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won’t you please, please help me.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody’s help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I’m not so self assured,
Now I find I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won’t you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.
WITCHY: *flat stare* …What. Mika, where did that backing track come from?
MIKA: I don’t know! I just broke out into song; and it was there.
AGGIE: Have you suddenly developed magical powers or something? Because that was weird.
MIKA: Anyway, I need some help. The fridge is broken, can you help me fix it?
WITCHY, AGGIE, AND ERRATA: Erm… Sure?
*all go downstairs*
FIREH: (coming in) Hey, Sudo? Neko? Oh and by the way Neko I think your name you were born with was Mira. I have no idea. You said something about that being your name once, when you were a kid. *shrugs* I can’t really remember my name, either. Huh. Oh yeah, have either of you seen any of the cats?
I know you’re probably watching me from across the room
concentrating contemplating on attacking me soon
You’re not invisible kitty, I’m gonna find you first
Come out come out before I make things worse
I’ve seen where you hide and I know where you’ve been
Hey kitty why don’t you give in
Even if you try to sneak up on me, I’m prepared
Cause I’ve got my safety gear on and I’m not scared
I think I hear a kitty cat under the bed
I know your making noises just to mess with my head
You can stalk me all you want, but I’m not your pray
cause you always seem to find me first, but not today
ENC: (walks in after) Fireh, any luck in finding Mittens, Silver, or Nobody? (blinks then bursts into song with Fireh)
Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite
Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite
Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite
Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
Come on out, I’m gonna get you now
SUDO/NEKO: (in unison) ….what?
FIREH: What the cake was that?!?!
ENC: Why did I suddenly burst into song?
SUDO: Why did you have a music track playing behind your voices?
NEKO: I didn’t think either of you were that good at singing! Huh.
FIREH: I am mildly offended by that.
NEKO: And Mika was singing earlier, too… This is weird.
FIREH/SUDO/ENC: Agreed.
((Does anybody remember Rainbowstar’s bunny version of that song?))
((-74 Awesome!
-76 I remember!))
(R101, AGGIE, ERRATA, and MIKA are fixing the fridge while WITCHY and SUDO are distracted by the singing of FIREH and ENC.))
R101: Good thing we got here before the food spoiled!
When the family assembles for Sunday dinner
With their minds made up that they won’t get thinner
On Argentine joint, potatoes and greens
And the cook will appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that is broken with sorrow,
“I’m afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow!
For the joint has gone from the oven like that!”
The family will say, “It’s that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!”
And most of the time they leave it at that!
(R101’s eyes go round, and the others look at her in surprise.)
R101: What the cake just happened?! I don’t sing that well!
AGGIE: Hey, Mika was singing before too! And where did that background music come from?
MIKA: And I’m a horrible singer too…
*WITCHY, SUDO, FIREH, and ENC burst in*
WITCHY: We’ve got a problem! We just went around the house, and most people are singing! We have no idea what’s going on!
*The faint sounds of opera music drift in*
(Everyone sits down to think it over.)
Rosebud2: *wanders in* Number nine… number nine… number nine… number nine…
WITCHY: I have a sudden feeling I’m at risk for this.
AGGIE: Oh, reeally?
WITCHY: No, really, I know the most songs-
Once I was hopeful-thought we were one
Life less than perfect
Finally begun
But now I wonder…are we undone?
I wanna treasure you in death as well as life
I wanna cut you with my love and with my knife
But can I live as your tormentor and your wife?!
When I am crazier than you
I’m crazier than you
And nothing up ’til now how proved me wrong
I’m crazier than you
That’s just the overview
So get on board or simply move along
(Aggie rolls her eyes.)
FIREH: So, Witchy, is there something you want to tell us about your relationship with Sudo?
WITCHY: Eeew! No! That’s incest!
R101: So now we just need someone to break into a dance number…you were just short of breaking into one with Sudo…
WITCHY: *violent blush* I’m not responsible for the wife lyric, okay?! It-it doesn’t mean anything! Ask my cat!
AGGIE: Wait, where did Sudo go anyway?
ENC: …Probably off to his room or the kitchen, in case this is contagious.
MIKA: If it is, someone’s been playing with the bio equipment again.
WITCHY: Oh, great…then I’m virus central…
What is this feeling,
So sudden and new?
I felt the moment
I laid eyes on you;
My pulse is rushing;
My head is reeling;
My face is flushing;
Oh, what is this feeling?
Fervid as a flame,
Does it have a name?
Yes! Loathing
Unadulterated loathing
For your face;
Your voice;
Your clothing;
Let’s just say – I loathe it all
Ev’ry little trait, however small
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl
With simple utter loathing
There’s a strange exhilaration
In such total detestation
It’s so pure, so strong!
Though I do admit it came on fast
Still I do believe that it can last
And I will be loathing
Loathing you
My whole life long!
(Witchy heaves a sigh.)
WITCHY: Wellll. Finally, some appropriate music.
FIREH: …You just sang a two-person song by yourself.
AGGIE: Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s impossible. You were singing both parts at once!
I find it hard to believe no one would notice if I wandered in whilst singing a creepy song featuring sounds which it is not physically possible for humans to make…
I was working on this before you posted, sorry.
BOOKGIRL_ME: (walks in, yawning, then starts to sing)
Midday has broken,
like the first lunch-time
Pie on the table,
not even stale
‘Tis great for throwing,
’tis great for flinging,
beautiful pi-ies, fresh and unflung…
(When she realizes that she is singing, she stops and stares around wide-eyed)
WITCHY: Join the freaked-out club. We’ve been spontaneously bursting into song for hours now.
MIKAZUKI: Witchy just sung a duet by herself.
AGGIE: We still don’t know what’s causing it.
ERRATA: But everyone seems to be affected.
BOOKGIRL_ME: (*sings*) Am I still singing?
FIREH: Singing like a bird…
BOOKGIRL_ME:
Well this sounds quite bad,
because any more will drive me mad-
Do I smell- BUNNIES!
Still, I’m not going to panic,
even though they really annoy me,
Terrify better fits the spot,
Should I list the reasons why?
Well I don’t see why not
It’s that they bunnify and kill and steal and try to eat my pie,
Not to mention that “domination” thing that they always try,
That they won’t give us a little break won’t cease to aggravate,
And no-one besides us knows so they just can’t relate!
Oh, and remember that last time when we were having dinner and they tried to murder us?
And their pink fur honestly just drives me up a tree,
’cause even when depigmentized they really look ghastly,
But we’re stuck with their delusions and genocidal strivings,
And believe me that by far those aren’t the only things,
No, those aren’t the only things…
It all started, not in my time, but before,
and now we’re stuck with them forevermore!
I twant to make them pay, trying every way,
But those pesky little things just wont die…
So now that is why I hate them so and read these books so strange,
like “Killing bunnies 101” or “Depigmentizer dart range”,
See regardless what say-on this my feelings are quite clear,
they’re a pain on every day of every month of every year!
FIREH:
So you think that it’s that bunny and you really seem distressed!
It’s in the lab so maybe we can run some sort of test!
BOOKGIRL_ME:
I bet that it’s the bunny- no, I know that it’s the bunny,
will we ever have some quiet from those godforsaken pests?
I think it’s ’cause I’m feeling kinda peckish…
FIREH:
So let’s go get that bunny- I hope we find the answers soon!
BOOKGIRL_ME:
First pass a fork and tell me, is it already afternoon?
(Fireh gives her the fork and she digs into the pie)
AGGIE: Bunnies… It certainly wouldn’t be the first time.
BOOKGIRL_ME: They just ruined my day. Which you probably sort of noticed.
((Can someone sing Anya’s bunny song?))
ENC: I don’t think the bunny is making us burst into song.
FIREH: What is, then?
ENC: Dunno, but a bunny doesn’t seem to be the type to appreciate musicals.
WITCHY: The point is, what should be do?
ENC: A man’s gotta do
What a man’s gotta do.
Don’t plan the plan if you can’t follow through
All that matters: taking matters into your own hands
Soon I’ll control everything
My wish is your command
SUDO: Stand back, everyone
Nothing here to see!
Just immenant danger, in the middle of it, me!
Yes, Captain Hammer’s here, hair blowing in the breeze
The day needs my saving expertise!
A man’s gotta do
What a man’s gotta do.
Seems destiny ends with me saving you
The only doom that’s looming is you loving me to death
So I’ll give you a second to catch your breath.
FIREH: Thank you, Hammer-man
I don’t think I can
Explain how important it was that you stopped the van.
I would be splattered, I’d be crushed into debris!
Thank you sir, for saving me!
SUDO: Don’t worry about it.
A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do…
FIREH: You came from above…
ENC: Are you kidding?
SUDO: Seems destiny ends with me saving you..
FIREH: I wonder what you’re captain of…
ENC: What heist were you watching?
Stop looking at her like that!
SUDO: When you’re the best, you can’t rest, what’s the use?
FIREH: My heart is beating like a drum…
ENC: Did you notice that he threw you in the garbage?
SUDO: There’s arse needs kicking,
Some ticking bomb to defuse…
FIREH: Must, must be in shock…
ENC: I stopped the van!
The remote control was in my hand.
SUDO: The only doom that’s looming is you loving me to death…
FIREH: Assuming I’m not loving you to death…
ENC: Wha-atever.
SUDO: So I’ll give you a second to catch your breath.
FIREH: So please give me a second to catch my breath.
ENC: Balls.
WITCHY: Enc, did you really just say that?
ENC: I couldn’t help it! Seriously.
WITCHY: Oh, sure.
*bursts out laughing*
But whyyyyy do I have to sing Penny’s part? She’s too nice and good and non-evil!
*thinks*
*cackles*
*runs away*
WITCHY: Also? That was hideously romantic, even out-of-context. And why was Sudo Captain Hammer? You have the hair for it, Enc. I mean, if I had to sing Dr. Horrible, I’d end up singing Slipping…or Brand New Day…or On The Rise…
ENC: How can you even physically sing any of those?
WITCHY: Hence the invention of switching ranges in the middle of a song. Or maybe She’s A Rebel… (begins to mumble to herself, listing off songs as her eyes light up) Electricity…Something to Sing About…Funhouse…Are You Happy Now…Leave Me Alone, I’m Lonely…
FIREH: I’m pretty sure she’s a walking dictionary of songs. Do you even know what half of those are:
EVERYONE ELSE: Nope.
FIREH: My point exactly.
WITCHY: Morning Person…My Junk…Purple Summer…Don’t Do Sadness…Peek-A-Boo…Spell Bound…No Good Deed…Shut Up and Let Me Go…Grandfather…Rain on Your Parade…Mizzundaztood…Grace Kelly…Stuck in The Middle…Tree Hugger…
AGGIE: Are you finished yet?!
WITCHY: Well, that’s not counting the videogame soundtracks, but I’m not sure if that’s technically possible. I don’t sing instrumental THAT well. And then that’s just my favorites, really, I’m sure I know at least twice that…
BOOKGIRL: (stares) Everyone, grab her, she’s going back in her bedroom.
SUDO: …Why?
BOOKGIRL: If she knows that many songs, I fear for the pathetic remnants of our sanity.
ENC: Well, I guess we should ship her off to her room.
WITCHY: But I like singing!
ENC: Yes, but I doubt if we sang for that long I wouldn’t pick up that shiny, beautiful knife over there…
WITCHY: Yes, why I don’t I keep away from you. (She runs off.)
FIREH: Oh, you didn’t need to scare her like that…
ENC: Yes I did!
FIREH: True.
AGGIE: The problem remains- how do we stop this?
FIREH: Who wants to stop this? I love having background music!
ENC: Yeah! I agree! We should sing so when it goes away, we’ll have sung all we wanted to!
AGGIE: We should send you off so that you don’t destroy our sad remnants of sanity.
SUDO: Then I’m coming too! (ENC, FIREH, SUDO run off. Faint music plays.)
FIREH: I bet I know more songs than Witchy!
ENC: Me too.
SUDO: Me three!
FIREH: *bursts into song* I know better, and I still do…
I know better than I need you
Better than I want you
Better than to let my heart believe you
Better than to trust you
Better than to chase
A love that isn’t true
Because of you
I know better
And I still do… Yeah, yeah… I still do…
ENC: Why do I get the feeling that somehow the songs that we end up singing by accident are all kind of romance-based so far?
I’ve got a feeling
About you
I can’t stop dreaming
About you….*
*Fireh and Sudo shove a pillow into Enc’s face*
SUDO: I have no idea, but I think you might be right.
I have no idea why
But when I look into your eyes
My heart beats a little faster
It’s hard not to fall for you
When you smile the way you do
And I know you’d never look at me
But I can’t stop and you can’t see
This will never work
But I still can’t stop dreaming*… *claps hands over mouth in order to stop singing*
This will never work
You don’t even see me
*continues singing even though his hands are clamped over his mouth*
FIREH: *staring* Enc, I think you may have a point.
ENC: Oh good Muses…. Kokopelli, what have we ever done to you?!?
SUDO: *has finally managed to stop singing* This is scary.
((*These are songs I’ve written- does that count?))
((You wrote those? AWESOME.))
ENC: Either that, or slightly foreshadow-y…
(SUDO and FIREH stare.)
ENC: Uh… let’s try singing something non-romantic.
FIREH: So long and thanks for all the fish!
So sad that it should come to this!
We tried to warn you all, but oh dear!
You may not share our intellect!
Which might explain your disrespect!
For all the natural wonders that grow aroung you!
Your world’s about to be destroyed!
There’s no point getting all annoyed!
Sit back and let the planet dissolve around you!
So long, so long, so long and thanks! For all the fish!
SUDO: Nice, finally a non-romantic song.
ENC: This was a triumph
I’m making a note here:
Huge Success.
It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction!
Aperture Science
We do what we must
Because we can.
For the good of all of us
Except the ones who are dead
But there’s not use crying
Over every mistake
You just keep on trying
‘Til you run out of cake
And the science gets done
And you make a neat gun
For the people who are
Still Alive!
I’m not even angry.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned, it hurt because
I was so happy for you!
Now, these points of data
Make a beautiful line.
And we’re out of beta,
We’re releasing on time!
So I’m GLaD I got burned
Think of how much we learned.
For the people who are
Still Alive!
Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer
To stay inside.
Maybe you’ll find someone else
To help you!
Maybe Black Mesa.
That was a joke.
Ha, ha. Fat chance.
Anyway, this cake is great
It’s so delicious and moist.
Look at me still talking
When there’s Science to do.
When I look out there
It makes me GLaD I’m not you
I’ve experiments to run
There is research to be done
On the people who are
Still Alive!
And believe me, I am
Still Alive!
I’m doing Science and I’m
Still Alive!
And when you’re dying I’ll be
Still Alive!
And when you’re dead I will be
Still Alive!
Still Alive!
Still Alive.
FIREH: Since when did you need Autotune?
ENC: It just… popped in there. I couldn’t control it.
FIREH: Haaaaa…. ENC USES AUTOTUUUUUUUUNE! *yells loud enough for the whole house to hear*
I’m trying to memorize it…))
SUDO: *covering ears* Ow! My ears!
ENC: Was that really necessary?
Is it really necessary
Every single day
You’re making me more ordinary
In every possible way
This ordinary mind is broken
Was it me who was the fool….
FIREH: Yes, it was necessary, and I didn’t know you could sing that high!
ENC: I think I just stole Mika’s voice range.
Stealing my heart away
My heart’s breaking every day
Every time I think of you
A wonderful, miserable feeling
Is this what they call love?*
SUDO: Aaaand we’re back to the love songs.
FIREH: Ohhh dear….
ENC: Have a pie!
FIREH: These are probably the worst pies in London… *sings the whole song* ((I can’t remember the words.
ENC: That is completely unfair. You even had the backing track! NOT. FAIR.
FIREH: *smirks* It’s because I’m better than you.
ENC: You’re not better than me!
SUDO: I’m better than both of you, so there’s no point I’m arguing over second place.
You’re no better than me
We are equal you see
We were made to be
Together
Forever*
FIREH: Muses, Kokopelli, what have we ever done to you that we are punished so strangely????
What have I done to you
That you torture me so much
I have no recollection of wronging you
I tremble at your touch
Why are you capturing my heart
In tiny nets of words and motions
Why are you tearing me apart
Too many emotions
Battling inside….*
SUDO: ARGH!
((*Songs by me…. what can I say, I’ve been sitting at the keyboard in my room most of my spare time, if I’m not writing. It’s a strange feeling to have your own songs stuck in your head…))
WITCHY: *pops back in* Enc, I wasn’t sure it was possible to do that with a human voice. Besides the fact the singer’s female. And I’m pretty sure it’s impossible for you to sing that high.
FIREH: Ohh, you’re one to talk, little miss I-sang-a-duet-in-two-pitches-by-myself!
WITCHY: I argue it was on purpose. Besides, it’s my turn now-no, I’m not singing anything from High School Musical.
SUDO: So you-
WITCHY: Aaand I definitely didn’t watch them!
You are always trying to keep it real
I’m in love with how you feel
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you
We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But- (she cuts herself off by biting her tongue)
…I don’t know what that was, but I do know that I need to start purging romantic songs from my memory. What’s next? A love virus?
ENC: You’ll jinx it!
WITCHY: Nuh-uh!
She’s a rebel
She’s a saint
She’s salt of the earth
And she’s dangerous
She’s a rebel
Vigilante
Missing link on the brink
Of destruction
From Chicago to Toronto
She’s the one that they
Call old whatsername
She’s the symbol
of resistance
and she’s holding on my
heart like a hand grenade
Is she dreaming
what I’m thinking
Is she the mother of all bombs
gonna detonate
Is she trouble
like I’m trouble
make it a double
twist of fate
or a melody that
She sings the revolution
the dawning of our lives
she brings this liberation
that I just can’t define
nothing comes to mind
FIREH: SHUT. UP.
SUDO: Witch, I thought you were in your room.
WITCHY: You love me too much for that, right~?
ENC: Uh…
ALL THREE: No.
WITCHY: Besiiiides, I totally won there. None of you have sung a song that close to rocky.
ENC: I didn’t know you knew anything besides showtunes.
WITCHY: (does a happy rageface) Of course not.
MIKA: *pops into room* The virus is spreading like wildfire. Even Robert is singing!!!!!!
kin irono sora ha
hatahinai sora
kimi tonaga meta
nanimo iwazuni
senaka ni fureta
furueru yubi de
shizukani omou
yukogaomiage
tashikametai sono egao wo
kimi no sunomirai wo
tachitsukusite nakudake no jiburwo kesitiatte
te wo no hashi tara todokisou na hodo
souzou ja hai kano usei nara kitto soba ni aru
kanashimi mo zenbu chikara ni kaete
genkai nanka nai jikan no hate ni sugiteshimau
kenu kimi wo mezauu tame
toyo ni kaze no naka mo
mada su ideyukui yo
WITCHY: …was that Japanese?!
MIKA: Umm…maybe? Oh hey, that was Noein’s opener!!!! And I don’t even have that memorized yet!
FIREH: How on earth did you manage to sing in that whispery tone of voice, anyway?!
MIKA: The same way that Witchy can sing a duet.
SUDO: Maybe someone should go check the lab equiptment…
(R101 runs in.)
R101: This is great! I can actually sing without people telling me to shut up!
Up, up, up, past the Russell Hotel.
Up, up, up, up, to the Heaviside Layer.
Up, up, up, past the Jellicle Moon
Up, up, up, up, to the Heaviside Layer.
(R101’s eyes grow wide.)
Oh no! Not that song! I’ll never get it out of my head!
As above, so below. Place your bets,
Which way the head will roll!
Made in your image, we are at least
As twisted and mean as thee.
‘Fore your eyes, what a curious sight!
Your children have turned on you.
And, you say, you don’t sleep well at night?
Well, we’ll take care of that for you!
Belle Marie Antoinette,
Love the pearls
They’ll make a great tourniquet!
Never did as you should, and you claim
It was all for our very own good.
‘Twas a lie! A magnificent lie.
Now, your subjects have turned on you!
And, you claim, you had lots on your mind.
Well, we’ll take care of that for you!
Get that damn thing off her neck!
I’m the head of the board, now I’m bored of her head.
Sharpen up the blade, boys.
What are you waiting for?
Here’s where we all get ahead!
Wipe that damn smile off your face!
Or we’ll lop it off clean with our new guillotine.
Sharpen up the blade boys! What are you waiting for?
Here’s where we all get ahead!
All my troubles, all my pain
Stems from this thing that you call a “brain”!
Be my guest, sever me from the source of all my agony.
What a shame, I’ve forgotten my name
Without the use of my brain, and
My, bet I’ll sleep well tonight
Without this head of mine!
Get this damn thing off my neck!
I’m the head of the board now I’m bored of my head.
Sharpen up the blade, boys.
What are you waiting for?
Here’s where we all get ahead!
Wipe that damn smile off your face!
Or we’ll lop it off clean with our new guillotine.
Sharpen up the blade, boys.
Bells are now tolling, soon heads will be rolling.
Please Sir, for me, Sir,
Won’t you see if you see, Sir?
Oh dear, I dread
I seem to have lost my head.
I think I left it about,
It fell to the ground
And I kicked it around.
Has anyone seen, no need to be mean,
My bloody, fat, ugly head?
Please Miss, for me, Sis,
Won’t you see if you see, Sis?
It’s got black hair,
And it’s kickin’ about in the square.
I’m really not totally sure, but
I think that it might have rolled into the sewer.
Has anyone seen, no need to be mean,
My bloody, fat, ugly head?
Wait, what?!? I just sang a guy’s song! And I always sing “brown hair” instead of “black hair”! What’s going on?
MIKA: Nobody knows, it seems like we can sort of sing songs, and yet we’re not actually singing them… See, I can sort of make myself sing this song, Fiddler’s Green:
As I walked by the docks one evening so fair,
To view the still waters and take the salt air
I spied an old fisherman singing this song:
“Oh take me away boys my time is not long.”
Wrap me up in my oilskins and jumpers
No more on the docks I’ll be seen
please tell my old shipmates I’m taking a trip mates
I’ll see you some day on Fiddler’s Green
Now Fiddler’s Green is a place I’ve heard tell
Where fishermen go if they don’t go to hell
Where the weather is fair and the dolphins do play
And the cold coast of England is far far away
Wrap me up in my oilskins and jumpers
No more on the docks I’ll be seen
please tell my old shipmates I’m taking a trip mates
I’ll see you some day on Fiddler’s Green
And when you’re in dock and the long trip is through
There’s pubs and there’s clubs and there’s lassies there too
The girls are all pretty and the beer is all free
And there’s bottles o’ rum growing on every tree
Wrap me up in my oilskins and jumpers
No more on the docks I’ll be seen
please tell my old shipmates I’m taking a trip mates
I’ll see you some day on Fiddler’s Green
Oh I don’t want a harp, nor a halo, not me,
Just give me a breeze and the good rollin’ sea,
I’ll play me old squeeze-box as we sail along
On the J and E riggin’, just singin’ this song
…But that wasn’t my voice. I have a low range, I can’t go that high. And that song usually requires instruments…
R101: (With slightly shocked look on face) Yeah! did you hear that long music introduction and the music break in the middle? I was singing the instumentals! And when I sang that song from Cats, I sang with more than one voice! And I can’t go nearly half that high!
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high-
(Yelling) No no! Stop! I hate that song!
WITCHY: Suuuudo, this is the best thing to ever happen to this household-
ENC: I assume you’re not including what Randomosity just sang?
WITCHY: Yep. But anyway, this is the best thing to ever happen to us! Can’t you see? Why would you want to find out how to stop it?!
I don’t have a sunny disposition
I’m not known for being too amused
My demeanor’s locked in one position
See my face? I’m enthused.
Suddenly, however, I’ve been puzzled
Bunny rabbits make me want to cry
All my inhibitions have been muzzled
And I think I know why
I’m being pulled in a new direction
But I think I like it
I think I like it
I’m being pulled in a new direction
Through my painful pursuit
Somehow birdies took root
All the things I detested impossibly cute
God! What do I do?
All you always said be kind to strangers
But none of you know how you were wrong
I can feel the clear and present dangers
When you learn that the songs…
Have got me pulled in a new direction
But I think I like it
I think I like it
I’m being pulled in a new direction
But this feeling I know is impossible, so
I’ll confide that I’ve tried but I can’t let it go
It’s disgustingly true!
Pulled, pulled, pulled-
Puppy dogs with droopy faces
Unicorns with dancing mice
Sunrise in wide open spaces
DisneyWorld-I’ll go there twice!
Butterflies and picnic lunches
Bunches of chrysanthamums
Lollipops and pillow fights and christmas eve
Sugarplums!
String quartets and Webkinz pets,
And afternoon banana splits,
Angels watching as I sleep,
And even Green Day’s Greatest Hits
Have got me pulled in a new direction!
If they keep insisting, I’ll stop resisting
Just watch me pulled in a new direction
I should stay in the dark
Not obey every spark
But the boy has a bite
Better far than his bark
And you bet I’ll bite too
Do what’s truly taboo
As I’m pulled in a new direction!
MIKA: …That was totally a dance number.
FIREH: Yeah, it was.
SUDO: No comment!
WITCHY: AAARGH! None of you understand: this is the. Best. Thing. That. Has. Ever happened to me! Why don’t you get it?! All the romantic songs have got to mean something: have any of us broken out into a song with a meaning completely separate from what we think. Someone just needs to engineer a love virus to make everyone fall in love with each other-
R101: (clamps hand on Witchy’s mouth) You’ll jinx it! We don’t need a love virus!
FIREH: *rolls eyes* Witchy, you’ve gone insane, I think. *launches into song*
This is a song about love, and not a very good one
I don’t know enough to tell you about heartbreak
But I know it’s there, and you can avoid it
By listening to your head
Which is just what I’ve done, and it isn’t perfect
But look what I’ve done instead, instead of falling for you
(ENC joins in, grinning)
ENC: I love this song!
FIREH and ENC:
I’ve never really been in love and that is fine by me
I’ll sit at home and refine the person I want to be
‘Cause I’m still young and not yet prepared to waste my time
On chasing girls who are yet to fully form their minds
And I know that there’s a woman waiting, but she’s not a woman yet
So I’ll wait, and make sure I don’t do something I’ll regret
This isn’t just about love, ’cause that’s just one pixel
Of the image I’m speaking of, the one of the relationship
That we share, it’s much more important
That I learn to like you too
Though I guess before that, it’s probably vital
That I try to look for you, at least look for me
I’ve never really been in love and that is fine by me
I’ll sit at home and refine the person I want to be
‘Cause I’m still young and not yet prepared to waste my time
On chasing girls who are yet to fully form their minds
And I know that there’s a woman waiting, but she’s not a woman yet
So I’ll wait, and make sure I don’t do something I’ll regret
I could tell you that I love you all you want till I’m dry
But I can’t force myself to love you so why should I even try
I’ll have to wait, and hold my chin up, and plug away at other things
Until she comes
FIREH: Yay! It’s a “song about love”, but NOT a romantic one! *grins*
ENC: *high fives Fireh* How about another Charlie song now?
FIREH: Sure!
ENC: I am you
FIREH: You are me
ENC/FIREH: Together we make a perfect charlie
FIREH: And when I’m feeling down
ENC/FIREH: We know that we will always be around
Our relationship is complicated
Sometimes it’s hard to remember
That you’re even there
But when I feel I’m being hated
Feeling lonely in December
Facing hardships that we can’t bare
FIREH: You’ll help me come through the other side
You build up my confidence, and raise my pride
Together there’s nothing that I can’t face
Just as long as we embrace ourselves
ENC: It’s just a shame that I hate you
You’re insufferable, your acne’s terrible
Your sunny dispossession is completely unbearable
And worst of all, you’ve got no friends
They’re just on the internet
You’re a waste of space, you’ve got no life
Got a mole on your face, you should take a knife
To your head, and do it before I do it instead
FIREH: You’re that perfect either, mate
In fact you’re way too easy to hate
What 19 year old can’t get a date
I guess it’s fate, that you’ll never find a soul mate
You’re going to die alone, on your own
Making crappy YouTube videos
ENC: I am you
FIREH: You are me
ENC/FIREH: Together we make an
Unfit, spotty, neurotic, unfunny, forgetful, weedy, Charlie
ENC: And when I’m feeling down
ENC/FIREH: We know that we, will only ever have each other around
FIREH: Our relationship is complicated
Sometimes it’s hard to remember
That you’re even there
ENC: But when I feel I’m being hated
Feeling lonely in December
Facing hardships that we can’t bare
FIREH: You’ll help me come through the other side
You build up my confidence, and raise my pride
Together there’s nothing that I can’t face
Just as long as we embrace ourselves
ENC: You know that I really love you
FIREH: I really love you too
ENC: Yes, even though it’s vain, I feel the same
FIREH: You need to be able to love yourself
ENC/FIREH: But not in that way, what way?
*both start laughing*
FIREH: Hey, I wonder if we happened to be holding ukeleles would we be able to play them? *grabs random ukelele*
ENC: I don’t know, let’s try! *grabs ukulele*
FIREH: He is like fire, burning through time….
*everyone else rolls eyes*
WITCHY: More DW obsession?
ENC: AND Charlie obsession.
FIREH: As old as forever…
ENC: But fast in his prime!
I saw his blue spaceship materialize
FIREH: He looked out and said to me “Run for your life!
ENC&FIREH: I don’t know why I never thought to ask him for his name
But I really don’t think he’d have told me the truth anyway
But you know, that’s ok
It’s completely terrifying but it’s so so exciting
He said I was brilliant and I could change the world
So many places I’ve been and there’s so much more to see
We’ve got galaxies and planets and moons
And an awful lot of running to do
As a full-time companion he gave me a key
And a phone with a signal in every galaxy
As we fell through the vortex I felt so free
Please don’t let this danger just be another dream
Because my life before you was unreasonably mundane
I’ve never been happier although we face death every day
I wouldn’t have it any other way
It’s completely terrifying but it’s so so exciting
He said I was brilliant and I could change the world
So many places I’ve been and there’s so much more to see
We’ve got galaxies and planets and moons
And an awful lot of running to do
ENC: You know you can fix that chameleon circuit if you just try hotwiring the fragment links and superseding the binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary *gasp*
FIREH: (Performs ukelele solo that sounds suspiciously like an electric guitar)
ENC and FIREH: It’s completely terrifying but it’s so so exciting
He said I was brilliant and I could change the world
So many places I’ve been and there’s so much more to see
We’ve got galaxies and planets and moons
And an awful lot of running … to do
R101: I still think this is one of the best things that ever happened to me, I’ll just have to control what I sing. It shouldn’t be too hard, seeing as I already had the urge to sing any song that got stuck in my head, wheather I liked the song or not.
WITCHY: But that means you’ve been stopping yourself from singing about 70% of the time you’re awake! And you still sing a lot!
R101: (smiling) That’s right. Wait! What if this new musical ability allows me to finish writing the songs I’ve been working on? I would finally be able to finish I Don’t Pledge Allegiance and Song of a Homicidal Maniac! That would be so awesome!
(EVERYONE stares at R101 except R101.)
R101: What?
((How do you spell that “Flamamblam” something-or-other word?))
Flam-a-blam-a-blous.
Thanks!
ENC: Those sound like awesome song titles! Can I hear them?
AGGIE: Why is it that we’re feeling this incredible urge to sing?
ENC: I feel that it’s for no discernible reason.
R101: I reason that this feeling is undiscernible.
WITCHY: I discern that this fantasy is indescribable.
AGGIE: Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality…
R101: Well Enceladus, they’re not finished. And I’m worried some people might find the intro to I Don’t Pledge Alligence slightly offensive.
ENC: Anti-patriotic?
R101: That too. Hey, can you help me? I’m trying to think of something suitably snarky that rhymes with “corrupt”.
((What if there was a love virus going around, on top of the singing virus?))
((Midsummer Nights’ Dream style (fall in love with the first person you see upon waking up), or other type?))
((Either one! Or it could be something like this:
??? falls in love with the first person en sees wearing purple, while another person falls in love when en sees blue. The person falls in love back. The effects are temporary, they last 24 hours and then go away.))
((No! No! Please, no love virus!
GAPAs, was that a Talk Like a Pirate Day edit? I don’t think I typed it like that.))
Not sure which “that” you’re referring to, but in any case, moderation space has also been taken over by the pirate plugin, so we don’t see anything different from what you see here.
((Sorry, I meant my post. It’s been changed back now, so it must have been the plugin.))
((I just realised something. If you did create a love virus, unless it totally changed personalities, it probably wouldn’t effect me.))
((It wouldn’t change personalities. Maybe it wouldn’t effect everyone, just most people. However, it would make a good excuse for singing love songs!))
((Can I P*EASE be the one of the ones who isn’t affected by the love virus and stands around wondering what the heck is wrong with everyone?))
((Sure! So, who are the people who are more involved with this thread? Enc, Fireh, Sudo, Mika, Witchy, Randomosity. Kai, Bookgirl_me, Aggie, Errata, Pie Girl, Selenium, Rosebud, Fishi, Luna, Beedle, Zinnober, Fantasy Fan, LBK, Kiwimuncher, Silver Lining, Cromwell, Speller, Spelluna, Oxlin, Tesseract, Maths Lover, Piggy, Silver Leopard, Bibliophile. (Basically, anyone who has ever posted on this thread at all. Sorry if I missed anyone.) So, that’s 30 people, so maybe there should be around 5 people who aren’t affected?))
((Can I not be affected by the virus, too? Thanks.))
((So, Randomosity, Kai, and Selenium. Two more people…))
((If it’s like Midsummer Night’s Dream, somebody should fall in love with the coelacanth, just for the comedy.))
((That would be hilarious!))
((So have we decided what kind of a love virus are we going to have?))
((Can I–Luna-half here–not be affected, either? Thanks.))
I’d rather not be affected as well. Thanks!
((Suggest your pairings here!
Fireh/Enc
Kai/coelacanth
I’m probably just going to grab Sudo, because he is the best person one could ever mess with. Witchy/Sudo))
((Hey, I’d grab Sudo too. We’d probably fight over him.))
((I lol’ed.
Fireh/Enc/Sudo/Witchy
So much like Midsummer Night’s Dream! I’d totally be the hated admirer.))
((Wow I’m POPULAR.
I’m trying to decide who I’d rathe be in love with… Probably Fireh, so that none of us are in love with someone who loves them back… I dunno.))
((No, non, I’m not affected, I’m the one wondering why the heck this crazy person is blowing kisses at my coelacanth.))
((Even though I wish to remain unaffected, it might be amusing if someone likes me (I know, fat chance). That is as long as they don’t mind a, how should I put this? A food fight.))
I’d be affected by the virus, but if nobody’s available I can be enamored with an inanimate object.
((I’m potentially available, I think. :?))
((That works! xD))
((Sudo is the local Casanova, it seems, so his choice. ;)))
((I think I shall be in love with one of someone’s pets.))
(( I don’t care. Just don’t murder me, and your fine.))
I’m involved? Well, I haven’t actually written anything at all so far, just posted Fireh’s original trailer, but it might be fun to fall in love with a coelacanth… I actually used to be obsessed with them (though obviously not that way), so it fits. I think I’ll do that.
((Does anyone have a boy cat I could fall in love with? Also, Bibliophile, I just grabbed the names of anyone who had ever posted on this thread. But now you’re involved even more!
))
((I can have a male cat if no-one else does… Wait, I think some of the cats mentioned in the beginning (Silver and Nobody) had unspecified genders! If Nobody is male, you may want to be in love with him.))
Yeah. FIREH AND ENC, ARE SILVER AND NOBODY MALE OR FEMALE?
Your choice, unless F+H says otherwise.
((I shall go slightly crazy over Nobody then, if you don’t mind.))
((Grimmd is male, but I have a feeling he would scratch your face off if you tried anything…. Actually, that might be funny.))
ENC: Nope, sorry.
R101: Ah, well. It’s OK. Kay, cake… This was a triumph.
ENC: (Looks startled.) I’m making a note here, huge success.
R101: It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.
ENC: Aperture Science.
R101: We do what we must because we can
ENC: For the good of all of us
R101: Except the ones who are dead.
ENC: But there’s no use crying over every mistake.
R101: You just keep on trying ’til you run out of cake!
ENC: And the science gets done,
R101: And you make a neat gun
ENC: For the people who are
BOTH:Still Alive!
R101: I’m not even angry.
ENC: I’m being so sincere right now.
R101: Even though you broke my heart,
ENC: And killed me.
R101: And tore me to pieces.
ENC: Threw every piece into a fire.
R101: As they burned, it hurt because
ENC: I was so happy for you!
R101: Now these points of data
ENC: Make a beautiful line.
R101: And we’re out of beta,
ENC: We’re releasing on time!
R101: So I’m GLaD I got burned!
ENC: Think of all the things we learned
R101: For the people who are
BOTH: Still Alive!
ENC: Go ahead and leave me.
R101: I think I prefer
ENC: To stay inside.
R101: Maybe you’ll find someone else
ENC: To help you.
R101: Maybe Black Mesa!
ENC: That was a joke.
R101: Ha ha. Fat chance.
ENC: Anyway, this cake is great.
R101: It’s so delicious and moist!
ENC: Look at me still talking
R101: When there’s science to do!
ENC: When I look out there,
R101: It makes me GLaD I’m not you!
ENC: I’ve experements to run,
R101: There is research to be done
ENC: On the people who are
BOTH: Still Alive!
R101: And believe me, I am
BOTH: Still Alive!
Enc: I’m doing science, and I’m
BOTH: Still Alive!
R101: I feel FANTASTIC, and I’m
BOTH: Still Alive!
Enc: When you’re dying I’ll be
BOTH: Still Alive!
R101: And when you’re dead I will be
BOTH: Still Alive!
Enc: Still Alive!
R101: Still Alive!
WITCHY: So… You just sang the Portal Cake Song as a duet? And both in the voice of GLaDOS?
R101: (Confused by own singing incedent) Apparently…
((Someone please do something! The last two posts that weren’t about the possible new virus are mine, and I don’t think that’s a good thing!))
((So what are the pairings for the love virus thing?))
((Well, on one hand, we have Fireh/Enc/Sudo/Witch/Aggie…
Everyone’s going with Sudo, though; so it’s more like Fireh/Enc, Enc/Sudo, I’m Sudo’s hated admirer, and then you’re in a Sudo/Aggie/Fireh triangle~))
((Wait… so in the Sudo/Aggie/Fireh triangle, who is in love with who? Am I in love with Aggie, or Fireh? Is Aggie in love with me, or Fireh? Is Fireh in love with me, or Aggie?))
((Aggie’s in love with you (and me to make it work), Fireh is in love with Enc, Enc is probably in love with you as far as I can tell, and then I’m just randomly pining after you with some falling in love with Fireh in there. You’re in love with either Aggie or Fireh.
There! We’re a self-contained love pentagon!
@Aggie: depends on if he’s in love with you or Fireh. Fireh isn’t in love with him, but you are. Here’s a list of who everyone’s in love with in this pentagon:
Sudo: either Aggie or Fireh
Witch: Sudo, Fireh
Aggie: Witch, Sudo
Enc: Sudo and Aggie(?)
Fireh: Enc, nobody else(?)
I’m pointing out that Sudo is the local Casanova, and I’m just dreadfully unlucky.))
((I’ll fall in love with Aggie so we can have one disgustingly happy couple in the script.))
((Oh my gosh, this is going to be so much fun.
))
((I was thinking that it was
Sudo: Aggie, F+H
Witch: Sudo
Aggie: Sudo
Enc: Sudo, F+H
F+H: Sudo))
Can I be in love with a girl?
Why not?
((This is delightfully confusing.
So I’m after Sudo, then? Are the ‘feelings’ reciprocated?))
((Yup. Wow, this is going to be amusing to read…))
((Also, Bibliophile is in love with the coelacanth, I’m obsessed with Nobody(The cat) ))
(It is morning in the Embi household. Many MBers are still in bed, although a few are just waking up.)
MIKA: *gets up* *goes to kitchen* *yawns* Hello, Nobody. Do you want breakfast? *gives cat food* Nobody… Well, aren’t you a pretty kitty?
NOBODY: Meeeow?
MIKA: Your fur is so glossy. May I pet you?
NOBODY: Purrrrrr…
MIKA: AWWW. *Huggles* Do you want more food? Ohh, yes. *Huggles more* Now, let’s see… *Feeds Nobody whipped cream* Do you like that?
NOBODY: purr, purr, PURR!
MIKA: Or would you prefer some cream? Aww, whosmycutewiddlenobodypoo? *Strokes*
NOBODY: *Rubs up against Mika*
MIKA: *kisses* Shall we get married, Nobody?
SELENIUM (Who has been watching most of this): Um, what the cake are you doing?!
MIKA: Isn’t Nobody so handsome? Awww… *huggles*
SELENIUM: Ummmm…
((So, just to recap. The love virus and the song virus are going on at the same time, right?))
((Song virus ended the day before the love virus.))
((Ah man! I thought you liked it! I sure did!))
((I did, but managing both isn’t gonna happen; just say it wore off and we were saddened.))
((Then why can’t we have that without the love virus?))
((Because.
And the song virus is actually getting tiring; so everyone getting up can notice that they’re not be bursting into song.))
((Ah, cakeness… Hey, I just had an idea! Can non-humans be affected by the virus too?))
((No.
Question: Am I just contradicting you to be contradictory?
Answer: Maybe.
:D))
((No the answer to your queestion is: No, you’re just no fun.))
Wings: So you’re looking for a hero
That you can see with your own eyes
When they don’t wear the mask and cape
They’re hard to recognize
Even though these are cynical times
Bear it in mind
Good guys win
Every once in while
Full grown men
Get to learn from a child
Now and then
Just when you think it won’t happen again
The good guys win
Trouble all around us
Dirty tricks at every turn
Seems that we historically
Refuse to live and learn
You start to wonder if all
Hope is gone
You would be wrong
Good guys win
Every once in while
Full grown men
Get to learn from a child.
Now and then
Just when you think it won’t happen again
Good guys win.
State of confusion we’re so disillusioned
You turn on the news and
Good guys win
Now and then
Just when you think it won’t happen again
Good guys win
Every once in while
Full grown men
Get to learn from a child
Now and then
Just when you think it won’t happen again
The Good guys win.
FISHI: Why are you singing Jimmy Buffet?
Wings: No clue.
Nobody: * wanders in*
MIKI: Come on my love! Don’t miss our date!
((The song virus is over, See post 99.1.1.1.1.1))
((Can I sing for fun than?I want to sing one more song.))
((No. I said no, and that is it. Listen to your iPod and sing along; have everyone panic about it for a minute.
I figured out how we can change our names: it’s a bit like wolves in the webcomic Housepets. They remain, technically, unnamed until they become legal adults: then they’re allowed to name themselves. But in the meantime; they go by whatever they want to.))
((
I Midsummer day’s dream… Could I fall in love with a guy and not an animal though? Otherwise I can chase after anyone. I’ll probably make a fool of myself enough anyway 
There should be a moment at the end though where everyone snaps out of it and goes “eww” (except in some cases). ))
((Yes.
Fall in love with Enc; I suppose.))
((So, everybody’s falling in love with everybody else, and we’re not allowed to sing anymore… SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?? (Sorry for yelling.)))
((
1. Fall in love with somebody and/or something.
2. Sing. (Be warned, though: We will all yell at you and get really annoyed. And possibly toss you to the bugbladder beast of Traal.)
3. Weeelll…
4. Come up with some plot…
5. Write a scene.
6. Calllm doownn. Calm calm calm. Calm lands. AHAHAHA. FFX RULES
7. Bake a pie.
8. Give Grimmd a makeover.
9. Ermmm…
10. Brush your hair?))
((1. See post 95.3
2. Hmm.. That might be interesting.
3. Was that supposed to help?
4. My idea of a plot generally is causing mayhem… Actually, I may be able to make the love virus work to my advantage in that respect.
5. See 4.
6. Erm…
7. I would do that no matter what happened!
8. Why would I give a makeover to my cat, who by the way is as tempermental as I am? I don’t fancy having to have my face reconstructed.
9. See 3.
10. You honestly expect me to put something so mundane on this thread?
Actually, this random babble made me think of something non sequiter enough to be worth thinking on… Be back eventually!))
((Work iiiiiit~ :D))
((Would you be referring to #4?))
SilverLeopard: *is reading up in her room and singing softly to herself* ((The song virus has contained itself in my room, where I have been locked up eating nothing but peanut butter sandwiches and nimm2 candies and reading lotsandlotsandlotsandlots of books)) “We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, a yel-”
A Whole Lot Of MBers: BE QUIET AND SHUT UP!!!
SilverLeopard: Isn’t that overkill?
SudoRandom: Multiple exclamation points is a sign of insanity.
SL: *opens window* *song virus flies away into Tammy’s bedroom window* *pokes head out of room* Hi everyone! *surveys the disaster zone*
Mika: Oh, Nobody… you look so divine today…
Random MBer: *blows a kiss to the coelacanth*
Kai: *give MBer a strange look* SL, do you have any idea what’s going on?
SL: I haven’t the slightest idea. oxlin, may I please have my pie?
Tammy: *sings a loud and annoying song in a loud and annoying voice*
Everyone In The Embi Household: BE QUIET AND SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I have a really stupid idea for one of us to wonder what happened to the virus and then turn on the news and see senators singing and dancing inside of the Capitol.)
((No, that’s funny!!!))
((That’s funny. Do it.))
That’s awesome. As long as you work it in properly.
R101: Oh, Blackbeard the pirate,
You know for what he’s feared?
It’s mostly for the dark
imposing color of his beard.
He saw the beast
And now nobody’s scared of him because….
*background music stops*
His beard turned white,
and all agree
he looked like Santa Claus!
Oh, don’t you-
What the cake?! The music stopped! And I sound like me again!
RANDOM MBER: *pokes head in room* The virus seems to have localized! It just migrated from Tammy’s room to mine!
R101: *runs to RANDOM MBER’s room*
I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves!
Everybody’s nerves!
Everybody’s nerves!
I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves,
and this is how it goes:
ALL MBERS IN EARSHOT: Oh, SHUT UP!
((PLEASE SOMEBODY POST SOMETHING! THIS THREAD IS TOO WONDERFUL TO DIE!))
((SFTDP One chocolate pie to the next ten people to post!))
((Why don’t we take gimmicks away? No love virus, no song virus, just go to the next day and just write again.
This thread was basically my brainchild, and we need to write without gimmicks.))
THE NEXT MORNING, BECAUSE THAT TOTALLY ISN’T AN OVERUSED CLICHE
RANDOMOSITY: *knocks on Witch’s door* Hey, can I come in?
(No response.)
RANDOMOSITY: …Whatever. *opens the door, revealing Witch curled up on her bed, rocking out and airguitaring to music from her iPod Touch*
(Awkward silence ensues for about ten seconds. One of Witch’s earbuds falls out, blasting American Idiot by Green Day.)
RANDOMOSITY: That’s not showtunes.
WITCH: *frantic* YOU HEARD NOTHING. I only listen to showtunes. Showtunes, showtunes, showtunes! I just downloaded Putnam Country Spelling Bee! *turns off her iTouch, pausing the music* Showtunes are my life, Random! Why would I listen to anything ELSE? Y-you’re hearing things!
RANDOMOSITY: But-
WITCH: OUT OUT OUT OUT. *pushes Randomosity out*
RANDOMOSITY: …What was that? *walks downstairs*
RANDOMOSITY: Hey, SilverLeopard, Witch is-
SILVER: Didn’t she tell you she changed her name again?
RANDOMOSITY: Really?
SILVER: Yeah, it’s Thief of Light now. She also grabbed everybody’s phones and changed her name on them to rainbowAssassin for some reason. She’s probably obsessed with something now; I can’t tell what it is.
RANDOMOSITY: Huh. Anyway! She’s in a really weird mood. She wasn’t even listening to showtunes.
SILVER: *giggle* Ooh, our little Thief has a dirty little secret!
RANDOMOSITY: Don’t call her that. Thief? Honestly?
SILVER: She changed her name, remember? I don’t know why. Sometimes I regret the fact that we have the name-changing booth over in the living room.
((That’s a good idea. I mean, we sort of have to have some plotline, but maybe if more people came back we could start it…or not. Or whatever. I think a lot of people are really busy with NaNo right now though, I should not be on here. *attempts to write a scene* *fails*…my brain is fried. I need to go write. *leaves*))
((Eh, Thief is sort of a cliche version of me. She’s a little spazzier and outgoing, and a factspouter.
“I’m composed of 60 percent water!”
She occasionally competes with Sudo for randomest saying. He’s currently won with “someone turned on the dark”, because she wishes she could sound that odd.
So yeah. If you have time, write an addition to this.))
((I’ll be writing scenes on here once November’s over quite a bit (I love this thread!).))
((107- I agree with that idea. The gimmicks are getting tiresome, even to me.))
R101: Actually, “Thief” isn’t too bad. She’s Thief of Light, right? Maybe I could start calling her “The Darkside’s Little Mugger.” Hmm…
SL: Uh…
R101: Oh, about her secret, could you burst in on her unexpectedly? I’d love to know exactly what music she’s hiding…
SL: Wait, you didn’t know?
R101: Didn’t I tell you I only listen to one singer? It’s definitely not showtunes, though. Could you please identify it for me?
SL: Uh… I guess.
R101: Great! Could you tell me when you see me next?
*R101 begins to exit stage left*
SL: Where are you going?
R101: I’ve finally started working on my FanFic again!
SL: Not the one you started last summer about a homicidal cat?
R101: That’s the one! I’m totally rewriting it, and it actually seems to be working! Bye.
*R101 exits*
((So now we’ll just send the virus safely away…))
Luna: So the song virus just left?
Aggie: Yeah, it’s gone. We’re not singing anymore.
Luna: But where did it go?
Aggie: *shrugs* Beats me.
*Kai walks past*
Kai: Hey, anybody want to watch NASA TV on my laptop? They’re doing a budget vote at the Capitol and it helps to have somebody to talk to during the boring debatey parts.
Luna: Sorry, Doctor Who’s going to be on in five minutes.
Aggie: Yeah, no offense, but we don’t really like that C-SPAN type of stuff.
Kai: Oh, no problem. It’s fine.
*Kai walks into next room, sits down in armchair and opens laptop*
*Selenium walks by*
Selenium: What are you watching?
Kai: Senate vote to aprove NASA’s new budget.
Selenium: More money or less?
Kai: More, if it passes. So far, the majority’s in favor.
Selenium: Wicked!
*Both watch screen*
Female Senator: Really, we have to consider essentials before anything else. I think we should wait until we’ve tackled problems like the critical yo-yo polish shortage in Hawai’i before we worry about spaceflight. It’s simply disgraceful to spend billions on peaceful technological awesomeness when American children are being forced to go about with unpolished yo-yos!
Clerk: Thank you, Ms. And now, we’ll vote.
*Scientist 1 stands up*
Scientist 1: Are you aware that most yo-yos manufactured today are plastic and thus do not need polish? And another thing, Senator-
*Music starts*
Scientist 1: You cant stop an avalanche
As it races down the hill.
You can try to stop the seasons, girl,
But ya know you never will.
And you can try to stop our marchin’ feet
But we just cannot stand still!
Cause the world keeps spinnin’
Round and round.
And my heart’s keeping time
To the speed of sound.
I was lost ’til I heard the drums
Then I found my way-
*Counter shows votes “For” or “Against”, the number “For” is growing*
*Scientist 2 stands up with Scientist 1*
Scientists 1 and 2 and Other People: ‘Cause you can’t stop the beat!
Ever since this old world began
We’ve been lookin’ up there,
We’ve been makin’ our plans
And so we’re gonna shake and shimmy it
The best that we can today
‘Cause you can’t stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But I never ask why
And if you try to hold us down
We’re gonna spit in your eye and sa-aaayyy-
That you can’t stop the beat!
Scientist 1: You can’t stop a river
As it rushes to the sea
Scientist 2: You can try and stop the hands of time
But ya know it just can’t be
Scientist 1: And if they try to stop us here now,
They’ll be fighting his-tor-ee!
Cause the world keeps spinning
Round and ’round
And my heart’s keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost ’til I heard the drums
Then I found my way-
Scientists 1 and 2 and Other People: Cause you can’t stop the beat!
Ever since we first saw the light
Men and women wanna fly
Out into the night
And so we’re gonna shake and shimmy it
With all our might today
‘Cause you cant stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
You can try to stop the paradise
We’re dreamin’ of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of our one true love today
‘Cause you cant stop the beat!
*Counter is tied, with an equal number of “For” and “Against”*
*Pilot stands up*
Pilot: You can’t stop our happiness
At a giant leap for man
And you just can’t stop my racin’ heart
When I look, at this new plan
So if you don’t like the way this is
Well, I think you’d better scram-
‘Cause the world keeps spinning
Round and ’round
And my heart’s keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost ’til I heard the drums
Then I found my way-
Pilot and Other People: ‘Cause you can’t stop the beat!
Ever since this old world began
We’ve been lookin’ up there,
We’ve been makin’ our plans
And so we’re gonna shake and shimmy it
The best that we can today
‘Cause you cant stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But I never ask why
And if you try to hold us down
We’re gonna spit in your eye and sa-aaayyy-
That you can’t stop the beat!
*The votes “For” are greater than those “Against”*
*Manager Lady stands up*
Manager Lady: Oh, oh, oh!
You can’t stop today
As it comes speeding down the track
Child, yesterday is hist’ry
And it’s never coming back
Manager Lady and Other People: ‘Cause tomorrow is a brand new day,
Manager Lady: And its sky is painted black!
Other People: Yeah!
Manager Lady and Other People: ‘Cause the world keeps spinning
Round and ’round
And my heart’s keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost ’til I heard the drums
Then I found my way-
‘Cause you can’t stop the beat!
Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman wanna fly
Out there into the night
And so I’m gonna shake and shimmy it
With all my might today
‘Cause you can’t stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
They can try to stop ths paradise
We’re dreaming of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of our one true love today, and
You can’t stop the beat!
*Total of “For” clearly outnumbers “Against”*
*Female Senator glares at Aides*
All: Aah, aah, aah
Aah, aah, aah
Aah, aah, aah
*Aides race over to join the dancing*
Aides: Ever since we first saw the sun
We’ve been workin’ so hard just to
Please someone
But now we’re gonna shake and shimmy
And just have some fun today!
Everybody: And you can’t stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
You can try to stop the paradise
We’re dreaming of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of our one true love today,
‘Cause you can’t stop the beat
*Female Senator faints*
Everybody: You can’t stop the beat!!
You can’t stop the beat!!
You can’t stop the beat!!
You can’t stop the beat!!
107- I’ll agree with that. I wasn’t fond of the song virus, and I kinda don’t like the love virus much better.
ERRATA (Wandering in): Do we still have the rabbit?
RANDOMOSITY: Rabbit? Which rabbit?
ERRATA: The one from next door. Is it still kidnapped, or have we returned it?
RANDOMOSITY: Oh, I don’t know. Why?
ERRATA: ‘Cause I wanted to use it as a test bunny. So where would it be, were it here? Is it still it Witchy’s- I mean Thief of Light’s room?
RANDOMOSITY: I think there were actually two bunnies? That kidnapped one, and Armada found a half-comatose one yesterday.
ERRATA: That’s unusual. How do you know?
RANDOMOSITY: She told me! How else?
ERRATA: I have reason to doubt that statement, and-
(THIEF walks by, wearing a zipped-up jacket and a pair of shorts (and not much else, really). She looks like death warmed over, as mornings aren’t good to her. She mumbles a hello.)
MIKA: Thief! You left your coffee in here!
THIEF: I’ll be riite theere…
(She stumbles off to the kitchen, still half-asleep’; as is made obvious by the three crashes into walls within ten seconds.)
ERRATA: …That was weird.
RANDOMOSITY: Nobody’s reminded her to wear anything besides the bare minimum today, I guess. You gonna ask her to make sure she puts on a shirt under that?
ERRATA: Nope! Not my job. I’m thinking she was anyway. So, where would the bunny be?
RANDOMOSITY: I’m praying it’s not in her room now, because if it was, she’d be trying to hook it up with her cat.
((I’m procrastinating right now, so I’m going to write part of a scene…))
MIKA: *comes downstairs in a suit, tie, and top hat, carrying a briefcase*
R101 AND ERRATA: *stares*
MIKA: School project. I have to study the behavior of normal 12 year old girls.
ERRATA:…Is that what the dress code is at the school where you’re going to abduct them?
MIKA: No. And who said anything about abducting? Nah, good ol’ fashioned kidnapping, that’s the way! *goes out the door*
R101: *turns back to Errata* So, what were you saying about that bunny?
—LATER—
MIKA: *Comes home, dragging along a 12 year old girl with dark blond hair and slightly large front teeth by handcuffs*
GIRL: So is this your house? Oh, what a pretty house! It’s so nice! You’re so lucky to live in such a nice house! Do you have any brothers or sisters? I have a little brother named Ricky. He’s only four! He’s really quiet, but he’s also really cute. I love Ricky. Except when he steals my bacon. Then I don’t like Ricky.
MIKA: Mmmm hmm… *jots down notes on a clipboard* Now, why don’t you take a seat on the couch?
*Girl sits down on couch and Mika handcuffs her to the coffee table*
GIRL: You have a nice couch! I like your couch. It’s fuzzy. Not like mine. Mine is worn and blue. I hate blue! It’s an icky color!
MIKA: Yes, yes. Now what did you say your name was?
GIRL: Shelda. I don’t like my name. It sounds like a turtle’s shell. Turtles are icky and wrinkled and gross.
MIKA: Lovely. *takes steady notes*
—HALF AN HOUR OF STRICT INTERIGATION LATER—
MIKA: *brings out fluffy bunny* What do you think of this?
SHELDA: Awww, it’s so cute! I love bunnies!
MIKA: Really? *looks skeptical* Now, what do you say to this? *pulls out cage of rabid HPB*
SHELDA: Cute! Did you dye it’s fur? It’s a pretty color!
MIKA: *gasps*
LUNA: Hey, where’s Enc? He should be rewatching the Christmas special trailers with us again and again!
ALICE: I saw him going into his room with an insane look on his face…
F+H: I’d better go check on him.
-IN ENC’S ROOM-
(Enc is sitting on his computer, typing something. He has huge, incredibly comfortable headphones on. He’s also occasionally headbanging.)
F+H: Enc?
ENC: (Without turning around) What? I’m listening to classical music!
F+H: Nothing, I was just going to say that there’s a new trailer for the Christmas Special.
ENC: OH YES. *googles* *enraptured in computer*
F+H: Bye…
-IN THE LIVING ROOM-
F+H: Well, he’s back to watching Doctor Who… By himself.
-IN ENC’S ROOM-
(Enc is back to typing, and is still occasionally headbanging with his headphones)
((That’s essentially how this morning went. With Wikipedia instead of F+H))
((Kai, you absolutely rule!!))
*R101, who had previously vacated the room to let MIKA work, walks down an upstairs hall rambling to herself. ERRATA walks past, going the other way.*
R101: Yes, and if she kills her brother, she joins BloodClan two days later… Or no, wait, she doesn’t like… Oh! That’s a great idea!
ERRATA: *Stops* Random… What are you talking about?
R101: *jolts* What? Huh? Oh, sorry, I was trying to decide what to do next in my FanFic.
ERRATA: Oh.
*Grimmd runs in, swipes at R101’s leg with his claws, misses by a hair, sits down, and looks up expectantly.*
ERRATA: Are you OK, Random?!?
R101: Calm down, I’m fine. He was just telling me he was hungry.
ERRATA: Oh… OK….
R101: Come with me, Grimmd.
*R101 and Grimmd disappear into R101’s room.*
ERRATA: You keep your cat food in your room?
*No answer.*
((If anyone decides to follow me, no-one will be in my room, and nothing will be out of place.))
((Thank you.))
( Shelda has now gone home. Mika can’t kidnap anymore people today or she might be caught, so shehas decided she is going to take 12 year old MBers into her report also.)
MIKA: *goes into kitchen* Thieeeef?
THIEF: Meh? *sips coffee* *falls down*
MIKA: Will you do me a favor…
THIEF: Whaaa?
MIKA: *sits down on a chair and pulls out clipboard* Name?
THIEF: Ta.
MIKA: Favorite school subject?
THIEF: Moo.
MIKA:So, what is your survival plan for the bunny apocalypse?
THIEF: … *stares, trying to comprehend* *rubs eyes* …Carrots?
MIKA: …let’s continue this later. *leaves*
[This, sadly, is basically what I say in the mornings. Either that or I growl at my mom, turn sideways, and go back to sleep. <3]
[Threadbump~!]
PG: I hate my life.
MIKA: Great! Another subject!
________End of the questioning_________
Mika: Now, What do you think about bunnies?
Pie Girl: * Crushes name here*
Mika: Excuse me?
Pie Girl: * crush name*
Mika: Never mind. What about this? * Pulls rabid bunny*
Pie Girl: AHHHHH!* screams*.
Mika: Check.
Pie Girl: * hides in room*
Mika: Pie Girl? Wait! You forgot your diary of misery and doom!
Pie Girl’s hand grabs a purple diary.
Mika: I could have read that. Darn.
Meanwhile…
*The man in the orange jumpsuit enters a nearby elevator and exits the scene*
Kiwi: *strolls down the hall and casually enters an office* *a picture of the man in the orange jumpsuit with a monk is sitting on a desk inside* *the rest of the room is empty* Interesting. Unfortunately, it doesn’t leave me with much. *searches through desk drawers to find them all empty* Wow. What does he do all day? *glance slides to picture frame*
(The man with the orange jumpsuit smiles at the camera with his arm around an alarmingly short man in a simple robe. He appears to be a monk of some sort. The monk is not happy that the man in the orange jumpsuit is there by the look on his face.) Maybe he’s a wannabe monk.
*SUDDENLY a monk walks into the room and stops dead in front of kiwi*
Kiwi: Hello. How may I help you?
Monk: *holds up a sign that says, “I have been sworn to silence for today. My name is Joe.”*
Kiwi: Well, it’s nice to meet you Joe. Do you happen to know the man that works in this office?
Joe: *nods* *holds up sign that says “He is an evil man who has stolen something sacred. I have come to retrieve it.”
Kiwi: And what would that be?
Joe: *holds up sign that says “The Cheese.”
Kiwi: Yes. I was afraid of that.
((NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT THE CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
**cries** What did The Cheese ever do to deserve this????????? He could at least have dressed in something more dignified for the theft!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DARE HE STEAL THE CHEESE WHILE WEARING AN ORANGE JUMPSUIT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!))
[Threadbump. :/]
[Threadbump!]
(Sorry! I’m still hoping someone else will post before I post again.)
[Oh well! They’re not.
Go post. Now.]
(Doorbell rings, and Rosanne answers it. MRS is standing there. She looks extremely nervous.)
ROSEANNE: Oh, hello! What can I do for you?
(Screams and shouts from the background)
MRS: I came- Is everything all right?
ROSEANNE: I’m sure it’s fine. I believe the children are playing some game. I’ll check on them in a minute. Meanwhile, may I help you with anything?
MRS: Oh, yes. Our pet bunny is missing again, and I believe that the children over here might have taken it?
ROSEANNE: Again? I could have sworn I told them that stealing pets is not a good idea, and very unneighborly…
(MRS is beginning to look more and more relieved, as Roseanne seems to fit her definition of sane.)
MRS: Well, if you could talk to them about it and send them-
(She is interrupted by sudden, loud, yells. Errata, Randomosity, and Pie Girl come tearing around the corner, stop, and turn around, pies ready. Robert and Enceladus, who have been following closely, also run out and are promptly hit by pies. The stagger, but quickly recover and throw their own pies. All of them run off.)
MRS: Er… Aren’t you going to stop them?
(Roseanne looks shocked.)
ROSEANNE: Stop them? Why on earth would I do that?
(MRS’s face falls.)
(By the way, when did this awesome thumbs up thing come in? It’s freakishly awesome. Like it. A lot.)
*tense moment of silence*
Monk: *jumps over desk, sending picture frame flying and ninja chops Kiwi in the gut*
Kiwi:*falls like a rock only to be caught by the Window Washing Man*
Window Washing Man: You alright little lady? That’s one unfriendly Monk!
Monk: Hiya! *runs at Window Washing Man*
(an epic battle ensues on the Window Washing Man’s platform hanging out over the city, the perfect scene of suspense that every movie needs with the characteristic heros battling to the death on a precarious ledge. Why chose the ledge over the comfy room of the Man with the Orange Jumpsuit? Ask Hollywood.)
Kiwi: Oh my. This is unfortunate. I hope they don’t fall over the ledge.
What about the cheese?! Where is it?! This room is empty of everything but the desk and the…..
*looks at now cracked picture frame dramatically*
((Erm, I thought the monk’s name was Joe, and he took a vow of silence? Now I’m confused.))
Hmmmmmmm. You do have a point there. PErhaps not a “hiya” then. I was trying to go for ninja. Perhaps a nice grunt of exertion? And yes, his name is Joe. I was slightly afeared that people would forget who Joe was, despite the fact that it was just a little bit up the page.
And where are the people?
((REVIVE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !))
(Mikazuki is in the living room, holding a few pies behind her back. The pies are red and green and very festive.)
MIKAZUKI: GUYS! THE DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL IS ON!
(All Doctor Who fans within hearing range come running in.)
MBer 1 (likes Doctor Who): It’s on?
MIKA: No.
(sounds of grumbling and groaning can be heard)
MBer 2 (also likes Doctor Who): Awwww…. Then why did you call us in here?!
MIKA: To do this!! Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays! *pies all* *runs*
((Well, this thread sort of died. :/
I want to post something but I can’t think of anything clever at the moment. Perhaps later.))
(A typical day at the Embi family home – that is, filled with chaos and wondrous excitement. Errata is in the middle of a painting (I’m going to assume you would do so but if you actually really really hate art or something I guess we could change it to something else.))
ERRATA: *hums quietly* *paints some more* Wow, this painting isn’t turning out to be as bad as I thought.
MIKAZUKI: *passing by* Hey, Errata, I love your painting! It looks really nice.
ERRATA: Thanks! I’m nearly done, just need to add this one part here *makes motion with paintbrush*
—SPLAT! *painting is now covered by a smooshed pie*
ENCELADUS: Oops, sorry! I hope it wasn’t anything important.
ERRATA: ENC! You, you…I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!
ENCELADUS: Look, I’m sorry, okay?
MIKAZUKI: Actually, you know, I think it looks better like that.
ERRATA: *stops fuming and takes a look* Hmm…
ENCELADUS, in an attempt to save him from trouble: We could do a whole series of these, um, paintings!
ERRATA: *glares at Enc* Whatever. It’s too late now, anyway. But I’ll be needing a new canvas.
–
ERRATA: Robert? (It seems that Robert has become the default shopper for the family.) If you’re going to the shops some time this week could you get me more canvas paper? All of mine have been ruined. *glares at Enc*
ROBERT: Well, I suppose. I’ll see if the store has any.
ENCELADUS: Ooh! While you’re there I’ll be requiring a 10-inch cranberry fabricator, but only buy the purple kind. The blue kind just absolutely won’t do.
ROBERT: All right, but –
KIWIMUNCHER: I need an artichoke chopper and processer please! It’s urgent!
ROBERT: Just why exactly do you –
R101: Wait, don’t go yet! If it’s not too much trouble could you find me a hippo embalmer? I tried ordering one online but I couldn’t find any, maybe there’s one down the road?
ROBERT: Now hang on just a minute, let me write this all down.. *is frantic*
KAI: And more food for my coelacanth! I don’t know what it eats yet so I guess we’ll have to keep trying. ((total Hagrid rip-off, sorry!))
ROBERT: *sighs* That’s enough! If you want all this you’ll have to come get it yourself, I’m afraid. I don’t see why I’m always the one that ends up having to do the shopping.
R101: Oh, but I’d love to come with you! I wouldn’t want you getting the wrong brand of embalmer. And I think I wanted a butter atomizer as well.
KAI: Me too! I want to come!
A BUNCH OF OTHER PEOPLE: Same!
ROBERT: Um, okay, we can go to the store. You’ve been cooped up in here for far too long, especially those still glued to the Doctor Who marathon.
LUNA, from the other room: No, I’m not coming! There’s still 35 hours to go!
ROBERT: Luna, no one’s making you go.
LUNA: Good, now shush!
–
(At the store:)
KAI: Excuse me, ma’am, but would you happen to know what coelacanths eat? I’ve just got mine recently and I’m afraid I haven’t had a chance to find out yet.
LADY AT THE COUNTER: Um, could you repeat that?
KAI: Coelacanths! You know…wait, you don’t know…
LADY: I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t understand.
KAI: Ah, well, no matter. I’ll just look around and see what you have.
R101: Hi there, do you have any hippo embalmers in this store? I hope you do, I’ve looked everywhere but nowhere seems to have them.
LADY: Hippo embalmer? Uh, no, but we do have sawdust…right over there in the corner.
R101: Oh, that’s great! Thanks!
LADY: *tiredly* And my shift was almost over…NEXT!
ENCELADUS: Good afternoon, do you have the purple kind of cranberry fabricator?
LADY: Um, sorry, what’s a cranberry fabricator?
ENCELADUS: Oh my goodness, the state of this country’s purchasing system! You can’t get anything any more. A cranberry fabricator…it’s about this big, and looks sort of like…this? *makes random hand motions*
No? Well, I suppose if you’ve only got the blue kind that would have to do…
LADY: We have cranberries over there by the pineapples, is that what you want?
ENCELADUS: NO, NO, NO! Aren’t you listening to me? People just don’t get it, do they? *walks off disgustedly*
KIWIMUNCHER: Hello, I’d like an artichoke –
LADY: WE HAVE THOSE! Oh, thank god, FINALLY someone sane! Artichokes are just down this aisle.
KIWIMUNCHER: No, you don’t understand, I wasn’t finished. I need the 2-in-1 artichoke chopper + processor.
LADY: *nearly faints*
ERRATA: I’d like to buy –
LADY: AHHH! I’ve had enough with you and your crazy demands! No, I’m sorry, but this store doesn’t have what you’re looking for!
ERRATA: But –
LADY: Please, just leave me in peace!
ERRATA: I only wanted new canvas paper…
LADY: Oh, um…*hands Errata canvas paper without a word*
R101: *comes sprinting up to the counter* Oh, I nearly forgot! Would you happen to have a butter atomizer or –
*lady actually faints away*
– or, um, would that be too much to ask for? *trails off*
((Whew! I’ll stop here – this post is too long as it is anyway!
Oh, dear Robert, how I abuse you so…I’m so sorry. It’s the evil writer in me.
))
((I don’t mind. As an editor, I know all about evil writers.))
No, that works. I don’t usually do art, but occasionally I’ll pull out my large supply of artsy things and draw or something.
((Okay, this can be one of those occasionally-I’ll-pull-out-my-large-supply-of-artsy-things-and-draw-or-something moments then. (: ))
((Hmmm… coelacanths eat eels, apparently. We could feed it jellied eels, but that might make it talk in a Cockney accent.))
((That would be interesting indeed. We could write something about that…))
((Selenium, you are AWESOME! I usually loathe shopping except under certain conditions, but buying a hippo embalmer and a butter atomizer falls under those conditions! Thank you!))
BACK IN EMBI HOUSE
*Eye-level view of RANDOMOSITY101’s laboratory. Instead of wearing her sterilized lab coat, RANDOMOSITY101 can be seen wearing a formal brown shirt with matching pants. An enormous stone oval container with a hand-painted wooden sign that reads “Here lies Larry” can be seen in the foreground to stage left.*
R101: *brushing sawdust off hands* Thank goodness, there was just enough improvised hippo embalmer to do the job. Larry, we’ll miss you. May all six of your pieces rest in peace.
*a meow is heard*
R101: *turns head sharply to stage right* Forget it, Grimmd! You just ate not that long ago! There is no way you’re getting Larry!
Thank you! And…you’re welcome?
(Enceladus is leaving the public library, carrying a large stack of books. Since the books get in the way of his vision, he doesn’t see a sign marked “Wet Floor”, and slips, sending the books flying everywhere.)
Enc: (hyperventilating) “They’ll get… wet.. and… RUINED! Don’t worry, babies, don’t worry!”
(He scampers around, grabbing the books up and drying the covers, but misses one notebook that has slid further away.)
(A random bystander picks up the notebook and brings it to Enc.)
Random bystander: “Excuse me, sir, I think you dropped this.”
(Enceladus looks at the notebook and smiles.)
Enc: “Thank you!”
Random bystander: “Um, what *is* it?”
Enc: “That’s my Facebook.”
Random bystander: “What…? How…?”
Enc: “Look inside.”
(The random bystander opens the notebook and sees that it is full of drawings of people’s faces.)
Random bystander: “Oh. I see.”
R101 (Poking head in on Doctor Who marathon): Does anyone know where I could get some blood?
CAT’S EYE: What on Earth do you want BLOOD for?
R101: Just some scientific stuff I’m doing up in my room.
CAT’S EYE: I didn’t know you had lab equipment in there.
R101: Well. Ahem. Anyway…
MIKA: I have a bottle of blood somewhere under my bed, do you want that?
CAT’s EYE: Um. Why, again?
MIKA: Oh, no reason.
LUNA: Shh, some of us are trying to watch!
ENC: Who’s blood?
MIKA: Mine.
ENC: Oh. *turns back to the TV*
CAT’S EYE: Gross?
MIKA: Well, I fell and I got kind of tired of mopping up the blood with a towel.
*sounds of explosions from the TV*
LUNA: SHH!
MIKA (Whispering): So, do you want it or not?
R101: Thanks, but I think I’ll stick with the blood of people I don’t know.
((What? WHAT??? WHY would I use the blood of people I don’t know?? That is considerably more risky. And the project I’m working on in the basement has no need for blood, so there are only three reasons I can think of for asking for it, and in any of those cases it would make more sense to get blood from someone I know.))
((Sorry, you were the only person I could think of who was doing sciencey expirements.))
((Well, what’s done is done. I’m not really angry. Just annoyed that I didn’t get the blood in the end. Sorry for freaking out.))
((Out of curiousity, what were the three reasons? Also, it can be rewritten.))
((1. To drink
2. For use in an experiment not yet begun
3. For…. creative purposes))
(Kai and Selenium are attempting to figure out what to feed the new coelacanth, who is as of now still nameless.)
KAI: Sel, do you have a moment?
SEL: Yes, okay, what is it? Need some help fixing your model of the universe again?
KAI: No, although we could look at that together later if you want.
SEL: So what do you need?
KAI: Do you want to help me feed the coelacanth?
SEL: All right, sure. Erm, what do they eat anyway?
KAI: I’m not entirely sure, actually. I think a handbook came with it, we could go check that.
In Kai’s room:
KAI: *starts ripping apart cardboard box fragments* It must be here somewhere…
SEL: Is this it? *points to a small book lying on top of Saturn*
KAI: Oh, yes, that’s it! How did it get there, I wonder?
SEL: No matter. Let’s look through, does it say anything about food?
KAI: Hmm…*flips through pages* Here we go – “Feeding Habits of Your Coelacanth”
SEL: Well?
KAI: It’s not very clear, but it says something about…bullied keels?
SEL: Bullied keels?
KAI: Oh, wait, sorry, that’s jellied eels. The paper’s a bit soggy, Saturn must be wet or something.
SEL: Okay, well, where are we going to get jellied eels?
KAI: Um, there might be some downstairs in the kitchen?
In the kitchen:
SEL: *tearing cupboards open* What do jellied eels even look like?
KAI: *pulling random drawers open randomly* I have no idea, maybe in a jar or something?
SEL: This? *holds up a jar of vague substance*
ERRATA: *comes in* Hey, what are you doing with my fermented tofu?
KAI: Fermented tofu?! You actually eat that stuff?
ERRATA: It’s for a science project.
(Kai and Sel both stare)
ERRATA: The phospholipid properties of cell membrane dissolution affected by the process of fermenting tofu in a controlled vacuum. ((That probably makes no sense.))
SEL: Er, okay, cool. Well, I guess those weren’t the jellied eels.
KAI: Oh, I think I found them! *holds up a cereal box with the words JELLIED EELS written on a piece of duct tape*
SEL: Perfect! All right, let’s go, I think it’s getting hungry. I heard it gurgling on the way down. Or maybe it was my stomach…
((To be continued – dinner awaits! Or maybe someone else wants to write the Cockney accent part – Kai? Sorry, this one’s not very funny.))
This is great. I’m tempted to add to it, but I don’t really want to mess with your plans, so I’ll refrain and just wait to see where it leads…))
((Thanks! I’ll add to it later when I’ve got more time.))
((No, no, that was funny.))
((I’m glad you think so.
))
I has a dr. who 360 dog armed with half a ton of depegmentiser darts armed waltz music radios
((*winces* Oh dear. Terribly sorry. My little brother, who hasn’t posted in such a long time, apparently thought it appropriate to go to a thread he heard me mention and post what he’d heard me talk about without even finding out the subject of the thread first.))
((That’s all right. I was about to post something in response to that, actually, but luckily I refreshed the page while I was thinking through how to phrase it, so no harm done.
))
((Thank goodness. By the way, I never commented on your last post, but maybe you should seek a career in comedy writing!
))
((Wow, thanks, R101!!
And I’ve been meaning to continue post 129 – I haven’t forgotten, but I’m drowning in work! Anyone else, feel free to add onto it if you want; I don’t really have any specific plans but I think the coelacanth is supposed to talk in a Cockney accent if fed jellied eels.))
*in random hallway*
(R101 can be seen running up and down the hallway with a bright green notebook under her left arm and a pencil behind her right ear. She sometimes breaks into a , and occasionally does an honest-to-goodness leap or pivot. All the while, she is grinning madly and sometimes breaks off hr seemingly insane exertion and takes out pencil and notebook alike and writes something, giggles a bit, and goes back to energetically traipsing the hallway.)
(LBK walks in.)
LBK: Random? …… What are you doing? …..
R101: *turns to LBK* What? Oh, it’s you. Hi! Ignore me, I’m just in a really weird mood today. I think it’s because I was sick all week.
LBK: Ooooookay…
R101: Snivy!!!!
LBK: *looks at R101 strangely* Tepig?
R101: ZEKROM!!!
LBK: Umm… I’m leaving now.
R101: Bye *drops notebook*
LBK: That doesn’t look like a story!
R101: *frantically scoops up and closes notebook* You saw nothing!
LBK: *gives R101 an even stranger look* Random, that looked like… poetry!
R101: YOU SAW NOTHING! I write stories about murderers, and that’s all! *turns* *runs headlong into wall* *picks self up and runs off to bedroom*
LBK: Wow. Writing poetry? She really is in a weird mood today…
I really liked that, but what did you sometimes break into? It was cut off somehow.
Sorry, I don’t know why that happened. It was “sometimes breaks into a run”
(Selenium and Kai are walking back up to Kai’s room with the (cereal) box of jellied eels. The eels are sloshing around inside the box and occasionally one of them falls out of the box.)
*jellied eel flies out of the box and hits the ceiling*
SEL: Ew! What was that? Did it just…did it just…
KAI: Fly onto the ceiling? Yes. *stares at ceiling*
SEL: But why? And how? It’s not still…alive, is it?
KAI: I hope not. I mean, they look dead, but with these things you can never tell…*shakes box*
SEL: Well, I – *another ones flies out of the box* Not again!
KAI: What’s going on? *jellied eels start popping out of the box left and right, hitting the ceiling and falling back onto the two*
SEL: Oh, snip-admin! That is so gross! *tries to duck and avoid the eels*
KAI: *picks one up from the ground* *examines* I mean, this doesn’t look alive…it’s not moving, anyway. Want to see? *holds up to Sel*
SEL: No, thank you! Are the rest of them alive, though? *both peer into the box tentatively*
KAI: Erm, I don’t think so? They’re moving, but that might be because I’m moving the box slightly.
SEL: The box is too dark, I can’t tell! –Ahh! *as more of them start flying out*
KAI: Okay, we need to find something to cover the box with, so we don’t lose any more. Any ideas?
SEL: Not really.
KAI: *looks around room* Well, we’re nearly there anyway. Let’s just run for it and hope we still have enough.
(In Kai’s room, next to the coelacanth’s tank)
KAI: All right, ready?
SEL: *looks taken aback* What, you mean we just pour them in?
KAI: What else are we supposed to do?
SEL: I guess you’re right.
KAI: Stand back. *stands on her desk and pours the jellied eels into the tank from the cereal box*
(The jellied eels hit the water with a loud splat, splashing water into Selenium’s face. Within seconds, the whole lot have disappeared and the coelacanth is smiling.)
SEL: Did the coelacanth just eat all of them?
KAI: I think so.
SEL: Wow. That was a big box – double pack Kellogg’s from Costco. You don’t mean to say your coelacanth has already finished all of them? Where are we supposed to find more?
KAI: Well, he was hungry. And we lost a lot on the ceiling –
SEL: – no doubt they’re still stuck there –
KAI: – and it wasn’t very much anyway.
SEL: Wasn’t very much?
*awkward silence*
KAI: Do you think it’s still hungry?
SEL: I doubt it. I mean, how much can it really eat?
KAI: Speaking of which, what should we name it?
SEL: *looks at her oddly* Speaking of which? Speaking of what?
KAI: Well, we were speaking of how much it could eat, and – Oh. I see your point. I guess they weren’t really related at all, much.
SEL: No!
KAI: Where was I?
SEL: Its name?
KAI: Oh, yes. I was thinking something like Cece, but that’s rather –
Coelacanth: Cece? Wot made you think I would wan’ some bleedin’ name like Cece?
(Kai and Sel stare at each other.)
SEL: Er, did it just –
KAI: Shh!
Coelacanth: I’m no’ any old Coel’cant’ you be findink on the streets, ‘scuse you very much. Cece… *mutters indignantly*
KAI: I’m very sorry. What is your name, then?
Coelacanth: *draws self up proudly* You’d be talkink wiv the righ’ hon’rable Mistah Charles Pierre, thanks you very much!
SEL: Charles…Pierre, eh?
Coelacanth: MISTAH Charles Pierre!
SEL: Well, um, it’s nice to meet you…
((Someone else want to continue? I don’t have any plans for where this is going to. I hope you don’t mind the name, Kai. You can always change it if you want, just like you don’t have to use this post if you don’t want to. Typing in a Cockney accent is bloody hard. I’m not sure I did it very well. Ack.))
((Hahahahahahahahahaha… I’m going to take this as an early birthday present.))
((Please do! Happy early birthday!
And feel free to add on to this.))
KAI: Would you excuse us for just a second?
Coelacanth: *indignantly* Do wo’ you wan’, then. No’ up to me, innit?
(Kai leaves the room, dragging a thoroughly confused Selenium with her.)
SEL: Why is he excusing us? I mean – wait – what is he excusing is for?
KAI: Don’t you find it rather odd that he’s talking in a Cockney accent?
SEL: What, Charles Pierre?
KAI: Yes, Charles Pierre.
SEL: Well, you did feed him all those jellied eels –
KAI: – that’s not the point!
SEL: It is the point! Jellied eels come from London’s East End!
KAI: And so?
SEL: But it all makes sense!
KAI: Just because someone eats naan bread doesn’t make them Indian; in the same way, just because Charles Pierre – oh, let’s just call him Charles – eats jellied eels it doesn’t mean he should talk in a Cockney accent!
SEL: How do you know that’s not how he’s always talked?
KAI: Of course not, how could it – wait…you’re right! We’ve never actually heard him talk before!
SEL: It could be his real accent.
KAI: Natural, even.
SEL: Indeed. But how will we find out?
KAI: *thinks* Oh! We could feed it something else and see if it changes its accent!
SEL: How about…naan bread?
((What have I got myself into? I have no idea how to type an Indian accent. Perhaps from now on I should just type everything the coelacanth says normally and people can imagine it in their heads with the proper accent. Also, I think the coelacanth storyline should begin to involve a few more other people. Maybe there could be a mass operation to rescue the coelacanth from some sort of dire situation or something. Ideas? And someone else should post something too!))
((I hope you don’t mind this addition, but I loved Selenium’s post and I’d like to add a food into the equation that I could possibly type an accent for, if his accent changed depending on his food. If this doesn’t work, just disregard the post. By the way, naan bread is delicious!))
(R101 bursts into room, carrying a covered container of some tan liquid with large round lumps in it that are hard to see in the murky liquid)
R101: What’s all the commotion about?
KAI: Oh. Hi Random. We fed my colecanth jellied eels, and it started speaking in a Cockney accent.
SEL: Kai thinks it might be his native accent.
R101: Cool! A talking fish! Are you sure it’s his native accent? What did he tell you? I’ve always wanted to talk to a fish!
KAI: …
SEL: Um, he just seemed awfully indignant and said his name was the “righ’ hon’rable Mistah Charles Pierre, thanks you very much!” And we think his accent might be because of the jellied eels. We want to feed him something else just to be sure.
R101: *laughs at impression of the fish’s accent* Well, my bubbie just sent me some matzo ball soup… *holds up container of soup* She made it for me since I missed Pesach with my mom’s family this year.
Kai: Pesach? Bubbie? Matzo ball soup?? Random… You’re Jewish??
R101: Not anymore. I’ve been an atheist for two years now. But my mom’s side of the family is Jewish.
SEL: Well… I guess we could give him some of that…
R101: OK! *walks up to tank and picks matzo balls out of soup, dropping them into tank one by one*
((I want you guys to decide what Mr. Pierre’s reaction is to this.))
((If we’d fed him what he would eat in the wild, would he have a South African accent?))
((Quite possibly. Would you know how to type that?))
((Going by Elon Musk, it’s sort of like switching between British and American randomly.))
((Thanks for continuing this while I was away, Randomosity. I’ll probably post something later, but feel free to add on whatever you want to the storyline – I have no fixed plans in mind. Just be careful the accents thing doesn’t turn too clichéd; we can only use it so many times.))
FrenchPerson: Bonjour!
Me: Bonjour! Je suis un pamplemousse!
FrenchPerson: Repetez cela?
Me: Je suis un pamplemousse!
French: Non, vous etes une fille.
Me: Listen buddy, I just want a croissant.
French.Je ne parle pas anglias.
Me: …what.
LATER
Me: Well, we can cross that off the list of things it doesn’t mean.
LBK: * crosses out I want a croissant*
Enc: It means “I am a grapefruit”
LBK: How do you know that?
Enc: J’apprend français. Je peux t’aider, mais je ne veux pas. Je crois que je ferai votre jobs plus difficile. Si j’étais un champignon, tu me mangerais avec les tomates.
Pie Girl: What?
Enc: Ta ta! *walks off*
LBK: I guess we have a whole new set of phrases to figure out what they mean… What all did he say again?
((I feel I have procrastinated long enough. I know how I want the colecanth to react to the matzo balls, but I do have one problen: I have NO IDEA how to type a Cockney accent. What should I do?))
Perhaps from now on you should just type everything the coelacanth says in a Cockney accent normally and people can imagine it in their heads properly. (Yes, I just copied, pasted, and edited what Selenium said. Yes, I am lazy. What of it?).
Couldn’t have put it better myself.
PG: I remember Ta ta…
LBK: That’s ENGLISH.
PG: Oh. Um…
LBK: ENC! CAN YOU REPEAT THAT?
ENC: No.
(( I’m thinking they give the fish a croissant)
((Bibliophile- All right, then. I shall do that.
Oh, and I apologize in advance if his word usage is strange. I’m trying to at least type WORDS I think he might use.))
CHARLES (In a Cockney accent): *looks at R101* You offend me, girl. I’m a colecanth, not some bleeding herbivore!
R101: *taken aback* Sorry, Mr. Pierre. Uh… What do you like to eat?
CHARLES: Something good and meaty, and not these silly lumps!
R101: “OK, I’ll get you some meat, then.”
*R101 scoops the matzo balls out of the colecanth’s tank and leaves the room. She returns a short while later with some turkey.*
R101: “How’s this?” *drops turkey into tank*
*CHARLES quickly devours the turkey.*
CHARLES (Now in American accent): “Much better, thanks.”
KAI: *looks surprised*
R101: *turns to KAI* “Well, that’s one mystery solved. His accent really does change with what he eats.”
((SFTDP. The reason I did this was because I thought it make it much easier to type.))
((Cough cough. Poke poke. REVIIIVE!!!))
(( I would write a scene in which the MBers petsit MR and Mrs. rabbit, but I only have 2 MBers fully drawn. ))
((I’m considering writing a scene involving Water Bear Carpet Specialists, but I’m not good at comedy writing. I suppose I’ll try, anyway.))
Scratch that. I had to write a silly speech for school, and everyone liked it, so apparently I am good at it; I just don’t feel like I am–which is strange, because not to be narcissistic, but I normally love the things I write–unless they’re comedy or poetry, in which I hate them. Anyway, not to make any promises, but I hope to make myself write it by the end of November at least.
Kiwi: *grabs picture frame off the desk and examines it carefully* This stinks. For all intents and purposes this looks like a regular old picture frame. Dag nabbit! *opens back of picture frame after looking nervously over her shoulder at Joe and the Window Washing Man who are sizing each other up on the ledge* Why looky here! There’s some sort of writing on the back of the photo… *squints*
Joe: *holds up sign to Window Washing Man that says “Why are we fighting on a ledge when there’s a perfectly comfy room right through that window?”
Window Washing Man: Because that would not be nearly as cool!
Kiwi: *finishes reading the back of the photo and slips it out of the picture frame* *places the frame back on the desk and leaves the room as casually as she entered it*
(…nnnnnnnnot here?)
((I plan to post here over the weekend.))
((We really need to revive this, people!!
Did we ever figure out if it’s going to be a tv show or movie? Personally, I think it would work better as the former- there’d be more room for silly randomness like the whole song and love virus deal without having to figure out much of an overarching plot.
I also think we should have some scenes/episodes/whatever based on actual events in blog history, like the Garlic War, the Chuck Norris/Watership Down Pie War, the
Question Game, etc. I think that the second one would work well as a sort of “flashback” thing, like maybe a veteran Embi is explaining to a neophyte why discussing Chuck Norris is a Bad Idea.))
((Oh cake! I was going to post yesterday!
Rosebud2 – I think a TV show is best. And I like your idea of basing episodes on actual events. I volunteer to have one of those events explained to me, if you like. After I’m done talking to the fish, that is.))
(R101 turns back to CHARLES)
R101 (excitedly): Yes! I finally get to talk to a fish! *pulls out green notebook and pencil* So, Mr. Pierre, where are you from?
CHARLES: This wonderful little canyon back in South Africa. It had-
SEL: *whispers to Kai* Isn’t that the same notebook she was doodling in a few days ago?
KAI: *whispers back* She seems to use it for everything.
CHARLES: And my family had lived there for a hundred generations.
R101: *nods and keeps writing*
SEL: *still whispering* Everything indeed. Notes and doodles and stories and even poetry-
R101: *overhears* That’s crazy! I write stories about murderers, not poetry! Who gave you that idea?? WAS IT LITTLE BASEMENT KITTEN?!?
SEL: Um…
CHARLES: *snorts* You humans!
R101: *stops yelling* *looks confused at CHARLES* Humans? What makes you assume we’re – wait… *addresses KAI and SEL* Are you guys human?
((Okay, here’s a segment for the coelocanth storyline which serves no purpose except to write me into the story, since I wanna start being involved with this again.))
Rosebud2 knocks on Kai’s bedroom door.
KAI: Come in.
Rosebud enters the room, glancing upwards.
ROSEBUD: Have you really got a talking coelocanth named Charles? And what are those gooey things stuck to the ceiling?
R101: Jellied eels. They wouldn’t stay in the box.
ROSEBUD: Oh, I see. I think. What was all that shouting just now?
KAI: R101 is insisting that she only writes stories about murderers. Which isn’t actually- well anyway, I’m human, Randomosity.
SEL: Me too.
R101: Okay. So either Charles here knows what humans look like, or he has the ability to sense what species things are. Have you met humans before, Charles?
((Okay, now here’s the first bit of the Garlic War.))
The scene is an enormous room on the top floor of the Embi house, full of music stands, instruments, and shelves of sheet music. Only half the room is occupied with stuff; the other half is empty and would be a convenient place for an epic battle. There tend to be random conveniences such as these when Embis are involved. A lot of the aforementioned Embis are in the room, all close together in a big crowd, and packing up instruments or else just hanging around. The camera very slowly begins to zoom in on Keiffer, who is chatting with Princess_Magnolia and putting away a saxophone.
V.O.: In the world of the Embi family, unusual and exciting things happen every day. Yet, there are some events that stand out far more than most others- events that will be etched into the family’s collective memories forever. The Garlic War is most assuredly one of these.
KEIFFER: …Not fair, Princess! That’s just me, though.
There is a pause. Then KEIFFER pricks enself ((I can’t remember if en is male or female)) in the finger with the needly thingies on ens saxophone.
KEIFFER: Owh, wung buttons!
P_M: What happened?
KEIFFER: My saxophone just tried to kill me!
P_M: Kill you?
KEIFFER: Yes! It stabbed me with its needly thingies! *glances down at saxophone* But my needly thingies are flat, it’s absurd, really. (to saxophone) I could sue you, y’know!
PSEUDO: Who’d represent a saxophone in a court case? *pauses and stares into space thoughtfully* Actually, I would.
ENC: I’d be the prosecutor!
GRADSTER: Dibs on presiding justice.
ERRATA: I want to be witness.
KAIYVES: Ooh, I’ll be court reporter!
KEIFFER: Our own little Embi court. So, what shall I be suing for? I don’t want money or anything. How’s about I sue for an… an… oboe!
P_M: Sure, as long as I get the elbow!
DUCKY: Why d’you want another elbow? *gestures at P_M’s elbows* I mean, you’ve got two of your own.
P_M: Believe me, you can never have too many elbows.
Keiffer is now staring at his finger and squeezing blood out of his wound.
KEIFFER: Oooh, blood!! I like blood!!
ENC: *slowly backs away* Uh… you can find another prosecutor, if you want…. *runs* *runs back* Actually, I happen to like blood too.
BOOKGIRL: How can you like blood? It’s a bloody nuisance.
ENC: I just like the bloodiness. It’s so pretty. Shiny, and glimmery. Dripping down like water, but it looks nice. The little pools by someone’s decapitated head… *notices that although some people are laughing, some are shooting him concerned looks* I should probably stop now.
The camera zooms in on Enc’s face, showing the demonic, reddish gleam that has just entered his eyes, and the shot freezes.
V.O.: Too late.
Things start moving again. With inhuman speed, Enc lunges at Maths Lover and bites en hard, then does the same to SudoRandom.
POSOC: Aieek! *produces stakes out of nowhere*
KEIFFER: Hey, nobody said we weren’t complete psychopaths. *crouches into fighting stance*Â
POSOC now produces a crossbow out of nowhere and fires it at Keiffer. It misses, shooting over everyone’s head and impaling the eye of an HPB in a painting on the wall. Enc bites POSOC hard. POSOC hits Enc on the head with the butt of his crossbow.
ENC: Ouch!
POSOC prepares to stake Enc, but is distracted by Fireh, who just then attacks him from behind in defense of Enc.Â
FIREH: You’ll never defeat us!
Before Fireh can do much damage, POSOC grabs Enc and uses him as a vampiric shield. Enc soon wrenches out of POSOC’s grasp and bites him again.
  Â
Thank you! I’ll try and post later if I have time.
Vanillabean dons a garlic necklace in an attempt to protect herself. Enc pulls it off her neck and eats it.
ENC: I’m a modern vampire! Stakes and garlic don’t hurt me!
Vanillabean pays no heed, and sprinkles garlic powder on everyone.Â
ENC: Omnomnom!
FIREH: Thanks, vanillabean!
VANILLABEAN: Oh my sainted socks.
Vanillabean runs out of the room, goes down into the kitchen, and finds a large box of garlic bread. En runs back up and hands out garlic bread to everyone. For a few moments, everyone is calm as they eat their garlic bread. Then, Enc sprints through the crowd and snatches up everbody elses bread.
ENC: Mine! All mine! Mwahaha!
Ducky steals a few pieces of bread from Enc. Enc turns her into a pile of garlic bread. Ducky eats herself.
KEIFFER: All out war!
Keiffer grabs garlic from vanillabean, who has just put on several new necklaces.
FIREH: Oh yeah?
Fireh snags the necklaces from Keiffer and gobbles them up.
Meanwhile LBK, who’s wearing a garlic necklace, transorms into a demonic cat. The garlic necklace begins to blister her neck. Hissing and spitting, she claws it off. Â
As Enc, POSOC, fireh, and others continue to duel, a curious change comes over Bookgirl. She now looks distinctly Gollumish without having actaully altered in appearance at all. She stats muttering loudly (if that’s possible) to thin air.
BOOKGIRL: We never did get that blood from those nasty bunnieses off our hands, did we, precious? But vampires, precious, oh precious, they don’t bleed when you stabses them- or when you throwses them in the lava, yes, precious, we’ll roast them. Vampire, garlic and you , precious, my precious, and nasty lava, before the yellow face comes out- oh we hate it, precious, it hurts our eyeses! Will these hands ne’er be clean, my precious? But we must roast the vampires before the hobbitses do, oh the nasty fat hobbit! And we’ll get fishes e and roast them with the vampire kebab, good Smeagol just wants a fish with his vampire-kebab, but the nasty hobbitses with their nasty bread will take it from us, precious. So we must eat the vampires without fish. We only wish, to catch a fish, so juicy-sweet…
Enc bites Bookgirl hard, who loses te Gollumish look and starts blinking rapidly.
BOOKGIRL: What just happened- ooh, garlic bread! *noms an abandoned piece of bread*
Vanillabean has retreated into the corner and is fashioning a makeshift catapult out of music stands, pencils, and rubber bands. She launches garlic into the air. Enc and Fireh catch it.
((Rosebud- I like where this is going. But is LBK the only one who can turn into a cat? I really, really, really like demons. And cats. Especially wild mountain cats. And demonic mountain cats! Can I turn into a cat too? Pretty please with whipped cream on top?))
((Randomosity- oh all right.
Were you in the real Garlic War, or will I need to write you in? I’ll go see in a minute. The demonic-catness is only for the duration of the war, by the way. My idea was that the war was a sort of result of some kind of weird dimensional-anomaly-thingy, and at the end I’m going to have everything go rather vague for a minute and then everything is back to normal. That’s the only was I could figure out to be able to keep the cannibalism part.
((I wasn’t. Couldn’t I just enter the room saying I’ve finished talking to the coelecanth, see a discarded clove of garlic, say something like “Oh, I love garlic!” and take a bite, then spontaneously turn into a demonic cat and spit the garlic out? Or would that not work? I figured it was only for the duration of the war, and I understand your reasoning. Thanks.))
((OH GOD I DIDN’T CLOSE THE PARENTHESES
*dies inside*
Well, anyway, that’s a good idea, R101. I’ll be able to write it in pretty easily, since there are going to be a bunch of people running into the music room in a minute.))
((All right. I think you writing me in would be best. But it can’t be because I need an instrument or music, since I don’t play anything. Maybe I followed the smell of garlic? Or you could come up with some other reason for me to go into the room.))
((Well, I’m sure that the war is making enough noise to get people to come in to find out what’s going on.))
((I’M POSTING HERE AGAIN! (: ))
[ROSEBUD: Have you really got a talking coelocanth named Charles? And what are those gooey things stuck to the ceiling?
R101: Jellied eels. They wouldn’t stay in the box.
ROSEBUD: Oh, I see. I think. What was all that shouting just now?
KAI: R101 is insisting that she only writes stories about murderers. Which isn’t actually- well anyway, I’m human, Randomosity.
SEL: Me too.
R101: Okay. So either Charles here knows what humans look like, or he has the ability to sense what species things are. Have you met humans before, Charles?] ((Rosebud2, post 150))
CHARLES: Dude, are you kidding me? How could I not have?
SEL: I’m sorry, but his accent is bothering me. *takes out crumpets from her bag* (to Charles) Please, have some crumpets. They’re delicious, I promise.
CHARLES: *devours crumpets* Oh, those were absolutely spiffing!
SEL: Yes, it worked!
KAI: Okay…right, well, to continue, Charles –
CHARLES: – Excuse me, please don’t pronounce it like that.
KAI: Like what?
CHARLES: Like ChaRRRRles. Augh. It’s appalling.
KAI: Sorry, Mr Pierre. So, have you met any humans before?
CHARLES: Ah! Make it stop! I cannot listen, its accent is painful to my ears.
SEL: Sorry, Kai…it looks like he doesn’t appreciate American accents any more.
CHARLES: American? Those [snip!]! Where? How dare those unruly colonists disobey their superiors; their king, their governor! Have they no respect, have they no shame?
KAI: Excuse me? We don’t have a king.
CHARLES: BLASPHEMY! TREASON! Off with your head, at once!
KAI: No! You are MY coelacanth.
CHARLES: *coldly* I answer to no master, especially not a colonist.
SEL: Sorry, Kai, it looks like he doesn’t like Americans very much.
ROSEBUD: Is he a time-travelling coelacanth?
CHARLES: What is this time-travelling you speak of?
SEL: I’m terribly sorry to have to inform you of this, Mr Pierre, but the year is 2011.
CHARLES: 2011?! No, it can’t be, it’s 1776!
ROSEBUD: Isn’t that the year the Declaration of Independence was signed?
CHARLES: Don’t speak to me of that traitorous, unlawful document!
SEL: Sorry everyone, I think this is my fault. Should we try feeding him something American to get him back to normal?
KAI: Yes!! I think there’s some turkey here left over from when R101 brought some in.
(Kai gives the turkey to Charles to eat.)
CHARLES: Delicious turkey, I thank you! (his accent still sounds very English)
KAI: Oh, no… *worried* Charles, what year is it?
CHARLES: Have I not already informed you of the answer to this question? It’s 1776, of course! Or are Americans so ignorant these days that they can’t even remember the date!
ROSEBUD: I think he’s stuck in this accent/time…
KAI: What can we do? He’s convinced it’s the middle of the 18th century and he hates American people! *looks sad*
ROSEBUD: Show him a TV or something! *directs Charles’s attention to Kai’s TV, which is showing an interview with Gabrielle Giffords* See those moving pictures, Charles?
CHARLES: A mere illusion, that is all!
KAI: It’s not working…is he stuck in this guise?
SEL: Let’s take him to see the Declaration of Independence. Maybe once he sees how old the document actually is, he’ll realise.
KAI: And we should keep trying to feed him different foods, just in case one works.
SEL: So, to Washington? Who wants to come?
((SFTDP, I hope this doesn’t offend any Americans here, ie practically everyone.))
((Offend? It’s hilarious!))
((Oh, no. This is funny.))
((SFTTP but I realised that I apologised no less than four times in the above post…why am I so apologetic?
))
I’m going to England tomorrow.
And I have an American accent.
This will be interesting… O.O
…Doctor Who?…
Why do you have an American accent?
((Not all of us think of you as colonists, don’t worry.))
ROSEBUD: Me! So, how are we going to get to Washington?
((How many people should go to Washington, then? Kai’s going because Charles is hers, Rosebud’s going, I want to go. Should there be a limit on the number of people, or not?))
KAI: Let’s go as soon possible!
SEL: Should we go ask one of the GAPAs if they can spare a few of us for a several days, say, a week?
ROSEBUD: Although we could probably just disappear for a few days and say we were ‘lurking’ in the house somewhere.
SEL: No, let’s tell one of the GAPAs.
KAI: I agree. Oh, and while we’re in Washington, do you think there’ll be any time for us to visit the NASM?
SEL: I’m so up for that. Do you think the coelacanth can get in for free?
ROSEBUD: The what?
KAI: National Air and Space Museum – Smithsonian.
ROSEBUD: I should have known.
(downstairs)
KAI: Hey, Robert, mind if we go to Washington for a few days?
ROBERT: Washington? Why do you need to go to Washington?
KAI: NASM!
SEL: *interrupts* What she means is, we need to see the Declaration of Independence.
ROSEBUD: Charles is stuck in the past, and we’ve got to get him back in the present.
ROBERT: Who’s Charles?
KAI: My coelacanth, of course!
SEL: Only problem is, he thinks it’s 1776, and he’s an ardent royalist. Not good for a fish whose owner is American.
ROBERT: I see.
ROSEBUD: So can we go? Please?
ROBERT: Anyone else other than you three?
KAI: We’re not sure yet. So far it’s just us, but we haven’t got a problem with more people coming along!
SEL: Washington, whee! I’ve never been to Washington. How do you get there from Museica, anyway?
KAI: We can figure that out later. Let’s go pack!
(The three rush off to pack their things for a trip to Washington, DC.)
ROBERT: Funny, I don’t remember ever saying they could go. *shrugs and leaves*
((Every time I write a Robert line I feel as if I’m doing a really bad job! It’s so hard to write because the actual Robert is so much more witty and I’m doing him such a huge injustice.))
(upstairs in Kai’s room: the three are nearly packed)
SEL: Right, what else do we need to bring?
ROSEBUD: Clothes, obviously. And all the usual travelling supplies.
SEL: We’ve got all those, I hope. Anything else?
KAI: How are we going to transport Charles around? He’ll need to be in his tank.
SEL: I might have a spare shopping trolley somewhere. Hang on, I’ll go get it. *leaves the room*
KAI: Do you have everything, then?
ROSEBUD: I think so. You think it’s okay I packed my rock collection?
KAI: *stares* Your…rock collection?
ROSEBUD: *happily* Yup, I take it on all my trips. You never know when it could come in handy.
((I’m thinking all those rocks could turn out to save their lives or something useful like that, later on. I really have no idea.))
SEL: *returns to room, pushing a shopping trolley* I’m back! Here, do you think the tank will fit?
KAI: Let’s try it.
(Together, Kai and Rosebud lift Charles’s tank into the trolley.)
ROSEBUD: Yes, just about!
(Rosebud stumbles and the trolley is pushed sideways, out of the room.)
KAI: Oh no! *runs after trolley*
(The trolley rolls across the landing and hits the opposite balustrade.
((~cliffhanger~ What should happen next? Trying to make what I write funnier…maybe it’ll get better later. So if anyone wants to rewrite/replace the above scene with a better/funnier idea, please do!))
((I have a rock collection? xD
Also, what’s a shopping trolley? Is it like a shopping cart? And how are we getting to Washington from Illinois?))
((Apparently you do, yes. I hope you don’t mind having to lug it all around Washington.
Sorry, yes! Shopping cart for you Americans.
Absolutely no idea – but we’ll figure it out, I’m sure. Do add on to this if you want to.))
((I’m going to try to make my entrance to the Garlic War. If this doesn’t work, tell me so that I can change it please.))
(RANDOMOSITY101 is standing next to the fishtank with CHARLES in it.)
R101: Cake! I can’t go to DC, I’ve got a science project for the academy due in a few days! Erggh, I had such a fun time the time I was in DC!
*R101 walks out of the room*
(A short but unspecified amount of time later:)
R101: Hmm… I wonder what Ducky’s up to. She said she was going to practice in the music room, but she should be done by now….
(Camera goes to a shot of the music room, where the Garlic War is in full swing. RANDOMOSITY101 opens the door and enters.)
R101: What’s going on in here?!
(Camera zooms in on a discarded clove of garlic in the corner, then back out on the half of the room in which the Garlic War is being fought.)
R101: Oh! I love garlic!
*R101 grabs the garlic and takes a chomp. She then suddenly morphs into a demonic cat similar to, though not the same as, the cat LBK has become. She spits out the garlic, which is now apparently burning her mouth, with a yowl. She then proceeds to attack LBK, but LBK knocks her down onto the discarded garlic necklace, which burns her side. She jumps up and away with a very un-housecat-like roar.*
((I like it! Except I don’t think that the Garlic War should be happening at the same time as the coelocanth storyline- it’ll be confusing if too much is going on at once.))
((Thanks! Oh, I thought maybe the Garlic War was for people who weren’t in the coelecanth storyline.))
((In that case, which do you want to write first?))
((I didn’t mean that we couldn’t write both at the same time, I just meant that, in the Embi’s universe, they shouldn’t be happening at the same time, if that makes sense.))
((Yes, but to make it even less confusing we can write one first, then the other. Unless you think it will be fine, in which case we can do both at the same time. Also, people: post on this please? (: ))
((Hmm, maybe you’re right. In that case, maybe we should do the Garlic War storyline first, since it’ll be easier and take less time.))
((All right, we can do that first, and then when that’s done we’ll continue with Washington.))
Ooh! I just thought of a good way to insert myself into the garlic war! And MissSwann, come to think of it. But I don’t want to write it… Argh. I really should make myself.
((Write!))
((I just dropped by and randomly re-read post 2. It makes much more sense to me now that I watch Doctor Who. :lol:))
((HEY YOU GUUUUUUYS))
((Theifling – You know you’re addicted to DnD when…
Can someone else make an addition to the Garlic War?))
(Kai comes running in from the door, holding a boxed set of DVDs. She skids to avoid crashing into Keiffer and Luna and hides the DVDs behind her back.)
Kai: Hey, guess what I just got in the mail?
Luna: Do we get a hint?
Kai: Well, it’s some DVDs of a BBC show…
Keiffer: A famous one?
Kai: Yup, a very famous one!
*Luna and Keiffer’s eyes light up*
Kai: One considered a landmark in its field…
*Luna and Keiffer gasp*
Kai: Noted for its special effects…
*Luna and Keiffer gasp again*
Kai: The source of many fond memories…
Luna: You mean it’s…
(Kai pulls out DVD box to show it)
Kai: That’s right, “Walking With Dinosaurs”! Want to go watch them with me?
Thank you for posting here and reminding me of this thread’s existence! I spent a very enjoyable few minutes reading through all these posts – I loved this thread. You have inspired me to possibly write more sometime soon (Washington trip?) if anyone’s interested; comedy writing is such fun even when the result isn’t particularly clever.
((Yeah, this thread definitely needs a revival. It was awesome.))
Agreed, most definitely! Half-term is next week and if I’m not madly revising for mocks, I’ll have a go at a post. (Though no doubt whatever small amounts of wit I may’ve once possessed have been heavily blunted!)
((This. Is. Awesome!))
((The idea came from a magazine ad a few years ago that offered “star” BBC shows on US-compatible DVDs, which sadly did not include Walking With Dinosaurs or any of it’s sequels, about which I complained jokingly to some adult who was nearby.))
((HEY GUYS REMEMBER THIS))
(It is early in the morning, and Rosebud2 is rushing around her bedroom, stuffing things into a large, suspicious-looking sack.)
ROSEBUD: *muttering to self* Thumbtacks… hamster wheel… desk lamp… Okay, that’s everything… man oh man, this will be the greatest April Fools’ day prank ever! *edges out the door, glancing around nervously, and moves cautiously through the hall* Unless, of course, Robert and Rebecca do something again- but surely not, after what happened last year. I haven’t even seen them doing anything suspicious lately… at least, no more than usual… *turns a corner and bumps into someone* oh! I’m sorry.
EKOELI MORGROOL: No matter, Miss Two. But while I commend your early hour of rising, I suspect the motivations behind it are most unseemly. Hand over the sack, please.
ROSEBUD: Who are you?
((Oh my Muses, thanks for reminding me of this thread, Rosebud2! Um… Is the garlic war still going on? I don’t think it actually ended…))
((Yeah, it’s still going, I just thought introducing a new storyline might help to revive the thread. I don’t think any of the scripts on here are really in chronological order anyway.))
((Is the Embi family stuck in some interdimentional time warp? That could explain a lot…))
((SFTDP.))
(Camera zooms out on the entire Garlic War, then back in on RANDOMOSITY101 and LITTLE BASEMENT KITTEN, still grappling near the discarded garlic necklace in the form of out-of-control demonic cats.)
*R101 finishes roaring and lunges at LBK. LBK jumps to the side and, growling, smashes into R101 mid-leap. They lay in a tangled heap on the floor for a moment, snarling and snapping at each other with very large teeth. After a moment they manage to untangle each other, and jump at each other at the same moment. This rams their heads together, and the flop to the floor dazed.*
(The camera zooms in on a full bulb of garlic that suddenly lands near the fighting forms of RANDOMOSITY101 and LITTLE BASEMENT KITTEN. Then it traces the arc the bulb made backward to VANILLABEAN’S makeshift catapult.)
Voice off-screen: Ooh, was that more garlic?
(Camera zooms out on ENCELADUS and FIREH dashing toward the place where the garlic landed.)
*Enc and Fireh giggle madly, and Enc grabs the bulb.*
Enc: “Ooh, garlic!”
Fireh: “Hey, that’s mine!”
*Fireh grabs the bulb from Enc. As the fight over it, LBK and R101 sit up and shake their heads confusedly, then seem to focus on the vampires suddenly nearby…*
((SFTTP.
It seems like I didn’t successfully type the “y” in “they” a few times. Sorry.))
FIREH: Hey, Aggie, can I borrow Schrodinger? ((*21.1.1))
AGGRFISHI: [suspiciously] And what do you want my cat for, exactly?
FIREH: Well, we wanted to put it in a box and see what happens.
ENC: [passing by] You do know that the whole point of Schrodinger’s cat is that you DON’T know what happens, right?
FIREH: Dagnabbit, Enc, why do you always have to correct me when I think I’m being intelligent?
AGGIE: Weeeell, I won’t let you borrow my kitty for that anyhow, so both of your statements are irrelevant to the situation. [walks off]
ENC: Well, you know now for future reference!
FIREH: True. Hey, have you seen Randomosity recently? We were planning to experiment some more with Charles, I think.
ENC: Charles the fish, or Charles as in trying to disprove Darwin’s theories?
FIREH: …what?
ENC: Nevermind. It’s complicated.
FIREH: Riiiiiiiight. Anyway. So I was talking to Sel the other day, and– [is abruptly cut off by a pie to the face] CAKE!! WHO WAS THAT? I WILL GET YOU BACK.
PIE GIRL: [distantly] Wasn’t me this time, I swear! Despite my adolescent name choices I am NOT behind every single pie war instigation. I’ve grown up, you know.
FIREH: I wasn’t targeting you, but now that you mention it I am exorbitantly proud of how you’ve matured. Now would you like to help us track down the true instigator? This is the second time in three days I’ve had whipped cream up my nose and it’s not something that one can really get used to.
ENC: …second in three days? We haven’t had a pie war since…
FIREH: Yeah, that party I went to the other day got a bit wild.
PIE GIRL: Sounds like it.
((My comedic juices are dead right now, help!! This thread is too amazing to die like this.))